Team Friendship 2

by W9001PILLSHERE

Adventure 2: Honesty and Integrity

Engineer and Apple Jack were both heading towards Sweet Apple Acres with the teleporter in tow (thanks to Twilight and Rarity, with assistance from a massive wagon). They both had so many questions, but neither seemed willing to break the ice. Then finally, Engineer spoke up:

Engineer: So, I take it cuz of your accent, your from down south?

Apple Jack: We're headin' south right now.

Engineer: Well, since this place is different, I'm not sure my calculations can be accurate...

Apple Jack: Aw, don't muddy the issue with yer fancy mathematics. We're simple creatures. I'm from right here in Ponyville. I didn't exactly enjoy the thought of bein' a farmer, so I moved to Manehattan.

Engineer: Please tell me mah ears all still workin'. Did you just say Manehattan?

Apple Jack: Yeah, why?

Engineer: Well, back home, we have a city called Manhattan.

Apple Jack: Well ain't that a coincidence.

Engineer: I suppose.

Apple Jack: After bein' unable to adapt to city life, I came home.

Engineer: That's all fine and dandy. Now, you have any tools?

Apple Jack: Well, we have a saw, paint, and a hammer.

Engineer: I'm not sure, but that should be enough for me to fix this thing in about a week with eight hour work days. Funny, took me ten seconds to build the darn thing.

Apple Jack: Ten seconds? Some Engineer you must be.

Engineer: Yer darn tootin'! I can also quickly assemble automatic weapon turrets and supply buildings when necessary.

Apple Jack: Wow. We don't have many weapons here in Equestria, mostly just spears for the Canterlot Royal Guard.

Engineer: If that's it, then my dimension has quite the significant lead in weaponry.

Apple Jack: Yeah, well that's for a few reasons: Most ponies are peaceful folk, not one to rush to violence. We also have magic jewels called the Elements of Harmony, which me and mah friends used to defeat two of the biggest threats to Equestria ever.

Engineer: I don't understand this and I'm gonna assume that this is just an alcohol induced dream, but if not, then I'm just gonna go with it.

Apple Jack: Well, we're here.
Engineer took a look at the big red barn and started writing some notes.

Apple Jack: What in hay are you doin'?

Engineer: If I take some extra time to work, I can make some minor modifications to yer barn to make life easier. Hell, you'll still have work to do aplenty with all those apples, but everything else'll be a breeze.

Apple Jack: Why, Thank ya kindly, but if it's askin' to much of ya, I will insist you stop.

Engineer: It's no trouble at all, AJ.

Apple Jack: Well, I better introduce ya to the family. Apple Bloom! Big Mac! Granny Smith! We have a guest.
Apple Bloom was the first one out.

Apple Bloom: Sis, who is this gu-
She dropped silent at the sight of the Engineer.

Apple Bloom: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Another human!

Apple Jack: Apple Bloom, be polite! This is my friend, the Engineer.

Engineer: Pleased to meet ya.

Granny Smith: Well Howdy! My, another of these funny lookin' tall fellers. Never thought I'd see the day where another one of these fellers came back.

Big Mac: Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, home to the best apples in all of Equestria.

Engineer: Well, It's mighty nice to meet ya'll. I've got some work to do, but I'll start tomorrow.

Comments

[W9001PILLSHERE]

573817 Wait no longer, my friend.

[W9001PILLSHERE]

Status Update: I just thought of this randomly. To everyone who doesn't like the combos I choose, I'm sorry but I can't please everyone. The combos that I choose are the ones I stick with. However, in terms of suggestions, I'm still looking for ponies for Soldier, Demoman, and Heavy. Suggestions, people, suggestions! Now get bloody goin'!

[W9001PILLSHERE]

574354 don't worry! Fluttershy will be just fine... And then some.

[Ferote]

573738 see? i aint a bad guy once you get to know me. i just want to help make better writers

[W9001PILLSHERE]

574997 I understand that, but different people have different views of what something great is. For example, I thought this story was gonna be a total flop, but it's doing pretty well. Again, I thank you for your criticism and hope we may one day work together.

[Ferote]

575070 If you want some real critisism ask "fannotanerd"
That guy is brutal
(Copy paste from comments on HIE cupcakes
While I do understand that this is your first fanfiction, that does not under any circumstances mean that I should be lenient. I have upheld a reputation of being as blunt as a lead pipe, and there's no reason I should break it. If praise is deserved, I give praise. If it needs criticism, I'll give it. And if you're a bit too sensitive to take it...well, that's your problem.

But let me just inform you that Cupcakes has a label of "infamous" for a good reason. I don't think anyone actually liked the original, so spin-offs and re-imagings of what is essentially an unrealistic torture-pornography are typically not received well. If you want to practice your writer's craft...stick to a relatively safe premise, like an innocent shipfic or something.

And while you said you didn't rush it, I never said you did either. I said it feels rushed. It moves too quickly. It's a common beginner's mistake (I admit I suffered from it a little on my first fanfictions) and one that, while forgivable, must still be pointed out. If you do insist on making more horror fics, keep in mind that it's all about pacing. Have you ever seen a good Stephen King novel below 300 pages? (Apart for short stories. I did mean good, after all) I haven't either. Good horror isn't Cupcakes-style. It's mostly psychological, where the reader's imagination does all the work. You have to hint and hint that something bad's going to happen until the readers are actually afraid to turn the page. (Stephen King's Tommyknockers comes to mind) All the torture-porn generates is revulsion at best, and bored medical detachment at worst.

I can understand why you defend your work so vigorously. In fact, that defense is the only reason I'm writing this. Someone who has the backbone to stand up to perceived abuse deserves some measure of praise. Even if that defense was a tad misled. After all, we're just trying to help.

If I really was a troll, I probably would have insulted you personally in some manner, rather than draw attention to some flaws in the story. I prefer calling myself an undiscriminatory adjudicator. A tad more on the mark, if I do say so myself.

Look at this as a learning experience. A few harsh comments aren't a good reason to rage. Take them as the constructive criticism they are and move on. If you don't show any signs of improvement...well, then you can rage all you want. But there is no growth without adversity.

see what I mean?

[W9001PILLSHERE]

575303 I see what you mean. I understand, this isn't going to be the next Molestia, but by god, I at least want this to be known by 10% of the brony population

[Ferote]

576370 theres a lot of bronies, be happy with what you geyt

[Derpfish]

I am pleased with the coincidence that after I asked for an AJ chapter, it was the second one. Now, about that Rarity chapter...

[Derpfish]

RIGHT ON IT PEOPLE!
Derpy @ Soldier
Demoman @ Zecora?
Heavy @ Big Mac (Since they're both the biggest in both dimensions.)

I have made no clopfics based on this fanfic!

[W9001PILLSHERE]

578325 alright, not bad suggestions. I'll definitely consider.

[Derpfish]

Thank Celestia, he didn't notice the ScoutDash clop-fic! PHEW!

Author: What did you say?

Derpfish: I said ScoutDash clop-fic.

Author: WHAT!?!?!

Mane 6:

[W9001PILLSHERE]

584159 first of all, put the weed down and turn it in to the proper authorities. Secondly, thanks? I guess?