Prologue To Lessons
The sound of shuffling covers and a blaring alarm clock went off at the same time. A young boy’s hand rose up and tapped the snooze button just as the alarm clock went off. The young boy stood up out of bed and threw on a shirt he had hanging from a chair. He walked to his bedroom window and opened it up and took a deep breath, smelling the air around him. “Another day of common sounds, but there is a bit of moisture in the air. It’ll rain today or tomorrow, better bring an umbrella.”
The boy smiled to himself and turned on his TV to check the morning weather report to confirm his suspicions. “A bit humid today and it’s likely to rain by the afternoon. I love it when I’m right.” The boy turned off the TV and put on his clothes, a green shirt with purple sleeves and a pair of blue jeans. As he left his room he slipped on a pair of socks and went to the bathroom just down the hall.
He peered into the mirror and examined his bedhead, after a chuckle he combed back his hair. Forest green dominated his hair while odd patches of lime-green could be found everywhere. He blinked and examined his eyes, they were still emerald, thankfully, he liked his eye color. After a quick check of his naturally tan skin he sighed.
“Progress report: No new additions to my body. Still have the marks on my back and my canines are sharp as ever.” He brushed his teeth and rushed downstairs, he ran over to the kitchen and grabbed a sandwich he made the night before in the refrigerator.
“I’ll see you later mom! Tell dad I still need my calculator back!” He threw his backpack over his shoulder, quickly put on his shoes and ran out the door.
An older woman’s voice called from the house he just left. “It’s going to be steak and mashed potatoes for dinner Spike!” The boy named Spike smiled and began running down the street towards his school.
The clutter of students talking about this and that filled the ears of ever passerby that drove or walked by the school. But there was a sudden tear in the noise when a boy with combed back spiked hair walked past.
“Look its Ashe!” A boy called to his friend.
“He looks so cool today!” A couple of wide mouthed girls squealed.
He didn’t mean to gather attention but this was a good way of staying secluded. Spike had tried different ways to isolate himself so he tried to look cool and speak to no one. It worked better than he hoped. He was a loner just like he wanted, no one ever bothered to come talk to him except the teachers.
Well almost no one…
“YO ASHY LEGS!” A rough and barbaric voice called out and Spike smiled.
‘Right on time Garble.’ Spike turned around and a boy taller than him walked over to him. Spike was about 5’2” in his own right, so the boy that had walked up to him and was staring him down was about 5’7”. “Hello to you as well Gabriel.”
The dark skinned boy before him growled and grabbed Spike’s shirt. “What did I say about my name? Call me that again and I’ll flatten you.” The boy named Gabriel, or better known as Garble, had spiked up hair colored red and orange. His yellow eyes tried as they might to pierce Spike’s own, to no avail. He wore a red shirt and orange pants, a pair of worn out shoes covered his feet.
“You know the more you talk the longer you take to get to class, and it’ll add another mark to your tardy list. Don’t want that do you?” Spike smiled innocently and watched Garble growl and let go.
“I’ll deal with you later pipsqueak.” Garble and his group of cronies all ran off towards the school.
Spike put on a neutral face and walked to his class. It wasn’t pleasant but having Garble constantly bother him made it so no one ever bothered him. Garble was the top bully in the school and always ‘picked’ on Spike because he acted like a smart alec. But in truth Spike was using him to get people to not bother with him. A few good souls tried to help but Spike kept his silence and moved on.
‘Sorry Gabriel…if it’s any constellation, you’re the closet thing I have to a friend…’ Spike thought to himself as he sat at his desk.
This day, like any other, went by without incident, well…until Garble’s ‘later’ came up.
Garble pulled Spike behind the school building after school. He pushed Spike in front of him and his cronies surrounded Spike. “You know I’m always letting you get away with talking however you want. But it’s about time I put you in your place.” He smiled wickedly and waited for Spike to look scared. So his anger rose when Spike looked bored.
