Chapter 1: Former Monsters
If there was one thing Sunset Shimmer learned about this world, it would be that it was much more advanced than Equestria. Her original home may have had the convenience and wonders of magic, but the humans surpassed ponies greatly in technology and communication. A unicorn would have to spend its magic in order to light up their home, while a human just needed to flip a switch. Mail had to be written and sent in scrolls in Equestria, and all a human needed was a phone in their pocket.
Speaking of phones, Sunset reached into her pocket to pull out her own. She reread the message her pinkest and happiest friend had sent her, with equally pink text and smiley faces, and replied with a simple ‘on my way.’ Her fingers fumbled as she typed, and she may have misspelled a word, but she couldn’t care less when her numbing hands were begging to be shoved into the warmth of her coat pockets.
Sunset let out a shivering breath, indulging herself in the way steam puffed out of her mouth. The cool air surrounding her bit at her skin, but it wasn’t enough to make her teeth chatter. Despite the weather, Sunset left her hood off of her head. She enjoyed the way the sparkles of snow fell and melted onto her hair. It was as if her fiery, red and orange strands were actually keeping her warm. It was cold, but it wasn’t freezing. It was snowing but not a blizzard.
Sunset looked around at the formerly black streets, grey sidewalks and green greens. Everything was now covered in a beautiful white. It had been a while since Sunset had really appreciated the snow. The last time it snowed, Sunset was blind with her craze for power. A small frown began to form on her lips as the unwanted memories began to resurface, but she immediately pushed them aside and replaced her frown with an optimistic smile. She was happy with where she was right now. She had great friends and had redeemed herself to Princess Twilight Sparkle and her fellow students ever since the Battle of the Bands.
Literally, though, she wasn’t happy with where she was right now. In the cold, Sunset made her way to the public bus stop, her feet leaving a trail in the snow as she walked through it. Pinkie didn’t live too far away from her, but there was no way she was spending a thirty-minute walk in the cold. She may have been enjoying the snow now, but it would only get colder at night in the short days of the winter. She didn’t want to arrive at Pinkie’s place late, nose red, sniffing and sneezing everywhere.
Although, Sunset wouldn’t mind the care from a concerned Fluttershy.
Her current predicament brought Sunset to another way this world was more advanced than Equestria. It’s not that driving was impossible...
“If these dumb, hairless monkeys can learn how to work these things, then Celestia’s prized student can too!” her old self thought.
... It was just impossible for a formerly hoofed creature, such as herself, that was still in the process of learning how hands work. She had aced the written portion of the test, unsurprisingly, but when Flash offered his help to teach her with the performance part of the test, she had almost wrecked his car. To be honest, it would’ve been funny if she did. The clenched, unconvincing smile on her ex’s face made her never go behind the wheel again. So her last resort was to take the public bus. As a result, she learned that the public bus was a horrible place that smelled like bodily fluids with a creepy bus driver that always stared at her behind whenever she passed by him.
After all of the trivial things that she hated about the bus, the one thing Sunset hated the most was that the bus was notorious for being late, and today, with all of the snow, was going to be no exception. As much as she didn’t want to sit in the cold and wait, Sunset figured it would be worth it if she got to spend more time with her friends. Ever since the Fall Formal, those five have been what kept her spirits up. Friendship was still something new to her that she had much to learn about, and it has only been a few weeks for her. Every opportunity to learn more about friendship that was offered to her, Sunset took it, sometimes a little too excitedly.
With her goal to get to Pinkie’s stronger, Sunset quickened her pace, and it wasn’t long until the bus stop came into view. In the distance, Sunset saw how the roof of the bus stop and the wooden bench outside of the roof was piled with snow. She also saw a person sitting on the snow-free bench that was protected underneath the roof. It wasn’t the most unusual thing for Sunset, but usually she waited for the notoriously late bus alone. Sunset paid no mind to it.
It was only when she was able to get a closer look at the other person that made Sunset stop in her tracks. She completely froze when she fully saw the person sitting on the wooden bench, alone and looking miserable as she shivered in her large, studded boots. It was the complete opposite of what she’d expect from Adagio Dazzle.
Sunset recognized her golden skin and curly, orange hair immediately. The siren wore a purple hoodie that looked too thin for the snow, and Sunset wasn’t proud of it, but she could also recognize those hips anywhere, clad in plain blue jeans. Her dark magic may have had no effect on the former unicorn, but if there was one spell that Sunset fell under, it was the way Adagio had moved her hips during her performances.
