Team Friendship 2

by W9001PILLSHERE

The Epic Battle of Ponyville (part 1 of 3)

Saxton: You lot have taken over a week off instead of the day you were given. And now I find you playin' dress up with ponies? Ponies?!? You're mercenaries, not little girls! And Redmont Mann told me personally to get you back on duty.

Scout: And how the hell did you find us? This is another dimension, and hardhat's machine is still here with us.

Saxton: I'm an Australian, what can't I do?

Sniper: Good point.

Saxton: Now get your asses back to 2fort!

Engineer: We can't. We're not ready yet.

Saxton: Then looks like I'm gonna have to teach you lot and your new pets a lesson!

Twilight: Excuse me, sir-

Sniper: Not now Twilight. This guy is not the type for reasoning.

Saxton: Did, did that horse just talk? I'm an Australian and that seems ridiculous.

Sniper: No. (whispering to Twilight) Don't speak. It's probably not a good idea.

Saxton: So. Who's first?
The massive madman slowly walked through the streets of Ponyville towards the mercenaries.

Saxton: How about... You! Spy. You're up first to feel the pain.
As Hale swung his burly fist at Spy, he went soaring through the air.

Rarity: No! You... Monster!
As she said this, everyone and everypony put hands and hooves on their faces.

Rarity: What? Is it something I said?

Saxton: So these horses can talk! I knew it.

Twilight: We're called ponies, and you don't have to do this!

Saxton: I don't care what you're called, these boys blew off work and they're gonna pay the price.
Rarity was upset but remained calm. Her sadness suddenly turned to anger.

Rarity: You... killed him. You're going to pay.
With this, she took of running full speed at Hale, horn ablaze with a new color of magic she had never felt before. The impact couldn't have been more powerful, unless it came from Hale himself.

Saxton: Oof! Well, not bad pony, but not good enough!
As Hale swung, a revolver shot hit his hand away, getting Rarity out of the punch's directional path.

Spy: Gentlecolts.

Rarity: Spy! I'm so glad you're alive! But, how?

Spy: Remember this?
Spy pulled out a pocket watch.

Rarity: You handsome rogue.

Saxton: Very sneaky, Frenchie. Now you're all gonna die, and nine new mercenaries will take your place. Now die!
Hale came charging in the direction of everyone, and they quickly teleported away, courtesy of Twilight.

Twilight: How do we stop this guy? Can't one of your headshots or back stabs kill him instantly?

Sniper: He's a typical Australian. Not to mention practically invincible, even to headshots and back stabs.

Twilight: Then what do we do?

Sniper: We fight him. He can be defeated, if we concentrate enough firepower on him.

Twilight: Alright. everypony split up. We'll take him down one way another.
Everyone disbanded and found different spots, after obtaining communicators. They waited. It was agreed upon that Scout and Rainbow Dash volunteered to be the diversions, being the fastest. They found Hale angrily snarling at a group of helpless ponies.

Rainbow: Hey! Leave them alone. They haven't done anything.

Saxton: Well. The cowards have returned. Alright, baseball boy, you're the first to die.

Scout: Bring it, you overgrown Kangaroo with no fur.
Scout and Rainbow Dash hoofed.

Saxton: Suicidal now, aren't we?
Hale went charging at the pair, who, immediately got out of the way. They ran and flew out of the way of Hale's fist. They dodged him and got ready to strike. Scout pulled out his pistol and started firing.

Saxton: Do you really think that pathetic excuse for a weapon will hurt me?

Scout: Nope, but it will distract you.
Rainbow Dash did a dive bomb out of the sky and nailed Hale's head.

Saxton: Not bad, not bad. That actually hurt a bit.

Scout: Batter up!
Scout pulled out his deluxe Sandman baseball bat and baseball. He nailed a hard hit right onto Hale's forhead.

Scout: Now, Dash!
Scout and Dash rushed in and started beating Hale hard. After five seconds...

Scout: Now, pull out!
As the pair backed up, Hale regained sense.

Hale: Okay, play time's over. I'm gonna hurt you so hard, your body bags are gonna need body bags!
Hale rushed forward with he speed and power of the Running of the Bulls times twenty.
Scout jumped left... Hale smashed him into the ground with his right fist. Dash went to her injured friend.

Rainbow: Scout! No! Medic! Fluttershy! Anyone! Scout is down! Repeat, Scout is down!

Scout: heh... Didn't think that psycho could have done me in. I'm not out yet. I'm at one hp. He, here. You're gonna need this.
Scout handed his can over to dash, who gripped it tightly in her hoof.

Scout: I'm gonna play dead for awhile. Just get that quack of a doctor over here... That koala ain't gonna beat me.
Rainbow shed a tear.

Scout: Now get him. For me.
Scout shut his eyes. Rainbow put her head on his chest to make sure he wasn't really dead. She felt a pulse.