“I’m going to ask you to let me go home. So please don’t do this.” Spike looked to the side and sighed. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
Garble gritted his teeth and flung his fist at Spike’s chest as hard as he could. His mind went blank for a moment when his hand hit the wall hard. “OW!” Garble blew on his hand and looked around until one of the boys with him pointed behind them. He turned and saw Spike waving at them.
He took off running and Garble and his gang gave chase.
Spike yawned a bit as he walked down the bustling street of his town. The weather was getting gloomy and he was feeling sleepy. “Let’s see…go to the book store and check if the book I order came in, stop by the usual place for a workout and then home." Spike spoke to himself as he walked. He heard a sound at his feet and smiled, a kitten had chosen to sit and lick its paws in front of him. "Well aren't you cute?"
He kneeled down and reach a hand out to it. As any animal would that cat flinched at Spike's hand, it sniffed his fingers and after a moment began to lick his fingers. A smiled crawled on his face and he began to pet the small kitten.
The sound of a pair of footsteps made him look up and greeted by two girls, both looked...new. Spike had taken extra steps to memorize every face in his small town, so he could act if any...unsavory characters waltzed in looking for him. But Spike felt strange looking at these two girls, he felt like he could trust them, as if he knew them already.
He quickly examined the two girls. One was somewhat pale but cute looking girl with long pink hair that was covering her face, green eyes and wore a yellow turtleneck and a long blue skirt with a pair of matching shoes. The other had beautifully curled purple hair, dark toned skin and shimmering blue eyes, she had on blue eyeshadow and dark blue lipstick and seemed to be wearing white designer clothes and matching shoes. Both looked taller than him if only by a little and seemed to be his age.
"U-um...I-I w-would be careful..." The shy pink haired girl spoke rather quietly but Spike could hear her very well. "H-he can be very crabby when he wants to...oh my..." Spike looked down and saw that the kitten was now rubbing against his hand happily. "I've never seen him get so attached to anyone...not so quickly I mean..."
Spike picked up the kitten and stood up, he now got a clear gauge of their heights. The pink haired one was around 5'4" and the purple haired one was 5'7". "I've always been good with animals." Spike smiled and handed the kitten to the pink haired girl. "Watch him carefully. It’s dangerous for him to be near the streets."
The pink haired girl nodded quietly and the other girl spoke up. "Thank you ever so much. We'll be very careful from now on." Spike smiled and walked past them continuing on his way to the book store. The two girls watched him leave, "What do you think?" The girl with purple hair asked.
"It feels like it might be him but...he's not...what any of us were expecting..." The girl with pink hair held the kitten close. "Maybe they were wrong?"
"Maybe...but we have to keep watching or we'll miss our chance."
The shy girl nodded and started to walk but caught her own foot and fell. The fashionable girl caught her friend quickly and gave a sigh of relief. "Honestly darling...huh? Where is the..."
The girls stood up and looked around quickly.
Spike had gotten only a few feet away when he heard a scream. He turned around quickly and saw the pink haired girl running to the busy street after a small kitten. "Me and big-! ..." Spike looked further down the road at a single car...that was speeding up! Spike bit his lip and took a deep breath, when he let it out something that looked like a small green flame curled out and vanished. And suddenly he was gone.
The pink haired girl had finally caught the kitten when she heard the screech of tires. She looked to her side and saw a car speeding towards her. In her mind everything seemed to slow down, but all she could of was to protect the small piece of life in her arms. She closed her eyes, held the kitten closed and braced for the end.
...
"Miss are you okay!?"
The pink haired girl's eyes shot open and she looked up at the man who had spoken to her. Around her were several people asking if she was fine, she looked around and saw she was on the other side of the street sitting on the sidewalk. The speeding car was stopped and its front was crushed inwardly, as if it hit something hard or...was stopped by something strong. She took a moment to look down and saw that the kitten was meowing at her softly, she smiled and rubbed its head with her thumb. "Not like we were expecting at all..."