Sunset immediately pushed the distracting thoughts out her mind. The last time any of the three members of the Dazzlings had been seen, they were fleeing from the stage after being blasted by the Elements of Harmony and Sunset Shimmer. Despite being glad that Canterlot High’s newest threat was gone, Sunset was concerned for the three. Looking at Adagio, it felt like Sunset was looking at a completely different person. The siren’s haughty attitude, intimidating eyes and arrogant smirk were nowhere to be seen. They were all replaced with a gloomy mood, downcast eyes and a frown instead. The leader of the Dazzlings looked completely vulnerable.
That was until the girl realized she was being stared at and turned to lock eyes with Sunset. Her frown turned into a scowl and she immediately turned away, as if she was pretending the reason for her misery wasn’t there.
Sunset turned hot with embarrassment as she realized she had just been staring and standing there like an idiot, and she continued walking. Only a few more steps toward the stop is when she realized that Adagio was also waiting for the bus, and that they would have to wait together. Just the thought of that made Sunset cringe at how awkward that would be.
With only a few inches left until Sunset would cross paths with a former enemy of hers, she tried to think of a way out of her situation that was given to her all too suddenly. Walking passed her without batting an eye was the best idea she had, but that would leave her with having to walk to Pinkie’s, exactly what she didn’t want to do.
She wracked her brain for other ideas, even the advice from her most timid friend of going home and trying again tomorrow came to mind, but every idea that she thought of left her with a disgusted feeling for herself. The only idea that didn’t was sitting down next to Adagio and waiting for the bus with her. Another look at Adagio was all she needed as confirmation, for Sunset was reminded of her darker days and how they were eventually brightened. Sunset completely saw herself in Adagio, and she knew it was horrible feeling to live with.
Adagio seemed to stiffen as the crunch of snow underneath footsteps became louder and louder and stopped right next to her. Sunset sat down next to her on the bench, the scowl on the siren’s face turning into an unreadable poker face as she straightened her posture, showing that she was acutely aware of the unwanted person’s presence.
The moment Sunset’s bottom hit the wooden bench she instantly regretted it. The following minute that passed was the longest, quietest and most awkward minute she had ever experienced. Every attempt Sunset made to say even a single word died in her throat. Her mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. It only made the tension between them even thicker, making Sunset flinch when the first one to speak wasn’t herself.
“You waiting for the bus?” Adagio said.
Sunset cleared her throat to get her voice back. “W-Well... um...” She mentally kicked herself at the pathetic way her voice cracked. “... Yeah.”
“Good,” the siren said simply. “Then there’s no reason for us to talk to each other.”
Adagio crossed her arms and legs and proceeded to stare at the snow fall before them. Sunset tried not to seem hurt at her harsh words, but the frown on her face showed otherwise. It’s good that Adagio had not spared a single glance at her since she sat down.
“You know...” Sunset slowly began, after mustering up the courage to speak again, ignoring the other girl’s demand. “The bus is never on time, so I figured, why not start a conversation while we wait?”
Adagio didn’t respond, and Sunset didn’t know if she was being ignored, or if the siren was waiting for her to continue. Sunset knew it was the former, but she continued talking as if it was the latter.
“So...” Sunset said lamely, forgetting that she was never good at one-sided conversations. “Where are you headed to?”
Expecting to be ignored, Adagio made Sunset flinch again when she suddenly replied, “Getting food for the others... and job applications.” The tone in her voice was as monotonous as ever.
“Oh, where are your friends anyway–”
“Not my friends,” Adagio cut in sharply.
“Oh.” Sunset quickly decided to change the subject, slightly perturbed with the way Adagio’s voice finally changed its monotony, but into a tone that was on edge. Before the former unicorn could mutter another word, the other girl cut in again.
“In case you haven’t realized,” she said. “I am a one thousand year old siren that lost her only connection to magic because of you. I’m not interested in friendship, nor am I interested in yours.”
If Sunset thought that the siren’s words before were harsh, than that just took the cake. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I was concerned that I’d never see you again after the Battle of the Bands—” Sunset bit her lip when Adagio’s teeth clenched at the mention of those three words “—and I just wanted to help.”
