Life at Canterlot High

by Down with Chrysalis

Episode 4: Take a Hint Rainbow!

Somehow, someway we managed to clear out most of my packages and put them into the rooms they belong in, and I'm seriously at a loss for words on just exactly how that's possible. I mean, by myself this would have taken a long time sure, even without taking my laziness into account, yet somehow three home invading girls managed to clear out weeks of work in only a few hours.

"Welp that's done, thank God,” I sighed, swabbing my brow. “Now I just actually have to unpack everything which should only take...a few more hours," my shoulders dropped in disappointment at that. "Ugh my precious game time, where have you gone?"

*SNORT*

"Yeah yeah laugh it up, but your laughter just means you don't understand how important keeping a gaming schedule is!" I chided with a roll of my eyes.

"Sure dude, whatever you say,” Rainbow hand waved. “Keep talking about making schedules and all that and I might just start calling you Twilight 2.0."

"Hey!" I and the closet manga fan exclaimed, which only served to make Rainbow clutch her stomach as she fell into a pit of laughter. My glare only seemed to worsen at the laughter, so I let it go with a sigh.

"Whatever. Now I am not a man without a sense of hospitality-"

"Really?"

Just ignore her Bacon, remember a troll's greatest weakness, ignore them and they'll slowly wither away.

"So I will thank you all for helping me move my stuff. I'll admit it would have taken a lot longer if you all didn't force your way in to help, so tha-urk!"

"Awwwww I knew you were a good guy! Anyone with a food for a last name has to be nice!"

"Pin...kie...can't...breath!" I struggled to breathe as Pinkie’s surprise hug knocked all the wind out of me.

"Ehehehe, sorry about that,” she chuckled and let go at the sight of my blue face.

Oh sweat glorious air! Never leave me again!

"Never...again..." I gasped, which caused Pinkie to scratch the back of her head nervously.

Rolling my eyes for what feels like the fifth time I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Well I've said my thanks and all that soooo....get out." To emphasize my demand I made a gesture for them to vacate. However, apparently no one told them that when the host tells you to leave you should listen to them.

"I don't know...shouldn't we stay and help you actually unpack everything? I mean all we really did was help you move the boxes..." Twilight trailed off, looking at all the neatly stacked boxes.

"Look I appreciate the help and all but it's getting late and I have some gaming to do,” I replied bluntly. “Besides you guys kind of broke in here without my permission and all so…” I gestured towards the open doorway again.

"Geeze dude, do you have to be so pushy?” Rainbow huffed. “I mean we did just help you."

"Yes and I am forever grateful for it. But seriously it’s already nightfall and I have about," I checked my watch, "three hours before I have to clock out. So please leave?"

At this point I was at the end of my rope. My patience, thin as it may be, was about to snap, and if it did, I was fully prepared to act like Brock Samson (with less muscles of course) and forcefully remove them from my home.

...

What? Guy's gotta have contingency plans if he wants to live a nice, annoyance free life after all. Ironically though, my plea did solve the problem as it got through to the source of all my problems.

"Okie Dokie Lokie! Come on girls!"

"Wha-"

"Pinkie!"

*Woosh**Slam*

Wha-What just happened! I looked around in confusion at my now empty living room. One minute Pinkie's standing off to the side, and the next she and her friends are gone! And...and is that a freaking pink dust cloud of her after image!?

I could only stare at the slowly disappearing dust cloud for so long before giving out the biggest sigh I honestly think I've ever had as all my mental fortitude went out the window.

"You know what? No, just...no. I can't believe I'm actually about to say this but, screw video games I'm going to bed!"

With that said I went to my room and plopped down onto my bed with only one last thought before falling asleep.

Why do I get the feeling Pinkie's sudden exit isn't a good thing?

---

THE NEXT DAY, AT SCHOOL

I knew this day wasn't going to be a good one when Pinkie didn't bug me at all on the bus. I knew it was going to be a bad day when some of the students were still giving me the stink eye and others were whispering with each other when I walked by them. But I think finding my locker door slightly ajar was the final nail in the coffin for me.

Yep, it’s gonna be another one of those days huh? Condiment Head sure works fast.

And to appease any optimists, on the bright side, my bus dropped me off with fifteen minutes to spare before homeroom, so small victories I guess.

Anyway, the reason I suspected Sunset right off the bat, was because it fit her bully type. I had pegged her as the hands on type, you know, the ones who get tough and aren’t afraid to physically do their dirty work. The Dazzling’s were more in the rumor mill category, so it didn’t fit their type, although the stares from the other students proved they weren’t inactive.