On a building above the crowd a figure smiled and with two unfurled and powerful wings took flight and vanished.
A tin can received a hard kick from a worn out shoe that made it bounce off a wall and into someone's yard. "Stupid squirt..." Garble grumbled on his way home. Upon chasing after Spike, he and goons lost track of him immediately. This made Garble furious. "When I get my hands on that green hair twerp I'll-"
"What? Beat him up? You wouldn't be able to put a scratch on his shoes." A dark voice called to him.
Garble's eyes grew wide and he spun around looking for the source of the voice. "He could break every bone in your body without lifting a finger. And you think you can harm him? It's so silly I'm on the verge of laughter." Garble gritted his teeth.
"Shut up! What the hell do you know!? Spike is a scrawny weakling! I could beat him to death with my hands tied behind my back!" He balled up his fists, "But I feel like starting with you! Now show your face!"
"I don't think I will, but I like the way you put that, 'beat him to death'." The voice chuckled darkly, "Would you be willing to have a little wager? I'll show you that you know nothing about that boy and if I'm right...you have do something for me."
Garble swallowed hard, he didn't want to admit it but...this voice scared him. "S-sure thing...and if I win then you show me your stupid face so I can beat it bloody!" He squeezed his hands harder to stop himself from shaking.
"Hahaha...you have yourself a deal..." A dark mist flowed past Garble's feet and down the road. "Follow the mist my boy..."
A ball of green flames shot into the sky and dissipated. Spike smiled and picked up his notebook and opened it to near the end. "Fire is still easily controlled. Adjustment of heat is still easily controlled. Power of fire is still determined by hands or mouth. Fire thrown from my hands has less power but more speed. Fire blown from my mouth has reach, power and accuracy, but little stability."
Spike put down the notebook and closed his eyes. Purple scales grew on his face and hands, his nails grew sharp and his teeth sharpened as well. He opened his now glowing emerald eyes and looked into a mirror he pulled from his pocket. He sat down and opened the notebook again. "Scales remain the same. Nails and teeth still-" Spike picked up a rock the size of his fist and dig a nail into it. He watched as his nail cut through the rock like butter. "-incredibly sharp..."
He crushed the rock in his hand and blew away the dust. "Strength has remained unchanged..." Spike put down the pencil he had been writing with and sighed. "No changes, thank goodness. The last thing I need is to grow a third arm." Spike let out a withheld breath and his body returned to normal. "Now to head...who's there?"
"Oh? I thought I had hidden myself well." A dark voice called out and let out a dark chuckle. "It’s so good to finally meet you...too bad the meeting will be short-lived."
A heavy footstep made Spike stand up and face the direction of the dark energy flowing towards him. His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and his pupils shrunk when he saw a figure step out of the darkness being covered in a purple ooze-like haze. "...Garble?"
"This boy was so shocked to see your little secret he couldn't even speak. His mind was blank, which made taking over his mind that much easier." The dark voice roared in laughter. "I bet you have no clue just how similar you two are!"
"...I've always known..."
"Oh?"
Spike stood up straight and a green fire began to build on his hands. "I did everything I could to keep him from finding my powers...his powers...but I guess I didn't try hard enough."
"Well isn't that interesting? You're even more calculating than I thought, if only you had a few more years to cultivate that mind of yours. Too bad." The oozy mist around Garble absorbed into his body he roared in pain before a pair of red and orange dragon wings. Red scales grew out of his skin and covered his cheeks, neck, arms and the ridge above his nose. Garble doubled over in pain as his nails and teeth grew sharper.
Spike ran forward to try and stop Garble's pain. "Stop! He's never attempted a full change! He could die!"
"If he does that means he isn't worth my time." Garble roared into the sky and a jet of red flames shot out of his mouth. His eyes began to glow white and he looked at Spike who had stopped just a few feet in front of him. "Hmph, he survived, good dog, now...kill."