“Help,” Adagio repeated to herself. She slowly turned to face Sunset, and for the second time that their eyes met, Sunset saw the mixture of anger and pain that were in the siren’s red eyes. Adagio laughed with a smile that showed the same emotions as her eyes, angry and pained. It was all too familiar for Sunset.
“Well you’re sure doing a fine job, Sunset Shimmer,” Adagio continued. “I lost my only connection to magic, as well as Aria, who wants absolutely nothing to do with me, and Sonata, who tries to stay optimistic even though I can hear her crying herself to sleep every night.”
Sunset tried to swallow the knot that formed in her throat but couldn’t. “Adagio, I–”
“Without our magic, we can’t just mind-control into getting what we want, and as a result, we now have to pay for food and the apartment which we can’t afford. The car we got was already towed this morning. We’re broke, and we’re going to have to start working, something us three have no experience in.”
“Look, I-I’m–”
“Any be we, I mean I. Aria wants nothing to do with me, and Sonata is too much of a bumbling idiot to do anything on her own! I’ve been doing my damned best for us to try and live as ordinary, pathetic teenage girls, and having been the opposite for over a thousand years, the shift is a bit dramatic!”
Sunset noticed Adagio’s voice beginning to crack as she finally switched from her monotone voice to angry yelling. Her clenched fists dug into her thighs while her shoulders trembled, and Sunset prepared herself for the other girl to lash out at her. After what she heard, Sunset would’ve gladly taken the hit, but instead, Adagio ceased her shaking and let out a long breath that was visible in the cold air.
“So if you’re trying to help, Sunset Shimmer, you’re gonna have to try way harder.” With her pent up anger released, Adagio went back to silently waiting for the bus to come, watching the snow fall.
There were a million ways Sunset could’ve responded to that emotional speech, most of them being apologies, but she surprised herself with the nonchalant response that came out of her mouth.
“You said you knew all about me, but you really don’t,” she said.
Adagio turned to her with an eyebrow turned.
“Who in Canterlot High did you mind-control to find out more about me?” Sunset asked.
“What does this have to do with anything?” Adagio remarked.
“You told your story, so I wanna tell mine," Sunset answered, waiting for the other girl to answer her previous question.
“Like I remember,” Adagio scoffed. “Just the first random girl that I–”
“So you really don’t know everything about me,” Sunset confirmed. “I’m guessing she said that I’m some monster, alpha-bitch of the school that split everyone apart, only to try and take over the school during a dance and failed? She wasn’t wrong, but she was too brainwashed to witness everything.”
Sunset tried to hide her amusement when Adagio turned to her with a flash of interest in her eyes. The former unicorn shivered slightly as a cold breeze grazed her skin and she forced her least favorite memories to resurface.
“Only eight other people in the entire school saw everything: the Rainbooms and two freshman boys that I used. Everyone else was literally brainwashed into a zombie-like state by yours truly.”
The interest on Adagio’s face immediately changed into an expression that simply said she didn’t believe her.
“You’re aware of the Elements of Harmony, right?” Sunset waited until after Adagio nodded to continue. “I took Princess Twilight’s Element of Magic, which turned me into a raging she-demon the moment I put it on. I then turned everyone else in the school into my own personal army to take over Equestria, and as a result, I left the school with a big ass hole in it and attempted murder against the Rainbooms, all before I was blasted by the Elements.
“I’d go more into detail, but I hate thinking about it, much less talking about it. The last thing everyone else in the school remembers about that night is me transforming, then crying on my knees before Twilight Sparkle.”
Adagio recalled the night at the diner when she discovered the same Equestrian magic that had taken her own. She realized Sunset was staring at her, waiting for her response so she hid the surprise in her eyes with an unreadable expression.
The siren scoffed and crossed her arms. “That sounds like a story written for children. You really expect me to believe that?”
Sunset sighed as she reached into her pocket. She pulled out a yellow phone with a sticker of a snail stuck onto it, something that really didn’t look like it belonged to her. "I should really give them back their phones, but hey, it’ll actually come in handy for once." Adagio heard her mutter under her breath.
The siren watched warily as Sunset offered the phone to her, waiting for her to take it. She took her hands out of her pockets and into the cold as she took the phone. Adagio realized that Sunset wanted to show her a video, due to the massive play button on the screen of the phone and tapped it, playing the video.