So Sunset’s done something obscene with my locker, and the Power Trio have already started buzzing about me. Real original, I sighed in frustration. I would of course ignore the rumors, because it would all be false info. I seriously doubted they knew anything about that event, or had the resources to even find out about it, so I focused on the immediate threat.

Cupping my chin in thought I studied the slightly ajar locker as my fellow students all either gave me weird looks or walked past me.

Let's see, nothing appears to be leaking, and the door’s open so that rules out a mud or compost fall trap. Don't hear any ticking so that rules out a time bomb or a cupcake batter explosion (long story). Hmm…Maybe there’s some sort of trip wire or something with an air horn attached to it? Nah, unless she’s around recording that wouldn’t w-GAH!

A sudden slap to my back sent me sprawling forward, and I only just managed to avoid my rigged locker.

"Hey dude! Looks like we're locker neighbors huh?" came a familiar voice.

Oh come on! What sick joke is this Universe? I groaned as the cruel irony presented itself to me.

"Uh, earth to Michael? I know sharing a locker space with me must be pretty awesome, but I don't think it should leave you speechless." Sighing, I gave into the inevitable and faced the prismatic home invader.

"Yep Rainbow, your awesomeness was so awesome it left me speechless,” I responded sarcastically. “Truly you are far too awesome to be my neighbor, so maybe it would be for the best if I got another one…like right now, at this very moment.”

"Nah dude, I'm sure after a while you'll be used to it, though it will take some time,” she said as all my sarcasm went over her Skittle colored head.

Pinching my nose ridge in agitation, I responded,

"Yeah, you’re right. So why don’t you help me speed that process along and not talk to me while I try to figure this out?” And with that, I turned back to face my booby trapped locker.

What can I say, sometimes you gotta be blunt to get people to leave you alone. Acting like a jerk usually helps get the point across. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash is the kind of person who can’t take a freaking hint.

"So what are you trying to figure out anyway? You've been staring at your locker like it’s gonna explode or something.”

Sighing to myself at the athlete’s obliviousness, I gestured to said locker.

"If you must know Rainbow, I'm pretty sure Condiment Head booby-trapped my locker somehow. I've been trying to figure out how so I can disarm it...or call in a bomb squad. One of the two really, I don't really know her MO yet so for all I know the mother of all stink bombs is in there."

"Condiment Head?"

Of all the things I just said, it’s the nickname you question!? I groaned.

After I explained Sunset’s new moniker, Rainbow gave my locker a confused glance, before she looked back at me and started to laugh like I’d just told her the funniest joke in the world.

"You really enjoy laughing at my expense don't you Rainbow?" I deadpanned, not finding the idea of releasing an atom bomb sized cloud of fart gas directly into my face at all funny.

"I-I'm sorry dude but the way you said that with such a straight face its just-pfff-priceless!" she hiccupped and wiped away a few fake tears.

Rolling my eyes at Rainbow's antics I turn back to my locker and mumble out,

"Yeah yeah yeah,” I rolled my eyes again before turning back to the threat. “Now can you please buzz off and let me figure this out? You’re messing up my train of thought, and I need to figure out my plan of action so that I don’t end up covered in something smelling like a Walking Dead extra during an outdoor shoot."

"Here man, if you’re so bugged out about it I'll open it for you,” she responded and immediately reached out a hand and grabbed the door.

“NO! You freaking idiot don’t!” I cried out as I raised my hands to defend myself from whatever hell she was about to release. I heard the metallic hinges groan and I braced myself, but nothing struck me and there was no sound of explosions.

*Sniff sniff* I tentatively used my last defensive sense, but there was nothing pungent either.

Well I don't smell like a corpse yet, and it’s still quiet so…

Slowly lowering my arms and opening my eyes I saw Rainbow standing in front of me holding out a pink envelope with my empty locker behind her.

"Looks like you were panicking over nothing man. It’s just an envelope," she said with a smirk.

Cautiously taking the envelope from her I gave it a once over. It seemed like an everyday pink envelope but…

"Trust me Rainbow, an envelope can be just as dangerous. Haven’t you ever seen NCIS?"

Ignoring the look of confusion at my reference I held the envelope at arm’s length and slowly opened it.

I really hope I don't pull a Dinozzo, I don't want to take my chances with a 15% survival rate thank you very much!

Thankfully no deadly virus or anthrax fell out of the envelope, but instead confetti, streamers, and I think even some cake bits popped out of it. Harmless really, but because I was already being defensive, I reacted accordingly and spastically threw the envelope away from me.

While I panted in surprise, Rainbow began cackling like mad again.