Garble roared at Spike and lunged at his neck with his claws outstretched. Spike moved away in time to only have his shirt ripped. Spike tensed up and his own purple scales covered him just like Garble's but they stretched to his hands leaving his fingers exposed. Garble lunged again, but this time Spike met him halfway. They locked fingers and tried to push the other back. Garble roared out and his ears became pointed and out of the back of his pants and shirt a tail burst out. Spike gritted his teeth and too on similar changes.
Spike threw Garble to the side and into a tree. Garble rose to his feet and wrapping his new tail around the tree and squeezing until its bark was crushed. Garble threw the tree at Spike and instead of dodge, he put out a hand and let out a burst of green fire that incinerated the tree. Garble rush Spike again but was slammed into the ground by Spike's own tail.
The dark voice seemed to click its tongue. "How disappointing, he could barely touch you. Oh well, IGNITE BOY AND TAKE THAT BOY WITH YOU!" The dark voice cackled aloud and seemed to vanish. Garble's eyes glowed brighter and his body was suddenly covered in a blazing fire.
"Garble!" Spike shouted and moved to help him until he heard a voice.
"Stop!" A girl with purple angel-like wings and a horn growing from her forehead flew down and landed in front of him. "If you get any closer he'll take you with him!" The girl had dark purple hair with a purple and pink streak running through her hair. She wore some light purple armor-like clothes and her purple eyes bore into Spike.
"...I know...but he's like this because of me!" Spike moved to walk past her when a weak voice called out.
"I-its...s-so hot...S-Spi-Spike...h-help me..." Spike looked past the girl to see Garble's eyes were their usual piercing yellow, laced with fear.
Spike shot past the girl and straight to garble. He grabbed Garble by his arms and the red flame covering him enveloped Spike as well. "Gabriel! You have to tame the fire! Only you can control it!" Spike's shirt burned away to reveal that his chest and back were covered in scales.
"I...I don't know how!" Garble's eyes began to dilate until Spike rammed his forehead against Garble's.
"YES YOU CAN!!!" Spike shouted fiercely.
Garble's eyes grew and then became focused. He took deep breath after deep breath and slowly the fire began to die down. The girl watched in awe as the raging fire turned into a memory. Garble and Spike both slowly sat down. "Incredible...not only did he help stop the death flames, but he helped give that boy partial control..."
Spike turned and leaned against Garble's back and looked at his singed fingers.
"...I remember...I remember everything..." Garble blinked and looked to the night sky above them. "We were friends...the best of friends...we knew about each other’s powers and stayed close to one another..."
Spike smiled dryly. "We were inseparable...until middle school..."
"Someone saw us using our fire and we nearly got caught...but you did something to them...to me." Garble looked at his hands. "You erased out memories..."
"I couldn't bear to see you harmed or tested on because of me...because of either of us. So I did what I thought best..." Small drops of water hit the ground beneath Spike. "But it hurt...to see you day after day and not be remembered...I smiled and bore my curse regardless."
"But I didn't really forget...I was looking for you...for my version of you...I think that’s why I bothered you...heh...lets promise...to never be stupid again." Garble raised his arm up and made a fist aimed at the sky.
Spike wiped his tears away and copied Garble's movements without having to look. Their fists tapped one another and both smiled. "Promise." Spike chuckled.
Before the girl could say anything both boys dropped their arms and fell asleep. "...I guess the fire did more damage than he thought..." She walked over to them and noticed their smiles. "Sleep well you two, you deserve it."
Four days later...
"It’s a shame to see you go Mr. Ashe." A teacher looked over a letter with a strange looking seal on it. "But this school you are transferring to has a very good track record for academics, athletics and life building. I wish you, and Mr. Dust, luck." The teacher looked up at Spike and Garble.
"Thank you for taking care of me this far, it didn't last long but I'll carry my memories of this school with me forever." Spike elbowed Garble as he yawned.
