• Member Since 5th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Broman


A guy who loves to create stories and has a big imagination. Also wishes to become a famous Actor and Director.


E
Source

Sweetie Belle has a nightmare that scares her immensely. Rarity comes to her side to comfort her. When Sweetie Belle explain what she dreamt, Rarity teaches her a valuable lesson about growing up and sings a Lullaby that their mother once sang.

Warning: Sisterly Cuteness to ensue

The art doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Ponyecho who I think is a fantastic artist.

This is also a contributing story for the Writeoff Association, A Matter of Perspective

Much thanks to all of my terrific editors and Proofreaders.

Editors: JuneGold, Arcelia, and IfFoundReturnToRarity

Proofreaders: WingmanRed and crazypony300

Give these guys a look over because I think they have outstanding talent.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 31 )

FEELSFEELSFEELSFEELSFEELSFEELSFEELSFEELS.

:unsuresweetie: What's this?
:raritystarry: nothing
:unsuresweetie: Are you sure?
:duck: Yes.
:unsuresweetie: Nothing my hoof!
:raritywink: It's just a cushion !

img08.deviantart.net/c2cc/i/2015/105/0/9/i_lost_it_by_hillbe-d8ptaov.jpg

:unsuresweetie: Yeah, so you say. ..

Oh, Celestia, so many feels, I LOOOOOOVE IIIIIIT! XD

You might want to fix the short description. Unless the storm is psychologically traumatizing Sweetie Belle, I think you meant "scares," not "scars."

6204037 I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Feels and all. :twilightsmile:

6204361 I'm going to take this as a complement. :pinkiesmile:

6204950 Glad you liked it friend. :twilightsmile:

6205539 I didn't realize the mistake. Thanks for that. :twilightblush:

6206213 I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Nice, great ending and great song. Love the ending and Rarity's decision. keep it up. :raritywink:

6206604 Oh thanks so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed the song that I created. I hope to create more stories that are just like it.

Two sisters in sisterly bond mode but who is the boy Sweetie likes?

This bit in the summary reads awkwardly-

When Sweetie Belle explain what she dreamed Rarity will give a valuable lesson about growing up and sing a Lullaby that their mother once sang.

It should probably be more like-

When Sweetie Belle explains what she dreamt, Rarity teaches her a valuable lesson about growing up and sings a lullaby that their mother once sang.

Also, here-

Rarity waved her sister off and continued to work on her hair, much to Sweetie Belle’s annoyance. Although I will have to deal with this problem in the morning. I would be cutting very close to my departure. she thought to herself,

I had to read it several times to notice that there was a thought in there. Thoughts should be distinguished either being being in italics or within single quotes(or both, something to make it clear that it's internal dialogue).

Rarity waved her sister off and continued to work on her hair, much to Sweetie Belle’s annoyance. Although I will have to deal with this problem in the morning. I would be cutting very close to my departure, she thought to herself,

or

Rarity waved her sister off and continued to work on her hair, much to Sweetie Belle’s annoyance. 'Although I will have to deal with this problem in the morning. I would be cutting very close to my departure,' she thought to herself,

Without either of those it blurs together.

There were also a couple spots with unneeded capitalization, like Good Afternoon and Good Heavens. The words afternoon and heavens don't nee to be capitalized.

6206775 Can't wait to read/hear them.

Congrats on reaching 300 views! :pinkiehappy: You really deserve it. :twilightsmile:

6221421 It was thanks to you and the others for making it happen. :twilightsmile:

6207114 I made some of the changes that you pointed out. Sorry for not responding earlier and thanks for the tips. Also how do you like the story overall?

6206847 Think of a colt with a propeller beanie. That is the only hint I'll give. :raritywink:

6222806
T'was very cute.

6418665 I appreciate your aww. :twilightsmile:

She sat there in deep contemplation, the only thing that disturbed her would be the lighting that rumbled in the distance or the thunder that lit outside.

You transposed those two words.

This was beautifully done. The pacing was perfect and the interactions between Rarity and Sweetie Belle were depicted wonderfully. It's stories like this that make me wish I didn't grow up as an only child. Aside from a couple of friends from school, all I had were my parents and my dog. That was it. There were many times where I felt alone, and when I look back on those times, I wish that I at least had a sibling to spend time with and comfort - or be comforted by - during hard times, especially during storms, which were immensely frightening for me in the past, and, from what I see here, equally as frightening for Sweetie Belle.

This, my friend, is a masterpiece. You should feel very proud of this story. Have a like and fave. :twilightsmile:

6712304 Man this is a very meaningful comment. I appreciated that you felt so much connection with this story. I wanted a story that brings back our childhood and the ones that cared for us when we were scared. It comes to show that even when we feel like we are alone, we are never truly alone, as long as we have our friends and family with us. I guess depicting both Sweetie Belle and Rarity in this situation made that same feeling even more meaningful.

I am very happy how this story turned out and I have thanks to my editors as well for helping me along the way. Maybe there will be another story in the future that I can focus on another set of siblings or two close friends or lovers even. But for now, I am happy that this story has so much love and respect and you have my utmost thanks.:twilightsmile:

Well, looka like Opal isn't getting fed for another week... :fluttercry:

I wish I had a sister... I really want a sister... I just have a Big Brother... But he never payed me much mind... He just bossed me around most the time... But he would play imaginary games with me sometimes and we used to have tickle wars with my stuffed animals... He's 20 years old now and I'm all alone!! He moved out and I'm only 15!! I wish my Big Brother did stuff like this!! You have no idea how much I'm crying because I miss him and this story just made me realize how much I actually do!! DX This is an amazing story!! Whenever I had a nightmare and ran to my brother he just groaned and said 'Go away... Go back to sleep. It's just a dream' I actually sat in a ball crying because I was so scared. But I was in his room and he didn't even acknowledge that I was there..... I mean now he'll drive around with sometimes and take me places and lets me hang out with him and his friends but that's only when I'm staying over with him. By him I mean our Nana. He's staying with her till he can get his own place but he's a Corrections Officer atleast... But I really miss him... He used to be just across the hall from me.. Sometimes I look into his to expect his stuff to be there but instead find junk we had no where else to put.... Sometimes all a girl needs is her big brother to help protect her.. When he left I actually had more and more nightmares about monsters coming to kill me... I didn't realize how safe he made me feel being just across the hall... I should ask to see if we could hang out some day... Some brother sister time... But he works at night and sleeps during the day because he had to work at night at the Prison... I just want my Bubba!! DX

I posted a comment on here... What happened to it?!?

7383808 Don't worry. I still see it.:raritywink:

7382172 It took me awhile to think of this but I have to say that this is the most heartfelt comment that I have ever read. I had no idea that it effected you so much and in such a way. This story has many things that I wanted to bring out, to have that special moment for everyone that has a sibling. I'm the youngest in my family and I always looked up to my brother or sister for help. Now that I'm older I do miss being with often, and you're right. Family is essential, it is always something that is important in our society. I am so happy that you liked this story and I am very proud that it had touched you in such a way. I should be the one thank you for taking this story into consideration. :twilightsmile:

7386679 Of course!! When I wrote that it was 2 AM and I was crying myself to sleep so why not just cry some more right? Heartfelt you say...? I can't say I've ever been told that before but that's mostly cause I'm that friend who thinks they're a total badass and is a badass. I alos play Trumpet so my ego is an all high. But sometimes you just gotta let everything loose you know? Thanks for even responding to my comment!! At least I'm not ignored. Sorry for the late response. I was reading a Vinyl and Octavia story...

7386885 It's okay. I'm glad that you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

7387069 eeyup. I was reading another story!! XD

Login or register to comment