• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 minutes ago

DrakeyC


Writer, reviewer, creator of Filly Fantasy VI, occasional PMV maker, and uploader of mildly amusing image macros to Derpibooru

Sequels1

Comments ( 40 )

I see you joined just today.

This a good fic. Nice job, hope to see more, and welcome.:pinkiesmile:

“Tell her how good it feels.”

Um... Was Fluttershy spying on them or something?

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She was referring to herself in the third person.

6519830 Well, it's oddly placed, and as a start of something, oddly begun. Never mind that Sunset isn't exactly known for using third person. If anything, if she was gonna pull something like that, I would think the Royal We would be more likely. Especially considering the somewhat dominating roll she is taking on here.

And let's be honest. Shy is a wallflower that they would totally overlook in this situation. I've seen authors use that sort of thing with her before. Admittedly, it doesn't execute quite as well in this medium, but it is still a thing. So I think I can be excused for the thought on something that isn't all that intuitive.

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Thank you.

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I've reworded that part to be clearer who is speaking. Thank you for pointing it out, it was poorly phrased.

Very nice job for a first story. Well done. :raritywink:

All I gotta say is.... WHOA!:rainbowwild:

Very Nice! You should consider going further with this story.

Very nice. I liked it.:twilightsmile:

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Wait that was his first story good god man, good job

~T.MC

Wow that was a fancytastic first fic! Much love my friend that was fun!

...This pleases me

Excellent first piece. My headcanon as to the explanation; this is a 'verse where alicorns are herms and Sunny qualifies now.

I feel like I recognize your screen name from somewhere. Have you written porn for something else before?

As with every fic I like, I must ask the question: Sequel?

Well, this is certainly interesting.

This is their first fic? :rainbowderp: Nice job.:pinkiehappy:

Holy shat! That was good! :rainbowderp:

Am i the only one who can see this turning in to a big drama filled story? like, Sunsets secret get's out a few months later, and now she has more than a few girls trying to get in her pants all the time, including some of her friends. dash never spoke up about having any feelings other than friends with benefits, so eventually Sunset accepts on of the advances when dash is unable to help her out. dash finds out, but doesn't say how that makes her feel. and it all just spirals down from there. eventually leading to a happy SunDash ending, but having it be hell trying to get there.

this was well-written and a lot of fun. I enjoyed the pacing, the emotions seemed genuine and their dialogue fitting. Sunset's frustration was palpable. the distinctions she makes about her attraction and reasons for sex is very interesting since they seem almost exclusive :pinkiegasp:
Rainbow's reactions are priceless though. I really liked the way neither of them pretend Sunset was always nice and forgivable, and how they each approach the situation with Bad-Sunset in mind. I'm surprised after Rainbow invites Sunset to her game, Sunset doesn't invite her to use her shower after :trollestia:
very hot, much enjoyed

Got here because i saw the sequel on the featured page. Glad i read this before that, this was crazy hot :pinkiecrazy:

The short description is blunt, and straight to it. I nearly spit my tea out!

I find it rather funny when people do this.

I don't even know what I just read.

Good job, it was a cool story

Hmm.

Before I give my opinion on this, just a few things to get out of the way:

1. I'm quietly chuckling at all the people commenting on this being your "first story", since I've known before you posted this that this was an alt account.

2. I'm sorry it took me so long to actually get around to reading this. I have to be in a pretty specific mindset to read clop.

3. As I've mentioned, I ordinarily do not read futa. It isn't my thing.

4. When it comes to writing pr0n, I'm hardly what you'd call an expert. I always feel like I've done a terrible job of it when I write clop. Therefore, my advice on all things clop should be taken with a grain of salt.

Now, with that all out of the way...

This story had its strong parts and its weak parts. The strongest parts were the comedy elements. And some of the characterization, but I'll touch on that in a second. Also, the descriptions of actual sexual action...you handled that fairly well.

As for the weak parts...

Sunset/Dash shipping out of nowhere. You just didn't do a very good job of selling this. The "Oh god, I'm hot for you / OMG I'm hot for you too!" was INCREDIBLY forced. It felt artificial, and made the reading experience completely perfunctory.

The other thing is your porn dialogue. I cringed at a lot of it. It's...it's bad. Like, "amateur" porn vids on RedTube bad.

This is honestly something I would not have read if I didn't know beforehand who the author is. It didn't really do anything for me, and there are things that need serious work. But for the actual sex descriptions, that worked fairly well, and obviously anyone into futa is probably going to enjoy this, the bad porn dialogue notwithstanding.

“How the hell would absorbing magic and turning into an anthro-unicorn-phoenix magical girl give you a cock?”
At this point I knew I had to favorite this story.

Ya know, I don't really care for futa at all, but passing up my two favorite characters going at it took far more willpower than I had available!

The term's "Friends With Benefits". I know it sounds like the movie, but it's a fact.

Also: This Fic is
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/563/445/6de.gif

that was all i could think of throughout the story

Pretty standard fare, as far as clop goes. I liked it, but it didn't really dazzle me. I found it to be syntactically sound, except for the three errors detailed below.


Her breasts ballooned against Rainbow’s smaller once, their nipples grinding into each other.

ones

Her perseverance was shortly reward.

rewarded

Sunset grabbed her jacket and shut her lock, clicking the lock into place.

Probably meant locker, but could be a dialect thing.

-looks around- damn......that is all:twilightblush:

I've been looking for this for 3 years now

Heyo! Enjoyed the story! Did a reading of it, hope you like! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYUunYm7X-c&feature=youtu.be

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Cool, thanks! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Eshaan Reza deleted January 27th
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