> Life at Canterlot High
>  by Down with Chrysalis
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Episode 0: Introducing; Michael Bacon!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A bus passed by a nice open field. There are cows eating in this field, and for some odd reason they have huge smile on their faces. Inside the bus, a little girl points out the window at the cows and tells her mommy on how pretty they are, to which her mother nods back and agrees with a small chuckle. In a nearby seat a young. newly wed couple are holding hands and smiling and giving loving looks to each other. The husband tells her that she's the most beautiful thing in the world, and she responds by telling him he's the greatest man in the world. Behind them sits a teenager on the phone with his best friend who he hasn't seen in over a year. They agreed to meet at the city this bus is going to, and are going to spend the whole day catching up. Yep, this bus is full of happy people, not one person is frowning, not a single on-      

"Ugh....why must my mom hate me."

Well...everyone but me at least. You see that one teen slumped in the back row of the bus with his manga book, that has waves of angst coming off of him, yeah that's me. Name's Michael Bacon, the most anti-social kid in the world. And no, I don't mean I'm anti-social because I can't make friends or because I have a terrible personality, I really don't; I have a great personality and I can make friends if I want to. I just prefer to be alone with a nice manga or video game rather than be outside with people my age. Ever since that incident, I just like to be alone. 

I'm medium in height, but I tend to slouch a lot so people always think I'm short. It really bugs me when people call me short. I mean seriously, if I was short then that would make my arms freakishly long! Anyway, it looks like the bus is entering....wherever the bus is going. My mom forgot to tell me where I'm going to be living. I swear my mom has a heart of gold but the forgetfulness of a student before final exams. I look out the window and see...a sign with the name of the city on it.

Huh...convenient.

I read the sign and say out loud

"Welcome to the city of Ponyville. We're smiles and friendship are always present? Oh god.."

I sigh in annoyance and mutter

"Of course, my mom sends me to the cheeriest place on the planet for me to 'make friends'."

Now I'm using air quotes when I say 'making friends'. As I said, I don't really care for making friends. But my mom on the other hand, loves them. She was the most popular kid back in her school, so she finds it unacceptable that her only son isn't as popular as she was back then. That, and she thinks that someone 'as handsome and nice as you should have plenty of friends.' Being a teenager, I promptly ignored her and went back to playing some Kingdom Hearts. However, my mom had other plans. She had bought a two story house in...what's this place called again....oh right Ponyville as soon as she said she was gonna get me friends rather I liked it or not.

You know now that I think about it, mom had packed all my stuff the day she told me I was moving. And she did tell me the week before that big changes where coming, and I had to prepare to move on in life.

...

"Mother of god she must have been planning this for months! That sly she-devil! How could I have not notice that at all! Stupid, stupid, stupid..."

I continue to mutter "stupid" at myself for just now realizing that my devil of a mom was cooking this whole friend plan for a while.  After a few more minutes of calling myself stupid, I look up from my manga (yes I was reading it while thinking and calling myself stupid. Multitasking is a great skill) and out the window as the bus passes by this really big building. It has this horse statue in front of the building. I see a bunch of teenagers with backpacks walking out of the building. I hum to myself and think,

Huh... This must be the school mom was talking about. She wasn't kidding when she said this place was huge. It looks more like a collage campus more than anything.

As I continue to look out the window, the bus stops at a red light. Conveniently in front of a statue plaque with the schools name on it. As I read the plaque I say out loud

"Canterlot High. Home of the Wondercolts? Huh...strange name."

Seriously, who names their school and sports team after a horse pun? I mean I'm all for puns, love them like there's no tomorrow. But naming your school's sports team a pun is taking puns too far in my opinion. Oh well...I didn't name the school or the team so it's not my problem. As I continue to look out of the bus window, the light turns green and the bus continues on its schedule. As we past by the rest of the school, I see a black car with a lighting blot painted on the side. And I may not be much of a car person, but I will admit that car is awesome looking!

Too bad whoever is driving it is probably a rich snob. High school rule number 15: Never trust people with cool cars.

With that thought, I return to my manga (Naruto issue 32 for those wondering). My stop isn't for another few hours, so I'll get back you all when I get to my new home. See ya then.

A FEW HOURS LATER 

Welp, this is my stop. Hopefully my new place has all my stuff and furniture is in it by now. With a sigh, I pick up my luggage (4 luggage's, two small two big) and get off the bus. I look at the street name, and my eye twitches in annoyance as I say out loud,

"Friendship Lane....only my mom can find a street called Friendship Lane."

With another sigh I start to walk down the street, when I see some...strange things. For one I'm pretty sure one of the house's here is painted completely pink and lucky me whoever lives there lives a few houses down from me. Another thing I notice is that a few blocks down I'm pretty sure one of the houses is a tree house. But the strangest thing I saw was that at the end of my block their was a forest, and it was one creepy one too. Looks like it's haunted by every ghost and ghoul out there. But what's even stranger is that is actually looks like someone lives there! No seriously, there is a house right on the edge of the forest. I hereby call this forest the Super Creepy Never Go Near Forest of Death. All who enter will surly die and the person who lives there must be a witch.

...

Yeah...my imagination can go a little bit wild sometimes. Anyway, back to getting into my new home. As I continue to walk down the street, I go over what my mom told on how to find my house

"What did she say...oh yeah! My house should have a red roof and it's the only house on the block that has a chimney, and that it has a weird stone statue on the front lawn."

Nodding my head at remembering my mom's description of the house, I begin to look around for it. I eventually find it...right in front of the bus stop. My eye twitches in annoyance as I think

Well...this has to be the dumbest moment of my life. How did I not notice it as soon as I got off the bus? Oh well, I'll blame my short attention span on it.

With that thought, I turn around and walk over to my house. As I enter the front gate, I can't help but stare at the statue. I mean I know my mom said was weird looking...but this is just strange.

It looks like the person who made it got whacked in the head, grabbed a random animal statue, and then smashed it into another animal statue. Then whoever made it smashed more animal statues five or more times, made them look like their singing at a opera, and then glued it all together. And I swear to god that it's looking at me.

Shivering at how creepy it is that the eyes seem to follow me wherever I go, and quickly rush to my door, unlock it, and get into my new house. I slammed the door in the process, and quickly lock it. Now to some this looks like a teen running away from a funny looking statue. To me...well I'll think of something that'll make me not look like a loser. I look around the living room to see that all my stuff is here and in boxes. I would unpack now, but I'm tried so I think I'll hit the hay early. With that said I walk over to the couch that is still covered in it's plastic warping's, put my luggage down next to it with my I-phone, along with my manga, but not before putting a bookmark on the spot I'm at. I take off my hoody and throw it somewhere behind me. I lay down onto the couch and surprisingly the couch is still really comfy even if it is covered in plastic. I yawn as I lay down and fall to sleep, with only one thought on my mind...

...I wonder if mom made sure this place has cable yet?

THE NEXT DAY

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-SMASH*

God I hate that stupid alarm clock. Every day that thing goes off at the same time even if I don't turn it on! And the strange thing is is that it pops up outta nowhere right next to my ear. I've tried locking it in the basement once back at my old house, next day there was a alarm clock sized hole in the floor and mom grounded me for a week. Also, no matter how many times I smash the thing and throw it's remains into a fire it still appeared next to my head in the morning. I eventually gave up on trying to get rid of it and just smashed it every day. 

Sighing as I reluctantly get out off the couch, I walk around the still empty house to get a feel of the place. From what I found there are eight rooms in total; two bedrooms, one kitchen, two bathrooms, a living room, a laundry room, and a back room I'll probably find a use for later. 

You know, the rooms that are always in every house. Walking back into the living room, I look at the stacks of box's both large and small with dread and say

"Ugh....this is gonna take awhile to unpack all my stuff. What time is it anyway?"

I glance down at my watch (which I forgot to take off last night) to see it says

6:23 am

I stare at my watch for a few seconds remembering the paper I got from the school shortly before I had to move here; it said that my bus would normally pick me up at 6:30. I slowly process this before realization hits and I yell in panic

"SHOOT! THE BUS FOR MY NEW SCHOOL WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE!"

With that I panicky grab my I-phone, manga, and my hoody off the ground and I run out the door (locking it in the process). As I sprint down the sidewalk towards where the bus dropped me off yesterday I put on my hoody. I finally get to the corner of the street and look around in amazement to see that there were no other kids around here waiting for the bus. I looked around confused as to where everyone was. I couldn't possibly be the only guy waiting for the bus, can I?

Not that I mind at least, that just means I can read the rest of my manga peacefully without any distra-

I stop mid thought as I see a...pink wall...or maybe a pink blur. And Its coming right for me... huh. I can't help but wonder about this out loud,

"Is...is that a wall of pink coming towards me?"

I stare at the mass of pink for a few more seconds, but it starts to take a shape as it closes the distance. I can now make out some blue on it and what looks to be a backpack on it's back. It looks like a...is that a person?

"Dang...someone really likes pink. And whoever they are, their skin is pink too...strange. And that smile is huge! I didn't know someone can have a smile that big. Oh well, hopefully whoever this person is won't bug me. you know, it doesn't look like they're going to slow down... I should probably get out of the-"

*CRASH*

I fall down as the pink person slams into me like a bulldozer. I close my eyes as I impact the ground. "Oof! Oooww…" I hold my head in pain as I think in shock,

Dang! Was that even a person that hit me? There's no way anyone could have slammed into me that hard.

I grumble to myself through the pain and try to stand up, but something is stopping me, something heavy. I open my eyes to find and hopefully remove this obstruction, only to see a pair of bright blue eyes taking up the entirety of my vision.

“GAAAAHHH!” I shout in fear and surprise. But to contrast my newfound mood, I hear giggling coming from in front of me and a girl’s high-pitched voice says

"Wow! You sure can scream loudly! I don't think even I can scream that loud, and my friends tell me I have the loudest voice in the whole school. I even had to see the principle once because I was cheering too loud at the chess tournament last week. Oh, that was sooooo much fun, but it was really quiet to. Dashy said it was too boring but I thought it was really suspenseful and exiting. Say, you must be new, because I know everybody on the block, and I've never seen you before, not even at school; and I know everyone there too. So that must mean you’re new! Ooh I can't wait to throw you a 'Welcome to the Neighborhood!' party! It's gonna be off the hook!”

Holy taco bells, this girl can talk a mile a minute!

“Ohmygosh! I was so caught up with talking to you that I forgot to introduce myself! Silly me, the names Pinkamena Diane Pie, but my friends call me Pinkie!"

I can only stare at the pink girl with the fluffy pink hair (which makes her head look twice as big from where I'm laying) in both shock at horror. Shock because I'm pretty sure she just broke the fastest talker record twice just then, and horror because of how much pink I'm seeing; I think I'm gonna see pink for a week because of this! I try once more to get up, but I find she still has me pinned, and that she’s looking at me, as if she's waiting for me to tell her something.

“I’m Pinkie, and you’re…” she leads me on.

I just continue to stare at her awkwardly before I say the most intelligent thing I can think of at this moment  

"Uhhh..."

Yep that was definitely intelligent. I bet NASA is gonna give me an award in intelligence just ‘cause that sentence was so intelligent. This girl, Pinkamena or Pinkie or whatever, just giggles and says

"Wel 'uhhh', it's nice to meet you. Say, why don't we be friends?"

I just stare at her for a second and tell her

"I would have to answer your question with..."

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
>  Episode 1: The Annoying, The Mean, And The Problem 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Beep Beep*

The sudden sound stops me in the middle of rejecting Pinkie’s offer of friendship. I look to the side at the great yellow bus that just pulled up, and to my horror, I see that everyone is looking out the window at me. More specifically, Pinkie being on top of me. I immediately blush in embarrassment as I scramble to my feet (gaining the strength to throw the pink girl off of me somehow). I look back at the downed pink girl before quickly boarding the bus, keeping my head down in a failed attempt to go unnoticed.

I’m forced to look up a little bit to find a seat as I get stared at by... well everyone. Talk about starting the day right, huh? Sarcasm, gotta love sarcasm. I finally find a spot at the back of the bus, which is fine by me. I’ve always preferred the backs of buses anyway, it’s always a little more hidden, no one to stare at me or anything like that. On my way to the back seat, I can hear everyone whispering around me about what just happened outside the bus. I can't help but sigh in annoyance and think

Greattttt....first day of school and rumors about me are already gonna start happening.

To make matters worse, that girl that ran into me is heading right for the back of the bus too. I can only hope she doesn’t… is she going to? Oh she’d better not. Don’t even think about it. Don’t- Gah, she did it anyway.

So now she’s sitting down right next to me with this big stupid grim on her face; that’ll quell the rumors. More sarcasm by the way. I try to scoot away, but for every inch I move, she just scoots two inches closer until she practically sitting on my lap.

“Can I help you?” I ask, when really I’m thinking “Go away, for the love of all that is sacred, go away!”

"Hiya! I don’t need help, but you look like you need some from me!” she tells me. “I figured you looked so lonely reading that comic book, so I'll sit next to you on the way to school! It'll be a great chance for us to bond as friends!”

“I really don’t want to-“ I try to avert the breaking of the metaphorical floodgate.

“Hey, did I ever tell you the time my buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once?” she excitedly begins her story.

*Sploosh!*

“He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy teargassing him to ask what he was doing up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first, it was funny; then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!” she spout off while waving her arms in the most impossible gestures, as though she were painting an invisible picture in the air. All of this while barely taking a breath between her sentences.

“Oh, and anther time Keith and I made fireworks? Now, I didn't know spit about chemistry, but Keith figured "Gasoline burns, doesn't it?" Heh, third-degree burns on 95 percent of his body. Man, people in the next city over were calling to complain about the smell of burning skin. Oh, and the time blah blah blah blah..."

Since I’ve learned getting her to leave is impossible, I do what teenagers do best and tune her out, going back to my manga with only one thought lingering in my mind… okay, two thoughts actually

One; this girl is either insane or hyped up on at least eighty Redbulls. And two; poor, poor Keith...*sigh* and me.

With no end to her verbal tsunami in sight, I slouch in sadness as I just know this is gonna be a long, longride...

The bus finally pulls to its destination in front of the Canterlot High after I had to suffer what honestly felt like hours of Pinkie’s constant yapping. Literally the whole time the bus was picking other people up, she went on and on about her friend Keith (who I'm surprised is even still alive at this point), and it's driving me insane. Now don't get me wrong, I'm usually a very patient guy, but this girl just won't shut up! And she keeps calling me Uhhh (my fault on that one to be honest) and acting like I’m her friend. Now let me make it clear that I'm not her stinking friend, yet she's treating me like we've know each other for years! I swear if she doesn't shut up soon, I’m gonna have to...

I slowly breathe in and let out sigh before I let that thought continue. Fortunately Pinkie moves out of my way so at last I can get out of the bus seat. She’s still talking, something about rainbows and the school soccer team, but at least I’m not trapped between her and the wall of a bus. I get up and step out of the bus and get a look around at my new school.

"Yep, definitely looks more like a college campus up close.” I mumble “Why is it so big? How many teens even have to come here for a building to be this big? And I have to find the principal’s office too...greeeaaaatttt. This can't get any wo-"

"Hey best pal! Why are you just standing there and staring at our school.” Pinkie suddenly appears right beside me “Well actually kind of you’re glaring more than staring. Oh! Are you having a glaring contest with the school?! I tried that once, but I lost. But the school cheated! I saw it blink I swear!"

My eye just twitches in annoyance as I think

That's it! Time to end this 'friendship' before it begins. Begin operation 'De-friend the Friender!'

With that thought I turn towards Pinkie and say in the nicest voice I can possibly muster considering what I've just been through.

"Look, Pinkie… You’re a great girl, and you have a nice personality and all that."

She smiles brightly at me, and I can't help but cringe slightly while guiltily thinking about what comes next.

This is always the worst part. Remember Michael, let her down easily.

With a quick sigh and a forced smile you say

"But, I really don’t want to be friends."

...

*crack*

Holy mother of- Was that glass breaking?! As soon as I said that I heard the equivalent of a church’s stained glass window shatter!

I spin around to the school to find out which window broke, but I don't see anything broken. I’m about to question this, but when I turn back to Pinkie, all of that gets pushed out of my mind.

Pinkie just looks...well she looks like she did a complete one eighty, downright gloomy even. Her hair used to be poofy and bright pink, but now it’s dull and perfectly straight, and the light in her eyes seems to have up and vanished leaving them... hollow. Overall she just looks... darker, colder for some reason; I can practically feel the sadness radiating off her.
I wouldn't be surprised if this is some random girl that showed up, and that Pinkie walked off after I said we can't be friends (that's what everyone at my old school did at least).

"You...you don't want to be friends?" she says, her voice now a hollow monotone to match the rest of her.

I continue to stare at the girl, who is somehow the same Pinkie that was talking my ears off not a few minutes ago.

Holy heck! Pinkie just went from a bundle of cheeriness and annoyance to sad and depressing...with a new hair style too.

After that thought I return to my mission, nodding my head, I tell her

"Yeah...I’m just not that into the whole friend thing. I'm more of a loner to be honest. So don't take it too personally."

Pinkie just nods her head sadly and mumbles "Okay".

She then buries her face in her arms and runs past me and into the school. I swear I saw tears dripping from her eyes onto the ground as she ran.

"That's...that's a new reaction to me rejecting someone’s friendship. Usually they don’t care and just walk away. Huh, ah well, it's probably nothing to worry about; at least I can get on with life. Now I need to find that principles office. TALLY HO!"

My enthusiasm takes a few hits on the way to the front doors however, as I notice I’m getting quite a few less than friendly glares from the other students. I can hear disapproving whispers of “Did you see that?” and “He made Pinkie cry.” and “What a jerk.”

Jeez, what’s with the people here? I just said I didn't want to be friends.

Normally I would care, but if this gets all of them to leave me alone too, then it’s for the best. Now I just need to find my way to the Principal’s office and… and I have no idea where that is. Oh well, it shouldn't be that hard to find, right?





For the love of god how hard is it to find a principals office! I’ve been walking around this flipping huge building for the past… (I quickly check my watch) twelve minutes and I still have no idea where the stinking principal’s office is! It's going to be 2nd period any time now. Ohhhh I'm soooo gonna get a bad rep with the teachers if they think I skipped class! I tried asking around for directions, but apparently everyone in this school hates me for that incident with Pinkie.

Seesh...reject one friend request and suddenly your public enemy number one!

But you know… I think back to how Pinkie acted when I said I didn't what to be her friend, how she suddenly seemed so gloomy, almost dead inside. I shiver at the thought. And then I think of how she cried...  

I guess I can't really blame these people. Apparently I really hurt her even if I didn't mean to. I should probably apologize the next time I see her... if she’ll even talk to me. But for now I need to find the principal’s office.

With my new side quest and mission in my head (yes, I treat things like a video game sometimes) I turn the next corner and...

*Crash*

“Gah! Whoa-wh-no don’t fall over- oh crud… Ow.”

And that everyone, was the sound of me getting run into again today, by a purple haired girl in a labcoat this time. Jeez, what is with people bumping into me today? Or did I bump into this person...eh, it doesn’t really matter.

“Oh, sorry. Sorry.” She says as she scrambles over me and grabs a book that landed behind us “Sorry.” She turns and gives me an awkward smile and adjusts her glasses.

It’s now that I notice she also has purple skin too. Man, what’s with the weird skin colors here. Wait, wait, I know that sounds racist but seriously; I’ve seen just about every color of the rainbow on people around here, purple, azure, sunflower yellow, It’s seriously weird.

“Sure, just look out next time.” I tell her as I get up off the plastic tile flooring.

“I know, I wasn’t looking where I was going. It’s just that I was so absorbed in the topics this book is covering I forgot to look where I was going.” She shows me the cover of her book, Advanced world physics and inter-planer theories, seriously? “It’s just some light reading for when I’m not doing homework, but it proposes that for each world there are infinite other world out there a fraction of a shadow’s width away. Of course shadows are normally blah blah, blah blahdy blah science, blah blah blah things-I-can’t-comprehend-and-was-never-meant-to blah…”

But yeah, you get the idea. This girl is really into… whatever she’s into.

It’s about that time that I noticed all the papers and books all over the floor, the ones she'd probably been carrying before she ran into me (I ran into her?). Now I may be a loner, but I’m not a jerk. “Sorry about crashing into you by the way, let me help.” I say as I crouch down and start picking up some of the books.

“Oh, uh… thanks for the hel- wait don’t touch that!” she suddenly screams as I’m about to uncover another book.

I raise an inquisitive eyebrow and pick it up, but I have to say I’m shocked at what I see. “Huh...Bleach? Hey, you read ma-"

Suddenly the girl rips the manga out of my hands, grabs all the books and papers I picked up, and does a backstep away from me, clutching the manga to her chest like I’m about to steal it or something. “I said not to touch it!” she fumes.

“Woah, what’s the big deal?” I hold my hands up defensively.

“No-one can know I read these!” She says in a crazed tone “What would my teachers think if they knew? There’s nothing academic about manga! They might knock me down a grade, or take points off my final, or-” She gasps and looks at a nearby clock, her eyes shooting open in pure, undiluted horror “I’m going to be late for class!”

In an instant she’s gone. I stare at the dust trail that she left and let out a low whistle of surprise and amazement.

"Huh… someone takes their schooling seriously."

With a shrug of my shoulders, I continue my search for the principle when a thought hits me. I face palm and shout to the ceiling.

"DANG IT! I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER WHERE THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE IS!"

I then ponder what else I had missed today, only to face-palm again at my dreaded realization.

“I COULD HAVE HAD A V-8!”

I sigh in anger as I begin to chant "stupid" under my breath at myself as I continue to look for the principal’s office. And to add further enjoyment, the bell goes off. Meaning that passing period is over with and that 2nd period has begun... great.





That's it! I give up! I'm never gonna find the stupid principle's! I'll just head back to the front of the school and hope one of the teachers come in late so I can ask for directions. There's no point in continuing to look for the office now. It's not like I'm gonna run into the principle at any sec-

*Whack*

"Ah! Oh no, falling down again! *Thud* Ow, my head. Ohhh that's gonna leave a mark in the morning."

And that is what happens when a door gets slammed into your face. I rub my head in pain as I look up to see a pale girl walk out of the door, she's wearing purple shades and has this spikey neon-blue hair. She's also has these huge headphones on and is rhythmically bobbing her head up and down to the beat of...whatever it is she's listening to, walking by with her eyes forward and completely ignorant to my pain.

I can’t help getting angry at her ignoring me; because it is totally her fault that the door hit me (it was defiantly not my fault for not paying attention to where I was going. Defiantly not that) I jump up and shake my fist yelling

"HEY! WATCH WHEN YOU OPEN A DOOR, SHADES! AND YOU DO KNOW YOU’RE INSIDE RIGHT?! THERE'S NO REASON FOR EVEN WEARING THEM!"

...

I await a response, but she just keeps walking away from me, completely ignoring my outburst with the tunes pumping into her ears. My eye twitches in anger as I slowly bring my fist down and slump my shoulders. I then sigh in annoyance while shoving my hands into my hoody's pockets before saying

"What class did she even come out of anyway?"

I start to look up at the sign above the door while saying

"I mean, what class would allow a student to wear...head...phones..."

I then stare in silent astonishment at what the sign says. It says "Principle Celestia's Office."    

I slowly take my hands out of my hoody pockets and pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. "Ow! I guess I'm not dreaming huh?"

With that confirmed, tears of joy fall down my cheeks as I get on my knees and shout to the heavens

"YES! FINALLY I FOUND THIS GOD FORSAKEN OFFICE! THANK YOU! THANK YOU WHOEVER ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO NOT SUFFER IN LIFE! THANK YOU!"

Oh I could kiss the ground right now in gratitude-wait what was I doing? Oh right! Need to get signed in so I don't get arrested for trespassing. With that thought in mind I open the door and are about to go in when a thought hits me, causing me to stop walking halfway to the door.

Wait a second...shouldn't I have been arrested by now? I'm a teenager on school grounds that hasn’t been registered. Now I know for a fact that there's a law stating how illegal that is. Oh well, I guess the school just has a poor security. Anyway...TO THE FIRST BOSS! And with that thought, I fully head into the office.





I walk out of principal Celestia's with a slight smile on my face and all my papers in my hand. I stuff my id and the pencil into my pockets and I decide to carry the rest of my stuff. Now, you’re all probably wondering why I have a half smile. Well you see the principle, who's got the longest pair of legs I've ever seen (and by long, I mean long). And she has rainbow hair...rainbow hair! Was she in a rock band or something?

Anyway, she was really nice and all. She registered me into the school, gave me my schedule and some notebooks and a pencil since I left mine at home. And she told me everything I need to know about how this school works. And one of the strangest (and something I really don't understand is even legal) thing I heard was that it was a tradition for the new student to get lost and wonder around the building looking for the office. Apparently I was one of the few student's to actually find the office before lunch (I knew this school was too big for a reason! I knew it! It’s all a sick joke to them, it’s all-)

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I need to find my 2n-

*Brinnnnnnnngggggg*

Sigh...3rd period class. Which is...Math. Ugh! I hate math. Of course that's my 'first' class in this school. Sigh...oh well

"TALLY HO!"





*Brinnnnnnnnngggggggg*

Oh thank god that class is over!  I swear math has got to be the most boring class out there. It didn't help that the whole class was glaring at me the whole time, even the teacher! This is ridiculous, how popular is Pinkie if all these people already know I made her cry, it was an accident people! I need to find her and apologize soon, before someone hoists me up the flag pole by my trousers. If I ever find her again that is.

I sigh as I look at my schedule to see that my next class is science...and it's on the other side of the school (based on my map). I sigh again at my unfortunate circumstances. Oh well, better start running, I've got (looks at watch) six minutes till my next class; they just don’t give us students enough time in passing periods. I’d better make a break for it now.

"ONWARD!"





Huff...huff...huff… Arg my lungs are burning! God I need to get into shape. But I made it; now all I need to do is walk into my class and I won't be la-

"Oh, look at poor Pinkie." Comes a voice behind me.

Oh no...

"She looks so sad, just look at her hair, it's all floppy and straight!" another says, filled with dread “It’s never a good sign when her hair isn't looking like cotton candy.”

Don't do this to me any more.

"And look, there’s the jerk who made her sad right over there." a particularly feral tone is directed towards me.

Who ever is watching over me, I'm begging you now, please make them stop already.

"How can he just stand there while Pinkie is so sad! He should be ashamed of himself!"

Whichever omnipotent being is watching over me right now, you officially suck. Sighing as my shoulders sag, I slowly turn around and see...a really sad sight.

I see Pinkie still bummed out, and she looks even sadder than before. Her shoulders are sagged, she's slouching more than me (and that's saying something, trust me), and her frown...is literary on the ground. I stare in both awe and horror at the sight while thinking

Holly mother of God! How is that psychically possible! That can't even be-it shouldn't even- Oh forget it for now, I need to apologies now. I still have...2 minutes left before class. Dang I ran fast to get over here huh? Thank goodness for that.

With that thought in mind, I begin to walk towards Pinkie, preparing my apology in my head as I go. But before I can get to her, she walks right into some other girl who’s just standing around. The girl shrieks and turns on Pinkie with a scowl; it looks like she spilled hot coffee on herself.

Unfortunately for Pinkie, everything about that girl just screams 'I'm the tough chick everyone’s afraid of, and for good reason.', and it seems she was really living up to her theme, what with her leather jacket, studded punk boots, and that lethal glare.

"Watch where you're going you pink puff ball! Look at this!” she gestures to the dripping wet stain down her front “You made me spill coffee all over my brand new shirt! You’re lucky I'm in a good mood; all you need to do is fork over the money for a new one." said the girl with the red and yellow striped hair, which was quite reminiscent of ketchup and mustard to be honest.

And it looks like I'm right; this chick is a bully, no doubt about it. I think as I watch her belittle Pinkie even further.

"Well? Are you just going to stand there like a cow?” she gets right in Pinkie’s face "I'll have you know, bad things happen to those who defy Sunset Shimmer."

Pinkie doesn't seem to notice her as she just stares blankly at the now dubbed Sunset Shimmer, barely the will to respond left in her. Sunset sneers,( and not just any sneer, I mean a full blown villain sneer) and says

"Come on you pink chef wannabe, you’d better pay up. Unless..." She cracks an evil smile before shifting her eyes to me and saying in a menacing tone "You want me to go and grab your new 'friend' so that he can talk down to you again."

Pinkie whimpers, stinking whimpers at Sunset's threat. I feel my hand turn into a fist.

Use me as a threat huh? Bully someone who’s already down and out over my mistake will ya? I think as I grit my teeth in anger Well then...let's see if there’s another way I can apologize to Pinkie.

One thing you should know about me that's really important: I hate bullies with a passion. So if one of them makes fun of someone using my mistakes, then it's gonna get personal. I stomp my way over to Sunset and shout 

"OI! KETCHUP HEAD! PICK ON SOMEONE THAT'S AS SHALLOW AS YOU, WILL YA!?"

Gasps of shock and terror come from the students surrounding us and Sunset turns toward me.

"What did you just say to me?" she says and shoots me a death glare that sends all the other students cowering behind anything solid they can find.

I smirk slightly and step in between Pinkie and Sunset, acting as a shield for the morose pink girl. The only reason that glare doesn't scare me is because I've played over a dozen horror games in my life, and after a while my fear in real life disappeared. Sadly my fear in video games increased ten-fold. Anyway where was I...oh yeah! Showing Sunset who's boss

"You heard me ketchup-head." I say to her in a mocking tone, "Or should I call you mustard-head instead. Or maybe I should call ya both with your choice in hair color...please tell me that's dyed right?"

Some muffled laughs escape from some of the students, but they immediately stop when Sunset glares at them. I can't help but roll my eyes and think

Gee, you must be one of the top bully's huh? Well, that just means it'll be easier to make you back off. The bigger the bully's ego, the faster they leave to save their dignity. At least that's how it works in movies.

Sunset immediately turns her glare back to me. "Who do you think you are to insult me?" she asks as if  she's the queen of something.

I smirk remembering one of my favorite parts in an anime, I start taking poses and yell

"Alright, listen up! I've wandered in obscurity in this school for too long; it's time for me to reveal my true identity to all… for the first time! From the north and the south, from the east to the west..." I throw my backpack into the air "No one can defeat this awesome dude! I am the slayer of dragons and Koopas, wielder of the Keyblade and the vanquisher of evil, the death of all video game bosses and he who has defeated Dark Souls on new-game plus seven! Michael Bacon!"

"That’s right!" I laugh triumphantly "I am speaking about none other than myself!"

I then catch my back pack as it falls down to me and as I finish my introduction, I look around to see blank looks from everyone, including Sunset. Apparently no-one else got my amazing, and incredibly well preformed reference to one of the greatest anime of all time… the heathens.

I then hear uncontrollable giggling from behind me. Turning my head around, I see Pinkie, back to her old puffy pink self, giggling like nuts and holding her sides in laughter. I admit, I start to chuckle myself at my nerdy display. That is until I hear Sunset say in a bored deadpan 

"Are you two love birds done? I’d like to get back to putting you down."

My eye twitches in annoyance and I turn back to Sunset. "Whatever you say ketchup-mustard head. But I'm a little busy trying to be funny and not a stereotypical bully from a bad movie, okay?"

Sunset's face starts to turn red in anger and she looks like she’s about to burst a vein.

Then from a hallway to my side, a very annoying voice shouts out 

"Hey! Leave the great sunset shimmer alone!"

"Yeah, you can’t begin to comprehend her levels of win!" Another calls out in an equally ear-bleeding voice.

I cringe and rub my ear canals in pain as a pair of boys run in front of Sunset, one quite pudgy and short, the other more like a string bean.

I stare at them for a few moments. "Oh my god… they actually exist." I mutter in astonishment "You two actually exist."

"Who exists? Us?" The short tubby one asks.

I smile smugly. "Yeah, you two. I found Tweedledee and Tweedledum in henchmen form. So that makes Sunset Bloody Mary, ha!" I give a quick laugh, to which almost all the students join in.

Sunset looks more furious than ever, and looks about ready to say something either offensive or very loud, but she doesn't get the chance as one of the teachers bursts from a classroom door and shouts at us and the gathered crowd "HEY YOU KIDS! GET TOO CLASS! YOU'RE ALREADY ONE MINUTE LATE!"

The students around us all sigh before they begin to go to their class. As I turn to go back to my science class, I call out to Sunset and her lackeys

"Nice chat Ketchup head, but it looks like our time is up. See you next time when I need some mustard for my hot-dog."

Sunset huffs angrily and walks away with the henchmen in toe, but before she leaves she turns to me and shouts "Don't think you've won anything. The only thing you've done is gain a new enemy today."

I scoff and say "Whatever condiments.”

I smirk as I see them retreat down the hall. Before I can forget I turn back to Pinkie and offer her a hand up. “Hey Pinkie, that was pretty brutal. Sorry about earlier and the whole 'not being friends thing;. No hard feelings, right?"

“Hurk!” *Pop**Crackle**Snap*

And that’s what my spine sounds like when I get a surprise make-up hug from Pinkie. Yes, it sounds like a cereal in reverse.

“P-Pinkie… I… c-can’t… breathe!” I manage rasp out.

“Oops, sorry.” She lets me go "See ya later newest bestest friend!" she waves and skips off while humming a cheerful tune.

After making sure my lungs work and that my chest hasn't collapsed, I walk into my science class with one thought on my mind.

Well… back to square one. 





*Brinnnnnggggggg*

Another bell, another class done with. At least this time people weren't glaring at me. Sure they would send me sideways glares, but it wasn’t as intense this time. Apparently, Pinkie is one of the most forgiving students in this school, which is strange to be honest. Considering she was downright miserable and full gloom after I denied her friendship, you’d think she would hate my guts forever. But nope, I stop her from getting picked on by Sunset “ketchup-mustard head” Shimmer, and make her laugh at my awesome introduction and suddenly we're 'best friends'.

With a sigh I walk out of the classroom with my backpack slug over my shoulder and my notebooks and my schedule in my other hand. While I'm walking away I can't help but think

Not only do I have to be friends with Pinkie or else face the wrath of the whole school, but now I've made it onto Sunset's arch-enemy list. Not that I care much about it, it'll be just really annoying to having to deal with her attempts to bully me. Sigh, oh well. At least with Pinkie I'll only see her in the morning, and maybe in the hall. As for Sunset, she likely has other kids to bully. It's not like me standing up to her made me her prime target.

I suddenly have a shiver go down my spine and I hear a distant cruel laugh in the distant. I sigh in sadness and think

Oh who am I kidding? If movies have taught me anything, and with my luck so far, that’s exactly what’s happened. What a pain…  what's my next class anyway?

Looking at my schedule I see that my 5th period class is- wait a minute… before 5th is-

"YA-WHOOO!"

I jump into the air and launch my fist skyward in excitement while thinking

Yes! It's lunch time! Ohhhh I love lunch time; it's the one period of the day where I can grab a bite to eat, find a nice quiet corner, and finally get to read my manga during school. Man, a nice break is just what I need after today.

With a spring in my step, I rush towards the cafeteria with help from my map. Hopefully this school has good food.



 

Okay… So apparently this school really likes apples...and fruits...and vegetables. I swear when I got to the lunch line I thought I got into the salad bar on accident. But nope, apparently 99% of the students that go here are vegetation...somehow. But luckily for me there was some meat on the menu. Don't get me wrong, I love my veggie's and fruits, but I need meat dang it!

Of course, half the student's either gave me weird looks or glares for my choice of food. Sigh, I just can't get these people to not notice me. I swear, it's like these students here love to stare and/or glare at me. Well, if they'd be so kind as to leave me alone, I'm just gonna take my meat and manga to that nice dark corner over there.

With that thought, I begin to walk over to the corner table with my food in hand (I put my notebooks and schedule into my backpack so I could carry my tray of food). But before I can even get close to it, I feel someone grab my hand. I hear my neck creak as I look over in silent dread. Just as I feared, Pinkie is there giving me a huge grin. I stare at her and then ask her in a deadpan voice

"Pinkie...why are you holding my hand and preventing me from eating my delicious meat and reading my awesome manga? Alone."

Pinkie giggles at what I said and grips my hand tighter. "Well silly, since you’re my newest best friend. I need to introduce you to my other best friends so that we can all be super best friends! Isn't that great!? You’re gonna love them, they are so awesome, cool, sweet, perky, cool, nice, and did I say cool?"

I just give her a blank stare before saying with blatant sarcasm "Oh boy, I can't wait to meet them. They sound so cool. And yes you said cool...three times."

Pinkies smile just grows as she thinks I’m serious. "Great! Now come on, they’re sitting over here!"

And the next thing I know I'm dragged across the cafeteria (with everybody watching....yay) to a table where I see the most opposite looking people in the world.

The first one is extremely pale with dark purple hair that must have taken at least an hour to style. Sitting across from her is a girl in a stetson and actual cowboy boots, spurs and everything. Next up we have one of those athletic types, and she must moonlight as a convention goer with that rainbow-pattern hair. And finally, slouched over and nervously watching me from behind a curtain of long pink hair is a girl with little pets in her backpack, of which she’s doing a terrible job of hiding.

"Hey everyone! This is Michael, my new friend. And since he’s my friend, that means he should be friends with all of you too." Pinkie bounces up and down as she introduces everyone "This is Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy." She points to each of them in turn, nearly too fast for me to keep up.

"Uh, pardon me for questioning your judgment darling, no one knows more about making new friends than you after all, but weren't you crying your eyes out just this morning because of this… insensitive miscreant?" Rarity shoots me a glare.

"Hey, I find that offensive." I retort "I just said I didn't want to be friends! What’s the big deal?"

There’s a collective gasp from everyone within earshot.

"Oh shut up!" I snap at the eavesdroppers "I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, it just happened okay?"

"Uh-huh… clearly." The one in the Stetson says, her voice full of skepticism "Then maybe you can explain why y'all would do such a hurtful thing to Pinkie; makin' new friends means a whole lot t' her."

I breathe a sigh before responding "Look, Jappleack-"

“Applejack.”

“Whatever… I just like to be alone to do my own stuff. Friends just aren't that important to me. It's nothing against any of you."

"Gosh, that sounds a lot like Twilight when we first met." The shy one says in barely more than a whisper.

"Where is Twilight anyway?" Pinkie hops up on a nearby table and starts scanning the cafeteria.

"Oh, she's just doing her egghead thing, staying in class to finish her eighth extra-credit assignment instead of eating… again." Rainbow explains and rolls her eyes.

Great, so Pinkie has stereotypes for friends. I think as I'm made to stand there and be judged over by these people, Let's see here, there's the fashionista who has every boy drooling over her, the hard working yet stubborn girl, the egotistical tom-boy, and the shy animal lover who secretly suppresses a raging fire within. And somewhere out there is the bookworm with anti-social tendencies and a ravenous study habit. Hey, we can have a spin-off of that TV show, Friends at this rate.

As great as it was to meet Pinkie’s really weird friends, I've got a manga to read and a burger to put in my belly. But just as I'm about to make a break for that nice looking corner for some peace and quiet, I hear... an oddly seductive singing?

I look around in confusion as literally everybody has stopped talking and are focused at the closed lunch doors. The boys are drooling at nothing while the girls all have jealous stares. I look at the door in confusion before asking Pinkie (who is creepily quiet as well)

"Uh...you hear the seductive singing too right?"

Pinkie nods here head dumbly, and I'm about to asks what's going on, the doors burst open and these three girls in disco clothes wearing ten pounds of masquera each saunter in. They weave their way through the crowds of students, mingling their way around as they hold everyone's enraptured gazes, treating them like play-doh in their fingers.

Wow...talk about stereotypical divas huh? Double wow... this school is full of stereo-types. I think to myself.

Well, as long as they don't bug me and I can use this as a distraction to get to that corner booth, then that's all fine with me. I should probably make my move no-

Why are they coming over here? And why are they looking at me!? Why do I feel like screaming for a adult?!

....

First day of school, and I already want to run for the hills.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER          
> Episode 2: This Day Just Get's Better And Better...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Giant neon hair… studded off-color clothing… glittery mist pouring around them as they saunter through the cafeteria?

Yeah, normally I care about people who follow trends that died out decades ago as much as I care about anyone else, that is to say… not at all. But these three are giving off some seriously bad vibes for me.

The way they hum that creepy song, swaying in time, moving through the crowd like they own them, like they’re better than everyone here… and the way their eyes seem to pulse with this green glare every time they pass a group of the other mesmerized students.

I pull up my hood and scooch closer to Pinkie and her friends, hoping to camouflage myself among the stereotypes. Maybe I could pass myself off as the quiet, angsty one.

“You need somthin’ pardner?” Dapplejack says, scooching away and ruining my cover.

I ignore her and ask, “What’s up with Blue-y, Sunny and Punky over there? No one told me lunch involved an 80’s invasion with a side of fashion disaster.”

The Rainbow jock stifles a laugh, but Jack Apple and the others just cringe.

“Ya’ll better not let them hear ya say that. Them girls are bad news.” She tells me, “Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk. They transferred in from outta nowhere in the middle of the semester, call themselves the Dazzlings, an’ they got a way of making people do what they want.” She casts me a sidelong glance. “Certainly have ways of dealing with any feller dumb enough to mess with them. They must be here to initiate the new guy.”

I get the feeling she’s referring to me, but I keep watch on the so-called Dazzlings. Anyone who can bewitch people to make them do their bidding is a definite ‘nope’ in my book. My time shall remain my own, and I shall do nothing with it if I darn well please!

I just want to sit in the nice quiet dark corner and eat my meaty lunch and read my manga in peace, dang it! Is that too much to ask for?!

Unfortunately they seem to have other plans in mind for me, these disco divas are definitely heading my way, and their eyes keep snapping back to me with that creepy evil glare of theirs. I start looking for a way out…

But dang it! Everywhere’s blocked off by something!

I spot a side exit to the halls, but it’s blocked by three dudes wearing dog collars sorting their collection of shiny rocks. The next door leading outside is blocked by a set of pink speakers and turntable pumping dance music in time to the Dazzling’s song. I spot a label on the side, and squinting I see it reads “Property of Pinkie Pie: in case of singing, break out the tunes.”

Dang it Pinkie. Why are you so random?

That leaves the fire exit.

… Am I really that desperate? Am I really willing to risk whatever consequences come with sounding a fire alarm in the middle of lunch. On my first day too?

*Sigh*

No I’m not.

Whatever these witches have in store for me, I’ll meet it head first. Then I’ll brush them off and get to enjoying my lunch in peace! For I am Michael Bacon, and Michael Bacon fears nothing!

Still…

I start to sweat as the Dazzling’s sway closer, taking their time. Those fiends must know I’m trapped. They know they have me right where they want me. Darn you disco divas with your over-the-top clashing outfits, your sub-par music, and your cute flustered glances-

Wait a sec, what?

I finally notice something strange with the blue one. The other two have their eyes fixed on me with their evil intentions, but the blue one is  just stealing these quick glances at me before looking away shyly. Weird.

Finally. Finally they’ve gotten to the table I’m sitting at, and I see the rest of the girls tense up. I stare back at their leader wondering what they could possibly have in store for me, and I can’t help but give a nervous gulp.

"Michael Bacon, I presume?" the sun-haired one says with enough ego to put Sasuke Uchiha to shame.

“And you must be Almond Drizzle, Area Blast, and Sonata Dusk.” I say darkly, obscuring my eyes behind my hood.

I hear them growl while everyone else tries to hide their chuckles.

“Hey! He got my name right!” Sonata says proudly before the others tell her to shut up.

“Well you see, there’s one problem here.” I say, doing my best not to smirk. I stand up to my full height, a good head and a half over Adagio. “I’m not Michael Bacon…

“He is!” I say, dramatically pulling out a Super Mario 1-up mushroom from my pocket. It’s a stress ball I got for preordering. It’s always with me for obvious reasons.

Adagio and Aria stare in confusion for a moment, before Sonata suddenly snatches the stress ball from my hand.

“Wow! So you’re Michael Bacon?” she says to the stress ball. “When I heard your name I thought you’d be cute, but I never thought you’d be this adorable!”

Sonata then starts rubbing the foam mushroom against her face with a big happy smile.

“Someone’s into shrooms.” I quip as she and Aria start fighting over my 1-up mushroom.

Suddenly I’m face to face with Adagio’s snarling teeth. But she quickly relaxes back to her seductress stare.

“Listen Mister Bacon, can I call you Michael.” Adagio says, though I’m sure it’s not a question. She slides her hand under my chin, raising my head so I’m looking up at her. “Word in the halls is that you’re new to this school, and you look like you could use some friends.”

Oh god it’s worse than I feared…

“That’s what I said!” Pinkie pipes in, but quickly deflates. “But… he said he doesn’t want friends.”

“Well perhaps he only wants the right kind of friends. I can’t blame you for ditching this trash to align with the in crowd.”

“Hey!” Rainbow snaps and suddenly switches places with me, jabbing Adagio’s chest with a finger, “Who are you calling trash?”

Adagio takes the challenge with a smirk. “Oh, just the biggest band of misfits in this school.” She says, making a sad gesture towards them all. “There’s the girl so afraid of people that she spends all her time with her animals, the dress-maker who can’t stand to see anything she thinks is ugly, the bookworm that would rather study than spend time with her friends, the one that forces others to be happy to hide the fact that she’s dead inside, the southern one, and finally… the jock who hangs out with girls that are less athletic to make herself look better by comparison. That’s who I’m talking about when I say garbage.”

I would think that each of the girls would have some kind of heroic, biting response. I know I would after something like that. But instead they all just sort of sulk in their seats, turning their heads away in shame.

It’s like they actually believe that stuff they were just told. By someone they don’t even like!

“So then Michael,” Adagio says to me, “how would you like to ditch the misfits, and join with us instead?”

“Yeeeeeaaah… No.” I tell her blankly and turn to leave.

The music that was playing in the background cuts out with a record scratch.

“What?” Adagio asks with palpable anger.

“Yeah I’d rather eat my lunch in peace, without some 80’s rejects following me around. See ya!” I say over my shoulder.

I find myself blocked by Aria though, who holds out a hand firmly to block my way. Then without a word she twirls her finger, telling me to turn around.

Adagio is waiting for me with a look that could melt stone. “I don’t think you understand who you’re dealing with.”

“Really?” I raise a brow, “Because you three seem like any other gang of tough-girl bullies I’ve ever had to deal with.”

The whole room gapes in shock. Adagio herself mouths something in confusion.

I don’t know why they’re so surprised… “The stereotypes are all right here! I can see it plain as day.” I point at Aria first, “You’re obviously the beta of the group, the one who takes the orders and does most of the work, and judging by that frown of yours, you’re not too happy about it. You probably want to be the leader of the gang, but know it’s not gonna happen. So you settle for being number two and hide your frustration and jealously behind a tough attitude and a frown.”

Aira grits her teeth and clenches her fist.

“Yeah,” I chuckle, “just like that!”

“Next!” I move on to Sonata, “We’ve got the blind follower of the group, the indoctrinated. I can tell you’re a bit different from these two; you tend to follow their lead, not really knowing why they do what they do, but not caring as long as you have a place to fit in. They obviously think you’re the weakest link in the chain, but they keep you around so it isn’t just the two of them.”

“And finally we have the ringleader, the big cheese.” I say, turning back to Adagio, who’s left eyelid is twitching with frustration. I find a bit of satisfaction in that.

“You like to manipulate people, don’t you? Using their fears and doubts to bend them around your fingers? I’ve seen it all in the few minutes I’ve known you. You do it with your classmates and even your two friends, if they’re even that to you. It makes you feel powerful when you expose their weaknesses like that, and you know just how to make your words cut right into their souls.

“Call me crazy, but why would I ever want to be friends with someone like that? Now if you’ll finally excuse me.”

I can feel the Dazzlings glowering at me as I walk out the door to the school courtyard, and it suddenly hit me that I’ve made some powerful enemies. But really, I don’t care what rumors they spread about me or what angle they try. Since when have I cared what anyone else thinks of me anyway?

As long as they don’t learn about that one incident, I’m fine. But that was a long time ago. I’m pretty sure I’m safe.

Still…

No. No I shouldn’t worry about that now. I’ve got a meaty lunch to eat.





So apparently they allow students to eat their lunches outside at this school. That’s neat, but it causes one little problem for me.

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, uh… nope. Dang it! There’s nowhere to sit!"

It’s noon, the sun is beating down on me like the great eye of the fire-god, and I can’t find even one shady spot to sit! All the nice shady trees are off the school grounds, or have been taken by some hippie guitar player.

I’ve been wandering for like fifteen minutes now. At this point I should just give up on finding that tree and just head back in. I could eat my (now cold) lunch next to my locker or something… if only I knew where that was.

That...might be a problem.

I take off my backpack pull out my class schedule (This scrap of paper is quickly becoming my lifeline in the roiling ocean that is highschool). It says my class my locker number is B649. Judging by what I saw on the map, that should be near the gym.

I grin slightly as I see that Physical Education is my last period. I know most students would hate having PE for their last period, but not me. Because it’s my last period, that just means I can get to my locker faster at the end of the day. Which means I can get to the bus faster too. And that means I don't have to deal with all the students trying to push and shove their way past each other to get to the bus. Plus, I can get to the back set of the bus before someone else can take it!

It feels so good to win!

Geography and PE are all I have to get through today, and then I'm home free! I'm so happy about school being almost over with that I can almost ignore the fact that I have to eat a cold lunch...

*growl*

I put my hand onto my stomach as it cries out for food, and I can only look at the now cold burger on my tray in sadness.

Why couldn't those annoying divas leave me alone so I could eat my burger while it was still fresh. Sigh...I guess I'll go back inside to eat, maybe I can sneak back into the cafeteria Metal Gear style. If only my life where like a video game.

With that thought I give another sigh as I put away my schedule and head towards the nearest entrance.

But on my way I spot a nice secluded place. It’s near the back of the building and is secluded on three sides by the school’s outer walls. And right in the center of this haven is the tallest, shadiest tree I’ve seen all day.

“It’s beautiful.” I whisper and wipe a tear from my eye.

Then I see there’s someone sitting on the other side and groan at my bad luck. The trunk of the tree was thick enough to hide them from view.

Still… I might be able to sit on the other side of the tree. If I’m really quiet they won’t know I’m there.

I put my ninja skills to work and creep over, ever so carefully lowering myself to the grass and sitting back against the smooth bark of the tree.  

Stealth operation successful.

*Sob*

I go stiff when I hear the sound of someone crying. Then I realize it’s the person on the other side of the tree.

My blood goes cold. Do they know I’m here? Are they crying because I snuck into their special spot?!

Maybe I should get out of here before they see my face. I'm already getting blamed for one girl crying, I don't need to be blamed for another!

"Wh- why does everyone make fun of me?" I hear a girl’s voice cry. "Just..just because my eyes are strange does...doesn't mean I'm a...freak."

Oh. They’re not crying because of me. This girl’s just sad because everyone teases her about her eyes.

What a relief.

…

Wait. No that’s horrible!

But it’s not my problem.

But she also sounds really sad.

*Sad girl noises*

Groaning to myself, I scooch around the trunk of the tree until the girl comes into view. She doesn’t seem to have noticed me yet.

“Uh… hey.”

I honestly can’t tell why she’s being made fun of. With her regular blonde hair and only slightly grey skin, she looks more normal than most of the people I’ve met here. I guess it really was something to do with her eye- eeeeess.

Okay...wow.

She looks up at me and her eyes are pointing in two separate directions. I don’t think either one is looking straight at me.

She starts tearing up, and I realize the kind of face I’m making right now.

“Are you here to tease me too?” she asks.

“Uh, no. I was just wondering if I could sit her and eat lunch.”

She looks at me for a moment before sighing and saying, 

“That’s fine I suppose.”

“Cool.” I sit back and reach for my stone cold burger. Before I can bring myself to take a bite though, I look back at the girl sitting next to me. She’s stopped crying, so that’s a plus. Still looks sad though.

“This is a pretty neat place.” I comment.

She looks up at me for a moment, but goes back to hugging her legs before speaking. “Yeah. I come here during lunch because it’s quiet, and no one can find me.” she says sadly.

“Well what do you know, that’s why I came here too.” I say and finally take a bite of my burger. It’s like biting into a damp, meat-flavored sponge at this point.

“Do people make fun of you too?” the girl asks.

“Hrm? Nawr.” I say around a mouthful of meat and bread. “I just like being alone. Plus I’m kinda the new guy at this school, so that means everyone wants to talk to me for some reason.”

We just sit in silence for some time. I’m barely halfway through my burger when the bell rings.

“I guess that means next period is starting. I’ll see you around okay?” I say to the girl as we get up.

“Y-you mean you want to see me again?” she asks hopefully.

Not really what I meant but… “Yeah. Sure. I’ll be here tomorrow if that’s cool with you.”

Suddenly my personal space in impeded upon as she wraps me in a spine-crushing hug. “Of course! Thank you so much. You’re the first person who hasn’t thought I was weird because of my eyes. I’m Ditzy by the way.” She says, finally releasing me.

At first I wonder why she called herself a ditz, but then I realize that’s probably her name. I’ve certainly heard stranger at this place.

“Michael.” I croak out as my ribs recover. “Anime, manga and video game extraordinaire.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m glad to have a friend like you.” she says and walks back into the school.

“We’re not-“ I try to correct her, but the door slamming cuts off the rest.

I can't help giving my trademark sigh of annoyance and start to head into the building myself. As I do, I notice the other students giving me some weird looks. Only now instead of glaring at me, they’re giving me looks of… something else. When they notice me staring back they turn away and talk in hushed whispers among each other. 

I swear I will never understand the students at this school. Whatever happened to just leaving the one new kid alone.

Knowing that next period will be starting in mere minutes I hastily shove what’s left of my lunch into my into my mouth and head back to the lunchroom. Gotta remember to drop off my lunch tray before I head to class.

"ERMWURRSDS*"





With surprisingly few problems, I manage to make it to geography class, led by a Mister Disco R. D. (at least if his nameplate on the door is correct.)

However, just as I’m about to walk into class, my heightened nerd senses kick in and I notice the door is ever so slightly ajar.

Frowning, I push it open and walk in anyway. As I do I hear an unmistakable scraping, sloshing sound from right above my head, and immediately I side-step while delivering a lightning-quick deflecting swat that would make a Shaolin monk proud. My hand hurts from hitting solid metal, but that nasty bucket of water is sent flying away, showering its contents across the floor.

“Hi-YAH!” I shout as I recover into a badass-looking martial-arts pose. “You really thought you’d get me with something cliché and elementary as that? HAH! I live and breathe high-school manga! You cannot even conceive of the power I wield!”

I look up from my rant to see the whole classroom staring at me, wide-eyed and in shock, even the teacher… especially the teacher.

Mr. Disco is a middle-aged, partially balding man with wild eyes and an outfit of multiple mis-matched pieces of attire. But what draws my focus is the plastic air cannon he’s pointing at me.

“Oh…” he begins awkwardly. “You’re not Principal Celestia. That bucket of chocolate milk was meant for her.”

Chocolate wha-

Oh.

I just realized that bucket I avoided wasn’t full of water, but thick, sticky, syrupy chocolate dairy product. Gross!

“That just begs the question I suppose, who are you exactly?” Mr. Disco hikes a curious brow.

“Uh, Michael Bacon… the new guy.” I answer. “This isn’t going to be a common occurrence, is it?” I say, gesturing to the chocolate milk spreading into a growing pool on the floor tiles.

“Oh I don’t know,” he waves his hand nonchalantly, “maybe some days, maybe not; I like to add a bit of randomness to my classes to keep them from getting dull. That being said, WELCOME!”

With that he fires his air cannon point blank into my face, and I find myself covered in chicken feathers.





*RING*

The rest of Geography class passed in kind of a blur. Mr. Disco was having us watch a video while he mysteriously disappeared for the duration. Something about that guy just rubs me the wrong way. The people I’ve met here all have their little irksome quirks, but him..? It’s like he’s on a whole different level of crazy.

On the other hand, he didn’t leave us with any homework for the day, so that’s nice. In fact, he didn’t even tell us to fill out a question and answer sheet or anything. So I did the logical thing and spent the whole period reading my manga.

It was hard considering I was seated next to Rainbow, who was constantly chortling at my still feathered form, but I managed to shut her up by throwing some of it her way.

Or maybe we got into a feather fight that lasted half the period.

Whatever. I’m looking forward to this afternoon.

Speaking of which, I only have one more period left before I can get out of this saccharine nightmare of a school and back to the homey seclusion of my home. There’s only one thing standing in my way… the dread of any out-of-shape teen, and the personal bane of my existence: Phys Ed.

But since Idon’tLikeExorcise-itis isn’t a “real sickness” and can’t get me excused, I have no choice.

I have to stay positive! Now is the time for heroes and legends to be born. Now is the time for victory or death! Now… is the time for me to exercise against my will and be harshly judged on my lackluster athletic ability.

...

Okay, might not sound too good but if it gets me closer to home, it’s fine by me.

"ONWARD!!!"





So… back when I said I had to stay positive…

Well I’m positive that my mother got in contact with some world-governing deity. I’m also positive that they hit it off real good one day, sat down to tea, and proceeded to plan out how to make my life a miserable pile of garbage!

Finally I'm positive that I’m completely doomed.

Not only is my gym teacher the coach of the school football team, but she's also ex-military. No joke! If the locker-room chatter is accurate in these parts, she used to be a literal drill sergeant that ran some boot camp just outside town, where they train freaking jet pilots! She is literally the embodiment of all things nerds fear when they have a gym teacher.

"SARGENT ON DECK!" everyone shouts and snaps a salute as she walks out, and I hastily attempt to match them.

I think I whimpered a little when her eyes passed over me, her scrutinizing eyes of doom partially hidden behind pitch-black panes of glass.

As we all lined up, I knew I stood out.

Everyone in the entire class is ripped. Shredded even! I'm not talking about good-looking, naturally muscles that develop over years of a moderate fitness routine. I'm talking full-blown body-builder muscles that make their skin ripple when the flex! That’s some mutant super-power stuff right there! One guy is so ripped, his wrist is thicker than my neck!

You might think I’m exaggerating, and I might be… a little. But it’s just to point out how much of a beanpole I am compared to the rest of my class!

Ms. Spitfire started calling out names and had us line up, and since my last name is Bacon, I was sadly near the very front of the line.

As soon as she got to me I sucked in my chest, straightened my shoulders, and tried to look as buff as possible. It's not that I don't understand how important it is to stay fit, I just don't care enough to do it. Video games, manga, and anime are all I need in my life, thank you very much. So I hoped I could convince her at a glance not to single me out and make me work harder.

I held my breath as she passed by me in the lineup. I couldn’t tell if she glanced my way or not thanks to her shades, but she kept walking down the line, checking off student’s names on her clipboard.

My relief was not to last though, because as soon as she finished she marched right back to me. I think I almost wet myself when she started sizing me up, and I’m not at all ashamed to admit it.

"Mr...Bacon, correct?"

I nod my head before saying,

"That's me ma’am."

“You’re the newbie here huh?”

“I guess so ma’am.”

Spitfire’s head remains completely still as she looks over a page of her clipboard, and yet I swear I saw a sheen of light flicker across her aviators. I shivered as she peered up at me over the rims.

How strange is it to be terrified of a woman a head shorter than you?

"According to records from your last school, your lowest grade was physical education, just barely enough to pass.” she says in a mildly accusatory tone. “And apparently when your teacher questioned your lackluster performance, you said, and I quote, ‘Because I could care less about working out. I'm a gamer, not an athlete.’ and proceeded to lay flat on your back, reading comic books. Is this all true?"

I felt all eyes on me as my entire class looked at me in a mix of anger, shame, or genuine concern for my life.

“Well?!” Spitfire demands, giving me a glare that could melt solid steel.

Well, I said I was lazy before didn't I? But if nothing else, I’m a man of principles. The cat’s already out of the bag, so I might as well stick to my guns.

Heck, if it goes well, she’ll just decide that I’m a lost cause. 

"I did say that, and I'm sticking by it.” I told her in the most earnest tone I could muster. “Working out just doesn't interest me in the slightest. Being physically fit is a low priority on my list, and as long as I can manage a passing grade somehow, that’s good enough for me. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm lazy and I'm proud!"

Ms. Spitfire gave me the blankest of blank stares, as did the rest of the class. I’d begun to think I made her blue-screen, until she started to...laugh?

Laughing! Laughing is good, right? I was expecting angry outburst like hell had been unleashed on the mortal world. But laughing... I was not expecting that.

I nervously let out a few chuckles of my own. "Uh... so does this mean you understand my inadequate motivation and will allow me to do the bare minimum required in your class?”

Ms. Spitfire wiped a tear from her eye and gave me a warm, sincere smile.

“HELL NO!”

Her outburst alone nearly toppled me.

"Listen newbie, I don't know how they handled punks like you at your old school. But for us, fitness is serious business! In all the years I’ve taught at Canterlot High I’ve never let a single student pass with anything less than perfect marks.” she paced up and down the line, giving her inspiring speech to all of us, “The army gave me rules for how to live my life, rules that I wouldn’t be alive without. I’m going to drill them into every one of you.”

She stopped in front of me again. “And every time you try to refuse, deny, or talk your way out of what I’m trying to give you… I’m just going to give it to you all the harder.”

“That’s what she said!” called one of the other students.

“Damn straight.” Spitfire agreed, not taking her stare off me. “You’re going to be thanking me for this years down the line. NOW DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!"

She then proceeded to blow into her whistle so loud that it felt like my ears were breaking. I hit the ground and pushed for all I was worth.

I was exhausted by the time I got to five.





I have never been worked so hard in all my life.

Needless to say that class was torture for me and I am not looking forward to it in the future.

Anyway, now my back is sore, my arms and legs are sore, my...everything is sore and I can barely move without feeling something *pop*. It was a pain in the butt to get back into my regular cloths (Canterlot High’s got a uniform for gym. No personal clothes allowed. Something about flesh-colored yoga pants a few years back *shiver*). To make things worse, the rest of the class decided to slap me on the back super hard when we were heading back to the lockers, some sort of "Newbie initiation."

So here I am, sitting on a bench waiting for the bell to ring, dealing with the noise of school life around me. I’m too sore to lift my manga… or use my hands in general.

I’m so ready to go home, take a nice long shower, flop into bed, and just sleep. Come on Mister Schoolbell, sing your sweet song… end my torment!

*RING*

"Oh thank you!" I shout skyward, throwing my arms up only to regret it as pain flares through my outstretched limbs.

With that I proceed to painstaking get up and limp outside.

But as I get to the bus stop, board the bus and find a seat, and take out my manga to read as it takes me to my house where I can get ready to get inside to the calm, quiet shelter, I can’t help but think back on my first day at Canterlot High and wonder… Was it really as bad as I was making it out to be?

“Yeah.” I thought after barely a moment of pondering. “Yeah it really was.”





Even with the soreness in my body fading, and my strength slowly coming back to me, I couldn’t help but feel nervous the entire ride home.

‘Why?’ you may ask.

Pinkie. That’s why.

I could see her looking back at me the entire ride home. I cleverly buried my face in the next issue of my manga to stop her from seeing me looking back, hopefully turning her off even. But she wanted something from me. I just knew it!

I was relieved when I got off the bus to find she was nowhere in sight. If I’m lucky she just went home. If I’m lucky she’ll hold off on whatever she’s scheming until tomorrow. If I’m lucky, then maybe… just maybe she understands that I don't want to be friends, and she’ll leave me alone forever.

…

"Who am I kidding? With my luck, that's never going to happen."

Future dread and unwanted friendships aside, I walk into my humble home, only to realize I still need to get to unpacking. I’m still exhausted after PE today, and I really just want to flop into bed and sleep it off. The thought of lifting a bunch of heavy boxes makes me want to put it off until tomorrow… and the next day… and the next day… and the next day. But sadly, it has to be done.

Besides I can't really go to my room since it doesn't have any of my stuff in it yet.

With a heavy sigh I put my backpack down next to the door and begin to survey all the boxes once again. Grunting, I pick one up marked 'Kitchen' and begin to bring it towards...well, the kitchen as I talk to myself.

"Okay, just gonna take the boxes to each room they go to, put everything in the right place by label of contents, then unpack them as I go.”

Soon I put the box into the kitchen and begin to head back to the living room to grab the next box. With some speed, determination and any luck, I can have the essential half of this done within four hours or so.

"All in all, getting all these boxes unpacked shouldn't take me more than...three days. …Maybe four?"

I slouch slightly at that thought.

"Oh god this is gonna be torture." I say with a long sigh.

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

"Oh thank god a distraction!!"

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

I know it should be weird that someone is bothering to visit me, and I’m a bit nervous considering my standing with most everyone I know (being treated with either reverence or distain), but I'll take anything over doing so much work!

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

I mean, it needs to be done; I can't have all my stuff stay in boxes and plastic forever. It's just that it's so much work and ughhhh....

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

The fatigue of the job at hand was already getting to me.

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

In a strange parallel, the doorbell is also getting to me. Whoever’s at my door apparently doesn't know when to stop ringing the doorbell.

*Ding-Dong Bing-Bong*

"Alright alright I'm coming!” I rip the door open, “Jeez this better be important or I'll-"

I cut myself off mid-sentence. I do this because of the person standing in my doorway.

A certain perky pink girl.

A certain perky pink girl that I never wanted to lay eyes on ever again for as long as I live (okay that might be a little extreme, but still)!

"Hiya Michael! Are you ready for a super awesome spectacular after school hang out party?!"

I give her a deadpan glare before *Slam*-ing the door in her face, hoping she gets my subtle hint.

I turn on my heel to get back to unpacking. I have no intentions of leaving my home or going anywhere with her. I would rather do manual labor then go outside to 'hang-out' with anyone. Thank you very much, but no thank you very much.

With that I shall go back to lifting bo-

"You know it’s kinda rude to slam the door on your friend." Pinkie tells me.

"AH! WHAT THE HELL!" I recoil, finding Pinkie suddenly inside my house and right in front of my face. 

“I- Wha-But you were-“

I don't even-how did she-WHAT!

I run to the door and throw it open, only to find her standing there as well, telling me about how much fun we’re going to have at some party she’s throwing me.

“How!?”

I turn back to my living room and there she is, continuing her speech about punch and cake and streamers.

I look outside and THERE SHE IS!

Everywhere I look is Pinkie! And she’s still spewing her stream of words that are becoming less coherent by the second! It’s too much!

“-and then I said ‘oatmeal? Are you crazy?’ and… hey Michael. You’re not looking too good. You look like Twilight after she ate one of my raw-cake-batter cupcakes.”

“Yeah, just give me a second while I pass out from shock.” I say before proceeding to do just that.

The last thing I see is Pinkie’s face scrunched up in a worried expression. Then darkness.

Hello darkness, my old friend.

TOO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!
> Episode 3: Personal Space!!!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ugh...Did anyone get the license plate of that semi?

I slowly opened my eyes to see the ceiling of my soon-to-be bedroom staring back at me. Which is strange considering I remembered being in the living room before passing out.

What was I doing anyway before everything went dark in the first place? Let's see...I was starting to move my stuff to their proper rooms to unpack them later, then I realized how long it was going to take to actually do all that, then I think the doorbell rang?

As I was pondering this I slowly started to get up from my bed, which the movers had considerately set up. Good thing too because with my gamer body, I didn’t know how I was going to move it upstairs.

Okay so the doorbell rang, and I went to answer it. Who was at the door again?

It suddenly hit me like a wrecking ball in a bad music video just who was at my door. This realization caused me to jump out of bed and begin looking around in panic.

"Pinkie! Where is that demented sorceresses that somehow managed to clone herself?!"

I frantically looked all over my room in fear for the crazy pink girl and her clone, but to my relief I caught no sight of them.

"Okay, they’re not in my room…And I was just in bed, so was all of that just some sort of stress induced nightmare?"

The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Pinkie may be a bit...okay really weird but not even she could break the laws of science so easily.

There’s no way she could have cloned herself just to torture me! I mean unless she had some sort of magical pond that cloned whatever was reflected in its surface, but that only happens in the Twilight Zone, I reasoned. Yeah...that must have all just been a nightmare. Maybe I could use this as an excuse to do less in gym?

My fantasies about using stress induced nightmares as an excuse faded however when I noticed that there were a number of moving boxes in my room.

That's weird, last I'd checked I hadn't even gotten to the upstairs stuff yet. Heck I haven't moved anything yet! So why are-

*CRASH*

My thoughts were interrupted from a sudden crash from downstairs, as well as a familiar voice calling out,

"Watch it Pinkie! The guy may be a jerk but that doesn't mean we can trash his stuff!"

This was soon followed by another very familiar voice.

"Sorry Dashie! But you should see some of this cool stuff he has!"

Now you'd think that I would act rational when it comes to people being in my home without my knowledge, you know, hide in a closet and call the cops. But what you fail to realize is that they were messing with my stuff. Years of collecting nerdy merchandise and gaming supplies could be in danger if I didn't act fast.

My ‘stuff is in danger’ senses are tingling! MUST! SAVE! MEMORABILIA! With that thought I booked it out of my room and practically jumped down my staircase to stop my 'friend' from damaging any more goods. What I saw downstairs was both strange and unexpected...and slightly awesome I have to admit.

In the center of the room was that purple girl from school who was the closet manga freak. It looked like she was using one of my empty boxes as a stand and in the middle of giving orders. Off to the side were Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, both of which were wearing some of my past cosplay helmets from Comic Con. Pinkie was wearing a Darth Vader helmet while Rainbow was trying to squeeze her head into a Red Rescue Ranger helmet.

Now usually I would have been a little bit peeved at them for putting on my old stuff without my permission, which if you couldn't tell was rarely often, but even I can let some things pass. I mean there's getting mad for something deliberate, but then there’s times when things are just accidents. That being said, we all just sort of stared at each other for a decent couple of seconds before I cough into my hand to break the silence.

