Episode 19: A Sore Winner and Sore Loser Walk into a Contest....
There was nothing more I wanted to do than to just get home, speed through my homework, and then shut my brain off for some therapeutic violence that only video games could provide. But, much to my disappointment, I couldn’t exactly do that.
Stupid Coach Spitfire, stupid ankle weights of death… I mentally grumbled out as I got closer to the back entrance of the school.
I wasn’t about to push my luck by trying to dip out of judging whatever lame contest Rainbow and Applejack were doing. Earning any more of the scary PE teacher’s ire was sure to be a death sentence. Seriously, that woman scares the crap out of me, and pissing her off any more was pretty high on my list of ‘Things to Never, Ever do if I Valued My Continued Existence.’ It was right there above going to Pinkie’s house (where no doubt only madness lied) and just below mentioning the Iguana Incident around my cousin.
Sticky tongues…sticky tongues everywhere, I thought in horror with as my eyes glazed over slightly before I snapped myself out of it. Alright, that’s enough of that!
I pushed the unwanted memory back where it belongs in the depths of my subconscious, and continued on. Thankfully, the walk to the track field was mostly silent with barely any sheep mumbling about or staring. The one bright side of staying after school is the lack of idiots to bother me with their mob mentality and failure to mind their own businesses. And by some saving grace, the few who remained were caught up in their own gossip to even look my way.
"I can't believe those three! How could they betray the school like that!?"
"You're telling me, I knew Adagio could be a bit abrasive, but this was just crossing the line."
"If she thinks I'm still going to vote for her for Princess of the Fall Formal this year she's got another thing coming!"
A smug grin started to form as I heard the gossip surrounding the Dazzlings. Adagio’s outraged face earlier was still satisfying, and hearing the fallout from my vengeance was just icing on the cake.
“But didn’t you hear? The trust fund kid blackmailed them. Surely they wouldn’t have willingly let the Wondercolt get defaced right?” some other girl suggested, causing me to scowl.
“Did they? What dirt could they possibly have on those three?”
“Shimmer and the new guy almost got kicked, and we wouldn’t have known better, so who knows? With deep pockets, anything’s possible.”
“Well if they were getting blackmailed, they should’ve reached out to someone! Two of our own almost got put to pasture.”
I sighed as the herd continued baaing and kept walking.
Gotta give Adagio some credit, she works fast when her reputation is on the line, I mused darkly.
It didn't surprise me in the least that the Dazzlings were already doing damage control over their role in the whole statue mess. Queen bees like Adagio rarely stayed in charge for so long without being able to handle a social crisis or two, and I seriously doubted this was the first time she had to cover her ass from some bad press. And with how cultish the school spirit was, it would have been social suicide if she didn't try and dig her way out of this mess.
They’ve lost the support of a good chunk of the masses thanks to that school spirit, but they’ll still have their loyal simps to defend them, I thought in annoyance as I heard more of the blackmail rumor swirling about. At least for now they won’t try anything over for payback, not while their pride is wounded.
And speaking of wounded pride, my little meeting with Vice Principal Luna had also been extremely satisfying. Enough so that even with the rumor mill whispering about, my spirits didn’t go completely into the dumps. Even still, while the confrontation had been vindictively glorious…it had also gotten a bit weird.
Sunset and I had been sat down beside each other in front of Luna’s desk once again, and let’s just say, the awkwardness between us hadn’t faded. You’d think a whole day of actively avoiding the other’s existence would do the trick of clearing the air, but you’d be wrong! We couldn’t look each other in the eye without scowling and looking away, and even speaking to each other felt stilted, so we sort of gave up on doing so. I still couldn’t wrap my head around why I was acting like such an idiot. I hadn’t intentionally peeped on her, so why was my brain feeling guilty and stupid?!
Thankfully Luna was still dressed up like a Jester and was looking absolutely miserable, so we had an excuse to focus on her instead of each other, but Mr. D was also there, recording the whole thing on his phone, smiling like a loon.
And as apologies went, Luna did seem sincere in her groveling for our forgiveness, as much as adult apologizing to a kid could be. I knew deep down that if we had been hung out to dry like she’d almost allowed, then she would never have thought twice about us, but her utter humiliation thanks to Mr. D felt like I could call it even. So even though it was a formality, I “accepted” her apology, as did Sunset.
To sweeten the deal, the VP even gave us an apology token, or a bribe as I like to call them. Her hush money was two coupon booklets full of free vouchers at many local businesses, something that was usually awarded to the honors students. I happily accepted mine, and was delighted to see that inside were quite a few passes to the Storm King Theater. Bad movie night had just gotten a whole lot better in my opinion, but then my traitorous brain had remembered my last outing with Sunset and I glanced at her. She too had her booklet opened to the theater tickets and had glanced my way. Almost simultaneously, we closed our books and hurriedly looked away from each other, back to our clown of a VP, saying our thanks.
I don’t think Luna noticed our little interaction, but I knew Distorted did, since he turned that mischievous grin towards us. Before I’d even had time to dread that look, Mr. D decided to wrap up Luna’s apology as he brought a pie out of seemingly nowhere and pushed it into her face.
The absurdness of it all left three of us laughing, and one us shaking in pure rage as she ordered us all out. Course that’s when I realized Sunset was laughing naturally again, which led me to clamming up, and in turn caused her to do so as well.
Mr. D took that opportunity to usher us both out while our VP wiped her face off with her own coat, and once we were out in the hallway, he brought out a camera that looked straight from the 80’s and took a picture of us. The flash was brighter than either of us had expected, and left us blinking.
In the midst of our blindness, Distorted mumbled something about ‘sending this to Cady for her blog,’ and then congratulated us once more, before disappearing before our sight returned. When we could both see again, Sunset and I both silently, yet awkwardly went our separate ways, which led to my march towards Coach Spitfire’s indentured servitude.
“Shimmer and her boyfriend are enemies of the Dazzlings, so I don’t know if I buy the blackmail angle,” some girl muttered to her friend, which caused me to groan. This caused both of them to look my way and clam up, but I kept trudging forward.
It was just team-up to avoid mutual destruction, nothing more or less dang it! I mentally complained in embarrassment. I swear, this whole incident better not add more fuel to that rumor!
With my mood quickly souring, I picked up the pace towards my stupid favor owed. My spirits wouldn’t be lifted in the slightest, but a least I’d keep my limbs intact.
Let’s just get this over with, make Rainbow win everything to piss the redneck off, and then get home, I thought bitterly as I finally exited the building and reluctantly headed to every nerd’s bane, the track field.
AT THE TRACK FIELD
“You have got to be kidding me…” I muttered in exasperation as I looked at the sight before me.
When you come to a track competition, you expect the usual fair with lots of boring running, jumping and maybe a pole vault or throwing a metal ball or frisbee to break up the monotony. What you wouldn’t expect is what I was seeing at that moment. An entire menu of literal circus games spread throughout the entire field. Not only that, but there were quite a few students filling the bleachers, and in front of it all was a platform with an announcer’s table, complete with microphone and comically large scoreboard. And speaking of the scoreboard, there were even portraits of Rainbow and the hick just in case you couldn’t figure out who was winning.
I signed on for watching two girls run around in some sort of pissing contest, what the hell’s up with this Olympics BS? I thought in bewilderment before shaking my head. Fricken Spitfire! I should’ve known it couldn’t have been that simple. But seriously, this isn’t even an official sports thing! Where’d they get all this junk?
Of course nobody answered my unspoken grumbling, so I reluctantly trudged my way towards the judging platform.
Guess I can’t just one-sidedly give this to Rainbow, there’s too many witnesses that will cry shenanigans, I thought glumly looking at all crowd waiting for a show. Seriously, do you people have nothing better to do? Or homework to finish? They could have done something simple, but noooo, they just had to make this a whole event! Why do you morons worship school spirit like a god?!
There were still quite a few students making their way towards the bleachers, that my trek wasn’t noticed, but it would only be a matter of time. As I placed my backpack under the judge’s table, I noticed that there was only one chair.
“Oh you-Really? They want to add public speaking to this whole farce too?” I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. I’d dreaded that possibility upon first seeing the table, but I’d foolishly held out hope that some other moron would be handling the talking. “The scoreboard’s there for a reason, why do I have to call out the numbers too?”
