• Member Since 30th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 15th, 2022

metroid_freak


Proud citizen of the Upper Echelon of Mediocrity!

Comments ( 286 )

Not bad, not bad at all, gonna follow this one and see where it goes.

I'm sort of baffled by the relatively bad reception this fic has gotten. There are no technical issues that I can find, and the world seems pretty interesting. So you get my upvote and I hope you continue.

So far so good dude, I like it, just try not to make the mares all 'I will jump at him like a cat in heat' let room for romance, friendship, let things get natural. That is the key.

Also I see the adventure tag, is that mean there is going to be some conflicts? because I could give you some ideas on PM to help spice things up a notch

6256726
Oh don't worry,I hate characters like that so there will be none of that. He'll have some success obviously but it'll be like the title says.

My theory is that they read about him taking kickboxing and assumed I'd make him into a power ranger and then he'd get all the mares too easily even though I explicitly state he's the polar opposite. Why not be good at something especially when it's so good for you in so many ways? I make my characters work for sexy time.

Also, the adventure tag was chosen because I believe that Shawn's experiences being so new and different will essentially be an adventure.

6256611
Hey, it might not be everyone's cup of tea but can't win 'em all, right?

This seems like an interesting story. I'll fav it. Hope the next chapter comes soon.

6256761
awesome, I can't wait to see the story behind that collar Fleur is wearing

Well, you got my interest.

6256788
Oh, that's just part of the cover art. Sorry to disappoint!

6256897
its ok is a nice image never the lest, and hey, the story looks so good so far

Huh. Colour me intrigued. I look forward to seeing where this one goes!

It's alright so far 7/10

Like this. Definitely following.

Only thing I'd complain about is that some of Sven's lines feel a little wooden.

Definitely keeping my eye on this due to the related ponies. (Fleur dis Lee and Coco) what picture is that you used I just know it's cloudmutt...could you PM me it please?

Wow. I was not expecting this. Your writing voice is downright engrossing. This is one of the best world-portal fics I've come across. Not at all what I was expecting. You should do more long-form worldbuilding stuff like this. You're good at it.

Cautious optimism here, lets see where you take things.

6259406
I felt that way too, even though he's just a guide doing his job. I'll probably look at that once it's finished.

When it mentioned Helios, I have to be honest, I thought of this.

vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/c/cc/Borderlands_2_Moonbase_screenshot.png/revision/latest?cb=20130719032705

Still, looks like an interesting beginning. Let's see where this goes.

'based on a dream', well isn't that cliche as all hell.

Well, it didn't delve into sex immediately, so it has certainly managed to get an edge over other mature stories with Anthro and Sex tags.

So, is this just chasing after Fleur? Or with Coco in there as well, is it multiple girls? Eh, whatever, seems interesting, I'll follow it.

6260285
The dream itself actually had nothing to do with ponies, it was just the concept of a vacation island. I made some additions and here we are.

It will be well paced. I've seen too many just jump into intimacy without enough build up or forethought so I'm gonna avoid those pitfalls. Fleur and Coco will be the focus with a couple other characters coming into play soon and I think you'll like how I execute this.


6260219

Ha I thought someone might mention that.

Anyone chatch the back to the futcure referance.

loved it cant wait to see where this goes:pinkiehappy:

This just got awesome!

Can't wait to see how far this rabbit hole goes. Keep up the good work, I look forward to more chapters.

Yes, definitely.” Sven agreed. “There’s something about Equis that just…I dunno, makes you think. How amazing would life be if we followed their example more often, huh?

Don’t get me wrong, I still love Earth and I’m definitely no misanthrope but I can’t help appreciating how they live, y’know?

Very well, you've appeased HAS...


...for now.

6261910
Forgive my blistering ignorance but what does H.A.S stand for?

6261912 Humans Are Superior. It's a gung-ho group that was created in response to a bunch of misanthropic fics about a year ago. It's kinda dead though, but we had good times.

6261912

Humans are Superior. I got better than 20/20 vision and my eyes are blue!

37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyfvf6RnoU1qb91kpo1_400.jpg

6261953
6261944

Ah, thanks for clearing that up. There will be no misanthropy here, only good old-fashioned sexy fun.

6261944
And that group was created to tell about why humans shouldn't be put as this weak race that ponies are superior in everyday possible? because I hate that, humans had better vision for our short face, had better stamina so we could actually win in a resistant race against a horse, and we are practically macgiver, we can think reason and come to solution with what we have all the time.

So that is why I hate when in stories they put that humans only had stamina

“Hey Sven, why we are so far from the portal?” I asked, wondering why the actual gate to Equis lay about a mile away, yet still easily visible due to its titanic diameter.

I´m not sure, but this sounds so weird. I think it should be "why are we..." right?

“It must be behind that cloud. Just keep watching.” he practically urged me. And watch I did. Sure enough, as soon as we emerged through the cloud…there it was.

When he finishes talking there has to be a comma not a dot.

6262495
Oops. Heh heh. Gonna fix those now. I'm my own editor so I miss the odd one. Thanks!

Edit: all fixed.

This looks excellent. Loved the Back to the Future reference with the 88 mph thing.

6260327

Hmm... well executed, build up to, and also believable move from meeting-to-sexual relationship... this will certainly be something.

Now, considering the current main girls being side characters, I suspect that the Mane 6 will not have a part, and even then, very minuscule, likely Rarity since she was involved with Fleur at one point... hmm, cool.

Nice start Metroid, like the interesting chapter title. It was fun to have that cleared up. :)

I'm excited to see where this goes and how you characterize Fleur and Coco when they make their appearance.

And congratulations on getting featured on this story's first week. Good luck on continuing this story.

6263404
Why thank you good sir.

If it's possible, could I get an estimated final word count from you?
~TOOWC

I found this story while listening to Maroon 5 Lucky Strike... I think its fate lol

6263771
Likely between 50 and 60k.

6263826 Dude, if your interpretation of this island of 'Helios' is anything like I imagine it to be, it'll be fucking IMPOSSIBLE to recreate it as a drawing or even a goddamn MineCraft map.

But I shall wish good luck to anyone who is daring enough to try. I'd like to do it myself, but when I try to do thing I demand...perfection, when it is for other people. And I get VERY frustrated when it doesn't quite feel right.

So I'll pass the mantle of creation of Helios over to someone else.

Good opening so far. But how did this pass moderation? Usually stories cannot pass moderation if they are not set directly in Equestria, or if Equestria is not directly linked to the story's setting? I know it's in the MLP universe but this story is set on an island, not in Equestria itself, or did I miss something?

6263936
It's an island located in the world of Equis, if that helps. And yes, recreating the island would be a massive undertaking!

6264014 So why is it I always have to...?

Never mind. Just...never mind.

If SOMEBODY ever does recreate this Helios island, will you be kind enough to give me a link?

6262350 You've just stated why HAS exists. You should check it out sometime, it seems right up your ally.

6264567
ok what is the group name? can you give me a link to it?

Now i am intrigued, i shall follow this fic with great interest!

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