Rainbow:Good. He's not dead. Better play along. You... killed him. He's dead. And he'll never be back.

Saxton: And?

Rainbow: I'm the fastest pony in Equestria. And with this, I will personally ensure you fall as friend here has.
Her eye started twitching and she grew a massive smile as some loose hairs on her mane became undone.

Saxton: That's nothing. You'll be fast. Big deal.

Rainbow: Try me.
She flew as high as she could and drank the Bonk! She then proceeded into a massive Sonic Rainboom, the biggest and fastest she had ever done. She also drank the Crit-a-Cola that Scout had given her earlier. She started glowing in a massive, rainbow-colored explosion, more powerful than that of the Elements of Harmony. She continued downward, at a breakneck pace. She kept going until she reached her destination. Directly on top of Hale's head. The impact was so powerful, Rainbow Dash was blown away by a good half-mile. She saw the true extent of the damage she had done. Hale's whole head inverted downwards. Hilarious.

Rainbow: Good. Looks like I got him.
But this victory was to be short-lived. Hale popped his head out and cracked it back into place.

Rainbow: Oh boy.

Saxton: So. Think that was funny did you?
Meanwhile, a few hundred feet away, Pyro and Pinkie were watching from the shadows.

Pyro: He's a nearly invincible madman. We have to stop him and save Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie: You're right. But how?

Pyro: From what I've seen, you certainly have abilities beyond those of normal ponies. I've got it! Throw him a "party".

Pinkie: A... Fire party?

Pyro: Now you're speakin' my language.
Pyro put her mask on, but just enough that she could still talk clearly.

Pyro: You ready?

Pinkie: As I'll ever be. And after he's toast, we'll have an amazing party.
The pair started running towards the cowering Rainbow Dash, severely injured from her near suicidal attack. Just as Hale was about to deliver the final blow, Pyro lit him up with a shot from her flare gun.

Saxton: So the next victims arrive. Fire feels like a regular summer day to me, you should know that by now.

Pinkie: Well, we're about to have a party that'll last all summer long.
Pinkie rolled in her trusty party cannon and began firing flare gun shots at Hale nonstop. He was blinded and burning. Then, things took a turn for the worst. It started raining.

Pyro: Oh no! Run, Pinkie, run!
The Pink Mare high-tailed it out of the battle zone as fast as she could. But Hale was an excellent jumper, landing right in front of her.

Saxton: Now where do you think you're going, missy?

Pinkie: Um, it's Pinkie. And I've got an important party to host so... If you could just step out of the way...

Saxton: Sorry, Pinkie. Looks like you'll have to suspend the party because you'll be spending the next few months in a hospital bed!
Hale raised his fists with full intent of obliterating the mare. He was at max height when something hit him in the back. A rocket.

Derpy: Stay away from my friends!

Soldier: Nice shot, private!

Pyro: Soldier! Thank god.

Soldier: Get out of here, you two. I've got an ass-kicking to deliver.

Saxton: Well, next target. The war-crazed American. You're dead like your friend over there.

Soldier: Scout! No! I will kill you now!
As Soldier readied his rocket launcher, he felt something in his chest.

Soldier: Your luck has just run out, you crazy kangaroo. Derpy, no muffin this time. I'm doing this.

Derpy: Are you sure? It's dangerous.

Soldier: I know what I'm doing.
Soldier's chest started to expand, followed by loud screams of what was presumably pain. He bent over, coughing on the ground and screamed some more. Finally, he stopped, and got to his feet. He was different.

???: I am Painis Cupcake.

Pinkie: Oooooooooooooh, I love cupcakes!

Pyro: Not a good cupcake, Pinkie.

Comments

[W9001PILLSHERE]

641624 He's not necessarily evil, just carrying out orders from Redmont Mann, head of the Red team. He's punishing the RED's for their unexcused, extended vacation.

[Jtpivot]

Nice work. more battle!

[W9001PILLSHERE]

643822 it was autocorrect it says ax is the proper spelling

[W9001PILLSHERE]

652640 It's not semen, it's... you know, i don't even know. Some liquid that comes out of them when you do something.

[W9001PILLSHERE]

658658 stfu it's not completely a script so deal with it and enjoy

[W9001PILLSHERE]

659855 well, that would be stupid if she didn't...

[Lonewolf554]

is it over?

[W9001PILLSHERE]

661404 I don't know.

[Lonewolf554]

661600dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Scootaloo.png but you`re the one writing it!!!

[W9001PILLSHERE]

661614 if you mean the story, then no, it's not over. Painis Cupcake is about to square off against saxton hale in the beginning of the next chapter.

[W9001PILLSHERE]

662175 thanks?

[Derpfish]

Continue almighty god of crossover fan-fics. *Bows down and offers firstborn*

[W9001PILLSHERE]

665866 do you by any chance desire to partake in sexual relations with my fan fiction?