"Ow...right um...sorry for all the mess I gave you...I know you're probably glad to have me out of your hair but...your school is pretty chill...good luck sir." Garble and Spike bowed and walked out of the office.
"See not so hard huh?" Spike smirked at Garble.
"Unlike you I have a bad boy streak. People run off before I get to speak..." Garble sighed.
"That won't matter where we're going." Spike smiled
Three days ago inside Spike's living room. Spike, Garble, the three girls Spike met the other day and three others were all sitting, or standing, while listening to the purple haired girl speak.
"The Royal Sisters' School For The Gifted?" Garble let roll out as he scratched at one of his many bandages.
"That is correct. I know it sounds strange but trust me it’s just a normal school." The girl with long dark purple hair said with a smile.
"If ya account fer the massive campus an' the dorms an' the shopping district an' the farm..." A tall girl with blonde hair and Stetson on said under her breathe with a country accent.
"Thank you Applejack...yes the campus is rather big. It’s basically a town attached to a school." The dark purple haired girl took out a envelope with a picture on the back. "This is the letter I was to give you two, if you were both good of heart."
Spike took it and opened it up. He pulled out a rather expensive looking letter, "Spike Ashe, Gabriel Dust, you are invited to come to The Royal Sisters' School For The Gifted. As you know, the both of you have strange powers, this is because you have the blood of powerful creatures running through your veins. The blood of dragons. But not just any dragons, however if you wish to hear the rest you must enroll to our school. This is not a proposition, but a request, please think it over. Headmasters Celestia and Luna."
Garble and Spike looked at each other and then the letter.
"I know it’s a lot to take in." The girl with dark purple hair began. "But please know you'll have plenty of time to-"
"Where do we sign?" Garble and Spike said in unison.
"Told ya." The girl named Applejack snickered at the dark purple haired girl blinked in confusion.
"Any other time I'd ask for more details, but this looks like good deal, plus you girl don't look the type to lie." Spike smiled and put the letter back into the envelope.
"I'm with Spike, you girls are giving off the same kind of power we are, different, but similar enough." Spike and Garble nodded to each other.
"Oh...well...um...ahem, anyway, introductions are in order. My name is Stella Auroras, but as everyone calls me Twilight...Sparkle..." She sighed and shook her head. She had a darker tone of skin Spike and Garble and looked about 5'4". She wore a purple sweater vest with a grayish purple dress shirt underneath and had on light purple dress pants. "I use a shine spell on my clothes once..."
A girl with dark pink fluffy hair waved her hand wildly. "Me next! Me next! I'm Diane Pie, but everyone calls me Pinkie Pie!" She smiled happily. Pinkie was light skinned and looked about 5'8", her light blue eye shined as she smiled. She had on a low cut pink short sleeve shirt so her midriff was showing, she wore a pair of blue jeans and mix matched socks.
The girl with light pink hair waved at Spike. "T-thank you for saving me yesterday, my name is Fay Shye, but you can call me Fluttershy."
"Yes thank you ever so much. My name is Rarity Belle, it’s wonderful to meet you." The dark skinned with curled purple hair smiled at Spike.
"Sup guys." A somewhat tanned girl with short rainbow colored hair that looked Spike's height spoke up. "Name's Rayne Ashleigh, but you better call me Rainbow Dash!" Her magenta eyes glared at the two boys. She was wearing a tank top with a jacket wrapped around her waist, she had on a pair of jean shorts with short leggings under them and sports socks.
"Don' mind her, she just gets sore about her name. I'm Annie Jackapple, but friends and family call me Applejack." The country sounding girl was tall, at least a square six feet, her eyes look fairly similar in color to Spike's. She had on a plaid denim shirt that was tucked into her somewhat ripped denim jeans, a Stetson on her head and worn socks on her feet.
"Pleased to meet you all. As you already know I'm Spike Ashe and he's Gabriel Dust, but he prefers Garble." Spike smiled to the girls.