“Yo Mike, whatcha doing here man?” a familiar raspy voice called out to me, and I had to force myself not to flinch. Looking up, sure enough was my one time get away driver walking towards me, and hot on her heels was the blonde inbred who hated my guts.
Both girls were still wearing their gym uniforms, and if the sweat stains around their collars and pits were anything to go by, the two had been doing some warm ups before I showed up. That or they were like the feral hogs in the guy’s locker room who seldom washed their clothes and thought a can of deodorant was a shower. But judging from the lack of funk and flies, I’d put my money on the former.
“Hey Dash,” I lazily called out as the two got closer. “And I’m sure even you can see the obvious about what I’m doing.”
Ignoring my sarcasm, Rainbow gave my shoulder a ‘playful’ punch in greeting while Jackie just leveled a distrustful glare my way.
“Oh, it’s that obvious huh?” Rainbow struck an exaggerated thoughtful look before snapping her fingers with eyes wide in realization, “I know, you’re here to cheer me on huh?! I appreciate the loyalty bro!”
“First off, ow,” I began dryly while rubbing my shoulder before continuing, “Second off, if I wasn’t being forced to be here I’d be home right now not caring who wins this…thing!”
At my words Rainbow deflated slightly, which in turn caused AJ’s glare to grow more intense, but any witty retort I had for that look was cut off by Rainbow chuckling.
“Okay yeah, that makes more sense for you. Good to see that even after pulling one over those Dazzle Jerks you’re still as cranky as ever.”
“You know, most people would hope I wouldn’t still be ‘cranky’ as you put it after all that,” I responded with a raised brow.
“Eh, you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t a jerk. If you got too overconfident, I would have had to take ya down a peg or two after all,” Rainbow grinned with a noncommittal shrug.
That’s…I don’t know what to make of that, I thought to myself slightly dumbfounded before the rest of what she said occurred to me.
“Whatever you say, though I doubt anything you could do would do much to me.” I said with a glare. A glare with no effort behind it for some reason.
“Oh, is that a challenge I hear?” she asked with a smirk. “I should warn you, my technique in the art of pranking is second to none.”
“Lady, you haven’t seen anything yet,” I challenged back as a feeling of competition rose within me. “My pranks will make whatever you pull off look like amateur hour, and I guarantee you won’t see them coming till it’s too late.”
“I don’t know, my eyes are pretty perceptive,” she shot back leaning towards me authoritatively.
“If you know what you’re looking for noobie,” I grunted back, giving my own posture of defiance till the point where our foreheads were nearly butting.
Wait…the hell am I doing!? Why am I acting like some shonen protagonist facing off against his rival?
Just as I had that realization a familiar orange arm pushed me back as Jackie got between us looking unamused.
“All right all right, that’s enough outta the both of ya,” she grumbled out before fixing me with a glare, “Ah don’t know why yer getting so gung hoe about pranking of all things, but ah’d appreciate if ya didn’t try and drag Rainbow into whatever tomfoolery yer brand of ‘pranks’ could spice up.”
I wish I knew, I thought earnestly over my behavior. Maybe my victory high is making me overconfident or something? Also, who the hell still says ‘tomfoolery’ nowadays?
“Ah come on AJ, don’t be such a killjoy! Can’t me and my pal here enjoy a bit of pre-prankage banter before the pies fly?” As Rainbow said this she tried to sling her arm around my shoulders, but I thankfully managed to move out of the way before she could.
Ignoring the pseudo-pout she sent my way I rolled my eyes in annoyance before saying,
“First off, not your pal. Secondly, there's no such thing as ‘pre-prankage banter,’ if anything I was just shrugging off that pathetic attempt of intimidation you were trying to pull off.”
Much to my annoyance Rainbow chuckled, not taking my attempt to walk back my earlier posturing seriously.
“You sure are quick to deny being her friend fer someone who’d’ve been hung up ta dry without her help the other day,” Applejack interrupted, sounding offended.
And just like that, my mood soured even more as the earlier conversation with this judgey bitch resurfaced.
“We worked together Jackie, because we had a common enemy, nothing more, nothing less,” I growled back and her scowl deepened. “With how much this school hates Crystal Prep, literally anyone could have helped, but since Rainbow had the fastest car and loosest morals on road safety, we went with her. If anything, you should be thanking me that we made her the getaway driver, cause I’m pretty sure she’d have gotten charged with assault on that rich prick.”
The blonde clearly didn’t like my tone, but any biting comments from her were interrupted.
“Oh yeah, I totally would have, that rich jerk had it coming, and then some!” Rainbow said with no hint of reluctance, causing both me and Applejack to look at her in surprise, which confused her. “…What?”
“Dang it Rainbow,” AJ sighed tiredly.
“What!? It’s true! I know karate after all!” she defended her hypothetical violence.
…why does Sunset’s steel toed vengeance seem more like a mercy now than anything else? I thought apprehensively. I’d only said that to get under the blonde’s skin, but for Rainbow to so readily own it was disturbing. Clearly not liking this conversation just as much, Applejack turned to me.
“Alright look, ah don’t want to chat with ya any longer than ah have to. Now get your bag out from coach’s table and get up in the stands already, and don’t you dare be snide to Pinkie,” she ordered tersely.
Quickly glancing up into the stands, I caught a glimpse of poofy pink hair, before quickly turning back to avoid eye contact.
Of course she’d be here as well. Which means the other three are up there too, I mentally sighed.
“I would if I could Jackie, but sadly the tyrant of the gym gods has demanded my continued presence here.”
“…Huh?” she asked in slack jawed ignorance.
“Yeah, huh?” Rainbow added.
“I swear my wit is wasted on you people,” I grumbled before laying it out clearly. “Coach Spitfire is making me judge this stupid thing so this stupid table is my station, alright?”
At my explanation the two girls just continued to give me blank looks for a few moments before Jackie finally decided to speak up.
“Yer kidding, right?” The doubt and disbelief practically dived out of her mouth as she said that, while the corner of Rainbow’s mouth started to twitch upwards slightly.
“I wish I was cowgirl, truly I do.”
“Yer the judge?”
A snicker escaped Rainbow.
“Apparently,” I said, trying to convey just how much I hated being there.
“Coach Spitfire chose you, of all people, to judge an athletic contest?”
Rainbow began full on guffawing at that.
“Being completely disinterested in physical activity automatically makes me the most impartial. Her words, not mine.” I’m pretty sure a dead fish would’ve sound more enthusiastic than I did.
“...THAT’S COMPLETE HORSEAPPLES!” she bellowed, which echoed across the field and caused everyone else to take interest. Rainbow lost it at that point and rolled on the ground laughing, literally. I on the other hand was rubbing at my ear, not having expected the even-toned girl to suddenly shout like that.
Damn! I didn’t know farming gave you super screeching! What are you a banshee? I thought as my ear did that annoying ringing thing. As my hearing returned, I heard as the audience began to whisper and gossip now that I was once again the center of attention, and that irked me.
“I just cannot believe this!” Applejack continued to rant, her anger fueled by Rainbow’s laughing and I held up my hands in surrender.
“Look, I don’t like it either, I was forced into this you know?” I defended and she shook her head fiercely.
“I thought you were just being an ass and talking about Pinkie forcing you to come, not this!” she growled. “Why didn’t you say no?”
“Really? Say no to the scary lady who can and will torture me with inhumane exercises?” I countered and she paused at that.
“Okay, I’ll give ya that one, but why ain’t she here? She’s the one who helped us set up in the first place?!”
“She got a call from her air force boyfriend or something and was in a hurry. Probably a booty call for all I know, but the point is, she caught me trying to leave class early and forced this whole thing, so don’t get angry at me!” I retorted over Rainbow’s laughing, which was starting to grate on me.
The chatter from the crowd was a dull drone against the tomboy’s laughing, but I could only guess what they were thinking as they tried to figure out what the three of us were doing.
Great, just what I needed. Fuel to reignite the Bacon rumor mill, and my break only just started!
Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one who noticed the attention the three of us were drawing. AJ took a few calming breaths once she noticed the crowd and after a few seconds she fixed me with her usual glare.