"Well, this wasn't what I expected. What are all of you doing in my house?" Instant regret came from speaking as the now helmetless Pinkie appeared almost instantaneously next to me with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh well you see after you passed out I got super duper worried so I called in my friends to help out! After we put you to bed I started to feel bad because I caused you to faint so I got an awesome idea to make it up to you! My friends and I decided to help you unpack and stuff!"

Personal space Pinkie! Personal space! I internally shouted as I slowly pushed away the hyper pink fluff girl, before giving doubtful looks towards Rainbow and the purple girl.

"Okay, how'd she rope you two into helping? We weren't exactly 'buddy buddy' at lunch, and I don't even know your name."

While the purple one just gave me a sheepish smile, Rainbow joined Pinkie in invading my personal space as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders while saying,

"Ah come on pal, what's a favor between two feather fighters? Besides you gotta get something for showing up those Dazzle jerks during lunch today."

After giving her a blank stare, I brushed her arm off my shoulder and scuttled to the other side of the room so that I could breathe without anyone in my face.

"First of all I highly doubt having a feather war during a boring documentary means you owe me anything, and secondly, no one owes me anything for telling off those Disco rejects. I just did what everyone else should have done."

"Well not really,” the Manga girl spoke up. “Practically every student is terrified of what the Dazzling's are capable of. No one really wants to stand up to them since they don't want to become the laughing stock of the whole school."

"Yeah! That and those meanie mean pants are always ganging up on everybody!” Pinkie add her two cents, invading my bubble once again. “They even popped my balloons during my welcome party for them! Can you believe that they would do such an evil thing as popping a balloon?!"

"Wow, truly they must be the vilest human beings on the planet,” I rolled my eyes, ignoring her tears.

"I know right?!" she declared, practically pressing her forehead into mine. In response, I pushed her face away, and continued talking to the purple girl.

"Look um-You, I've dealt with my fair share of bullies both in real life and online, and those three have nothing on any of them. If anything they should be the ones being bullied, I mean have you seen the ringleader’s hair? Is she going for a solar system look with planets Dopey and Grumpy orbiting her?”

While this got a giggle from Rainbow and Pinkie, Purple girl scowled at me.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle first of all, if you didn’t know you should have asked. But anyway aren't you worried that the Dazzling's might, I don't know, ruin your reputation or something!?"

Geeze, you'd think that it was her that mouthed off to them with how worried she is. Then again she does have that neurotic vibe about her, I thought with a raise of my brow.

"What reputation? This was literally my first day, and the only reason why no one leaves me alone is because I made her cry on accident,” I answered, pointing to Pinkie.

"Yeah Twi, Michael here isn't exactly the most popular guy at school,” Rainbow added. “Everyone pretty much glared at him the whole day from what I saw."

"Okay so his reputation is already...undesirable,” she punctuated in annoyance, her eye twitching. “But the Dazzling's will only make it worse! You said so yourself Michael, Aria knows how to make people feel bad. She once got a whole club disbanded just by mocking the president of it!"

I just rolled my eyes at that before I say stubbornly,

"Look I can’t care less about people who I don't know. In fact, I intend not to know them,” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “They can spread whatever rumors they want and do whatever clichéd bully trick they have, but I don't care. Unless they actively try and kill me then it’s no big deal." This declaration somehow made her eye twitch even faster somehow.

Okay you barely know me and I made one of your friends cry, remind me why you’re so worried about my reputation again?

Twilight closed her eyes, to help still the twitching I suppose and took a deep breath to try to calm down, but that went out the window when Pinkie spoke up again.

"Yeah Twilight, you don't need to worry about ol'Micheal here! I mean he stared down that meanie Sunset Shimmer and didn't even flinch!"

Dang it Pinkie! Why'd you blurt that out Twilight just calmed do-

"HE WHAT!?" Surprisingly not only did Twilight shout in shock but so did Rainbow, but while Twilight's was more of an aghast one, Rainbow’s seemed to be more in awe.

"Do you have any idea what you just did!?" Twilight shrieked, grabbing my shirt in both hands and shaking me.

"Yo, hey! Personal space!” I cried as I wriggled my shirt from her clutches, “And aside from awakening your inner monster that's a nervous wreck thank you Pinkie, I don’t know or care."

The eye twitching seemed to infect her other eye as she backed away from me and stood back up on her podium, and began to nervously pace somehow without stepping down. And while this did confuse me, I couldn’t think much on it before Rainbow pulled a Pinkie and was right in front of me.

"Dude, are you telling me that not only did you stick up to those Dazzle jerks, but also Sunset Shimmer!?"

"Look she was annoying me, so all I did was mock her for what I hoped to god isn't her natural hair color,” I admitted with a sigh. Before Rainbow had a chance to say anything Twilight snapped out of her little nervous pacing and exclaimed,

"That's it! You’re doomed! You just made yourself the enemy of two of the top tier bullies in the entire school! They’re gonna get you suspended! No, even worse they'll expel you for sure with enough rumors and false evidence!"

"Oh no, don't let them expel me from school,” I said sarcastically. “Truly my life will be over if I never have to go back to where I'm surrounded by people who I don't want to be near. Oh the horror." To that, a strange look came over Twilight. She looked at me as if I had just insulted her god, and had to purge the blasphemer from the face of the earth. It was this look that made me change my approach, lest I have to put her in my straight jacket to keep her from killing me.
...
...
...

What? A straight jacket is useful for a lot of situations so I bought one, sue me.

But yeah, with a sigh I begin to walk over to her while thinking,

Okay, if anime and TV have taught me anything, it’s that you need to comfort a panicky person before reasoning with them. Hopefully this works.

And so I reluctantly placed my hand on her shoulder to try and calm her down.

"Look there’s no need to be upset. You barely know me and you’re getting so worked up about my problem when it’s not needed. So how about you take a few deep breathes and stop worrying about little ‘ol me, okay?" I was honestly surprised when she actually nodded her head and proceeded to do just that.

Oh sweet that worked! I smiled and took my hand off of her. And those self-help books Mom forced me to read said not to do this, ha! In your face you brainwashing stack of meaningless words!

While I was celebrating my win over those annoying over-worded and over-rated self-help books, Twilight finally managed to calm down.

"Like I said I can deal with those idiots. No matter what they do I'll just ignore it and go about my day to. You should to or I'm afraid you might have a mental breakdown,” I replied smugly.

And I do not need to be blamed for that thank you very much!

I then noticed the other two girls giving me smug looks of their own.

"What's with the smiles?" I asked in confusion.

"Weeeelllllll,” Pinkie answered while Rainbow’s smirk grew, “for someone who claims to not want any friends you sure seem to be good at doing friendly things!"

My eyes widened at her accusation, so I quickly tried to dial it back with a scoff.

"I-I was just stopping your friend from having a mental breakdown in my house! I do not need my neighbors thinking I'm psychotic if she goes crazy in here!"

"Suuuurrreeee...,” both Pinkie and Rainbow said mockingly as they both shared a look.

Huffing in annoyance I crossed my arms and declared

"Usually I would be shoving you all out the front door since I didn't invite any of you in. But considering I'm very lazy and don't want to do all this work by myself I'll let you stay. Keep in mind I will kick you all out if one of you even tries to take one of my babie-I mean consoles. Understand?"

And like that the three girls nodded their heads and resumed getting back to…whatever system they’d devised that they called work, with Twilight barking orders and the Pinkie and Rainbow following her whims.

Should I feel ashamed that I'm letting three girls do manual labor?

*CRASH*

“Whoops, sorry about that bro,” Rainbow apologized picking up whatever it is she had broken.

...Nah!
> Episode 4: Take a Hint Rainbow!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow, someway we managed to clear out most of my packages and put them into the rooms they belong in, and I'm seriously at a loss for words on just exactly how that's possible. I mean, by myself this would have taken a long time sure, even without taking my laziness into account, yet somehow three home invading girls managed to clear out weeks of work in only a few hours.

"Welp that's done, thank God,” I sighed, swabbing my brow. “Now I just actually have to unpack everything which should only take...a few more hours," my shoulders dropped in disappointment at that. "Ugh my precious game time, where have you gone?"

*SNORT*

"Yeah yeah laugh it up, but your laughter just means you don't understand how important keeping a gaming schedule is!" I chided with a roll of my eyes.

"Sure dude, whatever you say,” Rainbow hand waved. “Keep talking about making schedules and all that and I might just start calling you Twilight 2.0."

"Hey!" I and the closet manga fan exclaimed, which only served to make Rainbow clutch her stomach as she fell into a pit of laughter. My glare only seemed to worsen at the laughter, so I let it go with a sigh.

"Whatever. Now I am not a man without a sense of hospitality-"

"Really?"

Just ignore her Bacon, remember a troll's greatest weakness, ignore them and they'll slowly wither away.

"So I will thank you all for helping me move my stuff. I'll admit it would have taken a lot longer if you all didn't force your way in to help, so tha-urk!"

"Awwwww I knew you were a good guy! Anyone with a food for a last name has to be nice!"

"Pin...kie...can't...breath!" I struggled to breathe as Pinkie’s surprise hug knocked all the wind out of me.

"Ehehehe, sorry about that,” she chuckled and let go at the sight of my blue face.

Oh sweat glorious air! Never leave me again!

"Never...again..." I gasped, which caused Pinkie to scratch the back of her head nervously.

Rolling my eyes for what feels like the fifth time I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Well I've said my thanks and all that soooo....get out." To emphasize my demand I made a gesture for them to vacate. However, apparently no one told them that when the host tells you to leave you should listen to them.

"I don't know...shouldn't we stay and help you actually unpack everything? I mean all we really did was help you move the boxes..." Twilight trailed off, looking at all the neatly stacked boxes.

"Look I appreciate the help and all but it's getting late and I have some gaming to do,” I replied bluntly. “Besides you guys kind of broke in here without my permission and all so…” I gestured towards the open doorway again.

"Geeze dude, do you have to be so pushy?” Rainbow huffed. “I mean we did just help you."

"Yes and I am forever grateful for it. But seriously it’s already nightfall and I have about," I checked my watch, "three hours before I have to clock out. So please leave?"

At this point I was at the end of my rope. My patience, thin as it may be, was about to snap, and if it did, I was fully prepared to act like Brock Samson (with less muscles of course) and forcefully remove them from my home.

...

What? Guy's gotta have contingency plans if he wants to live a nice, annoyance free life after all. Ironically though, my plea did solve the problem as it got through to the source of all my problems.

"Okie Dokie Lokie! Come on girls!"

"Wha-"

"Pinkie!"

*Woosh**Slam*

Wha-What just happened! I looked around in confusion at my now empty living room. One minute Pinkie's standing off to the side, and the next she and her friends are gone! And...and is that a freaking pink dust cloud of her after image!?

I could only stare at the slowly disappearing dust cloud for so long before giving out the biggest sigh I honestly think I've ever had as all my mental fortitude went out the window.

"You know what? No, just...no. I can't believe I'm actually about to say this but, screw video games I'm going to bed!"

With that said I went to my room and plopped down onto my bed with only one last thought before falling asleep.

Why do I get the feeling Pinkie's sudden exit isn't a good thing?






THE NEXT DAY, AT SCHOOL


I knew this day wasn't going to be a good one when Pinkie didn't bug me at all on the bus. I knew it was going to be a bad day when some of the students were still giving me the stink eye and others were whispering with each other when I walked by them. But I think finding my locker door slightly ajar was the final nail in the coffin for me.

Yep, it’s gonna be another one of those days huh? Condiment Head sure works fast.

And to appease any optimists, on the bright side, my bus dropped me off with fifteen minutes to spare before homeroom, so small victories I guess.

Anyway, the reason I suspected Sunset right off the bat, was because it fit her bully type. I had pegged her as the hands on type, you know, the ones who get tough and aren’t afraid to physically do their dirty work. The Dazzling’s were more in the rumor mill category, so it didn’t fit their type, although the stares from the other students proved they weren’t inactive.

So Sunset’s done something obscene with my locker, and the Power Trio have already started buzzing about me. Real original, I sighed in frustration. I would of course ignore the rumors, because it would all be false info. I seriously doubted they knew anything about that event, or had the resources to even find out about it, so I focused on the immediate threat.

Cupping my chin in thought I studied the slightly ajar locker as my fellow students all either gave me weird looks or walked past me.

Let's see, nothing appears to be leaking, and the door’s open so that rules out a mud or compost fall trap. Don't hear any ticking so that rules out a time bomb or a cupcake batter explosion (long story). Hmm…Maybe there’s some sort of trip wire or something with an air horn attached to it? Nah, unless she’s around recording that wouldn’t w-GAH!

A sudden slap to my back sent me sprawling forward, and I only just managed to avoid my rigged locker.

"Hey dude! Looks like we're locker neighbors huh?" came a familiar voice.

Oh come on! What sick joke is this Universe? I groaned as the cruel irony presented itself to me.

"Uh, earth to Michael? I know sharing a locker space with me must be pretty awesome, but I don't think it should leave you speechless." Sighing, I gave into the inevitable and faced the prismatic home invader.

"Yep Rainbow, your awesomeness was so awesome it left me speechless,” I responded sarcastically. “Truly you are far too awesome to be my neighbor, so maybe it would be for the best if I got another one…like right now, at this very moment.”

"Nah dude, I'm sure after a while you'll be used to it, though it will take some time,” she said as all my sarcasm went over her Skittle colored head.

Pinching my nose ridge in agitation, I responded,

"Yeah, you’re right. So why don’t you help me speed that process along and not talk to me while I try to figure this out?” And with that, I turned back to face my booby trapped locker.

What can I say, sometimes you gotta be blunt to get people to leave you alone. Acting like a jerk usually helps get the point across. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash is the kind of person who can’t take a freaking hint.

"So what are you trying to figure out anyway? You've been staring at your locker like it’s gonna explode or something.”

Sighing to myself at the athlete’s obliviousness, I gestured to said locker.

"If you must know Rainbow, I'm pretty sure Condiment Head booby-trapped my locker somehow. I've been trying to figure out how so I can disarm it...or call in a bomb squad. One of the two really, I don't really know her MO yet so for all I know the mother of all stink bombs is in there."

"Condiment Head?"

Of all the things I just said, it’s the nickname you question!? I groaned.

After I explained Sunset’s new moniker, Rainbow gave my locker a confused glance, before she looked back at me and started to laugh like I’d just told her the funniest joke in the world.

"You really enjoy laughing at my expense don't you Rainbow?" I deadpanned, not finding the idea of releasing an atom bomb sized cloud of fart gas directly into my face at all funny.

"I-I'm sorry dude but the way you said that with such a straight face its just-pfff-priceless!" she hiccupped and wiped away a few fake tears.

Rolling my eyes at Rainbow's antics I turn back to my locker and mumble out,

"Yeah yeah yeah,” I rolled my eyes again before turning back to the threat. “Now can you please buzz off and let me figure this out? You’re messing up my train of thought, and I need to figure out my plan of action so that I don’t end up covered in something smelling like a Walking Dead extra during an outdoor shoot."

"Here man, if you’re so bugged out about it I'll open it for you,” she responded and immediately reached out a hand and grabbed the door.

“NO! You freaking idiot don’t!” I cried out as I raised my hands to defend myself from whatever hell she was about to release. I heard the metallic hinges groan and I braced myself, but nothing struck me and there was no sound of explosions.

*Sniff sniff* I tentatively used my last defensive sense, but there was nothing pungent either.

Well I don't smell like a corpse yet, and it’s still quiet so…

Slowly lowering my arms and opening my eyes I saw Rainbow standing in front of me holding out a pink envelope with my empty locker behind her.

"Looks like you were panicking over nothing man. It’s just an envelope," she said with a smirk.

Cautiously taking the envelope from her I gave it a once over. It seemed like an everyday pink envelope but…

"Trust me Rainbow, an envelope can be just as dangerous. Haven’t you ever seen NCIS?"

Ignoring the look of confusion at my reference I held the envelope at arm’s length and slowly opened it.

I really hope I don't pull a Dinozzo, I don't want to take my chances with a 15% survival rate thank you very much!

Thankfully no deadly virus or anthrax fell out of the envelope, but instead confetti, streamers, and I think even some cake bits popped out of it. Harmless really, but because I was already being defensive, I reacted accordingly and spastically threw the envelope away from me.

While I panted in surprise, Rainbow began cackling like mad again.

“You were right Mike, *snort* It’s super deadly confetti, oh the horror,” she mocked. With my ears burning red with embarrassment, I picked the stupid piece of paper back up and read it.

Yeah yeah, laugh it up…Let's see, ‘You are hereby invited to Pinkie's 'New Student Appreciation Day' party to be held on blah blah blah...

Raising my eyebrow I shot Rainbow a look before asking,

"Please tell me this isn't Pinkie's attempt to get the school to like me?"

Rainbow, for once, just offered me a shrug before saying,

"Say what you want about Pinkie, but she always goes above and beyond to try and have everyone get along. Especially her friends."

"Okay I can believe that, really I can, but I'm not her frie-"

Before I can even finish my sentence Rainbow once again invaded my personal space and slugged me on the shoulder. Hard.

“OW! What was that for?” I bellowed.

“That’s for calling me an idiot earlier,” she said with a slight scowl. “Now we’re even.”

“How is that even? I didn’t even hit you, and you were jumping the gun on a possibly dangerous situ-“

“Yeah whatever Mikey, now that that’s out of the way come on,” she declared as she grabbed my arm and started dragging me.

“Hey! Let me go!”

“You were staring at your locker for like 10 minutes, do you wanna be late?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then hurry up!” she ordered. “You and I both have Ms. Harshwhinny right now and she’s a stickler for the rules.”

I struggled against her grip, but considering she actually works out and I don't the attempt is futile. That doesn't mean I'm letting her take me quietly!

"Hey stop dragging me will ya?! I got two perfectly good legs!” I grumbled and struggled, but it was no use. She was built like an athlete, and I had a gamer bod. That didn’t mean I would go quietly though.

“Dang it Rainbow let me go already! And how did you know my class schedule?! Rainbow?! Stop ignoring me! RAINBOW!"

It went as well as you expected.





*Brinnnnnnnnngggggggg*

I don't think I've ever met a person whose name can so accurately describe them. Ms. Harshwhinny has got to be the harshest, and I mean harshest teacher I've ever had! The lady has absolutely no chill at all.

We were late by one minute, partially my fault because I may have tried to go boneless in an attempt to make Rainbow let go of me, but those were desperate times. Suffice to say, Rainbow wasn’t happy, and the lady had us both do a three page essay about proper time management skills that was due at the end of the week!

And to make matters worse, she chewed us both out in front of the whole class, apparently believing that the ‘silent punishment’ angle was too merciful.

I don't usually get embarrassed unless its people I care about witnessing something like that, but there's something about a teacher doing it that just make me want to crawl into a corner and die.

But thankfully class went by fast after that, and I managed to ditch Dash in the crowded hallway.

I wouldn’t have been late if you’d just let me walk Rainbow, I grumbled as I walked to my next class. Thankfully her antics hadn’t caused me to lose my backpack, so I still had my schedule.

"Let's see…History with Doctor Professor Whooves? What does this guy have two doctorates or something. Oh well...ONWARD!"

I may have had a rough start, but my next class wouldn’t have Rainbow Dash, so I thought the future would be brighter. Sadly…

Why can't I ever catch a break? It’s only my second day and I have to deal with this?!

What is this dreadful thing I'm talking about you ask. Well, guess what I walked into when I got to my class?

Two beings of pure evil fighting over who can control the world? Nope. The principal and vice principal fighting a being of chaos bent on world domination? Nope. The classroom being condemned and therefore being canceled? I wish, but sadly no.

No, what I saw was far worse. I saw...Condiment Head in one corner of the room, and Twilight in the other, and when I entered both of their eyes snapped towards. Now Twilight I could handle. She may have been a home invading neurotic mess, but she was a fellow manga fan, even if she was in denial. Shimmer on the other hand, well, the evil smirk she sent my way summed it all up. And to add the cherry on the cake, she began walking towards me full of confidence.

Welp, better get my Food Wars references ready because this can only end well...

…

…

…

I meant Food Wars references in relation to her hair. You know, because it was like food toppings and stuff? Not that I wanted her clothes to randomly fly off and for her to climax from just eating fo- OH You Know What I Meant!
> Episode 5: The Return of Condiment Head!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just had to be early to class didn't I? I couldn't have just been 1 minute before the bell like everyone else for once, nooo I had to be early trying to make some manga time!

I know I told Twilight I could handle whatever Sunset could send my way, and I still could. The physical bullies are always the easiest to deal with since they mostly try to act tough. You just ignore them and they'll leave you alone after awhile.

So Sunset herself wasn’t exactly a huge problem, I was just more annoyed that it was only the second day of school and I had to deal with her stupid attempts right after getting in trouble with Ms. Harshwhinny when all I wanted to do was read.

"Well well well, if it isn't the school’s newest pariah. I should have known I would have you in one of my classes."

Really? Are you kidding me? You go for something as clichéd as the 'well well well' villain intro? I'm sorry but you’re supposed to be a top tier bully right?

"Wh-what!? What's with the look you little pest!?" she asked in response to my annoyed look.

Ignoring her I just walked past her and took a seat in the middle of the back row. I would have gone for one of the back corners, but Sunset had claimed the one on the left and Twilight the one on the right.

Weird, I figured Twilight would be the kind to sit at the front. Wait a minute, I suddenly panicked, What if this teacher already assigned seats? That could explain why she's all the way in the bac-

*Slam*

"I wasn't done talking to you,” Sunset emphasized after slamming her palms on my desk.

"Really Condiment Head, that's the best you can do? Slam my desk real hard and say such a clichéd line? What are you a Saturday morning cartoon villain?” I asked in monotone, completely ignoring her attempts to act tough.

To this, she actually growled at me. And when I say growl, I mean it, with bared teeth and all like a freaking animal. I gotta give her points for that, because it actually did surprise me

"Do not call me that! My name is Sunset Shimmer, and I'd advise you remember that before you make me really angry."

"What happens then? You turn green and smash the place? I wouldn’t mind seeing that," I mocked as I got out my text books.

That generated some chuckles from the not so subtle eavesdroppers that had been watching since Shimmer walked up to me. Twilight of course was one of them, and all the others were doing a piss poor job of trying to hide the fact they were watching.

Seriously Twilight? Sticking your head into a textbook while leaning super close to us? And what's that hippie looking guy doing hiding behind a potted plant of all things? Amateur hour I swear, I rolled my eyes at their “stealthiness.” I could gleam an argument from across the room when I was 10 and make it look like I was reading.

Turning my attention back to Sunset she managed to regain her composure and was no longer baring her fangs.

Another point for ya Shimmy, keeping calm is a key point in being a physical type bully after all.

"Look, unless you want me to start spilling your little secret for everybody here then you best start showing me some respect, got it?"

Now that caught my attention, not because she was going to start spewing whatever false information the Dazzlings’ cooked up, but more so that she bothered to bring it up in the first place.

A physical and rumor mill bully hybrid, that's new! Gotta admit I'm a bit impressed Sunset, you manage to pull two stereotypes in one!

I let out a chuckle at my mental jab at Sunset, which seems wasn't the best option with this new bully hybrid.

"And what's so funny? You think I won’t?” she asked with hands on hips.

Being the ever blunt person I am I said,

"No, no, I believe you would. I was just laughing at how you honestly think I care about what any of these people think about me,” I said bluntly, straight and to the point. “Look at ‘em all eavesdropping and not doing a damn thing. They already don’t care about me, so why should I care what they think? Go ahead and hit me with your best shot, see what I care.”

Sunset actually looked shocked that I said that, which isn't really that surprising considering how submissive these students were to their bullies. Still, from how I spoke, she acted as though I was the first to speak up to her like that. A couple of the eavesdroppers even gasped and some looked guilty over my calling them out, which made me mentally chuckle.

"You know what fine, if you don't care then I might as well tell everyone here your dirty little secret."

"Please do,” I said as I opened up my manga and looked at the pages. “I bet these gossipers are dying to know.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Sunset smirk evilly, like an actual super villain would.

I was only joking about that. Does she actually think that works?

"Alright fine,” she said in determination. “I heard the reason you moved was because you beat down some guy pretty viciously over a dumb video game. Not so high and mighty as you like to appear huh?"

Cue collective gasp in 3,2,-

*Gasp*

Ah, I love being right when timing things.

I put down my book and turned to face Sunset who wore a victorious smirk. A part of me didn’t even want to bother correcting Sunset’s little rumor because it would make everyone leave me the hell alone 24/7. A bigger part of me though knew that being known as the quiet psychopath that would kick your ass over menial things wasn’t good either.

The last thing I need is Mom hearing that and nagging me about being a delinquent or something, I reasoned. With a tired sigh I looked Sunset right in her eyes and responded,

“I don’t know, I’m sure that when you see some jerkass steal a game from a crying little kid you'll just let them walk on by. I on the other hand am not you so..."

*Gasp*

"Wha-what!” Sunset’s eyes widened in surprise at my ploy. “That didn't happen. There's no way that's what happened!"

“Well you would know since you were there…Oh right, no you weren’t. I was,” I mocked. “I was pretty sure the dude robbed the kid and I reacted. And really, whoever you heard that from is exaggerating, I didn’t beat the guy down, I just kicked him where the sun don’t shine and he crumpled.”

A few male groans responded to that, and Shimmer took the bait.

“No you didn’t! I know for a fact that’s not true” she insisted.

Hook. Line. and Sinker

"Oh really? I don’t remember you being there,” I joshed.

"You weren’t there either!”

“Why? Because you made it up?”

“Yes you stupid-“

*Gasp*

I couldn't help but chuckle as Sunset’s enraged expression slowly morphed into one of embarrassment at her little scheme being undone. Of course me being me I couldn't resist adding salt to the wound.

“And that, you nosey spectators, is what salty ketchup and mustard looks like,” I gestured towards her face. Sure enough, her embarrassment turned to rage, and her yellow face became beet red.

*Bringggggggggggggg*

The bell went off, and my fellow students began shuffling to their seats lest they earn the wrath of the teacher, and Sunset sent me one last glare before saying,

"This isn't over. Mark my words I will make you crack!"

You are just full of clichés aren't you Condiment Head? Maybe I should come up with a new nickname to match your wannabe villainisms.

And with that I went back to reading my manga hidden in my textbook and ignoring the world around me, especially the prying eyes of one Twilight Sparkle.





*Bringggggggggggg*

So our teacher never showed up, and according to the sub it was due to some experiment gone wrong at his place or something. Personally I don't think anyone doing private experiments at home that can keep you from doing your job should be doing said experiments but what do I know? The last job I had ended with a huge bonfire of the stores merchandise.

Ahh....good times.

Anyway since the actual teacher never showed up the substitute just told us to do whatever we wanted till the period was over with. Now I'm not one to usually complain about not having to do any work at school, in fact I quite welcome doing nothing but reading manga for a solid 48 minutes. But I also have to point out that having this happen on the second day of school doesn't seem like the best school policy. But hey I'm not the one in charge so whatever.

Sunset did try to bug me pretty much the entire period, but the power of manga can drown out all annoyances, even brightly colored red and yellow haired ones! I did damage her school image slightly so I guess that makes sense why she was so dead set, but at some point you should just take a hint.

Once the period was over, I bookmarked my story, and avoided Sunset in the ensuing crowd.

Now to just get through my next two classes and I'm home free to lunch, and this time I shall eat warm burger me-!

"Wait, Michael!" Twilight’s sudden call almost made me trip and I stumbled. Hearing her nearing I contemplated making a run for it, but there wasn’t any room with everyone in the way. The last thing I was gonna do was push through the crowd and risk running into a jock who was more aggressive off the field than on again.

Man that was a sucky month. Can still feel my jaw tingle when I see a varsity jacket.

Shaking my head, I accepted my fate and turned to the home invader. When she finally caught up with me, I started walking again, with her by my side.

"What do you need Twilight? And if you’re about to go on another tangent about how I handle bullies then don't even bother, trying to change my opinion is like trying to listen to Russell Crowe's singing on repeat; Impossible and highly aggravating."

Twilight just gave me a confused look at my clever reference as it clearly sailed over her head.

"Oh no no no no, I may not think what you’re doing is the best for you, but I can't just force you to change. I have a rather more...um embarrassing question."

Red flag red flag! Abort and leave for a later awkward situation!

For once ignoring my mind's justifiable advice to get out of dodge I instead asked,

"And you want to ask the guy you've known for, oh, about a day who keeps telling you to leave him alone?" Twilight's cheeks reddened at my response, but she continued.

"I know how it sounds, but I was just curious about that piece of literature you were reading during the free period."

"Literature?” I raised my eyebrow at the phrasing, “Are you talking about my ma-"

"Shhhhhhh! Do you want the teachers to know I'm interested in such un-educational material!?"

I just gave Twilight a deadpanned glare as I removed her hand from my mouth.

"First of all, don't do that. I've seen far too many rom-coms to know that stuff like that is how misunderstandings happen." Ignoring Twilight's embarrassed blush I continued, "Plus I don’t need to get sick on my first week of school. Secondly, you do know it’s okay to read things besides textbooks right?"

"Of course I do!” she glared at me. “It's just that, well, manga isn't exactly...appropriate in a school environment."

That actually got me to stop as my mind jumped to the most logical conclusion.

"Umm…Look Twilight if you wanna read that kind of stuff that’s fine, but I’m not really into that. The stuff I read is more adventures and fighting, I don’t really enjoy the more lewd stuff, but if you do then fi-“

"NOT THAT KIND OF MATERIAL!" she shouted, which caused me to reel back. I actually had to check my ears to make sure my drums didn’t burst. She was a neurotic home invader with a good pair of lungs, I’ll give her that.

After my ears stopped ringing I looked around us to see a lot of the students looking our way.

Uh oh, too much attention has been drawn. Better end this quick before Twilight gets caught up in the rumor mill.

Taking out my manga from class I shoved it into Twilight’s hands.

"Look whatever your aversion is with reading manga in school is all you. This is the first issue of My Hero Academia. Enjoy it because it’s awesome. If there’s so much as a tear, I’ll make sure you pay,” I threatened.

“Wh-What?” she said taken aback.

“It cost me 20 bucks because it’s special edition. You break it, you buy it,” I clarified. “Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta get to class.”

And with that I booked it down the hall, leaving a very confused Twilight behind.







LATER, AT LUNCH


Nothing much happened during my math and science classes, aside from seeing Pinkie’s cowgirl and fashion obsessed friends, but we didn’t talk so it was semi fine.

Honestly at this rate I'll be surprised if I don't have Pinkie and her other friend in my other classes, I thought sourly as I walked to lunch.

Did Pinkie somehow coordinate this? Did she somehow get a hold of mom and concoct some plan to make me have a social life? Mom did visit this place before I arrived…

I shook my head from these conspiracy theories; they didn’t sit well with my empty stomach.

When I reached the lunch room, I managed to grab my burger and book it to the school yard before Pinkie could even have a chance to drag me off, or for the Dazzlings to try something.

I settled down in the perfect shade from the tree from yesterday and sat admiring the perfect hamburger which was at the perfect tempature.

Now to just pick it up and eat i-

"Hey, you actually came back!"

Oh god dang it! I should have known I was taking too long! Curse you comedic timing!

Sighing and looking up I saw the light blue blonde girl from the day before. She was smiling brightly and both of her eyes were focused on me, for a few seconds at a time anyway.

Uh....I wanna say Ditzy? You know I completely forgot about her...Oh hell she thinks we're friends doesn’t she?!
> Episode 6: The Levels of Knowing Someone
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were many things I wanted to do in that moment. I wanted to shove my burger into my face and make a run for it, I wanted to be my blunt self and just tell her that we weren't friends, and I really wanted to get My Hero Academia back from Twilight so that I could avoid awkward small talk like this.

But I couldn't do any of those things, simply because the last time I was blunt with someone about being 'friends' with me I made them cry, and got the entire school on my case for it. I did not want Pinkie-Gate 2.0 that could thrust me more into the spotlight thank you very much. That, and well…the conversation I’d had with her yesterday kind of resonated with me. She ate alone outside so no one would make fun of her eyes, and I had a soft spot for bully victims.

So, not wanting to be rude I answered her with the first thing that popped into my head.

"Course I did, this is the best spot to get away from everyone. Seriously it’s like this place has an anti-student field or something."

...

Yeah, the first thing that comes to my mind usually tends to be really dumb...or nerdy, or a combination of the two really. Just one of the many prices one must pay for being a Otaku Gamer I suppose.

So with that blunder of a sentence I figured Ditzy would just offer me a weird look like the usual people would in that scenario, but to my surprise she just laughed at it. Not one of those 'haha nerd' laughs that I was all too used to, but one of those 'I found that funny' laughs. As she laughed she took a seat next to me and started to calm down from her giggles.

"Hehehe yeah, I think it’s because we’re so close to the locker rooms for the football team. The stink cloud is the worst after a game, but after a couple of days it’s fine."

"Huh. That actually does make some sense. So when’s the next game? I need to know when I should bring my gasmask." She started laughing anew at that. “No really, I’m serious. Jock funk is like a dying skunk that’s lived on nothing but garlic it’s whole life, I need to avoid that unpleasantness.”

And once again, she started heartily laughing at my reasonable analysis, even setting her food down as she rocked back and forth.

It's like she thinks I'm joking or something, I thought in frustration. Some people really need to start understanding the dangers of jock smells I swear.

So while the blonde girl laughed, I decided the best thing for me to do was to go back to my meal. The longer I focused on her laughter the less time I would have to enjoy the glorious hamburger. As I ate, I continued to observe my temporary lunch mate’s guffaws while trying to figure out how to drop the 'not really friends' bomb as gently as possible.

Okay, so she's in a good mood. Now's as good as time as any. Time to put 'Operation: Not Friends' into action!

"So...you said we were friends right?" I asked as her laughter subsided, causing her to look at me in confusion.

"Well yeah. Why do you-oh..." Suddenly her joyful mood melted into somberness.

"I jumped the gun again didn't I? We're not really friends are we?" she asked with a sad sigh. The immediate tonal shift took me completely by surprise.

Yeesh! How many times has this happened to her? Ugh, this is like kicking a whimpering puppy…

“I-I mean…Well…I only just met you yesterday…” I stammered as I tried to find the right words.

"I-I understand,” she nodded and stood up as tears began to well up in her eyes. “I know nobody wants to be friends with a weirdo like me. I’m sorry for bugging y-“

"But we are acquaintances!" I blurted out, which managed to stop her just as she was about to walk away. She sniffled and looked back at me.

"Acquaintances?" she asked in a confused tone.

"Y-Yeah!” I nodded very vigorously. “See there is this thing called the 'Levels of Knowing Someone' that I totally did not just make up right now."

"'Levels of knowing someone'?" Ditzy repeated, more confused than sad at that moment.

"Exactly! LKS is pretty much the three levels of social interaction. First you’re strangers with someone, then you become acquaintances, and then after enough time, you become friends. It all depends on how well you know someone really,” I explained, trying to make this haphazard BS excuse sound reasonable and well thought out. It seems I was successful in that regard, because she sat back down and looked at me in contemplation.

"So if we're just acquaintances now, that means we can be friends if I get to know you better right?" she asked with hope.

"Yep, but in order to do this you need to at least get my er...'Know How' stat to level 10."

What the hell am I even blathering about? I panicked, thinking my house of cards was about to fall, but what she said next surprised me.

"Oh! So it's like in the Persona series? The Social Links that the MC does to get more powerful right?"

I was completely taken aback by that. Not only how she knew that awesome game series and it’s mechanics, but also that she connected my BS plan to it and made it make sense. Really, there was only one thing I could say to all this new information.

"Le-level 2 reached,” I said with a nervous chuckle.

The smile on Ditzy's face almost blinded me with how bright it was. And it was then that I knew one thing...

This is gonna backfire on me isn't it?






LATER, AT P.E.


Aside from that situation at lunch, the next few periods went by without too much happening. I spent most of my geography class thinking back to the whole Ditzy situation, and how my plan to avoid being her friend and causing another Pinkie Incident might have made the situation worse.

Eh, I'll let it be future Michael's problem. For now I need to focus on the task at hand.

That task being surviving the Hell that is P.E. run by Ms. Spitfire. I don't think I've ever been so scared of a person smaller then me in my entire life. This woman was the living representation of every nerd’s worst fear, and she had me singled out on day one.

Truly I must have a nest of black cats living near my home, for this is the worst luck ever! I groaned as I stood in line with roided out guys. Like yesterday, she studied us as we stood, not saying a word, as she moved up and down the line.

She's just been pacing back and forth for the past five minutes, occasionally her gaze lingering on me through her shades.

Is this some kind of military fear tactic to make me break? I gulped as her gaze lingered on me through her shades. Because if so, then it’s freaking working! Seriously lady just force me to work out already I can't take the suspense anymore!

As If reading my thoughts (and I wouldn't be surprised if she could) Ms. Spitfire suddenly stopped right in the middle of the lineup. Her gaze went from one end of the line to another before she started speaking in a militaristic tone.

"Okay men, today we will be doing partner exercises. Group up and begin doing the drills I have listed on the whiteboard behind you. If you don't finish every exercise, and trust me I will know, by the end of the period you and your partner will be doing ten laps around the school before leaving along with any of the exercises you don't finish. Do I make myself clear!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

"THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITNG FOR MAGGOTS?! GET TO IT!"

I don't know what happened next. One minute I was standing in line, and the next I was flat on the ground with dust flying all around me. Coughing, I slowly got back up and tried to see through the dust.

So either the janitor never cleans the gym, or those guys are moving so fast they created dust from nothing like a cartoon. I don't know which one is more scary.

Eventually the dust settled and I found out that I was the only one left without a partner. Literally everyone else had partnered up and were doing the exercises, and in some cases finishing them.

What the hell do those guys eat? Steroid flavored protein powder!?

Shaking my head clear of athlete conspiracy theories (for now) I looked around one more time to see if anyone was left. After confirming once again that I was the only person partnerless I couldn't stop a sly smile from forming.

Perfect! No partner means I can slouch on the job and half ass it. She’s bluffing about knowing when everyone’s done, there’s way too many of us for her to notice me... Is it bad that I put more energy into plans to get out of working out then actually doing the work out? ...Nah.

With that final thought I began to put my plan into action. I started to slowly make my way to an isolated part of the gym to do my 'work out' without any of the roidragers ratting me out.

There's no way this plan can fa-wait no why did I think th-

"And where do you think you're going Private?"

Wincing at the sound of Ms. Spitfire's tone I slowly turned around to face her. Even though she was wearing sunglasses I could tell she had a 'gotcha' look in her eyes. Gulping slightly I told her,

"I, uh… was off to do the exercises like you told us to Ms. Spitfire."

"First of all Private, you are to address me as sir or ma’am. Only the sports teams call me Ms. Spitfire, understand?"

Geeze I guess Full Metal Jacket wasn't exaggerating...oh shoot I need to answer!

"Uh yes Ms.-I mean sir! I understand completely sir!"

I may have found it dumb that she was being such a hardass, but I also wanted to survive with all my bones unbroken. Even I know when to dial it back with the comments when it comes to certain types of people.

"Good,” she nodded, “Now take a partner and get to excercising or I'll be adding forty push-ups to that list specifically for you."

"W-well about that Ms-sir!” I gulped nervously, “There isn't anyone else left to partner up with, so I figured I'd just work on my ow-eep!"

Yes I did scream like a girl. You try not to when the scary teacher leans her sneering face close to yours.

"That's not what I see Private. Your partner is right over there, the both of you are already behind a minute. Now get going!"

Forgetting my fear for a moment, I turned around to see who she was talking about.

Oh you have got to be kidding me! I freaking called it!

Pinkie's shy friend, Butterfly or whatever, looked exactly how I felt, wanting to be anywhere else but there.

I looked back to Ms. Spitfire for confirmation and she nodded.

“B-But she’s a girl,” I said like an idiot.

“Oh wow, I didn’t notice,” she mocked and pointed at the pink haired girl. “Get to it Private!”

Eeping once again, I admitted defeat and made a beeline for the nervous girl. As I neared, it seemed like her shaking went into overdrive and she hid behind her hair from me.

Oi! No need for that! I don't want to be here either and I'm not that scary...I think. Now what was her name again? Flutter Butter? Butterfree? Butterfinger?... Ah screw it just gonna call her Flubber till I get a name.

Sighing before the hiding girl, I coughed awkwardly before I said,

"So uh...Flubber, looks like we're partners huh?" Apparently talking to her just made things worse as she somehow hid deeper into her hair. This of course just caused me to sigh once again before I laid things out for her.

"Okay look, it’s clear that the both of us don't want to be here, but if we don't do these exercises Spitfire is gonna kill us. So how about we just get these done, and we don't even have to make small talk, that okay with you?" Thankfully that seemed to be enough as she shook her head in agreement. At least I think she did, her hair moved back and forth so I just assumed she agreed with me.

"Good! Now come on Flubber, these pushups, sadly, won't do themselves."

With another nervous shake we began the workout routine created by the insane PE teacher...It went as well as you'd expect from a guy who swore off ever working out and a girl who was shaking like a furless Chihuahua in winter. At least she didn’t try to make friends so that was a plus.





*Bringggggggggggggg*

And thus ended another day of teenage jail!

Thankfully the exercises were more toned down than yesterday. Maybe Ms. Spitfire saw me dragging my dying body to the locker room the day before and took pity…or maybe the work out was working and I was actually getting stronger. One of the two.

Or she's slowly making me drop my guard so that she can spring a whole new torture on me tomorrow! I theorized. 

...

I really don't like working out okay?

Anyway, I’d always thought I was the weakest person on the planet…Okay, maybe that’s an overstatement. I’m sure I’m stronger than starving people in third world countries, or smaller children or astronauts with atrophied muscles, but I’m no heavy weight contender. Point is, I'm very weak compared to most people, and I always thought I would be the weakest there ever was. Flubber...she proved that thought process right.

Whereas I struggled to do push-ups after doing five, she only started to struggle after doing twenty of them! There’s not an ounce of fat or muscle on that girl, and she outpaced me no problem. Whatever slim pride I had in my physical talents died at that, and I knew Ms. Spitfire was enjoying every second of that embarrassment.

But with all of that over, I instead focused on getting to the bus so I could have a gaming marathon to make up for yesterday’s lost time. With my backpack secured from my locker I made my way out of the school, and the bus was in sight…And then for some odd reason I couldn’t move anymore.

Suddenly realizing the presence of two people on either side of me I looked and found Pinkie on my left and Rainbow on my right, both of them with iron grips on my arms.

"Oh for fu-What do you two want?" I groaned in annoyance.

Pinkie is the first to speak as she said,

"Welllll...” Pinkie spoke up, “Since you were so busy yesterday with moving your stuff around I thought it would be nice if you hung out with us while we gave you a tour of the town!"

I think my face paled beyond belief at the very thought of hanging out with Pinkie and her friends. But I think it paled even more when Rainbow said,

"That, and we figured you might lock us out if you got home first so we're asking ya to come now."

The way you said asking is supisou-HEY!

The next thing I knew both of them were laughing as they dragged me off to a...blue and rainbow themed sports car. While it was pretty obvious who owned it, I was more focused on trying to stop my kidnapping!

"Hey let me go! Dang it I had plans today guys! Stop dragging me dang it! This is kidnapping you know, and that's illegal! Pinkie? Rainbow! STOP IGNORING ME DANG IT!"

Needless to say my afternoon was hijacked again.
> Episode 7: Car Ride Talks and Sweet Shop Stops
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know I couldn't tell what was worse, the fact that two girls were able to drag me against my will to a car that I swear is Rainbow's ego personified, or the fact that this all happened in broad daylight with multiple witnesses and yet no one tried to help or called the cops!

Just...Just how many people have you kidnapped Pinkie?! How often does this happen that no one bats a eye about it!?

I'm honestly afraid to ask, and even more afraid of what the answer to these questions is.

Anyway, I had given up struggling once we reached Rainbow's car. I figured there was no point in trying to get away at that point seeing as how Rainbow could probably tackle me down before I even made it three feet.

That and the buses had all left during my struggle, so I had nowhere else to go and I was not running home with those two on my tail. So with those factors I decided to resign myself to Pinkie’s schemes. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t complain my ass off though.

"Seriously Rainbow, this is your car?" I asked, looking at the vanity mobile on wheels. Rainbow gave me a half-hearted glare before she said,

"Hey I'll have you know this baby was a gift from my parents once I got my license!"

I just raised my brow at this and looked it over. The rainbow design of the vehicle also had a flame like design to it, making it look like the car was burning rainbows. Despite it’s size, it was a four seater, and it looked like the roof could come down.

"You're telling me your parents bought you a sports car of all things after you got your license?"

"Yeah...” she admitted, blushing slightly. “My parents are sorta...kinda...they really spoil me. I would have been fine with a cheaper car, but they insisted on buying the Speed Demon 3000 so there was really nothing I could do."

I got flashbacks to all then times my mother bought me something super expensive despite my objections, and in doing so I ended up nodding in agreement with Rainbow of all people.

"Yeah, my mom can be like that too. Heh, one time sh-wait a second!" Rainbow's words had finally registered in my head. "Speed Demon 3000!? What kind of car company brands their cars with a name like that!?"

This time its Pinkie who answers me as she-whoa hey too close Pinkie!

"Only the most dangerous, fastest, daredevil sponsoring, awesome packed car company ever!" Pinkie answered, getting way too close for comfort to my face.

I leaned my head as far back as possible since I couldn't exactly back away from the Pink Menace since she and Rainbow were still holding me hostage.

Dang it Pinkie! You and Rainbow need a lesson in what personal space is! Or at the very least realize I don't like being close to you! Both in the metaphorical and literal way!

My thoughts aside I just gave Pinkie a deadpanned glare before I said,

"So what, Toyota? Ford? Some European country I’ve never heard of?”

"No silly!” Pinkie giggled. “It's a local car shop in town! They have this awesome policy that lets us blah blah blah blah..." Seeing as Pinkie was going into another one of her long winded stories, I decided to drown her out and stare at the locally built vehicle.

Despite the ego boosting it did to Rainbow’s name, I had to admit it seemed like a kinda cool car. The burning rainbows actually worked and were awesome.

...

Rainbow can never know I thought her car looked cool or I will never hear the end of it!

"And then the place kinda caught on fire when it reopened last year, but only one person got seriously burned so it’s still in business making dangerously fast cars today!"

..

"What?" Pinkie just giggled at my dumbfounded expression, despite it being totally valid hearing about death and fire.

Before I could voice my questions about what the hell Pinkie was talking about I was shoved into the back of Dash's car. The seats we're leather, so they were only semi-comfortable. I don't know why, I just could never be fully comfortable with sitting on leather. I blame...well I don't know what I blame but still I just don't find leather very comfortable, especially in Summer.

My preference of what I like to sit on aside, I sent a glare Pinkie's way.

"Really? Did you have to shove me into the car?"

"Oh please dude,” Rainbow scoffed from the driver seat. “If she didn't you know you would have made a run for it."

"…You do realize that what you just said was what a kidnapper would say right?" I deadpanned.

"We aren't kidnappers silly!” Pinkie giggled. “We're just forcibly taking you to an unknown location against your will to make you do something you probably don't want to do!"

She then proceeded to smile like an innocent school girl like what she just said wasn't morally wrong in any way...

...

"Pinkie, that is exactly what a kidnapper is! That is literally the definition!"

"Yeah Pinks, you should work on your phrasing,” Rainbow agreed.

"What?!” Pinkie yelped in shock looking between me and Rainbow. “But a kidnapper takes people to do bad things! We're taking Mikey here to do fun things! That’s completely different!"

"Well Pinks, what if a kidnapper’s idea of fun is considered bad by the kidnapee?” Rainbow argued.

"But Dashiiiiieeee! We aren't going to do anything bad! We’re not even going to hold him for ransom! We're just taking him to Sugarcube Corner to meet up with the others, then going on a tour of the town! That's not bad or illegal!"

What...what kind of conversation is this?! Since when is this a normal discussion topic for high school girls?! Is there something in this town’s water supply?

Before I could ponder more on that line of thinking, I realized that Pinkie had slipped up during her talk with Rainbow.

"Wait, what's Sugarcube Corner?" My question managed to end their kidnapping conversation loop and Pinkie gave me an almost blinding smile.

"Only the greatest and bestest place in the whole wide world! It’s a place of joy and wonder and happiness and I love working there so much!”

"Work there? You...you have a job?" I sputtered incredulously. The complete and utter doubt in my voice must have been pretty obvious as Pinkie deflated, sound effect and all.

What the-What?! I blubbered at her personal sound effect, while she spoke.

"Awwww, of course I have a job! How else would I be able to afford all my super-duper parties?"

"Ignoring the fact you just said super-duper without any hint of sarcasm, I just find it hard to believe a hyperactive person like you can work anywhere without destroying the place in some sort of confetti related explosion."

"Well I mean, heh heh...that only happened one time,” she chuckled nervously. “And that was only because my sisters were in town and I really wanted to impress them with how good I was at work!"

This actually managed to catch my interest, and by interest I mean utter terror. The prospect of having more than one Pinkie was bringing the whole clone thing to the forefront of my mind, and made me consider the benefits of admitting myself to an asylum.

One Pinkie’s bad enough, but even more would spell the end of my loner lifestyle! I better dig deeper to figure out just how many anti-Pinkie supplies I need to buy.

"So you have sisters huh?”

“Yup Yuperooni! Three to be exact.”

“Oh…Joy…” I ground my teeth in anguish. “And I’m guessing they’re all like you?”

"Oh no, I’m one of a kind,” she explained. “Limestone can be a grouch, and Marble is like super shy and quiet and my sister Maud is the exact opposite of me, like polar opposite. We all do like having fun though, and like any sisters we sometimes fight, but they’re still the best sisters a girl can ask for!” Pinkie smiled after saying this, but this one seemed sorta...forced to me.

And call me crazy, but did I just hear a sad tone coming from Pinkie?

That seemed so un-Pinkie like that even I thought it was weird, but before I could say anything Rainbow interrupted.

"Alright guys, we're here!"

My eyes widened in surprise at that as I looked out my window and saw we were indeed in a completely different location.

Wha...How!? I thought dumbfounded. I didn't even feel the car move! How focused was I with my conversation with Pinkie!?

Rainbow seemed to notice my dumbfounded look as she chuckled. I gave her an annoyed glare, which only seemed to make her laugh even more.

"Hehehe don't worry dude, you’re not the first person to be surprised by how awesome my car is. Zero to Sixty in a snap and as silent as the grave."

"That...that doesn't make any sense!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes and pointed at the doors. “Sound dampening for our benefit. Outside, the folks get quite the earful.” She then got out of the car, with Pinkie following suit.

I wonder if there's any chance I could just stay in here...nah, even I'm not that desperate to avoid social situations as to hide in a car. That's just sad.

With another sigh I got out of the car and I could only stare at the building in front of me in surprise. I mean when you see a huge, real life gingerbread house what else are you supposed to do?

"Hehehe, man I love it when new people see Sugarcube Corner, their faces are always priceless,” Rainbow snickered.

Ignoring Rainbow's usual mocking laughter I turned towards Pinkie and asked the most important question in the universe.

"Is the building edible, and if so is it illegal to eat the whole thing?"

"Hehehe no silly, concrete doesn't taste that good,” she said matter of factly. “Trust me, I've tried it with whip cream and even chocolate syrup and it still tasted terrible. Plus it’s really bad for your teeth!"

Oh, so it’s one of those fake buildings used to advertise the town for tourists? I thought in melancholy, my shoulders actually drooping. That sucks. And now I really want gingerbread!

And before I knew it, Rainbow and Pinkie grabbed me again and started to drag me into the building. Instead of struggling, which I knew it would be futile, I instead did the next best thing. Complaining like a middle aged housewife in a check out line.

"Do you guys really have to drag me?"

"Not really, but it’s pretty fun seeing your frustrated face when we do."

One day Rainbow, one day I will so get you back for this!

I was about to drop another clever complaint to the Rainbow Speed Freak, when we crested the doorway and my jaw literally dropped.

"Huh, not that many people today huh Pinks?"

"Nah Dashie, it’s just the aftermath of the lunch rush. Things will pick back up in another hour for sure."

I completely ignored my kidnappers’ conversation as I looked around in awe. My brain tried to comprehend the sight of so many heavenly handcrafted sweets. The more I looked around the more my jaw started to get further and further from the rest of my face. The entire inside of the building was covered with display cases. Left and right, all around me were what looked like the most delicious sweets I've ever seen in my life.

Holy mother of sweetness...I think I've been dragged to the holy land of all things pastry!

There were double decker chocolate fudge cakes, multi-layer cheese cakes, even freaking cream puffs stacked on top of each other to make a mini cake!

"Hehehe, looks like Sugarcube Corner has another new regular huh Pinkie?"

I wasn't looking at her since I was so distracted with all the sweets, but I could still feel the smile she had on her face when she said,

"Looks like it Dashie! I knew bringing Mikey here would be a good idea! No one can resist the tastiness that is here after all!"

And God help me, she was right. I was mentally eating all the sweet artery clogging masterpieces with my eyes. The smells lifted my curmudgeonly spirits, and a part of me was legitimately thankful I’d been kidnapped…Only a little part though. I turned to the Pink Menace who was overjoyed by my dopey expression.

"Pinkie…You actually work here?"

"Yeppers! I've been working with the Cake's here since junior high! I'm been here so long they even named a few dishes after me!" she said and nodded at impossible speeds.

Somehow...that just makes sense. Figures the pastry land of the gods is also the same place Pinkie works at. Hell, no wonder she’s so hyperactive. Her diet must consist entirely on these sweets. I wonder if there's any chance they do take out so I can avoid awkward small talk at the register...

*Grumble*

And like that my stomach suddenly let out a grumble so loud I bet deaf people could of heard it. I usually don't get embarrassed when something like this happens, but when there's only a few people in a room, and your stomach lets off the sounds of a dying beluga whale, one can’t help but be self conscious, especially when all eyes in the room turned to me. Of course this meant nothing to my kidnappers as Rainbow sent Pinkie a smug smile, who in turn only had the biggest smile ever.

Dear lord Pinkie your mouth's eating your face!!!

"Oh this is perfect timing! I'll go whip us up some snacks! Rainbow, think you can help me out with the cooking?" The way Pinkie said that last bit was kinda suspicious, and Rainbow seemed to agree as she sent Pinkie a questioning glance.

"Uh, no offense Pinks but I'm not exactly on your level of cooking skill. Besides I wanna stick around and watch the firewo-"

"Great! Let's go make some snacks! Girls, do you mind keeping Michael company while we get cooking?"

Before I could even wonder who Pinkie was talking to, a southern accent answered from behind me.

"Sure thing Sugar cube, we'll keep your...friend company."

And like that Pinkie took off with a protesting Rainbow in tow. I would have taken my time to bask in the karmic justice of that, if I didn't have to deal with a new problem. Turning around I was greeted by the sight of cowgirl Flappjack or whatever her name was and the fancy fashionista girl from the lunch table yesterday.

...

...

...

"Just so we're clear, you're now associates to kidnapping."
> Episode 8: The Southern One Gives Her Two Cents
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two girls before me just gave me looks of confusion before both of their eyes widened and the one with purple hair sighed.

"Oh dear, not again."

You know I should be more surprised that this is your response to Pinkie kidnapping someone, but somehow it doesn't.

"So let me guess, this isn't the first time Ms. Sugar-high’s done this?"

"Pinkie does this from time to time, yes,” Dapplemack corrected with a glare. “We tried warning her that it isn't the best way to make friends, but sometimes wisdom goes in one ear and out the other with her."

"And why doesn't that surprise me in the slightest?" I deadpanned which caused the fashion lady to giggle.

"I see you've gotten used to Pinkie’s...Pinkieness it seems."

I wanted to give a sarcastic remark, something along the lines of Pinkie's strangeness being something no one should get used to, but Grapple-Check’s continuous glare from before told me that would be a bad idea. So I instead went a slightly less sarcastic remark.

"I wouldn't say 'used to,' more like 'tolerating till I can make my swift escape.' Which seems less and less likely with every passing moment." The purple haired girl giggled again at my tone, which honestly annoyed me.

What’s with that stupid “tee-hee-hee”? She’s like that one audience member in a bad sitcom that always laughs even when they should be booing.

But before I could voice any of this to her, Snapple-Cap spoke up again.

"Say pardner, I don't quite recall yer name. What was it again, Michel something?" she asked earnestly, but with her accent, I thought she was being condescending.

Okay, first off that's your best subtle insult? Really? I've heard better insults on Jersey Shore, and that's saying something since half the stuff that comes out of their mouths is drunken gibberish. Second of all, this is a subtle insult!

"Close enough, its Michael Bacon. And if I recall your name is Maple Stack right? Wait no, Crackerjack? No no no, wait I got it! It's Fraggle Rock isn't!? Sorry, I tend to forget absurd names."

This was in all honesty the truth, I had no idea what her real name was. The thing is though, when you admit that to the person, it tends to get their goat.

The cowgirl actually started to grind her teeth in anger at my little comeback while the fancy one looked mortified as if I’d just spat on her family's grave.

Someone's overdramatic huh?

"Now now, why don't we all go and get a table? We're right in the way of the door after all, and if we stay we'd be terribly inconvenient to everyone trying to get in," Ms. Eye-Shadow interrupted, getting between me and Ms. Southern-Drawl. Probably a good thing too, because said southern belle stopped flashing her chompers and calmed down.

"Ah hear ya Rares, ah hear ya.” She nodded before giving me an aside glance. “Come on smart mouth, let’s get a move on."

“Or do you still plan on escaping as it were?” asked “Rares.”

“Oh why even bother?” I grumbled. “If the Pink one didn’t catch me, I’m sure you’d lasso me or something cowgirl.”

“Heh, ah do have quite the collection of rodeo ribbons, that’s for sure,” she nodded with a smirk that set me on edge.

Wait, for real? I was just joking. Does she really have a rope on her? I thought in worry.

“W-Well, that’s fine and all, but don’t worry. Aside from you kidnappers, I’m still hungry for sweets.”

*Grumble* My stomach agreed at an unreasonable decibel level which caused the girls to snicker.

Curse you comedic timing! You have betrayed me!

"Yeah yeah laugh at my hunger why don’t you? And can you seriously not laugh in a “non fancy” way fashion la-Okay, you know what enough of that, what’s your name?"

“Huh?” they both asked taken aback.

"I asked what your name was because I seriously forgot and I can't keep referring to you as 'the fashion one.' It's getting repetitive and annoying to constantly think, and I’m pretty sure Rares isn’t it either."

“Huh…well that was rather blunt darling,” the girl-who-likes-fashion said blinking owlishly.

Darling? Who the heck says that to someone you’re not dating? I only just met you. Must be some sort of character trait or something...

“Yeah, blunt is one way to put it. Now seriously, I’m running out of synonyms for ‘fashion.’”

Annie Oakley squinted her eyes at me for said bluntness, but the prom queen started giggling that annoying “sophisticated” laugh again.

"What’s so funny?" I asked, to stop the laughing more than anything else.

"Oh, oh nothing much darling, it’s just been far too long since someone's been so blunt with me! It's quiet refreshing to hear actually."

Both Knick-Knack-Paddy-Whack and I stared dumbfounded at her response, but she didn't seem to mind as she continued,

"Anyway darling, my name is Rarity. And since you happened to forget this is my friend Applejack."

"Howdy," the now named southern girl said in the most cold way possible.

“What, like the cereal?” I asked in actual surprise.

“Like I haven’t heard that one before,” she said with a glare that caused the three of us to go into an uncomfortable silence.

Oh God, this is why I don’t do the whole “friends” thing. Awkward Silences! Someone! Anyone! Break it before it consumes us a-

"Hmmm...why don't we try to get to know each other while we wait for Pinkie and Rainbow to get back with the snacks?" Rarity interjected.

Oh God that's even worse! Awkward small talk!

Applejack seemed to agree with me as she let out a snort at the idea. In the end though, I was trapped at the table with these two, and if I didn’t give in, then the few minutes till snack time would stretch to an eternity.

Better to bite the bullet at this point.

"Alright...so what should we talk about?" I answered, which caused Rarity to give a face eating Pinkie-like smile with eye sparkles to boot.

I seriously need to do a chemical test on the water here before I drink any!

"Hmmm, what to talk about? ...I know! How about our favorite type of fashion?!"

To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one to let out a groan as Applejack pulled her hat down over her eyes.

I regret this already!

Rarity looked back and forth between us before she huffed out,

"Fine! But do you two have any other ideas?"

...

...

...

Aaannnnddd back to awkward silence. Whelp guess I could jus-

"What about TV shows? You look like a couch potato,” Applejack suggested.

Huh...that could actually work. Also, MUCH better subtle insult.

With that thought I nodded my head and asked Rarity,

"Okay, so have you ever seen Power rangers, Ninja Turtles, Sailor Moon, Beetle Force, Teen Titans, Samurai Cyber Squad, The other ninja turtles, or Avatar: The Last Airbender?" I listed off on rapid fire.

"I'm afraid I haven't darling,” she said with an overwhelmed face. “I tended to watch shows that had female leads.”

“Anyone could have watched those shows,” I pointed out. “Heck, Sailor Moon seems tailor made for you. But you like strong female leads huh? In that case, what about Kim Possible?”

“No.”

“Star vs. The Forces of Evil?”

“No.”

“Black Lagoon?”

“Sorry, no.”

"...Totally Spies?" I asked reluctantly.

"Oh I adore that one!"

"Oh come on!"

"I know the writing isn't the best darling, but you have to admit it had a decent concept and cast,” she pointed out.

"I mean…yeah it did last thirteen years for a reason I guess,” I hated to admit. “But come on the transportation to the main HQ gag got old fast."

"True darling,” she nodded, “But Clover's fashion choice is truly marvelous!"

And yet somehow we're back to fashion. Must. Avoid. Fashion Talk!

"So Applejack, you got any childhood TV shows worth talking about?"

The cowgirl just stared at me for a bit before mumbling out,

"Well...I did always watch that ol'cartoon C.O.W Boys of Moo Mesa."

...

...

...

"I'm sorry the who boys of what now?" I asked causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Well, it's about a bunch of cows turning into human like people, and it follows three lawmen of the town trying to put a stop to the evil mayor and his sheriff from committing crimes that can ruin the town."

(This is an actual show people, look it up if you don't believe me)

"Hehehe,” I chuckled. “That sounds like a TMNT knockoff like Biker Mice From Mars. Guess the animation company needed a quick cash cow at the time, eh?”

Applejack’s face seemed to harden at that, either from me insulting her childhood, or my terrible pun, or both.

*Bing*

"Oh dear! It looks like Pinkie needs me in the kitchen, it seems like Rainbow managed to burn half the snacks...again,” Rarity informed looking at her phone.

I swear I heard a "Hey!" come from the kitchen when she said that, but before I could comment on it Rarity stood up from the table.

"You two keep each other company now, I'll be back after the snacks are all finished,” she said as she hurried off to the back with the other girls, leaving me alone with cowgirl.

...

...

...

And now back to the awkward silence, brought to you by Pinkie with the painfully obvious attempt for me to get along with her friends.

I twiddled my thumbs as I stared at Applejack, trying to think of anything at all the break the tension between us.

“So, I guess you like cowboy ha-“

"I'ma be straight with ya pal, I don't like you. Not one bit," she interrupted me.

...

Apparently I'm better at annoying Pinkie's friends then I thought I was.

"You made mah friend cry, you continually insult us to our faces, and now you've gone done stirred up trouble with those no good Dazzlings and Sunset Shimmer when things have finally settled down from last year’s fiasco."

'Last years fiasco?' Wonder what that's about? I pondered before addressing the glaring girl.

"Look, I’m sorry but I didn’t even want to be in this position. I told Pinkie I didn’t want friends, and that was my legitimate excuse, it’s nothing against her personally. And come on, insulting? I couldn’t for the life of me remember your names. Besides, your not so subtle insult to my name started it.”

“Ah was just trying to introduce myself proper for courtesy’s sake, and ya idjit,” she scolded.

“Oh…well excuse me then Applejack,” I emphasized with sarcasm, “But if you don’t like me then there’s no loss here. I’ve been dragged into this whole “hanging out” situation. Also, you’re worried about the bullies? Those Disco-rejects and Condiment Head are nothing compared to some of the other bullies I've met. Heck, if this were any normal town, they’d be the ones getting bullied.”

My own glare had come out to match hers as I spouted my frustrations, but then hers fell for a moment in confusion.

"Condiment Head?"

I could feel my eyebrow twitch as I explained, once again, how her nickname comes from her hair color choice.

“Seriously, she’s either blonde with red highlights, or redheaded with blonde highlights, that can’t be natural.”

"Whatever,” she shook her head and pointed at me. “Ah just wanna make one thing clear. Ah don't know why Pinkie is so stuck on being your friend, but ah swear if you make her cry again then those bullies will be the least of your problems, understand?"

Yeesh you'd think she was talking to a crummy boyfriend or something! Seriously I’m not trying to schmooze on Pinkie, I don’t even want to be around her in the first place!

Sighing I calmed myself down and looked her straight in the eye.

“Look, I understand where you’re coming from, and I have no doubt you can kick my ass, but quit trying to scare me Okay? I don’t care if you hate me.”

She only deepened her scowl at this.

“I’ve said it from the beginning, I’m not trying to make friends here, so go ahead and hate away, I’m used to it. Maybe others will follow your suit and Pinkie can stop trying to integrate me.”

“You know that will upset her greatly right?!” she asked dangerously.

“No I didn’t mean, *sigh* look, Pinkie dragged me into this, and for her sake, I’ve been trying to paint her a picture in a way that she won’t get too upset. Thankfully she’s got one reasonable friend in you to help her see.”

“Say what now?” she asked, not understanding my meaning.

“You, you’re the reasonable one of this group I’ve seen so far. Rainbow, Twilight, and even Rarity keep trying to “play nice” and hound me, trying to force me to be friends because that’s what Pinkie wants, but not you. You gave me your honest opinion because you see me for how I really am.”

“And what’s that?” she asked intrigued.

“An asshole that just wants to be left alone,” I said plainly, “And you seem to be the only one willing to admit that.” She seemed surprised by my words, but before she could say anything, I continued.

“Look, I’m not going to try and make Pinkie cry, but she refuses to see the truth. So keep hating me and you’ll help her see eventually, and then I’ll be out of all your hairs,” I said matter of factly.

Maybe a bit crude perhaps, but she was blunt and truthful with me, so I repaid the kindness. My words though seemed to dumbfound her though, and though she looked at me in shock and even a bit of anger for my crassness, I thought I also detected a hint of pity.

“Ah…uh…” she stammered before we were both interrupted by a shout of,

"IT'S FOOD TIME!!!"

Ah! Who-what-where-why!? I stammered, having a mini-heart attack at the sudden appearance of Pinkie with a tray of sweets, a slightly burnt Rainbow and a giggling Rarity, all wearing aprons and chef’s hats.

"Sorry it took so long guys! I just had to make sure everything was perfectly delicious!"

"And I burned half of the ones we finished...again," Rainbow admitted guiltily, to which Pinkie patted her back.

"Aw, don't worry Dashie, we didn't even need to call the fire department to help this time!"

"That doesn't help Pinks,” Rainbow groaned.

With the comedy routine out of the way Pinkie and the rest sat at the table and placed the tray of goodies in the middle. Applejack gave me one last serious look, before she put on her “happy go lucky” friend mask and took a sweet.

What followed was painstakingly awkward small talk between the girls as I stayed ignored and shoveled food down my throat. Which I ultimately didn’t mind because those baked goods...ohhhh those snacks were pure deliciousness! Seriously I felt like my taste buds were melting from pure perfection.

"Enjoying yourself there pardner?" Applejack suddenly asked.

"Mff?"

Oh why do people always try to talk to someone when their mouth is clearly full!? I can never understand that, since it only embarrasses the person ea-and now I see what's going on here. You’re a sly one aren't ya?

But since I don't want to appear as rude, well rude for not having manners at least, I swallowed the food in my mouth before I said,

"Eh, it’s pretty good. Might actually come back here whenever I have some spare cash lying around."

And considering how much my mom gives me in allowance, despite my protest, that should be often…or at least as often when Pinkie isn’t on shift. Ignorant to my thoughts Pinkie just giggled and said,

"If you say so Mikey! Hey, we promised you a tour of the town right!?"

"No, you just nabbed me for some free food and then you said you'd take me home."

There was a few moments of silence before everyone started to laugh, which only caused me to grumble in annoyance.

"Heheh Nice try dude!” Rainbow said slapping my back causing me to cough up some crumbs. “Come on let’s get the tour started before it gets too late."

"Wait Rainbow darling, what about Twilight and Fluttershy, they still haven't arrived yet?"

"Well...about that-" Rainbow chuckled nervously.

"Twilight couldn't make it because of some new 'literature series' she found, and Fluttershy is volunteering at the Animal Shelter again,” Pinkie explained.

Rarity blinked a few times at that before she said,

"Oh, well in that case I do believe I know the perfect place to visit first. The-"


JUMP CUT HERE


"MALL!"

...

"Why'd you wait till we actually got here to finish that sentence?"
> Episode 9: Mall Problems And A Tour of Annoyance!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There have been many times in my life where I've questioned another's sanity. Usually when someone does something incredibly stupid, or if someone was so oblivious to what was happening around them it literally took me saying something for them to realize it.

There have been so, so, so many times where I just couldn't help myself but comment on someone's actions that have made me feel dumber for having had to bear witness to their shenanigans.

This...was one of those times.

"Why am I stuck carrying your stuff again?"

The posh girl before me gave an annoyed sigh as she repeated the same sentence she'd been saying for the past five minutes.