"So back to the matter at hand. Where do we sign to enroll?" Garble spoke up to get them back on track.
"Right." Twilight cleared her throat. "The process is all taken care of, it'll just take a day or two to send word to Celestia and Luna. But all you two have to do is pack for the transfer, you'll be living on campus in the dorms. And we've assigned it so you two are together...is that fine?"
Both boys nodded and smiled at each other.
Back in the present Spike and Garble wait outside their school as instructed. Their luggage had been sent ahead of them and they were told to await Twilight.
"Hello boys." Twilight seemed to appear out of thin air.
"Huh? Oh hello Twilight...let me guess..." Spike smiled at Twilight who shared a similar look.
"Yes, I'll be taking you there through my power, a spell but same thing fundamentally. Come close and hold onto my shoulders, and don't worry, no one will see." Twilight smiled as Spike and Garble followed her orders.
In an instantaneous flash of light everything seemed to fall away and suddenly Spike and Garble’s vision went out the window.
“Yo Sparkle I can’t see anything!” Garble felt around his face while keeping his hand on Twilight’s shoulder.
“Sorry, that’s normal for first timers. I promise if we teleport again you’ll have your full vision.” Twilight touched both Spike and Garble’s faces and their vision came back to them. “Well anyway, I want to be the first one to say it. Spike, Garble, welcome to The Royal Sister’ School For The Gifted!”
Spike and Garble looked up and their eyes would’ve fallen out of their socks with how wide they were. They needed to somewhat strain their necks to look at the top of the building. Simply looking at their new school gave them a clue that there were many people here with powers much like their own. Every brick and window seemed to be giving off a power, but more…protective. The air and around them carried a sense of belonging that the two boys rarely ever felt.
“And this is only the freshman campus.” Twilight giggled and led them inside. “Our school has four total buildings that act as our whole campus. Freshman through senior of course. Each is led by one of four powerful people, the freshman campus has Luna, sophomore has a man great named Sombra, the juniors have Cadence and finally seniors have-“
“Me to guide them.” A beautiful voice call out to the three of them.
Spike turned around and wished he had been focusing. He nearly dropped to his knees by the sheer force of power the woman before him was giving off. But before he fell a warm, tender, motherly hand held him still. “Forgive me Spike that was rude of me.”
“N-no problem…you’ve proven you point. You have powers like us, and are far stronger...” Spike stood up and looked at the woman named Celestia. The woman was tall and clearly older, she look about 6’9” maybe more and her skin was a beautifully dark tan, her crystal like pink eye carried with them a sense of timelessness, her hair flowed softly behind her and was a perfect stream of pink, blue, green, and cobalt. She had on a white dress that had one strap holding it up and the other side left open, along with it a pair of black dress pants and white heels.
“It is wonderful to meet you at last Spike.” Celestia smiled at him warmly. He felt somewhat like he was looking at his mother. “Though this is not the first time we’ve met.”
“It’s not?” Spike blinked in confusion. “I doubt I’d ever forget meeting you Miss.”
Celestia giggled. “Well not in this life I meant to say. You see when I said that the two of you had the blood of dragons running through your veins, it was more of a…spiritual sense. For you are not the descendants, but the reincarnation of two dragons.” She led them down the hall and further inside the freshman building. “Ashe and Ember, two very powerful dragons that lived in another world eons ago. They led the rest of their dragon kin into battle after battle, standing tall and strong. But this life of battles meant they were to become targets of those that wished to have them on their side.
During their time, two sides were at war, Order and Chaos. Solar, of who I am the reincarnation, led the Order while a bloodthirsty king named Maelstrom led the Chaos. Both side were at a standstill, neither side gaining or losing. Until Maelstrom bribed the dragons for their help. Order was over taken soon after and Solar went to the home of Ashe and Ember and begged for their help.”
Celestia stopped as they turn down a hall and looked at Spike and Garble. “That is all we know.”
