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Some crazy s*** goes down in 2Fort and the nine mercenaries end up in Ponyville, much to the displeasure of a certain Boston baseball fan not willing to walk the path of the pony until he meets a certain rainbow-maned and tailed pegasus. From there, it's 9 crazy adventures, followed by an epic battle against the world's strongest Austrailian.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The synopsis leads me to believe Steve Irwin is involved somehow.
No, Saxton Hale.
569887 Nope,
SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!!
569952
Lolling at your 8 second late post.
569991 Lolling at the fact that you forgot to reply to him ^_^
well...this may get a little inteesting if saxton hale...wait...i did that wrong...it WILL be interesting when SAXXXXXXXXXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE appers
Meh, he'll see it when he checks yours.
Wow. I'm amazed my story even made it, not to mention all the "support" so far. Tell me what you guys think, what I should keep, what I should change... Sorry about the format, I just find it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much easier that way. More to come later, and maybe a few unexpected surprises. << >>
Also, for those who like it, don't forget to join my group, ponies anonymous!!!!! Or suffer the adorable consequences.
A mixture of my favorite show AND my favorite TV show? So Awesome!!!
Continue. Please.
The beggining of a crossover story done like a sir.
Good job.
>>detoxify thank you very much. I certainly will. You know, it's weird. I fully expected this thing to crash and burn. Instead, it's completely exceeding my expectations. Thanks to all those who support me and join my group.
>>Derpfish that comment was for you
However, I regret announcing that after I continue tomorrow, I will likely not get any more work done until Wednesday because I go to my dad's Friday and I won't have my Laptop with me so I can't work for a while. But to anyone who has a suggestion which character should be paired with which pony aside from the mane 6 I'll gladly take suggestions into consideration.
There, There, Have an eagle.
What do you mean, have an eagle?
To quote heavy (or hoovy, if you like): "Good idea!"
must follow....
If they forget to spy check I'll just go there myself and yell at them. Pros: I'll be in equestria! Cons: they have guns
>>anut9 thanks. To everyone, I literally just thought of an idea for chapter three. engy discovers the teleporter is broken so they have to say in ponyville until it's fixed. Then it goes on to everyone accepting their new environment... Everyone, but scout, that is. It's gonna be like a "scout hates ponyville, it hates him back" kinda thing. Not giving away too much!
I think Heavy and Fluttershy could kick it off, if you know what I mean.
Well done...I can't wait for the rest!
you're new to this aren't you?
bad points (not trying to be the bad guy but criticism is the best way to improve)
humans are WAY too accepting, they should be flipping the fuck out
chapters are horrendously short
the speaking lines are way too generic, instead of having "all" have each character have a different reaction. you could have medic want to dissect the ponies to see what allows them to speak (a little twisted, but have you seen the meet the medic video?)
the blu intel room is in another dimension, but you can walk there (plot hole)
needs to be more creative, don't just write the first thing that comes to your mind and stick with it
needs quotation marks
use italics for thought
good points
i don't remember any major spelling errors
you actually remembered to start a new paragraph for dialogue
570889 and dont tell people what youre going to do
You should probably take it out of script format.
571306 Thanks for the criticism, but really, did you have to be that harsh?
I am new to this, but really, Not bad for a first timer, right? Right? But thanks anyway. You'll like it soon enough. 
Well, here it is, the not so waited for third chapter. Enjoy, and remember, I'm always open to suggestions.
573259 It's better than my first time (The criticism I got was much more harsh, check out the comments on HIE cupcakes if you want to see)
you don't have to put "END OF CHAPTER"
relies too much on dialogue
still needs creativity, but not as bad
573499 Thanks, I guess?
573499 And besides, I prefer to tell my tales through dialogue, not really a lot of story.
you missed a change in speaker
sniper dosnt have an assistant
whoops! thanks for the heads up. That might have hurt me.
573601 thanks for the heads up. Appreciaite it.
Oh my god. This is the best crossover in the history of crossovers. Must see engie & Applejack adventures!!!
573817 Wait no longer, my friend.
Status Update: I just thought of this randomly. To everyone who doesn't like the combos I choose, I'm sorry but I can't please everyone. The combos that I choose are the ones I stick with. However, in terms of suggestions, I'm still looking for ponies for Soldier, Demoman, and Heavy. Suggestions, people, suggestions! Now get bloody goin'!
NO FLUTTERSHY! DON'T TAKE THE MEDIC TO YOUR HOUSE
574354 don't worry! Fluttershy will be just fine... And then some.