"For the last time Darling, a true gentleman always carries the bags of the lady he is accompanying. To let a frail maiden such as I carry such heavy bags would be a crime against the very foundations of order itself."

"And like I've been telling you, I am not a gentleman!” I rolled my eyes with a huff. “Nor do I doubt you lugging around the crap you bought for yourself is gonna kill you."

"Oh complain all you want Mr. Bacon, but do remember that you have yet to drop my new clothes this entire time,” she pointed out which made my eye twitch.

“Because I was led to believe you were going to give me 20 bucks,” I grunted, shifting the bags in my arms.

“Yes yes, you will be rewarded, I’m not a monster,” she handwaved and kept walking.

“Well just so you know, every bag you add the rate goes up,” I complained and she gave me a pouty look.

“Mr. Bacon, money isn’t everything,”

Says the girl who’s already spent like 400 dollars!

“You’ll be rewarded fairly I can assure you. Honestly, the education I’m giving you in the art of fashion is itself a reward in my opinion.”

“All I’ve learned is how heavy they are,” I rolled my eyes again. “And why can’t you just get any one of the countless drooling guys leering at you to carry this stuff? You know they’d say yes.” Said admirers quickly averted their gazes and tried to seem nonchalant after I called them out.

“Hmmph, because that would be awfully rude darling, especially since this tour is for your benefit.”

“That would be rude?” I asked incredulously. “Not forcing the guy who doesn’t even want to be here to be your pack mule? That’s perfectly acceptable?!” 

And to that she gave me a look of frustration. Yeah, maybe I was being a bit whiny, but I had a right to be dang it! I’d already lost the battle in being dragged around, but I sure as hell was going to win the war by making the experience as annoying for her as it was for me.

I wasn’t dating this stuck up fashionista, I had no obligation to be there. I just wanted to be at home so I could finally unpack the last of my stuff and try to solo-run Bloodborne. 

I swear if it wasn't for the fact that you said you’d pay me, or the fact that I have no idea where or how far my house is from here... My thoughts trailed off as I let out a sigh of frustration.

"Oh come now darling, I know you aren't exactly keen on being here but the least you can do is humor me and my friends for just a little bit," she tried to placate.

"Oh? You mean your friends who all conveniently had to use the restroom the minute we got here?” I snarked.

The minute we’d gotten into the mall, my other three kidnappers all skedaddled off to God knows where after seeing advertisements for some huge sales at multiple shops, leaving me in the care of Ms. Eye shadow Galore. Said girl insisted on dragging me to every single clothes shop that came into her peripheral vision and buying like ten bags at each store. 

"I will admit, that was rather uncouth of them to leave after we all agreed to give you a tour of the town,” she admitted with a wince. “But I assure you that after they've concluded their business we'll be back on track."

You may say that, but I can see the doubt in your eyes! Ugh... Shaking my head I just gave Rarity a bored look as I said,

"Alright fine, but can we at least go to a store that I would be interested in? Or better yet take a break before my arms pop off like Mr. Potato Head?"

"Well, I do suppose it would only be fair to visit a shop you would like..." she said thoughtfully and a small glimmer of hope filled me. It was quickly snuffed out though as her eyes landed on yet another clothing shop.

“Oh! Hoity Toities is having a red tag sale! I must know if anything I've had my eye on is a part of it! Would you be a dear and allow me one last stop before we head over to...wherever you wish to go?"

I gave her a deadpan glare to that request.

“Five bucks for every extra bag,” I demanded, which wiped the smile off of her face.

“Fine,” she sighed in defeat.

Yes! With what I’ve got now that’s like 3 games I won’t have to pay out of pocket, I smiled in victory.

“But come along now, I can practically hear the newest fall line-up calling for me!" she said doing a complete 180 emotionally and physically as she made her way to the expensive looking shop.

"I swear this better not take too long..." I grumbled as I followed.






2 HOURS LATER


I hate shopping, soooo much! Just, all of my hate.

Two hours! Two long, boring hours passed with me sitting off to the side with heavy clothing bags while she was 'browsing.’ And by browsing, I mean dashing from aisle to aisle grabbing every dress she could reach like a kleptomaniac sprinter, before running to the changing rooms.

She kept darting in and out of that damn changing room for two whole hours, and the worst part was, she didn’t even hold onto any of them to buy! She just kept putting them back on the racks after modeling herself in the vanity mirrors for like five minutes per dress.

Oh God, I'd take Pinkie Pie in any other situation over this torture! I anguished as she yet again put another stack of clothes back, before returning with more. Is she doing this just to spite me for the five Dollar thing?

“Graaggh! Haven’t you found something yet?!” I shouted as she returned the latest batch.

"Now now, hold your horses and just wait a little longer. I just need to check out one last dress, and then I promise we will head out,” she reassured me.

“That’s what you said two dresses ago!” I complained as she went back into the changing room. Sighing once again, I looked to the exit, noticing a few other guys who looked weary and burdened by clothes bags. They all had the dead eyed, defeated stare I had.

…Alright, enough of this BS. She can carry her own damn bags, this is so not worth the money anym-

“AHA!” came her shout from the changing room. “Oh this is simply marvelous! And it’s on sale too!" Not even five seconds later, she came out of the room with the dress in her arms and smiled at me, “Okay Mr. Bacon, I’m finished. I’ll just be getting this.”

“About Friggen Time!” I all but shouted as I gathered up all the bags and stood up which caused her to wince.

“Oh I’m sorry dear, but one must be absolutely sure when it comes to price and perfection,” she said holding up the dress.

“Yeah, well the rates gone up to ten bucks for all that time wasted, I…Holy crap. You call that price a sale?” I said in bewilderment as I saw the price tag on the dress. Let me tell you, it was a lot of zeros, and I mean a lot of zeros.

“Well of course, an entire 50% off,” she said happily.

“What the f…” I trailed off doubling that number and wondering why anyone in their right mind would pay that much. “Can you even afford that and still pay me after all you’ve already bought?”

"Why Mr. Bacon, as a girl of my stature you must understand something," she said with a smug smile before pulling her credit card and an entire handful of gift cards out of her purse. "I always come prepared when it comes to making a good purchase."

I began to open my mouth to give a snarky comment, but I almost immediately closed it finding absolutely nothing to say at that sound investment.

Guess even rich girls need coupons and the like, I shrugged. At least she’ll still have enough to pay me.

"As you can see, Mr. Bacon, I am both brains and lo-"

"Oh my, do my eyes deceive me!? Rarity, is that you?"

And like that any and all mirth Rarity had disappeared and was replaced with what I can only assume was anger. Said anger was quickly hidden by a tense smile as she slowly turned towards where the voice came from. Following her line of sight I saw a pink girl with purple hair tied into a bun who had a similar looking disposition…

And behind her was a small mountain of moving shopping bags, the carrier not even remotely visible.

Whoa! Whoever is carrying that must be strong as hell, I’m only carrying like a quarter of that and I want to die, I thought, thoroughly impressed.

"Oh Suri darling, long time no see,” Rarity greeted the girl with barely hidden annoyance. “It’s so...nice to see you again."

Whoa, passive-aggressive much? What’d she do to piss you off? I wondered as the now named Suri gave her own false smile.

“Well of course it is dear, who wouldn’t want to see me again?” she shot back. 

Oh God, Rarity has a twin and they hate each other’s guts, I deduced immediately.

“So, buying that dress today are we? A bit behind the rest don’t you think?” Suri mocked while trying to sound like she wasn’t mocking.

“Ohohoho, I don’t think so, if it were then clearly Sapphire Shores wouldn’t still be strutting around in it,” Rarity said back with poorly concealed venom.

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right,” Suri answered in mock agreement and both of them pretended to laugh like all was right with the world.

Oh yeah, they want to gut each other.

It was then that Rarity’s rival looked at me and smirked.

“And who might this be Rarity? Is this your new boy-“

“No I am not her boyfriend, she’s paying me to carry her bags, and I know nothing of fashion,” I interrupted, not wanting to get dragged into the middle of this Mean Girls shtick.

“Oh, uh…Okay,” Suri said taken a bit aback by my abrasiveness which threw her off her groove. She coughed into her hand and turned her attention back to Rarity.

“Well it’s good to know you can still hire help, though perhaps you should look for those with stronger backs?”

Oh for-I’m not being paid enough for this! But before I could snark at that, Rarity spoke up.

“Oh no, he’s quite capable. Besides, I only need a few perfect materials instead of a horde of mediocre ones,” Rarity insulted cheerfully. Suri of course showed no outward signs of this bothering her, aside from a slight twitch of her mouth.

“Ah, so you’re going to be entering this year’s County Fashion Show?”

“Of course I am, I was at the last one as you well know,” Rarity said with a bit of heat.

"Oh I know, it was such an honor to win first place once again. Oh, but your dresses were fabulous as well, just not as much as mine..." she all but spat with sarcasm which caused the fashionista to clench her fists.

Hoo boy, these two are like a hair away from a cat fight, and here I thought Rarity’s voice screamed ‘snobby bitch’. Well, it still does, but now she has competition.

"Oh well I hardly doubt first place by default was a true show of your design. After all if the other contestants designs didn't go missing up until an hour before the end of the time limit well...*deep sigh* who knows what would have happened?" Rarity said, her voice quaking with the effort to sound civil.

The snobby girl didn't even seemed phased as she chuckled...well snobbishly before looking at her fingertips in almost a bored fashion as she said,

"Yes, that truly was a shame. For such a thing to happen during an interschool contest it certainly was certainly unlucky. Though I doubt in the long run it would have made much of a difference, Crystal Prep always wins."

Wow, salt meet wounds, I observed as her smiling façade cut deep into Rarity, whose own strained smile was almost completely broken as her eye began to twitch. Girls bickering while pretending not to is always a pointless display.

Before Rarity could explode in anger and sink her claws into Suri’s face like I know she wanted to do, she took a very deep breath before that bored, unwavered façade returned to her face.

“Who knows dear, upsets happen all the time. Especially since this year there’s actually going to be security watching the entries.”

Suri apparently didn't like that response as her smug smile dropped into a frown. 

“Indeed…” she trailed off before checking her watch and making an annoyed ‘tick sound.

"Come now Coco, we've spent enough time here,” she ordered the bag pile as she started walking away. “I still need to get the rest of my materials, and my spa appointment is in an hour. Chop chop!"

"Ah! Ye-Yes Ms. Polomare! I-I'm ri-right behind you!" came an overburdened yet soft spoken squeek.

Well...that's not the voice I thought I would hear.

As the bags turned around and followed the stuck up, I was surprised to see a small, slightly chubby girl with pale skin and light grayish cyan hair.

Holy crap! How is she able to carry all that? And why are all the girls in this town stronger than me?!

As both those girls exited the store, I turned to Rarity who was slowly starting to vibrate.

"So-"

"Ugh!" she immediately cut off my inquiry, grabbing her hair in frustration.

And there it is.

She grunted and groaned for a few more moments before looking to me with a scowl.

"Forgive me darling, I know it isn't very ladylike of me, but how I hate that girl!”

“Really? Could of fooled me,” I said sarcastically, which she didn’t pick up on.

“It’s true! She’s always acting all high and mighty, thinking she knows more about fashion than me even though she cheated to win!"

"Cheated? How do you figure that?” I asked in all sincerity since that actually held my interest. “Also, the heck’s Crystal Prep anyway? Another school?"

“Yes! It is a vile, deceitful place full of the worst people imaginable!” she said through gritted teeth.

“Soooo, your typical high school then?” I deadpanned.

“What? No of course not, the people there are-“

Her rant was cut short as her ringtone went off.

“…Ahem,” she coughed composing herself as she looked to me and took out her phone. “Forgive me for that outburst Mr. Bacon, that was unladylike of me.”

“Meh, I’ve seen worse,” I shrugged.

“Right…excuse me,” she said as she answered her cell.

Okay, so clearly there’s some interschool drama between the hell hole I’m enrolled in and the rich kids’ school. So not my problem, though all my kidnappers probably have beef as well, I pondered as she finished her conversation.

"That was Applejack, the others are finished with their excursions and are waiting for us at the food court. Let me just buy this dress and we'll be on our way."

“But wait, what about going to a store that I-“ and she ignored me as she walked off to the register, still a bit steamed under the collar.

…Bitch, I huffed. The only difference between you and that Suri snob is you and your psycho friends kidnapped me first! A dollar is a dollar, but for this you all better buy me a couple tacos and some churros at the court.

Grumbling to myself, I followed the still pissed off girl out of the store once she bought the dress. She didn’t engage me in idle chatter as we walked which was fine by me.

Maybe her sour mood will convince the others to cut this stupid thing off, I thought half hopefully.

Sadly, all that hope was for nothing.





As far as mall food courts went, this one wasn't too bad. It was on the first floor (of four) and was in the direct center of the mall, so there was easy access to it from all sides. Plus from what I could tell most of the restaurants and food joints surrounded it so there wasn't too much a hassle to get your food and find at seat.

Of course easy access also gave it the disadvantage of being crowded as hell, and somehow even louder then what you'd think possible. The chattering alone was enough to give me a migraine, and that was before the screaming kids, mall music, chefs calling order numbers out, and the heavy load I was carrying.

Yet another pain Pinkie has brought upon me.

I continued to follow Rarity, who seemed to calm down slightly from her encounter with that Suri girl, but I could tell she was still fire and brimstone on the inside. 

Eventually she managed to spot my other kidnappers in the sea of color that was the food court, and we started to make our way over to them. As we got closer I noticed that only Rainbow and McJapple were there, both with some shopping bags of their own by their side.

Go figure, the one that dragged me into this is the last one to show up. Typical.

We reached the table and almost immediately Rarity sat down and put her head on the table and let out a frustrated groan. I too let out a groan, but for a completely different reason. I got a break from carrying the damn bags. 

"Wow Mike, you were only with Rarity a few hours and she's already tired of ya. Must be a new record,” Rainbow quipped as I gave her a tired glare.

"Don't look at me, the culprit is elsewhere. And for your information the fastest time a person got annoyed at me was at least ten seconds."

“Ten Seconds?” she asked both curious and skeptical.

"Coach Spitfire," I said as I rubbed my temple.

“Ah,” Rainbow nodded in understanding.

“I can see that,” the cowgirl agreed before giving me the stink eye, “But you do have this effect on folks. What did you do?”

"Oh please Jack, if I wanted to annoy her I would have done a much better job of it. There's no way she would even be five feet near me if I were trying,” I said sounding offended.

"Jack?" she asked tilting her head in confusion.

"Look I've ran out of funny twists to your name, so I’m just using a shortened version for now," I admitted. Rainbow snorted at this, but as usual, the orange girl scowled at me.

"And what, pray tell, is wrong with my name that you refuse to use it?"

Oh what's this I hear? Another chance to get back at the girl with the stick up her ass? Why I do believe I shall heed this call!

"Oh no no, nothing is wrong with it, it's a perfectly good name," I said before smiling like a troll, “I mean aside from the copyright strike hanging over it constantly."

And at that, she just looked confused, Rainbow didn’t even get the jab.

Really? I spout gold and you idiots are too dumb to get the joke? I mentally groaned.

Before either of us could continue this back and forth though, Rarity groaned and gave both of us a flat look.

"As much as I appreciate playful teasing between friends, I must ask the both of you to hold off on any bickering. Especially since Mr. Bacon is not the source of my frustration at the moment."

Uh hello? We're not friends, she’s the one person who gets that! And that wasn't teasing! That was a straight up clever insult to her cereal name!

To her credit Jack seemed to back off after one more pointed look in my direction.

"Ah won't start nothin as long as he don't. Just don’t go calling me a guy’s name bucko,” she threatened.

“Alright fine Jackie, is that better?”

Her eye still twitched at that, but she didn’t say anymore.

Ha! Victory by default Jackie, and technically that can be a guy’s name too.

Surprisingly it was Rainbow Dash who decided to change topics before any more “playful teasing” could be thrown around.

“So Rares, what’s got you all riled up?”

"Oh I just had to deal with that unpleasant Suri Polomare girl from that dreadful Crystal Prep Academy! That girl never ceases to get on my nerves!”

At the mention of Crystal Prep both Jackie and Rainbow glared and for once not because I said anything to piss them off.

Called it. Full of unnecessary “School Spirit” that you hate on others just because of where they learn, I rolled my eyes. Though maybe if I get them talking crap about it, they won’t feel in the mood to tour anymore and take me the hell home.

So with a goal in mind I put on a confused look as I asked,

"Okay, so this Crystal Pre-*slam*AH WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Crystal Prep Academy! Why are you talking about those meanie mean pants?!"

My question was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the source of my problems, Pinkie. Of course her just popping out of nowhere was enough to scare the crap out of me, but to add to that she just had to slam a tray full of food onto the table as well!

"Whoa Mikey! Why do you look so freaked out? *GASP* Did you see a ghost!?"

Oh yeah sure, that's it! I saw a ghost Totally not because you just jump scared me with a tray of food you psycho!

Applejack looked amused by my reaction, and Rainbow was snorting, trying not to burst out in laughter.

Oh screw you guys. You may be used to her teleporting antics, but I sure as hell ain’t going to accept it. It’s not normal!

“*GASP* You guys, what if we were the ones who were the ghosts all along?” Pinkie said idiotically as the others rolled their eyes’ playfully.

“There was no ghost! Just some cotton candy nightmare who doesn’t know tact!” I spat out. The others looked to me aghast, especially Jackie who sent more killing intent my way than normal. Thankfully my sarcastic insult flew right over her head.

“Tee hee hee, that sounds like a silly thing to be afraid of Mikey,” Pinkie laughed and sat down. “Though I’d rather see that then one of those meanie pants prep kids.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I don’t particularly care about what I’m guessing is a rival school bu-“

"As well you shouldn’t darling,” Rarity interrupted me yet again making me grit my teeth. “Crystal Prep is a private school in town and home of The Shadowbolts. They are a pristine, elite school that only accepts the 'best of the best' and is known for its graduating students having some of the highest grades and sports accomplishments in the county."

"Pfft," Rainbow rolled her eyes as she leant back in her chair and rested her legs on the table, "Best of the best my butt! They’re just a bunch of rich snobby jerks who think they’re better than everyone else!"

"Not to mention they are always obsessed with winning,” Jackie added her two cents. “Don't matter how, they just have to win, and ruin the fun for the rest of us."

"And there parties are, like, super boring! All they do is stand around and talk about grades or studying, and there's never any cake! What kind of party doesn't have cake?!"

“Pinkie, that was a study session you crashed,” Jackie pointed out.

“So?! At least we have snacks and confetti and balloons when we prepare for a test!”

“Because of you,” Rainbow said.

“Exactly!”

Ignoring this sidetrack, Rarity continued on with how bad they were.

"The school’s entrance fee is also quite high, so usually only the most well off students can enroll there. I've heard you could also get in if your family is an alumni of the school or get recommended, but besides that it is just a very well off and respected school of the community."

I couldn't help but quirk my brow at the way she seemed to spit out 'respected.’

Sounds like someone tried to get in and got rejected. Wouldn’t put it past you to hold a grudge like that, I assumed before I asked aloud,

"So you say they’re a well off and respected school, and yet you claim that Suri chick cheated? Sounds contradictory."

Rainbow let out a dry chuckle at that.

"That's the thing, everyone knows they cheat nine times out of ten, but no one can prove it! They pay off the judges or are just too sneaky to get caught."

"Wait, so you’re telling me that this school is just full of jerks who cheat to win and the only reason they haven't been caught is because they’re rich jerks with influence?" I asked a bit skeptically.

“Yup,” Pinkie chirped.

“That’s right,” Rainbow nodded.

“Darn Tootin,” Jackie agreed.

“Indubitably,” Rarity finished.

Not one of them hesitated. I let out a small groan as I held my forehead yet again.

Either that’s true, or these are some salty sore losers. Either way, this town is chock full of stereotypical clichés.

“Yeah, they are pretty frustrating Mikey. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!” Pinkie cheered, further adding to my migraine.

“Okay, yeah sure, the consensus is that messing with anyone from that place is a big no-no, I get it. Can we please eat already so I can go home? I’ve already wasted enough gaming time today.”

The only response I got were three pairs of rolled eyes and giggling, you can guess who did what. And like that I had to spend another hour with those girls and was forced to make conversation as we all ate. At least I got my damn tacos, but every second having to deal with the banes of my life in that infernal mall was one second shorter cut down on my life span.

…

…

…

Okay...maybe 'banes of my life' might be a bit of a overreaction, but it still sucked.

Anyway, after we ate the girls finally decided to leave to continue the tour of the town, and of course we didn’t get to go to a game shop or anything I would have enjoyed. And since I was still getting paid, I had to haul Rarity’s crap out to the car.

"Are you sure you don't need any help there?” Jackie offered. “Those bags look awfully heavy, and I don't think you’re doing a good job holding all them."

I just sent a glare AJ's way as I continued to stubbornly carry the bags. While I would have loved to pass them off, I also didn't want to give her the pleasure of being right. I may not have a lot of it, but I do have my pride and I'll be damned if I fail what little I have!

Now if only...I could use that pride...to help me carry all this crap!

And with that I ignored Jack and Rainbow's laughter at my struggle, and just hoped that the tour would end as soon as possible before I was forced to do anything else.





The rest of the tour was, well… I hate to admit it but it wasn't too bad. At least it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Unlike at the mall, my kidnappers thankfully did not spend three freaking hours at each place they showed me. Instead it was a simple drive by and explanation of what I was shown. Of course we had to do a few laps around some of the locations because apparently Rainbow didn’t quiet grasp the need to slow down.

She had to have broken at least three different driving laws just at the park alone, but there was never any red and blue lights behind us so who knows. 

For all I know with this freaking town and their bright colors, they might have their own rules and laws altogether, I thought as the scenery buzzed past my window.

Seriously, some of the buildings there could give Dr. Seuss a run for his money. There was at least three different purple buildings and like eight different green ones of various shades. 

I'd hate to get lost in this place while being color blind, I'd seriously doubt I'd be able to ever find my way if that was the case.

Odd choice of building color aside, this town had an oddly diverse range of businesses. When I first got here on the bus I figured it would be like any other medium-sized town. A few chain stores and restaurants here and there, some family owned businesses sprinkled about, and at least a dozen car dealerships placed right across from each other just to piss the other off, but surprisingly enough, there was almost none of that around. It was almost entirely local businesses which the girls informed me were family owned. 

There weren't that many that stood out to me, but the ones that did were...interesting to say the least. There was this weird looking herbal shop called Zecora's Alchemy, a shop that only sold hats called the House of Hats, a clothing store that Rarity apparently worked part-time at called the Carousel Boutique, and there was even a freaking spa of all things.

And I don't mean one of those 'spas' that literally just one run-down building where someone gives ya a terrible massage and overcharges you for it, I mean like a legit full blown spa! It was a huge freaking building that covered the entire side of the street, and according to Rarity the mud baths there are 'to die for.'

Besides that and a few other oddities there was some more normal things you'd see in a town. A few fashion stores, and very nice looking library made to look like a tree, a local flea market and even a mini-mart. The town also had its own hospital and Observatory, which strangely looked a bit run down despite being open, but I figured maybe there weren’t that many sciency types around to spruce it up.

While on the tour my kidnappers made a quick stop at the animal shelter that Flubber was volunteering at. I, of course, decided to just wait outside, but that, sadly, only lasted a few minutes before Pinkie busted out of the building and dragged me inside. I then found myself staring at Flubber...or at least at the curtain of hair she had been hiding behind the moment I came in. What followed was ten minutes of excruciating awkward silence that only came to an end when Jack noticed how late it was getting, and decided that it was time to go. So she just dragged me out of there along with Rainbow and my other two kidnappers and back to Rainbow's car.

Eventually the drive took us to a sea of apple trees that went way beyond my field of vision. 

Apparently Jackie’s family owned an entire apple grove, which if my math was right, made her as rich as Rarity.

The only reason we were here, besides it being 'an awesome hangout spot' was apparently AJ needed to get home soon due to some family work. 

I guess life on the farm means shorter curfews. At least I won’t have to deal with her much longer, I thought in gratitude. I wanted her to help Pinkie see the truth about me and give up, but even I could only take so much concentrated mutual hatred for one day. 

Still, looking as the sun started dipping low in the sky at the sea of green and red was oddly cathartic.

"I know, it’s a great view. Nothing but my family's apple trees as far as the eye can see," she said with pride with her hands on her hips.

For some reason Pinkie Pie and the others decided it would be a brilliant idea for her to guide me around the farm while they stayed in the car.

I guess they’re not as oblivious to our disgust as they pretend to be. Sadly, this ain’t gonna make us friends, I thought tiredly. Or they’re trying to get her to kill me…

The apple trees did stretch on for miles, and aside from the people who drove me, no one else knew I was there.

She could bury my body and nobody would ever find me, I thought with a shiver. But Pinkie wouldn’t allow that…would she? I know she’s annoying, but it doesn’t fit her repertoire…unless this was all one huge set up!

Being a bit paranoid, I staid a few more feet back from Applejack and kept my eye out for any rusty axes or machetes.

“We make lots of products from these here trees. Apple cider, apple pie, apple fritters, apple jam, and countless others,” she said picking one of the fruits down and biting into it.

"You do realize this just gives me more ammo to poke fun at your name right? You’re literally named after your family's namesake.” She just rolled her eyes at that.

"I don't care. You can poke fun at my name as much as you want, but you will never make me feel ashamed of it."

"I'm not trying to make you feel ashamed, all I'm saying is that there are way too many easy jokes to make about this is all."

She looked over to me with a raised brow as she said in a dull tone,

"And I suppose it’s too much for you to not make them jokes?"

"Eh, depends on who I'm mocking,” I shrugged. “The fact that you haven't punched my face in yet kinda makes it hard to stop.” She gave me a defeated sigh, before she started to walk away.

"Whatever you say, now get on back to the others. I feel more exhausted just from talking to you, and I think we can both agree that we've had enough of each other’s company for one day."

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say Jackie," I agreed as I made my way back to Rainbow’s car.

"Oh, one more thing Bacon," she called out. Groaning and sagging my shoulders I looked back to her.

"Remember what I told you at Sugarcube Corner. You hurt Pinkie again, and I'll make sure those bullies will be the least of your problems."

“Of course you will,” I nodded. “So do your job and get her to give up on me so that won’t happen.”

After a nod from her, we both turned around and kept walking, not looking back.

Finally! Now let’s get rid of the other problem children and go home. My gaming schedule is already in the tank at this point, and I’m going to have to make another one anyway.






SOMETIME LATER


Finally! Home sweet home! I thought this day would never end!

After a few more stops that left me wondering if the town’s builders didn't understand basic safety,

Seriously, who builds a firework emporium next to a open flame cook-out site?!

The others decided it was time to call it a day. Rainbow first dropped off Rarity, who surprisingly lived only a few blocks away from me.

I figured someone who could afford to spend that much on clothes would be living in some fancy rich neighborhood, I wondered as I looked at the stack of bills she had given me. Unless she’s just pretending. Either way, mine now. I’m just glad her dad carried all that crap inside. He was a big dude with an eviable moustache, so I made a mental note not to get on his bad side. 

But after that, I was finally, finally brought back to my home. If I hadn’t been so drained physically and emotionally I probably would have bolted out of Rainbow's car and barricaded my door before they could say goodbye. As it was, I sluggishly made my way to the entrance, avoiding eye contact with that freaky statue on my lawn. Sadly, just when I was about to open my door into sweet, sweet heaven...

"Oh oh oh! Wait Mikey! I gotta say something!"

Oh God damn it just leave me alone already!

I gave a long, dragged out sigh as I slowly turned towards the girl who had single handedly turned my personal life on it’s head.

"What Pinkie? What else could you possibly need?!" My disgruntlement just seemed to amuse the crazy pink girl as she giggled before saying,

"Oh nothing silly! I just wanted to remind you that New Student Appreciation party is this Saturday in the gym! I can't wait to see you there!"

Oh right, that's a thing... I thought bitterly pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Look Pinkie, as much as I appreciate you doing this I probably won-"

"Oh it’s going to be so super duper awesome! I even got special permission from Principal Celestia to use the gym for the party after the sports clubs are done using it! I mean I'll need to do some extra work after school in return, but anything is worth doing if a party can be done!" 

I don't know how, but the super serious look she had on her face when she said that made me more scared than I had walking in Applejack’s field. My fear didn't seem to bother Pinkie as she returned to her cheerful self and continued. 

"There's gonna be confetti, streamers, awesome music thanks to Vinyl, and best of all the best pastries courtesy of Sugarcube Corner! Oh it is just going to super duper fun! Oh wait, I interrupted you didn't I Mikey?"

…

…

…

Son of a...she's good.

Not only did she put me in a spot where I had to go to the party by getting the principal involved, but she also made it so if I did skip out the repercussions would be too annoying to deal with. 

The last thing I need is the Principal’s ire for ditching something she endorsed. If I piss her off, she’ll call mom, and if she does that then…

I shuddered at that outcome. Let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pretty.

I severely underestimated you Pie, but I won't make that mistake again. This will not happen a second time, mark my words I will stop being 'friends’ with you you annoying Pink sack of Crazy!

With those thoughts I gave Pinkie a strained grin as I 'cheerfully' said,

"Oh yeah, how could I forget? I promise I'll be there Pinkie, now see ya later!"

Come on get into the house before she-

"Do you Pinkie Promise?"

-says anything else. Come on let me go into my own home already!

Not looking back to the pink girl I lazily waved a hand behind me as I opened the door.

"Yeah yeah sure whatever, I Pinkie Promise. Now have a good ni-"

“You Do?!” she shouted happily.

“AHHHH!" I screamed out in terror as she was now in my face, inside of my house, SOMEHOW!

"Wha-how you-that doesn't-HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN FRONT OF ME!?"

She of course ignored me.

“You said you’d Pinkie Promise, do you mean it?”

“That’s-I-Yeah, but that has nothing to do with how you-“

"Perfect! Now just repeat after me!"

“How did you get in my house when you were just behind me?!” Again, instead of answering, she started making a series of hand motions that ended with her poking herself in the eye while saying,

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"

“I…I…” I sputtered before shaking my head. “Fine, whatever!” I gave up and repeated the words and motions, despite them being kid friendly versions of the real chant. After I was done Pinkie gave another bright smile that encompassed her whole face.

"Awesome, now I know you'll come! After all breaking a promise is the worst way to lose a friend," And suddenly Pinkie was an inch in front of my face, and her eyes were hollow and murderous. 

Holy Crap! I shook in fear as she whispered in such a low threatening tone 

"Forever...!"

Nope! That's it I'm done! Michael Bacon has left the building and he ain't coming back!

“So I’ll see you then,” she snapped right back to being bright and cheerful as she skipped around me and out the door. “Night Night Mikey.”

Before she was even halfway to Rainbow’s car, I slammed the door shut and locked and deadbolted it for good measure. I slowly slid down the door and placed a hand over my beating heart, and I didn't dare look out my window till I heard that the car was gone.

I think I just sold my soul to an overly cheerful bright pink, cotton candy haired devil…

I decided to put off video games again that night, I didn’t have the energy, and as tired as I was, I doubted I was going to have a restful sleep.

These crazy ass girls are going to kill me, I thought in fear and annoyance, before I sighed and tried like hell to slip into unconsciousness.

I just hope I don’t have to deal with them until that stupid party.

…I would, much to my regret.
> Episode 10: Ketchup Stains and Nightmares Slain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days were relatively tolerable. Now I say relatively because I still had to deal Pinkie's friends during school hours, which boiled down to Flubber showing me up in Gym, Rainbow trying to talk with me in Geography, and Twilight constantly asking about more Manga recommendations. For some reason she saw me as an expert, so all I had to do was keep dropping names and she would leave me alone.

My biggest annoyance though came from Applejack being made my lab partner in chemistry class. For insane idiotic reasons the teacher decided to have us partnered up for future projects and lab work. ‘Doctor Test-Tube’ as she liked to be called, apparently had a pension for pairing together polar opposites in her classes, so she knew perfectly well that the farm girl and I didn’t get along. She even made a pun about chemical reactions and explosions about the whole situation, she wasn’t even trying to hide it.

Applejack was just as enthused by the idea as I was, but surprisingly we worked efficiently and quickly. Unlike other groups that made chit chat and small talk, we both focused on the project at hand so that we could get away from each other faster. She didn’t say anymore than she needed to, and I didn’t make any quips, mostly to avoid acid being thrown in my face, and it all worked out. Mutual animosity does have it’s benefits I guess.

But all in all, none of the girls bothered me outside of school, which was heaven in it’s own right. I figured that Pinkie either took a hint about giving me space, or she was waiting for me to drop my guard before pouncing. After the blatant death threat she’d given me, I sure as Hell wasn’t going to be complacent anytime soon.

But yeah, with my free time returned, I finally got back on a regular gaming schedule with two uninterrupted nights of button mashing in peace. I also got around to unpacking the majority of my stuff for the kitchen, living room, and all my collectible loot. All in all, not too shabby.

Of course that peaceful streak ended when Ketchup and Mustard hair tried to get physical.

It was Friday, and I was still on guard for Pinkie shenanigans. She’d been rather reserved in her antics on the bus and at school, almost serious in her demeanor, which set off all sorts of red flags for me. Two days ago, I knew she was a lot smarter than she let on, and was a master manipulator, so on that day, when she got all peppy again, I knew to be cautious. Her stupid party was over the weekend, so I figured it all had something to do with that.

However, nothing happened. No sudden jump-scares, no out of nowhere visit, hell she didn’t even try to drag me off to her friends table during lunch! I actually managed to get outside towards my tree (with Derpy, who thankfully had yet to 'Level Up') without any pink resistance.

And that put me on a whole new level of edge.

I was starting to get so paranoid that by the time my Gym class started I was already doing the assigned exercises just to keep my mind off whatever Pinkie had planned. Needless to say, the look on Coach Spitfire’s face was something committed to my memory despite my paranoia.

By the time classes were out and I had gotten my stuff from my locker, I was well prepared for the hammer to fall, so I wasn’t surprised at all when I was roughly shoved into my locker.

Son of a-That hurt you pink nutcase!

With that thought I grave a low growl and said,

“Damn it Pinkie! Whatever it is your planning I’m no-”

Before I finished my sentence I was turned around, and immediately relieved.

“Oh, it’s just you Condiment Head. You actually gave me a scare there for a second, thought you were Pinkie hehehe.”

My comment only got Sunset to growl in annoyance as she glared at me.

“For the last time, my name is Sunset Shimmer! Sun-set! Shim-mer!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say, but you’re right Condiment Head is getting rather old. How about Mustchup, or Ketchard? What do you call ketchup and mustard mix?” I responded with a coy smile as her face started to grow red in anger.

“You are really starting to get on my nerves new kid, and that is something you do not want.”

If I could have moved my arms I would have mockingly held my heart, but since they were pinned against my locker since apparently every single girl in school could bench press a truck, I just went with being a smart ass. 

“Aw, but I thought you were ‘at war’ with me? Don’t tell me you’re waving the white flag already?”

She just growled even more at the mention of her little declaration. After I had showed her up on the second day of school, she had been doing her damndest to get back at me. Rumors after rumors were spread by her and her two little underclass toadies, each one more slanderous and ridiculous than the last. But since I didn’t give a damn, they didn’t really take off.

If anything, they reflected right back at her, and showed her as desperate since many had witnessed our first powwow. 

There were the exceptions of course, but if anything, the believers of that gossip actually made my life easier. They avoided me and left me alone, which is what I preferred. If they believed half of the crap she came up with, I wouldn’t have wanted to be around them anyway.

And since no one wanted to be around me, it made even more of the rumors shrivel and die since it entailed me being active in other’s personal lives, which didn’t add up.

So, with my utter indifference to my social standing and the vicious cycle of her gossip imploding, Sunset’s attempts to ‘break me’ failed miserably, and now here she was, upping the ante as she gripped my shoulders even tighter.

“You just keep on being smug Bacon, and you’ll see just why I’m the queen of this school,” she hissed.

“Oh please, if you’re the queen then I must be the duke of Nottingham,” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve only been here for a few days and even I can tell that those Disco-Rejects run the place, you’re middle management at best.” To my surprise Sunset’s grip actually loosened at that and she seemed caught off.

“Wait...do you actually work for them?” I asked which caused her to stiffen, answering my question. “Ah, that makes sense actually. That’s why there’s no infighting between you guys. They’re more the mean girl behind the scenes manipulator queen bees, and you’re better at the physical stuff apparently, though they usually have guys for that. So does the one with poofy hair got some dirt on ya or…”

My words trailed off as Sunset’s grip returned tenfold, actually enough to make me wince.

“Those Bitches have nothing on me! They just think they’re at the top of the food chain, but they’ll see just where they belong soon enough,” she growled, though I felt it was more for herself than my benefit.

“Hmm, do they know that?” I asked and she gritted her teeth more.

“Just…just fork over whatever cash you got. I need to hit the gym and distress so chop chop,” she threatened.

“Really? You’re extorting me just so you can go run on a treadmill? There’s a track here that’s free,” I deadpanned at her. Even if I was carrying cash and willing to fork it over, there were a lot of better ways she could spend it.

"Are you seriously mocking me right now?!"

"What? No. I would never-Yes,” I said mockingly. Gritting her teeth hard enough to crack, she let go of me with one hand, clenched it in a fist and coiled it back.

So easy to rile up, I thought with pity. I braced myself for her punch which I’d been edging on because even after all the shouting, none of the bystanders were intervening, in fact most of them were watching with rapt attention. Typical, yet expected.

After a few seconds though, the fist didn’t collide with me. Glancing back at her, it was still cocked, and her fist was shaking, and she looked…unsure. I frowned as this put a dampener on my plan. If she hit me, I could get her suspended. It’s a method I’d used before.

“What are you waiting for?” I asked which caused her to look at me in confusion. “Just do it already.”

“I…You…”

“HEY! BACK OFF!"

She and I both looked to the source of that yell, and found Rainbow Dash parting the crowd with a scowl on her face.

Wait What?

"Well well well, if it isn't Rainbow Dash,” Sunset recovered as she lowered her fist, though she did still hold me pinned to the locker. “Do you mind? I'm in the middle of teaching the new kid a lesson."

"Yeah, I do mind. Now stop being a pain and let Mike go or else!" she demanded, squaring her shoulders up.

“Was that a threat?” Sunset asked with her eyes narrowed. “Did you forget the last time someone threatened me?”

That remark actually caused Rainbow to flinch back in surprise, and a lot of her bravado seemed to leave her. If that wasn't confusing enough, the crowd around her also flinched and started mumbling fearfully.

Okay...what the hell is going on with that?

"That's what I thought. Next time you try to play hero Rainbow, why don't you back off and remember your place."

With my would be savior looking less confident, and her focus completely off of me, I acted.

"Okay, getting annoyed now,” I interrupted her power play and got all eyes on me. “Can you let me go S.S. Hotdog? You made me miss my bus and the walk home is long.”

“What?” Sunset huffed in befuddlement.

“I wanna go home, I don’t have any cash on me, and you fumbled your moment to hit me. Just let me go so we can go back to me ignoring you please?”

Sunset, the crowd and even Rainbow Dash seemed bewildered by my calm tone, but before anyone could respond, a voice cut through the crowd.

"What are all you students doing?! Either get to your club activities or go home! No loitering in the halls after school!"

Aw Crap! Ms. Harshwhinny! I thought in panic. I wasn’t the only one as the crowd quickly scattered, and Sunset all but sprinted away from me, but not before one last clichéd threat.

“This isn’t over. You’ll break eventually!”

Yeah yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that ya strawberry blonde bitch, I thought as I smoothed out my shirt.

And like that the hall was empty save me, Dash, and Ms. Harshwhinny who gave us both one last shooing motion before she left the hall as well. There was a couple of seconds of silence before I gave a sigh, picked up my bag, and started making my way out of the building.

“Thirty minutes of game time lost because I gotta freaking walk. Thanks Shimmer,” I grumble. As I stepped outside and prepared for my long journey, I was stopped as Rainbow called out from behind me.

"Wait Mike, hold up!"

Groaning, I looked back at her and found her looking everywhere but my face.

"Look Rainbow, whatever you’re about to say I don't care. Whatever scheme Pinkie set you up on, I-"

"I-I'm sorry about what just happened!" she blurted out sounding guilty.

“…Huh?” I blinked owlishly as her words hit me, but Rainbow didn't notice this as she continued with her face towards the ground.

"I'm sorry about what happened alright! I thought I could help you out with that jerk, but all I did was clam up and be useless. I was an idiot, and I'm sorry I couldn't help."

A few moments of silence followed that declaration.

And I thought Rarity was the dramatic one. Maybe that’s just a thing for Pinkie's friends...

"Well you’re right about one thing, you really are an idiot," I said breaking the silence and causing a look of shock to cross her face.

“What?!” she exclaimed.

I just shrugged my shoulders and walked out the front door.

"Hey!" she shouted and caught up with me. “What the heck is that all about?”

"What, you thought I was gonna disagree with you on being an idiot? You stuck your nose in someone else's problems and it backfired on you because you didn't think it through. That's what idiots do, so therefore you are an idiot."

Rainbow just looked at my dumbly for my words, but that quickly changed to anger as she growled,

"Hey man, I'm just trying to apologize all right! No need to be a dick and make me feel any worse!"

"Okay sure, whatever,” I deadpanned and kept walking. “Honestly I had things covered before you butted in, so if you feel like you have to apologize at least do it for that."

"How on earth was you about to be punched being in control of the situation?! That's like the exact opposite.”

I rolled my eyes at Rainbow's inability to think long term as I explained,

"Simple. If she had punched me she would have gotten suspended for assault and I wouldn’t have had to deal with her for a few days.”

“Wait, you wanted her to punch you? You were planning on it?” Rainbow asked in shock.

“Yeah, I’ve done it before, though admittedly it would have been the first time for a girl doing it, but whatever,” I admitted.

“I see…” Rainbow said disturbed.

“Plus, I could have milked the injury and gotten out of being Spitfire’s punching bag for awhile too, but that’s all ruined now,” I grumbled.

“Wait, you think Coach would actually give you time off for a punch in the face?” she asked as my flawless logic seemed to fly over her head.

“Yeah,” I said simply.

“Bwahahaha,” she began cracking up which caused my eye to twitch. “Oh man, heh heh, and you called me an idiot?"

“Laugh all you want, when the chips are down, I can dramatically fake an injury better than a soccer player.”

“Hey, I play soccer,” she said in annoyance.

“The point still stands,” I rolled my eyes. “So next time you see a bully about to knock my lights out, don’t intervene. If you want to help, be my snitch when the teachers ask what happened. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Having reached the edge of campus, I began my long trek home. It only took me a few seconds to realize that Rainbow was still walking beside me.

"Why are you following me? Don't you have a car you can be giving people heart attacks with?"

“Funny thing actually, I needed my transmission replaced today, so my Dad has it. Besides, I live in the same way as you so why not let you enjoy the awesomeness of my company?" she said smugly.

“…Whatever,” I groaned as my eye twitched again.

I will never get these girls. One minute she's all sad for 'failing to help me' and now she's all laughs. Why couldn't I be sent to a school that makes sense?!

Ignorant to my thoughts Rainbow chuckled at my annoyed expression.

"Yeah, I know walking home with someone as awesome as me must be a huge highlight to your day. Besides, you’re lucky that Sun-jerk didn't hit ya. Coach doesn't let anyone slack off unless they literally can't move. I've seen some of the best runners on the track team hacking up a lung, and coach still made them run."

My horrified face must have amused Rainbow as she started laughing once again. 

"That lady is evil incarnate…Alright, that kind of work ethic aside, at least I’d have one less threatening annoyance.”

Still plenty of 'Friendly' ones though.

"Well actually..."

No...Don't tell me...

"Our school is all about getting both sides of the story when it comes bullying. And since Sunset is one of the big bads around school it’s kinda hard to get anyone to vouch against her. So even if she did punch you..."

“Every student is a docile sheep,” I sighed. “But hey, at least you would’ve said something since you hate her so much.”

At that she looked off to the side and said nothing.

“Oh God, you too?”

“It’s not like that! It’s…” she sighed. “There’s a lot of things to consider. Besides, Shimmer and the Dazzlings usually never resort to physical violence, it’s how they’ve been able to operate for so long. You seem to be the exception for some reason.”

Groaning in annoyance about how piss poorly managed Canterlot High’s system was I couldn't help but think,

God this place sucks. This is even worse than that time those stupid hippies got my old school to go vegetarian for a week. At least they got crap done and stood for something, even if it was torturous.

"Okay...if all that is a thing, then why did you bother trying to help me? I know Pinkie's got you in her whole 'be friends with the guy who clearly doesn't want to' shtick she's got going on, but that’s a weak excuse." To that, she looked confuse before she shook her head and chuckled,

"Ah come on man, what kind of question is that? We're friends dude, and friends help each other out...although admittedly I probably could have done a better job at doing that."

"But we're not friends,” I said bluntly. “If anything we're reluctant acquaintances at best and complete strangers at worse. In fact, I would prefer the latter."

“What…?”

"Look Skittles, you can drop the whole 'friend' act. Pinkie isn't here so you don't need to play nice. Just tell me the real reason you tried to help me out…Well? What’s the…answer?”

My sudden confusion was due to the fact that Rainbow had stopped walking besides me, and was now a few steps behind. What was even more confusing was the utterly dumbfounded look on her face.

Okay...so either I missed something or a UFO just flew over my head without me realizing it.

Before I could ask her anything else, she spoke up.

"You...you really don’t think that we're friends huh?"

I couldn't stop myself form rolling my eyes in annoyance and staring up towards the sky as I said,

"Okay I'm starting to sound like a broken record here. Yes, we are not friends. I don’t want to be friends with anyone, no offense to you or Pinkie. I just prefer to be by myself, and I'm pretty sure we've established that the only reason you've been all friendly is to keep her happy. Serious-"

"Nope,” she interrupted me causing me to look back to her in surprise.

"Uh...what do you mean by nope?"

Instead of answering me Rainbow started to walk towards me with determination in her eyes. I backed up a few steps, but she simply walked past me and kept walking.

"Exactly what it sounds like, you’re wrong, about the whole 'only doing it for Pinkie' thing at least. I mean sure I'll admit it’s weird hearing someone not wanting to be friends with someone as awesome as me, but I'm sure I'll get used to it after awhile."

Okay, my confusion has officially gotten onto the confusion express with tickets to confusionville. The heck is this girl going on about?

"Okay slow down Dash, just what are you getting at?" She gave me a quick glance before she faced forward again.

"Well Mike, it’s pretty simple. You’re a cool guy to hang around. You’re a snarky jackass that complains a lot, but you’re cool.”

“I’m cool…?” I asked in complete disbelief. “Have you even met me? The hell are you smoking?”

She snickered at that.

“See, like that,” she pointed out. “You’re always quick on the draw for comebacks, you crack me up even when you insult me, and let’s not forget our epic feather fight, if that doesn’t make us friends, I don’t know what does.”

“The feather fight? Are you serious? That was just some time wasting bullcrap,” I sputtered.

“It was still fun,” she smirked back at me, and stopped to let me catch up. “Oh and one more thing, you’re cool because you’re like the only person in the entire school that’s got the chops to stand up to the Dazzlings and Sunset, which is more than I can say for me, the most awesome person ever.”

“I-But-Wha-“ I sputtered and she bopped me on the shoulder.

“You’re a friend in my book, even if you deny it,” she said with a big smile. 

“Ugh, why can’t any of you take a hint!” I groaned as I pulled my hair. “Pinkie is-“

“Pinkie is a handful I know,” she interrupted ”And I know you want to be rid of her, but if you really weren’t her friend, then you wouldn’t go out of your way to let her down easy.”

“…You’ve been talking with Applejack,” I said realizing how she’d said those last words.

“Yeah,” she nodded before smirking. “For someone who doesn’t care for her, you’re sure going out of your way to not make her sad.”

“Yeah, well, I may be an asshole, but I’m not heartless,” I excused. “Besides, Ms. Yeehaw will curb stomp me if I hurt her again.”

Not to mention what that pink psycho would do to me with those murder eyes of hers.

“Hmm, and here I thought you didn’t mind getting hit?” she teased.

“It would still hurt Rainbow!”

She just laughed again at that before shaking her head.

“Even if you think that, you’re still my bud. I'll get you to see that sooner or later. Who knows, maybe if we hang out enough my awesomeness might just rub off on ya?"

I was so flabbergasted by her nonchalance that I didn’t even get to make a phrasing quip.

Great, now I got two of them thinking they have to prove that we’re friends, I thought in melancholy. Why didn’t I beg mom to let me stay in my old school?





The rest of my walk back home with Rainbow was...interesting to say the least. Rainbow kept insisting that I was her friend and I just kept rebuking her the entire time to no avail. Eventually the whole 'conversation' downgraded to the two of us just passing insults at each other while constantly going back and forth about how I was/wasn't her friend.

Once we actually got back to my house, after only half an hour, I was surprised (and annoyed) to find out that Rainbow actually did live near me on the other side of the block. The only reason I never saw her before was because she usually drove to school and didn’t take the bus.

But anyway, despite our conversation, she knew well enough to leave me alone and she went on her way with a cheerful,

“See you later.”

“Hopefully much later,” I grumbled under my breath.

Once inside, I prepped for my Bloodborne session. I got the usual supplies, chips, popcorn, enough root beer to keep a football team wired, and a few stress balls for the inevitable rage. With that prepped, I quickly scribbled out Ms. Harshwhinny’s stupid writing assignment punishment she’d given me and Rainbow from a few days ago. This ate another hour of precious game time, but it was necessary. Crossing that woman is a death sentence. 

With punishment homework done, I sat down in my favorite bean bag chair, turned on my flat screen with extra speakers hooked to it, and fired up the PS4. 

"Alright Amygdala, I’m coming for your ass!” I said in determination as the game booted up.

As soon as my character was on screen, I made a beeline for the fog door and prepped myself.

Okay Mike, you can do this. It killed you thirty plus times but you’ve learned. Just lame it out and don’t overthi-

*Knock Knock Knock*

"HOLY SHI-*WHUMP*!" I hit the floor startled as the controller flew into the couch behind me. I wasn’t expecting such a loud noise during such intense concentration, so I reacted accordingly. Sadly that distraction was all that was needed for the enemies I’d run past to catch up and slaughter my character as they stood dumbly in front of the fog door.

“DAMN IT!” I cried out as I saw the You Died notification once more. Gritting my teeth I stared daggers at the door and sure enough the frantic knocking started again.

You miserable…I was in the zone and you cheated me out of it, I grumbled before sighing. Well no use in pretending I’m not here, they definitely heard me shouting. God Damn It Pinkie.

Convinced it was the Pink menace I decided to try and head off her shenanigans at the pass, so I got up and went to the door as louder more rapid knocks came from it.

"Alright alright already! Hold your horses I’m coming!”

Opening the door roughly, I began my irritated spiel,

"Pinkie you better hav-"

"Just what were you thinking?!”

Only to be interrupted by a pissed off Purple Girl.

"Twilight? The hell are you doing he-"

Before I could finish questioning her, the secret manga lover ignored me and walked into my humble home without my permission.

"Wha-hey lady you can't just-"

"Seriously of all the bone-headed things you could have done, you just had to antagonize Sunset Shimmer again didn't you?! I know I can't force you to not do that, but I figured you had at least some common sense!"

These friggen interrupting harpies, just let me finish my damn sentences! I thought in annoyance.

"Okay, first off how do you know about that? Actually, no wait forget that, just get out of my house! This is like the second time you've barged in here!"

Apparently my demand fell on deaf ears as Twilight completely ignored me and started to pace back and forth in worry, once again off in her own little world. Oh, and to add to the fun she also started to ramble...a lot.

"I mean I knew this would happen eventually, but it’s not even the second week of school yet! How you can get Sunset that annoyed at you in such little time should be impossible-"

"Uh, Twilight?"

"Not to mention now you've got a bunch of rumors from both Sunset and the Dazzlings floating around, which wouldn't have happened if you just took my advice and kept your head low! And furthermore-"

"Twilight!"

"Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten into if Sunset actually went through with her threat?! She could have seriously hurt you, or twisted the story so that you attacked first and then you would be expelled! Or even worse, Sunset could ha-"

"Oh for the love of-SHUT UP PURPLE SMART!"

My annoyance finally was loud enough to snap Twilight out of it as she looked over at my red face in surprise. Now finally having her attention I took a deep breath to calm down before I said,

"Now listen Twilight, I appreciate the concern. I don't know how you found out about all this so soon but-"

"Oh, Rainbow told us!"

Trying to ignore my eye twitch at being interrupted once again I continued,

"Of course she did, but that's not the point. The point is that if you don't get out of my house right now I will not hesitate to use my water guns as a means to get you out."

Twilight seemed confused for a few seconds before a blush spread across her face and she let out some weird 'eep' sound before stuttering out,

"O-oh I am so sorry Mr. Bacon! I didn't mean to enter your property without permission, again! I was just so frustrated an-and when I was picked to check on you I guess I got over my head. I'm really really sorry!"

Wait, hold up! What did she just say?

"Back up a bit, what do you mean you were 'picked' to check on me?"

Twilight's eyes widened at my question, as apparently she wasn't supposed to let that detail slip. She started looking around in a panic, but once she realized that I was still staring her down and nothing in the room could help her avoid answering she sighed in resignation.

"Uh well, you see once Rainbow told us, Pinkie was really worried about you despite her saying you were doing okay, and well, It's kinda hard to argue with her without someone agreeing with her in the end."

I'm starting to get that feeling, yes.

"So she wanted one of us to check on you since she was busy setting up your par-I mean the New Student Appreciation party! The others were all busy, and Rainbow already talked with you, so they decided I should go. Plus besides Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy I'm the closest one near you so it wouldn't be too much of a hassle to get here."

Okay...that's a lot of information to take in. Apparently not only do Pinkie and Rainbow live near me, but so does Twilight and whoever this 'Fluttershy' girl is. Six of them was bad enough, but there’s a seventh? Ugh…

"Well its nice to know you all think I need someone to check up on me, but I'm good,” I said fully displaying my annoyance. “Nothing even really happened anyway, so I don't get why Pinkie is so worried or why you’re freaking out."

It was subtle, but Twilight's eye twitched in annoyance at that.

"Pinkie is worried because she's your friend and doesn't want you to get hurt or worse by those bullies! And you know full well why I'm 'panicking,' because you keep painting a bigger target on yourself!"

"For the last time, I am not nor will I ever be friends with Pinkie, or any of her friends including you. I just want to be left alone,” I put it to her bluntly with a massive eye roll. 

“Speaking of being alone," I gestured towards my still open door, "you've done your whole 'checking on me' job and it looks like I'm fine. Now get out and let me get to my game."

Instead of leaving like I was hoping she would, Twilight instead gave me this very annoying look of pity.

"Look, I was just like you before I came to Canterlot High. I thought I didn't need any friends either, but then I met Pinkie and the rest of the girls and I reali-"

"Stop, stop, stop, you can spare me your sentimental nonsense,” I interrupted holding up my hands, giving her a taste of her own medicine. “I'm sure there's some interesting story about you figuring out you were lonely on the inside and how it changed your life, but I don't really care. So once again, please take your soap box and leave."

She looked aghast at my steamrolling over her inspirational BS, which soon became a scowl.

"Ugh! How can you be so sure that you don't need friends?! Don't you think you need someone to depend on when you’re in trouble, or someone to help cheer you up on a bad day?"

Okay, some very unwanted memories starting to come back now, I grit my teeth as she made me remember. What is with these girls and friendship? It’s like some sort of religion for them or something!

“I don’t need anyone…” I told her sternly.

“That’s not true, everyone nee-“

“I Said I Don’t!” I said even more heatedly which caused her to step back in alarm and drop her backpack. Flashes from the past were opening up old wounds and I’d had enough of her zealotry for one day. Deciding that this 'conversation’ was going on far too long for my liking I glared right at the bespectacled girl.

"Okay listen Sparkle, I have been perfectly fine without friends for a good chunk of my life. I didn't need them then and I don't need them now! Especially with a bunch of psychos who clearly don't understand the definitions of private property, personal space and no means no!"

"How do you know that?!” she argued with her own heated glare. “You won't even give us a chance!”

"That's the whole point,” I growled. “Now do you have anything else to say that I can ignore or are you finally going to get out of my house?"

Her purple face flushed red with frustration as she threw her hands into the air.

"Ugh!" she cried out and started to angrily walk towards the door.

"You know what, fine! I'll leave since you’re so clearly alright, so at least Pinkie will be happy!” As she reached the door she looked back and me and barked, “I have to agree with Applejack, I have no idea what she sees in you! This is the last time I decide to come here, and don't expect me to ask you for more interesting literature anymore either!"

And with that she…just went through the door and didn’t bother to close it, angrily or otherwise. When the realization that she was finally gone dawned on me, I pumped my fist in the air happily.

“Yes! She’s gone and has given up on me. Finally! Two of Pinkie’s friends down, and two to go…or is it three with whoever this Fluttershy chick is?” I shrugged at that since I hadn’t been introduced to her yet.

Really, getting rid of Rainbow Dash is going to be the hardest before Pinkie finally gets the picture. Flubber shouldn’t be too hard, she doesn’t even talk, but this Fluttershy is a wild card…Oh well. 

With one victory down, I returned to my game and once more ran to the fog door.

“Second time’s the charm,” I said in determination as I went to face the cthuloid looking monster.

In the midst of the battle, I blocked out everything but my prey as I dodged, attacked, healed, and repeated.

“Come on…Come on…” I grunted in concentration as it was at the end of its ropes.

“YES!” I cheered in happiness as it finally hit zero and I saw the precious Prey Slaughtered text appeared. “Yes! In your face you giant bast-“

“What is this game?”

“AAAAHHHH!!!” I yelled out in shock and fear once more falling out of my chair and tossing the controller again.

As I fumbled around and tried to still my beating heart I looked behind me to see a very much not pissed off Twilight Sparkle staring at my game with interest. No not interest, she was transfixed as she didn’t even look at my scrambling.

Oh you have got to be kidding me...

“Twilight! What the hell are you doing? I thought you were never coming back and that you hated my guts and stuff?”

My tone seemed to snap her out of it as that anger returned, but barely at the level it was before.

"Ah-ah yes I was! I just…I forgot my backpack,” she said pointing to where it lay from where she’d first dropped it. “I was just going to grab it and leave since you were so absorbed in your game but…that creature you were fighting.”

“What about it?” I asked confused.

“It looked like something based on Lovecraftian Lore,” she said with intrigue.

“Uh, yeah, no duh, that’s kind of the whole premise of Bloodborne,” I said as if it was obvious.

“Fascinating…can you tell me more?” she asked. “If it wouldn’t be a bother?”

I...I don't even know anymore, what is today? You just ran out, I was rid of you. I…

With another sigh I quickly explained the synopsis of Bloodborne and how it was a game where you had to piece together the story yourself, and how it was beyond hard and that dying over and over again was normal. I emphasized this as I ran through several locations, hacking at enemies as I went. She seemed to soak up everything I said like a sponge. I could tell because literally all her anger was gone and replaced with interest and wonderment.

"Interesting...I've never heard of such a concept for a game before.”

“Really? These are from the same guys that made Demon Souls and Dark Souls. Pretty much same mechanics, just without the guns.”

“Yes, well my parents never really let me play the more violent games...or really any games for that matter when I was younger."

…

…

…

"Uh Michael...are you alright?” she asked in concern as I stared at her intently. 

"Alright, change of plans,” I said as I quit out of my game and started a new one. “You are going to sit on that couch and you are going to experience this game, understood?"

Twilight seemed surprised at my sudden demand.

"Uh, not to be rude, but we just had an argument and you kept demanding me to leave and you made it quite clear that you don't want to deal with me, so why-"

"Look Sparkle, there are very few things I can't stand in the world. One of those things is meeting someone who has never played a video game. Just saying that sentence makes my skin crawl in disgust at such an inhumane thing. So, in order to make myself feel better, you are going to experience playing this game!"

Twilight just blinked owlishly at my change in tone.

"But I have played video games before, it's just that my parents used to-"

"Na na na, none of that. Sit your butt on that couch and prepare for immense rage and gratification. After this we can go back to hating each other, but right now I have to correct this injustice."

Twilight seemed to be very hesitant to accept my demand, but after a few moments of what was probably an internal debate, and a barely heard whisper of, 

“Pinkie would want me too,” she sat down and started the game.

“Alright good. Now, when character customization comes up, it ultimately doesn’t matter since you’ll be covered head to toe in concealing clothing anyway, but it is your character so go nuts.”

And thus, that is how I spent the next couple of hours torturing and teaching Ms. Sparkle in the ways of the Souls-Borne series. And by teaching I mean cracking jokes and making snide remarks whenever she died while giving overly vague hints on how to play the game.

What? I said she was going to experience the game, never said I would be nice about it. Besides I considered it a small amount of payback for her coming into my house without permission anyway.

Besides, I think the whole experience more than made up for all the frustration she caused me. Why, you may ask? Well as it turns out good ol Sparkle, had a bit of a mean streak in her after all. 

"OH COME ON! I WAS SO CLOSE TO KILLING IT! AAAAGGGHHH!"

Yup, she was a Rager. Also known as the 'best' kind of gamer to watch play a game made by FromSoft.

"Well, Gascoigne does have a wider range in stage 2. You just gotta dodge better,” I said with a trollish smile to which she sneered at.

"I’m Trying! You know for one of the 'easier' bosses in the game he sure is killing me a lot more than I've damaged him! There must be some secret way to beat this thing that I'm missing!"

"Actually there is,” I said mysteriously and she looked over at me intently.

“Really? What? What is it!?”

“It’s simple really. Git Gud,” I smirked and she groaned in frustration.

“That isn’t helping! Arg!” she whined before putting the controller down and checking her phone.

"Ugh, I need a break to try and come up with a good plan to finally defeat that creature. Maybe something on the internet might he-OH NO I'M LATE FOR DINNER!"

And with that sudden shout Twilight all but jumped off the couch as she started to make a break for the front door, a look of pure panic on her face as she did.

Looking at my own phone I saw that it’d been two hours since she’d started playing.

Dang, guess watching a noob play makes the time go by fast.

I got up from my beanbag and cracked my back as I looked over to the still panicking Twilight, who in her rush seemed to be having trouble putting her boot-shoe things back on, but at least she grabbed her backpack this time.

"Oh I've never been late to dinner before in my life! I can't believe I lost track of time so easily like that! Oh I hope my mom doesn't get too mad at me for this!"

"It’ll be fine. First time offenders tend to get away with this type of stuff. Besides just make up some excuse that you were hanging at one of your friends’ place or something, they don’t need to know you’ve been awakened to M Rated Games."

Twilight’s eyes widened at my suggestion and she looked at me with a sincere smile as she finally slipped her boot shoes back on.

"You’re right Michael! I'll just tell her truth and that I lost track of time is all."

"That's right, a little white lie won't do any da-I'm sorry what now? The truth?" At my confused expression Twilight just chuckled before she opened my front door.

"You heard what I said. Things might have been a little...rough at the beginning when I came over but in the end I had a good time. I am confident when I say that you, Michael, had fun too. And you know what two people who have fun together are called?"

This...this can’t be happening! All that progress did not just-! Don't you dare finish that thought-

"Friends!” she said with an even brighter smile. “And I consider this our first official 'friendly hang-out!'"

Checking her phone again Twilight's eyes became panicked again as she ran out of my house.

"See you at the party Michael! And I hope we can do this again sometime, I will beat that boss!"

Finally finding the energy to use my voice I yelled out to the purple girl,

"WAIT! WE'RE NOT FRIENDS DAMNIT! I WAS JUST DOING A PUBLIC SERVICE!"

My shout went ignored as the purple girl continued to run down the block towards wherever her home was. Feeling a whole new sense of tiredness I gave a hefty sigh before closing my door and looking back at my TV screen where Twilight's character stood, a pale character with blue hair that she’d named Shining Armor, which seemed on the nose to me.

A small part of me was tempted to delete her save in the vain hope that the loss of all her progress would make her stop bothering but...well it goes against the Gamer's Code of Honors. Oath 13: Thou shall not delete, misplace, or abuse a fellow gamer’s save data.

As much as I didn't want to deal with Twilight, not even I could break one of the oaths. So with a heavy sigh I signed out of her character and went back to mine for a few more hours before answering the call of sleep. But not before one small, traitorous thought echoed in my mind.

I guess...I did have some fun. Even if I did screw myself over…God and I was so close too! There’s gotta be a secret I’m missing…






THE NEXT DAY


I was awoken not from an alarm nor the sounds of nature, but by the sound of my troubles made flesh...

"Rise and shine Mikey! It's time to PARRRRTY!" Pinkie Pie shouted, six inches from my face, in my bedroom in the middle of the morning.

At this point, I wasn’t even surprised anymore. I doubted the extra locks and furniture I planned to place in front of my doors would even stop her. She was a nightmare that could not be slain.

Staring into her expectant baby blue eyes I groggily pulled the covers over my face and groaned. 

God damn it...today is going to suck isn't it?

Surprise surprise, I wasn't wrong.
> Episode 11: The Party
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is to my immense regret that Pinkie breaking into my house and my room without waking me up did not, in fact, surprise me. She was like the Energizer Bunny on steroids, and far craftier and determined than I had initially given her credit for, so of course she could ninja it up as well. 

And despite my efforts to ignore her by using the old 'if you can't see me, I can't see you' belief by covering my head, she still continued to pester me in the most annoying way possible. 

"Come on Mikey! Rise and shine already! The party is gonna start soon and you need to wake up!" she exclaimed while shaking me back and forth.

"Five more minutes..." I groaned as my sleep addled mind slowly started coming online.

"Nonononono! You've got to wake up now!” she all but whined in my ear. “If you don't you might miss out on all the snacks, and the punch, and all super duper fun party games!"

“But it’s too early,” I groaned.

“No it’s not, it’s almost lunch time,” she informed.

Wait for real? Dang, must have played later than usual last night. I thought trepidly before sighing. But I might as well get up. Ignoring this will only lead to more annoyance or death via Murder Pie so-

"WAKE UP!" I felt my covers disappear and the wind rushing on my face.

Wai-what the hell just ha-*thud*

My face met the floor of my bedroom in an almost cartoonish fashion as I scrambled around.

“Pinkie!” I cried out as I shuffled my legs under my bed.

"Oh yay! 'Operation: Wake Up Michael So He Can Enjoy The Super Duper Awesome Party Hosted By Pinkie Pie' has been a complete success!"

"Pinkie...you know an operation name is supposed to be short and sweet, not the entire plan right?" I couldn't help but grumble from my position on the floor.

"Oh I know that silly!” she giggled. “I just couldn't think of a funny acronym so I just went with stating the obvious!"

Every minute we 'talk' I can feel my sanity slipping faster and faster...

"Well...you woke me up. You happy now?" I groaned giving her the stink eye.

"Yeppers!"

"Okay, well if you’re so happy then get out of my room already!” I demanded.

“Aw, but I just got here,” she whined. “And I don’t want you going back to sleep.”

“Trust me, I ain’t sleeping after this, but I really need to get some clothes on besides my boxers…” I trailed off as I emphasized my uncovered torso.

Pinkie finally took in my meaning and why I was partially hiding under my bed and her face suddenly went red with embarrassment.

“Oh! Uh…Right,” she laughed nervously as she slowly backed away through my door. “I’ll just…get that for you.”

She then slowly closed my bedroom door and I let out a sigh of relief before calling out.

“And don't touch anything! Trust me I will know if you do!"

"Okie Dokie Loki! I'll wait downstairs with Applejack!" she called through my door.

“Oh God, she’s here too?” I grumbled to myself as I started to get dressed. “Well, good thing she didn’t see Pinkie stealing my sheets. The last thing I need is to be caught half naked with her in my room. She’d probably kill me first and ask questions later.”

After getting dressed and making my way downstairs I found to my immense surprise that Pinkie actually listened to me and didn't touch any of my stuff, as apparently she just decided to sit on my couch. Applejack, on the other hand, decided to poke around with my game collection.

"Ahem!” I cleared my throat loudly as she was looking at Mortal Kombat XL. “You know that just adds 'attempted robbery' to your list of charges aside from 'breaking and entering' for the third time?"

Applejack just gave me a side brow at my jab as she put my game down and turned to me.

"I don't think looking at your games counts as 'attempted theft.’ Besides this is the first time I've been in yer place, and..." she took a quick glance around the room before finishing, "I am mighty surprised at how clean it is. Half expected yer place to be covered in junk food wrappers and pizza boxes."

"Even I have a standard of living Jackie, I live like you do, aside from the constant fertilizer smell at least."

Applejack glared at my jab as she responded,

"Yer place may be clean, but yer taste in games sure ain't. I mean, how many editions of the same game do ya need?”

Oh you did not just insult a gamer’s choice of art! It. Is. On!

I opened my mouth to give the mother of all burns in the name of my precious games, but before I could even get a word out Pinkie interrupted our squabbling, no doubt trying to play the peacekeeper between two arguing 'friends.'

"I don't know AJ, some of these games look super fun! I mean sure I prefer those party games we all play together, but look at this! A game about lollipops and zombies, how awesome is that!?"

Both me and Applejack shared a look at Pinkie's excitement for a game I will not apologize for owning, but the both of us got the hint to let our squabble drop.

"Right...anyway just so you know I do happen to own a farming simulator or two if that makes you happy. I enjoy mindless violence...admittedly a bit too much, but I can enjoy a decent down to earth game every now and then. Besides the Harvest Moon series is freaking awesome.” She seemed a bit surprised at that, and not at all insulted.

Huh, guess she really loves farming, I thought before turning to Pinkie.

"Anyway, I know I'm going to regret asking this but...how the hell did the two of you get in here? I know I locked the door last night so..."

"Oh that's easy silly! I just picked your lock and got in through the front door!"