“Alright, as much as I don’t trust a varmint like you ah do trust the coach’s judgment. Even if ah think she should have gotten someone better fer the job.”
“Varmint? Really? I know you have the whole cowgirl thing going on but don’t you think that’s kinda pushing the stereotype a bit?” I quipped back, ruffling her feathers.
Also way to contradict yourself in the same sentence. Really showcasing the best of your character there, I silently judged.
“Oh whatever. Point is, ah don’t trust ya as far as ah could throw ya. Which would likely be a lot given yer as skinny as a toothpick.”
“Oh right where it hurts, my weight!” I mock gasped, clutching my heart.
“Yuck it up all ya want, but ah’m serious. If it weren’t fer Coach Spitfire picking ya ah’d be looking for a replacement judge faster than a stampede going downhill in the mud.”
“There’s an image,” I quipped. “But you sound resolved, so I guess you don’t want to get on her bad side either?”
“Ah heck no, who would?” she said truthfully. “Going against her orders, even if ya don’t agree with them is not the key to a healthy school career. Ya do not want to end up like Jimmy.” That last line was said with an ounce of dread which worried me.
“I, uh, take it Jimmy was never heard from again?” I asked hesitantly as my curiosity got the better of me.
“What? No, are ya crazy or something? He’s the school janitor,” she clarified.
“Oh…cause the way you said that made me think th-“
“But they say that when he was a student, he’d had a promising basketball career, until he crossed coach, and all his scholarships dried up,” she interrupted, shuddering at the implications.
“…She has that kind of power?” I asked, only somewhat in disbelief.
“Ah wouldn’t want to risk finding out,” Applejack said definitively.
“…Good point,” I nodded, feeling disturbed. I didn’t have a sports future to worry about, but if the coach truly did have the connections to ruin a student’s life, an academic future would be well within her power.
The military wouldn’t give you that much power, she’s got to be connected to the mob or something, I theorized before coughing into my hand.
“But we’re in agreement, none of us want me here, but it’s all in our best interest to see this through so we can all go home safely.”
“Agreed. Just judge everything fairly and we should all be good,” she insinuated and I had to force myself to look offended.
“Yeah, yeah, like I would fudge this stupid thing,” I lied as I absolutely abandoned my plan to make Rainbow win.
The hick still looked at me suspiciously, adding credence to my theory about her being a living lie detector, but at that moment, Dash stopped rolling around like a fool and wrapped her arm around my shoulder before I could stop her.
“Hey!” I protested, but she held me in place.
“Come on Applejack, Mike here may be a jerk but he ain’t no cheat. He’s got this whole code of honor thing that stops him from doing anything cheating,” Rainbow said, coming to my ‘defense’ with a slightly cocky tone.
“Oh does he now?” Jackie questioned in clear disbelief.
“The Gamer’s Code of Honor only applies to video games and tabletop rpgs, not sports Skittle brain!” I argued as I tried to wriggle out of her grasp. “And for the last time, personal space! Let me go already yo-oof!”
My line of insults was cut short as Rainbow finally let me go, through sadly it ended with me eating a face full of dirt. Grumbling, and ignoring the giggles from the stand, I stood up, dusted myself off and glared at a smirking Rainbow.
“How many times do I need to explain to you Pinkie associates what a ‘personal bubble’ is?!” I growled out, which only made Rainbow chuckle much to my annoyance.
“Come on Mike, bubbles are meant to be popped,” she countered and I felt my blood start to boil.
“So are tires,” I threatened, which actually caught her off guard, but I turned to the hillbilly to cut off that conversation. “Look, we’ve wasted enough time as it is. Let’s just get this dog and pony show started so we can all go home? My code doesn’t apply to sports, but I’m not dumb enough to cross Spitfire, alright?”
“Alright fine, ah ain’t too stubborn enough to keep harping on this. Ah’ve got my eye on you though, so watch yerself pardner!”
With her piece said she turned around and made her way to what I could only guess was the starting event for the contest.
“ ‘Ah’ve got my eye on you,’” I muttered sarcastically, with a mock southern drawl when she was out of earshot. “Why don’t you get an eye on that giant stick up you’re a-OW!”
My back felt tingly where Rainbow had slapped it and I turned to scowl at her.
“Quit grumbling, this is gonna be fun Mike,” she encouraged.
“I highly doubt that. And don’t act all chummy thinking I’m gonna rig the system for you,” I threatened and she rolled her eyes playfully.
“Its all good man, I trust ya to keep things fair. Just wanted to wish you luck with the judging. Make sure to really emphasize how awesome I am in the play-by-play alright?! And maybe then I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that thing about my tires.”
With that she winked and then jogged after Applejack before I could get a word in edge wise. Not that I would have said anything though, because I was feeling speechless. The sincerity of her words had taken me aback, as if she really, truly did trust me to keep things fair. That trust left an uncomfortable yet familiar…warmth to flare up in my chest. But just as quickly as it came, it was replaced by the much more comfortable annoyance and apprehension.
Whatever, like I said earlier, there are too many witnesses to actually tweak things. Like I need your trust for that…
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I took my seat behind the table, which got a few conversations going in the stands behind me.
Yeah, yeah, chat it up, I don’t owe you lot any explanations, I though in annoyance, before something Rainbow said registered with me.
“Wait a second, she said play-by-play…They’re not expecting me to do sports commentary for the whole thing are they?!”
“YEAH!!!” a sudden shout answered me, nearly knocking me out of my chair in shock.
“The hell?!” I gasped as I looked to the walking steroid factory that had somehow snuck up behind me. I’d seen the blonde behemoth before in several classes, but never bothered to learn his name. Even if I’d been curious enough to ask, I’d felt he’d try to eat me or something.
Without saying another word, the brute shoved a stack of index cards into my chest, which nearly bowled me over.
“Oof!” I grunted, grasping the cards and rebalancing my chair. The walking mass of muscles then gave me a thumbs up, before turning around and walking back into the stands.
“…What was that about?” I asked, just as another guy from gym class walked up.
“Coach told Bulk to hand those off for her and make sure you had some sort of guidance since you don’t know jack about sports, and I’m here to make sure you actually read em,” said the obvious athlete in front of me with a hint of reluctance. He wasn’t built like Roid Rage, but he was pretty fit. His mohawk on the other hand, was kind of tacky in my opinion.
Drawing my eyes away from his hair do, I flipped through the cards, which had the names of the various events about to unfold, as well as bullet points for “Talking Points.”
So yes, as the Incredible Hulk had just answered, Yes. Yes they did expect me to do commentary.
“Oh GOD DAMN-”
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“SON OF A BITCH!”
My shout was followed by unwanted laughter from those in the stands as I ducked before the speeding football could take my head off.
She only kicked it! How the hell was it moving that fast?! I wondered as I tried to get my heart rate under control. Ignoring the giggles from the unsympathetic audience who didn’t care that I was almost a victim of sports homicide, I grasped the mic and pulled myself up from my squatting position and stared daggers at the redneck.
She in turn whistled innocently like a cartoon character, just to drive home that she’d done it on purpose.
Oh you slimy little hick! I growled mentally, having half a mind to deny her the point to spite her, even if she was able to kick the football farther than Rainbow. I guess my desires were clear as day in that regard, because the mohawk gym rat gave a fake little cough to get my attention. Turning to him, he rolled his hand at me to get on with it.
“I got it, I got it! Just give me a chance to breathe, God!” I complained, which was picked up by the microphone, causing the audience to laugh at my misery again.
Apparently Jackie’s little worries about me rigging the game were all for naught, since Spitfire had taken extra precautions. Mohawk wasn’t just there to make sure I read the cards, I could tell he was acting as referee for me, the referee!
On one hand, I was impressed that she’d thought that far ahead with how much of a hurry she’d been to get to her boyfriend, but on the other hand, it was kind of screwed up that she held that little faith in me. Of course, it was warranted, but still.
On the plus side, at least Mohawk didn’t seem to be enjoying being a warden any more than I enjoyed him looking over my shoulder.
Can’t really blame the guy, I know better than to ignore that scary lady’s orders, I reckoned. Heck, he probably pissed her off in gym today as well, and that’s why he’s here.
Having finally gotten back into my seat, and my adrenaline under control, I spoke into the microphone.