573738 see? i aint a bad guy once you get to know me. i just want to help make better writers
574997 I understand that, but different people have different views of what something great is. For example, I thought this story was gonna be a total flop, but it's doing pretty well. Again, I thank you for your criticism and hope we may one day work together.
575070 If you want some real critisism ask "fannotanerd"
That guy is brutal
(Copy paste from comments on HIE cupcakes
While I do understand that this is your first fanfiction, that does not under any circumstances mean that I should be lenient. I have upheld a reputation of being as blunt as a lead pipe, and there's no reason I should break it. If praise is deserved, I give praise. If it needs criticism, I'll give it. And if you're a bit too sensitive to take it...well, that's your problem.
But let me just inform you that Cupcakes has a label of "infamous" for a good reason. I don't think anyone actually liked the original, so spin-offs and re-imagings of what is essentially an unrealistic torture-pornography are typically not received well. If you want to practice your writer's craft...stick to a relatively safe premise, like an innocent shipfic or something.
And while you said you didn't rush it, I never said you did either. I said it feels rushed. It moves too quickly. It's a common beginner's mistake (I admit I suffered from it a little on my first fanfictions) and one that, while forgivable, must still be pointed out. If you do insist on making more horror fics, keep in mind that it's all about pacing. Have you ever seen a good Stephen King novel below 300 pages? (Apart for short stories. I did mean good, after all) I haven't either. Good horror isn't Cupcakes-style. It's mostly psychological, where the reader's imagination does all the work. You have to hint and hint that something bad's going to happen until the readers are actually afraid to turn the page. (Stephen King's Tommyknockers comes to mind) All the torture-porn generates is revulsion at best, and bored medical detachment at worst.
I can understand why you defend your work so vigorously. In fact, that defense is the only reason I'm writing this. Someone who has the backbone to stand up to perceived abuse deserves some measure of praise. Even if that defense was a tad misled. After all, we're just trying to help.
If I really was a troll, I probably would have insulted you personally in some manner, rather than draw attention to some flaws in the story. I prefer calling myself an undiscriminatory adjudicator. A tad more on the mark, if I do say so myself.
Look at this as a learning experience. A few harsh comments aren't a good reason to rage. Take them as the constructive criticism they are and move on. If you don't show any signs of improvement...well, then you can rage all you want. But there is no growth without adversity.
see what I mean?
575303 I see what you mean. I understand, this isn't going to be the next Molestia, but by god, I at least want this to be known by 10% of the brony population
576370 theres a lot of bronies, be happy with what you geyt
I am pleased with the coincidence that after I asked for an AJ chapter, it was the second one. Now, about that Rarity chapter...
RIGHT ON IT PEOPLE!
Derpy @ Soldier
Demoman @ Zecora?
Heavy @ Big Mac (Since they're both the biggest in both dimensions.)
578325 alright, not bad suggestions. I'll definitely consider.
.......i'll be honest...this was kinda horrible (no offense intended) it needs so much more thought to be put into it i mean come on i now TF2 is supposed to be zany but there's zany and then there's this "Red Engineer was hard at work with a new project with blueprints he developed five seconds ago. He was done in ten seconds." or "Spy: Gentlemen. Can anyone say Dimension Trip?
Final thought: needs to be fleshed out and serious thought needs to be put into what your actually doing with this instead of rushing to get to the point you want to convey (what i assume is to be them entering equestria)
out of
All: Dimension Trip!" i want to find that one funny but i honestly can't, it's just contrived.
Although i have to say the fact that it seems to be written in script form is...interesting? i suppose.
At a glance i don't think a lot of work went into this fic (or at least this page).
My personal rating: As it is now
Thank Celestia, he didn't notice the ScoutDash clop-fic! PHEW!
Author: What did you say?
Derpfish: I said ScoutDash clop-fic.
Author: WHAT!?!?!
Mane 6:
personly,i like tf2 and ponies,but,togeter,its an awesome fusion
.
awesome
thats a important point for you,use it cleverly
but in this case.... was....
contras:
but....theres a contra....you had to aim in 2 charas at time,like in the chapter 4.that was good!,except on the start.why? the answer is
-random comments and stereotypes about the character!
-you don use this or this....it could be useful sometimes to contrast some things sometimes
that is a little problem,but is not a BIG problem.
pros:
-you know about the character,you catch the attitude of every single character
-the story is good,very vey good
its only my little review
584159 first of all, put the weed down and turn it in to the proper authorities. Secondly, thanks? I guess?