“You were right Mike, *snort* It’s super deadly confetti, oh the horror,” she mocked. With my ears burning red with embarrassment, I picked the stupid piece of paper back up and read it.

Yeah yeah, laugh it up…Let's see, ‘You are hereby invited to Pinkie's 'New Student Appreciation Day' party to be held on blah blah blah...

Raising my eyebrow I shot Rainbow a look before asking,

"Please tell me this isn't Pinkie's attempt to get the school to like me?"

Rainbow, for once, just offered me a shrug before saying,

"Say what you want about Pinkie, but she always goes above and beyond to try and have everyone get along. Especially her friends."

"Okay I can believe that, really I can, but I'm not her frie-"

Before I can even finish my sentence Rainbow once again invaded my personal space and slugged me on the shoulder. Hard.

“OW! What was that for?” I bellowed.

“That’s for calling me an idiot earlier,” she said with a slight scowl. “Now we’re even.”

“How is that even? I didn’t even hit you, and you were jumping the gun on a possibly dangerous situ-“

“Yeah whatever Mikey, now that that’s out of the way come on,” she declared as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me.

“Hey! Let me go!”

“You were staring at your locker for like 10 minutes, do you wanna be late?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then hurry up!” she ordered. “You and I both have Ms. Harshwhinny right now and she’s a stickler for the rules.”

I struggled against her grip, but considering she actually works out and I don't the attempt is futile. That doesn't mean I'm letting her take me quietly!

"Hey stop dragging me will ya?! I got two perfectly good legs!” I grumbled and struggled, but it was no use. She was built like an athlete, and I had a gamer bod. That didn’t mean I would go quietly though.

“Dang it Rainbow let me go already! And how did you know my class schedule?! Rainbow?! Stop ignoring me! RAINBOW!"

It went as well as you expected.

---

*Brinnnnnnnnngggggggg*

I don't think I've ever met a person whose name can so accurately describe them. Ms. Harshwhinny has got to be the harshest, and I mean harshest teacher I've ever had! The lady has absolutely no chill at all.

We were late by one minute, partially my fault because I may have tried to go boneless in an attempt to make Rainbow let go of me, but those were desperate times. Suffice to say, Rainbow wasn’t happy, and the lady had us both do a three page essay about proper time management skills that was due at the end of the week!

And to make matters worse, she chewed us both out in front of the whole class, apparently believing that the ‘silent punishment’ angle was too merciful.

I don't usually get embarrassed unless its people I care about witnessing something like that, but there's something about a teacher doing it that just make me want to crawl into a corner and die.

But thankfully class went by fast after that, and I managed to ditch Dash in the crowded hallway.

I wouldn’t have been late if you’d just let me walk Rainbow, I grumbled as I walked to my next class. Thankfully her antics hadn’t caused me to lose my backpack, so I still had my schedule.

"Let's see…History with Doctor Professor Whooves? What does this guy have two doctorates or something. Oh well...ONWARD!"

I may have had a rough start, but my next class wouldn’t have Rainbow Dash, so I thought the future would be brighter. Sadly…

Why can't I ever catch a break? It’s only my second day and I have to deal with this?!

What is this dreadful thing I'm talking about you ask. Well, guess what I walked into when I got to my class?

Two beings of pure evil fighting over who can control the world? Nope. The principal and vice principal fighting a being of chaos bent on world domination? Nope. The classroom being condemned and therefore being canceled? I wish, but sadly no.

No, what I saw was far worse. I saw...Condiment Head in one corner of the room, and Twilight in the other, and when I entered both of their eyes snapped towards. Now Twilight I could handle. She may have been a home invading neurotic mess, but she was a fellow manga fan, even if she was in denial. Shimmer on the other hand, well, the evil smirk she sent my way summed it all up. And to add the cherry on the cake, she began walking towards me full of confidence.

Welp, better get my Food Wars references ready because this can only end well...

…

…

…

I meant Food Wars references in relation to her hair. You know, because it was like food toppings and stuff? Not that I wanted her clothes to randomly fly off and for her to climax from just eating fo- OH You Know What I Meant!

Author's Note:

What's this, a chapter that came out and its only been a few days!? What magic is this!?

Heheheh, but seriously this 2000 word limit thing is going make these chapters a breeze to plan out and publish these things. Plus its a nice writing exercise if ya think about, try and get some plot going in only 2000 words.

Anyway, nice to see people are still reading this, and I promise this trend of uploads won't stop soon. Hopefully I'll have a new chapter out every couple of days, or at most once a week.

Thanks to all those who are reading this, this has been DWC signing off!