“I am your princess now, and you will be loyal... to me!” Adagio heard a familiar voice command. She couldn’t see anything due to the shaky camera that the video was recorded on. Instead, she heard a loud crash, followed by screaming that all came to an abrupt stop.
The shaky camera finally focused and Adagio saw the front of Canterlot High. The entrance of the building was nothing but rubble. Among the rubble stood the same students that she recognized during the Battle of the Bands, except they all stood uniformly as if they were all herded up, with their eyes glowing a bright cyan.
“I don’t want to rule this pathetic little high school,” the same voice from before said. “I want Equestria!” From the angle that the video was shot in, it took a while for Adagio to see it, but her eyes widened when she saw the tall, demonic figure floating in the air with bat-like wings, red skin, claws and a tail. The demon’s fiery head of red and yellow hair and similar voice were all too familiar. She heard the story about the night of the Fall Formal, but it was much more surprising actually seeing it. The power-hungry monster was nothing like the girl sitting next to her.
In the corner of the screen, Adagio noticed the other six members of the Rainbooms that she also despised with looks of determination on their faces, ready to fight. The camera then focused onto a similarly demonic creature but a short, blue-skinned boy instead. “You gettin’ this, Snails?”
“Yeah, Snips! We’re gonna be famous!” the one behind the camera, Snails, exclaimed.
Adagio watched the rest of the video. She watched as Sunset attempted to kill the Rainbooms with a giant fireball. She watched as those six girls grew ponytails, pony ears and pegasus wings with Equestrian magic, just like in the Battle of the Bands. She watched as the Elements of Harmony were activated, just like in the Battle of the Bands, and she watched as Sunset Shimmer was hit with the magic of friendship, just like herself.
Before Adagio could see more, the phone was suddenly snatched out of her hand. She turned to see Sunset shoving the phone back into her pocket with a grimace, muttering something along the lines of, “I can’t believe those idiots filmed it...”
Adagio looked at the expression that was on Sunset’s face for a brief second, a mixture of anger and shame, before the girl realized she was being stared at and turned red with embarrassment.
“Sorry... I just hate being reminded of my old self.” Sunset rubbed the back of her neck, more embarrassed that Adagio had to see her like that.
Adagio tried not to look surprised, but every time she just glanced at Sunset, it was hard to imagine that the girl she thought was now a goody-two-shoes used to be a power-hungry monster, bent on taking over Equestria. It surprised her more that the girl was so much of a threat that she was blasted with Equestria’s most powerful means of defense. It reminded the siren of herself, and how the end results of both of their stories were completely similar.
“Then why show it to me?” the siren said after regaining her composure.
“To prove to you that I wanna help,” Sunset answered confidently. “Everything that you’ve been through, I have too.”
“Really?” Adagio responded sarcastically, her pride getting in the way. “Everything?”
Sunset frowned in annoyance at the thought that after everything she had told and even showed to the siren, she still didn’t believe her. Albeit, it didn’t take long for Sunset to figure out that Adagio was just doing what she, herself, did when she was offered help. She was feigning ignorance and denying it.
All Sunset had to do was accept the help that was offered to her, and she was later given friendship, what she now considered the best thing in her now simpler life. She just wished Adagio could do the same.
“Yes, Adagio, believe me,” Sunset sighed. “I know what you’re feeling right now. You feel that you're all alone in this world—that everyone is against you. You want me to get the hell out of your sight before you punch me in the face, right?”
Adagio didn’t say anything but loosened her clenched fist instead.
“I felt the same way when the Rainbooms came to me while I was by myself, fixing the hole I left in the school. Just the thought of the people responsible for my misery trying to be my friends disgusted me. I made Fluttershy cry again, made Pinkie’s hair go flat and almost broke Rainbow’s nose.
“All I had to do was accept it, and now here I am. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in a long time,” Sunset finished.
Adagio watched as Sunset seemed to stare off into a daydream with a smile. She seemed to be thinking about her friends and happy thoughts. The expression on her face was soft, but Adagio noticed how warm it was. Adagio felt as if the other girl was literally living up to her name, giving off radiation and heat that completely warmed her up despite the snow and cold air biting at her skin.
Everything Sunset said was true. She completely read Adagio like a book, and it almost scared the siren with how accurate she was.