“With great reluctance I have to give Applejack the point for this round, boy howdy does that cowgirl know how to kick em good! Ugh…” I groaned in disgust at the phrase as the crowd cheered for my attempted murderer.
Not only did the notecards roid rage gave me have instructions for what each of the events were and how to introduce them/judge them, they also had a list of phrases to say when either Rainbow or the hick won a specific event. And as expected from this crazy school, the phrases were all disgustingly optimistic and corny, to the point they brought physical pain to me. Everyone else though, ate it up like it was a buffet.
Morons, the whole lot of you, I thought maliciously as I went to change the scores and give the bitch her blood point, but to my surprise, her points had already changed. Confused, I looked at Mohawk who just shrugged and pointed to the ground at the football that’d almost beaned me. Looking back at AJ, she had gloating smirk on her face as she basked in the cheers.
“…You know, I’d be more impressed at the cartoon logic if I wasn’t so pissed,” I said aloud, this time blocking the mic with my hand. Mohawk, thinking I was talking to him just grunted and shrugged. “Also, she’s part of the Pinkie Brigade, so it’s not as surprising as it should be.”
Speaking of the pink menace
“MIKEY!!! You’re blocking the microphone, we can’t hear you!!!”
Sighing I looked back up into the crowd at Pinkie who was jumping up and down like the usual spazz she was.
“Mikey! Your hands blocking!” she called out again. “Mikey! Mikey! Mi-“
“I Know!” I said into the microphone a little forcefully, but she smiled at that.
“Okay! Just making sure!” And with that said, she sat back down amongst the rest of her friends as everyone else shared another aggravating giggle.
When the competition started, and everyone around realized I was the announcer, Pinkie had tried to jump up on stage with me so that she could help and provide witty banter. I’d been saved unexpectedly by Flubber who’d used her freakishly hidden strength to pull the sugar junkie back and began explaining my situation. She had been my gym partner earlier before I’d tried to duck out and gotten in trouble, so I wasn’t too surprised that she knew I was here under duress. The second Pinkie realized I was under Spitfire’s thumb, she looked at me sympathetically before saluting and shouting,
“You’re gonna do a great job Mikey! I’ll cheer for you just as much as for Dashie and Applejack!”
“Please don’t,” I’d pleaded, but of course that had been in vain. Every once in awhile she would shout words of “encouragement” since I wasn’t enthusiastically reading the cards, and if I ever looked up and caught her eye, she’d wave excitedly.
The other girls at least had the decency to watch the actual match and not make my job more tumultuous. Well, at least Flubber and Rarity did, Twilight was multitasking watching and reading some manga I couldn’t identify from this distance.
Even now, I still felt envious that she was reading something she wanted while I was reading off some painfully cheesy crap by force.
With Pinkie now sitting down, and to avoid getting hurried along by Mr. 80’s haircut, I cleared my throat and lifted the next card.
“Alright folks, next up in the Iron Pony Competition,” my eye twitched every time I read the ridiculous name. “It's a fan favorite for all. Stretch those arms and hope you have good equilibrium, it's time for a push-up off.”
Pushing the microphone away I grumbled to myself as everyone cheered.
“Seriously? Push-up off? That doesn’t even roll of the tongue well. And what’s up with this school’s infatuation with horses? Was the founder a perpetual 9 year old girl?”
The two competitors made their way closer to my podium, and there was visible tension between them. Applejack was basking in her recent victory, while Rainbow grit her teeth and made an effort to stretch her arms intensely.
Ever since the third event, which was a literal hammer game from a carnival, the two had started trash talking each other, with jabs and ribbing and the like, but it had gotten more intense and serious after each subsequent event. This was no longer a ‘friendly competition’ as far as I could tell, because the two looked like they could snap at any moment and this would turn into a cat fight.
Applejack’s bragging and playing to the crowd was a mock of how Rainbow would showboat and play to her ego every time she won, and now the hick was throwing it back in her face. It was clearly effective, because Dash was practically snarling. It didn’t help that she’d had a tremendous lead in the beginning, but was now tied with the southerner and was probably running on fumes because her endurance wasn’t as good as someone who lived and breathed farm life.
And because she was falling behind, the tomboy was trying to make up for it with style, which had led to some funny failures. I’d actually chuckled when she’d somehow tied herself to a fence post, but with that came another point for my enemy, so it was tempered.
But yeah, with the way things were going, Rainbow was either gonna pass out soon from exhaustion, or from a right hook. Either way, that would be an end to this whole thing.
“Right,” I began, once again making sure my tone was as unenthusiastic as possible, “The rules of this one are pretty simple, but I still need to explain things because apparently the concept of a push-up is hard to grasp for you lot.”
A few folks, including Jackie took offense to that and I heard some boos behind me, but it gave me satisfaction. I was still reading the cards, so I was still following the rules, but no one said getting some jabs in was illegal. Smirking, I continued my commentary.
“Basically, both of you are going to start at the same time. First one to reach a hundred or last longer than the other wins. No trying to interfere with each other or that's an automatic loss for you. We clear?”
The blonde simply nodded at this, but Rainbow got an idiotic, cocky grin on her face before asking,
“Crystal clear, but I gotta know. Is there any rules against doing the whole thing with one arm?”
Yep, I knew she was going to say something stupid, I thought looking at her incredulously.
“Uh Rainbow, ya sure that’s a good i-”
“Of course it's a good idea!” Rainbow interrupted the redneck’s concern with a dismissive wave. “Gotta give my adoring public something to be amazed by after all, and what better way to do that then by beating you with one arm behind my back?”
“Look, ah git that yer confident Dash but ah just don’t think its ah good idea to strain yerself,” she responded, clearly annoyed by her friend’s cocky tone. “Ah don’t want to win cause ya got too cocky for yer own good.”
Apparently those were the wrong choice of words as Rainbow’s eyes blazed with fury.
“And what’s that supposed to mean!?” she challenged, and the hick met that rage with her own.
“Oh nothing, just that I’d rather win fair and square and not cause ya bit off more than ya could chew like usual!”
“I could beat you with both arms tied behind my back!” Rainbow argued.
“Right, and ah suppose ya can defy gravity now? Ya kinda need yer arms to do a push up Dash.”
“Wait! I-You know what I meant!” Rainbow sputtered in embarrassment. “You’re just afraid because you know I’m right!”
For two supposed best friends, I’m not seeing any ‘friendly’ energy between you right now, I thought tiredly as I looked up to the stands. Instead of being apprehensive or shocked, the crowd just seemed to be even more invested now that the two were practically butting heads. Even the Pinkie Brigade didn’t seem surprised by this behavior.
Hell, if that’s how they treat their friends, no wonder Pinkie thinks she can convert me! They probably think my assholishness is normal! I thought apprehensively.
Looking back to the squabble, their foreheads were nearly touching, and their teeth were on full display. If this were an anime, there’d probably be a lightning clash between them.
“I think they’ve wasted enough time, right?” I asked to my warden. When he didn’t respond, I looked to him and realized he was paying me no mind. In fact, his only focus was on the two girls near their breaking point…and he looked excited to the point that his face was flushed.
The hell? Do you want them to fight? I thought a bit creeped out. Deciding not to waste my time on whatever problems he had, I turned back to the screaming toddlers.
“Hey! HEY!” I shouted, which caused both of them to turn their ire to me.
“What!?” they shouted in unison.
"Unless the two of you want to change the event to 'who can best beat the shit out of who', I'd advise you shut up and actually get into position for the push-ups already!"
This caused both of them to look dumbfounded, especially since I’d directly said that into the microphone, letting everyone in on the conversation. There were a few gasps in the crowd, but more than enough laughs to make up for them.
"On second thought, just go ahead and brawl already. The least you can do is let me finally go home instead of wasting my time by bickering like idiots."
My insults seemed to finally snap the two out of it, with Jackie giving me her usual glare while Rainbow...looked embarrassed for some reason?
Huh, figured she was always gung-ho about fighting, I pondered as the hick lay into me.
"Now what kinda of malarky are you spewing? Ah ain't gonna throw down with ma best friend just cause you want to be a layabout faster!"
"Easy there Dolly Parton, I'm just doing my job here,” I said snidely, holding my hands up in mock defense. “Not my fault you two looked like rabid cage fighting dogs about to pounce."