Garble rubbed his chin. “I get it now. So basically the dragons are all neutral and fight for what they want. But Ashe and Ember, Spike and me, command them all. So if Solar manage to get them on the side of Order then Chaos would be gone by now. But that’s not the case…so…”
“So if the two of us had been evil. You guys would be in trouble since there been no clear answer. Right?” Spike finished for Garble and gave Celestia a stern look.
“…yes, it is as you say. Ashe and Ember have always been a neutral party. Every few times the reincarnation happens they turn to the side of Chaos. But after they choose sides that is where the memories stop. We have no idea what happens afterwards.” Celestia sighed and ran a hand threw her hair. “So if you had been ill of heart…”
“You would have axed us off without a thought.” Garble stated as if it was fact.
Twilight gasped and shook her head. “N-no never! We would have tried to convince you to help us! We’d never-“
“Garble is correct.” Twilight turned and looked at Celestia in shock. “I would have had no choice. Things are different now, Order and Chaos both have gotten stronger somehow. While Ashe and Ember remain the same, growing slowly until their base power and then being trained to full power.” She gave them all a sad smile. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be. I get it, you guys are desperate.” Garble scratched his nose.
“Good thing we’re on your side then.” Spike smiled slyly. “Since day one I think…”
Celestia walked over to Spike and quickly embraced him happily. “Thank you Spike…and you as well Garble.”
Spike’s face reddened slightly even after Celestia let go. “Now if you’ll follow me. We need to get your class schedules, tomorrow will be a big day for you both.” Celestia led them down the hall once again. They walked but Spike got a nagging feeling that someone…somewhere was watching them.
“Looks like Solar got to them first! I thought you said they would join us!” A dark echoing voice shouted.
“Keep your calm my lovely Hive. They are young, impressionable and they pose no threat now. But they will be of no help either, for now we let Solar train them and then we pluck the fruit as it ripens.” The dark voice cackled as two other watched from a distance.
“Foolish king. Has he no idea what may happen? If they receive a similar boost in power then…” A young but angry voice whispered to the one beside him.
“Worry not, we will strike without him. Come…we have work to do.” A raspy voice called to the younger. “And we will have the power of the Dragon King and his Second.”
To be continued…
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So fair it's pretty good, it has a great concept. There are a few grammatical/spelling errors, but that's normal. One thing that bugs me though is there are too many scenes for one chapter. There are a few thing that you could do to lessen the amount. Like for example something like this: School was the same for the most part and like any other school day, Garble was there to meet him afterwords. (I know you kept those two things as one scene, it's just an example)
Here are some the the errors:
Sisters
an envelope
I think most works better. I don't care what magic dragon voodoo is goin' on here, some animals are just mean! *Cough* Sorry about that.
This isn't really a grammar correction, I just want to know if the is a male or female sounding voice? You don't have to say what it is if it's spoilery, I'm just curious.
I think that's all, i'm not an expert editor. Anyway, hope I helped! ^^
I like. I so rarely see a good Garble and being friends with Spike.
But beyond that, not bad.
Outside of some minor grammar mistakes it looks pretty good so far. I would suggest looking at different fighting scenes and learn the names of a couple of hand to hand moves for any future fighting scenes for this story. It has helped me with my stories.
I like where this is going. Please continue.
IDEA GREAT everything else subpar
1. you moved way to fast and have everything just out their
to fix more mystery cloke and dagger and less answers unless they lead to more question aka High school dxd or recent gravity falls
2. dragon memory wipe......ya no just no
fix take out the hate more dynamic dou that are suddenly taken to middle ground such as a privet high school in the middle of no ware were chaos and order duke it out while trying to keep civvies safe is one 1 option
3. Axe you if you are evil WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND JUST SAYS THAT AND THE OTHER GUY ACTS LIKE IT IS NO BIG DEAL
Fix that just god no you dont get a guy to join you if you said if you chose anything else we would kill you god no Order: means stability and consistency which means can be manipulative, slavery( warhammer 40,000 ) and the nessery evil meathed much like in Blue Exorcist meaning they will lie to you and keep you on a leash Choas you actually got the right
FINAL SCORE idea 9/10 execution of idea 4/10
solution re wright after reading Highscool dxd, blue exorcists, The Rising of the Shield Hero and Seraph of the End all manga
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1. You answered your own issue. Answers are coming later. Establishing chapter is establishing.
