[This is another random idea I had, except this one's going to play out like an anime]
Spike Ashe, he is what should be considered as a normal boy in the middle of his first year of high school. But like most of the stories and comics he reads, things are never how they seem.
Spike has powers, little things like having skin as hard as titanium, having amazing speed, agility and strength, the ability to grow wings and shoot fire from his hands and mouth and being able to sense the essence of life itself if he tries hard enough.
He's had these powers since he was very young and has always known how to use them. But because of his powers he has secluded himself from others. Fearing what might happen if his powers were found, and not for his own skin, but for his family. As such he has a reputation of never speaking and even coming across as cold.
But like all things, his life changed drastically when he witnesses a girl about to be run over by a car.
Art belongs to ss2sonic
So fair it's pretty good, it has a great concept. There are a few grammatical/spelling errors, but that's normal. One thing that bugs me though is there are too many scenes for one chapter. There are a few thing that you could do to lessen the amount. Like for example something like this: School was the same for the most part and like any other school day, Garble was there to meet him afterwords. (I know you kept those two things as one scene, it's just an example)
Here are some the the errors:
Sisters
an envelope
I think most works better. I don't care what magic dragon voodoo is goin' on here, some animals are just mean! *Cough* Sorry about that.
This isn't really a grammar correction, I just want to know if the is a male or female sounding voice? You don't have to say what it is if it's spoilery, I'm just curious.
I think that's all, i'm not an expert editor. Anyway, hope I helped! ^^
I like. I so rarely see a good Garble and being friends with Spike.
But beyond that, not bad.
Outside of some minor grammar mistakes it looks pretty good so far. I would suggest looking at different fighting scenes and learn the names of a couple of hand to hand moves for any future fighting scenes for this story. It has helped me with my stories.
I like where this is going. Please continue.
IDEA GREAT everything else subpar
1. you moved way to fast and have everything just out their
to fix more mystery cloke and dagger and less answers unless they lead to more question aka High school dxd or recent gravity falls
2. dragon memory wipe......ya no just no
fix take out the hate more dynamic dou that are suddenly taken to middle ground such as a privet high school in the middle of no ware were chaos and order duke it out while trying to keep civvies safe is one 1 option
3. Axe you if you are evil WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND JUST SAYS THAT AND THE OTHER GUY ACTS LIKE IT IS NO BIG DEAL
Fix that just god no you dont get a guy to join you if you said if you chose anything else we would kill you god no Order: means stability and consistency which means can be manipulative, slavery( warhammer 40,000 ) and the nessery evil meathed much like in Blue Exorcist meaning they will lie to you and keep you on a leash Choas you actually got the right
FINAL SCORE idea 9/10 execution of idea 4/10
solution re wright after reading Highscool dxd, blue exorcists, The Rising of the Shield Hero and Seraph of the End all manga
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1. You answered your own issue. Answers are coming later. Establishing chapter is establishing.
2. The powers they have aren't all dragon based. You'll see what I mean later. Also where would you put a school full of super powered teens and a town full of adults with powers and keep it a secret? I thought a place built in the middle of no where would better as a battle ground than a crowded city of normal people!
3. Order=Good guys not benevolent people who do no wrong. The point is that Celestia was honest with them, instead of hide that she would have killed them if they turned bad.
I get where your problems lie but they are based on personal opinions and less things wrong with it. I appreciate your opinion though and I'll take it into though for the next chapters
6205681 meh I read a lot of manga when Order is just good it gets boring but when you and necessary evil such kill a 100 to save 100,000 you get conflict of morels of the hero and what is he truly fighting for allowing for growth as a character will do what i takes and choose to sacrifice someone for the greater good or will they take the untraveled rode and fight for the impossible. It from my perspective if you go more cloak and dagger along with more blurring lines of good and evil then we get something very in-depth and compelling
I mean look at Warhammer they went from and order of warriors agents the forces of darkness to many fractions as they fell to darkness along with more fractions that will do anything to win even enslave people. Or hell even Naruto as he went from a kid who wanted to be acknowledged to a man who wanted peace were men could watch their kids grow were children could get to know their fathers and not their grave were peace would rain.
Hell you a perfect set up with principals Luna the fallen, Cadince the loving nun (best comparison for a bleeding heart I could think off) Sombra the win at any cost guy. and Celstia the one who pulls everyone's strings
not the story I thought I was going to read, and I'm kinda disappointed...
I was expecting a story about Spike being the only person with super powers and trying to live out his life with them: trying to figure out what he is; keeping himself in check; saving the day and all that... but what I got seemed to be a harry potter knockoff... and no offence to the plethora of stories that're like it, but I just could never get into them...
TLDR: update the description
He then let Bella Swan get what she deserved.
...Just, uh...first thing that popped in my head. Anyways, I like it so far. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
Honestly I love it and it would be great if instead of being good guys all the time they are truly neutral and it affects people around him more
This looks promising. Never saw Spike and Garble as friends, but this looks nice. I'd like to see moar. You get a like and a fave.
Also, I lobe helping people. If you need anything (ideas, names, locations, etc.), anything at all, PM me.
Looking forward to the update.
I'll keep an eye on this one.
Nnnnnnnnice
Well you could make spike a tad more powerful ,but his powers to be sealed away or smt
worth updating
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I know, I am doing my best
Interesting. I figured Sombra would have been on the side of Chaos. Nice to see Garble be Spike's friend instead of a bully or a complet jerk.
The only reason I don't watch anime is because the art style is too distracting, and they feel too over the top with the voice acting and visuals. This is obviously anime inspired, I could tell even without the author's note, but none of the problems I have with anime appear here, so its worth a shot. I took it, and I like this story. Any idea when the update will come?
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The problem at the moment is that I'm sorta stuck on another fic. I will continue this, just not soon
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Well that reply was quick, but okay. I can wait.
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I try to reply as soon as I see a new comment.
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So do I, man, but then again, I average like 5 or 6 a month.
Been looking for something to fill the void when Ladies Man On Campus ended. This could be it.
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Depends on what you are looking for
6871532 not a bad start to the story can't wait for the next chapter.
I love the story. Please continue!
PLZ MAKE MORE I LOVE THIS
More pls
Now I'm stuck watching the anime
Looks onteresting.