To her credit, the blonde had the decency to look a bit embarrassed at that as she made more excuses.
"We weren't fighting Bacon, just...having a slight disagreement is all."
"Right, and I'm here willingly because I enjoy the rich school spirit seeping from the crowd,” I deadpanned, which she did not appreciate. Turning to other problem child I asked, "Now do you have anything to say that isn't some pathetic trash talk or can we get this over with?"
Giving one last glare to her ‘friend’, Rainbow turned towards me with eyes burning with determination and cockiness.
“I’m doing this one handed, got that Mike?”
Sighing, I asked redundantly,
“If I say no will you actually listen to me or just do it anyway?” In response, she only raised a brow as if it were obvious and I threw my hands up in defeat. "Fine, go ahead. Just don't blame me when you pass out from exhaustion."
“Oh come on! Not you too! This is child’s play for me Mike, just you wait and see!” she whined as she got onto her knees and placed only her right hand on the ground and placed her left arm behind her back. “Ready when you are AJ!”
Looking to the redneck she just sighed and looked at me in frustration.
“I hate when you and I agree on something,” she told me plainly as she too got down on the ground.
“Ditto. Now get ready for whatever way you do your pushups,” I said dismissively as I sat back down and picked up the microphone.
“In a shocking turn of events that will literally shock nobody, your precious soccer star is going to be doing all the push ups one handed, yay,” I said unenthusiastically, which still got everyone cheering. “And for the record, this is her idea, and not mine for when this ends badly and you all want to blame someone!”
“Ahem,” Mohawk urged, interrupting my trash talking and I just shook my head at him.
“I’m reading it, I’m reading it!” I placated as I picked up the next card and nearly threw up from the stupidity written on it.
“Oh you’ve got to be…*Sigh* Alright, ladies and gentle-colts,” I winced so hard my brain hurt, “Our contestants are ready to show us the power of the upper body. Who’s ready for some pushups?”
Despite my lackluster tone the herd exploded in cheers for both girls, the loudest of course being a certain pink bane of my life.
"THAT'S RIGHT MIKEY, YOU SHOW THAT MIC WHOSE BOSS! LET LOOSE THE HYPE LIKE YOU WERE BORN TO!" she yelled, earning more mocking laughter for my expense.
"Thank you Pinkie for that unneeded cheer,” I growled out in embarrassment over the loudspeaker, “But I think our competitors need your cheers more than me!"
"OF COURSE THEY DO! WOO-HOOO! GO DASHIE! GO AJ! SHOW GRAVITY WHO’S THE BOSS! YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!"
Everyone started cheering more at this, and I questioned why Spitfire didn’t just have the walking migraine be the announcer.
Just to torture me no doubt. Why didn't I let that football kill me? I thought, rubbing my temple, before finishing the card text.
"Now folks, make sure to count along so our contestants know just how close to victory they are." The volume from the raving crowd increased so much at that declaration that I wondered if the next town over would issue noise complaints. Not knowing if they would even hear me, I asked the two athletes, "You two ready to start?"
“Ah’m definitely ready to put this braggart in her place, if that’s what yer asking,” the cowpoke said confidently.
"I'm ready to show this cowgirl what a real athlete can do!" Rainbow retorted.
"Lovely, looks like they're ready. Now three two one go," I announced over the roar. Almost immediately the two began flexing their arms as the crowd counted their progress.
"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!-"
And as I tuned the crowd out to white noise in the background, I kept a close watch on the two girls to ensure that no foul play could occur. With Rainbow only having one arm on the ground, all the hick would have to do is quickly nudge her competition and it would all be over. Truthfully, I felt like Applejack would rather hug me and call me her best buddy before she would resort to cheating, but with both of their tempers flaring, I had to make sure. Not by choice mind you, but if I didn’t catch it then I would be a dead man come next gym class.
So yes, I kept my gaze mostly on the farmer, because even without her self chosen disadvantage, I just didn’t peg Rainbow as a cheater. She may have been a loud, obnoxious moron who was gullible enough to believe rumors from people she hated, but when it came to sports, something told me she held them sacred.
It wasn’t so much blind trust, nor was it logical reasoning, because I knew Rainbow wasn’t going to win anyway with only one arm. It was just my inability to truly be impartial. Maybe some of Pinkie’s pinkieness rubbed off on me over the weekend, or more likely it fueled my pettiness, because I still preferred the annoying getaway driver over Ms. Hillbitchy.
That was a pipe dream though, because Rainbow was bright red and her arm started shaking with effort, while the redneck was still going steady.
"SIXTY-SEVEN! SIXTY-EIGHT! SIXTY-NINE!"
“Nice…” my warden whispered behind me, causing me to roll my eyes.
“Really?” I groaned at the immaturity as I took my gaze from the two and glared at him. He didn’t notice, nor hear me though as his attention was…elsewhere. Technically he was still watching the two girls like everyone else in the stands, but his gaze was a little further down and to the back. I was so shocked and surprised by the flushed, stupid, slack jawed look on his face, that I was momentarily speechless. He was literally drooling, and he’d bent himself forward to hide his “excitement.”
“Dude!” I chastised the pervert, covering the microphone. That managed to break his leering and he turned to me, looking like a kid who got their hands caught in the cookie jar. “Are you for real?”
“Wh-what? No! I was just, tying my shoe!” he yelped as he crouched further, trying to mimic his lie. “Just tying my shoe, heh heh.” As his shoelaces were both clearly not untied, he haphazardly undid them, just to retie them before sitting cross legged.
“Uh-huh, and why are you sitting on the ground?” I monotoned, not buying his excuses.
“…It’s comfy?” he guessed, while his eyes twitched and he laughed nervously.
I wonder if Spitfire will be more lenient towards me if I rat him out for perving on her supposed star athletes? I wondered maliciously. The look on my face must have telegraphed my thoughts, because he started to sweat and look pitiful. Nah, better to use it to my advantage instead.
“Alright peeping tom, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll overlook this, but you get off my ass over the cards and report to Spitfire that I did a good job,” I negotiated.
“Yup! Sounds good,” he nodded too quickly.
“Good. And quit leering so obviously! Those girls can and will send you to the hospital,” I warned, and he had the decency to flinch in shame. With that, I turned back to my judging duties, and I knew I wouldn’t have to be their much longer.
Looks like that's another loss for Rainbow, should have stopped the showboating when you had the chance, I thought, feeling somewhat resentful that Jackie was gonna win. As anyone with a brain stem could have predicted, doing one armed push-ups after countless other exhausting exercises was not smart. She’d done well enough to keep pace with Jackie, but she was now at her limit and was one pushup behind. Her face was redder than a tomato, her teeth were bared, and her whole body shook from effort, and there was no chance of her catching up now.
“NINETY-FOUR! NINETY-FIVE! NINETY-SIX!” the crowd chanted as Applejack cruised down the metaphorical finish line.
At least this stupid thing is over now, I thought hopefully as I pulled up the card and started pre-emptively reading the hick’s victory text at the 98th pushup.
"And with that, the winner is the ever stalwart-"
"Ah! *thud*"
"...Rainbow?" I finished in utter confusion as I stared at the scene before me.
Right at push-up 99, Applejack had suddenly collapsed, and began rubbing at her eyes with both hands while coughing. At that exact moment, Dash had also wobbled like crazy and nearly fallen, with her arm shooting out to the side, but with some herculean effort, she’d been able to stick the landing, and successfully gained her 99th.
The crowd did not expect this upset, and cheered in both surprise and excitement as I confusedly called Rainbow the victor. And while the crowd was hooting and hollering, I tried to analyze what I’d seen, and what was happening then and now.
Applejack was cursing to herself and rubbing at her watery eyes, but they weren’t tears of sorrow, but tears of irritation. Specifically, from dirt as the tears left slight tracks of mud on her cheeks.
Wait, did Dash really just cheat? I wondered in bafflement, trying to figure out the logistics of her throwing dirt in the hick’s eyes from her position. That train of thought was squashed however when I looked at saw her face. She looked utterly gobsmacked looking at her friend lying on the ground, and at the crowd cheering her name. Or maybe not.