2. The powers they have aren't all dragon based. You'll see what I mean later. Also where would you put a school full of super powered teens and a town full of adults with powers and keep it a secret? I thought a place built in the middle of no where would better as a battle ground than a crowded city of normal people!
3. Order=Good guys not benevolent people who do no wrong. The point is that Celestia was honest with them, instead of hide that she would have killed them if they turned bad.
I get where your problems lie but they are based on personal opinions and less things wrong with it. I appreciate your opinion though and I'll take it into though for the next chapters
6205681 meh I read a lot of manga when Order is just good it gets boring but when you and necessary evil such kill a 100 to save 100,000 you get conflict of morels of the hero and what is he truly fighting for allowing for growth as a character will do what i takes and choose to sacrifice someone for the greater good or will they take the untraveled rode and fight for the impossible. It from my perspective if you go more cloak and dagger along with more blurring lines of good and evil then we get something very in-depth and compelling
I mean look at Warhammer they went from and order of warriors agents the forces of darkness to many fractions as they fell to darkness along with more fractions that will do anything to win even enslave people. Or hell even Naruto as he went from a kid who wanted to be acknowledged to a man who wanted peace were men could watch their kids grow were children could get to know their fathers and not their grave were peace would rain.
Hell you a perfect set up with principals Luna the fallen, Cadince the loving nun (best comparison for a bleeding heart I could think off) Sombra the win at any cost guy. and Celstia the one who pulls everyone's strings
not the story I thought I was going to read, and I'm kinda disappointed...
I was expecting a story about Spike being the only person with super powers and trying to live out his life with them: trying to figure out what he is; keeping himself in check; saving the day and all that... but what I got seemed to be a harry potter knockoff... and no offence to the plethora of stories that're like it, but I just could never get into them...
TLDR: update the description
He then let Bella Swan get what she deserved.
...Just, uh...first thing that popped in my head. Anyways, I like it so far. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
Honestly I love it and it would be great if instead of being good guys all the time they are truly neutral and it affects people around him more
This looks promising. Never saw Spike and Garble as friends, but this looks nice. I'd like to see moar. You get a like and a fave.
Also, I lobe helping people. If you need anything (ideas, names, locations, etc.), anything at all, PM me.
Looking forward to the update.
I'll keep an eye on this one.
Nnnnnnnnice
Well you could make spike a tad more powerful ,but his powers to be sealed away or smt
worth updating
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I know, I am doing my best
Interesting. I figured Sombra would have been on the side of Chaos. Nice to see Garble be Spike's friend instead of a bully or a complet jerk.
The only reason I don't watch anime is because the art style is too distracting, and they feel too over the top with the voice acting and visuals. This is obviously anime inspired, I could tell even without the author's note, but none of the problems I have with anime appear here, so its worth a shot. I took it, and I like this story. Any idea when the update will come?
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The problem at the moment is that I'm sorta stuck on another fic. I will continue this, just not soon
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Well that reply was quick, but okay. I can wait.
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I try to reply as soon as I see a new comment.
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So do I, man, but then again, I average like 5 or 6 a month.
Been looking for something to fill the void when Ladies Man On Campus ended. This could be it.
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Depends on what you are looking for
6871532 not a bad start to the story can't wait for the next chapter.
I love the story. Please continue!
PLZ MAKE MORE I LOVE THIS
More pls
Now I'm stuck watching the anime
Looks onteresting.