Adagio couldn’t look away from Sunset and the warmth in her smile and bright blue eyes. She looked genuinely happy. The siren recalled the Battle of the Bands and remembered all the glares and whispers from the other students aimed directly at Sunset whenever she just simply entered the room. To think that Sunset managed to get passed everything with just a few friends...
The siren clenched her teeth. She was going to hate herself for this.
“Sunset?”
Sunset was snapped out of her daydream and flinched for the third time when Adagio suddenly decided to speak. “Y-Yeah?”
Sunset turned, and the two girls unintentionally locked eyes. Adagio forced herself to finally look away, and she felt cold again. “How did it feel for you?”
“How did what?”
“After you were hit with the Elements of Harmony, how did you feel?” Adagio asked.
“I...” Sunset sighed. “I felt horrible. I regretted everything I’ve done—splitting everyone apart, bullying Fluttershy, literally attempting to kill Twilight. Everything from the moment I left Celestia’s side to when I was blasted with rainbows.”
Adagio’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of Equestria’s monarch.
“But the weirdest thing I felt was the realization after being hit. I had absolutely no interest in going back to my old self. I didn’t want to try again and gain power anymore, not in Equestria or the school.”
Adagio’s eyes seemed to widen more.
“Any evil villain would just get back up and try again. I didn’t want to at all. Even when Twilight helped me out of that crater and offered the help from those five, part of me was glad to hear that,” Sunset chuckled. “Figures, I did my studying, and the Elements of Harmony do cleanse all evil from their target. Good thing the Elements just turned me back to my old self and not into stone like one of its other victims. It depends on how much of a threat you really are.”
Sunset turned to the siren, waiting for her response, but was met with Adagio staring off into the snow with her eyes as big as bits. The speechless surprise on her face was bit unnerving for the former unicorn. “Uh... Adagio, you okay?”
Adagio snapped out of her trance and was met with the concerned face of Sunset Shimmer. The siren instantly started to feel warm again. It’s been awhile since she was given a face that actually felt concern for her. The only faces she had seen for the past few weeks was Aria’s scowl, Sonata’s fake smile and her landlord’s angry ‘give me money’ face.
“Y-Yeah... I’m okay.” With how warm she felt, she didn’t think or care enough to hide her vulnerable face from the other girl.
Sunset was just glad that Adagio was willing to let her look at the siren’s cute vulnerable face. Her striking, red eyes were beautiful.
Wait, what?
The out-of-nowhere thought was quickly pushed out of her mind when the sound of a running diesel engine caught her attention. Sunset turned and down the street was the bus coming toward them, windshield wipers turning furiously and snow flying from the tires.
Sunset sighed in relief and pulled out her phone—late as always. Looking at the clock, she figured she would have more than enough time to spend with her friends. She looked at Adagio, who sat up straight at the sight of the bus. Sunset didn’t know why she was upset at the thought of ending her time with the siren. After all, the whole time she was just angry and dismissive, but she became less angry and more dismissive the more Sunset explained herself.
The bus came to a stop before them, and the doors opened. Adagio entered first, followed by Sunset. The former unicorn made sure to shoot a glare at the bus driver as she passed him, paying him with some change for the ride. He could not make it more obvious that he was staring at the new girl’s behind. Sunset made the mistake of unintentionally following the pervert’s eyes and landed on the same thing he was staring at. Adagio’s hips swayed slightly, and Sunset immediately looked back up with a blush.
A few other people were taking the bus with them, but it was relatively empty with free unoccupied seats everywhere. Adagio took a seat before her and got herself comfortable. Figuring that she wanted to sit by herself, or just nowhere near Sunset, the former unicorn walked passed her to take her own seat.
Her breath caught in her throat when she felt a hand grab her wrist.
“Sit,” Adagio said.
“A-Adagio?”
“Before I change my mind,” she warned.
Sunset wasted no time taking her seat next to the siren. Once she sat down, the bus started moving. A few silent minutes passed as Sunset waited for the siren to say something, but nothing happened. Adagio wanted Sunset to sit with her for a reason, and thinking about her previous words, apparently it was something she was deciding whether or not to do.
Despite the silent, awkward tension between them, Sunset waited patiently. She wanted to do what she always did when she took the bus, look out the window and watch the buildings and people pass, but the glass was all fogged up due to the cold. Sunset was fine with waiting; she just hoped Adagio could bring it up before the bus reached one of their stops.