“Wait what? You said you had a key!” Applejack exclaimed in surprise

Huh...I was expecting some overly-complicated explanation...guess that works too. Also, great the pink nutcase can pick my locks, just what I needed to know. How gullible is Ms. Yeehaw to think I’d give Pinkie a key?

"That’s a crime you know? I could actually get you arrested for breaking and entering since you confessed," I deadpanned.

"Oh that's just silly!” she giggled as was her custom when faced with anything logical. “Why would I be arrested for entering my friend’s house without their knowledge while they slept?”

Even Applejack was giving Pinkie a look of deadpanned disbelief at that.

"What?" she asked innocently.

I just rubbed my brow in frustration at Pinkie's lack of...well logic and gave a tired sigh.

Just woke up and I already don't want to talk to anyone for the rest of the day. And I still have a party to go to...ugh

I tried my best to keep my annoyance hidden on my face as I walked over to my kitchen to grab a quick breakfast of Pop Tarts and Milk. Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but I had no intention of sharing pancakes or waffles with two home invaders.

Although that didn’t stop Applejack from helping herself to one of my apples, and yes I do keep fresh fruit in my house despite my pension for meat and junk food. I’m not that unhealthy. But yeah you could not even comprehend how hard it was to restrain myself from making a crack at Applejack eating an apple. The joke just writes itself, but I didn’t want Pinkie mediating again.

The strain of not mocking her though was evidenced on my face since raised a brow at me.

“So I get why Pinko over there is here, but how’d she drag you here? She bribe you with some caramel apples or something?”

And I failed to not mock, surprise surprise.

Pinkie didn’t hear me as she was now perusing my games, but Applejack responded with a smirk. 

I do not like that look on her face…

“Well pardner, if you must know. I’m here to make sure your lying face doesn’t try and weasel its way out this.”

I knew I didn’t like that look on her face!

“So basically, you’re my warden to make sure I don’t go try and skip out on Pinkie’s party? Great, now I’m being babysat,” I grumbled.

“What? Like you weren’t gonna try and sneak off after we got to the party?” she accused.

“What, me? I would never dream of it,” I said sarcastically which seemed to aggravate her.

“Look in all seriousness I don’t plan on ditching. As much as I want too, I have a feeling doing so would lead me to an early and painful death that’s not caused by you.”

“And want, pray tell, makes ya think that?”

“I’m pretty sure the borderline murder stare she gave me after I made a 'Pinkie Promise' to go kind of gave off the impression,” I said shuddering at the memory.

To my surprise instead of insulting me Applejack actually nodded her head in solemn agreement.

"Pinkie Promise huh? Looks like you've got some common sense in ya after all," she said sounding somewhat horrified.

"Wait, does she give that evil stare to anyone that makes that promise?"

"Eyup,” she nodded and didn’t say any more which didn’t reassure me at all.

As I was shivering at the implications, the Pink ball of insanity herself suddenly let out a loud gasp of shock. Almost immediately after she did I found her face once again way too close for comfort to mine as she grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. 

"Oh oh oh oh look at the time! We've got to leave now or the party will be late for us!"

"Ah Pinks, ah think you mean 'we'll be late for the party,'" Applejack interjected.

“I know what I said,” she replied with a grin as she stopped shaking me and started skipping towards my door. And while the farmer gal chuckled at the display I wolfed down my pop tarts and looked at the clock.

Yeesh, 12:30. I definitely overplayed last night.

"Come on Mikey! We need to go go go!"

“I’m coming I’m com-“ I stopped as I saw all of my games spewed about all over the floor. Gritting my teeth I glared at the one responsible. “Okay first clean up the mess you made! You can apparently teleport, so just reorganize my stuff before we go to this party that totally isn’t just for me.”

She gave a sidelong glance at my scattered treasures and a small part of me actually thought she would show some mercy and agree to my request, and that I would be able to spend at least a few more minutes of peace at home. 

"Oh come on silly, you can put away all your games later, for now it’s time to PAR-TY!" And that small hope was quickly crushed and obliterated by a mountain of reality.

I was then dragged out of my own house and shoved into the back of a rusty red pick-up. No surprise that it was owned by Applejack, the stereotypical farmer girl, but also because Pinkie (thankfully) didn’t have her license yet. Rainbow Dash’s driving was heart stopping enough, I didn’t even want to live in the world where Psycho Balloon girl had a vehicle.





The drive to the school was filled with Pinkie chattering away like usual while I did my best to ignore her while giving vague responses and of Applejack silently glaring at me via the rear-view mirror whenever I gave said vague responses.

Thankfully the ride of annoyance and silent anger was relatively short, and we found ourselves walking through the halls of the school heading towards the gym on a weekend when any sane student would be at home.

Now I’ve never liked being in school after hours. There’s always something creepy about a giant husk of a building being silent as the grave that unsettles me to the core. But thankfully none of those jittery nerves hit me because the sound of rave music kept getting louder and louder the closer we got to the gym. Once we were standing right outside the main entrance the music was practically trying to break through the doors it was so loud and flashing colors and the silhouettes of teenagers dancing could be seen through the tinted door windows.

"Heh, and here I thought we weren't going to be late to the party?" I deadpanned.

"The party was going to be late for us Mikey! And well...," Pinkie scratched her poofy hair in confusion as she finished, "I don't know why it’s already started. I told everyone to wait for you to show u-oops!"

Pinkie's eyes widened and she covered her mouth in shock as the 'secret' purpose of the party accidently slipped out of her lips, but I just rolled my eyes at her actions. 

"So Jackie, got any idea why the party's already rocking then?" I asked the farmer girl.

"Ah...don't know either,” she said giving me a strange look. “The plan was for you to show up so we could surprise ya and all like Pinkie said, so yer guess is as good as mine."

While Pinkie looked at Applejack as if she just betrayed her in the cruelest way possible, I just mulled over everything.

“Hmm, well they either forgot or since they all knew that it was for me they probably just ignored the purpose behind it. There actually are some idiots that believe those rumors about me.”

"What! They wouldn't do that! My parties are all about having fun and I know they knew I was throwing this one for you to welcome you to town and for being my friend! They wouldn't start without you or me....would they?"

I couldn't see her face, but something in Pinkie's tone told me that any of my usual comments would lead to another crying situation, so instead I opted to just keep my mouth shut as Applejack comforted her friend.

"Aw don't get like that Pinkie, I'm sure that this is all just some big misunderstanding. Come on, let’s get in and find Twi and the others, I'm sure they can explain everything."

Or you could accept the fact that teenagers suck and will hijack anything when they don't have to pay for damages. That works too.

"Yeah, you’re right AJ! I'm sure everyone just forgot the plan is all! Let's find the girls and get Mikey's party started! Uh…Surprise by the way."

“Oh wow, you sure got me,” I said in mock surprise, and like usual my sarcasm went over her poofy head and she beamed happily.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes before pushing open the double doors of the gym. The rave music blasted through the halls at full blast, and the sight of every generic teenage party ever was displayed before my eyes.

The girls walked in together, and I could only massage my temple at the quickly forming headache I was getting as I followed them in.

Let's hope someone spills their punch and short-circuits the speakers before all these 'wubs' blow my brains out like in Scanners.





The music was ten times as loud inside the gym and the rave lights flashing around were so spastic that every time I blinked five different hues would go by before I even finished closing my eyes. There were also a whole bunch of people crowded around all over the place, and almost a dozen more all squished together on a makeshift dance floor near the back of the gym.

Around the sides surrounding the dance floor were tables and chairs, along with a buffet table on both sides near were we entered. Even the bleachers were pulled out slightly to make a rest spot for people tired of standing or wanting to take a break from dancing.

Basically, it looked like what you'd think a high school party would be like, although surprisingly there was no funny smells in the air and I didn’t see one beer can or bottle.

Hmm, guess even these yokels are smart enough not to bring that stuff onto school grounds, I thought impressed, though I did suspect the big dude with the dreads of having a stash on him.

Anyway, the minute the three of use walked in those around us stopped to look at us (mostly me) in surprise before not-so-subtly backing away. Well, not so subtle for me anyway, Pinkie and Applejack were a bit overwhelmed by the party at large.

"This...this wasn't I planned!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Where are all the streamers and balloons, and the party games, and Vinyl!?"

"What in the Sam Hill is going on?" Applejack sputtered as she whipped her head left and right.

Wait, for real? Huh. Figured loud and in your face was Pinkie’s style. I theorized. But Vinyl records? Didn’t figure her for a hipster.

“It was all perfect last night, the foods still here, but this is all wrong!” Pinkie whined as she started to hyperventilate. “It’s like black magic or something!”

Pfft, if only it was magic, I thought with a bit of pity. This isn’t some anime Pinkie, this is real life where lying thieves are everywhere.

"Oh Pinkie darling, it’s just awful!" came a familiar fancy voice as Rarity and Rainbow Dash broke through the crowd.

"Dashy! Rarity!” Pinkie cried out as she embraced both friends frantically.

“Hey, where’s Twilight?” asked AJ.

“I don’t know,” Rainbow shrugged as she slipped out of Pinkie’s hug. “She was online late last night playing video games and she said she’d be here but…”

She was? I thought in shock.

“But perhaps it’s a good thing she’s not here,” Rarity said patting Pinkie’s back.

“You’re telling me! What the heck is going on!? What happened to all my awesome party decorations and why isn't Vinyl Djing?" Pinkie yelled, pulling back from the fashionista.

"I have no idea where Ms. Scratch is, but when Rainbow and I got here with the other girls your decorations had been replaced with all those gaudy lights. I'm afraid your party’s been shanghaied!"

"WHAT!?” Pinkie shrieked at the top of her lungs. “Why would anyone want to take over one of my parties!? I mean who would do that!?" 

"Who do you think?” Rainbow growled as Pinkie started panicking even more. “It was those no good Dazz-"

"Oh my, am I interrupting a loser meeting?"

I am not afraid to admit I jumped and let out a small 'yipe' in fear as I turned around and backed away towards Pinkie and her friends. 

Damn music! I thought in anger as the people of Rainbow’s ire smirked at my display.

"A pleasure to see you again Mr. Bacon," Adagio's eyes seemed to scream trouble as she said that.

Oh that figures. If it wasn’t them, it’d be Sunset, I thought in annoyance.

I should probably mention that I hadn't had any face to face time with the Dazzling's since my first day of school when I insulted them. That hadn’t stopped them from operating the rumor mill though, and some of the crap that came from them made Sunset’s tales look like bedtime stories. I’d actually had to shoot some of those down because even the faculty had caught wind of them, and the last thing I needed was my mom hearing them. Let’s just say it involved a lot of slandering about my character when it came to women and leave it at that.

I could tell behind her hollow eyes that she was still sore from our first meeting though. Alpha Bitch’s rarely let things slide.
After giving me a smirk, she looked to rest of the girls, "Oh, and nice to see the riff raff as well I suppose."

Almost instantly the others all narrowed their eyes, even Pinkie.

"Dazzle-jerks,” Rainbow growled.

What followed was an intense stare down between the two groups, and the longer it went the more the tension seemed to grow. Any of the partying teens that had been near noticed the shift in tone and started making themselves scarce, but of course not too far as to not hear the insuring spat. Heavens forbid the masses miss out on two groups glaring at each other in high school after all.

And there I was, smack dab in the middle of it.

Ugh someone better do something soon or els-wait a minute! This is my chance to get out of here while Pinkie and the others are distracted!

While I did promise that I would go to the party, I never said anything about staying at it. I’d originally planned to keep to myself in the corner for an hour or two before ducking out, but with the drama mounting, I decided to expedite the process. I started to slowly edge my way towards the entrance,

"Oh hi Mikey!"

But then all eyes turned to me when Sonata called out and waved to me. With everyone’s attention now directed to me, I choked as I was put on the spot and I couldn’t come up with anything snarky or assholish to say.

"Uh...hi to you as well Sonata?" I mumbled and waved meekly. Her response was all but meek though as she overdramatically gasped, slapped her hands to her cheeks and started to shake Aria back and forth in excitement.

"See Aria! I told you he'd remember my name! I told you!"

"I can see that, now stop shaking me!" Said girl just growled at Sonata's sudden touchiness as she roughly pulled away from her.

Thankfully this little display broke the stare down. Unfortunately though, Adagio became smug once more and looked at me.

Damn It.

"I'm so glad to see that you remember her, but don't you think it’s a bit rude to just say hi to her and no one else?"

"Ah you’re right,” I nodded as I was able to get my wits about me “A fine hello to you Almon Drizzle and Area Blast, nice to see you’re both as stereotypically and outdatedly dressed as usual."

And like that the scowls replaced those uppity smug expressions as Rainbow tried to hide her laughter (keyword there is tried). But just as fast as those annoyed expressions began, they stopped as Adagio took a deep breath and said in a forcibly pleasant tone,

"Those aren't our names, but I'll just assume you haven't had the chance to memorize them yet. Now then..." She turned back towards the girls which caused them to stiffen up as she spoke in a faux kind tone, "I hope you don't mind the improvements we made to your party. We saw your set up and just knew how to make it better, so we took the initiative to...improve it."

"Improved!?” Pinkie outright glared at them in that scary face of hers. “I mean sure the lights were a nice touch and all, but you got rid of all my decorations and replaced Vinyl with...whoever that is!"

Up behind a DJ booth that had the stylized word ZEST was some girl around my age with green hair and headphones on, banging her head to the rhythm.

"Oh you poor dear, you still think balloons and streamers are appropriate decorations at our age?” Adagio cooed patronizingly. “As for Vinyl, while I won't deny that her music is interesting, a party of this caliber needed a more professional and mature touch. Don’t you agree?”

Geez why don't you just start petting a cat while you’re at it? Your hammy acting is worse than Sunset's attempts to be threatening, I thought in judgment.

"Look you Dazzle-jerks, you can't just go and change Pinkie's party for her! She's the one who worked hard to set everything up, and she paid for all the food! You have no right to jus-"

Rainbow's angry rant was cut off when Adagio held her hand up and made a 'shh' noise as if she was scalding a child. Rainbow looked like she was about to blow a gasket, but the orange haired bitch cut her off.

"Oh don't I?” she said in a threatening manner. “I don't know if you losers have forgotten or not, but I-we rule this school. We have full control over anything we want to, and unless you want a repeat of a certain incident, then I highly advise you remember this."

At the mention of the incident the girls and nearby eavesdropping students, stiffened up, but apparently that wasn't enough for Adagio as she got up in Rainbow's face and said in a low tone,

"You and your little friends are nothing but a bunch of specs in the breeze, and the only reason you aren't at the bottom of the social ladder is because I deemed it so. Remember that Rainbow Crash."

And just like with Sunset, Rainbow’s bravado just evaporated and her posture more subservient. Despite that though, she still managed to glare at the smirking bitch.

Okay...starting to think this incident that keeps being mentioned is more serious than just some crummy school prank gone wrong. Also wow, Adagio is straight up evil.

Apparently the Queen Bee was satisfied with her display of social power as she turned her attention back to me.

"Now then, as the real host of this party I find it only fitting that we should accompany Mr. Bacon as he enjoys in the festivities. Don't you all agree?"

When none of the girls made any kind of attempt to argue Adagio gave a smug smile and singled for her two minions to follow her. When I didn't immediately start following them Adagio turned back towards me and asked me in her faux sweet tone,

"Well Mr. Bacon?"

"Yeah, how about no?"

Once again a chorus of gasps filled my immediate area, though at least this time they were drowned out by the music.

"I'm sorry...what?" she asked in shock and anger looking like I’d just slapped her.

I just gave her a simple shrug before I said,

"Yeah, you see one of my favorite things to do is to tell someone who thinks they have the advantage in a situation 'no.' But if I must spell it out for you, there is no way I'm going anywhere near your psychopathic ass, you bitchy disco reject."

I heard Rainbow laugh behind me, and even Aria, her second in command started to chuckle. The latter got a nasty glare that immediately shut down that insubordination before she turned that glare on me.

"You...do you know who your addressing right now?!"

"Oh definitely,” I replied as I mockingly looked her up and down. “The queen bee of the school right? Literally in your case since your hair looks like a rundown wasp nest.”

The unforgiving laughter I got out of Rainbow and Pinkie, and the poorly subdued laughter from Applejack, filled me with unknown amounts of smugness. Not because I wanted them to laugh, but because getting the people Adagio had just put down to laugh at her not even a minute later right in front of her must have strung her pride like hell.

The fact that her two cronies had to physically turn away made it even better.

However, just when it looked like Adagio was going to lose all her cool she instead surprised me by taking a deep breath before her sly smile and patronizing tone returned.

"Well...you’re certainly an interesting addition to our school. But as much as you think you are in control, you're not." 

“The Hell I ain’t,” I countered. “I didn’t even want to come to this party anyway. The only reason I’m here is because of Pinkie, but since this isn’t even her shindig anymore, I don’t have to stay.”

“Ah, but that would be awfully rude wouldn’t it?” she smirked evilly at me before clapping her hands. "Fido! Rover! Be a dear and please escort Mr. Bacon through the festivities.”

"Fido and Rover?” I asked with a raised brow. “Did you actually bring dogs here like a Bond Vil-WHOA!" My insult was interrupted when I suddenly found myself lifted off the ground by my shoulders by two burly guys who look and smelled like the inside of a gym bag. I of course did the sensible thing and started wiggling like a fish, but their grips were iron clad.

“The Hell’s This?!” I yelled out as the two Neanderthals started carrying me away from both groups.

“Well since you don’t want to accompany your gracious hosts, and we don’t want you running off, insurance is needed,” Adagio chuckled as I was carried further into the throngs of people.

“Oh come on!” I yelled as I was swallowed up by the bodies, thumping music and flashing lights. Through the madness, I saw Pinkie calling out for me, but couldn’t hear what she said.

“Are you guys seriously making me party against my will?” I yelled at my two guards who merely grunted. “I mean, that’s what Pinkie was doing, but even she didn’t go this far!”





So yeah, Tweedle Dee and Dum kind of Weekend at Burnies’d me around the party while I went boneless in protest. This mostly entailed getting every clique it seemed to laugh at me as they even used me as a puppet to “Dance” to the music. And all the while, Pinkie and her friends were nowhere in sight.

This is the worst. This is the absolute worst, I thought in melancholy as the two meat heads stopped to talk to some girl who had way too much flashy jewelry on. Apparently, they really really liked shiny rocks and gems.

And they’re fanatical rock collectors to boot. No one cares about your stupid geodes!

After an ungodly amount of time as their prisoner, the two idiots eventually set me down near the buffet table where they proceeded to load up countless plates full of food…and just kind of stopped focusing on me.

Oookkkaaayyy… I thought warily as I took a few steps away from them without them noticing. Well thank God for small favors.

I looked through the blinding lights and countless bodies for an exit sign and saw it was clear on the other side of the room. I looked between the sea of people and my two wardens and bit my lip at my predicament.

Okay, If I make a break for it now, would they chase me? They’re not the sharpest tools in the shed, but jocks like them will do anything for a hot chick, and the last thing I need is to be away from eyewitnesses if they track me down.

I then looked along the food table and saw a few others hanging around it and I got an idea.

Or maybe that’s what they’ll immediately think. Why would I stick around? I thought cleverly as I inched my way behind some people and out of their site. Once they’re gone, I’ll give it a few minutes then sneak out in the confusion.

“Excuse me,” I said to some grey skinned purple haired girl as I ducked around her, cutting the brutes’ eyesight of me.

“No Problem,” came the most deadpan, bored sounding voice I’ve ever heard. The tone through me off enough that I looked away from my kidnappers at the girl. She looked a bit older than everyone else, and had on a plain dress, but the sheer blankness of her face put even me to shame.

Huh, maybe there’s others like me that got dragged here against their will, I thought as the bored looking girl went back to gathering food. And while there was a wide assortment of sweets and goodies straight from Sugar Cube Corner (Which I immediately snatched up) she was instead piling her plate with only bland foods like celery and un buttered popcorn.

I was honestly so caught off by sheer boringness that I ended up just staring at her for a solid minute, and she made no move to say or do anything that entire time either aside from eat her celery. It was kinda awkward, but it was just so off putting that I just couldn't do anything. It was like I was trapped in some time loop or something.

Okay man, knock it off! It's just some chick who looks dead inside, no big deal. Focus back on the two-Oh hey, they’re gone.

In my distraction, the first step of my plan had seemingly gone off without a hitch as the two idiots were nowhere in sight.

Okay good, thank you boring girl for shielding me. Now all I have to do is keep my head low and get to the exit before-

“HRK!”

"Mikey! I finally found you, and you managed to escape those meanies!” Pinkie bellowed as she all but squeezed the life out of me.

Suddenly finding myself in physical contact with Pinkie was not welcomed to me as I very quickly broke out of her grasp and backed away from the pink girl while giving her a glare.

Damn it! I was so close too! I mentally grumbled.

"Okay Pinkie, I'm telling you this now. No hugs, at all. Got it?" She deflated somewhat at my tone before she almost instantly went back to being hyped up on sugar as she gave me a bright smile.

"Okay Mikey, I'll hold off on hug time for now! I'm just glad we managed to find you before those guys could do anything!” she said. Looking beside her was Flubber surprisingly enough, with Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack nowhere in sight.

“Yeah, well you’re too late, they already treated me like a chew toy,” I grumbled before half heartedly waving at my gym partner. “And hey Flubber, nice of you to drop by my party.”

“Um…actually, my name’s no-“ she began before Pinkie cut her off.

“How'd you get away from them anyway?"

"It was pretty easy honestly, they set me down for a snack and just kind of wandered off somewhere. I kind of hid behind this lady,” I pointed back at blank face girl. 

Apparently even Pinkie didn't seem to notice her next to me until I pointed her out, as she let out a overexaggerated gasp at the sight of her before glomping the poor girl. Though considering she still had that blank look on her face I don't think she really cared.

Is randomly hugging people just a thing with Pinkie? How does she not have a restraining order yet?

Ignorant to my thoughts Pinkie stopped hugging the girl but kept one arm slung around her shoulders as she turned to me.

"Oh this is super lucky! Even though my party’s been crashed you still managed to meet my sister! Talk about super duper lucky am I right Maud?"

"Sure Pinkie,” the girl said in such pure monotone that it hurt my ears. Even through the pain though, Pinkie’s words still registered.

“Wait…Sister?” I uttered looking between the two.

“Yessire-Bob! She’s in college, but she came down this weekend to visit” Pinkie giggled while the now named Maud just looked at me as though I was a wall of drying paint.

All concept of logic and reasoning escaped me as I looked between the two polar opposite looking girls. My mind had almost gone into pure shutdown mode by how baffling the scene was. It was like the universe had just played some grand prank on the world and I was just now noticing it.

"I think you broke him Pinkie,” Maud monotone as Flubber waved a hand in front of my face.

"Oh don’t be silly, this is just the usual reaction we get when people find out we're related. Remember Twilight's face when she found out? Oh man that was ha-lair-ious!"

I was snapped out of my inner turmoil when Flubber poked me in the forehead and I swatted her hand away.

“Eep!” she flinched back as I pointed at Maud and Pinkie.

"So...you two are related?"

"Yeppers!"

"You two share the same parents?"

"Uh-huh!"

"If I were to do a DNA test, it would positively identify you two as sharing the same genes?"

"I don't know what that means, but sure!"

There were a few moments of silence between me, the two Pie sisters, and Flubber as the loud music and chattering teens around us continued. Eventually I just gave one, tired, very long sigh as I face palmed.

"Okay, sure why not? Cause this makes so much sense. Your poor poor parents…" I muttered.

Pinkie and Flubber just seemed to find my reluctant acceptance amusing as she giggled, though the latter was barely noticeable with how quiet she was. Maud on the other hand just kept her same blank look, which both freaked me out and made me jealous of her sturdiness.

“Well anyway Mikey, now that you’re away from those guys, do you want to come back with me and the girls?”

I stared at her hopeful expression for a few heartbeats before I shook my head.

“Actually no Pinkie. I kind of just want to get out of here before whatever Adagio has planned goes off.”

“Oh…” she said dejected, but what she said next caught me off guard. “I understand.”

“You do?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded sadly. “This isn’t how I wanted your day to go. I wanted to show you a safe good time that even you would enjoy, but there’s just no heart in this party.”

“Oh…so what you’re saying is that you don’t mind if I leave?”

She nodded at that, “Me and the girls are thinking about leaving as well. It looks like Twilight missing this place was a blessing, she’d have had a panic attack by now.”

“Heh, no kidding,” I chuckled which brought a small smile to her lips. Seeing my chance, I pocketed a few more baked goods and said, “Well if that’s the case let’s split before-“

"And there he is, the man of the hour folks! Seems he's enjoying the buffet at the moment, but who wouldn't when eating some of the best sweets in town?" Adagio’s voice echoed throughout the gym and the music stopped.

Hair standing on end, I looked towards the stage to see her and her cronies on stage next to the DJ girl, and everybody was turning their attention to me.

Shit! I’ve gotta get out now or-

Looking back to the exit, I saw the two meat heads walk in front of the door and fold their arms.

“…Son of a bitch,” I grumbled as Pinkie and Flubber looked around nervously at everyone.

"Now then, would the honored guest please make his way to the stage?! We have a wonderful surprise to welcome him to Canterlot High!"

I made no move to walk towards the stage, not wanting to fall into her ploy, but she obviously thought of that as she snapped her fingers. From behind me I heard the sound of knuckles cracking.

“What the hell?” I gasped as I looked behind me and down, and saw a guy half my size, yet filled to burst with muscle. He was just as butt ugly as the other two meat heads.

Oh great, there’s three of them. Of course there are, one for each of the Rejects. It’s like they’re the freaking mafia.

Realizing that I didn’t have any choice in the matter (not like I’d had any to begin with that day) I started walking to the stage so I wouldn’t have to tangle with the buff dwarf. I stole a quick glance at Pinkie Maude, and Flubber, and while both Pinkie and Flubber were practically shaking like leaves in worry, Maud still had a blank expression on. 

God I envy her right now, I thought wistfully as I marched towards my doom.

Once I was on stage Adagio snapped her fingers again and the crowd closed behind me, ensuring there was no escape. I tried to remain nonchalant, but the pressure was almost drowning me. Adagio then started dramatically circling me as her two goons stood off to the side next to some curtain hiding the rest of the stage, and both were recording with their phones.

"Now Michael Bacon, it has come to my attention that you have been at our wonderful school for a week now and you've yet to be properly welcomed. Now that just won't do, now will it everybody!?" she announced into her microphone, and everyone started cheering loudly.

Mob mentality…they’re eating right out of her hands, I thought with trepidation as I tried to remain stoic. Just don’t look at them. Don’t look at the sea of sheep.

She turned to me and gave me a smile that would make the Joker jealous.

“You hear that? They’re all so eager for what’s to come.”

I scowled at her with grit teeth.

“Just get it over with.”

“My my, aren’t we anxious?” she mocked in whisper before sliding her hand on my shoulder as she walked past. “Well, ask and ye shall receive…”

Following her movements, I watched as she stood with her cohorts next to the curtain.

"Here we go, count it down with me!” she called out before she and the rest of the crowd began chanting.

“3!”

“2!”

“1!”

I braced myself for whatever lay behind that curtain, whether it was embarrassing pictures, a burning effigy of me, or even pig’s blood. When she and the others pulled back the curtain however, I was not at all prepared by what I saw.

“HOLY SHIT!” I shouted in fear as I was staring down the barrel of two canons, yes you heard me, a Two God Damn Canons! I was prepared for a cruel prank, not public homicide!

Even in my shock as I stumbled back and raised my hands, I still couldn’t escape the projectile bucket as it was launched at me with a deafening boom.

“AAAHHH!!!” I screamed as the bucket lodged on my head, and I was covered head to toe in something sticky. Before I could get my bearings though a second boom echoed out through the gym and I was knocked to the ground by what could only be described as a ball of softness.

I struggled to get up from where I fell, and when I finally did I could hear the muffled laughter coming from all around me. I let out a low growl at that, and angrily struggled to get the bucket off my head. Once I had, and chucked the damn thing away, I opened my eyes to a sea of red and yellow...as well as stinging. Very, very painful stinging coming from my eyes as I stupidly opened them before wiping whatever was on my face off.

Groaning, and stumbling I frantically wiped at my face with hands that felt too thick and scratchy, but eventually I was able to get the goop out of my eyes. With my sight returned, I looked upon Adagio’s handiwork.

I was completely covered in mustard and ketchup and feathers from head to toe, and the laughter was deafening now. I looked to the mob of assholes and they started laughing harder at the tears that were caused by my stinging eyes. It was only because of the condiments in my eyes…I wasn’t crying…

I felt rage seep through me at their cackling. Normally I could ignore the mocking, the taunts, and the rabble from a bunch of nameless assholes, but the sheer number of them…Not even I’m immune to that.

No one is.

My anger only spiked when the chuckling of the one behind this reached my ears. I turned back towards Adagio and her two lapdogs, Aria holding up her phone while laughing and Sonata looking confused for some reason. But my focus wasn't on those two, no. My focus was on the bitch who was giving me another smug ass look.

"There we go, a proper welcome to our school! Aria's got the whole thing immortalized, and some decent editing will just make you a star. Unless of course..."Adagio leaned closer and held the mic away from her as she said, "You apologize for your disrespect and swear to be on my beck and call, and I might just consider deleting the video and putting this whole thing behind us."

If the condiments hadn’t been soaking every inch of me, she would have seen how red my face had gotten. My teeth were clenched so hard they hurt, and my fingernails bit into my palm I was clenching them so hard. I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to scream and shout to the heavens, and I wanted to wipe that smugness off her face. She got her jollies off making people feel small, and I wanted to bring her down to that level. I wanted her to feel the pain I felt. I hadn’t felt rage this badly since the day I learned the truth about her.

There were so many things I wanted to do at that moment...but I didn't because that’s what she wanted.

She wanted me to make a scene, make things worse than they already were so she could get it all on film. She wanted me to lash out at her, worse I think on some level she wanted me to steep to her level. She wanted to see me break just because I happened to not bow to her little game like all the others.

Sadly for her, I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction.

Pushing the rage into my gut I stepped towards her, wiped the mess from my face and forced myself to smirked at her.

“Gotta try harder than that…”

My response really threw her off, but before she could say anything else, I walked away.

“H-Hey! Where are you going?!” she called out, but I didn’t turn around. I ignored her calls, and the dwindling laughter that was slowly becoming awkward silence. I ignored the complaints from the faceless crowd as I smeared their clothes in passing. I ignored the goons who were apprehensive to touch me in my state. I ignored the sound of Pinkie’s voice calling my name as I made my way out of the building, and began my long walk home.





The walk home seemed shorter than before as nothing but anger filled my thoughts. Passerbys gave me odd glances and the like, but I didn’t acknowledge them. I felt my phone buzzing in my soggy pocket, but I ignored it. I needed my sanctuary, and to hell with anyone in my way.

When I got home, I shed my clothes and showered the crap off of me. The feathers tried to clog the drain, but after awhile I was clean. Immediately after that, I locked every door and window in my house, and pulled furniture and shelves in front of them for good measure. Then I threw my ruined clothes in the washing machine. Before I could start the cycle though, my phone buzzed again in my pocket and I hesitated for a moment. It buzzed again and I grunted as I pulled it from my sticky pocket.

Now that I was home, I was a little more willing to talk with whatever family member was calling since they were the only ones who had my number. I was still mad, but my rage had tempered after my escape.

“It’s probably mom,” I muttered as I cleaned the residual ketchup and mustard off of the screen. She really was the only one who would’ve had any reason to call. Well, aside from maybe my cousin, but I doubted it was her. 

With the screen clean though, I found it wasn’t either of their numbers, but an unknown caller who had been spamming me for the last thirty minutes.

“Who the hell needs to talk to me this badly?” I asked aloud as curiosity got the better of me and I answered. Almost immediately, my speakers blew up.

"Mikey! Are you okay!? Where are you!? Oh those meanie Dazzling's prank didn't permanently blind you did it!?"

“Pinkie?” I grunted as I pulled the phone from my ear. “How’d you get my number?”

“That’s not important right now!” she dodged the question. “What matters is where you are and whether or not you’re Okay? I’ve been trying to reach you for like half an hour!” I grit my teeth at that as I was beyond wanting to put up with her randomness.

“Fine, don’t answer the question. No I’m not blind, anyone with a brainstem could tell that when I walked away! And where do you think I am? Honestly?!”

“Oh so you’re home, that’s good,” I heard her sigh. “But are you sure you’re not hurt? That prank they pulled went way too far!”

"That wasn’t a prank, that was sabotage, and if you must know I'm beyond pissed at the moment. Now is that it or can I hang up?" I grunted in frustration.

The other line went dead at my question, causing me to sigh in annoyance.

"Look thanks for the concern and all, but I need some me time right no-"

"I'm sorry Michael."

“…” I paused at that. Not because of the words themselves, or how she called out my actual name, but how she said it. Her voice was somber and mellow and regretful, the complete opposite of the Pinkie I had had the displeasure of knowing. It was unsettling.

"I had planned this super fun party for you and it was going to be so much fun and you would have had a blast and maybe even loosened up a bit,” she said bitterly. “There were even going to be projectors screens with videogames you liked available so everyone could have fun with you. I was really looking forward to seeing a smile on your frowning face…but..."

The line went silent yet again for a few moments and I dared not speak.

"But then those Dazzling ruined everything!” she growled. “They…They…” 

"Made me a laughing stock in front of the whole school, and probably beyond once that videos up?"

"Yeah...that. I'm so sorry Michael. I never wanted any of this to happen..."

But it did happen. If you hadn’t kept pushing and yanked me from my home then none of it would have happened. You should have believed me when I told you how the real world works!

A part of me was tempted to say that aloud, to finally once and for all shut down her optimism and end her friendship crusade. I wanted to blame her and make her feel guilty enough to give up on me in penance. I would be hated for it, but I’d never have to deal with her again.

But the sniffling on the other side of the line stopped me.

"Look Pinkie, I'm pissed at those Dazzle bitches not you. They’re the ones that did this to me so...just don't blame yourself alright?" I tried to console.

It would have been so easy to pin it all on her, but deep down I knew it wouldn’t be right. She may have been annoying and a pain in my side, but I couldn’t hurt her like that for something that wasn’t her fault. I was an angry asshole, but I wasn’t like those disco jackasses.

"Michael..."

“Look, none of this is on you alright?! I’m angry…but not at you. So stop being upset already, I don’t need to add that to add to my problems.”

“Oh…Okay then,” she said sounding a little more cheerful and I sighed in relief. “Thanks for telling me that. Do you want me and the girls to-“

“No,” I cut her off. “I just…I just need to be alone for awhile Pinkie. Today and tomorrow to myself, can you give me that?” I all but pleaded.

“Well, if that’s what you want,” she answered sounding slightly disappointed.

“It is…please?”

“Okie Dokie Lokie,” she chirped sounding more like herself. “I’ll see you on Monday then if you want to talk.”

Not like I’ll have a choice anyway.

“Sounds good. Have a good night Pinkie.”

“Good night Mikey.”

And before a chance for more could be said, I hung up and shut my phone off. Sighing aloud, I turned on my washer walked into my living room.

“Adagio and the rest will get what’s coming to them. I’ve got all the time in the world to break their game…”

And with that, I began to play Doom to de-stress and forget about the awful day.






A FEW DAYS LATER


The rest of my weekend went by without too much trouble. Mostly because I stayed home for the rest of it, and Pinkie and her friends surprisingly heeded my request and left me alone. I had to give them credit for that. Annoying home invaders they may be but even they seemed to know that when someone needs some space they give it.

Sadly those two days were my only respite. Adagio was true to her word and the video got posted online. To make matters worse, my mom saw the video. I had to straight up plead, beg and lie to keep her from driving to me. She was beyond pissed and personally wanted to know who “Hurt Her Baby” as she put it, but I didn’t budge. I had plans for Adagio, Aria and Sonata, and involving my mom would get in the way of them. I was able to convince her that it was just a harmless hazing tradition at the school and that some friends had set it up. I don’t know if she fully believed me, especially with that friends lie, but she backed off. The same could not be said for the school masses however.

I was internet famous now, so the stares, jeers and laughter were a never ending grind as I went from class to class. It was extremely annoying, but I played mute and tried to ignore the notoriety, but the ones that got to me the most were the looks of pity. Some of the more sensitive hearted students and quite a few teachers wanted to consolidate me, and that was more annoying than any mocking.

I had to ignore the world in order to get through those days because talking would only open everything up. I couldn’t avoid the masses, but I did avoid the Dazzlings and even Sunset. Their work was being carried out by the others so they didn’t need to get their hands dirty. I didn’t even sit next to Derpy in our lunch spot to avoid dragging her into the mess. And so, despite their best efforts, Pinkie and her friends didn’t get a single word out of me as I kept my head down. She kept trying though, even when Rainbow, Flubber, Twilight, Rarity and Applejack saw common sense and decided to give me some space.

She just kept bugging me about whether I was Okay or not, just like my mom would do oddly enough. She wasn’t exactly breaking into my house anymore, but she still kept dropping by and ringing my bell on the off chance I would let her in, but I didn’t. And that’s how it went for the next four days.

When Thursday rolled around though, I reached my limit. I needed to clear my head and get away from where anyone else could bug me, so that eliminated my house. So with that in mind I, instead of taking the bus home, left my backpack at school and walked over to the town square which was the main entertainment center for the city. There was an arcade, a park, a bowling alley, and even a D&D shop, but I decided to save those for later in favor of the movie theater.

The Storm King Theater was a family owned place just like most of the town, but it still showed movies relatively around the same time that bigger franchise chains would. The biggest thing they had over the competition was snacks that didn’t cost an arm and a leg. After the week I had, a cheap escape to de-stress was just what the doctor ordered. I bought a ticket to the latest Romantic Comedy that Hollywood spits out every year and headed inside.

And yes, I do enjoy Rom-Coms because, aside from every single one of them being nearly identical and full of the same clichés, they are easy to riff on. Any straight up comedy couldn’t make me laugh as hard as watching the formula play out, and I really needed a laugh.

And as an added bonus, no one would think to look for me there, and since anyone else would go with dates, no one would give me attention as I sat by myself in the back.

Or at least that was the plan.

Surprisingly though, what happened next wasn’t so much bad as it was…unexpected.
> Episode 12: The Storm King Theater Presents: The Encounter!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I had bought my ticket from one of those electrical ticket things that I was honestly surprised a family owned theater could afford to install, I did the next logical thing and went to buy some snacks.

Like I said before one of this place's best features was the fact that their snack prices were cheap, ridiculously cheap I should say. Seriously I was surprised the place didn't go out of business with how low they were, but I wasn’t complaining. The less I had to spend on popcorn and soda was more money for future games.

Hmm, I wonder if it’s too late to try to get Pinkie or Rarity to give me money as recompense for the Party? I thought as I stood behind a rather long line of adults and little kids.

Oh right, that stupid kids movie came out. Why are the worst ones always the most popular? It’s still a school night for crying out loud, I grumbled.

Now normally I wouldn’t give a crap about a bunch of kids mobbing a theater since I wasn’t going to watch the same movie as them, but today was an exception. A few of the little twerps would give me double takes as they left the line after receiving their goods, and sure enough they would start giggling.

It was without fail that this kept happening and I groaned in annoyance. After about the fifth time, I sent a sharp glare to a group of kids who quickly shut up. And while their parents glared back at me, I just wallowed in self pity.

God dang it, how much longer till this line ends?! All this giggling is starting to get on my nerves. Stupid little punks and their remixes.

As I said before, I’d kind of become internet famous thanks to the Dazzle bitches, and while those in school found it hilarious, little kids especially loved seeing my humiliation.

You’d be surprised to learn that the original video actually had been taken down after word spread, courtesy of the Vice Principal. I met her briefly when she called me to her office since she handled student affairs. She was equal parts scary and clueless though when it came to how teens worked since, from what I understood, she’d called the Dazzlings into her office, had them take the video down, confiscated their phones for a day, and then done nothing else.

She’d called me into her office after that, when those three were sent on their merry way, and I was told my problems were over now that the video was down and that they would be apologizing to me soon.

I don’t know if she lived under a rock for fifty years, or on the moon or whatever to actually think that was going to solve anything, but she considered the matter close.

As I always say, adults are freaking useless in the High School Kingdom. For one, no apology was given, nor would it ever, and two, once something is on the internet, it never leaves. There were plenty of copied versions, and musical remixes of my shame.

So yeah, the Dazzlings got a damn slap on the wrist, and nothing had changed, aside from being the laughing stalk of a bunch of little piss-ants. All of this swam through my head as I heard another group of kids snap a picture of me.

If you’re going to force those pricks to take down the video, then at least follow through with some sort of real punishment! If not then what's the point of being in charge of student affairs anyway!?

Before I got too ahead of myself I took a quick deep breath to calm down. After all getting pissed off at a bunch of kids who didn't know any better was just going to cause me problems. However as the giggling returned I knew I had to distract myself before anything stupid happened, so I started looking around the theater lobby.

Unlike other theaters I'd been to in the past, this one’s lobby was surprisingly well kept. Usually there would be one or two soda stains, or a corner filled with abandoned popcorn, but this place was spotless.

Either the moviegoers in this town aren’t as slobby, or the cleaners here got good motivation.

And aside from the other usual wares of a theater, like posters, claw machines, etc, there were two things that really stood out to me. The first one was an Employee of the Year wall covered head to toe with the same person’s picture.

There has to be some bribery going behind the scenes, no one can possibly be that good at their job to stay on for that long. Though it is kinda cool to see them age over time.

The other thing of note was in the resting area. Smack dab in the middle of it was this large statue of some satyr-like creature with a nasty scowl on his face holding a wicked looking staff.

What is with this town and creepy ass statues!? Also, since when did theaters have mascots? The owner must be a big D&D nerd.

I stared at the strange statue for a few more minutes until I noticed that there was only one more family ahead of me and snacky goodness.

About damn time.

Now for some reason the family in front of me started to act more and more nervous after they ordered their stuff, as if just standing there waiting for their food was killing them. To my surprise the minute they got their food they booked it like a bat out of hell, heck the lady literally picked up her kid as she ran for the viewing room!

The hells got them freaked ou-oh...that's why.

The source of the family's nerves, and probably everyone else who was in line, was made evident by the scowling woman standing behind the counter. Her attitude just screamed ‘I’m Menacing’ with her death glare and the horizontal scar crossing her right eye, though it was dampened a bit by her dark pink mohawk and the blue uniform she was wearing. 

Those guys were freaked out by this chick? She looks like she just got back from some rave and couldn't wash the dye out of her hair in time.

"Are you just going to stand there like an idiot, or are you going to actually order?" the women growled at me, knocking me out of my internal mockery of her.

"Right right, sorry. I'll just have a large popcorn and root beer please."

The woman quirked her eyebrow at that, though because of my order or lack of reaction at her insult I couldn’t tell. She then nodded and tapped away at a nearby pad.

"Your order will be ready soon. It will only take a moment so long as those nimrods in the back don't mess with the machine inputs."

Huh, so the counter workers don't get the popcorn and stuff like in other theaters? Interesting...also wow lady you’re just a bag of sunshine huh?

And so with that said the two of us entered an awkward silence, her glaring either at me or everything around her, and me just blankly staring at the menu above her head.

Ah, awkward silence! How I missed you old friend, also ew who thinks 'Barnacle Flapjacks' is a good name for chocolate chip pancakes!? Even better question, who thought pancakes at a movie theater was a good idea!?

As I continued to mentally mock and question the theaters choice in menu names and products, the counter lady spoke up.

"Hey, aren't you that idiot on the internet that got covered in feathers?"

*slam*

The counter lady’s expression changed to surprised annoyance when my head met the counter

"You know, we had a nice awkward silence going there," I groaned as I raised my head up, "And then you just had to open your mouth and ruin it. Why?”

"Well excuse me for trying to make conversation with some idiotic internet star,” she said, her usual glare returning. “No need to get all uptight about it like some plastic losing her popularity to some other new girl."

"Mean Girls, really? That's the best insult you had?" Her eyes widened a bit at that.

“Wow, I’m surprised a nerfherder looking guy like you actually got that reference,” she insulted and my eye twitched.

Okay jackass, you want references? I’ll give you references!

"Oh yeah, that's fresh coming from the try hard Goth,” I said angrily. “What's the matter, get lost on your way to the Underworld Fan Club?"

"Better that than be the president of Revenge of the Nerds," she said back.

"There's nothing wrong with comedy Bella, why don't you go sparkle elsewhere?"

"I would, but you stole all the glitter Elton John," she shot back.

"Hey, at least that means I have a personality, Anakin," I growled.

"Ha! That means I get to be Darth Vader, which means I win," she smirked.

...Damn it, she's right! I thought angrily.

"Yeah, well...Whatever. You shop too much at Spencer's," I lamely insulted and walked away as my ordered snacks arrived via a short looking guy in a similar work uniform. As I was walking away I heard the short employee not so subtly mumble to her,

"Gee Tempest, that guy looks more pissed off than your usual customers. What'd you do this time?"

"Nothing dweeb, just had a pleasant movie off. Almost beat me, hopefully his ass shows up for another round."

I had to physically stop myself from turning back around and giving the now named Tempest the nastiest glare I could, and instead just let my brow twitch in annoyance.

That's a pleasant movie off for you!? What is with the people of this town!?

With a deep sigh I found my viewing room and scuttled inside. Just like the lobby, the room was immaculate and clean, and best of all, nobody was inside. I was kind of early true, but still it was a welcome site after getting laughed at by children and having Mohawk girl growl at me.

Thankfully this was the kind of theater with ticket assigned seats, and I got the best one in the house, smack dab in the middle of the upper section seats.

Ah, no awkward angles, perfect speaker alignment, and room to stretch my legs. Finally, a good turn of events! I thought as I sat down and put my popcorn under my seat to avoid the temptation of eating it early. I know I can’t be the only one with that problem.

Now to just sit back and wait for this train wreck of a movie to start.

And so I sat there waiting for the eventual crowd of people to show up as I dully mocked the local advertisements. Three minutes till showtime though, I was still alone in the room.

"Wait...don't tell me I got a Dead Film?!" the giddiness in my tone was enough to probably throw the entire student body into shock if they heard it coming from me. A Dead Film scenario is where either a film is so bad, at the end of it’s theater run, or both and no one shows up to see it. The movie will usually play for no one in these scenarios, but if you’re lucky, you can be the only one watching.

“Hell yeah! I get to riff this thing at full volume,” I pumped my fist. “No having to whisper under my breath. I’m the king of this horrible cheese and nothing can rui-“

"Bacon!?"

The very familiar surprised/annoyed tone from the other side of my row cut me off, and I felt like I had just given the universe enough laughs to last it a life time. I, almost robotically, slowly turned my head to see the person who called out, and to my immense regret it was exactly who I thought it was. There, at the other end of the row, was one annoyed Sunset Shimmer wearing a hoodie with the hood up.

Son of a Bitch! I mentally shouted as I grit my teeth and facepalmed. Why her? Why now?

"You have got to be kidding me!? Why are you here Bacon?!" she huffed.

“To see a movie obviously, since we’re, you know, in a movie theater?” I said condescendingly.

“Bull! How’d you know I was going to be in here?!” she accused.

“Know you we-Lady I’m not stalking you!” I defended with a scowl. “I’ve been here for like thirty minutes, so I could just as easily accuse you of stalking me!”

"Wha-of course that’s not true! I have far better things to do then to follow a loser like you after school!"

“Oh but in school is fair game?” I accused.

“Huh?” she said dumbly and I took satisfaction in her confused tone. “Whatever! I’m not…Why would you be watching this kind of movie?”

I didn’t particularly feel like explaining to her how riffing helped calm me down, and I was annoyed that she ruined a Dead Film experience for me, so I changed the subject as the room began to darken.

"Listen Shimmer, as much as I would love to throw your futile attempts to make me feel bad back in your face, the previews are starting. Soooo..." I made a shooing motion that I'm sure Sunset saw despite the dimmed lighting as I continued, "why don't you go to your seat and we'll both pretend the other doesn't exist, okay?"

With that said I turned back towards the screen as the first preview began. However, before the green ratings text could disappear, Sunset walked next to me.

“Look, we’re not at school, I can call the cops on you if you-“

“This is my seat,” she mumbled in embarrassment as she pointed at the seat next to mine.

“…What?” I asked taken aback.

“That’s my seat,” she repeated sounding annoyed and holding up her ticket which indeed had the seat number on it.

"Oh you've got to be kidding,” I rolled my eyes and gestured to the empty room. “There’s whole entire rows open, it’s not like this is a sold out show.”

“I can see that,” she grumbled angrily. “But I don’t have any of those seats on my ticket, and I’m not getting thrown out of here on account of you!”

“Thrown out? For not sitting-“

“Yes!” she cut me off. “The owner of this place is a weird stickler for certain rules. He checks in every room constantly to make everyone’s where they should be.”

“He what?” I said taken aback. “How would he even know? And why would he be so strict on such a stupid-“ Before I could finish that I saw a big burly old guy in a red vest with long white hair and a beard walk into the room and eye the both of us suspiciously.

Noticing my line of sight, Sunset looked back at the guy before her face paled and she immediately sat down next to me, taking up one of my armrests. The big old guy seemed satisfied by this as he simply nodded and walked out of the room.

“…Okay, what the actual hell? That was creepy,” I shuddered remembering his piercing cold blue eyes.

“Yeah he does that multiple times during all the showings. No one knows how he knows where you’re supposed to sit,” Sunset said, not looking at me.

“This is…this is so stupid,” I groaned and raked my palms across my face.

"Oh shut up, I'm not too happy about this either. Just...ignore me and I'll ignore you alright?"

Now usually I would have accepted her offer of ignoring each other right off the bat, but after that weird creepy owner, and the trailer being for some dull feel good movie, I let my curiosity run wild.

"So...the big bad Sunset Shimmer watching a rom-com huh? Gotta say, I pegged you as more of an action film nut, maybe something by Mark Miller?"

"If you tell anyone about this, I will make your life a bigger hell then it already is Bacon,” she spat, before taking a long sip from her soda.

“As if that’s possible,” I snorted. “But seriously, even if I did blab, what would that accomplish?”

"So you’re saying that embarrassing the queen of the school wouldn't be a benefit to you?" she accused.

“Well it would, but Adagio isn’t here Condiment Head,” I shot back and she turned to glare at me.

“As if you can call anyone that anymore Chicken Sauce,” she insulted and I grit my teeth.

Grr. Walked right into that one, I chastised myself. Chicken Sauce had become a popular tag for me in the hallways over the last week, and it still annoyed me to no end.

“Yeah, well regardless, the real queen still isn’t here. She’s off being much more effective at her job than you.”

She grit her teeth at that.

“I’ve told you, their reign isn’t iron clad! It-“

"Yeah yeah, it’s a big war for the crown and yadda yadda,” I cut her off. “Right now, my biggest beef is with them so I’ll give you this. You don’t tell anyone I was here, and I won’t tell anyone you were here. Does that sound good?”

There were a few moments of silence before Sunset gave a confident smirk.

"Alright Bacon, you've got a deal. Besides, I doubtanyone would believe a loser like you anyway...or even listen to you without laughing, Chicken Sauce,” she said with a chuckle.

I just stared at her in disbelief at that. Not because of her insulting me with that nickname again, but because of how normal her laugh was.

“…What?” she said scowling. “What are you staring at?”

“I’m just…surprised. Normally you laugh like you’re trying to sound like a cartoon villain, and it’s all forced and hammy and stuff, but just now you sounded normal.”

“Huh?” she sputtered.

“Like, are you intentionally hamming it up at school, or is that actually your real laugh, and this girly one you just gave the act?” 

"What do you mean 'normal'!? I always laugh normally!" she declared with a blush of annoyance.

"Sure sure, whatever you say, Whatever you say..."

“Why you little-“ she began but stopped as the big manager/owner guy walked back in and stared at us creepily. “…Whatever,” she grunted as she turned to face the screen and knocked my arm off of the shared armrest.

Stealing my eyes away from both her and the owner, I saw that our little chat had gone through the entire previews, and I let out a sigh.

This has got to be the weirdest thing to happen to me since coming to this town. Sitting side by side with my bully at a Rom-Com? Not even Pinkie could make this up. Let's hope this horrible film can distract me from this weirdness…







The film, if you could even call it that, was god awful. I mean it was so full of terrible clichés, stereotypes, and just poor writing and plot holes that it seems like a chimp wrote it. I'm pretty sure there was even some racism going on with the main characters dumb sidekick, and they didn't even try to be subtle with it! Needless to say, it was exactly what I needed, and I had a blast watching it.

And then the unexpected happened.

Following our agreement to ignore each other, Sunset and I watched the film in mostly silence, until the clichéd pretty boy love interest said a line so badly, I made a comment.

“Yes, I am human male and know the loves,” I said in an alien voice.

Almost immediately, a snort came from my right. Giving a side long glance, I saw the quick flash of a smirk on her face, before it was gone.

Must have just cleared her throat or something, I theorized as I turned back to the train wreck.

Then the stereotypical sidekick came on.

“Discount Rob Schneider, for when your movie can’t suck in the big leagues.”

“Heh heh heh.”

This time I clearly heard and saw her laugh at my joke. When she noticed that I noticed, she did clear her throat and went stoic faced again.

And it’s normal sounding again. So outside of school you don’t ham it up…Well, she hasn’t told me to shut up yet, so might as well keep going.

With that confidence I was ready as next came a scene where the female lead told her friends how dreamy and handsome the male lead was.

“Yes, I’ve never been more attracted to a piece of wood since my days at the hippie commune,” I said mimicking her voice. And once again, that got a reaction out of Sunset, a genuine giggle.

Then the female lead’s friend asked how old he was, and that was when Sunset spoke up.

“I don’t know, I haven’t cut him open to count the rings yet.”

That got a snort and chuckle out of me, and I couldn’t help but add on further to the joke.

“Elaine, you can’t keep getting away with that excuse, the cops are starting to get suspicious.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha!” Sunset laughed aloud and I laughed along as well.

It was…surreal. This girl had been nothing but hostile towards me for over two weeks, and yet here we were making jokes and laughing. Logically this made no sense, but I didn’t know how else to react so my brain just kind of played along and ignored all logic. And for the whole rest of the running time, Sunset and I MST3K’d the movie together.

And then came the end of the movie, where despite all the shenanigans, the couple ends up together, just like in every rom-com ever.

“I give them a week,” I quipped. 

“Nah, she’ll have him and the sidekick skinned alive by nightfall,” she said seriously before we both laughed.

But as the credits started rolling, things got awkward. Without the movie to distract us, we both remembered that we kind of hated each other.

"Well...that was a thing. That movie I mean, it was just downright awful huh?" I said lamely as I stood up.

"R-right, that movie was terrible! I mean the love-interests hair was just downright horrible!" she nodded as she gathered her trash.

"Heh, but not as bad as your hair eh Condiment Head? Though at least I can understand what you say, what even accent was that chick going for anyway!?" I said lamely.

“Yeah…for sure…” she said awkwardly and things between us went silent. And like any teenagers who didn't know how to handle a situation, we both simultaneously decided to pretend our interaction during the film never happened and went right back to insulting each other.

“But seriously, not a word to anyone or I’ll make what Adagio did seem like a cake walk,” she threatened.

“I’d honestly like to see that, just to see what you consider upping the ante,” I shot back with a scowl.

“Yeah, well…you just watch yourself Bacon,” she said with a glare, though her threat seemed to lack the bite it usually had for some reason.

I swear, you need to work on your tactics Shimmer, I thought with sympathy as we both made our way out of the theater.

“I’ll be sure to watch myself then,” I said sarcastically. “I mean I know how you love stalking me at sch-“

"Well well well, if it isn't the Delinquent of Canterlot High. I'm surprised a brute like yourself can even enjoy modern entertainment."

I was cut off by what was probably the fifth snobby voice I'd heard in this town alone.

For the love of-Why are there so many douchebag sounding people in this town? This can't be a normal thing!

Ignorant to my thoughts Sunset let out a growl of annoyance as she turned towards the snobby voice.

"Oh great, if it isn't another Crystal Jerkoff. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Following Sunset's line of sight I was greeted to two people who could put the very definition of snob in its place. The one who spoke was a yellow girl with grayish indigo hair with grey streaks in it who was hugging the arm of a guy with grey skin and dark grey tinted hair, and the most upper crust looking glasses I’d ever seen, and an actual freaking ascot.

"Now Crust dear, even someone of Shimmer’s status can enjoy a good film,” the boyfriend said snootily. “After all even someone of her limited intelligence can enjoy those adherent action films that play nowadays."

"That's funny coming from the guy whose masculinity is about as big as his glasses, or do you still think wearing an ascot makes you seem more 'sophisticated'?"

"Why I never! How uncouth of a lady to insult a man’s choice of appeal!"

What are these guys from the 1930’s or something? Who talks like that?

Crust apparently then noticed me and started to chuckle snootily.

Oh boy, that can't be good.

"Oh don't worry Jet dear, I find the questionable company she keeps is far more showing in her lack of sound judgment."

The now named Jet looked over to me, and also started to laugh snootily before he said,

"Why Shimmer, I knew you must have had a poor taste in men when you were dating that Flash fellow, but this? Going on a little date with Chicken Sauce of all people? Truly your judge of character is stunted."

Oh you assho-wait a minute...what did he say?

It took a few moments for what Jet said to register in my mind, and when it did...well there was only one reasonable thing I could do. And that was to laugh...loudly.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH THAT IS RICH, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The snobby couple’s laughter ended abruptly at my own laughter, and instead the two of them exchanged looks of confusion, even Sunset seemed taken aback.

"Oh God, oh man that was good! You upper crust twits think she and I are on a date? Seriously? Ha! Oh man, that...that is just too good!" I hiccupped, wiping an actual tear from my eye.

“Well, what else would you call it?” Crust asked haughtily. “Two degenerates walking out of the same date movie together side by side?”

“That’s just a coincidence!” Sunset defended, blushing at their implications. “If that's the only requirement for two people to date, then everyone here must be dating five different people at the same time."

“Oh please,” Jet hand waved in dismissal. “You expect us to believe that the two of you were all alone in there and it’s nothing gossip worthy?”

“Oooh, I dare say something scandalous must of took place in there since she’s defending it so loudly,” Crust jumped in with a cruel sneer. “How utterly uncouth of the both of you.”

…Welp, screw restraint!

While Sunset's eyes widened in outrage at their insinuations, I derailed them.

“Oh please, have you even met this chick?” I deadpanned while hooking a thumb at Sunset. “In what Twilight Zone styled reality would I be dating this Hellspawn?”

“Hey!” Sunset yelled out in agitation while Jet and Crust seemed stumped by my words. 

“Seriously, that was one of the dumbest things I’ve heard, and that’s including half this rumors she comes up with at school. Have you two always been this stupid, or did you take lessons? 

"Don't call me stupid,” ascot grunted looking like I’d just insulted his forefathers.

"Oh I'm sorry, you’re right. Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people, my bad. You're what the French would call les incompetents, and I truly believe you would both be the king and queen of the nation of Idiotica."

“Heh, good one,” Sunset applauded.

“Thanks,” I nodded.

I was kind of saving that for you or Adagio, but whatever.

“Oh why you insolent little-“

“Uh honey, I think it might be a good idea to go,” Crust interrupted him as she nodded to the growing crowd around us. “The movie will be starting soon, and dealing with these miscreants is giving me a nasty migraine.”

Huh, guess she has a bit more common sense, although this is new territory for me. Crowds outside of schools are unpredictable.

Jet McAscot looked around nervously at the crowd, but he still looked down his nose at us.

"Alright you cretin, obviously your newcomer status has yet to filter out of you if you’re daring to insult someone like myself. You Canterlot High low lives should know your place by now, you do not want to make an enemy of Crystal Prep!"

"Oh please, like we’re scared of somebody like you,” Sunset scoffed. “Why don't you buzz off and spend your daddy's money on more ascots? Or some actual balls, since I honestly doubt you have any under all those posh clothes."

His face went beet red at that, but being the asshole I am, I added more fuel to the fire.

“And while you’re out buying them, buy some friggen common sense. Your fancy pants school is just as shitty as Canterlot, like every other high school out there.”

"Enough! I have had it with your insufferable mouth!” he shouted in rage as he threateningly stepped towards us in exaggerated fisticuffs. “Either you will cease this mockery at once or I will-!"

"Alright you idiots, break it up before I break your skulls!" came the harsh, no nonsense growl of the counter lady as she made a path through the crowd, and this time, her scowl was more menacing.

"Ah, thank you my good lady for stepping in to stop these annoyances!” Jet said to her as he smiled smugly at us. “Please take this trash out so that me and my darling can continue our da-"

"I was talking to you idiot, also please never speak again. Your voice is worse than nails on a chalkboard!” she scolded.

Crap, where is my camera!? That is the best 'oh shit' face I've ever seen in my life!

The rich punk’s eyes were so wide that I thought one of them would pop out, and his mouth hung so low he could’ve captured soccer balls.

"What did you just say!? Do you have any idea who you’re talking to!?

"No, should I?" Tempest asked as she tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms.

"I am Jet Set! My father owns-"

"Whatever, I don't care, you don’t own this place, my boss does,” she said pointing down the hall at the big bearded white haired guy from before who was just scowling at the situation. “And right now, he wants you to stop making a scene and scaring all the kids here, you got that ball-less?”

"YOU LOW-LIFE, WORKING CLASS, UNCOUTH, DEGENERATE!? WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?" Jet Set shouted, his face so hot I was surprised steam didn’t puff out of his ears.

Tempest gave no reaction to Jet's outburst, instead she put two fingers into her mouth and whistled. Almost immediately some buff looking security guards showed up, and with a simple gesture form Tempest, started to drag the couple out of the theater.

While Crust seemed to be trying to hide her face from the nearby phones recording the whole event, Jet was having none of it as he thrashed around in the guard’s grip.

"Un-hand me you hooligans! Just wait till my father finds out about this, I will make you all rue the day you messed with the Set family! DO YOU HERE ME, YOU'LL ALL REGRET THIS!"

Why do I feel like this is gonna bite me in the ass later? I thought a bit worriedly, not wanting to be on the hit list for two schools.

After they were out of earshot, Tempest looked at the crowd.

“Bugger off to your movies already you leeches!” she shouted. And just like magic, the crowd dispersed rather quickly lest they earn her ire.

I was just kind of beyond shocked at what just happened, and Sunset was faring no better as Tempest looked to us.

“You two were yelling too, but they were louder, so tread carefully,” she warned and Sunset and I just kind of dumbly nodded. Just then, a big meaty palm landed on her shoulder and she stiffened up.

“Thanks for handling that Tempest, but you better hurry, line’s getting longer,” said the big burly man with a gentler voice than I was expecting. The cashier looked to the concessions stand and just groaned.

“Why are there always so many idiots at such inconvenient times?” she grumbled and walked away, leaving me and Sunset with the manager/owner.

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” he said clasping his hands and closing his eyes. “I hope this event hasn’t ruined your date or dissuaded you from visiting again sometime.”

“Uhhh…” I trailed off speechless as I only came up to his chest.

“Yeah, actually we’re not-“ Sunset began before being interrupted.

“Here, have some movie passes and popcorn vouchers on the house,” he said practically tossing them into our hands.

“I, uh, thank you?” I gasped out.

“No problem. I hope to see you all again,” he smiled pleasantly before his head suddenly whipped to the left with a sneer. “NO SHAKING!”

The little kid at the claw machine let out an “EEP!” and ran off.

“No Running in the Hallways Either!” the owner shouted as he power-walked away from us.

The whole situation had lasted maybe 2 minutes, and yet it was an intense and confusing emotional roller coaster.

I looked blankly at Sunset and she looked blankly at me.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…This never happened,” she said stuffing her passes in her pockets and walking away.

“Agreed,” I nodded and did the same.

As I started walking though, I noticed that one of the little kids that had been a part of the group had his phone up, and that he hadn’t dispersed all that far after Tempest’s order. The blue haired, yellow skinned little kid looked at me, laughed and waved at me, before putting his phone away and disappearing into a viewing room.

“Oh son of a…,” I groaned. By the time I turned around, Sunset was already gone.

“…You know, tomorrow’s a good day to take a sick day,” I determined as I made my way out of the theater. “I am not going to deal with this rumor mill tomorrow.”

I was naïve to think that.








THE NEXT DAY


I picked a hell of a good day to call in sick. There were scattered showers all day, and the forecast said a big thunderstorm would be striking later in the evening. So all in all, a perfect time to play video games and not deal with the fallout from the no doubt already posted videos from the night before.

And despite Pinkie having my number, I got no text or call from her wondering why I wasn’t at school, so that was another point of celebration. I did get a mass text from the school though that came from Coach Spitfire and the Athletics Program. It was advertising the town’s annual Running of the Leaves and this year apparently, we were required to participate since it would be graded.

“Oh that’s such bullcrap!” I grumbled as I set my phone down. “I don’t want to run a damn marathon! Screw you Spitfire!”

As I shouted that, my front door burst open, and the heavy winds howled into my living room.

“Oh god! I didn’t mean it!” I yelped, my panicked brain thinking the coach was about to kick my ass. “I’m sorry I-“

“See, I told you he wasn’t sick.”

“Yeah alright, I guess I owe you five bucks.”

There before me was Rainbow Dash, Flubber, and Pinkie Pie, the latter of which was handing the first Five Dollars.

“What have I told you guys about home invasions?!” I growled in annoyance. And while Flubber had the courtesy to look ashamed, Rainbow and Pinkie just eyed me skeptically.

“That’s not important right now Mikey,” Pinkie waved off my concerns.

“You always say that!”

“Because it’s always true. But anyway, do you have any idea what’s been going on at school today?”

“Yeah, I got a pretty good idea,” I grumbled as I facepalmed and shook my head. “Let me guess, more internet videos?”

Pinkie gasped overdramatically at that and Rainbow just smirked.

“Mikey! How long have you and Sunset been dating?!” she shouted and I double facepalmed.

“Yep, I knew it was going to be something along those lines,” I groaned.

“Heh, now Applejack owes me ten bucks,” Rainbow fist pumped.

“I mean, she’s always so mean to you, but today her face was all red and embarrassed. How did this even happen? Are you just one of those guys that likes girls that are complete jerks? Are you dating Adagio too?”

“What?! No! For Christ’s sake Pinkie I’m not-“

*KRAKABOOM!*

A large crack of thunder shook the house, and then the storm really took off.

We all looked outside of my still open front door, doing our best to shake off the shock, as the rain became heavier, the wind much faster, and flashes of lightning went off left and right.

“Oh my…” Flubber gasped.

“Aw dang it! I told you we didn’t have time for a pit stop Pinkie!” Rainbow chided before she shoved the door closed.

“But we had to find out what the deal is,” Pinkie defended. “You know Twilight’s just panicking her glasses off right now.”

“We could have waited till tomorrow, I sure as heck ain’t driving out in that rain!” Rainbow gestured out the window.

“Hmmph. Well at least we’re inside. Mikey’s place is nice and dry,” Pinkie smiled and my eyes widened.

Nonononononoo!

“Uh, well, you all live close by, why don’t you just walk then if you’re too scared to drive?” I suggested and they all looked at me like I was crazy.

“You want us, to walk in that?!” Rainbow declared just as my next door neighbor’s tree lost a big branch that fell with a mighty thud.

“I mean…”

“Mikey!” Pinkie scolded.

“Alright fine, you guys can hang around till the storm dies down!” I threw up my hands in exasperation.

“Yeah!” she cheered. “And since we’re hanging out, we can get to answering some questions.”

“Fine, sure, whatever!” I groaned as I collapsed onto my couch. “Not like I have any choice. But once the storm lets up, you all leave, deal?”

“Deal!” Pinkie said way too quickly which made me suspicious.

“Oh…Well, I guess I’ll call my parents then,” Flubber said as she took out her phone.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll call mine too, so they don’t worry. Don’t tell them you’re at a guy’s place though, they’ll flip,” Rainbow chuckled.

“R-Right,” she nodded and I raised a brow.

“Your parents are that strict?” I asked.

“Oh, well, not usually,” she said nervously. “It’s just that…I’ve never been all night at a boy’s house before.”

“…You care to repeat that? Did you say all night?” I asked as my eye twitched.

“Yup Yupperooni. This nasty storm isn’t going to let up till sometime tomorrow,” Pinkie said with a squee.

“What?!” I shouted.

“And you know what that means?!” she smiled.

“No! Don’t you dare say-“

“SLUMBER PARTY!!!” she cheered before pulling out a pair of pink pajamas from her purse.

“…You planned this didn’t you?!”

“Eh, maybe a little,” she smirked.
> Episode 13: The Sleepover
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This has got to be the most ridiculous thing to ever happen to me. Just...ugh,” I grumbled as Pinkie had once again outwitted me into getting her way.

"Ah cheer up Mike, look on the bright side! At least you get to hang out with the awesomest kid in the school all night long," Rainbow said as she heavily patted my back in symphony.

A gesture that would have been appreciated if a) it actually meant anything to me and b) if her 'light' pats didn't almost send me flying off my couch.

For the love of god Rainbow learn some restraint!

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I gave Rainbow a quick glare before I sarcastically grumbled out,

"Gee Rainbow, that just makes everything a hundred times better."

"I know right?"

Sighing as my sarcasm once again went over Rainbow's head I got up from the couch and made my way to the front of the room in front of my TV. 

"Alright, list-" My words died in my throat as I saw that Pinkie had pulled three separate sleeping bags with matching pillows, a bunch of stuffed animals, a freaking alarm clock, and a God damn tray of cupcakes…from her purse!

"Ho...how the hell did you fit all of that in there!?" I sputtered in disbelief as the cupcakes weren’t even smudged or smooshed. While Rainbow and Flubber just shared knowing looks, Pinkie simply giggled at my question.

