Just Another Day? Another Dimension
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, it was a regular day too. Everypony was busy with something, doing whatever there was to be done. Twilight with her studies, Fluttershy her animals, Pinkie her parties, Applejack with harvesting, and Rarity with her dresses. Only Rainbow Dash was not doing anything, having been given the day off by the cloud patrol. Everypony was nonchalant, until out of nowhere, a massive beam of light appeared in the center of town. Then, a strange device slowly descended down from the light beam while everypony looked on in awe. Twilight and her friends raced there as fast as their legs could carry them. When they made it, they found a large chamber with a big door.
Twilight: What in Equestria is that?
Rarity: Could be anything. I hope whatever it is, it's beautiful.
Fluttershy: I hope it's something for the animals.
Applejack: An alien device to help with harvesting... maybe from Ellis.
Pinkie: Oooh, I hope it's a big party invitation!!!
Rainbow: Or a new entrance for the wonderbolts!
Everypony anxiously awaited to see what was on the other side of the chamber door. The latches one by one came undone, revealing nine silhouettes.
Twilight: (thought) More humans? maybe with a message from Ellis...
When the smoke cleared, Engineer stepped outside and breathed in the fresh air.
Engineer: This place seems more homely than back home! Now where in blazes are we?
He looked around and saw nothing but horses, some with wings, others with horns, and some regular.
Engineer: What the hell?
Twilight: Are you friends of Ellis?
Engineer: Ah!
Engineer was completely caught off guard at the mere thought of a talking horse.
Engineer: (thought) Horses can't talk! This is some kinda messed up dream... maybe i oughta lay off the alcohol for a while.
Scout: What's the matter, Hardhat? Where are we?
Engineer: We seem to have ended up in a village of... talking horses.
All: What?!?!?!?!?!?
Engineer: I know it sounds real weird, but it's true. take a look fer yerselves.
They all stepped outside, and sure enough, they were surrounded by horses.
Twilight: Do any of you know Ellis?
All: Ah!
Engineer was right. These horses could talk! Sniper was the only one who dared to speak.
Sniper: Sorry, ma'am. 'fraid none of us know this Ellis fella. Ya don't mind me askin' where the bloody hell are we?
Twilight: This is Ponyville.
Sniper: Ponyville?! Where in the name of the queen is that?
Twilight: In Equestria.
Sniper: Equstria!?!?!?
Twilight: (thought) They must be from Ellis' world.
Twilight: I don't know how to explain this, but it appears you've mysteriously arrived here like another human who came here about a year ago. Did you recently come here from fighting zombies?
Engineer: No, there was no zombies where we came from.
Twilight: But... How can that be? Ellis had been fighting for his life from undead humans.
Engineer: Well, he must'a been from a different dimension than us. That's how we got here, dimensional transport.
Twilight: We need to have a serious talk. End of Chapter
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The synopsis leads me to believe Steve Irwin is involved somehow.
No, Saxton Hale.
569887 Nope,
SAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!!
569952
Lolling at your 8 second late post.
569991 Lolling at the fact that you forgot to reply to him ^_^
well...this may get a little inteesting if saxton hale...wait...i did that wrong...it WILL be interesting when SAXXXXXXXXXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE appers
Meh, he'll see it when he checks yours.
Wow. I'm amazed my story even made it, not to mention all the "support" so far. Tell me what you guys think, what I should keep, what I should change... Sorry about the format, I just find it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much easier that way. More to come later, and maybe a few unexpected surprises. << >>
Also, for those who like it, don't forget to join my group, ponies anonymous!!!!! Or suffer the adorable consequences.
A mixture of my favorite show AND my favorite TV show? So Awesome!!!
Continue. Please.
>>detoxify thank you very much. I certainly will. You know, it's weird. I fully expected this thing to crash and burn. Instead, it's completely exceeding my expectations. Thanks to all those who support me and join my group.
>>Derpfish that comment was for you
However, I regret announcing that after I continue tomorrow, I will likely not get any more work done until Wednesday because I go to my dad's Friday and I won't have my Laptop with me so I can't work for a while. But to anyone who has a suggestion which character should be paired with which pony aside from the mane 6 I'll gladly take suggestions into consideration.
There, There, Have an eagle.
What do you mean, have an eagle?
If they forget to spy check I'll just go there myself and yell at them. Pros: I'll be in equestria! Cons: they have guns
>>anut9 thanks. To everyone, I literally just thought of an idea for chapter three. engy discovers the teleporter is broken so they have to say in ponyville until it's fixed. Then it goes on to everyone accepting their new environment... Everyone, but scout, that is. It's gonna be like a "scout hates ponyville, it hates him back" kinda thing. Not giving away too much!
I think Heavy and Fluttershy could kick it off, if you know what I mean.
you're new to this aren't you?
bad points (not trying to be the bad guy but criticism is the best way to improve)
humans are WAY too accepting, they should be flipping the fuck out
chapters are horrendously short
the speaking lines are way too generic, instead of having "all" have each character have a different reaction. you could have medic want to dissect the ponies to see what allows them to speak (a little twisted, but have you seen the meet the medic video?)
the blu intel room is in another dimension, but you can walk there (plot hole)
needs to be more creative, don't just write the first thing that comes to your mind and stick with it
needs quotation marks
use italics for thought
good points
i don't remember any major spelling errors
you actually remembered to start a new paragraph for dialogue
570889 and dont tell people what youre going to do
You should probably take it out of script format.
571306 Thanks for the criticism, but really, did you have to be that harsh?
I am new to this, but really, Not bad for a first timer, right? Right? But thanks anyway. You'll like it soon enough. 
569952 Nah.
SAAAXTON. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!
Holy crap this is HORRIBLE!
Even though you're new to this, it's in script form! Did you not read the publishing rules?
Please fix it! I want to read this!
They got over it a bit too quick, but a lot of great fics do that.
Still not sure about the dialogue, though.
At least this is readable, unlike a lot of other fics I've read.
whats up with the L4D2 ellis thing?
Wut?