• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen November 21st

Thunder Roller


Author and Future U.S. Army National Guard. Lightning Bolt is my Co-Author and Cloudfilly is my Editor. If you have any questions, just message me.

Sequels1



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After the battle of the bands, The Dazzlings run into a lot of trouble. They try their hardest to make things work, but they just can't. While they are at their lowest, they receive help from someone unexpected. Whether they like it or not.

Had a lot of help from my Co-Author and brother, Lightning Bolt. We are still beginners at writing, so if you notice something wrong, please let me know and I will fix it as soon as possible.

Rated Teen for Mild Language
Sex Tagged due to Sexual References and Partial Nudity

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 148 )

"I'd show you to his office, but I'm not aloud to leave the counter."

You meant "allowed".

"Okay, as a burger waitress, all you have to do is take their order's...

Orders. You wanted the plural, not a possessive.

"There is so much to chose from."

You meant "choose". You've got the past tense there rather than the present.

All that aside, this isn't bad. And I do feel sorry for the Dazzlings, even if they kinda deserved it.

5698712 Thank you, the corrections have been made :moustache: .

Comment posted by GingerScribbs deleted Mar 5th, 2015

As someone who currently works in a daycare, Sonata's job has my stamp of authenticity. I can almost smell it. :pinkiesick:

"Okay, as a burger waitress, all you have to do is take their orders, give it to me, I'll cook the food, and you give it to whoever ordered it. Then, once their done eating, you go back, give them their receipt, and they will give you money. Easy enough?"
"No, its the hardest thing in the world." Adagio said sarcastically. "Of course its easy!"

I think you mean "once THEY'RE done eating" and "Of course IT'S easy". But good job!

As the co-author, I am really liking the feed back. Thank you.

5700346 Thank you, the corrections have been made. :raritywink:

I feel like Adagio was fired way too quickly, that guy was her first customer (then again, insulting your first customer isn't a good idea). The manager could have just told him that he's an :yay:hole because he tells lies then expects people not to believe them c:

5704076 Very true, but getting temperamental with your customers is the best way to get fired on the first day. Thats what I said to Thunder when he brought it up :eeyup:

Sunset will eventually have to inform her friends about this including Princess Twilight and Spike.

5706169 Eventually, but there's no need to rush. Like Princess Twilight said at the end of Rainbow Rocks, "They're just three ordinary teenage girls".

5706435 Three ordinary teenage girls who are masters of flirting and have hot bodies.

"I-I'm your leader!" Adagio stuttered.
"Which means you're nothing without us." Aria pointed out.

That line was like one of most powerful lines I've ever seen!:ajsleepy:

Good work!:rainbowdetermined2:

Never far, Dazzlings! Help is here! :pinkiesmile:

Just want to say guys, thanks for all the positive feed back. We are planning on bringing Maud in the next chapter. I'm wanting to scar the Dazzling's a little, how do you guy's think it should happen?

Well that Crazy Sonata moment was kinda random but a good chapter nonetheless! :twilightsmile:

Also...

"Then what will you do?" Sunset asked. "Sense you're normal girls like us,

I think you mean SINCE.

I'm enjoying the story so far. Other than some minor spelling errors, my biggest problem is how Psychonata just seemed shoehorned into the story with no buildup. In the fancomic she originally showed up in, she finally snapped after realizing that after all of Aria's teasing and insults for centuries, Aria herself has such a silly (in her eyes, at least) fear as acrophobia. Here, she snaps after an offhand comment that Sonata is too emotional. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the buildup just seemed absent.

That said, since the seeds have been planted, I am interested in seeing if she makes another appearence in the next chapter or two.

5716438 Yes Psychonata was pretty random in there but the randomness will be explained further in the story. And thank you for the correction.

5717090 We do understand that Psychonata was pretty random, but the reasoning for this will be explained further down in the story.

5717528 Sounds good. I'm glad it'll be explained instead of just thrown in as a random gag. Can't wait to read it :pinkiesmile:.

Sunset and adagio? I ship it like...FEDEX!!!




























:facehoof:

He's been here sense he was just an egg.

"Since".

Sonata eyed the bird for a moment before sicked her finger into the cage.

I think swapping that with "she stuck" would work better.

Anyway, amusing chapter. I love Mr. Feathers, and I'm pleased the Sirens now have a pet. How soon until he starts to permanently nest in Adagio's hair, I wonder...