“You said that the Elements cleanse the evil from their targets, right?” Adagio finally spoke.
Sunset turned to Adagio, glad that she was finally talking. “Yeah, right.”
“I don’t know about Aria and Sonata,” Adagio said after another pause. “But... after I was hit with the Elements, I felt the same as you did.”
The statement didn’t come as a surprise for Sunset, due to the fact that was what Sunset had been trying to tell her from the moment she sat down with her at the bus stop. What surprised her was Adagio finally getting it.
“The moment I was banished to this world, the only thing I wanted was to be adored and take over this pathetic world. We were strong enough to take over Equestria, and there was no stupid, bearded wizard in this world to stop us. After we were hit with the Elements and our pendants were destroyed...” Adagio touched the spot below her neck where the red jewel used to be. “I didn’t want to anymore.
“I didn’t want to feed off of negative energy anymore. I didn’t want to control people into doing what I wanted them to do. Part of me was almost glad that the Elements destroyed our pendants...”
“Really?” Sunset asked in disbelief.
“Y-Yeah...” With her thoughts out in the open, Adagio turned red in embarrassment at the thought of another person seeing and hearing her as an emotional, vulnerable teenager instead of the arrogant, confident siren that she came across as. Looking at Sunset, she was just glad that it was her to witness it instead of anyone else.
“What I’m trying to say is...” Adagio said. “You’ve convinced me, Sunset Shimmer.”
“I did?” Sunset’s eyes widened.
“I wanna give it a chance. You seem to know what you’re doing.”
"That's... great." The surprise on Sunset’s face slowly turned into a smile. “That’s really great!"
“But don’t think that this means the same for your other friends. This is only between us,” the siren asserted.
“Sure, whatever you say.” Sunset tried but couldn’t wipe her stupid smile off of her face. The thought of not including her friends was a bit disappointing, but it wasn't enough to lower her mood.
“You’re...” Adagio seemed to turn red again and crossed her arms. “... a good person, Sunset. No one has ever taken the time or made the effort to try and help me—not in a thousand years.”
“I-I’m sure if any of my friends saw you again instead of me, they’d try their best to help as well.” Sunset turned red as well from the siren’s praise, rubbing the back of her neck.
“They’d try, but they can’t. They don’t know me like you do.”
Sunset thought about it, then nodded in agreement. They really didn't, and sometimes they couldn't understand even herself. A few more minutes passed in silence between them, but it was a comfortable silence for once instead of an awkward one. Sunset felt warmer when she glanced at Adagio, the thought of how the siren would act as a friend of hers was intriguing. Just like when she first started spending time with the five girls, it was going to be awkward, but in the end, all would go well.
Hopefully, Sunset thought.
The bus came to a slow stop, Sunset noticed, and Adagio sat up straighter as if ready to go.
“This is my stop,” she said, getting up from her seat. “Let’s talk again soon.”
“Yeah, sure,” Sunset agreed with a smile, just slightly upset at having to depart, but she hid it well.
Adagio flashed Sunset a small smile with a nod. For a second, the siren already looked like her old self again. Her cocky smirk suited her way more than the frown she’s been wearing since they met for the second time, and apparently had for weeks.
Sunset nodded back to her and watched as she walked off. Still, the former unicorn couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. The bus started moving again, and Sunset wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling cold again.
“Let’s talk again soon.”
Sunset nearly hurt herself slapping her hand against her own face when the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. How were they going to talk again? They had no way of talking to each other, except for meeting each other again at the same bus stop. She didn't even know if the siren owned a phone. Sunset rushed to the window quickly to see how far away Adagio had gone. She could just get off the bus and ask her. The siren couldn’t have gotten far, but trying to look out the window seemed ineffective due to the wet fog blocking her view.
Sunset’s hand met the window to wipe the fog away, but she quickly stopped herself when she nearly wiped away the seven digits and the siren’s signature that was written on the foggy window.
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My my...don't just sit there looking at my comment! You have a story to write!
I have to go finish a fight scene, so I will be back to read this later, but for now I feel safe in dropping this anyway:
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
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Or else what? 2spooky4me
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Now I have an excuse for whenever the story's delayed: I was staring at your comment all day.
5613065
I've always wanted to be pirate approved. I hope I meet expectations
i love it so far
Boodop boodop.
Great story so far. I can't wait for more.