I’d seen enough people get caught doing something wrong to tell the difference between genuine shock and a façade, and I knew for a fact she wasn’t a better actor than Mohawk. She hadn’t expected this any more than the crowd or I had. Her shock and surprise was quickly masked though by elation as she put her knees down and shakily raised both hands in the air and cheered.
"Aw-yeah! Who’s awesome? I'm awesome! Take that Applejack! I told you I could beat you with only one hand!" Rainbow exclaimed cockily while pointing at her downed foe. Said hand did have dirt on it, but that wasn’t surprising as both of them had been competing in the dirt between the track and stands. My best guess was that when she’d lost her balance and wobbled about, she’d kicked up some dirt trying to regain her balance, and Jackie had just had the misfortune of leaning her face down into it.
Shrugging, I put the stupid card down while sending a smirk at Mowhawk, who’d “recovered” himself enough to stand, and went off script.
“Well folks, either through sheer fluke or an act of God, Rainbow Dash wins at push-ups,” I announced, flipping the point card, to which the crowd all whooped.
“Hell yeah!” Rainbow cheered and wobbled to her feet.
Deciding to move on, and finally finish this whole thing, I cleared my throat and began to announce the next event.
"Now wait just a gosh darn second!"
Or at least I would have if Jackie didn't storm over to me like a pissed off rodeo bull. Rainbow, and her screeching adoring public failed to notice the farm girl’s shout, so in a way, it was just her and me.
Well this should be fun, I thought dryly.
"And what seems to be the problem cowgirl?" I mocked, feigning ignorance. To my surprise though, she did not rise to my insult and just pointed at the showboating Dash menacingly.
"Mah problem is ya gave that win to that cheating cheat!"
"Wow a bit quick to point fingers at your friend there. I never took you for a sore loser."
"Oh please!" she huffed in annoyance, "Ah may be stubborn but ah ain't no sore loser. Ah was gonna win that and ya know it, but then Rainbow over there threw dirt in mah eyes and made me lose mah balance!
“Alright look, I can see why you think that,” I relented trying to ease her down. “But Rainbow didn’t do that on purpose.”
“You’ve gotta be kiddin me?!” she growled in disbelief.
“It’s true! I know you were in the zone with your push-ups, but she was struggling during that last stretch and wobbled like top, and that’s how the dirt got kicked up. It was an unfortunate accident, but nothing premeditated,” I stated confidently, and that only caused her jaw to clench tighter.
"And how am I supposed to know if yer telling the truth?" she countered, her voice laden with skepticism.
“Well if my imminent torture via Spitfire hanging over my head isn’t enough for you, then how about the friggen logistics it would take for Rainbow to do what you claimed she did?” I huffed. “She almost ate it back there, so you really think she would have risked that just to pull something that dirty?”
“High risk, high reward,” she countered stubbornly and I just threw my hands up.
“Fine, believe what you want, it doesn’t change the truth Jackie!” I grunted in frustration. “But I’m not playing favorites, because I have no favorites here! And you damn well know that’s the truth.”
She frowned at that declaration and squinted her eyes at me before accusing,
“I ain’t too sure on that one anymore.”
“What?!” I exclaimed before shaking my head. “Look, I ain’t drinking the kool aid, I’m not becoming Rainbow’s buddy!”
“Or so you claim,” she argued like the brick wall she was. “But whatever the case, I know you hate me more than you find my friend annoying…”
And with that she stomped away, heading to the next event with a chip on her shoulder and a stick up her ass.
…As if you’re being a good friend to her right now, I thought bitterly as she got further away. Being in the court of Pie, she and the rest treat friendship like it’s the friggen gospel, but a little bit of annoyance and you’re all at each other’s throats! Hypocrites! It’s always the same, no matter where you go! Behind closed doors your true colors shine and you backstab those who trusted you for no god damned reas-
"Geez, what did you do to piss off AJ this time Mike?" Rainbow questioned while looking at the cowgirl, pulling me out of my thoughts. I hadn’t even noticed her walking up.
Quit thinking about that stuff! It’s dead and buried!
“…Mike?” Rainbow asked, looking towards my silence.
"Who knows, maybe I looked at her funny and she didn't like it?" I lied through my teeth, pushing unpleasant memories down where they belonged.
"Hehehe yeah that sounds right,” she chuckled, thankfully oblivious to my thoughts. “Truth be told, I’d be upset too if I’d lost to her the same way. But them’s the breaks.”
“Yeah, well, some people just can’t handle ridiculously good luck,” I responded.
“What do you mean luck, that was all skill,” she boasted cockily and I rolled my eyes.
“Sure, yeah, let’s call it that.”
“I will. Now if you’ll excuse me, I've got a competition to win!"
With that hearty declaration Rainbow jogged towards her sulking “friend”, waving and showing off to the crowd as she did so. That cocksure attitude almost made me change my mind about not telling her about the hick’s accusations. Almost. I didn’t want to drag this crap out any longer with their arguing, so I decided to let it go. Also, I didn’t want to risk anymore introspection.
Three more events Bacon, just three more and you’re home free.
“You, uh, you didn’t say anything to them did you?” asked my chaperone nervously and I just gave him a reproachful look.
“No. Why? You want me to?” I baited.
“Oh heck no,” he said fearfully.
“Then shut up and keep your end of the bargain Mohawk,” I grunted as I pulled out the next card and skimmed through it.
“Um, my name is Thun-“
“I don’t care,” I cut him off before speaking back into the mic. “Alright, there’s only three things left, and it’s getting late so let’s wrap this up without incident!”
“YEAH!!!” the steroid abuser called from the crowd.
Without incident? Ha! One can only hope, I thought pessimistically as I saw the tension between Rainbow and Applejack boiling over.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"AH KNOW YOU WERE CHEATING!"
"FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T CHEAT!"
I hate it when I'm right.
Through some sort of twisted form of karma for being such a nag, Applejack ended up losing the last three events to Rainbow Dash, allowing the exhausted soccer player to win the entire competition. Which would have been just fine, if the hick didn’t insist on collusion and foul play.
“I was all just accidents and coincidences Applejack!”
“Four times ain’t coincidence, it’s conspiracy!”
Normally I would have had to agree with the hick, but having seen it with my own eyes, I knew the bad luck that befell her was just that, bad luck. I don’t know if she walked under a ladder and stepped on a black cat, because nothing went right for her.
“Mah shoes were tied before you knelt down on the ground!”
“I was stretching!!!”
During the long jump, one of her shoes had somehow come undone, which caused her to faceplant into the sand. Already fuming after the push-ups, she’d gotten worse after Dash started laughing. That anger had seemingly worked against her during the next event.
“Ah own chickens! I know how to handle them! But mine run off while you gather yerrs so easily?!”
“Fluttershy said you were scaring them!”
I guess some sort of agriculture club or something had class chickens on site, because they loosed them onto the field and had the girls chase them for the Chicken Capture. Dash, being faster was able to scoop up her poultry, but the redneck’s chickens must have feared her rage more, because they evaded capture as if their lives depended on it. In the end, her birds had escaped the field, and a few hippie looking folks, including Flubber went to track them down.
“Ya could barely even hold the rope after the push-ups! Who’d ya have throw that ball at me?!”
“Nobody!!! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!”
During the tug of war match, which was something everyone banked Jackie on winning, a rogue tennis ball from one of the nearby courts smacked her in the ear, causing her to stumble and for the severely weaker Rainbow to tug her across the line.
With these three misfortunes right after the push-ups, and my declaring Rainbow Dash the winner of everything, she’d glared me down as if I’d had something to do with it. Her suspicions she’d accused to me before had cemented themselves as fact, and she was on a warpath.
Thankfully for small mercies the cowgirl had the decency to wait till after the crowd left to confront Rainbow instead of causing a big fuss in front of them. Unfortunately, I wasn’t among those cleared out and instead had front row seats to the shouting match.
"Are you sure you didn't do anything to set her off Darling? Heaven knows you can be a bit of a button pusher for dear Applejack."
"For the last time Rarity, I didn't do anything! Jackie is just being a sore loser and Rainbow a sore winner, it’s as plain and simple as that!" I grunted out as I continued in my efforts to slip my arm from Pinkie’s death grip.
“Hehehe, that tickles Mikey, stop it,” the pink menace giggled as my efforts were in vain.