5723352 I'm glade you liked Mr. Feathers :twilightsmile: . Lightning (My Brother/Co Author) and I had a ton of fun writing him. Thank you, the corrections have been made.

We got the parrot and the bird.

Yes, Dagi, you really should think about cutting your hair. :rainbowlaugh:

Very good job! I very much enjoyed this chapter. An excellent way to capture the reader's attention. We see that the Dazzlings are fairing off as well as some would expect. In fact, things are far worse as they are about to be homeless. And even though they found jobs, keeping them is another matter. Now we'll see how things turn out once those three days are up. Even though they did do some bad thing, being homeless ins't a pretty sight to see on anyone. Really good job my friend. Looking forward to reading more.

Another great chapter! After the Dazzlings have been kicked out, they are forced to live under a bridge for a few days. I can't be easy living under those conditions. But then help arrives from a former villain, Sunset Shimmer. Although Adagio is reluctant, she finally accepts the help after Aria and Sonata go with Sunset to Pinkie's. A surprising, yet noble gesture. Then Pinkie welcomes them with open arms even after everything they've done. And now have some help and a roof over their heads, the Dazzling are one step closer to becoming reformed. Keep up the good work, the both of you. :twilightsmile:

very interesting :ajsmug:
I look forward to the night 4 :raritystarry:
you are very good :twilightsmile:

Its been a while sense it was played

'Since' it was played, you mean.

I've got some killer multilayer games!

Think you meant 'multiplayer' games there.

Only errors I could find. Loved the Spin the Bottle bit, particularly once Maud appeared. Love that you made her so puckish.

5734707 I'm glade you're enjoying it :twilightsmile: but I can't take all the credit. Lightning Bolt (My brother and Co-Author) helped a lot.

5734753 so, both are really good :twilightsmile:
My favorite part was when sunset adage challenge to take off his vest and blouse, and kiss aria gave sonata :heart:
I hope they can put more moments like this. :pinkiehappy:

5734744 Thank you. The Corrections have been made :moustache: . I seem to keep getting 'Sense' and 'Since' confused :applejackconfused: .

5734764 That is a possibility. I already have the more important parts planned but not all of the smaller bits. So I'm leaving room for the Viewers (Such as yourself) to give suggestions. If there is something you'd like to see happen then you can Private Message me and Lightning and I will consider adding it to a future chapter.

5734788 i understand
I am new and still not much use this page
as could send you that private message?

Thunder and I had fun writing this. We will try to make the next chapter just as good or better than this one. :twilightsmile:

5734800 If you scroll up all the way you can see my name, my picture, my self detail, and a few buttons in this order: Stories, Blogs, Followers, Following, Library, Statistics, and Mail. Click on Mail, and a Compose Private Message pop-up will appear. Type in the subject (Example: Suggestions), and then type in your suggestion below. Once your done, click 'Send'. Also, if your using a small screen, you can hold 'Ctrl', and press the ' - ' button. This will zoom out your screen so you can see the Compose Private Message pop-up better.

Thunder and Lightning, you both are really catching my interests with this story. Keep up the good work!

P.S., if Adagio goes insane, she can always talk to Mr. Feathers. Hehe, I can see that now. Say hi to Grumpy Bitch for me! :pinkiehappy:

P.P.S., Hehe, Grumpy Bitch and Taco Breath :rainbowlaugh:

Make sure the final night involves all the Rainbooms(and Spike) and the Dazzlings.

Funny because there is a mlp animation of the livingtombstone song five nights at freddies. Just type mlp animation fnaf its a really good animation with Freddie stuffing everyone into suits 0_o

Rainbow filched. "Well, I guess that would do it for me."

Do you mean "flinched"?

"See, were not bad." Sunset said, giving Aria a light punch on the arm.

And I think you mean "we're not bad".

But excellent chapter with more great interactions!

5737367 Yeah I love that song! Its one of the best Living Tombstone songs in my opinion :pinkiehappy:

5738163 Thank you, the corrections have been made :moustache:

Only one misspelling I could find.

"I'm glade you think so."

Take out the 'e', and you're good. :twilightsmile:

Imagine Mr Feathers going up to Teilight and telling her Sunset likes her

Huh so far this is pretty entertaining, granted nothing too crazy happened in this chapter but I'm guessing that'll be saved for later. Was admittedly hoping for something funny to happen like the stuff with Mr. Feathers, which was extremely funny by the way, but I guess they can't all be gut bustingly funny.

Overall pretty good so far, curious to see how it goes from here.

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