Total squee moment when I saw this pop up in my feed yesterday under these tags. I agree with the others in that I'm looking forward to more. Cute ending to the chapter here as well. =)
Glad to see you pursuing this pairing, as it's my favorite by far right now.
Very in-depth, quaint detailed descriptions and very in-character moments.
can't wait for more.
I don't normally give a favourite in the first chapter... But this is just too good! Have a Fav!
Can't wait for next chapter!
Reminds me of "winter's fucked up"
This is probably the most heartwarming fanfiction featuring Adagio I've read since watching rainbow rocks. Ten spikes
loved it. and this:
Adagio's always a step ahead.
5613173
Finally got around to reading; Pirate Approval was entirely justified,
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/127/1/3/thor_and_mlp_meme_for_fimfic_by_ponpheonix-d64fsvg.jpg
That was a cute scene.
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Glad to hear that from the one who made the art that first got me interested into the pairing.
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I didn't know what you were talking about at first, then I lol'd.
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Most heartwarming for a story taking place in winter? Either I did something very right or very wrong.
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Probably my favorite part that I wrote for this chapter.
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forum-minecraftpvp-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/23379d3e5d3b8c85d35027c07b7f11b3166181e363b7e.gif
First, let me say that I love this story. It's a great short fic that could easily end here or be expanded.
That said, I can't help but copy edit as I read, and this one is a doozy.
Firstly, syntax:
Secondly:
First she doesn't know, then she does, without any transition. This doesn't make a lot of sense.
Finally, I want to say this has quite the case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (or "former unicorn" syndrome, as it were). You use the phrase "former unicorn" seven times, and it got annoying pretty quickly. Contrast Sunset's name; used over a hundred times, but it never gets grating. Some of these are obviously trying to avoid pronoun confusion, which I understand, but I'm sure there is a way you could trim it down a bit.
Phew! That was a long post. Thanks for reading and please respond if you have any problem with my criticism.
I am intrigued :)
Normally I don't like siren/Adagio purification fics, but this one is pretty good. Keep up the good work.
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I see what you mean. Looking over that part, it just needed to be worded differently to make more sense.
Having "former unicorn" syndrome might be what I worried about the most while writing this. Like you said, I tried to avoid confusion, seeing as just using "her" and "she" does get confusing when the two lead characters are both hers and shes. I'll admit that having Lavender Unicorn Syndrome was my lazy way to avoid that, but of course it can be fixed.
Thanks. I appreciate the criticism.
I am so happy this isn't done yet. This story is fantastic, and I can't wait to see more!
Awesome, the story makes me almost feel happy for Adagio and Sunset, well i think it does, i like the story very much.
I am glad that Sunset isn´t just only happy, but said herself, that her friends doesn´t understand her completely, and i like it that Adagio wants only her help, it makes sense somehow. I hope that if the main six/ five, play a bit role in the story, that they don´t force themself on Adagio and Sunset to much.
I don´t want to see to less about the main six, but at the same time i don´t want them to disturb Sunsets attempt to help someone like herself.
5616537 Much better than what I was expecting to have happened.
I thought Sunset was going to notice Snails' phone missing, presumably in Adagio's pocket.
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I did thought of that...
Actually, from the moment she asked "how did it felt?" (being struck by the elements) I started misstrusting...
5722883 I more meant purely as a means of communication less than honestly acquired...
I love this story
I hope you can continue soon
you are very good writer
damn son whered you find this?
this is jesus m8 feckin love it
There is 24 words in this sentence 3 x 8 = 24 there are 8 letters in Half life HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!
Wheres the next one....WHERE IS IT!!!!
I'll just sit here waiting till the end of time for that next chapter.
5619209 is this dead?
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I just need to hit up a necromancer is all. They're pretty hard to get a hold of.
a.k.a: i'm a slow ass writer ;-;
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S'all good. Take your time.
Short and sweet - I like it; wouldn't mind seeing more!
This is really good. I was getting worried there at the end when it appeared that Sunset wouldn't have a way to communicate with her. Looking forward to the next chapter.
You know... If you're having trouble updating this, just mark it as Completed. This would be a nice oneshot.
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I just read this. I love it!
5892752 so is this story dead...or what?
oh god, please more. This is amazingly written.
new chapter please
5892752
It's been five years-
are you gone its 2021 now