• Member Since 29th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 8th, 2016

stoopidity


I'm here to chew bubblegum and showcase my writing skills, and I'm all out of writing skills.


T

It's not that driving is impossible, it's just impossible for a formerly-hoofed creature such as Sunset Shimmer. She had almost wrecked Flash's car in the past, and to be honest, it would've been funny if she did.

So without a ride to Pinkie's place, Sunset is forced to wait at the bus stop. She could complain about sitting in the freezing weather, or how the bus is notorious for being late and smelling like bodily fluids, but Adagio Dazzle is also waiting for the bus, sitting alone miserably on the bench and shivering in her boots.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 41 )

I like zis. Do continue. Or else.

My my...don't just sit there looking at my comment! You have a story to write!:ajsmug:

I have to go finish a fight scene, so I will be back to read this later, but for now I feel safe in dropping this anyway:
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg

5612788
Or else what? 2spooky4me

5613016
Now I have an excuse for whenever the story's delayed: I was staring at your comment all day. :ajsmug:

5613065
I've always wanted to be pirate approved. I hope I meet expectations

i love it so far

Great story so far. I can't wait for more.

Total squee moment when I saw this pop up in my feed yesterday under these tags. I agree with the others in that I'm looking forward to more. Cute ending to the chapter here as well. =)

Glad to see you pursuing this pairing, as it's my favorite by far right now.

Very in-depth, quaint detailed descriptions and very in-character moments. :twilightsmile: can't wait for more.

I don't normally give a favourite in the first chapter... But this is just too good! Have a Fav!:twilightsmile:

Can't wait for next chapter! :derpytongue2:

Reminds me of "winter's fucked up"

Mad

This is probably the most heartwarming fanfiction featuring Adagio I've read since watching rainbow rocks. Ten spikes :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

loved it. and this:

Sunset’s hand met the window to wipe the fog away, but she quickly stopped herself when she nearly wiped away the seven digits and the siren’s signature that was written on the foggy window.

Adagio's always a step ahead.

That was a cute scene.

5614498
Glad to hear that from the one who made the art that first got me interested into the pairing.

5616282
I didn't know what you were talking about at first, then I lol'd.

5616358
Most heartwarming for a story taking place in winter? Either I did something very right or very wrong. :moustache:

5616537
Probably my favorite part that I wrote for this chapter. :twilightsmile:

5616598
forum-minecraftpvp-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/23379d3e5d3b8c85d35027c07b7f11b3166181e363b7e.gif

First, let me say that I love this story. It's a great short fic that could easily end here or be expanded.
That said, I can't help but copy edit as I read, and this one is a doozy.

Firstly, syntax:

Friendship was still something new to her that she had much to learn about, and it had only been a few weeks for her.

Sunset immediately pushed the distracting thoughts out of her mind.

Sunset completely saw herself in Adagio, and she knew it was a horrible feeling to live with.

To think that Sunset managed to get past everything with just a few friends...

It’s been a while since she was given a face that actually felt concern for her.

Secondly:

Adagio didn’t respond, and Sunset didn’t know if she was being ignored, or if the siren was waiting for her to continue. Sunset knew it was the former, but she continued talking as if it was the latter.

First she doesn't know, then she does, without any transition. This doesn't make a lot of sense.

Finally, I want to say this has quite the case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (or "former unicorn" syndrome, as it were). You use the phrase "former unicorn" seven times, and it got annoying pretty quickly. Contrast Sunset's name; used over a hundred times, but it never gets grating. Some of these are obviously trying to avoid pronoun confusion, which I understand, but I'm sure there is a way you could trim it down a bit.

Phew! That was a long post. Thanks for reading and please respond if you have any problem with my criticism.

I am intrigued :)

Normally I don't like siren/Adagio purification fics, but this one is pretty good. Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

5617445

First she doesn't know, then she does, without any transition. This doesn't make a lot of sense.

I see what you mean. Looking over that part, it just needed to be worded differently to make more sense.

Finally, I want to say this has quite the case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (or "former unicorn" syndrome, as it were).

Having "former unicorn" syndrome might be what I worried about the most while writing this. Like you said, I tried to avoid confusion, seeing as just using "her" and "she" does get confusing when the two lead characters are both hers and shes. I'll admit that having Lavender Unicorn Syndrome was my lazy way to avoid that, but of course it can be fixed.

Thanks. I appreciate the criticism. :twilightsmile:

I am so happy this isn't done yet. This story is fantastic, and I can't wait to see more!

Awesome, the story makes me almost feel happy for Adagio and Sunset, well i think it does, i like the story very much.

I am glad that Sunset isn´t just only happy, but said herself, that her friends doesn´t understand her completely, and i like it that Adagio wants only her help, it makes sense somehow. I hope that if the main six/ five, play a bit role in the story, that they don´t force themself on Adagio and Sunset to much.

I don´t want to see to less about the main six, but at the same time i don´t want them to disturb Sunsets attempt to help someone like herself.

5616537 Much better than what I was expecting to have happened.

I thought Sunset was going to notice Snails' phone missing, presumably in Adagio's pocket.

5722874
I did thought of that...
Actually, from the moment she asked "how did it felt?" (being struck by the elements) I started misstrusting...

5722883 I more meant purely as a means of communication less than honestly acquired...

I love this story :heart:
I hope you can continue soon :pinkiesad2:
you are very good writer :twilightsmile:

damn son whered you find this?


this is jesus m8 feckin love it

Sunset was just glad that Adagio was willing to let her look at the siren’s cute vulnerable face. Her striking, red eyes were beautiful.

There is 24 words in this sentence 3 x 8 = 24 there are 8 letters in Half life HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!

Wheres the next one....WHERE IS IT!!!!:flutterrage:

I'll just sit here waiting till the end of time for that next chapter.

5888500
I just need to hit up a necromancer is all. They're pretty hard to get a hold of.
a.k.a: i'm a slow ass writer ;-;

5892752
S'all good. Take your time.

Short and sweet - I like it; wouldn't mind seeing more!

This is really good. I was getting worried there at the end when it appeared that Sunset wouldn't have a way to communicate with her. Looking forward to the next chapter.

You know... If you're having trouble updating this, just mark it as Completed. This would be a nice oneshot.

5892752
I just read this. I love it! :pinkiehappy:

5892752 so is this story dead...or what?

oh god, please more. This is amazingly written.

new chapter please

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