And I thought Flubber beating me out in gym was a blow to my self-esteem. Why is everyone so freakishly strong here!?
While Rainbow and Applejack argued, the rest of the Pinkie Brigade stood awkwardly to the side watching, somewhat anxiously, but not surprised. From some remarks grumbled by Twilight, I got the impression that this wasn’t the first time these two butted heads.
As for how I got roped into that sideline, I’d gone to retrieve the prop trophy that Rainbow had won so I could return it to Spitfire’s office. The pictures she took with it would be posted on the school site, but the stupid thing was still my responsibility. When the shouting started, Pinkie had latched onto my arm and not let go.
“Quit crying just because I’m a better athlete than you!” Rainbow shouted, holding the trophy aloft.
“Ah ain’t crying! And you ain’t better if you got it dishonestly!” Applejack roared back, their argument becoming even more intense.
"I had a feeling this competition was a bad idea. Oh, why didn't I try and stop them!" Twilight muttered loudly, her neurotic nature taking center stage as she started to pace back and forth in worry.
"Oh darling relax, we both know those two would have done this regardless of what anyone said," Rarity said with a comforting tone, placing a hand on Twilight's shoulder as she continued, "Besides, those two will tire each other out sooner or later and it'll be the same as usual in no time."
Yeah, because that totally sounds like something that happens in a healthy friendship! I thought dourly.
"Yeah Twilight, just relaxxxxxxx," Pinkie rolled out with a chill tone, for some reason using me as a wall as she leaned on me in an exaggerated fashion, "AJ and Dashie are just getting into the competitive spirit is all! They'll calm down in no time, you'll see!"
While Pinkie’s words managed to somehow calm down the nerdy girl, I couldn’t help but eye her skeptically. Because while she put on airs about relaxing, every time her two friends shouted, I could feel her grip on me tense. She was probably just as anxious as Twilight over the whole thing, if not more so, and the last thing I wanted was to be her support pillar.
"Pinkie," I said tersely.
"Yes Mikey?" she asked, actually managing to sound innocent as she looked at me.
"Get off me. Now."
At my angry tone Pinkie giggled sheepishly and quickly stopped leaning on me. Her arm still stayed interlocked with mine however, though the grip was noticeably lessened.
"Oops, sorry Mikey!" she said, keeping up her carefree façade.
"If you were really sorry, you'd let go!" I grumbled out, though I stopped trying to pull my arm from her. With how anxious she was, and with how tense the arguing was making the atmosphere, the last thing I needed was her crying and somehow having this all come down on my head again. Along with that unneeded headache…I guess I just didn’t want to see her get to that state again. Having heard her over the phone had been bad enough after the party disaster…
And really the only reason she was latching onto me was because Twilight wasn’t someone to lean on, and Rarity was too busy having Flubber haphazardly hiding behind her.
“Oh, this is starting to sound really bad though…” she said nervously, peeking around the fashionista. “It’s like when Sunset…”
“It’s nothing like The Incident darling!” Rarity said rather too quickly.
There’s that Incident talk again, I thought curiously as I felt Pinkie’s hold spasm slightly. Looking over I saw as Rarity took the meek girl’s hand and gave it a squeeze, and tried to put on a brave face.
“Rainbow and Applejack won’t get to that point, not over something as silly as this,” she tried to placate…but I noticed that her own eyes looked rather apprehensive. Flubber however, didn’t see what I saw.
“Y-You’re right. No matter how tense this is, it’ll all work out in the end,” she said to herself with a small smile.
“Until they start choking one another Flubber,” I said, being the realist of the group, which earned me a glare from Twilight and Rarity. “Are you lot sure this is the best method? Not group hugging and singing kumbaya like you normally do?”
“We have never once sang that,” Rarity huffed.
“We have done group hugs before, but now’s not the time for that Mikey,” Pinkie lectured.
“And they won’t get physical with one another, their track record wouldn’t support that,” Twilight admonished.
“There’s a first time for everything, especially if someone’s whining and calling you a cheater,” I countered. Surprisingly, it was Flubber who argued against that.
“D-don’t worry Mr. Bacon, there have been arguments like this before. They won’t hurt each other physically. Even now their yelling is lessening,” she pointed out. Sure enough, the screaming had dwindled to more room level bickering.
Maybe not physically, but emotional damage is still on the table.
"A-also I’ve told you before, my name isn’t Flub-“
"ARE YA OUT OF YER MIND?!"
Whatever my gym partner was about to say was cut off as the hillbilly decided to pump up the volume once more, and Pinkie clung to me more.
“And there they go again,” Twilight sighed while Rarity facepalmed. Flubber on the other hand looked more upset over being proven wrong and interrupted as she puffed out her cheeks and frowned.
Huh, guess even she has a breaking point, I observed as she pouted in a rather adorable way.
“Don’t worry girls, I’m sure that was just one last little hiccup,” Pinkie announced, trying to get everyone’s spirits back up. And even as she said that, both of the arguing jocks started to talk in hushed tones. Whatever they were discussing was obviously getting on Jackie's nerves going by her expression, while Rainbow on the other hand only looked extremely smug and confident about what they were talking about.
"Anyone else more concerned with this then the arguing?" I couldn't help but ask, and was surprised to get nods of agreement from the others.
Eventually the hushed conversation ceased between the two as they spit into their hands and shook, much to mine and Rarity's disgust. Her disgust was much more vocal than mine of course.
"Oh that is simply dreadful! All those germs and the saliva and, ewwwww!" she whined, squinting her eyes shut and gagging.
“Yeah, just…why?” I agreed.
Despite our grossed out feelings, once the two were done shaking hands, they stalked off in separate directions, faces steepened in anger and determination.
“Aw, glad that’s all over with,” Pinkie sighed, finally letting my arm go.
“I don’t think so Pinkie, whatever they agreed to, they’re still clearly frustrated,” Twilight observed.
“Mmhmm,” Flubber agreed with a slight nod.
“Well as long as it’s done now, I can finally go home and-Oh wait!” I suddenly realized and jogged towards the soccer star. “Rainbow! I need the trophy back for Spitfire!”
She paused at that and half turned to me.
“Oh right, here ya go,” she said plainly and underhand tossed the trophy towards me.
“Agh!” I shouted in alarm as I dove forward to ensure the trophy did not fall and break. Thankfully I caught the hunk of junk.
“Nice catch Mike, and good job on judging today,” she congratulated giving me a thumbs up. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”
And with that she continued her exit.
“Don’t just toss things around that will get me tortured Rainbow!” I called out after her, but she didn’t respond further.
“What are you going on about torture for?” Rarity inquired as the rest caught up with me.
“Coach Spitfire,” I said plainly.
“Oh,” she said in understanding.
“But that shouldn’t be an issue now, I did her stupid duties, Mohawk is for sure giving me a passing recommendation, and her trophy is…” I trailed off as something wet on the hunk of metal smeared my palm. Pulling back, a strand of saliva connected my hand and the trophy.
“Oh my-urp!” Rarity covered her mouth and gagged as everyone else cringed at the sight.
“…” I said nothing as disgust and rage filled my body.
“Mikey?” Pinkie ventured. I didn’t respond for a good few seconds before I looked up and said.
“I’m done with today. I am going to wash this and my hands thoroughly, and then I’m going home. No one contact me, okay?”
None of them said anything for a moment, before Twilight said,
“That’s fair.”
Nodding in agreement, I trudged off from the Pinkie Brigade and towards the locker room, cursing Spitfire in my mind, and wondering if either girl had any pathogens I had to worry about.
THREE DAYS LATER, AFTER SCHOOL
I’d just gotten home and booted up Bloodborne to game the rest of my Thursday away, when my phone went off in my hand. I’d just been about to put it on silent so that no one, mainly Pinkie, could bug me, but the universe runs on comedic timing I suppose.
Fortunately the text wasn’t from Pinkie or any of her crowd, but from someone far less annoying. Derpy. Raising an eyebrow, I opened the message curiously, as she hardly sent me texts without good reason. Unfortunately, today was not a reasonable day.
Hi Michael,
I heard Lilly and Rose talking on the bus that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are fighting over you. I told them it wasn’t true. Don’t know if they believed me.