"It's easy silly!” she said with a bright smile. “It's all about size control and spacing. All you gotta do is treat it like a game of Tetris and you can fit a whole bunch of stuff in one place."

My eye just twitched at that, since even with Tetris rules it was still impossible.

"Ah, I haven't seen a face like that since Twilight spent a week trying to see 'what made me tic,' whatever that means. Man those were some good times..."

"Uh Pinks, wasn't that the same week you set Twilight's hair on fire during chemistry?" Rainbow commented, apparently finished with telling her folks she was staying over at a 'friends' place.

It seems not even Pinkie was ignorant to the dangers of fire as she flinched slightly at that before she sheepishly said,

"Well...besides that it was all good times."

The more I learn about this little friendship circle the more I fear my continued existence...

"Uh, not t-to be rude or anything, but weren't you trying to say something?" the quiet girl spoke up and I looked over at her in shock, mostly because I had forgotten she was there.

"Right, thanks Flubber,” I said as I cleared my throat.

"Uh, my name isn-"

"Okay, listen up! Since apparently your guys have upgraded from home invaders to squatters, I'm going to be laying down some ground rules," I said sternly, cutting off whatever Flubber was about to say. "First off, you guys aren't allowed to touch any of my stuff without my permission. That includes my manga, video games, and especially any memorabilia in or out of the display room. "

"Wait dude, hold up,” Rainbow interrupted. “You have an entire room just for all that nerdy stuff we helped you move in?"

"Of course I do,” I rolled my eyes. “You can't just buy this type of stuff and not display it. That would be an insult to the source material and the ones who made them.”

Surprisingly Pinkie and Flubber nodded their heads in agreement with my logic, while Rainbow just got this strange awed look.

Weird…not the response I was expecting but whatever! Shaking my head to get back on track I said,

"Anyway, no touching that stuff, trust me when I say you do not want to know how much you'd need to pay me back if you broke anything. Rule number two, my computer if off limits no matter what! I see any of you trying to get on it and you'll be out in that storm faster than you can blink."

"Awww, is the Baconator afraid of some girls seeing his browsing history?" Rainbow said with a teasing smirk.

“Okay, first of all, don’t ever call me that again, and secondly, that’s none of your business,” I snarled as I realized that I should clear out the history ASAP.

“Oooh, struck a nerve. Come on, any hints? Is it something weird?” Rainbow teased.

"Of course not Dashie! He just doesn't want us to steal his 'Cookies' from him is all,” Pinkie interjected and we all looked to her in perplexion.

"What? Those internet cookies are super important for some sites ya know?" she defended.

I swear Pinkie, I can't tell if you act like this on purpose or are really just that naïve.

"Whatever, point is no touching the computer, got it?!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow handwaved and my eye twitched again.

“Alright. Now, seeing as how Pinkie somehow managed to bring some sleeping bags with her you guys will be sleeping down here. The guest bedroom doesn’t exactly have a mattress, and I want you all in one area anyway. I don't want to hear any complaining about that either!”

“Why would we complain? That’s the whole point of a slumber party silly,” Pinkie giggled as she unrolled the bags.

“Glad that’s understood,” I nodded before I glared and pointed right at her. “At last but not least Pinkie, don't even think of trying to sneak into my room like last time got it?”

“Heh heh heh, ya Okay,” she chuckled in embarrassment no doubt remembering our previous situation.

Flubber and Rainbow seemed completely flabbergasted though as they looked between me and Pinkie, then at each other.

“What?” I asked them.

“L-L-Last time?” Flubber squeaked sounding embarrassed for some reason.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Your Pink Nutcase thought it would be a good idea to break into my room and roll me out of bed for that fiasco last week.” At the mention of the party the three girls flinched but I just ignored it as I continued, "and I'm making sure that doesn't happen again. That enough info for ya?"

“Oh, OH! Um…yes, that makes more sense,” Flubber nodded and looked away, her face red as Rainbow chuckled for some reason.

...Okay? These girls definitely got some strange character tics.

“Oh, hey, I got a question?” Pinkie said as she held her hand up. “What about if you’re fully dressed and I knock on your door? Is it Okay then?”

“Pinkie, just…” I facepalmed. “Just stay out of my room period, or else I’ll put you in the straight jacket and leave you in the closet.”

“Oh, alright fine, jeeze,” she lowered her hand and rolled her eyes.

"Uh, what was that about the straight jacket? If you don't mind me asking of course…" Flubber stuttered and I just shrugged.

“What can I say? It was a cheap buy on E-Bay and it comes in handy for restraining annoyances.”

The yellow girl and Rainbow apparently didn’t see the wisdom of this as they looked at me funny.

"Um…I probably shouldn't ask this but, how many people have you put in this straight jacket?" Rainbow asked sounding disturbed.

"So far just my cousin, but trust me she totally deserved it. That said the tally can go much higher if my rules are broken…” I threatened and the two of them shivered while Pinkie giggled. “Now any other questions?"

"Oh me! Me me, pick me! Oh oh me!" Pinkie raised her hand again and jumped up and down excitedly.

"Yes Pinkie?" I said with a tired sigh.

"Are you really dating Sunset Shimmer, and if so when!?"

I sighed again and pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Yeah, that’s kind of the original reason we came here,” Rainbow admits.

“Um…I just wanted a ride home truthfully,” Flubber added but was ignored by all.

“So come on, spill the beans!” Pinkie inquired. “It’s been the whole talk of the school today.”

“Of course it is…” I sighed out. There were a few moments of silence before a chuckle escaped me at the absurdity of it all.

"Uh Mikey, what's so funny? Did you remember a funny moment from your date with Sunset!?"

Another chuckle escaped me at that, which only seemed to confuse the three girls more.

"I don't get it? Is he remembering some joke Sunset told him or something?" Rainbow guessed.

"May-maybe they saw a funny movie? They were at the movies together in that video,” Flubber suggested.

I laughed for a few more seconds before I shook my head and looked at them all with a grin.

“Sorry, I just keep forgetting that everyone in Canterlot High is a god damn moron,” I laughed.

“Hey, that’s not very nice,” Pinkie pouted.

“Well it’s clearly true if the whole school is talking about something so idiotically false.”

"So...you’re not dating Sunset Shimmer?" Pinkie asked in a strangely gentle tone, which was completely offputting considering the topic of conversation was such a ridiculous concept.

"No, I'm not dating that She-Devil,” I rolled my eyes. “We just happened to be watching the same movie and then those Crystal Prep snobs showed up, nothing more nothing less."

At my answer Pinkie gave an over exaggerated sigh.

"Oh phew, that's a relief!” she said wiping at her brow. “I thought we were going to have to tie you up and convince you that dating her was a super humongous big mistake, but looks like we won't have to do that!"

…

…

…

"Pinkie...that's kidnapping. And, I can't believe I have to say this a second time, but that is highly illegal!" I bellowed, but she still continued to smile brightly.

“Oh sure, this coming from the guy who put his cousin in a crazy coat,” Rainbow quipped.

“That’s different! She had it coming! Now she knows not to spill soda on my damn controllers!”

“Heh, whatever you say hypocrite,” Rainbow smirked as she walked over to me.

“I’m not a hypocrite! You’re a hyp-OW!” I cried out as Rainbow “playfully” punched me in the shoulder before slinging her arm around it.

"Look, what Pinkie meant was that we would have talked you out of dating her. Her last relationship did not end well for the poor guy she strung along."

This bit of information actually caught my interest as I got out of Rainbow's hold and got a good couple feet away from her.

"First off, personal space Rainbow!" Rainbow just chuckled annoyingly at my demand, but I chose to ignore her as I looked over at Pinkie and asked, "And wait, there was someone desperate enough to actually date Condiment Head?"

Strangely Pinkie looked uncomfortable at my question, and before she could say anything Rainbow answered my question for her.

"Flash Sentry, he was Sunset's first and onlyboyfriend back in freshman year. They dated for most of the year, and people were starting to call them the 'Ideal High School Couple' since they were both pretty popular."

Sunset actually managed to date someone long enough for that? Either this Flash guy is blind or just as big a jerk as she is.

"Oh! But Flashy isn't a meanie mean pants like Sunset! He's actually a really good guy, he just...well..."

"Couldn't tell he was dating a bitch even though everyone else knew she was one?" I snarked with a deadpanned tone.

Man, the school must run on clichés or something. The good natured guy dating the evil preppy girl but overlooking her deeds because they’re por-

"Actually, no."

-king eachoth-say what now?

“It wasn’t well known at first,” Pinkie explained. “In the early days, she was super sneaky about her jerkiness, so only some of us knew. When she was with Flash she acted, well, nice. Just like any of us.”

“It was all just an act though…” Flubber said sadly and I was taken off guard.

“Sunset used to be subtle and not act like a Saturday morning cartoon villain?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Rainbow nodded. “And for the longest time no one would believe those that she showed her true colors to because she was ‘Little Ms. Perfect.’ But everyone wisened up in the end.”

“Huh…and I’m guessing that this Sentry guy was one of those then?”

“Oh yeah, they broke up near the end of school last year, and" Pinkie's cheerful tone sobered slightly before she continued, "It wasn't exactly the prettiest of break-ups."

"Yeah, sure. That's one way to put it,” Rainbow scoffed. “From what I heard they got into a huge spat during club hours and Shimmer humiliated him in front of his entire club. Dude didn't show up for a whole week because of it."

From what you heard? Usually when power couples break up everyone knows ALL the details not just rumors, I pondered at this curiosity before I decided to stop caring. But then again I could care less about Sunset's love life.

Hence why while the three home invaders wallowed in what I can only assume is pity for that Flash guy, I merely shrugged my shoulders and started to walk back towards my couch while saying,

"Whelp, that sucks and all, but I don't really care,” I said plainly as I sat back down on the couch. This caused them to look aghast at my callousness since they were all feeling pity for the Sentry guy.

Why should I care about some popular guy whose only accomplishments I’ve heard are getting into Shimmer’s pants and not realizing how evil she was for like two years? I shook my head as I pulled out my 3DS.

“Hey, show some sympathy. The guy got it pretty bad,” Rainbow scolded.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really affect me does it? If anything it makes all the sheep at school thinking that anyone would date her after that, let alone me, look like brain damaged idiots.” The three of them all glanced at each other at that declaration.

“Then why did you skip school today instead of setting the record straight?” Rainbow huffed.

“Because I didn’t want to deal with the headache. Shimmer’s gonna be pissed as it is, so let her deal with the rumor mill and be humiliated enough for the both of us. I’m sure the Disco Rejects are jumping all over that bait.”

“Wow…that’s pretty cold you know?” Pinkie said without her usual giddiness.

“Yes, yes it is,” I nodded. “Now, let’s stop talking about all that idiocy and contain tonight’s current venue. You girls can go do…whatever girls do during a 'sleepover.’ Just don't bug me and follow the rules and we're all good."

Of course, since the universe apparently has it out for me, the moment I said that Pinkie somehow managed to get right up into my face before I even had a chance to open my 3DS. Heck I didn't even get a chance to back up in shock before Pinkie grabbed my shoulders and intently said,

"Oh no you don't buster! Just because you answered my question doesn't mean you get to be all lonely lonersten tonight! You will be partaking in sleep-over fun time with us, after all a party can't stop till the host passes out!"

"Uh, Pinkie...I think you said that the wrong way?"

"Of course not silly! I know what I said, and I meant it too!" Pinkie happily (confusingly) said to Flubber with a bright grin while still holding onto my shoulders with her face far too close to my own.

"Yeah, no,” I pushed her out of my personal space and gave her a glare. “You may be staying here, but that's only because the weather sucks and I can't kick you all out without feeling the tiniest bit guilty for it. I am not going to do any kind of sleepover 'funness,' as you call it. The only reason I'm still down here and not blockaded in my room is to keep an eye on you all."

Pinkie actually had the nerve to start pouting of all things, and it was like the full pouting package. Big doe eyes, quivering lip, the whole thing!

"Aw come on Mikey, pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee?! I promise you'll have a ton of fun, like a whole mountain ton of fun."

"Nice try Pinkie, but my answer is still no. Now buzz off and...I don't know gossip Flubber’s ears off or something," I deadpanned.

"Mr. Bacon, my nam isn-"

"Please Mikey!" Pinkie said, interrupting Flubber once again.

"No Pinkie."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty Please?"

"Not even if you paid me."

"Pretty please with a couple coupons to Sugarcube Corner? Everything sugary would be half off~"

"...regrettably I'll have to say no,” I forced myself to say since the temptation for those wonderful treats was pretty strong.

"Drat! That usually works...whelp I'm out of ideas," she admitted throwing her hands up in the air, before going back to setting up her camping area. I actually blinked in surprise at how quickly she gave up, and was more than a little suspicious.

"Oh come on Pinks, you're not just gonna give up like that are you?" Rainbow asked with a slight annoyed tone, "I mean don't you think it’s going to be a little awkward for him to just be here doing nothing while we're having fun?"

"Considering this is my house, I’d like to think that entails that I can choose where I want to be to keep an eye on all of you."

Rainbow rolled her eyes at that while Pinkie just gave her a shrug, again suspiciously and uncharacteristically uncaring about my lack of participation.

"Now girls, if he doesn't want to join in we can't force him. We're already imposing as it is, no need to bother him more."

Whoa, someone in Pinkie's friend group speaking common sense? I thought in surprise looking at my gym partner.

"So? It’s not like hanging out with us while were stuck in his house will kill him or anything,” Rainbow responded before she looked at me with a smirk. “Besides, I bet the only reason he's opting out is cause he's all nervous about a bunch of girls sleeping over at his place."

Now reluctantly, I had to give her that. A guy stuck on a rainy day with three girls during a slumber party? That’s the set up to a bad porn plot. And I’m not so blind or hate filled to admit that Pinkie, Rainbow and Flubber were all attractive in their own way. So in some ways, maybe I was a bit embarrassed over the situation.

But in the end, annoyingness trumps attractiveness, and boy were these girls getting on my nerves.

"Your genders have nothing to do with it, but if it'll get you to shut up how about we make a bet?"

I got up from the couch and walked over to my game shelf and started looking through the many different titles I owed. As I did this I could feel Rainbow's smug look from behind me as she said,

"A bet? What kind of bet?"

"A simple one that even a hothead like you could get behind. We are going to play a ga-aha!" Smirking I pulled out the title I was looking for and turned around showing them Mortal Kombat XL.

"The bet is simple, the three of you will fight me one-on-one. If I manage to beat all three of you, you all will leave me alone for the rest of the night. If one of you manages to beat me..." My smug tone changed to one of reluctance as I said, "Then I will join in on the 'fun' with only minimum amounts of complaining."

"I don't know,” Rainbow said doubtfully. “Don't you think it would be a little unfair for us since you've obviously played that game a million times and are an expert at it?"

"Well if you put it like that it does sound a little unfair,” I said with a pseudo-uninterested look. “Of course, you don't have to take the bet at all. I mean if you aren't confident in your awesome skills I don't blame you for bowing out."

Fall for bait in three, two…

"Oh it is on! Come on girls, let’s show this smug jerk who’s boss!"

You see Sunset, that is how you play the villain. You challenge their pride and ego. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Before I could bask in my cleverness for too long, Pinkie quickly pulled the other two into a huddle. They whispered to each other for a bit before they broke apart and Rainbow looked me square in the eye.

"Okay, we're all in on one condition. You have to let us get used to the controls first before we actually fight."

"That it? I was already planning on doing that anyway,” I deadpanned. “It wouldn't be an actual win for me if I beat you all just because you’re noobs.” The three girls blinked owlishly in surprise at that, which only caused me to groan in annoyance. "Look, it’s part of the Gamer's Code of Honor alright? Oath 5: Thou shall give thine enemy a fair and just chance in battle, so long as thine game does not rely on underhanded tactics and luck."

And when only Rainbow seemed perplexed by this explanation, while Pinkie and Flubber accepted it immediately, I should have known something was up.







What...what just happened!?

I could only stare in disbelief at my now very much dead character as his guts littered the stage a second time, giving the win to my opponent.

Said opponent was not Rainbow, who had been an easy sweep and went down without even hitting me, nor was it Pinkie, who admittedly was a bit more challenging than Rainbow due to her constant button mashing. No, the one who beat me was the shyly smiling Flubber, who had given the quietest 'yay' in the history of yays after she absolutely destroyed me. And while the other two hugged her in victory, I just continued to stare on in shock.

How? I thought she would be the easiest?! She looks like the kind of girl who’d faint at just the conversation of blood, but she’s able to just own me in this gorefest?! Adagio’s too scary for you, but you can pull off an expert fatality?!

"Heh heh man, you should see the look on your face! You look like you just got a ten paged paper assignment from Ms. Harshwhinny!" Rainbow taunted.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s the same look you had when I had a Flawless Victory on you,” I grumbled rolling my eyes. “At least I didn’t just jump into the attacks over and over again.”

“Th-that was an accident alright! My finger slipped, that’s all!” came Rainbow’s embarrassed response, blush and all.

“Whatever let’s you sleep at night Skittles. Now,” I clapped my hands together for effect as I said with a tone overflowing with sarcasm, “What ‘fun’ activity do you plan on forcing me into? Keep in mind if it’s Truth or Dare I will show no mercy.”

To her credit Rainbow had the decency to actually look confused at my sudden compliance. 

"Uh, really? That's it? You’re not going to argue your way out of it or try and have a rematch or something?"

Who do you think I am, some sore-loser eight year old online? I have my dignity dang it!

"Look, the deal was that only one of you had to beat me and since Flubber over here managed to do that I am obligated by the Gamer's Code of Honor to follow through with it. It's as simple as that."

"You really hold this Gamer Code thing pretty high huh?” Rainbow asked with a quirked eyebrow. 

Before I could say anything Pinkie once again invaded my personal space as she suddenly side hugged me. 

Bones...crushing...can't...feel...my arms...

"Of course he'd keep his word Dashie!” she smiled, oblivious to my pained struggling. “A friend never breaks their word on a deal, promise, or blood oath after all! Besides, with that nasty icky storm outside what else would he do for the rest of the night?”

Must...escape...death grip! I continued to struggle, swearing I heard some ribs cracking. As I was being suffocated, Flubber spoke up for the first time since defeating me.

"Uh Pinkie, what was that thing about blood oa-"

*ding*

And suddenly I was dropped like a sack of potatoes.

"Ooooh! The cookies are done, be right back guys!"

And with that Pinkie zoomed off into my kitchen, no doubt leaving a dust cloud behind her. After I managed to straighten myself using my gameshelf for slight support I turned towards the two other girls while rubbing my ribs.

"Just how strong is that pink she-devil?! And when the hell did she have time to make cookies?! I don't even have any cookie dough!"

"It's Pinkie Pie, you learn not to question it,” Flubber answered in all sincerity.

“Oh I beg to differ! If you stop asking, then who knows what else she’ll think she can get away with!”

“No dude, believe us,” Rainbow emphasized. “There came a time when Twilight tried, and that creepy straight jacket of yours would probably have come in handy.”

“I…” I let out a sigh of defeat. “Alright fine, sure. Clearly she’s magical, that answers everything! Would explain how she cracked my ribs with just one arm.”

"Heh heh heh come on man, don’t exaggerate, I don't think she squeezed you that hard,” Rainbow laughed. 

You get hugged by that nut and when your ribs start feeling like they just went a few rounds with Rocky then you can tell me it doesn't hurt that much! I scowled.

"Okay, now that your done laughing at my misery can we do...whatever the hell people do at sleepovers before I try to 'accidently' pass out from all the 'fun' we're having?"

"Didn't you just say you wouldn't try to weasel your way out of this?" Rainbow asked snarkily.

"I didn't say anything about not complaining about it!" I shot back.

"Hey guys, why don't you start without me?! I'm gonna try and see if I can make some cake from the extra batter and all this chocolate!" Pinkie called from the kitchen.

“Where did you even get batter?!” I responded before frowning. “And don’t you dare touch that chocolate! I’ve been saving that for a marath-“

"Aw don't be such a sourpuss Mikey! Don't you want to taste the deliciousness of Sugarcube Corner with some of your very own ingredients? With this much chocolate I might be able to make the Chocolate Cake Special!"

"...You can only use half, nothing more or less!" I answered after a few moments of silence.

"Okie Dokie Loki!"

Turning away from the kitchen I saw Rainbow giving me a smug look while Flubber was just hiding behind her hair once again. 

"What? Any chance for free Sugarcube Corner tastiness is a worthy sacrifice for my chocolate stash. Now can we please do something before I lose myself to tasty cake goodness?"

"Um actually...I was wondering, if it was at all possible, if we could...maybe keep playing this game? If you both don't mind of course…"

Huh, for some reason I can't bring myself to mock her for asking in such a passive way to simply keeping playing...weird.

"So the victor wants to become the loser so soon after winning?” I asked with a challenging smirk. “I'll take up your challenge, and this time I'll be the one ripping your spine out."

To my immense shock Flubber lost her nervous demeanor for a few seconds as she gained her own defiant look.

“Hmm, hopefully you’ll actually be able to hit me this time,” she challenged before her eyes suddenly widened and she hid behind her bangs again. “I mean, I didn’t mean that you can’t win or that you’ll fail that badly. In fact I think your chances are better now. Please don’t be too mad for my trash talking…”

Okay...so the quiet girl is bipoloar. Good to know.

“Um, I’m sure I’ll find a way to forgive you,” I snarked with a roll of my eyes before picking my controller back up.

"Alright!” Rainbow cheered. “I got first dibs on kicking Mike’s ass once you’re done Flut-"

*crash* *clang* *kitchen sounds*

"AH! THE CHOCOLATLY GOODNESS IS IN MY EYES! THE BITTERNESS, IT BURNS!"

“That’s nice,” I called out as our rematch started. “Just clean it up when you’re done.”

"Uh...shouldn't we check on her?" Fluttershy asked amidst a combo attack from me.

"Nope. You all said to not question her so might as well sta-ooh you broke my combo!"

And thus, a long night of combos and fighting began, with some delicious cake and cookies on the side.

I had to hand it to Pinkie, despite her forcing herself into my social life, she knew how to bake stuff that made my tastebuds happy. 


LATER THAT NIGHT


And that’s how it went for quite a number of hours. We played some other fighting games, some racing games, and we even attempted a survival horror, but Flubber and Pinkie both chickened out after the first few scares. Pinkie made even more baked goods after the cake and cookies, though where she got the ingredients I don’t know. She had everything else in that purse, so maybe she had a cooler in there too, I don’t know.

But, despite running on sugar and one of my frozen pizzas, they started to nod off one by one on their sleeping bags.

Flubber passed out after defeating me in the third fighting game we popped in. I did get better at fighting her, but I never was able to win a match. Rainbow Dash started snoring a few minutes after Pinkie and I started up yet another match, and for awhile, it was just me vs her. And despite making me work for it, I kept coming out on top.

“Ha! Once again the reigning champion!” I cheered as my victory screen played out. Pinkie had almost won that last round, so I was pretty excited. “So, care for best out of 11?” I asked, but I heard no response. Looking over a Pinkie, I found her with bleary eyes, yawning and looking at me with a small, sad smile.

“What? What’s with the look?” I asked.

“It’s just good to actually see you smile and mean it for once…” she said tenderly as she yawned again.

I was smiling? I thought in embarrasment as she laid her head down on her pillow.

“I’m glad you had fun Mikey…this is what your party should have been…” she trailed off as her eyes closed.

“Had fun? I mean, yeah it’s videogames. I mean, sure it’s been awhile since I played with anyone else in person, but-“

She began snoring at that…loudly I might add.

I looked around at the three house crashers, and all of them had their eyes closed, dead to the world whilst I still had my controller ready and waiting. For a moment, I actually felt disappointed.

…I may have been smiling Pinkie, but it’s certainly not because of you, I thought in determination as I stared at her snoring form. You’re not going to break me…

With that I turned off the TV and filling the void of it’s silence was the raging storm outside. Without the distraction of the games, it was that much louder.

Well, now that they’re no longer an issue, it’s time for bed, I thought as I carefully got out of my chair and started tip toeing out of the living room, even as the thunder boomed outside. Careful...careful...treat them like raptors and you'll be fine...

Like a ninja, I made it to my kitchen. My throat was killing me from all the smack talk during our gaming, so I needed a drink before retreating to my room. To my surprise the kitchen looked as clean as it usually did, in fact it actually looked cleaner.

Hmm, I guess she can listen after all, I thought impressed as I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk jug. 

"Uh Michael?"

"GAH!"

The milk jug flew out of my hands and into the air as the sudden voice scared the crap out of me. I ignored the 'eep' sound coming from Flubber as I fumbled and miraculously caught the jug before it hit the ground.

"Geeze, are you trying to give a heart attack or something?!” I scolded her. “The hell are you still doing up anyway? Weren’t you asleep?"

"Well I um, sorry about scaring you,” she blathered. “I woke up because of the st-“

"You know what, never mind,” I waved her off. “Everyone else is asleep so no more sleepover stuff Okay? I’m just getting a drink and heading for bed.” With that said I poured myself a glass of milk as Flubber awkwardly and silently stood behind me. Looking behind me I spied her nervously tapping her fingers together and staring at the jug. Sighing and rolling my eyes, I grabbed another cup and poured her some as well.

“Here,” I said setting it on the counter.

“Oh, uh, thank you,” she said meekly as she took the cup.

“Don’t think much of it, it’s just milk,” I rolled my eyes as I started drinking.

Without another word she did as well, and only the pitter patter of the rain broke the silence. When I was finished, I set my cup in the sink and turned to her.

“Well night I guess,” I said as I started walking for the stairs before a bright light suddenly filled the room, followed a moment later with-

*BOOOOOOOOM*

The thunder actually shook some plates in the sink it was that loud, and even I jumped a bit as I turned around in shock.

Geeze that was a loud one! Hopefully that didn’t wake up the other two an-why can't I move my arms?

There was extra weight on my limbs and torso and when I looked down a cascade of light pink hair was under my chin.

"Uh Flubs, why are you hugging me?" I asked awkwardly as I couldn’t move.

Also, seriously what is with the girls in this town being ridiculously strong?!

"I'm...I'm really sorry Michael. It's just that I'm really, really, really, really, reall-"

*BOOM*

“EEP!” she cried out as the grip on my tightened. "Really scared of thunder...and lighting...but mostly thunder! It's just so loud, and sudden, and scary!"

“Yep...that’s an accurate description of thunder alright,” I deadpanned. “Now mind letting go of me? I’m starting to lose feeling in my arms.”

Despite the height difference and being in the dark I could still see Flubber’s eyes widen in shock as she quickly let go of me and backed a good couple of steps away from me.

“I-I am so so so sorry! I-I didn’t mean to invade your personal space like that!” she apologized as I shook my arms to get the blood flowing again. “Oh please don’t be mad at me, the thun-thunder was just so scary and I reacted and...and-“

“Alright alright already! You don’t need to apologize fifty times, once is good enough,” I cut her off bluntly, which only made her shrink inward and apologize again.

“Right, on that note I’m going to go pass out,” I grumbled as I facepalmed. “You have a good night or whatev-.”

*BOOM*

And once again, the storm shook the house, but this time in the flash of the lightning, I saw the girl before me more clearly. She didn’t latch onto me, but I could see that she was shivering like crazy and her eyes were full of fear. She looked like a scared chihuahua that just escaped a flood or some other great disaster.

And for some bizarre reason seeing her all freaked out...annoyed me. Normally I don’t really care about people’s fears unless it helps me to get rid of them, but watching her shiver was like looking at a crooked painting that just had to be straightened out.

Ugh! God Damn it! I just know this is going to cause a misunderstanding, but I’d take that over whatever the hell this is!

With that thought I opened the miscellaneous item drawer that everyone has in their kitchen and fished out what I needed.

“Here, some noise canceling headphones,” I said as I tossed them to her, which she nearly fumbled. “If the thunder is scarring you that much then just wear these bed.”

She looked at them confused before turning to me.

“If-if you don’t mind me asking, why do you have a pair of noise canceling headphones in your kitchen?”

Ugh, will this night ever end?!

“For blocking out annoyances. I’ve got a few and they’ve been a sound investment after Pinkie’s first visit. Ignoring the knocks on my door works wonders when you can’t actually hear anything.”

“Th-thank you...” she mumbled out and held them like a teddy bear.

“Mmhmm,” I nodded as I started to leave the kitchen

“Wait!”

“Oh for, what do you want now?” I asked harshly and she winced a little.

“I just…I just…”

“You just what?”

She huffed and steeled herself as she looked me square in the eye.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for thinking you were a bully for so long.”

That left me a bit dumbstruck and confused.

“Huh?” I asked and she looked down in embarrassment.

“When I first heard you’d made Pinkie cry, I thought that you were the worst kind of person,” she admitted. “Even after Pinkie said everything was alright, I still thought that way because you say mean things all the time and don’t remember people’s names.” She bit her lip and looked at my feet. “When we were forced to be partners in gym, it was awkward because I didn’t want to talk to you…I’m sorry I felt like that.”

“Oh…Okay,” I muttered not expecting that. “But why are you apologizing?”

“B-because I didn’t really give you a chance before…but after last week, I thought I’d give you one,” she explained smiling sadly.

I honestly didn’t even know there was tension between us. You’re hard to read lady!

“Um, that’s nice and all, but maybe you shouldn’t. You got a pretty good read on me already,” I said trying to discourage her but she shook her head.

“I thought I did, but now I’m not sure. It’s true you’re not the nicest person, but you’re not a bully either.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make me a friend,” I pointed out.

“No…no it doesn’t,” she nodded. “But that could change.”

“But I don’t-“

“Also,” she interrupted, “It means a lot to Pinkie Pie. She doesn’t normally do this sort of thing…”

I stared at her mouth agape after that declaration, unable to form words.

*BOOM*

The thunder ripped again, and though she shook, she looked me straight in the eye.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that Pinkie going out of her way to try and befriend someone despite their insistence not to isn’t normal for her,” she told me truthfully.

“But…but I thought that was her thing? Annoyingly collecting friends like trading cards. Everyone else seems to think it’s normal!” I argued and she actually rolled her eyes.

“Not everyone listens and observes as well as I do,” she shook her head. “Pinkie Pie isn’t friends with everyone, and if someone doesn’t want to be her friend back, she gives up after a time.”

“Pinkie…gives up?” I gasped at such an alien concept.

“Yes. Like Sonata Dusk,” she grimaced. “Pinkie wanted to be her friend badly when they first met…but after seeing how she and the other Dazzlings acted, she wrote all of them off. The same goes for Sunset Shimmer and many of the students from Crystal Prep.”

“But…then…” I stammered at the contradiction of it all. “Why hasn’t she given up on me then?” The normally quiet girl just shrugged at that.

“I don’t know...but I have seen this once before.”

“You have?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded. “Mr. Doodle, you know the chemistry teacher?”

“The grumpy old guy with the pompadour wig?”

“Yeah, him. Well, when he first met Pinkie Pie, he was very grumpy with her and treated her kind of like how you did…but Pinkie kept trying to make him her friend.”

“Why?” I asked, completely invested.

“Because Pinkie felt like she owed it to him,” she explained, rubbing her arm. “His first day, she’d accidentally broken something of his that belonged to someone he loved, and Pinkie felt guilty about it.”

She then smiled after that.

“She actually ended up reuniting Mr. Doodle with that long lost love of his, and they’re getting married this summer,” she then turned back to me. “Pinkie is his friend and favorite student now and is invited to the reception.”

“So…you think Pinkie feels like she owes this to me? To make it up to me?”

“I don’t know…Mr. Doodle is just the only other time I’ve seen her act like this,” she shrugged and my head span.

“But…I…Pinkie never broke anything of mine. I’m the one who made her cry, so why would she think…” A migraine started to form as this new angle wedged itself into my brain.

“I know…” Flubber say sympathetically. “If she hadn’t started doing this the first week, I would have thought that it was because of the…well, last weekend…”

I grit my teeth a bit at that. “Well if she broke something of mine, I don’t remember it. If she’s making it up to me for annoying me, she’s going about it the wrong way.”

“Did you know her from the past maybe?” Flubber suggested. “Like maybe she was an old friend of yours that you lost touch with?”

“Definitely not,” I shook my head. “Pinkie’s not exactly the kind of person you forget about.”

Besides, as annoying as she is, Pinkie would never have been in her group…

“Oh…Well, whatever the reason, there is something different about you that she’s willing to go this far for,” Flubber smiled. “And I think I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“I…It…Wha…” I blathered before sighing and holding my temple “Whatever. Just don’t bug me for the rest of the night and tomorrow and we’re all good, Okay Flubber?”

“Oh…alright,” she said, losing her bout of blunt confidence and acting like her usual self. “Thank you again for these headphones, I really do appreciate it.” She then put them on and smiled at me. “But please think about what I said. Something about you makes Pinkie Pie think you’re worth it.”

“Yeah, but I have no idea what that could possibly be…”

“Right…well, good night Michael,” she said as she started walking back to the living room before stopping and turning back to me.

“Oh, and also, my name is actually Flut-“

*BOOM*

The thunder drowned out whatever she was saying, though it appeared the noise cancellers worked since she didn’t even jump. And while my ears still rang, she smiled and went off to bed, thinking I’d heard whatever last thing she’d tried to tell me.

Left alone in the kitchen, my head still tried to process the info that the quiet girl had given me.

I’m too tired to try and sort this out. Besides, whatever Pinkie thinks she sees in me, she’s wrong. All of you are…

With that I finally left the kitchen and headed to my room, where I promptly passed out the minute I hit the bed.








THREE DAYS LATER, MONDAY


The following morning went as well as you’d expect it to. I woke up earlier than usual by the amazing smell that is pancakes and found Pinkie had somehow managed to cook some grand pancake breakfast, again despite the fact that I had no batter of any kind to make it.

Course I just ignored that blatantly obvious impossibility and just ate as many flapjacks as I could. Pinkie may be one annoying nutcase with no concept of boundaries and what ‘no’ means, but she can make some mean freaking pancakes!

Also, eating those tasty hotcakes did keep the questions about Pinkie’s motivations at bay.

Speaking of Flubber my headphones worked as she slept through the entire breakfast and only woke up when I not so subtly hinted that they should leave since the storm was over. No doubt they probably would have tried to weasel their way into spending more time in my house, but they got a call from Twilight. Apparently a tree branch had crashed into her bedroom window while she was having her own sleepover with Rarity and Applejack.

And despite saying everything was okay, Pinkie felt that annoying me was less important than visiting her friends who had “been in danger.”

“We’ll see you around Mikey, we should do this again some time,” she told me.

“I sure hope not,” I told her bluntly, and of course she laughed. Rainbow Dash and Flubber also pleasantly told me goodbye, like we were friends or something.

But yeah, after that the rest of my weekend was spent Pinkie free, and I spent the majority of my time procrastinating doing my homework. So a typical weekend.

Monday morning and my third official week at Canterlot High began with it’s usual fanfare. The ride to the school was about as pleasant as you’d think, which is to say not at all.

The laughter was far less prominent than the week before thankfully, but the side glances were full in force.

“Heh heh, they still believe the rumors that you and Sunset are seeing each other,” Pinkie laughed nervously as she tried to reassure me.

Of course they do, I rolled my eyes and cursed my fortune for having to sit next to Pinkie, and in the middle aisle seat no less. No room to hide my face and read manga, truly this is a sign that today is gonna be one of those days...

“But don’t worry, if Sunset gets angry at you in the open, that will make them think otherwise…or they’ll just think you’re having a lover’s quarrel,” she pondered with her finger on her chin.

So as Pinkie tried to “cheer me up” I just kind of zoned out till we reached school and we got off the bus.

“So Mikey, I was thinking maybe you, me, and the girls could hang out at Sugarcube Corner after school today? We’ve got this awesome sale going on, and every Monday is mystery flavor day! I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t edi-GASP!”

"Did...did you just say the word gas-"

"Look at that!" she ignored me, grabbing my head and pointing my face towards the school entrance.

"Hey! What did I say about personal spa...huh?" for once my anger at Pinkie’s antics melted away as I saw what got her riled up. There was a whole crowd of students surrounding the weird horse monument that was in front of the school. A lot of them were all talking to each other, with plenty of others having their phones out pointed at the monument.

The reason why was pretty obvious, since the entire monument was riddled with graffiti. From the base of the statue all the way to the top, not one inch of it was spared. The graffiti itself was pretty nasty too with lots of lewd drawings and messages about how Canterlot sucks. The statute was also now sporting a brand new pair of underwear...somehow, and there was a bunch of toilet paper on it as well. Honestly it looked like some college frat went to town on the thing. And while everyone else was freaking out over it...I honestly couldn't give a crap.

Oh no our precious man eating horse statue has been covered in easy to remove material! It must be the end times!

“That’s absolutely horrible Mikey! Why would anyone do that to the Wondercolt? Look at him! Look how they massacred our boy!” Pinkie lamented.

“Yeah, that sucks and all. I’m gonna go to my locker before I break down in tears,” I monotoned as I walked away.

“Okay, but stay strong Michael! We’ll all get through this…” she whimpered sounding legitimately sad.

It’s a dang marble horse!  I shook my head at everyone’s idiocy.

As I got my books and headed to class, all everyone was talking about was the vandalism, and though it was aggravating to hear the what if’s, it did distract people from ribbing on me.

“I bet you anything it was those Crystal Prep jerkoffs,” Rainbow grunted while the teacher had their back turned.

“Yeah probably,” I said without a care in the world.

“Well if they want to play hardball, we’ll play hardball. They desecrate our mascot, we’ll destroy theirs!" she said cracking her knuckles as I rolled my eyes.

“Oh yeah, because that’s totally worth getting fined for.”

“Dang right it is,” she nodded as if I was serious. “Their precious Shadowbolt has a date with a can of gasoline and-“ she was cut off as the PA system hummed to life and everyone looked to it.

[Will Michael Bacon and Sunset Shimmer please report to the Vice Principal’s office? Michael Bacon and Sunset Shimmer to the Vice Principal’s office. Thank you.]

Once the audio cut, all eyes in the classroom turned immediately towards me. Some looked curious, some looked accusatory, and yet others smirked.

“Ooohhh,” a few of them cat called.

“Trouble in paradise?” some girl giggled and I sighed. Only Rainbow seemed sympathetic.

“Hey, you Okay?” she asked.

“No. I’m still at this stupid ass school,” I answered tersely as I got up and headed for the door.

Of course it’s going to be one of those days. Every day is one of those days!
> Episode 14: Vice-Principal Luna; Judge, Jury, and Moron
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There’s been worse ways I started off a school day in the past, but this…this made the top twenty.

Being called to the office wasn’t anything new to me either. At my old schools, I’d been around the block with the principals, guidance counselors, behavioral experts and other utterly useless figure heads due to my “extreme” anti-bully methods. Apparently goading morons into hitting you so that they get in trouble can be considered disruptive behavior. Maybe if they’d done their damn jobs and actually solved the problems, then I wouldn’t have had to resort to such things. 

But anyway, like I said, not my first rodeo. I’d even been to Canterlot’s offices just last week due to the...incident at the party, and we all know how that turned out. Though at least with those times, I knew why I was called.

Maybe they found out I was just playing hooky last Friday somehow?, I theorized to myself as I walked the empty hallways. Though the only ones that knew that were Pinkie, Flubber and Rainbow…Well, Rainbow is dumb enough to say something stupid like that aloud, so who knows.

As I walked towards an uncertain end, I grew increasingly annoyed by the idiots that stared at me through the classroom windows. Apparently the infamous new kid and one of the biggest bullies getting called out over the intercom was more important than their teacher’s gabbing. Some of them weren’t even subtle about it and stuck their heads out the door to look at me with their smirks and intrigue.

And it’s times like these that I wish more teachers were like Ms. Harshwhinny. She may be a dictator, but she doesn’t take crap like this, I grumbled to myself as the sheep spread their gossip. Seriously, this isn’t some once in a lifetime show, mind your own damn business!

Thankfully my patented 'Buzz off idiots' glare worked it’s charm as they all flinched and went back to whatever the hell they were doing before I walked by.

I actually am starting to miss my old school at this point, at least the assholes at that place knew how to hide the fact that they were watching me for one reason or another!

On top of the annoying ass stares, and the occasional mocking comment from said jerks, my phone kept buzzing like crazy. And after a widespread announcement, I had no doubts to who it was.

Oh for-Come On Pinkie! Quit blowing up my phone! I thought with irritation. I still didn’t even know how she’d gotten my number in the first place, and the fact that I hadn’t blocked her yet was seeming like a real oversight on my part. And as the buzzing continued on my mysterious walk of shame, I gave in and pulled the annoyance out.

Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Son of a-

On the plus side, I was wrong, it wasn’t Pinkie spamming me. But on the down side, it was a much, much worse situation. A bunch of unknown numbers flooded my inbox, all of them asking what was going on? 

Damn It Pinkie! I didn’t tell you you could pass my numbers to your friends! ARGH!

Aside from Twilight and Rainbow, who conveniently gave a heads up to who they were, the rest of the numbers just asked if everything was okay and stuff. In total, there were 4 numbers texting me, and suspiciously, Pinkie wasn’t one of them. That curiosity aside, I figured the other absent one was Applejack since she, you know, hated me and stuff.

Well this is just great! I huffed. Now I’ve got to change numbers before the Rejects or Shimmer write it on a bathroom stall for shits and giggles. Agh, but I can’t change it again! Four times in one year will get Mom’s attention!

Groaning some more, I shut off the phone without replying to any of them, which I knew would drive Twilight nuts.

With any luck I'll only get a minor lecture for not responding...Wait No! What am I thinking!? Screw that! I’m not gonna listen to any of her whining after this fiasco! I thought with determination. Pinkie’s forced camaraderie seemed to be getting to me, so I had to be more careful not to let it reach me subconsciously. A bad movie marathon could cure that.

After nodding at that plan with conviction, I continued my trek past the peanut gallery till I reached the Vice Principal’s office. Having already been here once, I was still no less intrigued about how her door was the only one in the school that was purple. It even had some sort of family crest or something in the shape of the moon hanging above it. Some people are just egotistical I guess. But, out of place or not, the door was closed, which we all know means Sit Your Ass Down and Wait. There were some uncomfortable wooden chairs to the side, but I was a bit hesitant to sit down, and it had nothing to do with their lack of cushioning.

For there, sitting on one of the chairs, casting a nasty heated glare at me was Shimmer. I had no doubt that had she had the power, I would’ve spontaneously burst into flames from her gaze. Thankfully, I had been prepared for it since last Friday, only I had expected to receive it in History, not first thing in the morning.

And now this whole thing is just adding more fuel to the fire, great, I thought tiredly as I made my way towards her. I knew she was smart enough to rein in her true self this close to authority, so I wasn’t worried about being hit. Though at the same time, I reminded myself that she lost the nerve to actually hit me when she had the chance last week.

With that in mind I just shrugged off Shimmer's glare before I snarked,

"What's with the look? I'd thought you'd be happy to see me?"

"About as happy to see you as I am being near those Dazzle Tramps, which if your tiny brain can't understand means not at all," she growled out as her glare deepened.

I just gave her a mock hurt look as I sat down, making sure to keep a seat between us, just in case.

"Aw, I missed you too. Sorry I couldn't see ya last week, I got caught up in avoiding the school like the plague so I missed the bus."

"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was for me!?” she seethed through clenched teeth. “Everybody was staring and whispering about me and how I 'picked up a new play toy!' I haven't been this embarrassed since junior high!"

Hello interesting tidbit that needs more info for future blackmail...

Making sure to mentally tab that information slip for later I rolled my eyes before saying,

"Well gee Condiment Head, I guess I wouldn't know that...oh wait, I do! In fact I bet there are plenty of people you know who go through that daily!" My little jab at Shimmer's bullying managed to make the girl flinch slightly, much to my surprise considering I had her pegged as being a bit more steeled.

"That's beside the point you idiot! The whole student body thinks I'm dating a loser like you. My rep around the school has taken a major dive because of this, and it’s going to take forever to regain my proper standing!"

"Well it's not all sunshine and rainbows for me either! You think I want these morons thinking I’m with someone like you?” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“You’re not that lucky! But yeah, I had to deal with idiocy like that and more last Friday all by myself! An entire day of it!"

“Yeah, maybe you should have gotten sick like I did,” I snarked. “I saw the coming storm and hunkered down.”

“I didn’t know there was a damn video!” she threw her hands up. “You being gone only made things worse!”

"Right, and that's my fault because...?"

"If you hadn't skipped school, I wouldn't have had to deal with the full brunt of it! I could have pushed it off to your dumbass, or make up some kind of story to get more attention on you!" she huffed, her eyes twitching in annoyance.

"Wait, you’re telling me you didn't spread any weird rumors?” I asked in actual curiosity. “I figured that half of the looks I was getting was because of you trying to save face. My presence would have put a dampener on that, so shouldn't it have been easier that way?"

I swear the light from the ceiling was playing tricks on me, because I could have sworn for a second that Shimmer actually blushed in embarrassment.

"Th-that's beside the point! I had to deal with a bunch of morons thinking I'd willingly go anywhere with you, all because you decided to ditch and leave me to suffer the brunt of it all!"

"Whelp, there's a lesson for ya then. Never mess with me, or the powers of a public incident in the modern age, and maybe stuff like this won’t happen," I said unsympathetically.

Shimmer's face contorted into rage, and I thought for a second that was actually going to start the shouting match. But she either realized where she was or thought it wasn't worth her time as she just gave a deep, annoyed sigh before turning away from me and continued glaring at the wall.

For the next few minutes there was a tense silence between the two of us, with nothing but the monotonous ticking of the clock to distract us. Eventually too much time passed and I started to get antsy, with my foot even tapping in synch with the time piece.

Geeze, it’s been ten minutes already! How long is that VP going to keep us waiting? Why are we even here again?!

Deciding information outweighed getting my head bitten off, I turned back to my bully.

"So…” I trailed off trying to catch her attention, but she still didn’t look at me. “Any idea why Vice Principal Luna called us down, or why she’s making us wait so long?"

Surprisingly Sunset actually responded without insulting me.

"No clue on both accounts. My only guess is that some idiot got her attention after she called us down and she's dealing with them first,” she waved dismissively towards the door before she gave me a curious glance. “As for why she called us down, I honestly thought you did something over the weekend about the video and she called us down to get our side of the story."

"Me?” I all but gasped in surprise. “All I did was game all weekend and do some last minute homework. I figured you hunted down the kid who took the video and threatened them to take it down.”

“Wh-What?” she said taken aback. “One of those little kids took the video?”

“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

“No,” she answered.

“Oh…so you didn’t go after some Elementary school twerp and make them wet themselves so much that their parents are now suing?”

"Wha-!? Why would I go that far?!” she asked in outrage.

“Uh, because you’re the type to do anything to get your way?” I pointed out to which she frowned.

“I’m not so stupid to go after little kids moron,” she glared at me as if I’d insulted her honor.

“Really? Then what are the two little toadies that follow you around?”

“Snips and Snails are middle schoolers, not to mention idiots, so that’s a huge difference,” she argued and my head swam from trying to comprehend that justification.

“Eh, whatever helps you sleep at night Condi-“

“Stop calling me that!” she hissed and I smirked.

“Oh sorry, how about She-Devil? I’ve heard that one thrown around a few times.”

"Ugh, please don't remind me of that title. Of all the damned names they could pick..."

“I don’t know, fits you just as much as my nickname,” I shrugged.

“Oh it does does it?” she curled her hands. “Well guess what, thanks to the rumor mill, you get to share that title, She-Devil Lover!”

“Sh-She-Devil Lo…Really?” I stuttered. “That’s really what they’re going with?”

“Yeah, not so funny now is it?” she huffed and crossed her arms.

“No, it’s just idiotic. How could they possibly believe that you and me are…Just how?!” I stammered in disbelief.

“I’ve been asking myself that same question for the last 4 days Bacon,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“I just…Ugh,” I facepalmed and shook my head.

First Chicken Sauce, and now this? And I thought my derivative names for others were bad…

We sat for another few minutes in silence as I processed the stupid gossip.

“It’s not even a good nickname. It doesn’t roll off the tongue at all,” I said rubbing my forehead.

“Well just like you, the students here are creatively uncreative,” she rolled her eyes.

"You're telling me. I mean, it’s not even alliterative. I was expecting something like 'Shimmer's Sweetiemuffin' or something gross like that," I admitted which got a snort out of her.

"Right? Or maybe some stupid combo like 'Sunset's Sauce,'" she quipped.

"What, do you own a hot sauce stand?” I actually chuckled. “You want a combo name, then it would have been 'Sunike' or 'Shimcon,' ya know like those ship names online?"

To my surprise Sunset actually laughed at this, which in turned caused me to laugh as well. It was strange, considering she seemed ready to rip me a new one just a few moments earlier. I also couldn't help but recall the whole movie theater incident, but thankfully before things could reach those awkward levels again we both seemed to realize what was happening.

Coughing into her fist, she plastered a scowl back on her face. “Well whatever the case, the lame name they came up with is what we’ve got till I squash this insubordination.”

“Spoken like a true dictator,” I deadpanned, going back to my neutral expression. Nature was rebalanced at that point, as Predator and Prey should never be chummy.

"Ugh! I can't believe I have to deal with youridiocy right now,” she groaned.

"Well I can't believe I’ve got to spend my morning around you!” I shot back.

"And I can't believe it's not butter!”

"GAH!?" both Sunset and I eeped in surprise at the new voice in the conversation.

“I mean, really, you would think it was, but it’s not!”

“Freaking-Where the hell did you even come from Pinkie!?” I asked, clutching at my thumping chest.

“Hehehe, that’s easy silly! I came out of the Vice Principal’s office!” she said, pointing to the open purple door behind her.

Huh, looks like Shimmer’s guess was spot on. An idiot did get brought in before us.

Shimmer seemed to share my assessment if her eye roll was anything to go by, as well as her even more annoyed face.

“Right…I guess you’re constant hyper idiocy finally caught up with you huh?”

“No no, nothing that bad. It’s not a Code Pink situation Mikey,” she handwaved and my eye just twitched.

“You have an actual school violation dedicated solely to you? Why am I not surprised?”

“But you were surprised just a few minutes ago,” she giggled annoyingly and I sighed. She then invaded my personal space and whispered. “By the way, don’t ask anything more about Code Pink. The school board made me Pinkie Promise to never tell anyone, so I have to keep it all hush hush.”

That...that just raises so many more questions.

So dumbfounded by Pinkie's 'explanation' I didn't even bother to push her away like usual and instead just sat looking at her like she just grew a second head. As for Pinkie, she just giggled at my stupefied face before leaning away from me.

"So whatcha doing out here Mikey? Shouldn’t you be in class?” she asked before her eyes sparkled with amazement. “Oh! Did you pull some super duper awesome prank on someone and now you have to face the man!? Oh oh, or did you help stop some mean bully by battling them in some awesome brawl and now you’re here healing your wounds, both physical and emotional, while the bully heals in the nurse's office!?"

I could only stare blankly at Pinkie and her ramblings, and before I could even begin to think of a response, Sunset beat me to it.

"Cool your jets weirdo, neither of us knows why we're here." Apparently Pinkie only noticed the bully after she spoke because her eyes widened and her jaw dropped in shock as she gasped. She began shakily pointing back and forth between me and Sunset as her lips began to tremble.

"Wha-wha-wha-what are you doing here Sunset!?"

"Are you deaf now you pastry obsessed nimrod, or were your ears so full of frosting that you missed the PA system going off?" Sunset said as she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Me and this loser got called down by the VP for something this dipshit did."

"What She-Bitch means is that we got called down here for something she did and probably put the blame on me to get the heat off of her!" I shot back, sending her a glare.

And thus me and Sunset went back to our little staring contest of hatred, while Pinkie nervously twiddled her thumbs, which was odd. I may not have had the displeasure of knowing Pinkie for long, but if there was one thing I had picked up about her, it was that she had the knack of making a comment, or just doing something bizarrely annoying to distract everyone from the current topic. I guess when it came to Sunset though, things were different.

"Ahem," a 'cough' interrupted our stare down. Both our visions were drawn to the Vice Principal with her arms crossed, observing us with a raised brow.

And we meet again Ms. Long Legs the Second, I thought as my eyes involuntarily went to said legs. Now don’t get the wrong idea, I wasn’t checking her out or anything, it’s just that she and the Principal both had freakishly long legs that seemed to take up more than half their body. They were the answer to the question, Hey girl, how far up do those legs go?

Seeing that she had our attention, she spoke in a very authoritative voice,

"If the two of you are done with your lover’s quarrel please join me in my office." Her stern look softened slightly as she turned her gaze towards Pinkie before saying, "As for you Ms. Pie, I do hope this will be the last time I have to tell you that causing a 'Cupcake Bomb of Happiness' to cheer the students up is not allowed during school hours. Now back to class with you."

With her piece said the vice principal walked back into her office, ignoring both mine and Sunset’s heated denial/gagging of her calling us…that! Apparently our rebuttal managed to snap Pinkie out of whatever shocked induced daze she was in as well.

"Wai-wait a second! Time out! Hold on, stop the presses! Just what the heck is going on!? The V-Principal is never that cold towards anyone! Just what the heck did you two do!?"

First off, V-principal? Really? This school even has it’s own slang, just how dumb can this place get!? Secondly, what the hell do you mean by that? You’re telling me she doesn't always sound like some hard ass? And finally, YOU MADE A FREAKING CUPCAKE BOMB!?

Oblivious to my thoughts Pinkie continued to try and pry info out of the both of us, which were answers we didn't have. Deciding to save myself from an even further headache than the one I already had, I stood up and made my way into the office with a reluctant Sunset following after me.

The last I saw of Pinkie was her waving her arms around in an over exaggerated confused manner as the door shut behind us.







You know, usually there is nothing worse than being stuck sitting across the principal in awkward silence as they silently judge you for doing something stupid. You get all anxious and start to sweat, wondering what's going on through their head. You start thinking things like 'how did I get caught?' or 'what's my punishment going to be?' or the biggest, most terrifying thought in existence...

Are they going to call my parents?

I mean it’s just basic psychology really. Being looked down on or judged by an authority sucks and all, but when that authority figure is the person who helped raise you? That's when you get kicked hard in the gut with guilt and wonder if it’s possible to curl up into a ball and try and vanish from this plain of existence.

At least those are the usual kinds of feelings one feels when they’re called into the principal’s office and are forced to awkwardly sit quietly in front of them.

This...this was not one of those situations. Oh I was sitting in awkward silence next to even more awkward silent Sunset for sure. But, well...how do I put this?

The vice-principal of this school is a total try hard.

The lights in the room were turned off with the only light source coming from the window which was obscured by blinds. Horizontal strips of shadow and light fell across the room giving the illusion that we were in a poorly filmed Noir movie, and not even a so bad it’s good one to boot. She was even dramatically looking through said blinds with her back to us, as if she were looking for witnesses or something.

Is she for real? No wonder The Dazzlings get away with so much if this is how she tries to be intimidating. But why the hell is she giving this charade to us?

The previous week, her office had been brightly lit and she left the door open, so clearly this time she felt she had to treat me differently, but I was still clueless as to why. I shared a look with Shimmer who just shrugged as the VP continued to stare out the window. Since neither of us wanted to interrupt her in her state of Zen, I just started to examine the room to kill time more than anything. From what few things that stood out in that office, it was clear she had a gothic moon motif.

I mean, her name’s Luna and she’s got moon imagery everywhere, narcissist much? I thought as I looked at her ornate name stand. Also, the principal’s name is Celestia, I wonder if she’s got like star decorations or something?

"I hope you both understand why I've called you done to my office?" she spoke, interrupting my thoughts and making me jolt a bit. With our attention back on her she turned around to face us with folded arms and a stern look. Seeing as how she was done with her 'Unnerving' silent contemplation, I answered her.

"Actually, I have no clue why I'm here, but I'm sure Condi-I mean Sunset here did whatever it is you think I did."

"I truly don't understand why I'm here dear Vice Principal Luna,” Sunset said in her false sweet voice. “I was just minding my own business giving back to this wonderful school that has taught me so much. I'm sure this is all some big misunderstanding caused by Mr. Bacon."

We both went with the age old 'blame the other person' idea used by kids the world over, but since we both pushed the other under the bus at the same time we ended up glaring at each other again. This time our little glaring contest was cut short when the vice principal huffed in annoyance, drawing our attention back to her even sterner glare.

"So you both are denying any involvement in today’s incident, is that right?"

Our confusion was evident since it was completely genuine, but this only appeared to irk her more. With a sigh of annoyance, she reached into her desk and pulled out a folder. Upon opening it, she took out a handful of photos and set them before us. 

"The both of you are the main suspects in the defacing of the school’s beloved mascot statue,” she said coldly. Sure enough, the pictures were of the graffitied statue I’d ignored that morning. To say that Sunset and I were shocked by this accusation would be an understatement.

“Wh-What?!” Shimmer exclaimed, while I stayed silent.

“I brought the two of you here to plead your case, and in the best case scenario admit to being behind this heinous act which would work out better for the both of you."

Geeze, with the way she's talking you'd think we committed murder or something, I thought with silent malice. I was absolutely pissed that I was being accused of this petty bullcrap, but I knew better than to show that to a teacher or principal, even if they were saying dumb shit. Sunset, on the other hand, had no such restraint apparently.

"What in the world are you talking about?!” she yelped out indignantly. “Why would you think I would do something like that!?"

So much for the sweet, innocent girl act Shim Shim, I thought with a roll of my eyes.

“So, you do deny it then?” Luna asked with a raised brow.

“Of course I do! I would never do that to the Wondercolt! I love that stupid horse!” she responded rather heatedly.

Seriously, what’s up with the fanatical school spirit here? I thought in puzzlement. Sunset sounded completely honest and outraged at the accusation, and I for the life of me had never seen such devotion to a pointless mascot outside of a few jock meatheads.

The VP only raised a skeptical brow at the fiery haired girl before casting her gaze towards me.

“And you Mr. Bacon? Do you deny involvement as well?”

“Yeah I deny it Ms. Luna,” I told her plainly. “I don’t know why you think I’m a suspect, but I didn’t mess with that horse.”

She closed her eyes and sighed in that ‘I expected this, yet I’m still disappointed’ way that is so aggravating. Even Sunset caught onto the fact that she’d already made up her mind that she thought we were guilty.

“I swear it Ms. Luna! I don’t know about him, but I didn’t graffiti the Wondercolt!” she pleaded.

Sighing again, she sat down and shook her head. “Alright then, I gave you a chance.”

That blasé attitude made me even more pissed.

Are you for real lady?! I thought but dared not say.

“But Ms. Luna-“ Sunset started but she was interrupted.

“Several students this morning have come forth and fingered you two as the culprits,” she said plainly.

“What? But-“

“And it was not just some small group, but several from different cliques and clubs, all saying that Sunset Shimmer and Michael Bacon were responsible.”

“Ms. Luna, in all fairness do you have any actual proof besides some people claiming this to be true?” I asked, not entirely keeping the heat out of my words.

God damn lying pricks all around this place, and this moron believes them!

"Well Mr. Bacon, if you must know there is plenty of proof to suggest the two of you are behind this. But if it would make you feel better I suppose I can list it out to you."

I couldn't stop myself from glaring slightly at her demeaning tone, as she took out a piece of paper from the folder and began to read off it.

“Now, I don’t just go off of word of mouth you two, I look at the facts. And the fact is, both of you have had documented records in your past involving spray paint and the defacement of private property, especially you Mr. Bacon.”

Oh god damn it! I winced as I knew what she was talking about. It was one of the few times I’d gotten caught in my vengeance pranks on my bullies at previous schools. Pro tip, if you’re gonna graffiti some asshole’s locker, backpack and bike, check for cameras first, or otherwise your parents have to pay a huge fine and you gotta transfer to a new school. Elementary school was a rocky learning stage for my skills.

“And from the records, your motivation was vengeance.”

I didn’t answer her, since my defense of ‘They Broke My Cell Phone in Front of Me’ didn’t fly in the past, so why would it now?

“Hey wait a minute, I was just painting a mural!” Shimmer argued. “I wasn’t the only one to paint one that day!”

“A mural on a building that didn’t belong to you, and which you were fined by the city police Ms. Shimmer,” Luna responded and she grit her teeth.

A mural? Like she was actually making art or something? I thought curiously before shaking my head from such thoughts. More likely that was her excuse when she was caught.

“Just because I drew something in the past doesn’t mean-“ Sunset started but was cut off again.

“There’s also the fact that there is photographic proof,” she claimed.

“What?” Sunset stammered.

Oh bullshit! I mentally complained.

"Based on our school’s security system, and because of the stormy weather over the weekend, the statue was defaced between midnight last night and five o’clock this morning when the janitorial crew arrived. Now we don’t have a full angle of that section, but we did pick up something interesting,” she said showing the photo to us.

The grainy photo had the time at 1:14 AM, and it only showed the very tip top part of the horse’s head, but no clear view on it’s base. It mostly showed the parking lot.

“Is this the best angle you have? This shows nothing,” I pointed out.

And what kind of building doesn't have rotating cameras in this day and age?

“Oh doesn’t it?” Luna smirked conspiratorially which made me want to smack her. She turned to Sunset with the same smirk, “Ms. Shimmer, is this not your vehicle?”

Sunset paled a bit as the vice principal tapped her finger at the edge of the parking lot at a red car.

“Th-That is my car,” she admitted. “B-But that’s just a coincidence!”

“A coincidence? A coincidence that you, a suspect, were driving by this early in the morning on a school night around the time this heinous act took place?”

“Yes!” she shouted.

“Then why were you driving past this time?” Luna inquired.

“I was…I was driving home,” Shimmer said, though she sounded embarrassed.

Wait, did she actually do this? I wondered.

“From where Ms. Shimmer?” Luna grilled.

“Just, I was out for a drive to cool my head,” she said, and even I could see she was clearly hiding something.

You bitch, if you’re behind this then just admit it and don’t drag me down with you you-

“I see,” Luna said, clearly not believing her.

“Hey, if you’ve got proof on her that’s fine, but you’ve got nothing to prove I was there, or that I even had a reason,” I argued, throwing her under the bus even more.

“That’s where you’re wrong Mr. Bacon,” she said condescendingly as she pulled out a different photo showing what looked like a blown up cell phone picture, and what I saw made my blood boil. Emptied ketchup and mustard bottles on the ground, with it’s contents spilled on the surrounding concrete and grass, though not a drop on the statue itself.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked with a glare. Now I knew someone was setting me up.

“I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of the resolved incident involving Ms. Dazzle, Blaze and Dusk last week-“

“Resolved?!” I accused.

“But this is a clear indication of your involvement.”

“I…Just…NO!” I grunted, my frustration getting the better of me. “This means nothing! Those bi…Jerks were the ones to smear me with that!”

“And as your records show, you’re not above taking vengeance,” she said matter of factly.

“Well maybe if you’d actually done something about them I’d-“ I cut myself off as she glared at me for calling her out. Try hard or not, she still had all the power and was somewhat terrifying. “I mean…that’s not proof enough!”

“From footprints around the base, we know that there were at least two culprits, one wearing men’s shoes, and one women’s. And seeing as how you two have been seen together outside of school making trouble before, I think the evidence speaks for itself.”

“But I don’t even hang out with him!” Sunset argued. “I-We Didn’t Do This!”

“Oh really? What about that video of you two getting into a verbal altercation with those Crystal Prep students on your little date?” she asked smugly.

"THAT WASN'T A DATE!"

"WE ARE NOT A COUPLE DAMN IT!"

All attempts to keep our composure went out the window at that. Her circumstantial evidence aside, the fact that she would believe even that stupid rumor just pushed me over the edge. Our outbursts actually wiped that smug look off her face though.

“Oh, my apologies, I just thought-“

“Well you’re wrong about this and me and her!” I growled. “She’s a stuck up evil jerk, and I wouldn’t be caught dead with her!”

“Oh please, you couldn’t pay me to date a loser like you!” she snarled back.

"Alright, that is enough out of both of you!” the VP shouted, ending our argument. “Whether you’re dating or not, the fact is you both have caused mischief outside of school together, and this was not three days ago.”

“But it’s all circumstantial!” I argued back.

“And those Crystal Prep jerks were the ones to start that argument in the theatre anyway!” Sunset added.

“That may be so, but circumstantial or not, all of these paint a picture that’s clear enough to see for the school board,” she said as she closed the folder.

“Huh?” Sunset gaped.

“The board has been phoning the principal for the last few hours demanding someone face the consequences, and quite frankly, they feel the evidence speaks for itself.”

I clenched my teeth and fists in anger at that statement.

So basically you’re throwing the new kid under the bust to save your ass! I thought with outrage.

Someone had framed me, and I knew it was targeted to me at least with the gossip and the condiment bottles, but they didn’t want to see that. This moronic woman was throwing together all the stitched pieces of “evidence” and trying to appease a bunch of grumpy assholes who wanted a scapegoat. I didn’t know about Shimmer, but I had done nothing wrong, but they didn’t care so long as someone paid for their stupid horse!

I thought this school was idiotic before, but this is a whole new level of bullshit! Just what the fu-

"Vice Principal Luna! You can't actually believe that this is the best solution, can you?" Sunset asked in such a desperate tone it managed to reach me even through my anger. Glancing to her I was surprised to see that her eyes were actually glistening slightly as if she was about to bawl. Now, I know crocodile tears. I’d seen my fair of Mean Girl types utilize them for sympathy or for frame jobs, but Sunset…Sunset was legitimately about to cry. Just like when I saw her laughing in the theater, it threw me for a loop as this wasn’t anything like the girl who had been trying and failing to make my life a living hell.

Wait, are you sad for getting caught or…are you getting framed as well?

Luna’s demeanor changed slightly as well as a look of sympathy seemed to come across her.

Wait a damn minute! Do YOU not even believe what you’ve been schilling? I thought in outrage and befuddlement. 

But before Sunset could cry, or I could voice my suspicions, or Luna could offer a word of comfort, the door opened.

“Oh little Lulu, is that the sweet sound of lamentation I hear?” asked a carefree voice filled with nothing but humor.

Now, to say the mood in the room did a total 180 would be an understatement. The VP’s cold façade broke into annoyance and embarrassment, while Sunset and I left our despair and anger in favor of bewilderment. Because how else do you respond to your Geography teacher interrupting such a dire situation?

“Distorted? What are you doing here?” Luna asked in perplexity to the wildly dressed grey haired man.

“Oh certainly not eavesdropping on your little kangaroo court, that would just be rude wouldn’t it Lulu?” he said with a grin before flicking on the lights and blinding all three of us.

Jesus! A little warning next time teach! I grumbled as I rubbed my eyes as Sunset did the same. Luna grumbled as her vision cleared and she glared at Mr. D as he closed the door and sauntered into the room.

“I’m very busy at the moment Mr. Distorted, and why aren’t you in your classroom?” she huffed.

“Oh, I just needed a quick bathroom break, but lo and behold I hear raised voices coming from your office, so I thought to myself, ‘What’s Lulu up to?’”

“I’ve already told you a million times to stop with that nickname!” she exclaimed

“Oh, but who needs professionalism between friends? Come on, give it a try, call me by my moniker so I’m not left out,” he pleaded in a bubbly manner, as he leaned on her desk next to me. After the grilling we’d just gone through, I couldn’t believe that the try hard VP could blush that much in embarrassment, it was surreal.

"For the last time Mr. Distorted, the work place is not a time for your jo-"

"You know, I remember when you first got this desk,” he interrupted her tangent as he caressed said furniture. “It was made of mahogany if I remember correctly. I do so love that word. Mahogany…”

The Vice Principal actually growled at Mr. D's interrupting remark before she forced herself to take a deep breath.

"Now Mr. Distorted, why are you he-"

"Mahogany," he said whilst still looking at the desk.

"...Mr. Distorted please-"

"Ma-hog-any," he emphasized

"Mr. Distorte-"

"Ma...hog...any.”

"Dist-"

"Mah-"

"SHUT UP DISCORD!" she yelled at the top of her lungs which shook me a bit, but Mr. D only responded with a smile.

“There, that wasn’t so hard now was it?” he said with a trollish grin and the VP groaned and facepalmed.

What...the hell...did I just witness!? I thought, completely lost to what was happening. Sunset fared no better as she gaped and looked between both adults.

In only a few seconds, the kooky Geography teacher had completely flipped the atmosphere of the entire room, and none of us even knew why.

Also, Discord? That’s a pretty odd nickname.

“Ok, Discord,” she said with disdain. “Why are you in my office?”

"Oh I'm hurt Loony Luna Lunason, truly I am! How could you possibly not know why I'm here?" he overdramatically said as he held his hands on his chest in mock hurt.

“With you, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s just for the hell of it,” she snarled.

“My, what venom you’re spitting today. Are you still mad Celestia and I didn’t invite you to that Brazilian Steakhouse with us?”

“What you and my sister do together is no concern to me!” Luna bellowed, clearly proving his point. Mr. D smirked and turned and slung his arms around Sunset and I.

“She loves being a third wheel when she can,” he said slyly with a wink as she groaned.

You’re dating the Principal? I mean…good on you I guess, but…huh. My brain tried to process the prim and proper long legged Amazonian principal being together with the sloppily dressed snaggle-toothed weirdo. And on top of that, she and Luna are sisters? That’s bias in the power system if I ever saw it.

"Now Lulu, my love life with your sister is neither here or there. I'm here to help you take care of our little trouble twosome here!" he said giving our shoulders a wiggle.

"I don’t need your help, I have things perfectly handled here,” she responded angrily. “In fact, I was just about to hand down their punishment before you interrupted me."

"Tsk tsk tsk, I can't believe you’re giving into those spoil sports on the school board so easily. Weren't you the one going on and on about how 'injustice is the sure fire way to killing a good school environment?' and how you'd 'fight to prove the guilty are truly guilty, 100% with no room for error?' Seems this whole situation reeks of possible error," Mr. D said in a tone oozing with slime, and making me reconsider him on my teacher threat level as higher than it was before.

To the Vice Principal’s credit, she had the courtesy to flinch at being called out before she responded,

“I’m not giving in…” she said unsurely.

“Oh really? You didn’t just find your little sacrifices here at ‘Scapegoats R Us?’” he asked smugly, causing her to purse her lips. “Even to a guy like me, that’s cold.”

Are…are we actually being defended? I thought in awe.

“The evidence they’ve reviewed-“

“Oh Objection and all that Detective Gumshoe,” he interrupted. “Sometimes the truth isn’t black and white, it’s in shades of red and yellow.” He emphasized this by flicking a curl of Sunset’s hair which she twitched at.

“Be that as it may, they require results sooner rather than-“

“Oh, those namby pambies can go stick a cinnamon sugar flavored fork in it. The last I checked, you and Celly ran the school, not them. Who are they to demand order, far from the screaming hormone addled horde we deal with on a daily basis?”

Even as confused as I was, I had mad respect for his candor. Being a snarky asshole is an art, and even I knew this guy was leagues ahead of me. Case in point, Luna’s face became stoic as she just stared at Mr. D.

"Well what do you propose then Discord?" she asked sternly. At this his sly smirk grew into a wicked grin that unsettled me and even Sunset due to it’s proximity.

"Why my dear, delusional Luna, I suggest a simple bet to solve all our troubles."

"A bet!” Sunset spoke up in alarm. “Mr. D, we’re being wrongfully accused and you want to turn this into a ga-" Sunset was cut off as he held hand in front of her face, shutting her up.

“Ah, ah, ah, let Defense Attorney Discord handle this child,” he said playfully before turning back to Luna. "Here's the bet Lulu, let's give these two little trouble makers a week to find out who the real culprit behind the crime is.”

“Find the real culprit?” Luna asked skeptically.

“Well, assuming they didn’t do it of course,” he added as he sent a questioning eyebrow at me and Sunset which caused us both to shiver in dread. 

“And if they did?” she asked.

“Well if they’re guilty or they fail, then whatever punishment you had in mind will work and appease those School Board Cultists. Either way, at least there’s chance as opposed to this farce.”

Is…is this actually happening? Is this real life? I thought as my head span.

“So, you’re asking me to allow two suspects, with a history of delinquency, to have free reign on campus to search for something that may or may not exist?” she asked with extreme skepticism.

“Free reign? Oh, you insult me,” he said dramatically placing the back of his hand against his forehead. “You think I would just let my picks for the derby just wander about without giving them reins, a saddle, sugar cubes and telling them they’re good horsies? I think not.”

“What are you…?” Luna started, but he continued.

“I will personally be in charge of the little twerps the entire time. And should I be busy with my classes, I will pick a trusted student of mine be their liaison.”

Luna just stared in silence at his enthusiasm for a few heartbeats as Sunset and I tried our damndest to grasp the chaotic situation.

“If it helps, they won’t be missing their classes either, but I think Lunch Period and After Hours are more than generous enough for the likes of them,” he added, giving a scholarly flourish to his words.

Again, the Vice Principal didn’t respond, though by the shifting of her eyes, I felt like she was actually considering the pros and cons.

There is no way this is going to work, and even if it did the amount of backlash the school will get from it wou-

"If you’re still not convinced then I'm sure Celly would love to see that picture of you at that Metal Concert when you were supposed to be at last week’s board me-"

"Alright you've convinced me Discord!” she yelped with wide eyes. “I'll give them a week to bring me proof that they are, in fact, not the ones behind this incident!"

-Or that can happen too. Also, she’s a metal head? I would have figured punk rocker, I thought, blinking owlishly by this sudden turn of events.

“Y-You mean it?” Sunset gasped out, still not quite convinced that we were being given a golden opportunity.

“Of course she does Shimmy,” he said in a cooing baby voice. “Lulu has always been a woman of her word…” Luna grit her teeth at that, but instead of retorting, she looked back at the two of us.

"Mr. Bacon and Ms. Shimmer, as Mr. Distorted said you'll have one week to bring me and by extension the school proof that neither of you vandalized the The Wondercolt statue. You'll be given free access to the entire building during your respective lunch periods and after school so long as you have Mr. Distorted or his appointed student with you. If neither of you manage to give any proof before the deadline..." she trailed off as she leaned over the desk and stared into our souls. 

There was no tryhardness this time, she was being legit.

"You will both be tasked with cleaning and removing the damage done to the statue, as well as issued a week of in-school suspension. I will also have to phone both of your parents to inform them of what you've done, and to top it off, both of you will have to write an essay detailing what you did wrong and how you plan to atone for it. The length, level of grammar, and the grading of the essay will be handled by Ms. Harshwhinny."

My eyes definitely widened in fear at that. In-school suspension and manual labor were the least of my concerns, but my mom getting called and having my fate presided over by Ms. Harshwhinny was certain doom.

Harshwhinny, unlike Luna, didn’t even have to try to make me feel like a small insect looking down the barrel of bug spray. Getting on her bad side, even if it was just a minor annoyance, would make English even more of a pain than it already was. And don’t even get me started on my mom.

She was overprotective of me, and had a habit of spoiling me without my consent (I.E. My own house instead of just an apartment.) But the last thing I wanted was to piss her off after only being at this school for not even a full month. Worst case scenario, she would let me have it for doing something so stupid as to graffiti school property again. Even I had to admit, what was done to the statue sounded like something I would do. An even worse scenario would be she took my side, and would try and sue the pants off the school, making even more of a ruckus and causing me even more grief for having that kind of parent.

Suffice to say, as ridiculous and out of nowhere that this opportunity was, I jumped on it immediately.

And so, both Sunset and I nodded in agreement to the terms and conditions.

“Very well then. Return to your classes,” she waved us out.

“Thank you so much Lulupalooza,” Mr. D cheered as he ushered us out the door and I heard the VP groan once more before it closed.

As we entered the hallway, the sudden silence and emptiness was deafening. My bully and I were still more than a little overwhelmed by the whole experience as we looked at each other, both looking like deer in the headlights.

“Did…did that actually just happen?” Sunset asked me.

“I…yeah?” I nodded dumbly.

“Well if it didn’t happen then someone slipped something in my chocolate milk this morning and I’m just tripping hard,” Mr. D said with a chuckle as he smirked at us.

“I…” Sunset started but she stumbled over whatever thought she had.

“Mr. D?” I asked.

“Yes Bacon Boy?” he asked full of pep.

“I just…why did you do that?”

“Do what young man? You have to be more specific, I’ve done lots of things,” he said with a loopy grin.

“That! That in there. Why did you help us out instead of…well, not?” I grunted, a bit annoyed at having to repeat myself. He responded with that slimy smug grin of his which made me uneasy.

"Well I'd be lying if I said I was doing it out of the goodness of my heart, sooo…." He looked back and forth between the hall before leaning in and whispering to us, "To tell you the truth, I just love messing with those douches in the school board, and this is bound to ruffle their jimmies. Besides, who doesn't love a good underdog story?!"

Either oblivious or just plain ignoring our looks of exasperation, Mr. D leaned back and started to stroke his weird beard while looking around the hall.

"Now I have a triple fudge chocolate cake calling me in the teacher’s lounge that I need to get to before Celly finds out it’s there. So I suppose I need to assign your trusted student watchmen...aha!" He exclaimed while snapping his fingers and pointing behind us. I turned around and saw a startled looking Derpy with a bathroom pass in her hand.

“You there, muffin fanatic, congratulations, you’ve been chosen!” he called out to her.

“I have?! Really?!” she said excitedly before confusion washed over her. “Wait, for what?” He didn’t answer her and instead looked to me and Sunset again.

"That's your liaison. Work with her and solve this mystery if you can."

"Why her?!" Sunset exclaimed, echoing my own sentiments.

"Because she's the first one I saw," he said with a shrug as if that was a valid excuse.

You’ve gotta be kidding me! He’s not even taking this seriously! This is just a game to him! I thought in worry as he laid his hands on mine and Sunset’s shoulders.

“Also, you didn’t hear this from me, but Celestia already knows about her dear little sister playing hooky,” he said with a chuckle.

“What?!” Sunset and I said at once.

“Hey, it’s too late for her to do take-backs,” he giggled before patting our shoulders and walking away. “Ta Ta for now, and good luck with the thing.”

We watched as he sauntered and even danced somewhat as he passed Derpy without a care in the world.

“He…” Sunset gaped

“The Fu…?” I stuttered.

The vice principal may be a moron, but this guy is a nutjob!

He then stopped abruptly and turned back to us.

“Oh and by the way, I love the little pet name you have for your darling girlfriend. Condiment Head is sweet and unique, I give four out of five hearts!” he gushed in a cutesy voice.

Our shouts were drowned out as the bell rang, and just before he disappeared into the crowd of students making their way to their next classes, he gave us an exaggerated wave and salute.

And so there I was, standing awkwardly by the Vice Principal’s purple door next to my equally brain fried bully, while the girl I sometimes ate lunch with looked at us in confusion as the herds of sheep flocked through the hallways, giving the two of us burning glares.

I’d been framed, talked down to, and nearly sent to the cleaners, but a troll of epic proportions gave me an extension on life. One week to clear my name, and the only experience I had in investigation were episodes of Case Closed and Scooby Doo.

“Well, Shit…” I summed up nicely.


}SEVEN DAYS REMAIN{

> Episode 15: Investigations Begin! Lunch Time Tension and Strife!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You can say that again,” Shimmer agreed with a sigh as she walked off hurriedly.

Well , guess she’s getting a jump on that then…or trying to avoid being seen with me, I reckoned as I saw the borderline burning glares of the masses.

“So, uh, what did Mr. D choose me for?” Derpy asked as she walked towards me but I just waved her off.

“I’ll tell you at lunch,” I said as I made my way towards my locker.

“Oh…okay,” she said sounding a bit disappointed, but I didn’t turn back to her, I had places to be. And let me tell you, that trip to my locker was arduous as all Hell since the entire student body apparently had bigger sticks up their asses than usual. I was met with shoulder checks, shoves, and ‘accidental’ foot trips that nearly brought my head to the floor.

Oh come on you bastards! I thought heatedly as someone actually stuck gum on my backpack. I’d been through this before after making Pinkie cry, but not to this extent. They were acting as though I insulted their god, pissed on their holy lands, and deleted their save progress on every game they owned. A girl even hissed at me, as in like an actual cat that wants to claw your eyes out.

I’m starting to miss the freaking rumor mill about dating Shimmer at this point! I grit my teeth. Barely an hour ago, the snickers and curious glances had gotten my goat, but this turnaround was so much worse. It’s like everybody in this place is Bipolar or something!

Anyway, I eventually got to my locker and the sight I was rewarded with when I got there was...well it was something I hadn't seen since my last school.

Huh, to be honest I didn't think any of the idiots here had the guts to do this. Props to them I guess.

My normally green locker had been marked up with shades of red and yellow from top to bottom. To add to the décor there were some rather spiteful words etched all around it...I mean, spiteful for a fifth grader anyway.

'You suck,' 'Go back to your old school,' 'You suck eggs,' 'You poopie head?' Really? That’s the best these assholes could come up with?

Sighing at the idiocy before me I just tried my best to match the colored over numbers on my lock to get my history books, and the rest of my morning class books so that I wouldn’t have to come back for them.

The last thing I need is any more of these pricks cornering me here, I grumbled as I saw their baneful looks at the corners of my eyes. I didn’t even touch your stupid statue! Whoever did is just using your gullible sheep nature to their advantage!

I finally got the door open and thankfully, nothing inside had been touched, though there were a few notes that fell out. I just frowned and left them where they lied. I didn’t need to see any more childish insults.

Whoever set up this frame job is gonna pay dearly, I thought as I stuffed my bag. Even if all I’ve got to channel are cartoons, crime dramas, or Phoenix Wright himself, I will not take the fall for this! Not Again! Never Again!

As past memories itched at the surface of my mind I grounded my teeth and pushed them back down, I needed a clearer head, even if it was impossible with all the brainlessness around me.

They all know somehow. Despite only being called to that useless bitch’s office less than an hour ago, they all know. Someone with influence spread the word quickly, and I have a feeling I know who… I concluded as the cattle chatted about me, threw paper at my back and glared into my soul.

*Slam*

I crashed my locker closed, silencing the annoying gossip as I turned and eyed them all down with a less than sane look. It worked on the one’s closest, who scurried away, but the rest just kept their distance and continued to watch me like I was in the zoo.

Cool it Bacon, getting pissed at them won't solve anything. I thought to myself, trying to get my breathing under control. Let them hate because nothing but the truth will change their mind. If they even want to change their mi-

"*Whistle* Dang man, I don't think I've seen you this pissed before."

Any semblance of calm I had managed to gain in that short few seconds was gone at the arrival of one of my frequent home invaders as I turned and scowled at her.

“Look Dash, I am seriously not in the mo-“ I cut myself off as something was off about her. She was somber and subdued, where earlier she had been all pumped and angry about the statue. I didn’t like this new look on her.

"I heard some guys in class were going to mess with your locker, but I didn't think they do it so soon. I was going to try and stop them but..." she said sounding guilty and drained of energy. I just raised a brow before I shook my head.

"Well...okay then. It’s not like they got to my textbooks or anything,” I shrugged. “I’m actually more surprised that you said it was a group of people. Didn’t think anyone else in this school had the guts outside of Shimmer or that Blaze bitch.”

"Uh, speaking about Sunset Shimmer. Are...are the rumors true?" she asked sounding hesitant.

“Oh for-NO! I told you this Saturday! I’m not dating Condiment Head!” I growled in annoyance.

"Not that one you dork!" Rainbow growled back in a surprising amount of anger I was not expecting, causing me to blink in surprise as she continued, "I'm talking about that rumor that you and that Sun-jerk wrecked the Wondercolt Statue!"

I balled my fists at the accusation as I stared her directly in the eye.

Wow. For someone who says they’re my friend, she puts stock into that BS? Typical. Absolutely typical…

“Is…is that a no then?” she asked as I trembled slightly in rage.

“What the hell do you think?” I replied tersely.

“I’m going to guess no then,” she said in relief as her shoulder’s relaxed. “That’s good to hear.”

“Oh that’s nice that I can assuage your dwindling IQ,” I grunted.

“Huh?” she asked caught off guard.

“I mean, there’s no other explanation that’d you’d even consider it if you weren’t getting stupider by the minute!”

“Hey!” she shouted in offense. “There’s no need to be such a-“

“I’m not the one who even considered Dazzling gossip as the truth, so that says more about you than me,” I grunted as I adjusted my bag and walked around her.

“Hey wait Mike! I just wanted to make sure! I mean sure Rarity and others heard through the grapevine from those jerks, but it sounded like something you might-“

I tuned her out as I hurried down the hall through the sea of bumping and prodding morons, feeling more anger than I thought I could at confirming my theory.

So Adagio was the source huh? The ketchup and mustard were dead giveaways, but spreading the info while I was still in the office is just plain obvious. I don’t know how I’m going to prove that, but those jackasses are at the top of the suspect list! Seriously, how stupid do you have to be Rainbow?!

I don’t know why Rainbow considering the possibility that I was guilty set me off so much. I guess I just expected too much out of some people.








LATER


The rest of the day up to lunch was...tiring to say the least.

It felt like my first day all over again, but times a billion. I ignored all my new brainless enemies in and out of the classroom as best I could, but it was pretty overwhelming. Especially since their threats and insults had less merit than a hamster squeak. Sunset was right, the student body’s collective ‘creativity’ left much to be desired. Still, uncreative or not, they served to bother and annoy me far past any level I’d reached in my old schools.

Speaking of Sunset though, she looked absolutely defeated. The entirety of History class, she didn’t even try to defend herself from the other student’s scorn. She didn’t snap back at their insults, she didn’t try to deflect the paper airplanes or spit balls flung at her, and she didn’t even look at me. All she did was stare a thousand yards into the distance as if her entire world had been destroyed and she was left to float in the remnants. It was like a train wreck, and I couldn’t stop gawking at her state.

Also, Twilight kept trying to speak with me as well, but I took a cue from my bully, and acted as thought I couldn’t hear her. The last thing I wanted was to hear her ask if the rumors were true or not, and I didn’t want to get riled up again. When the bell rang, Sunset stomped out of the door as if on a mission, but she never looked at anyone as she did so.

After a few more classes of rinsing and repeating the same process came lunch time, which had it’s own problems. The old lunch lady looked as if she didn’t want to serve me, and when she did, I got a cold burger, room temp milk, and soggy, squished tater tots, and an orange for some reason while everyone else got an apple.

Man, screw this extreme school spirit! I grumbled as I threw away all but the fruit from that meal and headed out to meet Derpy. Okay, just gotta eat this measly ‘lunch’ as fast as possible, explain things to Derpy, and look for any clues from that damn statue.

Aside from investigating the scene of the crime, I had no other leads, aside from tying up the Dazzlings and going Jack Bauer on them, but I didn’t want to go to jail thank you very much.

But of course, that all hinges on whether or not Derpy is as brainwashed as the rest of these morons…

Thankfully, our eating spot under the tree was vacant of any lynch mobs like it was on any given day, and the only one waiting for me was the cross eyed blond girl who, to my surprise, didn't immediately glare at the mere sight of me.

"Hi Michael! Are you on some sort of...orange only diet?"

"Uh...no not exactly,” I answered as I began peeling the pitiful meal. “Apparently even the lunch lady is a part of the Wondecolt Cult."

She giggled at that, and like all the other times I’d eaten with her, I marveled about how someone like her thrived in High School. She didn’t really have a sense of sarcasm, or any kind of negativity for that manner, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around how she could always be so optimistic and carefree. Especially since she claimed she had no real friends, was bullied constantly about her eyes, and was on the verge of crying when we first met.

She truly is a mystery, I pondered as she looked at me with a bright smile.

"So Michael, what was with that whole liaison thing Mr. D was talking about this morning? Is that some sort of fancy word for helper or something?"

I then gave Derpy a quick rundown on just what Mr. D had dragged her into, and why Sunset and I needed a liaison in the first place. I’d eaten the last of my orange by the time I concluded "...And that's why I need you to come with me to that stupid statue. Now I don't particularly care if you believe that I did it or not, just know I am willing to pay you if yo-"

"Oh sure, no problem, I didn't think you did it in the first place, so of course I'll help you out!" she interrupted with excitement.

"…Wait, for real?" I asked taken aback by her sincerity, which caused her to giggle.

"Yeah for real, I don't think you did it. It wouldn't make any sense for you to do it. And even if you did, you’re smart enough to not get caught anyway. So yeah, I'll be glad to help you in any way I can."

I could only blink owlishly at the bubbly answer after only receiving skepticism and scorn the last few hours.

"So you’re just going to believe me like that?”

“Yup!”

“Even though the rest of the school is acting like I just assassinated the Pope or something?" I said with my tone dripping in disbelief, which went over Derpy's head as usual.

"Of course, I trust you after all. Besides, this is the perfect situation to level up my 'Know How' stat to level five!"

I couldn't help but flinch slightly at my poorly thought out 'Levels of Knowing Someone' idea that she had somehow progressed in. Those other levels had come about due to me caving in to avoid making her cry for those days I avoided eating with her after The Party. But for her belief and optimism, I felt like she would deserve reaching the next level on my fake scale.

"There you are!” a familiar ticked off voice called out. Turning around I saw Shimmer looking like her old pissed off self, the defeated look on her face seemingly forgotten. “What are you and Lazy Eyes doing wasting time?!”

At her insult, Derpy hid behind me as if I was some sort of shield and I glared our bully down.

"Well? Are you two just going to stand there all day, or am I going to have to drag your sorry asses to the Wondercolt Statue myself?" she demanded impatiently with her hands on her hips.

"First off Condiment Head, nice to see you too, and second off, why do you need us? I figured you’d just say ‘Screw The Rules’ and go off on your own.”

"For your information Chicken Sauce, I’m not about to just throw away this golden opportunity breaking the rules that didn’t have to be given in the first place!” she shot back huffily. “And you and I both know we didn't do this, so quit being a pain and let’s get this over with!”

“You’re right, I know I didn’t do this, but the same can’t be said for you,” I said with eyes narrowed.

“Oh please! You were in the same room when Luna was throwing that crap around,” she argued.

“Yeah, and I wasn’t the one driving past the school at 1 in the morning,” I shot back and she balled her hands into fists and sneered.

“That has nothing to do with what happened!” she denied. “It was just a coincidence.”

“Oh yeah? Then why were you out there that late? Because I don’t buy the whole ‘driving around to cool my head’ bit.”

“But it’s true!” she shouted.

“Really? What were you cooling your head from then?” I asked as her face grew red, though not from anger, but embarrassment.

“I-I was…” she stuttered before shaking her head, “Look, it’s none of your business alright?! I didn’t deface the Wondercolt!”

“Riiiggghhhttt…” I drawled out causing her teeth to clench even harder, but before she could go on a tirade, I held my hand up. “Look Shimmer, I’ll be straight with you, I believe you.”

"You...you do?"

Ah crap, there's that damned tone again.

It was the same desperate, depressing tone that Sunset had back in the VP's office before Mr. D showed up to kinda save our hides, the tone I should have taken immense delight in hearing coming from one of my bullies, but instead made me feel conflicted, the same tone that made me certain that Sunset wasn't the culprit.

"Yes, I don't trust you as far as I could throw ya, but I know you didn't do it,” I admitted.

“Th-Then what was all that about just now?!” she asked upset.

“Just confirmation on my end,” I admitted. “I know you’ve worked with the Dazzlings before, but I just wanted to see your reaction to make sure you just weren’t a burned accomplice.”

“I don’t work for them!” she snarled before she closed her eyes and continued in a more even tone, “But I understand. Good to hear that you think it’s them too.”

“Well of course it’s them, it’s painfully obvious!” I said with a roll of my eyes. “And since I know you want to catch these jackasses as much as I do, I'm willing to put aside our differences and not full on hate you till we find out who framed us. In return you do the same for me, got it?”

She just stared at me, with Derpy trying and failing to hide behind my back, for a few seconds of contemplation before she looked down and nodded her head. To this I stretched my hand out towards her.

"Then we got a deal?"

Sunset looked at my outstretched hand before she took it in her own and shook it. After a few seconds we let go and stared each other down in mutual unease until I clapped my hands together and broke the silence.

"Good! Now first order of business, if we’re going to work together you can't go calling Derpy here anymore names. I'm sure that will be hard for you, but sacrifices and all that," I demanded and I felt Derpy perk up behind me.

“Really?” Shimmer said with indignation. “You’re going to lecture me about name calling?”

“Hey, what you and I call each other is fair game Condi, but she’s our only lifeline to Mr. D’s mercy, so let’s not piss her off alright?”

"Fine, I won't pick on your little wimpy friend,” she said with an eye roll. “I don't do repeat victims anyway."

Seriously, you actually refer to them as your victims? Why is your tough girl persona so clichéd?

"U-um I'm not his friend yet either,” said as she stuck her head over my shoulder. “I'm still six levels away from that, s-so…yeah.”

"'Six levels?'” Sunset asked with a quirked brow. “What the hell is she going on ab-"

"Okay great! Now that we're all set let’s go!” I interrupted to avoid that being used against me. And with that said I started walking off, with a dumbfounded Sunset and strangely cheery Derpy in tow.








A FEW MOMENTS LATER


Despite the majority of the students eating in lunchroom, we still had the displeasure of walking past those that ate elsewhere or just didn’t eat lunch. Sunset and I had received our fare share of death glares that day and were at least getting used to it, but poor Derpy shrunk and wilted at every look.

“Just ignore them,” I told her. “Remember, they’re looking at me and She-Devil, not you.”

She nodded at this, but still kept her head down as some jerk threw a sandwich bag at us.

"Ugh, I feel like its junior high all over again," Sunset complained as she hugged her shoulders in discomfort.

Hello interesting future blackmail material, a pleasure to see you again. Any chance you'd like to go on?

Sadly those hopes were dashed as she just kept her eyes forward in determination.

"I don't think I've seen this many people mad since that happened last year," Derpy shivered as she mention the mysterious event that seemed to plague the entire school body.

Okay, seriously what the hell happened?! Did someone die or something!?

"Well well well, if it isn't the newest odd couple of the school,” a smug bitchy voice said as we rounded the corner to the main entrance. Sunset and I groaned as we came face to face with Adagio and her posse, posing in front of the doors as if they’d been waiting comfortably for us.

Oh My God You Stalkerish Bitch! How do you act on info so fast?! I thought in frustration as Derpy once more hid behind me and Sunset bared her teeth.

Adagio's eyes seemed to brighten almost sadistically at the sight of Sunset's anger, while Sonata and Aria flanked her, frowning in our direction. Though only Aria’s seemed malicious.

Well obviously Sonata is the weak chain in their link. She just looks pathetically sad instead of intimidating, I observed and filed away for future plans.

“I see the vice principal decided to let you both out of the dog house for some 'quality time' together," she insinuated with her slasher smile.

"First off, I would be better off dead then dating this loser! And secondly, what do you whores want?"

"Now now Sunset dear, I wouldn't get too upset, after all, you’re already in enough hot water as it is. It would be a shame if you made things worse by causing another...incident with your fellow student now wouldn't it?" Adagio responded with her trademarked condescending tone and smug grin.

Sunset looked like she was going to say something else, but I quickly interrupted her in order to avoid causing a scene. As much as I wanted to chew the Rejects out and make them confess to their crimes, I also knew better then to do it while on the school’s bad side.

"Look Almond Drizzle, just go ahead and hurl whatever petty insults you have and get out of our way. We already know you’re the ones who did this, so there’s no need for a monologue. I can only take so much of your voice before it kills me.”

Her sight immediately landed on me, and I took great pride in the spark of barely hidden rage behind her false calm demeanor.

“Hmmph, aren’t you saucy today,” she insulted as her eyes narrowed. “But you’re sadly mistaken Bacon. Not even we would stoop so low as to deface the Wondercolt.”

“Uh Huh, sure, and the gossip just got spread quickly because you didn’t know it,” I rolled my eyes to which she smirked.

“For your information, Sonata just so happened to overhear your little shouting match with Ms. Luna before Mr. Distorted sent her away and…well, you can’t blame a gossip for spreading the truth…” she said with a chuckle.

"You lying bitch! I can't believe you would do this, after all I-"

"After all you what Shimmer?" Adagio interrupted with a heated glare of her own, "After you failedto get one measly student to follow the hierarchy of this school? Or was it after you ditched out on your role last week? Frankly, I don't see why you’re so surprised this happened."

Wait, she was supposed to be a part of The Party sabotage? I thought in intrigue at Dazzle’s poor attempt at subtlety. I looked at the about to explode Mt. Sunset and her dark red rage filled face and quirked a brow. Why did you ditch?

Shaking my head from that inquiry, I decided to deescalate everything before Sunset started clawing their eyes out.

"Yeah yeah whatever, I don’t care about your little turf war bullshit. So are you done with your moustache twirling or can we go?” I asked impatiently and her false calm broke as she got uncomfortably close to my face.

"Listen here Bacon, I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear to you. I rule this school, every student, every teacher, even the janitors and food staff are under my influence. So enjoy acting all high and mighty for now, because come next week when you fail to find some make believe scapegoat I'll be in the front row watching you fall," she threatened in a low tone. I responded by looking her dead in the eye and moving my face closer till our noses were practically touching.

“And this time next week, when I find whatever crony of yours did this and prove my innocence, I will be laughing my ass off at your failure and rubbing your defeat in your ugly, psychopathic face…More so than usual that is.”

She just sneered at my ultimatum as she leaned back and snapped her fingers, instantly drawing her two lackeys’ attentions.

Aw look at that, she's even got them house trained. How thorough of you.

"Come on, we’re done here."

With that said the queen bitch and her pawns shoved past us, not even trying to make it look accidental. Sunset started to turn around but I gripped her shoulder hard.

“Not yet stupid. You give in now and we lose,” I scolded her under my breath. She hyperventilated in anger for a few seconds before she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and brushed my hand off of her.

“Don’t call me stupid you prick,” she said as she started walking to the main doors without us.

"Yikes! Tha-that was pretty tense," Derpy stammered, still shaking like a leaf.

“In the grand scheme of things, not really,” I told her as I looked back at the retreating rejects. “It’ll get much worse before this whole thing’s through.”

“Oh…” she muttered, sounding like she was starting to regret being our chosen liaison.

As the Dazzlings got further and further down the hallway, I noticed that Sonata was looking back at us over her shoulder with that same weak look on her face. When she noticed, she quickly turned to face forward and started speaking to the others.

"So, uh, like what happened to the Wondercolt statue was like totes bad right Dagi?!” she asked in a voice much louder than necessary. Adagio turned back to her lackey and raised a brow. “But like, it seems like super expensive to do something like that. Like really expensive for just graffiti! I mean, like-“

“Yeah, yeah, we get it idiot!” Aria scolded as she shoulder checked Sonata, cutting her off.

“Yes, but don’t worry. Chicken Sauce will fry for his crimes,” Adagio said sounding miffed. And as Sonata recoiled from the other two, they rounded the corner and out of sight.

That was...interesting. I wonder why she said that in such a weird way? I thought as I looked to an equally confused Derpy.

“Quit gawking! We don’t have all day!” Sunset called from the doors impatiently.

“Yeah yeah,” I rolled my eyes as we made our way towards her.

She is kind of an airhead…but why would she say that loud enough for everyone to hear it? I pondered, but decided to file that info away for later, lunch period didn’t last forever.







Arriving at the statue, it was exactly as it looked in the morning, though yellow police tape now surrounded it, and the ketchup and mustard had been cleaned up to avoid ants.

“And here it is, the latest source of my ever increasing sorrow and madness, Emperor Glue Factory the second,” I quipped as I looked the prancing pony up and down.

This actually earned a slight bop on the back from Derpy who frowned at me.

“Show a little respect Michael,” she scolded which took me off guard.

“Yeah, we may not have done this, but it’s still despicable,” Sunset chided.

“Oh come on, you two as well?” I asked in disbelief.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand, but this horse means a lot to us,” Sunset huffed in annoyance. “Seeing someone vandalizing it like this is just as much a blow to some of us as if it were actually destroyed.”

“Yeah,” Derpy nodded in agreement. “The Wondercolt is an inspiration to always do your best and to never give up.”

“Okay for real, is this thing based a real horse or something? What did it do that was so great?” I asked holding my hands up defensively.

“Wait, you don’t know the story behind it?” Derpy asked in shock.

“No,” I admitted.

“Oh, well you see-“ she started but I cut her off.

“Alright alright, the horse is great and stuff, I’ll look it up later.”

"...Okay then," Sunset said in an eerily soft tone as she turned back to the hunk of rock.

For crying out loud, you'd think they’d have some armed security guards if this stupid thing is so precious! I mentally grumbled.

“Whelp,” I said clapping my hands together, “Let’s get this thing started before we waste any more time.”

“Agreed,” Sunset nodded.

“Okay, you and I will comb the statue. Derpy, since no one really wants to talk to me and her, why don’t you go ask some students if they know anyone?” I suggested pointing towards a group eating lunch on the steps.

“Gotcha!” she said giving a salute as she wandered towards them. When she was out of ear shot Sunset looked back at me.

“So, do you have any idea of what to look for?”

“Not really,” I admitted. “But there’s got to be something that points us to which of Adagio’s cronies did this since Ms. Bitch in the High Castle would never get her own hands dirty.”

“She has more than you think,” Sunset warned as we got to work.

We then started to intently look over the statue for any kind of clues and started taking pictures. While I doubted that the jerks behind this left anything obvious behind like a signature, I was looking for anything that stood out among the lewd pictures and insults. And thankfully, there was.

"Whoever does this sure isn't one for profanity, that's for sure."

My comment caught Sunset's attention as she stepped around from her side of the statue and asked,

"What do you mean?"

"Just check it out,” I replied, pointing to the scrawled words. “All these insults and nothing above what you’d find in a PG movie. No bitches, shits, and not a single f-bomb. I mean, they went through the trouble of drawing dicks and asses on the thing, but they don’t curse?”

“Hmmm, that is pretty odd,” she nodded in agreement before gesturing towards her side of the statue. “But also, check this out.”

Following Sunset around she pointed out one of the numerous lewd drawings and didn’t say anything else which caused her to look at me funnily.

“Don’t you see it?”

"Uh, yeah. It’s a poorly drawn dick," I said plainly and she sighed.

"Yes I know that, but look carefully at the lining of it. See how there’s no scuff marks or drips of paint? Whoever did this knew what they were doing and wasn't hesitant at all when drawing this, which means they are skilled with a spray can.” 

"So that means whoever did this isn't just some amateur doing some quick prank,” I nodded as a lightbulb went off in my head. “The people who did this must at least practice regularly or something, so that means-"

"-We're dealing with a professional tagger." she finished my thought. 

“Well, maybe not professional, since none of this is art worthy,” I pointed out and she shook her head.

“No, it’s professional because of how crappy it looks,” she argued and at my confused face, she continued. “Trust me, it takes real effort to make something look as though it took no effort. But the skill utilized betrays that illusion for those in the know how.”

“Okay, I think I see what you mean,” I relented as I looked over at the different drawings and sure enough, they all were without mess. “So a pair of professional taggers are our targets.”

“No, not a pair, just one,” she corrected.

“What? But Luna said there were at last two people out here? A guy and a girl,” I pointed out, but she shook her head.

“All of this is done by one person because no two artists share the same style,” she said pointing to the similarities of the words and the pictures. “Even if the other person copied them, it’d be obvious.”

"Huh...you’re pretty knowledgeable about all this art stuff for a petty bully," I commented as I stared at her in surprise.

"Hey! Just because I'm a bully doesn't mean I don't have hobbies of my own!" she said defensively.

"And yours just so happens to be being all artsy?" was my deadpanned response

"Wha-no I mean well...kinda?"

I shook my head slightly at Sunset's lame denial before looking back at the statue from top to bottom once more. The idea of one person doing the entire statue from top to bottom by themselves seemed pretty ridiculous, but since I didn't know as much about art as apparently Sunset did I just took her word for it.

“So if you’re right, then the other person was probably the lookout,” I theorized.

“Yeah, they’re more than likely the ones who spread the ketchup and mustard everywhere and wrapped the colt in toilet paper,” she nodded, taking the opportunity to not talk about her artistic side with me.

“Alright, but then which one of them put the underwear on the horse’s flank?” I asked pointing to the briefs which still adorned the statue.

“…You’ve got me,” she shrugged. “I mean, they were obviously stitched over it, so whichever one it was, they got sewing skills.”

“Sewing skills huh?” I asked as I peered at the boxers. “Hmmm. I’m no expert, but I do know some annoyances that are…” I then took a picture of the stitching, which was a pain with how high up it was.

“And the painter and knitter obviously had a ladder to reach the top, so one person was holding it steady while the other worked.”

“Not necessarily. They could have been using a step ladder so that the other person wasn’t preoccupied.”

I just gave her a questioning look at that.

“What?” she inquired.

"Uh, I don't know what kind of freaky step ladders you’re thinking of, but this statue is much too high for something that small."

“Much too small?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, they couldn’t have reached the top without a painter’s ladder.”

“Sure they could,” she argued. “Plus, I don’t see any deep scuffs or scrapings from something that heavy, so they probably used a much lighter and easier to carry ladder, ergo, a step ladder.”

“Those things are for changing light bulbs in the kitchen, there’s no way!” I argued and she frowned at me.

“Maybe if that’s all you’ve been using them for!” she grunted back.

“That’s all you use them for because they’re too short Condiment Head!”

“Well maybe other people don’t have your stubby arms Chicken Sauce!” she shouted back.

“Oh yeah! Well tell me how they-“

“Uh, guys?” Derpy interrupted us and we both turned to her at once.

“WHAT?!”

“Eep,” she shrank from us, making me feel a bit guilty.

“I mean, what is it Derpy?” I asked a little more calmly. She relaxed her shoulders at my tone and said,

“I just got done asking everyone around here for anything new.”

“And?” Sunset demanded.

“Uh, they all still think it was you two that did it,” she admitted sheepishly and Sunset groaned and pulled her hair.

“Well, that’s not surprising. Stupid sheep,” I grumbled looking to the group in the distance.

“Yeah,” Derpy nodded. “They also said that what you did was an insult to artist’s everywhere.”

“Really? They think they’re all high and mighty on art? Because quite frankly, those doodles are better than those stupid ass $9,000 paintings that are nothing but dots on white paper,” I rolled my eyes.

“Wait a minute, that’s it!” Sunset said excitedly, jolting me and Derpy.

“What’s it?” Derpy asked.

“The Art Club!” she answered with pep. “The jerks that did this were obviously talented, and the club is full of all kinds of paints and supplies!”

“Hmmm,” I put my hand to my chin. “Does Adagio have cronies in these clubs?”

“I told you, she’s got fingers everywhere,” Sunset said in annoyance. “But if we can get inside their club room, we might be able to narrow down our suspect list.”

“Yeah, but getting in there might be a problem,” I told her.

“Why? You heard Mr. D, we have free reign of the school,” she asked in irritation.

“Because clubs are run by students, and if you hadn’t noticed, they hate our guts,” I pointed out and her eyes widened. “Even if the faculty cooperate, club members won’t, especially if Adagio’s got her claws in them. Not to mention they keep their doors locked when they’re not in there to avoid theft.”

“…Damn It!” Sunset spat and kicked the grass as she realized the truth of my words.

“So yeah, unless Mr. D can get us in when these artists aren’t around, that’s more than likely a dead end,” I sighed in defeat.

And while Sunset and I wallowed in one of our only leads seemingly drying up, Derpy piped up.

“Don’t worry guys, I have a great idea!” she said in her bubbly manner.

“Oh joy,” Sunset said sarcastically, but I ignored her.

“What you got Derpy?”

“Why don’t I just ask one of the janitors nicely for one of their master keys?” she said confidently.

We just stared at her in silent disbelief for a few seconds.

“Are you for real?” she said in disgust.

“What? It could work. Nobody just asks nicely anymore,” she stood her ground impressively, but I sighed at her optimism.

“Derpy,” I told her in all sincerity. “There is absolutely no way that will work.”


Later


"I can't believe that actually worked!” I cried out, dumbfounded at the smiling Derpy jingling a key around her finger.

“I told you, all you have to do is ask nicely,” she said, actually sounding a bit smug.

“I…I can’t…” Sunset stammered as her brain rebooted. I wasn’t faring much better. Derpy had literally only talked to the janitor for all of 30 seconds before he’d handed the key over to her.

“What…what did you tell them?” I asked, still in shock.

“That I really needed to get my art supplies and that I would bring it back quickly,” she said with a sweet smile.

“…Huh,” I concluded because I had been proven wrong.

I guess it helps that nobody is hating her right now. If Sunset or I had asked, he would have probably poured his mop water on our heads.

"Aw cheer up guys! Once we prove your both innocent, I'm sure everyone will stop glaring at you both in no time! Well...at least stop glaring at Michael, sorry Sunset,” she said chuckling nervously. And while Sunset gave her an annoyed look, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by her optimism.

I doubt they’d stop, even if I prove my innocence. But seriously are you just faking all this joy in the face of adversity to avoid falling into depression and hopelessness? I glanced over to Derpy's beaming face as she was seemingly ignorant to Sunset's glare, ...Nah, no one that perky can be faking it...besides maybe Pinkie but that's a whole new can of worms I'd rather never open.

And with our willing given goods, we followed Sunset to the Art Club Room. We entered the room no problem thanks to everyone associated being at lunch and well…it sure was an artroom alright.

Canvasses were everywhere, there were sketched drawings, ceramics, and the heavy scent of paint and clay was ever present.

“Huh, looks like they do all forms of fancy shcmancy art here,” I observed while looking over some sort of glass work.

“This is just the storage and supply room,” Sunset said. “There’s many different art clubs, like painting, sculpting or whatever, but they all share the same room.”

“Seems like it’d get crowded,” Derpy added.

“They all don’t work in just this room, they just keep their stuff here,” Sunset said with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh,” Derpy nodded in understanding.

“So you think there’s spray paint here?” I asked as I opened a cabinet full of paint brushes.

“Only one way to find out,” Sunset answered as she opened a drawer full of sketch paper.

“Oh, OH! I think I found a clue!” Derpy spouted excitedly jumping up and down, catching our attention.

“What? What is it?” I asked as I walked over to her.

“This poster is talking about that Tagging stuff Sunset was talking about,” she said cheerfully.

“What?!” she said as her head whipped around and she came closer.

The poster itself had graphic design made to look like graffiti and was announcing signups for the newest school district ‘Tagging Club’ to express the artistic beauty of only using spray paint.

“…That is just asking for trouble,” I shook my head. “You’ll get a bunch of yahoos who will start painting people’s houses and claiming it’s ‘for the art.’”

“They…they took my idea…” Sunset said breathlessly.

“Huh?” I turned to her and saw her looking hurt and upset.

“I suggested making this a club back in Freshman year, but everyone shot it down…”

I shared a look with Derpy over the betrayed looking bully before she snapped out of her funk and ripped the poster off of the wall and stuck it in her pocket.

“Uh…” I started but she scowled at me.

“It’s just another clue that will have a list of suspects,” she huffed.

“Y-Yeah, exactly,” I nodded dumbly before turning back to my liaison. “Good job Derpy.”

“Thank you!” she beamed. Nodding my head, the three of us got back to snooping, before Sunset finally found the motherlode.

“AHA! There you are!” she cried out in triumph as she opened a cabinet, which has two shelves devoted to spray paint.

We all gathered around the payload as she smirked.

“Okay, but how do we figure out which ones were used?” I asked.

“We match up the paint from outside and compare it to samples from cans with the same color of course,” she said like it was obvious.

“Wait, you can figure that out?” I asked in skepticism.

“If they’re the same brand, then yes,” she nodded. “I just need access to the chemistry lab and I can compare and contrast the chemical makeup compared to the base sample and-“

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” I interrupted her.

Honestly, I didn’t figure you for the sciencey type.

“It could take a few days though,” she said as she started spraying samples onto different pieces of paper. “There were many colors used, so I’ll scrape some samples after school.” She then looked at Derpy forcefully. “You! Meet me by The Wondercolt about 20 minutes after school lets out so I can scrape in peace.”

“Oh…Okay then,” she nodded meekly.

“And what do I do?” I asked.

“I don’t need your help for this,” she answered snootily. “You clearly wouldn’t understand the science behind what I’m attempting so you can go do whatever.”

“Really?” I deadpanned.

“Yes, you’d only be in the way at that point,” she told me plainly, just as the bell rang.

“Uh Oh, lunch is over,” Derpy stated the obvious.

“No duh,” Sunset rolled her eyes as she shut the cabinet door. “Now before we split, give me your phones.”

“What? Why?” I asked taken aback.

“So I can find you two without wasting time searching up and down the school, now give!” she demanded.

Derpy didn’t even hesitate in handing hers over, but I decided to be difficult, as was my passion.

“Yeah, I don’t think you need mine. I mean, obviously I’m too stupid for science so you’ve got this handled,” I snarked and her eye twitched.

“Just give me the damn phone before we’re all late!” she growled as I dangled it above her head trollingly.

“Ah, but you didn’t say the magic wo-“ Before I could even finish that sentence though, she’d jumped up, snatched the phone and started walking towards the door.

“Hey!” I yelled my objection and chased after her.

By the time we’d gotten out of the room, and Derpy had locked it behind us, she turned around and held our phones back towards us.

“Alright, I’ve got your contact info now, and you’ve got mine. Don’t call me unless you’ve got something or I’ll make you both regret it!”

“Yes ma’am,” Derpy saluted while I just sighed in defeat and took my phone back.

“Good, now don’t forget, 20 minutes after school!” she told Derpy authoritatively before turning around and marching off to class.

Derpy looked at me a bit nervously before she patted my shoulder.

“Don’t worry, it’ll all be fine,” she encouraged. “I’ll see you tomorrow Michael, I’ve really got to get this key back to the janitor!”

And with that, she rushed off leaving me all alone with my phone and the ever increasing student traffic.

I looked through my contacts and sure enough, S.S. was entered into my contact list, just above my cousin, and below Pinkie. Since I hadn’t saved any of Pinkie’s friends as contacts those two and my mom were really the only ones on the list.

My family, Pinkie, and one of my bullies, I sure am popular aren’t I? I snarked. I thought about changing Sunset’s contact name to something funnier, but then I realized, S.S. was good enough. She was either a boat, a nazi, or a Nazi boat with those initials, and I thought that would fit her fine. Let her bust her butt doing science stuff, there’s not much I can look into today anyway.

Still ignoring the countless unread messages from Twilight, Rainbow and any of the other unlisted numbers, I made my way towards my next class to finish out that terrible day.








THREE DAYS LATER, AFTER SCHOOL


Aside from the usual death glares, taunts, and having to suffer even more under the evil incarnate Coach Spitfire, nothing new occurred for the next three days. Sunset never contacted me, and Derpy was absent from our eating place as she was accompanying said bully. What was even stranger was that Pinkie and the others did not hound me as much as usual. Aside from their weak attempts to communicate with me, no one broke into my house, and if they saw me ignoring them, they didn’t push it.

I figured that it must have just been the miasma of hatred that surrounded me from the other students, and that they were smart enough to not get caught in the crossfire.

Just like The Party, these so called wannabe friends don’t take action when their own ass is on the line, I thought with disgust.

For my part though, I did come up with one bit of information when I reluctantly reached out to Rarity.

Not wanting to see her in person, I sent her the picture of the boxer stitching, and thankfully she didn’t misread the context and think I was sending her dirty pics. When I asked whether it was professionally done, she claimed that it wasn’t an average pattern, with far more decorative flourish than was necessary for underwear on a stone horse, so I took that to mean yes. When she inquired on more personal subjects surrounding the horse though, I ended the conversation.

It wasn’t until it was early evening on the third day that something changed. I was in my kitchen, prepping dinner and talking with my cousin on the phone. She only usually called me to complain about her own life since she hated her new school about as much as I hated mine. Though from the sound of things, all she had to deal with were overly optimistic and happy people, while I dealt with the exact opposite.

“You know, if all you have to deal with is people constantly smiling and being friendly, then I don’t think you have the right to complain,” I told her plainly.

“But they’re so creepy about it, no one is ever that cheerful,” she complained.

“I’d take your situation over Canterlot or Pinkie any day,” I told her truthfully.

“Ah, your happy little stalker you talk so much about? You should just ask her out already dude,” she teased and I scoffed.

“It ain’t like that, ugh! She’s a complete psychopath!”

“Heh heh, yeah whatever you say,” she chuckled at my misery. “But if not her, I’d say go for that chick you were with at the movies in that video I saw, the strawberry blonde.”

“That one is one of my bullies! I told you this!” I groaned.

“Yeah, but who knows, maybe this little investigation will mellow her out and make the two of you closer than before. You both do look cute together,” she trolled.

“Stop watching the Hallmark Channel! It’s not good for your health!” I chided her and she chuckled.

“Whatever you say Mike.”

“Ugh, is there anything else you needed? I was trying to make spaghetti,” I whined.

“Well actually…” she started but then my phone started beeping.

“What the-“ I pulled it away from my ear and saw that I had an incoming call from S.S. “Oh for-Now? Really?!”

“What is it?” my cousin asked.

“Condiment Head is calling. She’s probably got something, so I gotta take this,” I apologized.

“Okay then, no worries. I’ll chat with you later, you go and talk to your little girlfriend,” she giggled.

“Oh shut up you-“ I started but she hung up and I rolled my eyes.

You are so getting peanut butter in your hair for Christmas, I thought maliciously as I answered Sunset.

“What do you want?” I answered tersely.

“Bacon! I’ve made some headway, and I need your input,” she said without a hello.

“Oh now you need my help?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yes! I’ve gathered all the data I could, and now I need whatever you found to add to my board.”

“Your board?” I asked. “Like a detective suspect board?”

“Exactly! I need you to come over and help me set it up so that we can observe it better.”

“Come over? Like to your house?” I asked flabbergasted.

“Well duh,” she insulted. “Can’t exactly set this up at school.”

“But I don’t know where you live, and I was just about to make dinner,” I complained.

“I’ll text you my address, just stop complaining and get an Uber and get your ass over here!” she growled.

“But why do I have to come over? Can’t you just tell me what you found?”

“Listen, I am not going to relay this over the phone where you can’t see the connecting dots, it’s a waste of time and energy,” she said impatiently.

“Well I don’t want to pay a damn Uber to go to your house! Don’t you have a car?” I asked in annoyance.

“Oh yeah, what a great idea, risk having someone see you in my car after all the stupid rumors going around about us,” she spat in sarcasm.

“…And yet going to your house is perfectly fine?” I deadpanned. “Do you ever think before you talk Condiment Head?”

“It’ll be fine Chicken Sauce!” she grunted. “Just get over here so that we’re all up to speed.”

“Ugh, Fine!” I relented reluctantly. “What about Derpy?”

“Lazy-I mean, she isn’t needed, we’re not on school property. Now enough chit chat!”

And with that she hung up and a few seconds later, I received a text from her.

“Demanding prissy bitch,” I muttered to myself as I looked out all of my spaghetti ingredients forlornly. With a sigh, I took the water off of boil. “I am definitely raiding her fridge in retaliation.”

It was a unique scenario for me, being invited into the lion’s den of a bully, but I had no choice. Whatever weird investigative method she used, she had all the info, and we were both in the same boat. So reluctantly, I opened her address up to see how much it would cost me and…

“No way…” I gasped in shock as I saw the gps map for her house. Still in disbelief, I walked into my backyard, towards the back wall and took a peak over and my jaw dropped. There she stood in her kitchen, wearing shorts and a green shirt and drinking milk from a carton.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled as I hit redial on Sunset and put the phone to my ear. Sure enough, the girl next door picked her phone up, looked at it and scowled before answering it.

“What is it now Bacon? Can’t figure out how to use modern technology?” she insulted.

“Nope, I was just calling to let you know I don’t need a ride to your house,” I told her plainly and she stiffened.

“You better not be having Dash or any of her friends dropping you off! My address is confidential!” she threatened.

“Nope, in fact I could be over there in a minute if you’ve got a ladder,” I monotoned and saw her face scrunch up in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Also, you should really use a cup. Drinking from the carton is unsanitary,” I trolled. Apprehensively she looked through her backyard door, her eyes searching around until she saw my head peaking over and she stiffened. I just waved mockingly at her surprised face.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” she drawled.

“That’s what I said,” I nodded. “So about that ladder? Or since it’s you, I guess a step-ladder would do right?”


}FOUR DAYS REMAIN{

> Episode 16: Hindsight Is 20/20
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I refuse to believe that that was a step ladder. It was way too tall to be one!" I pouted which only caused Sunset to smirk more at my indignation.

“And for the fifth time, crying about it won’t make you any less wrong,” she said haughtily before chuckling.

I glared out of her kitchen window at the offending piece of hardware that she’d used to get me over the fence. It was over eight feet tall, and straddled our backyard fences and had steps on both sides. Apparently in my hastiness to try to make her feel stupid, I had confused a step ladder with my mental image of a step stool. They both had step in the name so it’s somewhat understandable, but when compared side by side it’s laughable how wrong I was.

And that was the worst part, being proven wrong, with facts and evidence and everything. She earned her smugness at my expense, I had to admit, but there was nothing in the rules that said I had to be a graceful loser.

“Sure fine, whatever! A ladder should just be called a ladder, it doesn’t need 'step' added to it,” I grumbled trying not to look at her directly.

My reluctant partner in crime just rolled her eyes as she dug through her fridge.

"Has anyone ever told you just how stubborn you can be Bacon? Because you are so, so, so very stubborn. And annoying, can’t forget annoying."

"What can I say, it’s a gift,” I said with a shrug and a satisfied smirk. “Just like your ability to waste time.”

“Hey, you were the one complaining that you were hungry, and that’s whining I don’t care to hear right now,” she grunted as she pulled out some grapes, two cans of soda and a half finished cheese platter.

“I was talking about how long it took you to grab that…thing which I climbed the fence with,” I complained for the sake of complaining as she opened up a pantry.

“I had to change!” she argued. “I wasn’t going to let you in my house while I was in my pajamas.”

“What difference would it have made?” I rolled my eyes. “You’d still be pissed off and angry, the fabric doesn’t change that.”

“Hmmph, typical guy logic,” she scoffed as she brought out chips, crackers and cookies.

“Sure, yeah, let’s go with that,” I said throwing my hands up in defeat.

“Oh don’t give me that, as if you wouldn’t look through a girl’s window if you had the chance,” she argued before she went still suddenly. Slowly turning her head she gave me a glare and threatened, “Don’t get any ideas now that we know we’re neighbors.”

“Oh please, like I need a felony on my record” I rolled my eyes. “Besides you’re not exactly up there on looks.”

That was a big lie as physically, she was attractive, but her rusty personality more than made up for that factor. Still, demeaning a girl’s looks is always sure to irk them, and I took satisfaction when she scowled at that.

“Whatever,” she shook her head and placed some chips, snack cakes and crackers on the table. “Unless specified, you keep to your side of the fence, and I keep to mine, got it?”

“I won’t argue that,” I said as I took one of the sodas. She then went about making a little snack platter with a tray, as if I was an esteemed guest.

Guess she doesn’t want crumbs all over the floor, I reckoned as I decided to take a quick look around the home territory of my bully. One of the things my mom told me that I actually took to heart since it wasn't just a bunch of overprotective or babying nonsense was how a person can learn a lot about someone based on how they decorate their home.

And…It was all pretty bland if I am being completely honest. No bright colors, standard drab furniture, and no outlandish photographs or posters on the walls. It looked like it would fit right at home on some realtor’s magazine or something.

"I gotta say Condiment Head, I'm a little surprised at the décor you've got going on around here."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she growled, clearly hearing my insinuating tone.

"Oh nothing really, I just expected more skulls and pools of blood from your past victims, with portraits depicting them at their height of misery is all.”

“Oh har har, my sides are splitting from laughter,” she responded sarcastically.

“I can see that,” I snarked. “But still, not even a bit of brimstone?”

“I know you’re just being an ass, but I have to wonder if you actually think that’s what bully’s have in their house,” she accused as she arranged the cheese and crackers.

“Well, you are the first one who’s invited me to their house,” I pointed out and she sighed in annoyance.

"Look Chicken Sauce, my parents wouldn't exactly approve of any of that, so whatever notions you had of the Queen’s palace, I’m sorry to dissapoint. Plus my mom would actually kill me if I messed with her furniture placement, so all your hellish decorating tips can take a hike."

So your mom’s OCD with her furniture huh? Good to know next time you try to screw me over, I thought maliciously.

"First off Shimmer, you aren't the queen of the school and you know it. Second off, of course your parents wouldn't approve of you torturing all those sheep, animal cruelty is heavily frowned upon by society after all."

She appeared to grimace at that, though I swore I thought I heard a snort of amusement.

“I am too the Queen. Sometimes royalty has to vacate their throne in times of war while pretenders sit on them,” she shot back with no hint of sarcasm.

Wow, she’s delusional. Seriously Shimmer, those Dazzle pricks can only one-up you so many times before it has to sink in that you work for them. Course not for much longer if I have anything to do about it...

I unconsciously frowned as my plans for vengeance swam around my head, but I focused back on the present before I got lost in them.

"Well Queens don’t usually fear moving their mommy’s rocking chair. Speaking of your parents, they getting back any time soon? I'd rather not have to add them to the list of idiots who think we're seeing each other."

My question, instead of being met with an angered outburst like I was expecting, was met with a small frown.

"They’re on a business trip overseas and won't be back till December. According to their postcard at least..." For a brief moment the Sunset from Luna's office reappeared as that genuinely lost look returned to her face, but only for a moment. Just as quickly as it appeared, her scowl returned. "But even if they were here, there's no why they would ever think that! They'd probably just mistake you as some robber and call the police while my Dad kicked your scrawny ass."

Before I was given a chance to rebuttal, Sunset picked up the snack platter and started making her way out of the kitchen.

"Come on, we wasted enough time as it is. I don't want you in my house any longer than I have to." She huffed as she left me alone. I stayed still for a few moments as I pondered her reaction in response to her parents.

Why is she so mopey? A whole three months with a house all to yourself sounds amazing right? I know I'd have killed to have something like that when I was still living with mom, so why was she so...oh whatever!

I shook my head as I ended that train of thought, deciding that whatever was going on with Sunset and her parents wasn't my business or worth my time. With that thought I left the kitchen and followed my host where she awaited me at the foot of the stairs.

“What, were you not happy with the snacks we already have?” she accused.

“No I was just thinking before I realized it was pointless,” I shot back and she snorted.

“You said it yourself,” she chuckled as she ascended the steps and my eyes widened in realization.

“Wait, that’s not what I…Shut up!” I stammered which only fueled her mocking laughter.

Ugh, first the ladder and now this. I am not on my A Game today! She continued to laugh at my misery even as we got to the second floor. Wait a second...why did we come all the way here?

I stopped dead in my tracks as she reach the door at the end of the hallway and looked back at me quizzically.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Being cautious. Why are we upstairs?” I asked nervously and she looked at me in befuddlement.

“So that we can go into my room?” she threw out.

“Why do we have to go to your room?” I asked hesitantly, images of her leading me to a dungeon flashing through my mind.

“Because that’s where my evidence board is that I called you to help with,” she huffed.

“Oh…Okay,” I nodded, feeling dumb for overreacting, to which she smirked at.

“What’s the matter? Never been in a girl’s room before? I’m not surprised,” she teased and I frowned.

Not since Middle School, I thought heatedly as memories of Her resurfaced and I pushed them down.

“Just open the damn door,” I grunted. She raised a brow at that, but she didn’t push any further than that.

"Alright fine, but before we go in I'm setting down some ground rules. Rules that if you break them, the police will never find your body," she threatened which actually put me in a better mood surprisingly.

“Wow Condi, nice audition line for a Soap Opera there. Give it again in Spanish and you’ll be the lead actress,” I mocked and she frowned.

"Bacon I swear to god, you bet-"

"Yeah yeah I understand Shimmer, just tell me your rules so we don't waste anymore time will ya?"

“Hmmph,” she huffed before she started drilling out her commandments. “Alright, they’re very simple. First of all, don’t touch anything inside without my permission! Secondly, don’t you ever tell any of your loser friends what you witness inside. And lastly…” She leaned towards me with a menacing look which actually made me feel in danger. “Stay away from my dresser!”

“You’re…You’re dresser?” I balked, both terrified and confused.

“Yes! So help me, if your eyes linger on it for even more than a second, I will bury you alive with plenty of maggots to keep you company. Understand?!”

I gulped and nodded at that, because for the first time, I actually believed her. All her ineffectual taunts and threats at school were nothing compared to this threat.

I won’t look at your dresser, I swear to god I won’t! I thought fearfully, and as if reading my mind she nodded and turned back to the door.

“Good. Now that that’s out of the way…” she opened the door and walked inside. “Take your shoes off, I don’t want any mud in my room.”

I obeyed, not wanting to push my luck as I untied my sneakers.

Seriously, where was that malice hiding? If she acted like that all the time I wouldn’t even think of mouthing off to her, I trembled.

“By the way, you’re not lactose intolerant or anything are you?” she asked from inside. “Because if you are you’re S.O.L. for snacks.”

…And like that, the tension is gone, I thought somewhat disappointed.







Usually when entering someone else’s room, there’s a list of things that you will take notice of first. You’ll first notice the walls and any posters or pictures hanging on it that help differentiate it from the parent’s décor. Then your eyes will be drawn to the bed and furniture which will tell you what color they prefer to sleep under, and whether they got books, figurines or knick knacks lining their shelves. Finally, your eyes will be drawn to the floor and to any mess or lack thereof. All of these together help you gain a little more insight into the person who sleeps there, such as their cleanliness habits, what they’re hobbies are, and how organized or chaotic they are.

None of these things even remotely registered with me though, because upon walking into her room my eyes were drawn to the one thing she obviously prized above the rest.

“Dang,” I let out an impressed whistle. “Is that a 70 in?”

“Huh? Oh. It’s a 75 in actually,” she said with pride.

The huge ass flat screen adorning her wall took up a third of her room, but it was clear it’s where she put the most love in. Not only that, but she also had a speaker system set up connected to it, and under the screen was a cabinet which had at least 4 different consoles in it at a cursory glance. Placed right in front of the TV was a very comfortable looking saucer chair with a foot rest to boot.

Needless to say, I was impressed.

“Condi…you’ve got a really sweet setup going on here,” I said with all sincerity which took her off guard.

"Uh...thanks? That...that was a compliment right?"

"Look Shimmer, if there's one thing I can never insult without a genuine good reason, it’s a gamer's setup. It’s our pride and joy after all, and I’d have to be a monster to put it down.”

She looked at me as if I’d grown a second head and asked,

“You’re a gamer too?”

“No crap I am,” I scoffed. “If anyone should be surprised it should be me. I didn’t think someone like you would pick up a controller.”

She narrowed her eyes at that.

“What, because I’m a girl?” she insinuated and I rolled my eyes.

“No, no, don’t try to start that sexist bullcrap talk on me. I meant because you’re a jerk who puts down others for “Nerd Stuff.””

“Gaming isn’t nerdy! You get to kill monsters and aliens and Nazis and stuff!” she defended.

“Really?” I asked incredulously at her distinction. “Is that why you didn’t think I was a gamer because it’s only for ‘popular people’?”

“No, I just thought you were a weeb because you’re always drooling over your mangas,” she accused.

“Hey! Just because I’m a weeb doesn’t mean I can’t also enjoy video games,” I defended.

“Really?” she challenged as she set the snack platter down. “So you’re saying you actually play something other than those anime dating sims?”

“I don’t play those!” I grunted. “And honestly, I could kick your ass at any fighting game any day.”

“Oh ho, is that a challenge?” she said baited.

“Yeah! Pick the game!”

“You’re on!” she grunted as she brushed past me and started setting everything up. She then sat on her comfy chair and handed me a controller.

“We’re going a few rounds in Killer Instinct. Prepared to get owned noob!”

“Ha! That’s the worst game you could have challenged me to Heinz poster girl!” I insulted.

And so we battled…and sure enough, she knew how to game. She had her mains, and I had mine, and for every match I won, she’d even out the score. She wasn’t a god level expert like Flubber, but she was good.

“Aha! Combo Breaker Bitch!” she laughed in triumph.

“Gyah! Every time!” I grumbled, though I laughed as well.

Despite the both of us giving it our all in total concentration, and even working up a bit of a sweat, I was actually feeling a bit more comfortable. I was in my element with a controller in my hand, and all of the stupidity and wrongful accusations of the last few days just sort of melted away as I pressed those buttons. Some people go jogging or play sports to let off steam, but this was my pressure relief valve, and judging by how Sunset was acting, it was hers too.

“UUUUULLLLLLTTTTRRRRRAAAAA!!!” the game announcer screamed as her Sabrewulf finished kicking the crap out of my Cinder.

“Yeah! Ha! In your face Bacon! You mess with the werewolf, you get the claws!” she jeered pumping her fist in the air.

“Heh, yeah. Good round,” I congratulated and she smirked.

“Good game you mean. And you thought you could beat me.”

“I did beat you. Plenty of times! We’re tied ten and ten now,” I pointed out.

“What?!” she said in alarm before looking at the screen and seeing I was corrected. “Alright then, next match decides it!”

“Nah I’m good, I need a break to rest my wrists,” I said as I wiped my palms against my pants.

“Oh, forfeiting huh?” she teased as she chugged her soda.

“Nah, more like calling it a draw for now,” I conceded as I ate some chips. “Besides, I got all the proof I need. You’re definitely a gamer Condiment Head.”

“Of course I am,” she said proudly before looking at me reluctantly. “And…and I guess even a weeb like you can hold his own.”

“You should see me in Mortal Kombat,” I smirked.

“I’ve got that too!” she said enthusiastically.

“Heh, maybe later,” I waved off. “Right now, I wanna help improve your set up.”

“Improve?” she asked sounding offended. “What’s wrong with it? I thought you said it was sweet?”

“Oh it is, definitely, but there’s some definite ways it could be even more amazing,” I explained and she raised a brow.

“Like what?” I smirked and held up my hand and said in an overly dramatic voice,

"First, I'd like to enact the usage of Oath 3: As a fellow Gamer I request that fellow sister Sunset Shimmer allows thy humble brother to improve and renew thou's sanctuary with thine's blessing."

Maybe a bit fanciful but I was feeling in a relatively better mood and wanted to spice up the Gamer Code.

“Oh my god,” she chuckled and shook her head. “Did you actually memorize the Code?”

“Practically,” I admitted. “Though I prettied up the language for fun.”

"Well alright then,” she coughed into hand and looked at me stoicly and seriously. “I accept your usage of Oath 3, and allow you to help improve my setup. Now...what did you have in mind?"

With that, I began to give Sunset some ideas to improve her gaming setup, which led to me relaxing on Sunset's saucer chair playing Street Fighter IV while she was off to the side at her desk, writing down notes in an actual notepad while we both ate from the snack platter. 

"So you're telling me that my speakers aren't the best kind for gaming audio? I always figured so long as they work its fine.”

"Usually yeah, since a working speaker is kinda necessary if you don't have a headphone jack or built-in speakers in your screen. But if you really want to experience a game in all its greatness you have to get some good speakers that don’t make the floor vibrate. I'd recommend-"

And so that's how the conversation between me and Sunset went for awhile, me giving her advice for her set-up while she asked me the reasons behind my recommendations. 

“Alright, I found the speakers on Craigslist for a lot cheaper than retail,” she said while looking at her phone.

“That’s a gamble buying used,” I warned. “All it takes is one subpar speaker when in surround sound to throw off the experience.”

“Yeah, good point,” she nodded. “Still, as expensive as everything is, maybe I should just get some good headphones.”

“You’ll regret it in during summer time unless you get a pair that allow for air flow,” I instructed from experience.

“Hmm, well maybe I could sell some old jewelry or something. Heh, I’m glad I called you over here for this or I wouldn’t have…Wait a minute!” she suddenly shouted which jostled me.

“What?!” I asked in alarm.

“What the hell are we doing?! I didn’t call you over here for this!”

My eyes widened as I swam out of the gaming bliss and remembered our predicament.

“Crap! You’re right!” I said as I stood out of her chair.

“AGH! We wasted a whole hour!” she exclaimed looking at the clock by her bed. “Why did you do this?!”

“I didn’t make you play! You called me out remember!” I defended in outrage, which caused her to huff and stomp over to her closet.

“Whatever! Just help me lift this thing! We’ve gotta make up for lost time!” she said pointing to a corkboard.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I grumbled as I headed towards her.

“And don’t look at my dresser!” she threatened. Luckily she was inside the closet, so she didn’t see my eyes snap away from said piece of furniture. Whatever she was afraid I’d see wasn’t obvious on a first glance aside from a vanity mirror, but I wasn’t willing to call her bluff.

“I wasn’t!” I lied as I picked up my end of the board.

“Okay, now go toards the tripod stand near the window,” she ordered.

“Can I look at that?” I snarked.

“Just shut up and move!” she grumbled as we shimmied our way with the relatively heavy evidence board. 

Once we placed it upon it’s holder, I took a step back and got a better look at it and was surprised. There were only a few scribbled notes, papers, and the spray can poster form the art room pinned to it, leaving the majority of it unused. There were also pictures of the Dazzle Rejects at the center, with a red string circled around it with the words 'Obvious Suspects' written right above them.

But what really stood out for me was that at the top of the board, with rather large and fancy lettering, was the eloquently title 'Evidence to Screw Those Dazzle Bitches and Prove My Innocence.' 

"Whelp nice to see your taking this whole investigation thing seriously, but you really need to work on your naming skills. That one is far too long-winded and doesn't roll off the tongue at all,” I snarked.

"Excuse me if I'm more focused on making sure w-I don't get punished due to the vice-principal’s ass kissing instead of making some fancy investigation name!"

I held my hands up in surrender as I dryly said,

"Alright alright, calm down before your hair starts sizzling. Now care to explain why your little evidence board looks so empty? I thought you said you made some headway?"

To my question, an out of place sheepish look came over her face as she mumbled out,

"I did make some headway...it’s just not as much as I was hoping for..."

There were a few seconds of silence between us as I looked at her stone-faced.

“Okay…then what is it?” I asked impatiently.

“Uh, sit down and I’ll walk you through it,” she ordered as she pointed back at the saucer chair and took out a collapsible pointer.

“What is this, a lecture? Come on, we wasted enough time, just tell m-“

"Sit. Down…” she ordered, clearly relaying that I had no choice in the manner.

“Okay, okay, quit baring your fangs,” I huffed as I sat back down in the chair and awaited whatever grand revelation she’d uncovered.

"That's better, now maybe we can actually get started on comparing evidence. First off..." she slapped the pointer at a picture of the spray can. "I managed to get access to the chemistry class thanks to some generous freshmen who suddenly couldn't make use of the time slot they had for it." I deliberately decided to ignore the unneeded proud tone dripping from Sunset's voice at that as she continued, "And after comparing the samples from the crime scene and from the art room, it is safe to say that none of them were used to deface the Wondercolt."

She looked at me proudly as if she uncovered a treasure trove.

“Okay…why is that a good thing? Doesn’t that mean we don’t have leads now?” I asked and she smirked smugly.

"You poor, naïve, idiotic moron, I guess I had my hopes a little too high for you to understand what these implications mean," she insulted and I frowned. I didn’t bark back though, because as insulting as she was being, she was right. I couldn’t make heads or tails of whatever this meant.

“Yeah, well, care to instruct this lowly dumbass then?” I asked impatiently.