Thought you should know.
Groaning, I sent back a quick thanks to the cross eyed girl and slumped into my chair, the onset of a headache forming.
“If it’s not one thing, it’s another braindead take,” I sighed as I reflected on the last three days.
After the Iron Pony Competition, people had obviously noted the bad blood between Applejack and Rainbow Dash, which hadn’t simply disappeared, much to the Pinkie Brigade’s discomfort. Even if they hadn’t seen the argument, the herd knew something happened because both of them avoided one another like the plague. When others tried to inquire, they’d only answer in dismissive grunts. That was especially true between me and Jackie during Chemistry class. Whatever grudge she held against me was obviously more important than getting a passing grade.
Seriously, it’s damn near impossible to do a lab assignment when your partner refuses to use more than two syllables at a time! Needless to say, I barely got those assignments done in time thanks to her unhelpfulness.
But anyway, with their attitudes on everyone’s minds, the rumor mill started doing their rounds, and there were some that felt like I had something to do with it, because of course they did! And as rumors went and devolved, my involvement in this little spat ranged from me tricking them into hating one another, to me being the center of a love triangle. If I’d had my choice, I’d rather the former be in circulation than the latter.
“I swear, if one more nerd asks me which one I’m taking to the Fall Formal, I’m going to snap!” I growled and rubbed my eyes. “Seriously, how many braincells do you have to lose to think either of them would want to date me or vice versa? The redneck and I hate each other, and even if I didn’t find her annoying, I’m fairly certain Rainbow bats for the other team!”
I had no doubt that the one fanning these flames was Adagio. In a crisis of public popularity, she would definitely hype up any distractions that would make people forget the Dazzling’s role in my frame up. And stupidly, the Dazzling’s simps were already doing just that.
As I’d predicted, there were those that ate up their damage control. Some now believed that Adagio and the rest were just as much victims of Crystal Prep as Sunset and I. I’d heard some claiming that they too were blackmailed into compliance. Not everyone bought it of course, but enough did to send my blood boiling.
It will never not amaze or dumbfound me that, despite most of the school knowing the Dazzling’s true nature, they are still so spineless as to support them regardless of the facts involved. Common sense would tell you that they'd take anyone but their side when it comes to a conflict, but common sense is not exactly this school's strong suit. So with enough of them placated, they decided to move onto the next, most juicy gossip to spread.
“Hell, it was much more believable a lie that Sunset and I were together compared to this bullcrap,” I thought with a sigh.
Speaking of Sunset, she and I hadn’t spoken to each other since the meeting with Luna. We’d seen each other of course during our shared classes, but we both avoided actual conversation, almost as bad as Rainbow and Applejack. I guess we both felt that time would lessen whatever awkwardness was between us, and hopefully we could just never interact again. But she herself was making that easier said than done.
Despite me having dismissed her promises from our forced partnership, the last few days showed she was a woman of her word. According to Hindsight and Derpy, Sunset had been keeping her eyes on both of them, and any teasing done against them had started to dwindle. But it hadn’t just been them she’d been watchdog for. Several times I’d caught her out of the corner of my eye, keeping watch over me in the hallways. I hadn’t had any direct retaliation from Adagio yet, but whether it was too soon, or Sunset’s presence, I couldn’t tell.
Then again, nothing really makes sense with that girl does it? I thought as my gaze wandered to her house through my patio window. The blinds on her bedroom door were still drawn tight as they’d been since that night. And because I thought that I started thinking about said night, so I slapped my cheeks and turned away. Stop, Stop! Just forget that already! Jeeze!
But yeah, ignoring the weirdness that was Sunset and the rumors spawning from Rainbow and Jackie's quarrel, the last three days had been relatively peaceful. Having Mohawk under my thumb really did pay off as Spitfire did not make me run with ankle weights, in fact she commended me for doing a good job. No other reward, but lack of torture was fine by me. And I was sure that whatever emergency the Air Force had was solved by her and her boyfriend. I certainly wasn’t going to pry for details. Still, even if I wasn’t on her bad side anymore, I dreaded tomorrow afternoon.
Friday was going to be a half day for not only Canterlot High, but all the other schools in our district. The reason being a traditional city marathon they called The Running of the Leaves, and we students were being forced to run in it. Well, I say forced, but in reality Spitfire highly encouraged everyone to attend, so it was practically coercion.
The one silver lining, aside from the half day, was that this run had no time limit, and walking didn’t seem to be off the table since even old folks could participate. If no one was going to enforce it, I was just going to take my time.
“Maybe I should stick with Hindsight and Derpy, they don’t seem the athletic type, and walking with them would be preferable over the others,” I reckoned, as I made a mental note to ask the two of them tomorrow. “But that’s tomorrow me’s problem. Now is the time to finally kill the Orphan!”
I always ended up rage quitting on that cheap ass boss on subsequent playthroughs, but tonight would be different!
*Knock knock knock knock*
*Ding ding ding ding*
Or it would have been if someone hadn’t started attacking my front door.
“Oh for the love of God,” I groaned before shouting. “Pinkie if that’s you go away! I’m saving my energy for the leaf run thing tomorrow!"
*Knock knock knock knock*
*Ding ding ding ding*
"UGH! Enough!" I shouted as I got up and threw open the door. “Quit making so much-Rainbow?”
I was momentarily surprised as I saw my pissed off former getaway driver instead of Little Ms. Sugar Rush.
“Took you long enough!” she grunted impatiently and pushed past me.
“Hey! What are you-“ I protested as she stomped off towards my kitchen. “I didn’t say you could come in here you-*SLAM* BITCH! Owwww."
My pain came as a result of my own front door slamming into the side of my head as I’d started to close it and yell at Rainbow.
“Oh My Gosh! I’m sorry Michael! Are you okay?!” Twilight’s voice asked in concern as I held my cheek, which was sure to bruise.
“Do I look alright?!” I snapped as I now beheld her and Flubber standing in my entranceway uninvited. At least they had the decency to look guilty.
“I’m sorry, we were chasing after Rainbow and…” she trailed off as she saw Rainbow in the kitchen. “Rainbow Dash! You can’t just barge into people’s houses, look what happened!”
“She’s not the one who hit me Twilight!” I yelped and slammed the door angrily, causing her and Flubber to flinch. “And since we’ve had this song and dance before, what the hell do you all want? Because I know you won’t leave till you have some “oh so serious” discussion!”
They both looked down in shame at that, and I knew whatever they had to say was going to be nonsensical and stupid. I was right of course, and it ended up making my weekend tedious.
“Well out with it! And stay out of my fridge Dash! You fricken free-loader!”
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Happy to see that this story isn't dead. Also I can't wait for Bacon to constantly insults everyone and to be honest, I imagine a Catfight between AJ and RD during that competition. Also kind of expected that someone would be peeking some cleavage or booty.
LESGGOOO
I honestly love this story because the guy is kind of an asshole and a loner and is trying to stay that way to be honest I really like it that everything is going this way it's a really slow burn but it's perfect for my mood sometimes
Praise the Emperor for this miracle, i will re-read your story again from the start to jog my memory, btw you are one of the great author in my book
Another resurrection! 😍
Why do I think the race will end in the same way with both girls finishing after our lovely protagonist. Now how will his life keep going until the gala.
If all goes well, Michael will never know Fluttershy's real name until after graduation. And even then he'll think it's a typo in his yearbook
Glad this fic is still alive, looking foward to future chapters.
Entendible, relectura en curso...
Really like this fic. Great job
wonder if this story needs more faces in it. if so i do have an oc.
I wonder if wallflower would appear ps could you do any sonic references or persona or final fantasy or xenoblade or fire emblem or skullgirls
Honestly wonder when you would or may actually try to represent that Applejack ain't gonna beat Michael's ass at every opportunity. Honestly speaking though, would be amusing to see her end up just getting along with him during the Gala or maybe a humanized episode of Discord escape. I mean no magic still but considering that Michael is taking Twilight's, not SciTwi's role by being the transfer, him begrudgingly uniting the group is fitting.
As for Sunset... Let's just imagine him harmonizing all broken bonds like the mane six comes with unknowningly attracting the other bacon in the neighborhood. Gosh that sounds terrible.
Roar!
Entendido, relectura finalizada.