"With pleasure,” she nodded. “The paint not being from the art supply means it wasn’t the cheap medium that most schools shell out for. The paint was actually of a higher quality and consistency associated more with brands above a school’s budget. Which means-“ 

"That whoever used this had to use it from their own personal supply, and it was probably something expensive too if the quality of the spray can was as good as you say it was,” I interrupted Sunset as I followed along with her logic. Instead of getting pissed at me for interrupting her though, she gave me a nod at my line of logic before she continued,

"Right, guess there’s hope for you yet. And since only people really dedicated to spray painting would go that far to purchase expansive materials, it reconfirms my earlier belief of being done by someone with a professional skill level. Taking that into account, our suspect pool for who the Dazzling’s hired to frame us narrows down to the Tagging Club."

She once again slammed the tip of her pointer against the board where the Tagging Club poster was, through this time there was a noticeable amount of extra force behind it.

Okay, let’s not poke that beehive. I do not want to be on the receiving end of that pointer if she gets pissed enough, I thought wearily before saying,

"Well that makes this easier for us, now all we got to do is figure out if any of those idiots is close to someone with decent sewing skills an-"

"Is what I want to say, but none of those jerks did it,” she interrupted me with a sigh.

"...Bacon hair says what now?" was my ever so clever response as I blinked owlishly at her.

She glared at the poster with her back to me and let out another annoyed sigh.

"As much as I would have loved to get that club disbanded for taking my idea, none of the members in it could have done it. They all have alibis that puts them away from the crime scene when the Wondercolt was defiled."

"And how would you know that?” I asked giving her a suspicious glance. “I doubt any of them would have bothered talking to you outside of an insult thanks to the whole school being brainwashed peppy idiots."

Sunset seemed to take some offense to my wording, but since I didn't really care if she was offended or not I just kept my suspicious glare going. Besides she knew it was true, the entire school body were a bunch of overzealous school spirit morons who clearly loved horses too much.

I swear no other high school would make this big a fuss if their mascot got graffitied.

"Look Bacon, once I figured this out I wasn't just going to just sit on my ass and wait for something to happen. My reputation is at stake after all, so I had my minions...question the Tagging Club members over the last couple of days.”

“What, those two middle schoolers that hang around you?” I asked, a bit surprised that she even called them her minions.

“Yes. They’re both dumb as rocks, but Snips and Snails are both loyal and effective,” she said with conviction.

“Yeah but…they’re kids,” I said at a lost. “Why would high schoolers be afraid of them?”

“Huh?” she asked before shaking her head. “No, no, no, they’re not good at that sort of thing. I just had them snoop and ask questions in their dumb little way. People tend to drop their guard when they think they’re teaching a moron.”

“I…Okay, however that works,” I shrugged. “But getting back to the point, what did your little henchmen find?”

“A rock solid alibi is what,” she huffed and hit the pointer against the poster again. “All of them at the same place at the same time, and it was nowhere near the Wondercolt.”

"Wait a second,” I interjected, “According to Ms. Long Legs the Second this whole thing happened around midnight Sunday and five in the morning Monday. What the hell were a bunch of art nerds doing together so late like that? They all get caught at some meet up during the storm?"

Sunset seemed to choke back a laugh at my nickname for the vice principal as she quickly steeled her features and walked over to her desk. A few moments later she came back with a tablet, tapped away on it for a few seconds before flipping the screen and setting it against the tack board.

The screen was of some fancy looking article, where the center of it was mostly taken up by some grandiose looking text with additional 'decorations' surrounding it.

'The First Annual School District Graffiti Art Show!'

There was a bunch of meaningless small text below a picture of some fancy looking building, which was probably a local art center or atrium or something. 

She then swiped on the pad and a bunch of pictures popped up, displaying a bunch of people with spray cans working on a massive canvas.

“Let me guess, that’s the tagging club?” I presumed and she nodded. “And they were…what? Pulling an allnighter?”

“Yup,” she said grumpily and swiped through more pictures. “One of them even live streamed the whole thing. They painted clear until 4:30 at one of their houses to finish this project, and none of them would have had time to graffiti our mascot.”

“Well crap!” I muttered and she nodded.

“Yeah…So the Tagging Club is out, unless Adagio herself took lessons on the side in order to do this, which she never would,” she huffed.

“Huh? Why wouldn’t that be a possibility?” I asked and she shook her head.

“Neither she nor the others had paint on their hands when they stopped us in the hall,” she said in disappointment.

“Uhhh…what about glo-“

“And they wouldn’t have worn gloves either. They’d all gotten manicures over the weekend and had new bedazzled nails. They’d have messed them up if they wore gloves,” she cut me off.

Okay, wow, wouldn’t have ever considered that train of thought, I realized as I realized that maybe Sunset was more observant than she let on. But either way now we don't have any more ideas as who the puppets are...unless...

“Hey, go back to that first screen,” I told her. She quirked a brow at that, but did as I asked. When the article came back into view, my vision narrowed onto the title, specifically the 'School District' portion of it.

"Hey, what were the other schools involved in this thing? Our crappy school can’t be it’s own district!" I said enthusiastically, feeling like I’d just uncovered something.

“I know what you’re thinking, and trust me, I thought the same thing. That Adagio got one of her moles at another school to do this…but that’s not the case either,” she sighed.

“Why not?” I asked, not at all surprised that the Queen Bitch of the Castle had court jesters in other schools.

“Because the only other schools with Tagging Clubs are those pricks at Crystal Prep and those creepy Changelings,” she said with gritted teeth. “Both of which wouldn’t ever let Adagio get a foothold.”

With the rampant school rivalry even amongst Pinkie’s friends, I could understand the Crystal Prep one, but the others…

“Changelings?” I asked in confusion. “What are they Celtic or something?”

“Oh right, you’re new,” she said bopping her forehead before picking up her tablet and typing. “That’s what we call the rejects at The Changing Lives Reform School for Wayward Students.”

She then turned the tablet back to me which showed the most ghetto looking school ever. The building had boarded up windows, holes in the walls, and the students in front of it looked like the definition of Thugs.

“Is this a prison or a school?” I asked in awe and she smirked.

“I know, right? The Changeling Hive is where the kids that don’t end up in juvie get sent to try and fail to raise their GPA.”

“How the hell are they even still running?” I asked as she flipped through some more pics, showing some students with full sleeves of tattoos.

“Two reasons. One, their sports program is the best in the whole city, especially in Football and Basketball, and two, their principal is a whore.”

I chuckled at that, but she looked at me in all seriousness.

“No really, there’s a number of stories about her. It explains why the Superintendents like her so much,” she explained. “Hell, I heard she even had an affair with the husband of Crystal Prep’s Vice Principal.”

“Yeesh,” I said as she showed a picture of a dark skinned woman with green hair that could give Principal Celestia a run for her money in the leg department. “Their questionable school structure aside, are you sure Adagio wouldn’t have contacts?”

“I’m positive,” she nodded. “For one, even she’s not stupid enough to get mixed up with Changeling Delinquents, that’d be just plain dangerous. And as for the Snobs, she knows better than to cross that line. They mess with us, we mess with them, and we never work together. That’s the unspoken rule…”

She calls those Reform kids delinquents and yet our schools have a rival gang mentality, I thought in response to her hypocrisy. What is wrong with this city?

Deciding to let sleeping bears lie, I handed Sunset back her tablet and let out a disgruntled groan.

"So now we have no suspects that can prove the Dazzlings set this all up, just great! Please tell me this isn't all you got Condiment Head?"

Sunset just shook her head before she said,

"Trust me Bacon, I wish I had more. But that's all I got, all I know is that someone used their own personal spray paint and that it can't be anyone from our school’s Tagging Club.”

“And it can’t be the other schools because Adagio wouldn’t be caught dead working with them right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I was hoping that you picked up on something so we could add it to the board and have a better picture. So…do you?”

"Nothing that'll help,” I admitted in defeat. “I got Rarity to look over the stitching for that underwear on the statue, and she said a bunch of fashion mumbo-jumbo that boils down to it being a professional job. So whoever helped the tagger knew how to sew…are you okay?” I asked as her eyes widened.

“Of course! What do you mean that’s not much?! That’s another lead! We could look into people in a sewing club or something,” she said as she made a note about the underwear and stuck it on the board.

“Is there a sewing club?” I asked.

“I…I don’t think so…not in our school, but it’s a lead…right?” she asked and I noted the edge of desperation in her voice. She had latched onto my little tidbit and was trying to run with it as far as she could.

“It’s something…but if it took us this long to figure out the paint situation, do we even have enough time to track down a seamstress that might know Adagio?” I said pessimistically and her shoulders slumped.

“Well either way, I’m going to keep looking. We can’t just give up and let those bitches win!” she said as she turned back to the board. “They hired a tagger and a sewer, there’s a trail somewhere! We’ve got to find it!”

And while she was having her little breakdown, a notification popped up on her tablet.

“…Uh, Con-“

“I won’t be able to bounce back again like after last time! I have to fix this or I’ll have nothing an-“

“Shimmer!” I raised my voice and she turned back to me.

“What?!” she growled.

“I think someone’s either trying to help you or screw with you,” I said pointing at the tablet notification. She looked at the screen and read aloud what I’d already seen.

“The Dazzling’s Aren’t Your Culprit?” she turned to me with a look of bewilderment and I just shrugged.

“Are they taunting you or-“

“No, I don’t recognize this number,” she started typing a response.

Who the hell is this? Her text read, and almost immediately a response came.

Someone who’s got info that can help. Bring Michael Bacon with you and meet me in an hour at the food strip by Dodge Junction. I’ll give you more instructions then.

We both read that message a good dozen times before we looked at each other in disbelief.

"Well...this is an obvious trap."








LATER


"This was such a bad idea, and I completely blame you if we end up getting killed,” I complained. Sunset’s eye twitched, but she didn’t respond as she parked her car near the outdoor mall. “I mean seriously, this is such an obvious set up!”

“Of course it is!” she spat as she turned the car off. “But we both agreed that we didn’t have any other choice!”

“I know! And I hate everything because of that fact,” I grumbled as she pulled out a phone that didn’t belong to either of us and texted the messenger.

Whoever they were, they had insisted that I use my phone to text when we arrived before receiving more info, which pissed both of us off to no end. For me, I obviously didn’t want my info going to some rando who would probably send it out en masse to the school, and for Sunset it was frustration. Our informant already had been in contact with her, and yet was insistent on using cryptic means as if they were a spy or something.

“There, and sent,” Sunset said as she set the phone down. “Now if it is a trap, then it’s only Snails that will have to deal with the spam.” After giving into the desperation and madness, we’d made a pit stop at her lanky lackey’s house to retrieve his cell.

“I’m just surprised he gave it to you with no questions asked,” I said as we awaited a response.

“I told you, he’s loyal,” she answered.

“And you’re okay with him seeing me in the car with you?” I questioned, remembering her earlier excuses before we’d found out we were neighbors.

“Even if he did say something, no one would believe him,” she dismissed before looking around the parking lot. “But seriously, if you see anyone from school, you duck.”

“Whoever got us here is going to know we came together anyway,” I rolled my eyes and she paused.

“Yeah, well…whatever,” she waved off just as Snail’s phone lit up.

Come to the Filibertos, I’ll be in the back away from windows and prying eyes, it said followed by a few emojis. 

“See? ‘Away from prying eyes’ means there will be no witnesses when they murder us,” I said dejectedly and Sunset pursed her lips.

“That, or it could be because they don’t want to be seen helping us and have it get back to the Dazzlings,” Sunset theorized and I gave her a blank look. “…It’s just a possibility,” she huffed and got out of the car.

“Optimism is not our strong suit C.H.,” I said as I got out as well and looked to the outdoor mall in the evening light.

“Fair enough,” she nodded and I turned to her.

“Okay, here’s how we play it. We get to the food shop, we scope it out for an ambush, and if we don’t like it we leave.”

“Why do you think I parked in the back?” she said smugly gesturing to the nearly deserted parking lot. 

“Huh…I did kind of wonder why you did that if this place is as ghetto as you say,” I replied, “You know, since apparently that Reform school is not too far away.”

“Don’t remind me,” she shuddered. “Now, let’s get inside before any Changeling’s recognize us from that stupid video."

"Good point,” I said as we walked cautiously towards our chosen restaurant. “But seriously if this is some serial killer leading us on it’s your fa-"

"Bacon, if you finish that sentence I will make you wish we were meeting a serial killer when I'm through with you,” she snapped which caused me to flinch again.

Whelp...I think that pissed her off enough. How come she isn't this threatening in school again?

With that final interaction we both entered the Mexican Fast Food restaurant. Despite being a 24/7 joint, the place was fairly clean inside and the smell wafting out of the kitchen made my stomach rumble.

“Hey Condiment Head, even if this is a bust, we should get some burritos or something,” I suggested and she looked at me incredulously.

“You just ate a bunch of snacks at my house,” she argued.

“Yeah, but they pale in comparison to carne asada,” I stood my ground.

“I am not letting you eat something so greasy in my car Chicken Sauce,” she said with finality.

“Alright fine,” I grumbled as I ignored the tantalizing smells and looked for our mysterious benefactor.

“I think that might be them around the corner,” Sunset said pointing to a lone figure in a large coat and fedora at a table near the bathrooms with their back to us. Seeing as how the only other people inside were the chefs and cashier who didn’t give us a second glance since we weren’t ordering, I had to agree with her.

“Yeah, and this just reeks even more of a trap. Who dresses like that outside of a spy movie?”

Sunset looked around the nearly empty restaurant for any sign of foul play and scowled.

“Well, at the very least there’s nobody recording us. They are sitting away from the windows so it’s kind of private just like the message said,” she pointed out.

“I know, and this straight up looks like we’re meeting a drug dealer or something, I don’t like it.”

She pursed her lips and thought about my train of thought and nodded.

“You’re right, this feels too clichéd and stupid. It’s like they’re just begging us to walk in and embarrass oursellllllll…” she trailed off as her eyes widened. Following her line of sight, I found out why.

“Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me,” I growled as I saw the blue striped ponytail flop out from under the hat. Even with all the plethora of hair colors that Canterlot had to offer, we both knew exactly who wore that shade of blue.

“What is that bitch doing here?!” Sunset growled as her hands curled into fists and she clenched her teeth.

“Obviously trying to waste our time for her precious boss,” I snarled. “Dazzle’s probably in the bathroom just waiting to pop out. I told you this was a bad idea!”

Our barely contained anger went unnoticed by Sonata though as she continued to munch away whatever food was in front of them.

“That little…how did she get my new number?!” Shimmer seethed and I shrugged.

“Who knows and who cares?” I dismissed. “Let’s just get out of here before the Rejects spring whatever trap they-“

“DUSK!” Sunset yelled and stomped towards the girl, who jolted in surprise.

“Oh for-Really?!” I grunted in exasperation as Sunset characteristically acted rashly.

“What the hell are you playing at?!” she demanded to the Reject, who turned around to face her…and was wearing a sauce stained surgical mask and holding a half eaten taco.

“Oh, you’re here! I-“ her eyes widened as she pulled the surgical mask over her mouth and adopted a deeper tone. “I mean, I'm glad you decide to, like, seek me out. Please, like, take a seat. We have much to talk about."

…Okay, this girl has definitely seen too many spy movies, I determined as Sunset was just as thrown off by her shenanigans.

“What the-NO! What’s going on Sonata?!” she demanded as she loomed over her. “What is Adagio planning?!”

"So-Sonata!? I'm, like, totally not this Sonata person! I'm just Mr. S, like, seriously! An-and even if I was this Sonata person I'm sure she, like, totes wasn't following whoever this Dagi person is! In fact, she would totes not be doing anything behind her back, like, ever!" she stammered, using the deep fake voice the whole time.

Sunset blinked owlishly, clearly still befuddled by the other girl’s antics, before she grit her teeth and slammed her fist onto the table.

"Listen here you ditzy bitch if you don't come clean right this instant I'l-"

“Uh! What Sunset meant to say, Mr. S, is that we're thankful for your willingness to give whatever info you have to clear our names!” I stammered as I rushed forth and interrupted.

"Mikey! You ca-uh I mean," Sonata stopped herself short and went back to the deep voice. “Thank you for coming Mr. Bacon.”

“Uh, no problem,” I said as I pulled Sunset back from her.

“The hell are you doing!?” she hissed.

“Preventing an incident!” I hissed back, tilting my head towards the cashier who was staring at us inquisitively with her phone prepared in her hand. Seeing this Sunset paled and I nodded. “Yeah, so let’s try to get out of this mess without the cops getting called on us.”

“Oh did you guys want to order some tacos too?” Sonata asked in her real voice as she noticed us looking at the cashier.

“N-No. We already ate,” Sunset said reluctantly as she glared back at our common foe.

“Oh...” she said before becoming gruff again. “Well please, like, take a seat. Take a seat right over there,” she gestured towards the chairs opposite her.

I can't tell if her tough guy voice is adorable or pathetic, maybe a combo of the two? Adoretic? Pathable?

My thoughts aside me and Sunset shared a quick look of 'yes, this is happening' before we took a seat across from Sonata, though I made sure to keep the bathroom door in my periphery. By herself, we had nothing to worry about with Sonata. While she would suffer the same fate Adagio and Aria would, she was no major threat without them.

She’s just a poor lost sheep, with no direction or understanding of where she is; in other words, the perfect bait. Having Sunset attack her is probably their plan, and they’re just waiting to call the cops. Well, not on my watch Rejects.

Even if it was stupid, I determined I was going to undermine their little game and keep Sunset from flying off the wagon.

“There we go,” Sonata said in base. “Now we can, like, get this thing started.”

I looked back towards the employee who put her phone away and walked back to the register and I let out a sigh.

Crisis averted…for now. 

“And what thing is that Sonata?” Sunset asked with suspicion.

“Heh heh, I already told you, I’m Mr. S,” she said refusing to break character despite being found out.

“Oh for, why do you always have to be so damned-“

“Sorry for the mistake Mr. S. She can be a bit jumpy when she gets mad," I interrupted which earned me a glare.

“Oh no, it’s like, totally fine,” “Mr. S.” assured. “I mean, it wouldn’t end well if this very cute Sonata girl was meeting you instead of me, right?”

Sunset and I shared a glance, both having caught that little tidbit.

"Alright…S,” Sunset said very reluctantly. “You called us out here, now what message does your boss have?”

“Dagi’s not my boss, she’s my fri-I mean! I’m not working for anybody! I’m here by myself,” she declared.

“Really?” I said skeptically.

“Yes, for realsies,” she said gruffly, which probably would have been funnier under better circumstances.

“And why would you do that?” Sunset grunted, clearly not buying it either.

“Because…because it’s the right thing to do?” she guessed and I frowned.

Says one of the bitches that humiliated me in front of the whole damn school and framed me! I thought with rage, but I pushed it down lest I bring the cashier back.

“Uh huh, forgive me if I don’t buy that bull,” Sunset dismissed and leaned towards the disguised girl. “Now tell me. What. Is. Your. Game?!”

Sonata recoiled a bit at that before coughing into her hand.

“No game. Honest. Like, I’m doing this because I want to,” she said with conviction.

Wait, is she really here behind Adagio’s back? I wondered. I mean, that’s too good to be true…but on the other hand…

“Alright Mr. S,” I interjected. “Let’s say that we believe you. What do you have that you felt you had to drag us out here for this cloak and dagger stuff?”

"Oh right! Just give me a second,” she piped up and dug through her coat. “I like totes have it here somewhere...aha!"

She then slapped a picture onto the table of what looked like a stereotypical nerd. He had bowl cut brown hair, thick glasses with a black rim, and freckles all around his face.

"…Okay. Who’s this supposed to be?” I asked and Sonata looked away from both of us.

“He’s someone that, like, knows the truth. He’ll be able to help prove you didn’t do it,” she said sounding nervous.

“Knows the truth?” I repeated as I scooped up the photo and looked at it more closely. “Are you telling me this is the guy that tagged the horse?”

"He’s not the one who did it,” Sunset dismissed. “That's Hindsight. He's a geek who’s in the Computer Club at school, and he couldn't do anything related with art to save his life." At my questioning gaze Sunset just gave an awkward sigh before saying, "He tried to score a date with some girl using his own 'art' and got rejected hard. I may have been nearby by chance and saw his drawing. It was not good."

Hindsight? What kind of parent names their kid that?! Does anyone in this city have a normal freaking name!?

Pushing those headache inducing thoughts aside, I looked back to the “disguised” Sonata.

"Okay, why are you trying to sick us on this guy?” I accused. “Condiment Head may not know much, but she’s an idiot savant when it comes to art."

“Yeah I a-Hey!” she exclaimed, but I ignored her as Sonata started to twiddle her thumbs.

“I’m, like, not trying to trick you or anything. And I didn’t say he did it, I just said he knows the truth,” she corrected.

“We already know the truth too bitch!” Sunset spit. “We know you three set the whole thing up, and now you’re just wasting our ti-”

“But we didn’t!” she defended in her regular voice. “I mean…they didn’t.”

“What do you mean y-They didn’t do it?” I asked.

“Like, the Dazzlings aren’t the ones who set this whole thing up. You’re wasting your time thinking like that,” she stated in all sincerity.

“What? Of course they did!” Sunset insisted, but the blue girl merely shook her head.

“No they didn’t. They totes love the Wondercolt too much for that.”

Oh come on! Again with this stupid loyalty to a stupid mascot! I thought with irritation.

“So you’re saying the Dazzlings have absolutely nothing to do with our frame job?” I inquired and again she didn’t make eye contact.

“…They didn’t do it…but they know the truth,” she said quietly.

“What truth?!” Sunset demanded, but Sonata didn’t look back up at her.

“That boy can tell you,” she answered. “But, like, he might not do it so easily…and that’s all I got.”

Silence followed those words as I processed the information and Sunset tried to will Sonata’s head to explode.

Why would she be so nervous if this wasn’t something she was supposed to say? And why be this antsy while also saying they didn’t do it?

The awkward heavy silence was finally broken when Sunset stood up heatedly, causing the chair to scrape across the floor.

"I don't know what your angle is for doing this Sonata, but just know that even if you think you’re helping me, it means nothing,” she said icily and Sonata’s shoulders slumped. “I’ll never forgive what you three did to me last year. Tell Adagio that once this is done, no matter how it ends, I’ll be coming for her. I will take back what was mine…”

And with that, she stomped away from the table and out the door, never once looking back.

What did they do to you? I wondered with dread because once again, she had actually been threatening. What the hell happened last year?

Seeing as how my ride had just up and abandoned me, I coughed awkwardly as I stood up and put the picture in my pocket.

“Um…I guess we’ll look into this then,” I said lamely and Sonata nodded, though she didn’t look back up to me. 

“N…No problem,” she said still sounding put out from Sunset’s words.

“I’m just gonna…” I said as I shuffled out of my chair and started walking towards the exit.

“Okay then,” she said in her regular voice. “Like, I hope this helps you out Mikey…”

I stopped in my tracks at that and looked back at her. With her back to me, she took the hat off, letting the rest of her hair fall out, and she lowered the surgical mask as she began to eat her taco again. Unlike when we first caught site of her, she wasn’t inhaling the thing like she’d done with the others that had been on her plate. Slowly and methodically she ate, her head lowered the whole time.

Guess she's just now realizing how bad it'll get if Adagio finds out she betrayed her. I thought with a shrug. Ah well, not my problem. If anything this might help in the long run, causing fractures in Adagio's posse will definitely help in the long run. But still...

"Hey Sonata,” I called out softly and she turned around with heavy looking eyes.

“Yeah?”

“…If this is legit…thanks,” I said with a nod and she stiffened.

“Oh, uh…no problem Mikey,” she said with saddened tone filled with relief, before looking away from me again, a faint smile touching her lips. The sad look didn’t quite leave though, and it nagged at me just like it did with Flubber at the forced Sleepover. Some part of me wanted to wipe the look away…but the smarter side reminded me that she didn’t deserve it.

Shimmer’s right. Whatever your reason is, it changes nothing. You were up there on that stage with Dazzle and Blaze, you pulled back that curtain, and you helped make me miserable. When the reckoning comes, you won’t be spared…

With that thought, I turned away from her sad dinner and made my way out of Filibertos and into the parking lot. Surprisingly, Sunset was still there, leaning against her car and messing around with her phone.

"And what's got you looking like you just discovered the key to taking over the world?" I asked as I noticed her smug grin.

"Nothing that concerns you Bacon, just some insurance for later,” she said cryptically before stowing her phone. “And what took you so long?”

“I didn’t leave in a huff?” I snarked and looked back at the fast food joint. “We’ve got a lead now, so I guess it wasn’t totally a waste.”

“Sure, but it was a chore having to talk to that airheaded bimbo,” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what’s got her 'going rogue' but it’s all we got now.”

“Damned if we do, damned if we don’t,” I agreed as I pulled out the picture of the nerdy guy. “But I swear, if this just turns out to be a wild goose chase and this guy just refused to fix Adagio’s laptop or something, I’m gonna lose it.”

“You won’t be alone,” she said as she unlocked the car and got behind the wheel. “But come on now, let’s get back to my house so we can make a plan on what to do with Hindsight.”

“Plan? What, you want my input?” I asked in surprise and she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Yes. We’ve only got so many days left, so we’ve got to confront him tomorrow at school. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but if we want any real answers without interference, I’m gonna need some help.”

“Wow, big of you to admit that,” I trolled as I got in the passenger seat.

“Screw you,” she responded tersely.


THE NEXT DAY, LUNCH


"Wha-what's going on!? What do you want with me Shimmer? I didn't bother you at all this whole week!"

“Oh I think you know damn well what’s going on here four-eyes…”

The next day found me, Sunset, and Derpy hiding out in one of the less used music rooms with a very reluctant looking Hindsight joining us as well, albeit against his will.

“Michael? What’s going on? Are we kidnapping someone?!” Derpy asked nervously as Sunset loomed over the scrawny boy who had his arms and legs duct taped together.

“Uh, no…at least I don’t think we are,” I responded hesitantly.

The plan had been simple, we use Derpy’s innocent charm to get yet another key from a janitor, open an unused room, and interrogate Hindsight in it till he told us whatever “Truth” he supposedly knew. It was all well and good, until Sunset’s goons had carried him through the door, wrapped in duct tape.

“Why the hell is he tied up?!” Sunset had demanded.

“He was being difficult,” Snips had answered.

“And you said get him here by any means necessary,” Snails added. After having a mild stroke from her minion’s idiocy, she had ushered them away to watch the hallway while she got to work.

“Alright dweeb, this is going to be how it plays out. You’re going to tell me the truth about the Wondercolt, or things are going to get messy, capiche?!” she threatened as she held her fist in front of his nose.

“Eeeeee,” he whimpered and tried to shuffle backwards.

“Mike…we’re not going to hurt him are we?” Derpy asked, sounding sick to her stomach with a betrayed look on her face.

“Wh-What?! No, we’re just-“

“Answer the question!” Sunset demanded as she grabbed him by his collar and Derpy started panting in fear.

Pinkie must never know of this. I will not be made a hypocrite by her of all people dang it!

"M-Michael! Wh-what should we do, Sunset's about to go all Renegade on him!"

“Okay, nice reference there, but I don’t think she’ll actually-“

"Lo-look Sunset I have no idea what you're talking about! Everyone knows it was you and your boyfriend who messed with the Wondercolt! So ju-just let me go already you crazy lady!" he said defiantly, which was betrayed by his nasaly squeaky voice.

My eye twitched in annoyance at Hindsight's insinuations and Sunset let a more genuine growl as the poor guy whimpered at her killing intent.

"Listen here you little bastard, I'm not dating that piece of crap and I didn't deface the Wondercolt. Now you got five seconds to tell me the truth before I-"

"Alright Condiment Head, cool it off before your head starts cooking your hair. Sizzling mustard is not a good smell that I want to deal with right now,” I interrupted which caused her head to whip to me.

"Back off Chicken Sauce! I know what I'm doing here and I don't need you interrupting my wo-"

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say,” I said dismissively as I walked towards the tied up boy. “Save the rest of your breath for the people actually behind all this will you?" Now, I only said that to avoid being a party to blatant torture and to placate Derpy, but I couldn’t deny that the frustration on Sunset’s face brought me joy.

Ah...I will never get tired of that look. Now, down to business...

With that thought I kneeled down so that I was at equal height with the still sitting Hindsight, who glanced at me warily.

"Now, Hindsight right? Sorry for Sunset's little episode there, she can be a bit...a lottemperamental when she's hungry. Which has been a lot lately considering the lunch staff keep giving us crap to eat."

Hindsight quickly glanced at Sunset when her renewed growling began before looking back at me just as quickly.

"Yo-you're Michael Bacon right? The guy who made Pinkie cry and messed with the statue."

Despite my best attempts not to, I unconsciously flinched at the mention of my first day at school. Being reminded of the whole reason your life's been a total chaotic mess tends to cause that reaction...and maybe a tiny bit of guilt.

"You're right about that first bit, but you’re wrong about the second. Through you already knew that, didn't you?" his face paled at that as his eyes started to dart around, and I knew I had him.

“I-I-I don’t know what you’re talking a-“

“Please don’t lie to our faces bud, Sunset hates liars,” I said plainly.

“You’re damned right I do,” she said cracking her knuckles and he gulped.

“And don’t try to deny it, because an anonymous birdie told us everything,” I lied and his eyes widened. “We know that you know…and now you know that we know.”

“I-I-I-I…” he stammered in fear as he realized the jig was up, and I went in for the final push.

"Look man, why don't you make things easier for us, do the right thing, and tell us who actually messed with the statue. All you got to do is give us some names, and we'll be out of your hair for good."

There was a few moments of silence as Hindsight seemed to think over his options before he suddenly got this determined look in his eyes.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about! It was you guys who did the graffiti and you’re just trying to bully me into a false confession! I don’t know who said what, but you got the wrong guy!"

That...was not what I wanted to hear, I thought with a scowl. Sonata did say he was going to be difficult, but I guess the nice guy routine isn’t going to cut it. Unless of course this WAS just a set up by Sonata and-

*Slam*

"Stop lying you little maggot and tell us the truth!” Sunset demanded, being far less subtle with her disappointment as she slammed her boot onto the ground near his knee. “I will not lose the rest of what I’ve worked for because of some computer geek, so you better start talking now or else!"

The deadly seriousness in her tone even made me concerned, but I could understand her desperation. We only had so much time left and being stonewalled wasn’t lightening the mood.

Better do something quick before 'corpse disposal' is added to my sheet of accusations.

Snapping my fingers a few times, I returned Hindsight's now thoroughly freaked out attention back on me.

"Look man, if Shimmer going Rambo on your ass isn't enough to persuade you then maybe this will. Whatever Adagio promised you, she isn’t going to honor it,” I shot in the dark and was rewarded with a widening of his eyes.

So she does have something to do with this, I thought triumphantly as I continued.

“She’s a cold hearted ruthless bitch, and you’d have to be a fool to think you even matter to her. When this is all over, she’s just going to leave you high and dry like everyone else she uses as a stepping stone.”

“B-But…she…” he stammered and Sunset looked to me with enthusiasm, encouraging me to continue.

“Helping her means you’re in her debt, and you’ll never be able to leave. At the first sign of resistance or second thoughts, she will bully and blackmail you. If you two are sharing a secret, that’s a double edged sword, and she won’t hesitate to cut you with it,” I said and got impressed looks from Derpy, Sunset and even Hindsight.

Damn, I gotta write that one down, I thought, realizing how smooth it sounded.

“But…she promised…” he whimpered and I placed my hand on his shoulder in false comfort.

“I’m sure she did, and it was probably something awesome and far out of reach right? Something impossible?” He nodded sullenly in response and I clapped his shoulder. “Well a smart guy like you should know better. I bet she’s never kept a promise in her life.”

“No…no she hasn’t,” Sunset said hollowly as her knuckles cracked, and the seriousness in her voice made my words hold more weight with him.

“I…but what am I supposed to do?” he asked pleadingly as he looked into my eyes.

“It’s simple, you don’t give her the chance to screw you over. In fact you take the opportunity to screw her over first,” I implored. 

“Yeah, you help us out, and you’ll be the one with the power, and you can cut her with that double edge first,” Sunset added, reusing my earlier metaphor.

“And…and she won’t take it out on me?” he asked nervously and I smirked.

“If you help us buddy, Sunset will keep you safe, right…?” I insinuated as I looked to her and she gave me a tired look.

“…I remember those that helped me,” she responded looking Hindsight right in the eye. 

"So what do you say man? You gonna help us screw over the diva trio?" I asked with a false smile.

Once more, there was a few moments of silence, but this time when he looked at me, I knew I would hear what I wanted.

"Alright...alright I'll talk. I'll tell you everything..."

“Thank you,” I said with a smug grin before looking at Sunset. “Alright, get Tweedle Dee and Dum in here to untie the guy.”

“Hmmph, you don’t give me orders,” she said coldly before doing just as I asked.

“Wow, she actually listened to you,” Hindsight said with amazement as he looked at me with newfound respect. “Are you sure you two aren’t-“

“Not in a million years,” I said as I stood up.

“Alright, get him loose and make it quick, lunch is ending soon,” Sunset ordered her little cronies as she let them in.

“Alrighty boss, you can count on us!” the pudgy kid said as he pulled four sets of scissors out of his pocket.

“Why do you have that many scissors on you?” Hindsight asked the Middle-schooler, feeling disturbed.

“Eh, you never know when you need scissors,” he said with a shrug as he handed a pair to the vacant string bean.

“Yeah, I don’t get it much either,” Sunset shrugged when I looked at her questioningly.

And while the underclassmen cut away the tape on our hostage, Derpy tugged at my sleeve.

“Yeah?”

“I just…I just wanted to say that that was so cool,” she said with beaming eyes and I was taken aback.

“Uh…”

“The way you and Sunset tag teamed him, going from sour to sweet and back, that was a perfect good cop, bad cop scenario,” she congratulated.

“…Thanks?” I guessed, never having thought of it that way. I had only interjected and tried to calm things down so we wouldn’t get in any more trouble…which is exactly what Good-Cop, Bad-Cop is all about. “Huh, I guess I did do that.”

“Heh, no wonder you two didn’t tell me that’s what you were planning. I’m not good at acting and I would have blown it. When he kept glancing at me being scared and confused, it was genuine and it got to him,” she explained and I began to sweat.

“Yup! Totally what we were planning. Glad you understand Derpy,” I chuckled nervously and she smiled.

“No problem,” she said bubbly before looking at Sunset as she looked over her minions with pride. “You know, you two DO make a very good team.”

I nearly choked in surprise at that remark, especially since she said it without any hint of sarcasm.

“Yeah, well, the threat of execution makes anyone a team player I guess,” I dismissed just as Snips and Snails freed Hindsight completely.

“There you go, all done,” Snails said dopily.

“Great, but next time, ask me first before you two decide to wrap someone up,” she scolded and they wilted a bit. “I mean, it’s a miracle no one saw you.”

“Yeah…except for Sweetie Belle,” Snails said with a grin and she did a double take.

“What?! Someone saw you dragging him?” she exclaimed and he nodded. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Well, we were gonna…but then he kept showing me these mysterious texts he kept getting,” Snips explained.

“Yeah. I keep getting pictures of food and dogs and cats, and whoever they are keeps asking what my favorite ice cream flavor is,” Snails said vacantly.

And that would probably be Sonata blowing up his phone thinking it’s mine. Glad I dodged that bullet, I thought in relief as Sunset facepalmed.

“Alright, new plan. You two run along, and if anyone asks, you deny everything! Got it?!”

“Can do!” they both saluted and rushed out the door.

“So what is your favorite ice cream flavor?”

“I’m still thinking that one over.”

And just as quickly as the stupidity entered, it was gone and I shook my head.

“How did you get captured by those two?” I asked Hindsight who looked away in embarrassment.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” Derpy said in her usual bubbly voice.

“Oh, uh…thank you,” he said with an actual smile.

“Okay, okay, enough with the compliments. You said you were going to talk, so spill the beans already,” Sunset demanded and he nodded as he stood up.

“Right, right…oh, where do I even begin?” he muttered.

“The beginning is usually nice,” I snarked and he chuckled nervously.

“Yeah that makes sense,” he agreed before he took a deep breath and looked both me and Sunset.

“Before I begin, I just want to say how sorry I am for going along with everything, even after I know you didn’t do it.”

“We’ll handle forgiveness later, now spill!” Sunset huffed and he flinched.

“Okay…well on Sunday night, some of my friends and I had been messing around with my new drone,” he started and I shared a confused look with Shimmer.

Not where I thought this would begin, but okay, I thought as I gestured for him to continue.

“It’s pretty expensive and it has a long area of control. I could literally sit at my home computer and have it fly to the edge of town if I wanted,” he explained.

“Oooohhh, can it go as high as an airplane?” Derpy asked curiously and he brightened.

“It can actually…though you really shouldn’t because you could get in serious trouble with regulated airspace and-“

“Getting off track,” Shimmer threatened and he stopped himself.

“Right, right,” he said while pushing his glasses higher on his nose. “The point is, the drone is state of the art, and my friends and I decided to play with it and get some good footage of the town after the storm had dissipated…but then disaster struck. A goose flew into my drone and knocked it from the sky.”

“Oh no! The poor goose!” Derpy said sympathetically.

“Oh no, the goose was fine. The stupid jerk was honking merrily as it flew away and my drone tumbled,” he huffed.

“Heh, yeah, geese are assholes,” I agreed.

“Michael!” Derpy pouted.

“What? They are!” I stood my ground.

“You’ll get no argument from me,” Sunset added and Derpy scrunched her face at all of us. “But flying rats aside, what does your broken drone mean in the grand scheme?”

“Oh, well what happened was that my drone sort of went offline when it crashed, so I had no idea where it had landed. But, using complicated math, we were able to pin point where it had landed within one hundred feet, and sure enough, we found it Tuesday stuck in one of the trees in front of campus.”

My breath hitched as I suddenly had a clearer idea on where this was going.

“You crashed it Sunday night in front of the school and only found it Tuesday?” I asked.

“That is correct,” he smiled before frowning. “And it wasn’t in good condition. Aside from the camera, the rotors were bent and broken and-“

“Your drone! Did it see who actually spray painted the statue?!” Sunset spoke up excitedly catching the same train of thought. At that, Hindsight scratched at his ear and looked down.

“Well, yes and no…”

“What does that mean?” I inquired.

“It means that while yes, my drone was still recording even after I had lost the signal, I didn’t get any footage of the actual assailants as the branches and leaves of the tree obscured it.”

“Okay…so what did you get then?” I asked, knowing that wasn’t the end of it and he looked at us stoicly.

“I caught voices. Voices that were speaking around the time when the Wondercolt got defaced,” he explained, and just like that a bit of hope hit me, and Sunset as well if her gleeful eyes were to be believed.

“Who? Who were the voices?” she asked enthusiastically and he looked down again.

“That is something I don’t know,” he admitted. “I mean, I don’t know the exact people talking, but based on what they were saying, I know where they were from.”

“Where?!” we both asked at the same time. He looked at both of us, breathed deeply and said,

“Crystal Prep.”

“…WHAT?!” we both exclaimed once again as that was not what we were expecting.

“Yeah, I know,” he nodded in understanding as Sunset looked like her whole world had been turned on it’s head.

“Are you telling me that some rich prep douches were the ones that framed us?!” I gasped and he nodded.

“I’m sure of it. They were speaking with that snooty accent they all seem to have, and were saying things like “Dreadful” and “Lower Class Peons.””

“I…but…” Sunset stammered.

“The expensive spray paint! Their own tagging club!” I exclaimed as some pieces came together. “I was right before!”

“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Derpy of all people argued. “I mean, why would Adagio or any of the others be involved with anyone from Crystal Prep?”

“Exactly!” Sunset found her words before turning to Hindsight. “They know better than to work with those snobs!”

At that accusation, Hindsight looked down in shame.

“Yeah I know…but they weren’t working together,” he said and the room went quiet.

“What do you mean they weren’t working together?” I asked in befuddlement. “Earlier you said Adagio promised you something.”

“She did…but they didn’t have anything to do with the snobs, because I’m the one who told them about it.”

“…You did what?” Shimmer growled and he sighed.

“Listen, I thought it was you two who had done the graffiti, but after I got my drone back on Tuesday and I made my discovery…I might have gotten a little opportunistic,” he said shamefully.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I realized that I needed money to fix my drone, and that I had perfect extortion evidence if I could figure out which rich jerk did this…but I’ve never done such a thing so…”

“You went to the Rejects for help,” I finished for him and he nodded.

“She was furious that any of the snobs would dare destroy our school property, and thanked me profusely for bringing this to her attention.”

“If she was so furious, then why are we still getting the shaft?!” Sunset growled and he squirmed again.

“Well, when I went to them, I figured that with their help, we could figure out who the Preppers were, and then tell the Vice Principal the truth while withholding the names. Once we got your name’s cleared, we could blackmail them for the cash when they thought they were off the hook…but Adagio came up with a different plan.”

“…That conniving bitch,” I grunted as I pieced it together and he flinched again.

“What?” Sunset asked me and I looked at her angrily.

“What’s got a bigger haul for blackmail? Threatening someone when no one innocent got hurt, or threatening them when someone else got punished?” It took a moment for it to sink in, but once it did, her eyes lit with flame and her teeth clenched down hard.

“She was going to let us get thrown under the bus so that she could have more leverage on them!” she exclaimed angrily. “That little…AAAGGGHHH!!!”

Sunset then proceeded to kick an old drum set over and over again while I pulled on all of my willpower not to join her.

“But…but that means she would let the Crystal Prep meanies get away with it,” Derpy pointed out.

“Not really, she would use it to get a foothold in their school,” I explained through gritted teeth. “You’re all a bunch of school spirit fanatics, so her finally getting a leg up on them would boost her status even more. She saw an opportunity and took it!”

“UGH! No wonder that Ditzy bitch came to us! It left a bad taste in her mouth! She didn’t like the idea of helping the snobs either!” Sunset grunted as she pulled her hair and put her foot through a drum.

“That’s terrible…how could you agree to such a thing Hindsight?” Derpy asked sounding absolutely hurt, and the guilt on his face doubled.

“I…I didn’t like the idea either, b-but she convinced me I’d get a big cut and…and…”

“And what? What was so worth it that you’d let two people go down in flames, despite knowing the truth?!” I accused, no longer playing the good cop.

“…She said I would get a date with Aria…” he nearly whispered, and all went quiet again.

“…Blaze?” I asked incredulously.

“Yeah…” he nodded ruefully.

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You actually-YOU ACTUALLY thought that you had a chance with that pig tailed bimbo?!” Sunset exclaimed and he lowered his head like a scolded dog. “Aha…Aha-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” she began to laugh maniacally.

Though I wholeheartedly agreed with her reaction I refrained, albeit barely. This little twiggy computer geek had agreed to let us take the fall over the impossible promise of getting tail so outside of his league that it might as well have been on the moon. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, actually sounding genuine. I really, really didn’t want any more to do with him and to brush off his apology, but I knew we still needed him. He was the only one who had the evidence, and since Sunset was cackling mad, I decided to give bad cop a try.

“Alright Hindsight…this is how it’s going to go,” I said as I got in his personal space and loomed over him, which made him slouch. “After school today, you’re coming with us, you are going to show us the audio recordings, and you are going to do your damndest to help us clear our names.”

“Uh…” he gasped.

“This isn’t a negotiation. If you really are sorry, and you don’t want the Dazzle on your ass, you are going to stick to us like glue. You did agree to screw them over first remember?” I said threateningly and he actually gulped.

“Y-Yeah, alright. I’ll go with you both,” he relented as sweat built up on his brow.

“Make that all three of us,” Derpy interrupted as she got in between the two of us. “I’m coming too.”

“What?” I gasped. “But Derpy, you don’t have to come with us outside of sch-“ She interrupted me as she got in my face with a serious look.

“Someone’s gotta be the good cop so no one gets hurt. Right now, you and Sunset are Bad Cop, Worse Cop,” she said in an authoritative voice. Just to emphasize her point, Sunset threw a cymbal against the wall where it gave a mighty crash.

“…Alright,” I relented, knowing that a cooler head was required, and that right then, I was not in the role. She let out a sigh of relief at that.

“And why don’t we just give VP Luna the audio now?” she asked.

“Because it’s just audio, and even he doesn’t know who’s saying it. Audio without images isn’t enough, because anyone could fake that. We need faces and names,” I said wishing life was simpler.

“Oh…” she said in understanding before turning towards the intimidated Hindsight. “It’s alright, we all make mistakes,” she said patting his back.

“Uh huh…yeah…” he nodded looking at me fearfully which made me frown.

You brought this on yourself dude, I thought just as the bell rang.

“We’ll all meet at Sunset’s car after school, and we’re gonna figure out who these rich douches are,” I said as I made my way out the door.

“We’re what now?” Sunset asked in the midst of her tantrum.








LATER, AFTER SCHOOL


The rest of the day passed by both slowly and fastly as I stewed. It irked me that Adagio wasn’t directly responsible for everything like I had been so sure of. She had a part to play of course, but it wasn’t the direct traitorous act I’d been hoping to rub her face in with.

Sonata was right. They just knew the truth, but it wasn’t their doing…even still, if she really felt bad she could have just said so instead of distancing herself and letting me figure it out, I thought grumpily.

“Say, Mr. Bacon, my little sister said she saw Sunset’s little helpers dragging someone off, do you know anything about that?” Rarity had asked at one point, but I just brushed her off.

“Nope, sorry, don’t know a thing,” I had said unconvincingly, not even trying to sound plausible. More of them had tried to interact, but they only met my cold shoulder.

“Hey Michael, are you feeling-“

“Leave me alone Twilight!”

“Um…Mikey, can we talk about-“

“I don’t want to talk right now Pinkie!”

And so the rest of my day went with everyone still treating me as a pariah, until the final bell rang and I made a beeline for the parking lot.

When I arrived, I found Sunset already there, glaring at me as a nervous Hindsight sat in the back seat.

“Don’t make a habit of volunteering my car in the future you prick,” she snarled.

“Expediency is key Condiment Head, we don’t have time to jump through hoops,” I huffed back and she bristled.

“Just get in the damn car before anyone sees,” she ordered as her head whipped back and forth.

“Too late for that,” I pointed out towards a group of girls who were pointing and gossiping, which only made Sunset’s face redder.

“Damn It!” she whispered under her breath as I got into the passenger seat and buckled up. “Fancy seeing you here Hindsight,” I snarked as he looked down at his feet. 

A few minutes later, Derpy arrived and Sunset berated her.

“About time! What took so long?!”

“I was-“

“Whatever! Get in! Time’s a wasting!”

Frowning slightly, Derpy got in the back with Hindsight as Sunset got behind the wheel, turned the key and sped us out of there.

“When we get to your place nerd, you get in, get the drone footage and come back asap!” she ordered and he looked at her perplexed.

“But it’s on my laptop. Why don’t we just go to my room and-“

“I am not parking my car in front of your house and going to your room! Not only is that the last thing I ever want to do, but my evidence board is at my house,” she barked as she swerved around a minivan.

“Oh…Okay,” he said in defeat.

“Do you have any snacks Sunset? Or are we going to order a pizza or something?” Derpy asked excitedly, and the bully looked at her in the rear view mirror.

“Yeah, sure, we’ll get food later,” she said rolling her eyes.

“Yay!” Derpy cheered and I gave a side glance to the grumbling Sunset.

“It’s easier than arguing with her,” she barely whispered to me, and it actually made me feel a little better knowing that Derpy had broken her down a bit.

Guess I’m not the only one that’s fallen for it…come to think of it, she hasn’t called her anything derogatory these last few days either. My pondering aside, we drove to Hindsight’s house, he went in and came back with his lap top, and we drove to Shimmer’s.

“Before we go in, there’s some rules that need to be-“ she started but I interrupted her.

“If you’re gonna give your commandments, I’m gonna go drop my bag off at home.”

“Huh? Do you live nearby Michael?” asked Derpy and Sunset’s eye twitched.

“You could say that,” I said as I got out and closed the door, leaving the frazzled bully to lay down the law to our chaperone and hostage.

After one round trip up and over the REGULAR LADDER, I was unburdened by homework I would be ignoring, and also had a cookie from my kitchen in case Sunset had run out. It was as I was munching on this snack and heading back towards the driveway, that I heard raised voices.

"-and for the last time I did not kidnap them!"

"Oh please, Darling you expect me to believe a ruffian like you wouldn't stoop so low as to kidnap our fellow students to prove your 'innocence.'"

"I am innocent damn it! And you better get off that high horse of yours you snooty freak, since if I'm guilty so is your precious pink psycho’s friend!"

"He didn't do it! He got way too pissed off about it for him to do it, besides you're just using him as a scapegoat to get back at him earlier!"

"Ugh! You annoying rainbow haired bitch! Get the hell off my property before I-"

"Well...really wish I just stayed in the back yard."

All arguments stopped as the girls turned towards me in shock. Standing in Sunset's driveway in front of a familiar sports car was a pissed off looking Rainbow, a frazzled Rarity, and an eerily quiet Pinkie. Standing on her porch was Sunset, with Hindsight and Derpy awkwardly standing behind her.

With all eyes on me, I focused my frustration on the three annoyances who were only causing us more set backs.

"Alright, what do you three idiots want?"

My question was met with silence and genuine surprise, which only made me sigh in more frustration.

Why do I get the feeling this is going to be more annoying than it should be? Oh right, Pinkie and her friends are involved. Duh!


}THREE DAYS REMAIN{

> Episode 17: Trap'em! Film'em! Get The Proof!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

True to form, my inquiries were merely met with more awkward silence as their pea sized brains began to reboot. I didn’t know why they chose now of all times to confront Shimmer, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. Plus I was still pissed at Rainbow for even considering I was guilty (for some reason I couldn’t fathom) and that I didn’t want to deal with any of Pinkie’s or Rarity’s shenanigans. For their part though, they did seem to become more subdued when I appeared…but Pinkie seemed off. She looked upset, but not to the point of crying, and her hair seemed straighter than normal.

I wouldn’t even be surprised if her hair responded to her emotional state, I thought tiredly just as Sunset broke the silence. 

"About time your ass showed up Bacon! Tell your loser friends to take a hike before we lose anymore daylight,” she commanded in a huff. In the corner of my vision, I saw Derpy and Hindsight shrink even more behind Sunset as Pinkie and her friends returned their gazes back towards the bully.

Huh, almost looks like she’s the one protecting them, I thought at the unusual scene before I responded back with my usual snark.

"Well excuse me princess, if I had known these three were here I would have just stayed home and avoided all this hassle."

"Did...did you seriously just reference that Legend of Zelda cartoon?" She said with a tone dripping with disbelief.

"Wait, you actually got that reference? Did you actually watch that stupid show?" I asked with a raised brow, which only caused Sunset's cheeks to flush in embarrassment.

"What!? No of course I didn’t! But every stupid parody video on Youtube has it in some way or another,” she pointed out.

“…You watch stupid youtube videos too?” I asked in complete surprise.

“I’ve actually seen the actual cartoon, it’s terrible,” Hindsight spoke up.

“Really? I’ve seen some episodes online, I thought it was pretty good,” Derpy said meekly. She then let out a slight eep when all three of us looked at her in scrutiny. "What? I meant what I said! I like anything with Link in it!"

“Derpy…” I said in disappointment as me and Sunset shared a disappointed glance. “You can like a character, but that doesn’t mean you have to like the worst version of the-“

"WAIT A MINUTE! What are you all talking about?!” Rainbow shouted, interrupting our discussion.

"Oh right, the Pinkie Brigade is still here," I muttered to myself as I turned back towards them. “We’re talking about horrible 80’s cartoons Skittles. The real question is, what the hell are you doing here?”

“What am I-We came to rescue you you dolt!” she growled.

“Huh?”

“A lot of people saw you in her car with Derpy and…whoever that guy is,” she said pointing to the nerd.

“I’m Hindsight,” he waved nervously, but was ignored.

“So we came to get you before she tortured you or whatever,” she finished.

“Are you serious?” Sunset groaned and I failed to stifle a chuckle.

“See, told ya I’m not the only one to think like that,” I quipped and she frowned even more before I turned my attention back to Rainbow. “But seriously Skittles, Condiment Head isn’t kidnapping or torturing anyone…physically at least.”

"Bacon!"

“But mental warfare isn’t something you need to worry about, so please kindly leave before she turns the sprinklers on or something,” I finished, and the three girls just looked at me in shock. Rarity at least took that threat at face value and immediately scampered off the grass nearer to Dash’s death mobile.

"Wait...so you’re all here willingly?” Rainbow asked dumbfounded and I rolled my eyes.

“Yes Rainbow. Unlike you and Pinkie, Shimmer doesn’t take people anywhere against their will,” I jabbed and felt some satisfaction in seeing the two of them wince.

“But I…” Hindsight started to speak up, but was silenced by a double glare from me and the red headed mean girl.

“I…Wha…But she…” Rainbow’s mouth sputtered as if I’d shattered her entire world view.

“See, it’s just like I told you Dash, now get your stupid car off my driveway!” Sunset ordered, feeling vindicated.

“But Mr. Bacon, why would you willingly go with her?” Rarity asked as she looked just as lost.

“Because we’re trying to clear our names and find out who framed us, duh!” I bonked my forehead mockingly for emphasis and she grimaced.

“Framed? Her?” Dash sputtered in disbelief and Sunset glowered even more.

“Mr. Bacon, we know your innocence is assured, but are you suggesting she had nothing to do with the crime?” Rarity asked.

"For the last time you snobby bitch, I would never mess with the Wondercolt!” Sunset bared her teeth and the purple haired girl flinched back. “I am loyal to it and the school just as much as you!”

Spoken like a true cultist, I mentally quipped. 

“Oh, like you have a right to talk about loyalty for anything!” Rainbow snarled back.

“I concur. We all know you would throw anything under the bus to save your pride,” Rarity agreed, and Sunset’s fists clenched tightly as her face started to become as red as her hair.

"Alright look you two, Shimmer didn't mess with the stupid statue you all love so much, okay?!” I interrupted with a bit of heat. “We both got framed and now we both are one step closer to figuring out who actually did it, so cut it out with your little lynch mob tactics!” 

They all looked at me, surprised by the anger in my voice. They weren’t the only ones.

Huh...where did that come from? I wondered as I looked back at a shocked and grateful looking Sunset. Was them hounding on her even though she’s innocent what got to me…? Nah. I’m probably just annoyed about their time wasting… I rationalized.

“She…didn’t do it?” Pinkie all but whispered in a hollow sounding voice, far from her usual tone.

“No, she didn’t,” I said with finality and she looked back down at her feet, looking guilty again.

“Mike, why are you defending and being all chummy with her?” Rainbow asked as if she couldn’t grasp what was happening. “Even if she didn’t do it she’s still a massive jerk who helps the Dazzlings all the time!”

At that statement, Sunset looked about ready to hop off her porch and tear Rainbow’s neck out with her teeth, so I got in front of her before a homicide could occur.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, she hates the Rejects even more than I do.

"First off Skittles, me and her are anything but chummy. We're just tolerating each other till we clear our names, which would be a lot sooner if you hadn’t of come here full of piss and vinegar. Secon-"

"Wait, you guys figured out who messed with the Wondercolt!? Who was it?!”

Pointedly ignoring Rainbow's interruption I sent her a glare as I continued,

"Secondly, none of this is your business. So hurry up and leave already, we've wasted enough time as it is."

"Not our business!?” she growled as her confusion was replaced by anger. “We're your friends Mike, so you getting framed for a crime you didn't commit makes it our business! Do you have any idea how worried we've been?"

“Uh, no?” I said truthfully which caused her eye to twitch.

Although I’m pretty sure Applejack is anything but worried. Probably hooping and hollering or whatever country girls do in celebration, I thought. Before Rainbow could say more, Sunset began to laugh mockingly, which earned her ire.

"And what's so funny Shimmer?" she demanded.

“Besides your face? Nothing much except that bold faced lie,” she guffawed causing Rainbow to heat up.

“What lie?!”

“The part about you being his friends and being worried,” she handwaved. “I mean really? Do you actually buy that?”

“Yes! That’s not a lie!” she stood her ground and Sunset rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, the closest thing this guy’s got to a friend is her,” she dismissed pointing to Derpy who shrunk back again. “She’s done more to help us than anyone, and even then it’s only because Mr. Distorted assigned her to be our babysitter.”

“Uh, that’s not the only reas-“ Derpy started, but was promptly ignored.

“But that’s not true, we all-“

“Rainbow, just give it a rest would you? You know she’s not wrong,” I said with a tired sigh. A look of utter betrayal and shock overtook Dash’s face at that, which momentarily took me off guard. “S-So just leave this to us alright? Go on home an-“

“Now wait just one minute Mr. Bacon!” Apparently I must have touched a nerve, or just finally reached the limit of Rarity’s ability to deal with my assholeness, because she stomped uncomfortably close to me.

“Now while it is true that I haven’t been exactly keen on being your friend, that holds no meaning when it comes to your affect on my friends!” Rarity angrily said as she got up in my face.

Whoa! Too close, way to close you prissy annoyance! Back off! I thought angrily, but of course, she wasn’t a mind reader.

“My friends care about you even if I can’t wrap my head around why! Twilight has been a nervous wreck, Rainbow has been glaring daggers at the air nonstop for the entire week and Pinkie...” Rarity loosely gestured behind her at the disheveled and unhappy girl, “has been like this the entire time! Even poor Fluttershy seems more nervous than usual.”

But why though? I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you guys! And who the hell is Fluttershy!? I thought in panic as I took a few steps back and she continued her advance. Eventually my back hit Sunset's porch as Rarity moved in for apparently the final blow.

“So like it or not Mr. Bacon, this whole Wondercolt travesty is our business. The sooner you’re proven innocent the sooner the others can stop worrying over a brute like you!” she finished, poking me in the chest for emphasis.

I was honestly at a loss for words. Of all of Pinkie’s friends, I would have expected it to be Rainbow Dash or Applejack to come at me this hard, not the fashionista.

“I…” I blathered as I fought to untangle my thoughts, but before anything else could happen, a hand snatch Rarity’s finger and yanked it off of me.

“He gets it!” Sunset said dangerously as she glared eye to eye with Rarity.

Wha…? I became lost once more. Did…did she defend me?

“Hmmph! Does he?” Rarity huffed as she pulled her hand from Sunset’s grasp.

“Yes,” Sunset seethed. “He said he doesn’t want you here, and I wholeheartedly agree.”

“But he doesn’t know what he’s talking about Sunset!” Rainbow called out.

“Oh I’m sure he does. And please, you’re worried about him? You’re all just pissed like everyone else because of the Wondercolt,” she argued.

Y-Yeah…that sounds right, I thought in agreement as I got my mind under control.

“That’s not the only reason,” Rarity countered.

“Or maybe they just felt they had to walk back their stupidity because they bought that B.S. Dazzling gossip about me being the culprit,” I said with conviction as I got off from the porch and moved forward while Rarity’s eyes widened. “Don’t try to deny it, I know all of you did. And now you’re doing this ridiculous play to ease your mind after doing nothing about it.”

"Oh come on man! You know that's not fair!" Rainbow blurted out.

"Fair?” I said mockingly. “What do you mean by that?”

“What do I mean by that!?" Rainbow squawked in outrage as her hands curled into fist. "We tried to apologize to your dumb ass this whole week, but you kept blowing us off whenever we tried! You can't just act like we all just decided to ditch you over it! I mean, I realized I was wrong as soon as I talked to you about it!'

Wow, she really doesn't know when to quit huh? Talk about being as stubborn as a mule.

"Please, like I wanted to listen to a bunch of half-assed apologies just so you all could keep face," I rolled my eyes.

"We-I wasn't trying to apologize to save face you jerk! I still feel bad about doubting you! You can't just think our apologies were going to be fake without hearing us out."

"Right, and Adagio isn't bitchy evil incarnate,” I scoffed with a shake of my head. “No one ever gives a sincere apology, they’re just excuses to keep a person’s social standing high without looking like a major jerkoff."

Instead of another angered reply like I was expecting, Rainbow instead seemed to lose her fire as she just stared at me with a dumbfounded look.

That's right, be confused by my sudden shoving of the truth into your ignorant face! I thought smugly with a small grin...which I almost immediately lost when she and Rarity looked at me with pity.

"Dude...you don't think that's really why people apologize right?"

The hell’s with that look? I'm just speaking the truth of society here, not like I just spilled some crappy sad backstory!

Even still, both she and Rarity looked at me as if a bus had just hit me. Even Derpy, Hindsight and even Sunset were giving me disbelieving looks.

“Mike…” Rainbow sighed with pity.

"Look it doesn't matter whether you can accept the real world or not. I know you guys like trespassing on my property but I’m sure Sunset won’t hesitate to call the co-AH!” I cut myself off with a yelp of shock as I came face to face with sad blue eyes. "What the, how did you get behind me!? I-that doesn't-how!?" I stammered out in confusion as I looked back and forth from where Pinkie was before and where she was now.

There's no way she could have gotten behind me without me noticing, I was practically staring at her and her little group this whole time! But once again, no one even batted an eye at this seemingly teleporting girl, although at least Hindsight had the courtesy of giving a double take.

“No really, how did you get behind me?” I repeated as she just stared at me with tired, sad eyes. “I looked away for less than a second and you-AGH!” I was interrupted for what felt like was millionth time, but not because she spoke up. Oh no, it was far worse the way she managed to interrupt me. See pinks for brains decided to pull me into a hug, which was not as bone crushing as in the past, but was still majorly unwanted!

"Dammit Pinkie! What did I say about hugging!? You better let me go or I swear I'm getting a restraining or-"

"I'm sorry Mikey."

And just like when Sunset pried Rarity’s fingers off of me, I was at a loss for words. Not because she apologized, because I figured she would do that at some point, as was her custom, but because of how she said it; a dull, genuine tone full of somberness and regret with not even a wisp of her usual cheer. The same tone that came from my phone after The Party. 

A tone that I, for some reason, did not like coming out of her usual chatterbox of a mouth.

"Uh..." I responded oh so eloquently, which thankfully ended the hug.

"I know it was wrong for us to jump to conclusions like that, especially since we've been trying so hard to be your friend,” she said with that same tone. “I know you probably won't accept this apology since you don’t believe in them but..." She closed her eyes and gave a sad smile as she finished, "I hope you can at least think about it and talk to us again."

“Uh…” I drawled out again, my snark and comebacks failing to rise to the occasion. Sensing an opening no doubt, Rainbow put a hand on my shoulder and said in a similarly hollow voice,

"Yeah Mike, and besides, I'm the one who set you off in the first place, so if anything you should just be angry at me and not the others. I'm sorry too man, and I mean it."

They…they sound like they mean it too, I thought in a moment of weakness, before I was thankfully saved by Sunset again.

"Look, can you save all this mushy crap for later, or at least do it away from me? You can all have your happy pow-wow later, we're in the middle of something and we've wasted enough time on you losers!" Sunset said sounding very annoyed, her face looking like she was physically pained to see the sappy after school special. She had apparently made her way back up her porch steps since stopping Rarity, but I didn't pay much attention to that at the moment.

"Darling please, can you not ruin the moment? Have some tact, if you have any in that cavity of rudeness you call a brain!” Rarity insulted.

"Oh you wanna talk smack you prissy hussy?! Why don't you come over here and say that to my face?!"

And thanks to their little outbursts, I came back to my senses.

Ugh! I forgot Pinkie was a master manipulator! Quit trying to draw on emotions that aren’t there! I mentally shouted…but I still couldn’t voice those thoughts. Even though I knew her mind games and her ruthless determination, a part of me just couldn’t insult Pinkie while she wasn’t smiling. Whether from fear of making her cry again or something else, I couldn’t do it. God damn it, this town is getting to me. I can't believe I'm doing this..but at least I can lay down the rules on my terms.

“Alright, alright, I forgive you and stuff,” I relented with a sigh that even stopped Rarity and Sunset’s argument. “There, I said it. Now tell the others to not hassle me about it okay?” Even though I had only given the bare minimum of emotional effort and clearly sounded disingenuous, they both smiled at that. And like a switch Pinkie's demeanor did a complete one-eighty as her hair got poofier and she regained her annoyingly bright smile.

Did her hair just inflate? What th- "ACK!"

I once again found myself in one of Pinkie's death hugs as she jumped up and down like a kangaroo.

"Oh I knew you'd forgive us Mikey!" She cheered while gripping me tighter. "Well, not really forgiven with that tone and all, but at least you’re talking to us again which is great cause then we can bond and slowly make you forgive us for real over time and-gasp! We should totally throw you a 'Talking Again With My Sorta Friends' party an-"

"Uh Pinks, you may want to let him go before we have to throw him a 'Afterlife' party."

Pinkie blinked owlishly at Rainbow's comment before looking at me, and seeing that most of my face was now an unhealthy shade of blue. 

"Hehehe...sorry about that Mikey,” she chuckled nervously as she dropped me like a sack of potatoes.

Oh sweet oxygen, never leave me again!

“Pinkie dear, you really have to pay attention to these sorts of things if you want to make any progress at all,” Rarity admonished the pink sugar factory.

Yeah, no kidding!

And while I was slowly getting back up on my feet while breathing deeply, Sunset was clapping slowly and sarcastically.

"Great, you're all pals again,” she deadpanned. “And since there’s clearly no reason for you to be here now, get in your car and-“

"Nope!" Pinkie interrupted brightly causing all of us to look at her incredulously.

"…I think I might be hearing things, but did you just say 'no' to me you pink little psycho?" Sunset asked sharply.

“No, I actually said ‘nope’ just like Big Macintosh would,” she giggled and Sunset got even redder. “But in all seriousness, we’re not going to go. Mikey’s still in trouble, and we’re going to help him in any way we can.”

“Uh, Pinkie, it’d be more helpful if you let us-“ I tried to interject but was interrupted like usual.

“Even if it means working with you Sunset, we’ll do all we can to prove his innocence…which might be a bit tough since we thought you were one of the schemers…”

“Oh for-I don’t need your help! We don’t need your help!” Sunset emphasized while gesturing to me, Derpy and Hindsight. “We’ve already gotten enough evidence on our-“

“Evidence! That’s right!” Pinkie interrupted, frustrating the bully. “We’ll look for clues and stuff like real detectives! We’ll be The Super Investigation Team!”

“That’s alright, we don’t-“ I uselessly tried to say again.

"But we can't be the Investigation Team, we don't have any Personas,” Derpy spoke up and Pinkie pointed at her.

“Hmm, good point,” Pinkie conceded.

Wow, I didn’t even think of that, you’re sure quick on the references Derpy, I thought impressed.

“Um, why can’t we be called that?” Hindsight asked the blonde girl. “It’s just a game name right?”

"Copyright infringement is a really serious thing nowadays," she said as if it were obvious.

"Wha-what does that have to do with any-" Sunset started to say, only to interrupted by Pinkie who now had a rather thoughtful look on her face.

"Oooh! I know, how about the Mystery Incorporated!?"

“That’s literally Scooby Doo Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

"Oh, then how about Pinkie and the Wondercolts?"

"That’s also too close to a cartoon name,” Rarity responded.

Of course Rarity would watch that show, I thought with a role of my eyes.

"Okay, how about the Clue Club?"

"That’d be too hard to say fast," Derpy criticized.

"Drat,” Pinkie snapped her fingers in frustration. “Hey Dashie, you got any ide-"

"UGH! Enough already, why do you keep getting us off track you annoying pink nutcase!?" Sunset shouted.

“I ask that question every time I talk with her and I still am no closer to finding out the answer,” I muttered to her.

"Oops, sorry about that Sunset,” Pinkie giggled before a stoic look of determination crossed her face. “But whatever we’re called, we’re going to help our friend, and there’s nothing you can do to stop us!” 

Once again it looked like Sunset was going to chip a tooth with all that grinding, but I couldn’t exactly blame her. Pinkie was persistent and there was no chance of getting her to leave now.

Maybe I should have waited to kind of forgive her? I thought in dread as I imagined her wasting all of our time till the very end where Luna would lead us to the gallows.

“How many times do I have to say it?!” Sunset seethed. “We. Don’t. Need. Your. Help!”

"I don't know Sunset,” Derpy spoke up, pulling on her sleeve. “I mean what if there’s more framers than what you, Me and Michael can handle? It couldn’t hurt.”

Sunset's head snapped towards Derpy as she growled out,

"Well if I wanted your opinion Derpy I would...have...."

For some reason Sunset slowly trailed off as Derpy let out an eep and hid behind a very disturbed looking Hindsight. Sunset blinked a few times at that before she let out a long, exhausted sigh.

"You know what, fine! Whatever! We could use the extra muscle anyway. Maybe Pie’s laughing will drive them insane,” Sunset grumbled out with a voice dripping in defeat as Derpy smiled.

Huh, looks like Derpy's become a weak spot for her...not that I'm one to talk either.

I wisely kept that thought in my head as Pinkie let out a squee and ran up the steps of Sunset's porch and grabbed both of Sunset’s hands.

"Oh I knew there was still some niceness left somewhere in your dark heart Sunny! We are going to make the bestest mystery solving team ever!"

"First off, don't touch me," Sunset growled as she shoved Pinkie off of her before continuing, "And secondly don’t call me Sunny like we’re friends. You’re a tool and a pawn, nothing more.”

Pinkie just gave Sunset a cheery grin as she said with a mock salute,

"Whatever you say Sunset! Let's catch those nasty perps!" 

"I'm staying too," Rainbow said with a similar look of determination that Pinkie had, causing Sunset and I to groan.

God damn it, Rainbow no! Just let the situation end!

“Of course…” Sunset sighed and shook her head. “Still the same lemmings, following sugar high here when she willingly jumps off a cliff repeatedly.”

“Better than following you again…” Rainbow said tersely, and the both of them glared intently.

Again? I wondered briefly, but Rainbow continued.

“But even if Pinkie wasn’t here, even if it weren’t for Mike’s sake, I’d still like to get back at whatever jerk messed with our Wondercolt and maybe teach them a lesson or two,” she said with a cocky smile while cracking her knuckles.

“You know, if you keep doing that, you’re gonna have really bad arthritis in the future,” I warned with a roll of my eyes at the stereotypicalness of her attitude.

“Pfft! That’s just an old wife’s tale,” she waved off as I facepalmed. With a glance back at Derpy, Sunset sighed again.

“Fine, you can help punch them. But I get the first shot got it?!”

"Deal,” Dash said without hesitation.

Oh great, both of them pointed at a common enemy. Felonies are definitely being committed soon, I thought with dread.

“Great!” Pinkie cheered happily before we all looked to Rarity who just chuckled nervously. She had walked back over to Rainbow's car during the last few confrontations, and looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Oh no, you don't have to worry about me Darling. While I would love to see the scoundrels behind this heinous act brought to justice, being a detective isn't my style. I think I'll just have Rainbow take me home while you all bring these ruffians to justice."

"Oh come on Rares!" Rainbow exclaimed, "You’re telling me you don't want to give these jerks a piece of your mind?"

"I'm afraid not Darling, getting rough with some hooligans just isn't my thing,” she said with a shake of her head. 

“Awww, but you said you’d help Mikey as well Rarity,” Pinkie pouted.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d be willing to help a friend of a friend Pinkie…but having to cooperate with someone like Sunset Shimmer is…” She didn’t have to finish that thought, because they all understood the implications.

“Heh, leave it to the hypocritical premadonna to bail out as soon as things get rough,” Sunset taunted.

"And what, exactly, do you mean by that?" Rarity demanded with hollow, dangerous eyes.

Sunset lazily looked at her nails as she dully said,

"Oh nothing, just that a prissy girl like you wouldn't dream of getting her pretty little hands dirty even if it meant catching the culprits who messed with our schools precious mascot."

"Oh it! Is! On!" Rarity growled out as she stomped towards Sunset's back towards porch, "A lady of my class will not stand aside while her honor is insulted by someone like you! Count me in on your little culprit hunt, and I'll show you just how willing I am to get my hands 'dirty!'”

“Hooray!” Pinkie cheered as she hugged her friend. As she did so, I caught a faint glimpse of a sly grin cross Sunset’s lips.

What? You goaded her into this? But why? I know you don’t want them around just as much as I don’t. Do you already have a plan Condiment Head?

Shrugging my shoulders and shelving that thought for later as I made my way up Sunset's porch steps, Rainbow following right behind me as I said,

“Alright, that may have taken like three days to get settled, but we’re all on the same page now. But since it’s our butts on the line, Shimmer and I are in charge okay?”

“Of course,” Pinkie said happily.

“As if there was any doubt,” Sunset rolled her eyes as she got her keys out of her pocket. "First I'm setting the ground rules for entering my home, then we can see which Crystal Prep snobs are getting a very unwelcomed visit from yours truly."

"CRYSTAL PREP!?" Pinkie, Rainbow and Rarity all yelped at the same time with wide eyes, nearly blowing out my eardrums.

"Oh right, you girls are going to love this. I'll tell you once Sunset finishes explaining the 'laws' of her castle."







"Those backstabbing bitches!" Rainbow shouted as she paced back and forth in the kitchen. In order to save precious time that had already been wasted on them, Sunset had revised her commandments to just one. Nobody went into her room period, though Derpy was an exception apparently because she had to help drag the evidence board down for the others. And while they did that, I gave the rest of them the rundown, and needless to say, they were less than pleased.

"I knew those Dazzlings were trouble, but even I didn't think they would stoop so low as to let someone take the fall for someone from Crystal Prep," Rarity said with a dazed look, yet still somehow sounding sophisticated.

I wonder if that's natural or if she had to train her voice to constantly sound like that?

"Are you kidding me!? They just broke the number one rule of the whole school! If they think they can get away with this scot free then they've got another thing coming!" Rainbow angrily growled out, looking like a rabid chihuahua.

“If Sunset and I go down, then yes, they will get off scot free and even get a parade because of their blackmail scheme,” I nodded as I tightened a knot around the chair armrest.

“Well we’re definitely not going to let that happen,” Pinkie said with conviction. “Those meanies at Crystal Prep are gonna be in sooo much trou-Oof! Hey Mikey, that one was a little tight!”

“I know,” I said without care as I finished the last of the knots securing Pinkie Pie to the chair. “But don’t whine, you’ll have enough blood flow and stuff.”

After securing the pink haired walking disaster per Sunset’s suggestion, Rarity seemed more than a little disturbed.

"Are you absolutely sure the rope is neces-"

"Yes!" Sunset interrupted as she came down the steps with Derpy. “The last thing I need is her running around my house breaking stuff!”

“Yeah, and I really don’t need Sunset going away for murder right on the cusp of proving our innocence,” I played devil’s advocate, helping her set up the evidence board. Not much was changed on it, besides the fact that Hindsight's picture was now on there along with the Dazzling's picture being moved off to the side with a Crystal Prep logo taking their place in the prime suspect circle.

“Well even so, you have to admit this is kind of a strange scene if someone were to see,” she muttered and I rolled my eyes. 

"Oh it’s okay Rares!” Pinkie reassured. “It's kinda like we're playing a game and I'm the hostage telling the secrets of my organization to the enemy! Now quickly, someone start tickling me so I start giving out the secrets to the perfect gingerbread house!"

“…Is this not the first time you’ve been tied up?” I asked a bit weirded out and she smirked at me.

“Who knows? The only way I’ll tell is through torture!” she giggled and I backed up from her.

“…Kind of regretting I didn’t let you grab that straight jacket you mentioned,” Sunset muttered to me, equally weirded out.

“Why do you have that again?” asked Derpy.

“For this exact kind of scenario! It’s not weird!” I defended.

“EEEP!” we were all broken out of our discussion by the Flubber-esque cry that came from Hindsight as Rainbow glowered over him by the sink.

"And you!" Hindsight let out a eep of fear as he held his laptop up like a shield while Rainbow continued to growl out, "You actually let those Dazzle traitors do this just so you could score some date with Aria Blaze?!”

Hindsight gulped slightly before he stuttered out,

"W-Well when you pu-put it like that..."

"Alright Rainbow, reign it in and save it for the Dazzlings, Hindsight knows he screwed up, no need to add any salt to the wounds,” I said in a calming tone.

Rainbow let out a huff of angry air as she stormed over to Rarity and plopped down in the seat next to her.

“Mr. Bacon is right Rainbow Dash, there’s no point in harassing another for their gullibility,” Rarity soothed patting Dash’s back in an attempt to calm her down. Hindsight winced at that totally accurate statement before looking at me with gratitude.

"Th-thanks Michael," he sighed as his shoulder’s relaxed.

"Don't get too comfy man, I'm still pissed at you too,” I warned giving him a glare which ended his momentary feelings of peace. “So you better get to setting up that drone audio before I let Rainbow at ya.”

"R-right! I'll get right on that!" he stuttered as he set the laptop on the island counter and plugged his SD card into it.

“Oh hey Sunset, maybe we could bring your speakers down and plug them into his laptop for better audio?” Derpy suggested sweetly and Hindsight looked up at that.

“Oh, you have a speaker set up?” he asked with intrigue. “That actually would allow us to-“

“No! We’re not using them! It took us forever to set them up perfectly yesterday and I’m not going through that again!” she shot down and he winced.

“Er-Alright, alright, sorry,” he apologized and went back to his screen. At Derpy’s pout though, Sunset grimaced and shook her head.

“It wasn’t a bad idea, but it’s not…really convenient right now,” she excused and Derpy nodded, accepting the answer.

“Wow it’s strange to see her act like that,” Pinkie murmured and Sunset’s head snapped to her.

“What was that?!”

“I said, ‘Wow that’s strange, what is that?’” she gestured with her head out the kitchen sliding door towards the backyard.

“I believe that’s a step ladder Pinkie,” Rarity answered.

“LADDER! It’s just a ladder! No adjective is needed!” I shouted and they all looked at me funny.

“That was…” Rarity trailed off and Sunset sighed.

“Yeah I know, don’t even try to change his mind,” she shook her head.

“Okay, but why is that, er, thing going into your neighbor’s yard?” asked Derpy.

“Cause it’s quicker for him to get here than going around the block,” she answered and her eyes widened.

“Wait, Michael, that’s your house?” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Where do you think I went to drop my bag off when we got here?”

“Oh…huh, I guess that does make more sense,” the wall eyed girl agreed.

“Hold on a second here, you two are neighbors?” Rainbow asked snapping a bit out of her rage stupor.

“Unfortunately,” both me and Sunset said at the same time before looking at one another incredulously for the jinx.

“You didn’t know that Dashie?” Pinkie asked with a quirked brow. “Didn’t you recognize the back of Mikey’s house?”

“No, because I haven’t been back there.”

“Really?”

“Pinkie, you’re the only one who’s broken into my house from multiple entrances,” I scoffed. “And I find it creepy that you knew that that was my house with barely any details.”

“Eh, what can I say, it’s a gift,” she tried to shrug, but my ropes kept her from doing so.

“And you wonder why I avoid you guys,” I rolled my eyes, before making my way to the fridge. “Hey Condiment Head, you got any root beer left?”

"No Chicken Sauce, you drank all of them last night,” she scolded.

“Oh, right,” I said, remembering chugging a few down after she and I returned from our meeting with Sonata and planned out how to confront Hindsight. 

“Wait a second, you were here last night?” Rarity asked in surprise.

“Yeah, most of the evening really,” I answered absently looking through the fridge’s contents.

“…And there’s a ladder connecting your yards?” she said slowly.

“Yes! We’ve been over this!” Sunset said in exasperation.

"Yeah, get with the times Rarity,” I scolded before my eyes lit with delight. “Oh sweet, Cherry Coke!”

“What?! No! The root beer was one thing, but not the Coke!” Sunset grunted, but I ignored her and cracked it open.

“Oops, my finger slipped. Better not let it go to waste,” I said in mock innocence as I started to drink. 

“Oh screw you you wiry little weasel!” she huffed as she immediately reached around me and grabbed another can before I could get to it.

“Rather be a weasel than a hoarding pack rat,” I smirked as I took a sip.

"Bastard,” she insulted while pounding back her drink.

"Bitch,” I replied nonchalantly.

“Er… you two aren’t going to fight right now are you?” asked a nervous Derpy.

“Or, you know, something else?” Rarity asked with an insinuating tone.

Something else? I wondered briefly.

“Nah,” Sunset answered and walked away from me to the pantry. “If I fought him over all of his dickish ways, then we’d never get anything done.”

“I…I see…” Rarity said with narrowed suspicious eyes for some reason.

“Now, I’ve got some cookies and mixed nuts, you want anything fancier, you order it yourself!” Sunset declared.

“Oh boy, cookies!” Pinkie tried to bounce in her chair. “Dashie, toss them into my mouth like popcorn!”

“On second thought, no cookies,” Sunset changed her mind.

“Awwww,” Pinkie pouted.

"Okay, it’s uh, it’s ready,” Hindsight’s voice interrupted and we all looked to him. “I’m ready to play the audio when you are Ms. Shimmer.” 

"About time, hurry up and play it so we can figure out whose ass needs kicking."

Hindsight nodded his head nervously before pressing play on his laptop. Almost immediately the room was filled with sounds of leaves rustling in the wind. 

“So…tree people did this? Like Fluttershy’s hippie friend?” Pinkie asked dumbly and everyone shushed her.

“Just listen up, it’s coming…” Hindsight said as he looked at the timeline.

A few seconds later, a low, muffled voice was picked up, and god damn if the voice didn't sound very familiar.

"Honey, can you please hurry it up with those undergarments? I’ve gotten mustard on my new shirt."

Both mine and Sunset's eyes widened in recognition simultaneously at the haughty male tone.

Oh you have got to be fricking kidding me!

"Darling you know it takes time to knit perfection. Besides those peons at this school won't show up for a few more hours, we have plenty of time,” another familiar voice responded. 

"Yes, well even so I'd rather get this washed before it becomes permanent. Father will be most displeased with me if I sully this silk, even if it was in pursuit of putting those two hooligans back in their place.”

Sunset looked like she could barely hold back her rage, while I wasn't too far behind her as my fists started to shake.

“Are you sure it’s wise to single them out? A prank on all of the Canterlot Clowns is one thing, but-“

“Don’t worry about it my dear, the love birds are simply getting their just deserts. Now hurry along, this filthy horse doesn’t deserve your best.”

After that there were a few moments of silence before Hindsight spoke up once again,

"Before and after that most of the audio was corrupted so that's the best I could get. I hoped that hel-Yikes!" Hindsight suddenly recoiled in shock, upon seeing our faces. We were both bleeding killing intent with such an intensity that it looked like we were ready to murder someone. Two someone's really.

"Uh...Mikey? You okay?" Pinkie's concerned voice reached my ears, but I still seethed.

"THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT?!" Sunset bellowed as she dug her fingers into her scalp.

"Sheesh Shimmer, warn a girl before you start yelling!” Rainbow scolded, clutching her chest.

“Oh dear,” Rarity muttered as Derpy grabbed Hindsight by the shoulders and slowly walked him back as Sunset began to vibrate.

"My reputation! My perfect record with the teachers! My revenge against the Dazzlings! All of it is at risk, BECAUSE SOME RICH ASSHOLES COULDN'T HANDLE BEING BEATEN ONE GOD DAMN TIME!" she screamed in anguish, and I was surprised she didn’t flip the table. After that outburst though, she squeezed her eyes tight and began trying to calm her breathing down.

“Uh, Michael, you guys recognize the voices?" Derpy asked me tepidly.

"Yeah...” I growled low, crushing my empty soda can. “You remember that stupid video of me and her in the theatre?” 

Derpy nodded her head and Rarity's eyes widened in shock as she said,

"Wait, you don't mean those two were-"

"That moronic Crystal Prep couple from the video? Yeah, Ascot and Haughty Bitch,” I nodded as I sat up and walked to the evidence board.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me man!” Rainbow stood up from her chair. “These punks desecrated the Wondercolt because you got them kicked out of a movie?”

“Seems that way,” I grunted before looking to my fellow victim. “Sunset! Hey! What were those douchebag’s names?”

“I don’t know! All those upper class twits bleed into one entity for me!” she shot back as she huffed and puffed.

“It was Jet Set and Upper Crust if I remember correctly,” Rarity spoke up and I looked at her in surprise.

“You know them?”

“Well…more know of them,” she said sheepishly. “They’re acquaintances of Suri, so I’ve spoken with them before…not favorably I should add.”

“I wouldn’t think so,” I grumbled before I took out a pen and wrote their names in the prime suspect circle.

“I mean, I’ve done far worse and never had this kind of response! These twits are so petty!” Sunset still seethed. Through either shear bravery or stupidity, Derpy placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be alright, we know who it is now,” she said soothingly, and miracle of miracles, Sunset stopped panting as hard.

“Exactly,” Rainbow agreed. “And they are going to pay! Mike has been the school’s punching bag for a whole week because these jerks lost an argument they started!”

“That’s why Adagio felt confident in squeezing them for all they’re worth,” Hindsight said, a hint of guilt in his tone.

“With a motive this petty and utterly ridiculous, I should say that harlot could have them at her beck and call!” Rarity declared in outrage.

"Ridiculous? That's an understatement if I've ever heard one,” Sunset growled before she looked at me with a very malicious smile. “But they’re gonna regret messing with me. They’re going to wish they were blackmailed when we're done with them!"

“Oh definitely Condi, but we have to be smart about it too,” I pointed out. “Otherwise we’ll only be lashing out as we sink.”

“What are you two talking about? You’ve got the evidence, and you know who it is right? Why not take this to Vice Principal Luna tomorrow?” asked Derpy perplexed.

“Yeah, what she said Mikey,” Pinkie nodded. “You’ve got proof, so you shouldn’t hurt them on top of it.”

“But we don’t have good enough proof,” Sunset responded.

“Huh?” Rainbow gaped.

“We have about 20 seconds of choppy audio from some guy who can’t exactly prove his drone was where he said it was due to not coming forward immediately,” I said shooting a side glance at Hindsight. “Luna’s tits are being twisted by the school board, and they won’t believe just this audio, especially since it points to a school you all hate like a rival gang.”

“But it’s clearly the truth,” Rarity argued.

“The truth can be twisted every which way but loose. I know this all too well,” Sunset handwaved. “So no, we may recognize the voices, but others might not. We don’t have enough.”

“So where does that leave you guys? Taking revenge while you still get punished?” Rainbow asked at a loss.

“Oh hell no. We’ve still got three days Skittles,” I belittled. “And didn’t you notice the insane gleam in Condiment Head’s eye? She’s already got some ideas.”

“More like the outlines of a few ideas, but Chicken Sauce is right,” she nodded. “The only way we’re going to beat them, and give them some extra comeuppance, is if we get them to confess and for a wider audience to see it.”

“Heh, hit them with a viral video after that’s what started this whole mess…I like it,” I nodded with a smirk. “But how do we draw them out?”

“Remember what I said before about the skill for the tag?” she inquired.

“Yeah, you said it was expert level,” I answered.

“Exactly. And why would a rich boy have that much skill with spray paint, unless he was a part of a certain club that honed those talents?” she insinuated and my eyes widened in understanding.

“The Tagging Club…you think he’s got something in the exhibit?”

“Someone that stuck up and who loves to be the center of attention, there’s no doubt,” she nodded.

“Um, what do you guys know that we don’t?” asked Rainbow Dash and I looked at her right in the eye.

“We know where he’s going to be in two days,” I answered plainly.

“Really? Where?” asked Rarity, but it was Derpy who answered.

“Oh right, that Grafitti Art Competition thingy!” she chirped before looking to Sunset for assurance. “The one that our branch did the all nighter and proved they weren’t suspects right?”

“Exactly,” Sunset smiled back. “So we’ve got till then to set up a trap…”

"Yay espionage!" Pinkie suddenly cheered as she wrapped her arms around Derpy and Rainbow with a goofy smile.

There were a few moments of silence before I asked,

"Uh...how'd you get out of the rope Pinkie?"

Pinkie just smiled innocently and said nothing, leaving me both annoyed and genuinely afraid of the pink girl once more.








THE NEXT DAY


After another torturous day of school, we all got down to our prep work which we’d outlined the day before. Call it fortuitous, or just plain lucky, but Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Rarity all had access to something that would bring our plan to fruition.

“Pay attention snob! If you’re going to fool that Preppie Douche, then you have to feel as though my arm is yours! Pretend you’re the one holding the spray can.” Sunset ordered from my backyard next to a canvas.

“Ugh, is this all really necessary?” Rarity complained as she stood next to Sunset.

“Yes,” Sunset said plainly as she drew a red line down the canvas with her spray paint. “If you’re going to be claiming this piece as your own, you have to give off the impression of the work that went into it. Anyone could look at the finished project and nod, but between two artists, it’s important to know the process.”

“Would Jet Set even pick up on that?” Rarity huffed and Sunset glared her down.

“Okay, let’s look at it a different way. When you show off one of your dresses to another seamstress, don’t you chat them up with all the different material and stitching and what not?”

Rarity’s eyes became enlightened by that as she finally understood.

“I see, so painters are the same way, and if I just boasted without details they would smell something fishy.”

“Exactly,” Sunset nodded and went back to spraying. “So watch as I make this fading shadow. The key to doing this without excess drips is to hold it at an angle and to slowly but surely ease on the pressure.”

“Remarkable. To think that such detail could come out of a simple can…” Rarity beamed, finally getting into the spirit.

I observed all of this from my own kitchen as I pulled some pizza bagels out of the oven.

“You know, it’s really weird how in synch those two are getting despite hating each other’s guts,” I pondered aloud.

“I know what you mean,” Hindsight nodded as he watched the two painting as well. “For one thing, I don’t think anyone’s seen Shimmer being cooperative like this for a long time either.”

“Eh, mutual threat of annihilation and all of that,” I shrugged as I gathered a plate of the snacks and motioned for the skinny boy to follow me back to the living room.

“I don’t think it’s just that,” he said academically, sitting down on my couch.

“Well if there is more, it doesn’t matter, we’re all on the same page for saving my skin,” I waved off and sat on my recliner. “Now, let’s get back to this experiment.”

“I told you, I’m better at RPG’s than fighting games,” he complained as he picked up his controller and we started playing Tekken.

“Yeah, well those aren’t two players. Besides, everyone’s got their own fighter that they excel at, we just have to find yours.”

And just like we’d been doing for the last hour, we began playing videogames because our roles in the pre planning were over till the next night.

The plan we’d come up with was pretty ingenious, and quite devilish if I say so myself. The Tagging Club’s art competition would be hosting a viewing for the different district pieces. Through some internet sleuthing (stalking) we found out that our dear Jet Set had indeed entered a piece and would be attending. And then the conspiracy formed.

Because while the group piece deadlines had been the day Sunset and I had been framed, the individual entries were allowed right up until the day of the expo, and we just so happened to have an expert on tagging in our midst.

“AGH! My Shoe!” Rarity shrieked.

“I told you not to stand there!” Sunset groaned.

“I really hope her acting is good because I doubt the only time she’s ever touched paint is on her fingernails,” I rolled my eyes.

“I guess, but why even claim it’s Rarity since Sunset already knows so much?” Hindsight asked.

“Because while Condiment Head may be an expert, her temper is as fiery as her hair. Also, the last thing Ascot is going to do is confess to one of the people he framed. Since Rarity can speak snooty, he might let his guard down when she pushes him.”

“Oh…I guess that makes sense,” he relented before wincing as I once again KO’d his character.

Since the fashionista had passing knowledge of our target, she’d been chosen to be our point woman in getting Jet Set to spill the beans. We would have her gush about the painting that would be entered under her name, and subtly argue with Jet Set till he fell into our trap.

“Wait a minute, the imprint and outline from your foot just gave me an idea!” Sunset said in elation.

“Oh well bully for you! These were designer brand I’d happened to get on a generous sale and-Ooh, that is interesting,” Rarity flip flopped and me and him shared a perplexed glance.

“…Well, at least it isn’t Pinkie Pie being shown the ropes,” I shrugged and started a new game.

“Oh she knows how to paint…just not artsy types though,” Hindsight defended weakly as he reluctantly chose another character.

Speaking of Pinkie, she was out right now handling her part of the plan. When we’d talked about capturing the confession on video and uploading it, Pinkie Pie had pointed out one major flaw. None of us had enough of a following to make a video go viral overnight.

“Wait, do YOU seriously not have internet followers?” I’d asked dumbfounded and she’d only smiled and shook her head.

“Nope, aside from sending out party invitations…I don’t really upload videos…”

That had surprised the hell out of me, since I figured someone as energetic and in your face as her would be vlogging about every single meal she ate.

“But there is someone in school who does have that kind of clout…” she’d said conspiratorially.

“I just hope that DJ chick agrees to go to the art show. From the videos I’ve seen from her, it doesn’t seem to be her jam,” I expressed with a bit of worry.

“Oh don’t worry about that, Vinyl got a lot of her gigs from Pinkie Pie, so there’s no doubt she’ll agree,” he reassured but I still scrunched my face up.

“And yet again, more weird names. Vinyl Scratch? That’s got to be an alias right?”

“Oh no, her stage name is DJ PON3.”

“I just…what is up with the names in Canterlot man? Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Upper Crust, these aren’t normal names! Why did your parents name you Hindsight?” I demanded and he flinched back.

“I don’t know, why did your parents call you Michael?” he countered.

“Because it’s a normal damned name! Ugh!” I grunted in exasperation, letting my guard down and allowing him to actually win a round.

“Hey, I did it!” he cheered and I rolled my eyes.

“That was a fluke, we’re playing Soul Caliber now.”

“Awwww,” he whined as I changed the games, but he continued playing despite his protests.

When it came to Hindsight, he had found a layout of the building where the art would be displayed with his freaky computer skills that I didn’t even pretend to understand, but other than that, he didn’t have much else to do until the day of the ambush came. Neither did I for that matter, which is why I was kind of unofficially watching over him. If the Dazzlings had found out that we’d gotten him to switch sides, then our plan would have fallen apart. So at the behest of a very convincing Sunset, he had called in sick. To avoid potentially curious inquiries from Adagio, after school Rainbow had ferried him to my house. 

Speaking of Rainbow, even she had more to do than I did. Since she was loud, boisterous, and all around stupid enough to do so, she was currently taunting Crystal Prep students in person, boasting about how ‘Canterlot High’s art was going to kick their’s asses,’ or something like that. The main purpose of this was to rile the rich kids’ up, and to hype up Rarity’s entry. Using her name, the info would spread amongst her “acquaintances’ there and surely reach Jet Set.

If it were anyone else, I’d be certain they’d get their asses beat, I shuddered, remembering how eagerly she volunteered for that task.

“Oh, marvelous darling! It gives the impression that it’s shining like diamonds!” Rarity cooed from outside.

“Well if those jerks are gonna believe you made this, it’s best to give it some credibility. You’re all about shining jewels,” Sunset replied humbly. 

“I still can’t believe you agreed to let them paint in your backyard,” he said.

“Agreed is one word for it,” I sighed, remembering how adamantly Sunset pushed me into allowing it, since my yard only had dirt, while hers was full of grass and plants that her parents would get upset if they got paint on them.

“Well even still, she asked first. Usually she just demands and goes ahead no matter what you say,” he pointed out.

“Yeah…she is acting a bit differently this last week,” I nodded. “Could just be the stress getting to her.”

“I don’t know,” he disagreed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was acting how she used to. Back before that incident last year.”

“I keep hearing about that. Some vague event that changed everything last year that nobody’s willing to really explain. What happened?” I inquired and he stiffened at that and frowned.

“A lot of things happened that day, and not everyone knows all the exact details. But one of the big things that happened is that Sunset showed her true colors.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“Well…she didn’t used to be all mean and nasty. She used to be all nice and happy and always smiling because she was the most popular girl in school,” he explained.

“Condiment Head used to smile all the time? For real?” I gaped and he nodded.

“Mmhmm…but then on that day, everything changed. She publicly broke up with Flash Sentry, started revealing secrets people had told her, and then of course the worst thing…” he narrated.

“Which was…?” I pushed and he looked me dead in the eye.

“She made Pinkie cry,” he said plainly.

“…What?!”

“Yup,” he nodded. “After that, we all knew exactly what kind of person she was. The pretty popular girl was all just a façade.”

“Are you freaking kidding me? That’s the big event?!” I exclaimed as my brain began to hurt.

“Part of it,” he nodded.

“But…I…If you all cared about Pinkie that much, then why the hell does no one go after the Dazzlings?” I asked at a loss.

“Simple, they’ve never made her cry directly,” he explained.

“What?!”

“A lot of us in school know that they’re not exactly the nicest, but they’ve never hurt Pinkie.”

“The hell they haven’t! Remember that party a few weeks ago where I got feathered? That was Pinkie’s party! They hijacked it from her and no one cared! She even called me on the phone sounding on the verge of tears afterward!” I growled, causing him to sink back further in the couch in fear.

“W-Well…I wasn’t there you see, but uh…there’s a reason for-“

“How come they get a free pass for that?!” I demanded and he gulped.

“Because…their aggression was at you, and not Pinkie Pie,” he said and my eye twitched.

“And that means?”

“Uh…not a lot of people like you,” he admitted and I frowned. “I mean, the very first day you showed up, you made Pinkie cry, and not everyone was quick to forgive that.”

“Oh for-UGH!” I pulled at my hair and turned away from him. “Those are some stupid ass semantics right there!”

“Yeah, but it’s how a lot of people feel,” he continued. “And unlike Sunset, they don’t fear you because you stick to yourself. That’s why they were so quick to believe you were guilty.”

“Well, I guess despite that fear, they’ll take any excuse they can get to throw her and me under the bus,” I rolled my eyes.

“…A lot of people have wanted to do that to Sunset especially since last year,” he continued in a frank voice and I looked to him. “You made Pinkie cry for sure, but everyone knows that Sunset did far worse when she did it.”

“Because she openly did it instead of trying to decline an unwanted friendship?” I guessed and he scrunched his face a bit.

“There was that, but it’s also because of the betrayal factor.”

“Betrayal?” I asked and he looked at me inquisitively.

“You didn’t know?” he asked.

“Know what?” I asked gruffly.

“They used to be friends.”

I stared at him, not even trying to hide the shock on my face at that statement.

“…You’re kidding.”

“No, not at all,” he admitted.

“Pinkie and Shimmer?” I asked in disbelief.

“That’s right,” he nodded. “And the rest of them too. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, all of them were a squad since middle school. They all drifted apart before the incident, but Pinkie was the last to stick around.”

“I…that…that just doesn’t fit…” I said as my mind was blown, imagining Shimmer getting along with the walking headaches.

“What, you never noticed that they’re the ones beside you that are the most hostile to her?”

“I…Huh…” I thought back to their words and attitude about her and how it differed from the other sheep. “I guess my apathy just didn’t register that.”

“Yeah, well, there you go,” he shrugged as we began another match. “After the blow up, the dynamics in the school hierarchy changed, and then Twilight Sparkle came and Pinkie’s group kind of took her in as a replacement Sunset you could say.”

“Alright, I got to ask, why do you know so much about this?”

“Huh?” he said taken aback.

“You’re just a computer club geek right? How come you know so much about the inner workings of the school cliques?”

“It’s not like it’s not common knowledge,” he pointed out. “Literally everyone in school knows this except for you because you don’t talk to anyone.”

“Yeah, and for good reason, it wasn’t any of my damn business, and two I didn’t care,” I scoffed.

“But, I mean, you’re kind of in the middle of it now,” he responded and I sighed.

“Because I got dragged kicking and screaming into this mess. If Pinkie had just left me alone that day and let me read my Manga, I’d just be a fly on the wall.”

“I mean more because you’re dating Sunset now, and you should really know all the baggage,” he chuckled and I looked at him with a blank stare.

“The fact that I can’t tell if you’re joking or not really hurts my soul man,” I deadpanned and he smirked.

“I’m just saying, the way the two of you go at it sounds like the bickering of an old married couple,” he laughed and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, well that old stereotype is assuming the married couple hate each other’s guts, and that’s what it is, mutual hatred,” I explained. “We’re stuck working together because ‘Enemy of my enemy’ logic, but once this is all over, things will go back to normal. Her trying and failing to bully me, and me pissing her off by throwing her failures in her face.”

“…The way you say that so coldly and with certainty is disturbing you know?” he said with a pitying glance.

“Because I’m a realist, and optimism is more of a suggestion than anything else,” I waved off and he frowned.

“You know, if you were a more friendly person, you would be the envy of most of the school,” he shook his head in disappointment.

“Ha! Me? Yeah right,” I dismissed as I knocked his character out of the arena.

“It’s true,” he insisted. “For crying out loud, the short time you’ve been here you’ve constantly been surrounded by some of the prettiest girls in school! Not to mention you’re next door neighbors with Sunset Shimmer and have access to her house.”

“Yeah? Well guess what buddy, that hasn’t exactly worked out well for me now has it?” I argued with a scowl. “And I thought you all hated Condiment Head?”

“Well yeah, but she’s still like in the top five,” he defended and I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Hindsight, buddy, you’re a smart guy right? Maybe you should start thinking with your bigger head more often?” I insulted and he scowled. “The only reason you’re wrapped up in this is because you idiotically thought you could score with Blaze after all.”

“Yeah, well…She’s hot,” he defended weakly, not meeting my eyes.

“That’s a lame excuse and you know it,” I scolded. “Look, I can admit that Blaze has got some legs for sure, Hell I can admit that the other Rejects, Pinkie and her friends and even Shimmer are attractive, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to be rid of them. A shiny sports car looks nice on the outside, but inside it could have rotten torn seats, sticky floors and garbage lying all around.”

“I know what you’re getting at, but come on man, look at me! Girls aren’t exactly lining up outside my door like they do for you, so I’d take any opportunity I could get,” he said pitifully.

“Again man, think more with your brain. Accepting an impossible dating offer from the school mafia is dumb no matter who you are.”

“Yeah, yeah I know…” he said guiltily and looked down. “I know I messed up and I’m beating myself for it…but I am just a guy.”

“That’s another lame excuse,” I scolded.

“Yeah I know, but come on. Haven’t you ever done something stupid for a girl?”

“Hurry up Mikey, he’s looking the other way, put it in your pocket.”

My hands clenched tighter around my controller making it creak as her voice echoed in my mind.

“No.” I answered tersely as I looked back at the TV. 

“I, uh…Okay,” he gulped noticing my change in demeanor.

We played a few more rounds in silence, and he was no better at this fighting game than the last. But even still, I took no enjoyment from it as my mood had soured.

“I’m getting a drink. You pick the next game,” I grunted as I stood up and went into the kitchen.

“…Okay,” he said sounding a bit dejected. “Sorry…”

Sighing, I poured myself a glass of water and looked out at Sunset and Rarity as they created whatever passed for art. The both of them looked…carefree, as if they were enjoying themselves.

“Hi Sunset, Hi Rarity! Wow, that’s coming along nicely” a bubbly voice interrupted them as Derpy’s head appeared over my fence.

“Oh hey Derpy,” Sunset greeted. “And thanks. It’s gonna need a lot more touches, but it’s going to look amazing.”

“That it is,” Rarity nodded before holding the ladder as the blonde girl climbed over. “And hello Ms. Do, I take it you were successful then?” Rarity asked.

“You betcha! Mr. Distorted said he’d be happy to come along and see it all go down!” she said excitedly.

“Awesome!” Sunset said energetically. “But he is a loose cannon, so you’ve got to make sure you keep him in line tomorrow night alright?”

“Roger that!” Derpy saluted and began to giggle, which caused the other two to laugh as well.

There’s that laugh of hers again, I thought absentmindedly as I stared at the try-hard “bully”. What Hindsight had said, about her being friends with Pinkie and the others, for a moment I could believe that. She looked comfortable and non-aggressive around them…

But she showed her true colors before, I thought coldly as I downed my water. People don’t change, they just adapt to ensure their social standing. When this is all over, they’ll be back at each other’s throats, because that’s how people are.

Frowning, I left the false scene in front of me and walked back into the living room, knowing that the only real change that would occur after all this would be whether or not I was still a student at Canterlot High.


THE NEXT DAY, PONYVILLE ART CENTER


“Where is that bastard? It’s been hours already!” Sunset seethed beside me.

All of us had arrived early to ensure we had the best positions in which to take Jet Set down, and for me and Sunset that meant hiding outside one of the windows in the bushes. After a lot of deliberation and debate, it was the only option that made sense since we were social pariahs to any other Canterlot High Students, and the last thing we wanted was for Ascot to see us and clam up. Still, that meant Sunset and I were hunkered down essentially playing hide and seek for hours with nothing to do.

“He’ll come, his social image demands it,” I said as I read some manga on my phone.

“Well he better do it quick, I don’t know how much longer the psycho can keep the DJ here,” she bit at her nails.

I looked through the window at that at said DJ, with her electric blue and white hair and her large sunglasses that hid her eyes, and saw her look at her watch.

“Oh, but Vinyl, look at this one!” Pinkie said desperately as she pointed at a canvas that just had the word “Crab” spray painted on it. Judging from her posture, the internet personality was not amused.

“Heh heh heh…” Pinkie chuckled nervously and sent a worried look in our direction.

“Ugh! Some of these entries aren’t even REAL art, of course she’s gonna be bored!” Sunset warbled with worry as she clutched at her hair.

“Just calm down and be quiet, we might miss Dash’s cue if you babble over it,” I warned and she began to breathe harder.

Rainbow Dash, after successfully stirring the pot to some yuppies the day before, was now in her car in the parking lot, waiting to blast her horn the minute King Douche showed up.

“If he doesn’t come, then this whole thing was a waste, we failed, game over,” she hyperventilated.

“Panicking right now won’t make him show up faster Condiment Head, so take a deep breath and-“

“I can’t afford to lose!” she yelped and I couldn’t help but flinch at her tone, mostly because the desperation outshined the anger. "I can't afford not to catch this prick! Do you know what my parent's will do to me if I get blamed for this!? They could disown me, or force me to move schools! I can't afford any of that Bacon!"

Whoa...this is sudden, I thought nervously as she began to have a meltdown in front of me. I, uh, I can’t let her break down now. What if she has a seizure or something and ruins our spot? How do I stop this?!

“I just…I just can’t lose. This is all I have left after last year! I’ll be nothing if we fail and-“ She gasped in surprise as I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Look Sunset," my mouth started to say, words spilling out of it before I could think them through, "This guy has to show up with how big a jerk he is. He’s gonna be here soon and then we’re gonna get our proof, okay? And once we do, you can kick him in the balls for good measure to celebrate, sound good?!”

My tone was far from convincing, and more of a plea as I wanted to stop her before the tears came, and she just looked at me with lost confused eyes.

What the hell am I saying?! I’m no optimist! Maybe he did just decide not to come and we’ve bet everything on a losing hor-

"Really?" Once again the sad and desperate Sunset from Luna's office appeared before me, and this time there was no telling myself that I was just seeing things.

Uh, sure, if that helps?

"Really,” I said, trying to make my tone more confident. “We’re going to get through this and rub it in the Dazzling’s faces. And when you make rich boy a eunuch, I’ll personally make sure no one’s recording so you can't get charged for assault! Hell, I might just join in with you. Trust me, this plan is going to work."

She continued to look at me with those probing eyes for a few heartbeats…and then suddenly she was smiling. A normal, natural smile, that took me completely off guard. I daresay it could be called cute, even if it was on someone usually so mean.

"Thanks Michael...I needed that,” she said in gratitude, letting out a huge sigh of relief.

“Uh, y-yeah, no problem,” I stuttered awkwardly, quickly removing my hand from her shoulder. “I, uh…yeah, we’re not going to lose. I-“

*HONK*

A loud car horn sounded from the parking lot and we both jolted from that strange moment.

"That's the signal from Rainbow, he’s here!" I said in startlement.

"Just like you said,” she smirked before her eyes took on a hard edge. “And there he is…" Walking out of an honest to god limousine was the man of the hour, dressed up in a suit that probably cost more than one of my consoles.

“And there he is,” I repeated as I sent a message out to Rarity, Pinkie, Derpy and Hindsight.

“Oh, it looks like he’s here Mr. Distorted,” Derpy’s voice suddenly said very closely next to the window we were hiding by.

“Ha! Of course he is! Though it is a shame that it broke up the awkward hormonal tension,” said our crazy teacher before his smiling face suddenly filled the window which caused us to jerk back. “It’s show time kiddies…” And with a wink, he danced away from the window in his strange purple ensemble and beret with Derpy and Hindsight following in his wake.

Even in a room full of colorful art, he stood out, and that was the point. He was to distract the organizers of the contest until the prime opportunity when Jet Set hung himself out to dry. It also helped that the organizers themselves were part of the School Board, so while he got his jollies off annoying them, they would also bear witness and be recorded doing so by him. Also, it had the benefit of catching Scratch’s eye enough to start vlogging.

“…I sure hope he isn’t the one to screw everything up,” I murmured.

“Agreed,” Sunset nodded before she looked back to the approaching enemy. “Damn it. His girlfriend isn’t with him.”

I bit my lip at that as I saw no heads or tails of his prissy lady.

“Damn,” I cursed. “But still, he’s the artist with the knowhow. We only need him tonight for this to work.”

She nodded in agreement at this as he entered the venue, and we looked in on the scene. Rarity adjusted her fancy red dress, adjusting the microphone under it that Hindsight had provided. Pinkie Pie led the DJ towards where Sunset’s painting was, giving her a good view of Mr. D’s shenanigans, and the coming confrontation hopefully, and Derpy and Hindsight stealthily recorded video from Mr. D’s side.

The minute Jet Set walked in, no one seemed to notice since they were too focused on Mr. D loudly speaking about kumquats and the importance of the cream corn diet. He seemed displeased at the conversation, and immediately made a bee line towards his piece of art, which was a tag of a crystalline mountain, with the words, Vox Victoria stylized throughout it.

Wasting no time, Rarity looked to us at the window, nodded, and made her way towards him.

“Here we go,” I whispered to Sunset as we both put in an earphone in to listen to Rarity’s conversation.

“Jet Set, darling, is that you?” she called out and the jerk turned to her.

“Ah, Ms. Rarity, I’d heard you were going to be at this event,” he said with a slight grimace, no doubt remembering Rainbow’s boasting from the day before. “But color me impressed, I had no idea that you had skill in graffiti as well as fashion.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say I have too much skill,” she said in fake humbleness. “But it is a fascinating field.”

“Ah yes, the ability to create perfection with something so crass and pedestrian as a spray can,” he agreed with arrogance. “Take my work for instance.”

“Oh, it’s lovely darling. The way you’ve weaved the words with the background so seamlessly without any smudges or runs. Truly a masterpiece,” she praised and he smiled with that ego boost.

“And another thing! When are the tater tots getting brought back?!” Mr. D’s exclamation interrupted the two.

“We’ve been over this Distorted, they aren’t a healthy-“

“Bah! Who cares about health? It’s all about taste you cardboard munchers! You know how bothersome it is to teach when all those little monsters’ stomaches start gurgling despite having already eaten?!”

“Oh for, Mr. D, just shut up,” Sunset groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“He does have a point,” I conceded. “Trust me, I went to a school that went “Healthy and Vegetarian” for a bit. Stupid Health Nut Hippies…”

“I must say, such a deplorable and unsightly old man is an eye sore,” Jet Set scoffed, sounding extremely offended. “He’s not from your little backwards of a “school” is he Ms. Rarity?”

“Uh…No, I think he’s from Chaging Lives,” she lied nervously.

“Ah, that makes more sense. There’s plenty of those miserable cockroaches here with their “art.” It’s hard to go much lower than your pitiful compatriots, but they’ve found a way,” he said hautily and Rarity’s fists clenched.

“Quite so…” she held back a growl before coughing into her hand. “But any way Jet, I would love for you to see my entry.”

“Hmm, I suppose I could spare the time to look,” he said as if his time was a gift.

“Right this way then,” she gestured and led him towards Sunset’s painting. “So Jet, I couldn’t help but notice Upper Crust wasn’t here?”

“Sadly not. She had to attend to some bothersome class project with Suri,” he said sounding a little miffed before his demeanor changed. “But that’s alright, I still ended up having a beautiful woman by my side tonight.”

Rarity started and me and Sunset shared a disturbed look at that.

“Oh Jet dear, you flatterer,” the fashionista attempted to play it off, but this only caused him to double down.

“I only speak the truth after all,” he smarmed. “In fact, do you have any plans later or-“

“And here is my tag!” Rarity interrupted, pretending to not have heard that insinuation.

“Yeesh, this guy’s not only a douche bag, he’s a scumbag as well,” I said in disgust.

“Well at the very least, we’ve got him recorded flirting with another girl,” Sunset said with equal disgust. “We can ruin him even more with this.”

“Agreed,” I nodded as we looked back on our target as he reviewed the piece of art.

“I…see…” he said a bit stiltedly as he looked over it. 

Bathed in yellow and reds, with the words “Never Forget” across it, was a depiction of the stupid horse statue, with the graffiti on it made to look like wounds.

“Yes, surely you must have heard of how those ruffians Michael Bacon and Sunset Shimmer debased our precious mascot?” Rarity said with false ingnorance.

“Oh I have indeed,” he said with barely contained glee. “Though it’s not surprising, being surrounded by ilk such as them and all. You should really consider transferring to our esteemed school Ms. Rarity.”

“Oh Canterlot’s not so bad,” Rarity dismissed. “And really, despite such a heinous act, Mr. Bacon and Ms. Shimmer do have quite the talent.”

“…Excuse me?” he said losing some bravado.

“I’m sure you can’t see in my own strokes of the Wondercolt’s wounds, but the mess they made was actually expertly done,” she continued and we could see him tense up at that.

“Expertly done? Pfah!” he scoffed, raising his voice. “I’ve seen the photographs. The childish depictions, the uneven splatterings, and of course the ridiculous undergarments. It was as if it were done by a monkey!”

“Oho but that’s where you’re wrong Mr. Set,” she countered and he eyed her dangerously. “I examined the Wondercolt myself, and in my opinion as a Tagger, it was too messy. Deliberately so even.”

“You…you don’t say?” he stuttered.

“Of course. I daresay they intentionally made it look bad on purpose, just to make the desecration all that more impactful,” she continued before pursing her lips. “Such a shame that such expertise is wasted on those with such hate in their hearts.”

“Expertise? Those two hooligans?!” he yelped in outrage.

“Yes I know,” she sighed. “Hard to believe that they are so talented. But even when doing their worst, even I can admit that they outshine us all.”

“WHAT?!” he exclaimed as his face went red like it did at the theatre.

“Oh dear Jet, whatever is the matter?” she asked innocently.

“The fact that you even consider those simpleminded baboons to even be on the same level as me!” he shouted and Rarity frowned.

“Well, I never! Just because they are ruffians and come from Canterlot High doesn’t make them any less talented!”

“That’s exactly what it means! You’re no artiste in graffiti! You can only dream to be on my level! That’s why you spout such ignorant nonsense!” he insulted and Rarity balled her fists up.

“Oh, you want to take that tone with me? Fine, I was being polite earlier,” she hissed. “Bacon and Shimmer’s Wondercolt desecration outclasses your pitiful art by miles!”

“BAW!” he gasped in shock, and Rarity continued.

“Your work is quite pompous and egotistical and not even worthy of the side of a train car! It’s drab, uncultured, and soulless!”

"DRAB?! UNCULTURED?! Do not insult me! Did you not see the same horse as I did? How there were no dribbles or spills upon the floor? How steady each swipe of the can was to make that horse shine? It takes skill to make something look truly horrendous on purpose!" Jet Set growled out, his anger quickly getting the better of him without his girlfriend around to keep him in check. “Those walking wastes of air could never conceive of such brilliance!”

“So Shimmer and Bacon couldn’t have done it? Ha! You sound as though you were the one to paint it,” Rarity goaded.

"Of course I do! Because I did you simple minded giiiiiirrrrr…” he trailed off as he realized exactly what he just said.

“YES!” me and Sunset cheered in unison, pumping our fists in the air, holding onto each other’s shoulders and jumping up in down in glee.

We did it! we actually did it!

“Gotcha,” Rarity smirked at him and the color drained from his face.

“Uh, no one will believe you! You’re just-“

“Oh really now?” Mr. D. insinuated from behind him and Jet Set whirled around to see that he was surrounded by him, Pinkie, Vinyl, Hindsight, Derpy, all of whom had their phones up and recording. 

“I, uh…” he stammered.

“Word of advice kiddo, don’t start arguments with ladies in public. They draw more attention than the chaotic weirdoes,” Distorted smirked as he nodded his head to the two perplexed school board members who had witnessed the outburst.

“But-She-I…” he whipped his head around, sweat dripping from his brow.

“Congratulations darling, you played yourself,” Rarity mocked as she pulled the microphone from out of her cleavage.

“Boss defeated,” Derpy giggled.

“N-None of this will hold up in court!” he exclaimed in a frenzy.

“Court? Who said anything about that?” Pinkie alluded before turning back to the DJ. “Hey Vinyl, how many views have you got so far?”

Scratch didn’t say anything, only turned her phone screen around so everyone could see, and the last bit of blood drained out of Jet Set as his jaw dropped.

“I…”

“And in actuality, this could very well hold up in court since there are multiple witnesses and you yourself admitted to it,” Hindsight lectured matter of factly.

Faced with all of this, Jet Set booked it towards the front door.

Sunset and I looked at each other in silent agreement and ran to intercept him in the parking lot.

“This can’t be happening! I won’t allow it!” we came upon him mumbling and fiddling with his phone. “If Daddy hears about this-“

“He’ll what? Take away your ascot collection?” I insulted and he whipped around, dropping his phone.

“Or give you swift kick in the ass like he should have done years ago?” Sunset said with a satisfied malicious grin.

“You two!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, us two,” I nodded, elated in our victory.

“You set this whole thing up!” he accused angrily. “You insignificant peons! I will-“

“You’re gonna do nothing dickless,” Sunset said with authority as she causally walked forward, and kicked him in the balls.

“Oooohhhhhh,” he groaned as he fell to his knees in pain. As a fellow man, I winced in sympathy, but my satisfaction of seeing him in pain drowned it out.

“Oh god that felt good!” Sunset cheered in triumph.

“And not a camera in sight,” I said smugly before leaning down over his gasping form. “Next time, don’t mess with their stupid horse. They hate it…” And to add insult to injury, I took out the ketchup and mustard bottles in my bag, and drizzled them over his fancy suit. Still incapable of speech, he just whimpered, holding his pride.

“Chicken Sauce and Condiment Head send their regards bitch!” Sunset laughed aloud, which got me going as well as we stood over our defeated foe. The two of us then ran full sprint, laughing in victory the whole way, to Rainbow Dash’s car and hopped in.

“I saw the video! We did it!” she exclaimed happily as she turned the car on and hit the gas.

That we did! That we did… I thought in ecstasy. And while Dash peeled off down the road, leaving behind the injured and smeared culprit, Sunset and I continued to laugh and laugh and laugh as the video’s view count rose higher and higher.

Ah...it feels good to win. I can’t wait to see Luna’s face tomorrow…
> Episode 18: Sweet Justice with a Bitter Aftertaste
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our triumphant getaway came to an end as Rainbow dropped us off in front of Sunset’s house.

“Alright you two, keep your heads down until school Monday and the video will take care of everything,” she instructed as we got out.

“And if anyone asks you about us?” I questioned like a teacher.

“You were nowhere near that gallery,” she answered with a roll of her eyes.

“Good,” I nodded at her ability to listen for once. After dressing up the douche like a hot dog, we really didn’t need any concrete proof that we’d been there outside of his testimony.

Try suing us with no video proof you prick, I thought with malicious glee.

“Also, it’s not as if anyone would believe that I’d give her a ride in my car,” Rainbow laughed while pointing at Sunset. The yellow and red headed girl had been riding that same triumphant high as I’d had, but at Rainbow’s words, her face became more sullen.

“R-Right…” she said awkwardly but the speed demon didn’t appear to catch on. “Well you best get out of here then before someone sees.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Dash said as she shifted gears.

“Thanks Dash,” I said while closing her door and she looked at me surprised.

“Whoa, did you actually just thank me?” she said in mock surprise.

“Don’t get used to it,” I rolled my eyes.

“Too late, already have!” she jeered and stuck her tongue out me before flooring the pedal and racing off into the night.

“Oh yeah, that’s great! Just leave skid marks in front of my driveway! That’s very helpful!” Sunset yelled out angrily at the quickly retreating vehicle and I chuckled.

“Alright, cool your fiery head. Let’s get inside before our cover story gets exposed by some pissed off neighbor,” I said gesturing for her door.

Tearing her gaze from the long gone Dash, she turned to me and nodded.

“Good point. I’ll think about what to do to her car later as payback,” she said as she walked up to her porch and unlocked her door.

“The lady just acted as your getaway driver and you’re wanting vengeance?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh please, as if you wouldn’t if she peeled out in your driveway,” she scoffed and walked inside.

“…Alright yeah, you got me there,” I admitted begrudgingly and entered as well. “But still, I know it’s hard for you, but maybe only something light? I don’t want her getting pissed and squealing on our whole operation.”

“What? Afraid that rich boy is gonna send you a bill for ruining his suit?” she teased.

“Oh please, if anything I made that overpriced tarp look better. I’m more afraid of still getting suspended even after proving our innocence because you assaulted a guy,” I shot back and she looked at me in disbelief.

“Hey, you’re the one who said that he wouldn’t even try to rat us out after embarrassing him so badly,” she countered.

“Yeah, because that prick’s pride and reputation is already lost thanks to the stream,” I nodded. “And the last thing he’s gonna do is admit we made him a eunuch and splattered him with burger sauce.”

“Then why would-“

“Because if Rainbow is the one to snitch, she can probably sway the others,” I interrupted. “Trust me, you damage the car, she will pull out all the stops.”

“…Yeah alright, I can see that,” she nodded. “Alright, so nothing with the car.”

“I’d say just take a marker to her locker and call it even,” I instructed and she looked satisfied with that answer.

“Good enough I guess,” she shrugged. “Besides, I’m a bit tapped out on anything major for the next few weeks.”

“A kick in the pills is what you consider major?” I asked with a smirk. “I mean, I know we set up all the entrapment and stuff, but I’m sure you could aim higher.”

To that she gave me an even more wicked grin.

“What do you take me for Bacon? Someone who doesn’t go all in?” she chuckled as she lifted her foot onto the kitchen counter. And it’s there that I got a good look at her footwear.

“S-Steel Toes?” I sputtered in surprise and she smirked again.

“I always have the right gear for the job,” she bragged and a bark of laughter escaped me.

“H-Holy hell Shimmer! That poor bastard’s gonna be looking for his fun sacks for weeks!” I struggled to say.

“That is if I didn’t completely burst them!” she chortled. And like that, both of us lost to the laughing fits again.

I usually wasn’t one to take such delight in someone’s suffering, especially since it was an injury that any man would feel sympathy towards, but in this instance, I couldn’t help it. The pained expression on his face, the total comeuppance and retribution, it was absolutely hilarious. Perhaps it was because this was the first large scale retaliation I’d ever accomplished, or maybe it was because I was just relieved after a week of uncertainty, or maybe it’s because there was someone else with me sharing in and feeding the exact same jubilation. Whatever the reason, I felt satisfied.

After a few moments, our laughter subsided and things got quiet and awkward. Sunset quickly gave a fake cough into her fist before giving me a clumsy glare as she barked out,

"Anyway, enough chatting Bacon! Hurry up and pack up your crap so you can leave already!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say Shimmer," I grumbled out as I followed her up the stairs to collect my things.

Over the days of our investigation, I’d left a few things in her room like notebooks since it’d been more convenient to do my homework while we planned instead of doing it afterwards. It also helped that she’d had the same assignments as I did and we were able to complete them faster, which is why some of my other things ended up there as well. But now that we were victorious, there was no reason to set up base in her room anymore.

I’m just glad that she’s allowing me to even grab my stuff now that this truce is over, I thought in surprise. Kind of figured she’d hold them ransom to keep me in line and threaten to call the police saying I was a home invader. Maybe she’s still riding that vindication high?

Whatever the case, my paranoid thoughts went unnoticed by the girl as she opened the door for me and led me inside.

“Alright, clean up and make sure you’re thorough. Anything left behind I’m either gonna throw away or sell,” she threatened and I rolled my eyes.

“She says as if she wouldn’t keep them for herself,” I taunted as I held aloft my custom-made controller and she frowned. “I saw you eyeing it more than once.”

“Well, maybe it would have given me enough cash to get my own,” she excused lamely and looked away causing me to chuckle. Grabbing my backpack, I gently placed my prized electronic inside, before moving onto the rest.

Geometry and History textbooks? Check. Various chips and snacks? Check. Gaming headset? Check. 3DS and manga? Check. Yep, that’s everything, I thought in satisfaction before realization came over me. I really didn’t bring anything useful to this investigation. This is all just stuff from our break times.

Even after getting the others involved, Sunset and I didn’t just investigate and do homework, we’d go a few rounds in several fighting games to ease the pressure we’d felt while under the gun. In fact, the supplies I’d just packed were eerily reminiscent of what I’d bring when Mom dragged me on vacation, though Sunset’s set up was a thousand times better than any hotel TV.

I closed my bag and looked back to her rig where just the night before I’d been handed an L, and a competitive grin came across my face.

Next time I'll be sure to kick her ass. Now that I'm used to her style I'll pay her back tenfold next ti-wait no! I mentally shouted as my thoughts registered and I frowned. Snap out of it! There is no next time! This partnership is over!

"Oh, is the sore loser remembering how I owed his ass in Xenoverse 2?" Sunset mocked as she misread my facial expression. This snapped me out of my mental scolding and I turned to glare at her, only receiving a taunting eyebrow raise in return.

"Hey, we both know you only won because you used your Avatar against me. If you had chosen another character you’ have gotten your ass kicked twice over, no question about it!" I declared to her smug face.

"Oh please, I bet I could choose a Saibamen and still beat you without breaking a sweat even if you had your own 'best' Avatar with you,” she challenged.

"Skill and combos beat spamming power moves any day! Not that I expect you to know anything else but that given your so called 'skill' couldn't beat a newbie who just got the game." I countered defiantly.

This time she did glare at me as she growled out,

"Well your 'skill' couldn't even beat the Beerus AI with all your fancy items and health capsules!"

"His AI is ridiculously tough and you know it you combo spammer!"

"Item abuser!"

"Button smasher!"

"Dipshit!"

"Bitch!"

"CONDIMENT HEAD/CHICKEN SAUCE!" we shouted at the same time. Our little back and forth left us both breathing heavily as we glared heavily into each other’s eyes, which held nothing but malice and contempt…until her eyes shut and she began giggling again.

Unlike our earlier victorious guffaws, this was the same natural sounding laughter I’d heard every once and awhile from her. No matter how many times I heard it, it still had a habit of taking me a back.

Why don’t you laugh like this all the time? I thought for the thousandth time. Normally, it wouldn’t fit you at all, but when you’re smiling like that it seems…I don’t know.

Again my thoughts could not rationalize it, and before I knew it I was laughing alongside her again due to it’s infectiousness. It was here that I started to feel a strange sensation, something that eerily felt like warmth and relaxation. It was foreign and unpleasant in it’s pleasantness, and I knew I was letting my guard down and that it was time to leave.

“Okay, heh heh, okay, that’s enough cackling for now,” I said, forcing myself out of the fit. “I’ve got all my crap so it’s time to bounce from this lair before you grow horns and a tail at midnight.”

She blinked owlishly, slightly confused by my sudden mood change, but the insult did register after a moment.

“Really? Calling me a demon? That’s so last year,” she asked with a roll of her eyes.

“A year I thankfully wasn’t around for,” I pointed out. “So yeah, you satisfied I haven’t sullied your precious room anymore?”

"That depends, do I need to frisk you to make sure you only grabbed your stuff?" she insinuated with hands on hips.

"Oh please, like I want any of your knickers. I’m not some perverted deviant,” I scoffed and once more she was taken aback.

“…I was talking about my games,” she said sounding disturbed.

“Oh…” I said as it suddenly got awkward. “Well I, uh, rest assured I didn’t take any of those either.”

“…Open the bag up, I’m double checking,” she ordered with a frown.

“Oh for, I didn’t take anything!”

“Like I can trust that! You’re the one who brought up my underwear out of nowhere!”

“I thought that’s what you were talking about!” I defended.

“In what universe would that be what I was talking about you filthy weeb?!” she growled.

“Clichés are all the rage in this stupid city! How am I supposed to know which ones are and aren’t in effect?!” I defended.

“Just open the damn bag!” she screeched as she took a hold of it and began to tug.

“Hey, Hey! Careful or you’ll rip it with your devil claws!”

Eventually I relented and let her look through the bag just to get it over with and to make absolutely sure she didn’t call the police on me. She was satisfied that I hadn’t taken anything, so I left her room, still giving her forbidden dresser a wide berth to avoid any unpleasantness in the home stretch. But even still, she kept uncomfortably close to me as we descended the stares, glaring at me like a hawk.

“You ever hear of personal space?”

"You really didn't think I was just going to let you wonder around my house unsupervised, did you?" she deadpanned as we reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m not going to steal anything!” I grumbled as I stomped towards the backyard door. “There’s nothing worth it here anyway.”

“Mmhmm, sure,” she said in that irritating disbelieving voice and I grit my teeth.

“Whatever,” I huffed and reached for the sliding door. “If you try to lie and say I did say something then I swear I’ll-”

"Wait Bacon! Hold on a sec!" she called out and I sighed in frustration and turned around.

"Oh what do you want n-AGH!” I shrieked as she tossed a can at me. My reflexes activated and I caught the cold capsule, noting that it was one of her precious cherry cokes.

“Heh. Nice catch,” she congratulated snarkily as I had nearly fumbled it.

"What the hell Shimmer!? You trying to give me a concussion or something?" I accused and she raised a brow at me.

“From an underhand toss?” she deadpanned.

“A sneak attack’s a sneak attack! You’d be surprised how much damage everyday household items can do,” I stated and she just shook her head at me.

“Right, well that wasn’t a sneak attack brittle skull,” she said while holding up her own can of soda. “It’s our last bit of business together.”

“Business?” I asked at a loss.

“Yup,” she nodded as she cracked the can open. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about Oath 20?”

I’ll admit I was colored surprise by that, especially as I hadn’t played an MMO in years.

“Once a mission is complete all guild members, party members and temporary companions must toast in victory to signify their camaraderie and give thanks to a successful cooperation,” I recited and she smirked at me.

“Bingo,” she said tilting her can towards me. “I know it only really pertains to avatars, but I’d say all the BS we just went through counts.”

I just stared incredulously at her for a few heartbeats as I was once more perplexed by how different and varied her personality could be at the drop of a hat.

Why can’t you be like this all the time? What purpose is there in being a bully? I pondered briefly before pushing those thoughts aside and cracking open my can.

“You know, it’s hard to argue with that logic,” I said with a grin. “Especially after how utterly we destroyed that bastard.”

“I’ll drink to that,” she said with another one of her genuine smiles as she raised her coke in the air. "To a successful boss subjugation!"

Lifting up my own can I followed after her and said,

"To the completion of the mission!"

Then at the same time we both called out in overly exaggerated mirthful tones,

"Too jolly cooperation!"

With the toast completed, we both downed our drinks as much as we could given the carbonation. After a few moments of drinking we both stopped and she let out a sigh of content, while I belched.

“Excuse me.”

“Nah, I don’t think I will,” she snarked before giving her own.

“Well, okay then,” I shrugged as we both crushed our cans and threw them in the bin.

“And with that, I guess our business has officially come to an end,” she said while crossing her arms.

“Yeah, I guess it has,” I nodded. “We cleared our names, took sweet revenge, and now things can go back to normal.”

“Right…normal,” she trailed off on the word as she looked away from me.

“Yeah, normal,” I continued. “You barking at me like an angry chihuahua while I nudge you to the side and threaten to call animal control.”

She frowned at that.

“A chihuahua huh?” she grumbled in a strange tone before scowling at me. “I’d say that if you keep pissing me off you’ll have a St. Bernard on your case.”

“…So a big fat and hairy dog that slobbers everywhere?” I insinuated and her face went red.

“You know what I mean!”

“Whoa, whoa, easy there Cujo,” I chuckled and she groaned.

And the routine starts immediately, I thought mockingly and her face went red.

"Just stay the hell out of my way at school if you know what's good for you!" she huffed and turned away from me. For some reason her threat lacked the usual heat, and sounded pretty half assed, as if she wasn’t giving it her all.

…Maybe she’s getting rusty? Yeah, that’s gotta be it, I theorized.

"Sounds like a good plan, but how about you take some of your own advice and stay out of my way. Don't want your reputation to crumble down any more than it already has after all,” I threatened back…but just like with her words, it felt lacking. It felt more like a jab than a threat, hollow and without bite.

“Yeah…sure,” she said giving me a side glance with a confused look in her eye.

Maybe I’m getting rusty too? I thought perplexed before I shook my head.

“I’ll uh, I’ll just…” I pointed towards the door and she nodded.

“Don’t trip over the step ladder in the dark,” she warned.

“It’s just a ladder,” I responded as I opened the door and walked into her backyard.

Why is everything weird and awkward right now? I questioned myself over the curiously low percentage of hostility that I felt. Maybe the whole vindication is just leaving me in a good mood…yeah. That’s probably what’s going on with her too.

The happy chemicals produced in the human brain can cause all kinds of mood swings, and getting revenge on Jet Set had made us both jovial. We were finally going to get off the hook for something we hadn’t done, so it only made sense that we wouldn’t be as angry.

Not to mention the future smugness we’re gonna feel when we shove it in Luna’s face, I thought with a malicious grin as I stepped up to the ladder. Trying to throw us to the wolves on circumstantial evidence, well now we have real proof and…hey wait a second.

I paused on the ladder as I remembered one of the key reasons why the Vice Principal had decided to hang us out to dry. Over the course of our investigation, that question had never been answered.

“Hey Sunset!” I called out as I turned around.

“Yeah? What is it?” she answered standing in the open doorway.

“The night when the horse got tagged, why were you out driving that late?” I asked, remembering that her car had been caught on camera. She stiffened at my question as her eyes widened.

“Why…why are you asking about that now?” she said as she looked away from me nervously.

“Because I’m curious, it’s the reason we almost went down for this after all,” I accused. She bit her lip at this before she shook her head and scowled.

“Just like with Luna, it’s none of your business!” she answered tersely. “It was something personal.”

“….Just tell me it didn’t have something to do with all this,” I asked with a tired sigh.

“I would have said something if it had,” she said, though her face was flush not from anger, but embarrassment.

“Hey, I won’t judge if you were out buying drugs or whatever,” I shrugged as I climbed the ladder and started descending to my side.

“That’s not what I was doing!” she shrieked and I paused to look back at her.

“It was…” she started before she caught herself and turned away from me. “Never mind, think what you want Bacon. Good Night!”

And with that she shut her door.

“…Okay, drugs it is then,” I said more to myself than anything as I landed in my backyard and made my way inside. “As long as this wasn’t some smoking gun missing piece to the puzzle, why should I even care?”

It’s a question that I couldn’t really answer, and it frustrated me to no end.







Even after a few hours of mindless video game violence, and a hot shower, I was still feeling frustrated.

God this just doesn't make any sense! Was that soda she gave me poisoned or something? I thought grumpily as I continued to dry myself off.

My sense of vindication, hype, and joy I’d felt not that long ago seemed to have just faded into a distant memory for the way I was feeling. Not even the anticipation of telling Luna “I told you so,” was lifting my mood.

I utterly and decisively won! So why the hell do I feel so...unsatisfied about it all!? I pondered as my hands clenched around the towel.

Jet Set hadn’t been the first rich jerk off who thought he could get away with anything that I’d taken down a notch. But the thing was, in all those cases, as with any bully I’d pulled one over on, the self satisfaction and smugness I’d felt had carried me for days and even weeks.

Yet here I am feeling indifferent, when I should be jumping for freaking joy like there's no end to the happy sap. I thought with confused anger as I continued to dry off my hair. Hell with how big of a payoff that prick's confession is bringing I should be over cloud nine, yet...nothing.

But the thing was, I had been in that celebratory mood not even a few hours ago at Sunset’s house, we’d even shared in it, but somehow between then and now they’d faded.

It’s as if as soon as I left her house the joy of victory was sucked out of me or something.

Sighing in confusion, I finished drying my hair and sat down on my bed.

"Maybe she really did poison that soda. Would explain why she was so adamant to make me drink the damn thing." I grumbled softly to myself before quickly shaking my head at the ridiculousness of that idea. "Who am I kidding? She wouldn’t brake the Gamer Code, and Sunset couldn't do subtle if it was laid out to her in an easy six step plan, she'd just force feed me poison while laughing like some mad scientist."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that mental image before I stopped myself and groaned.

"Damn it, thinking about all this is getting me nowhere,” I sighed before glancing at my alarm clock and seeing how late it actually was. “…Maybe there’s a gas leak, I don’t know.”

And with that, I parted my blinds and opened my window for the first time, and took a deep breath of the crisp night air.

…Nope, the air still smells the same, I thought dejected and let out another sigh. My eyes then trailed down to the fence between our properties and the makeshift bridge between it.

“You know, from this high up, I guess I can admit that it’s a step ladder,” I said with a grin before shaking my head. “But I’ll never tell…her…that?”

I trailed off as my eyes widened and my jaw dropped at the view directly in front of me…

And then she did the same.

“SHIT!” I yelped as I scrambled to close my blinds, my face burning bright red. In my mad dash to close the blinds, I fell to the floor and started panting as my heart beat at a million miles per minute. I then promptly hid beneath my window and proceeded to question my life choices.

Oh god I'm so screwed! I thought in blind panic. Before I had been feeling apathetic, but now I was terrified because I felt like Sunset would actually kill me.

If it weren’t for the fence, she and I would have been able to look right into each other’s kitchens, and as I just found out, the second story was the same with our bedrooms. Although my timing couldn’t have been more disastrous in figuring that out.

She’d been standing in her window.

With wet hair.

Wrapped in a bath towel…

And nothing else.

It was a sight both tantalizing and dangerous, and there I’d been in only my underwear as we both saw each other.

“She’s definitely gonna kill me,” I panted, remembering how red she’d started to turn before my mad scramble.

*Bzz Bzz*

“EEE!!!” I screeched as the buzzing of my phone sounded off on my desk.

Calm down man, it might not be her! There’s plenty of others that could be texting you at midnight! I thought without any real conviction. Because unless it was my mom or my cousin calling with bad news, I knew exactly who it was.

“Please oh please let it just be Pinkie sending me some stupid meme,” I prayed as I picked up my phone. My prayers went unanswered though as I looked upon the text message from Sunset Shimmer.

What the hell do you think you're doing you creep!?

Below her message were some dots indicating she was writing something else, but before she got a chance to finish I quickly responded back with some damage control.

Nothing! I didn’t see anything!

Or at least I attempted to.

Like hell you didn’t! I saw you staring!

It was an accident I swear! I was just getting some fresh air! I explained truthfully, but even I would have had a hard time buying that.

You expect me to believe that you pervert?! You never open your window!

You never open yours either! I retorted, never having seen her pull the blinds back all the times I’d been in her room. So maybe you were looking at me!

WHAT?! Why would I want to look at your scrawny ass?! She responded back.

Exactly! So why were you looking out your window?!

It took a bit longer for her message to come back, but she responded.

It’s hot in my room!

There you go! So I say it’s safe to assume it was an accident! Neither of us were intentionally peeping!

It took even longer for her next text to appear, and I began to sweat bullets in anticipation, but finally got a response.

This. Didn’t. Happen. Got It?!

Yup! 100% Saw Nothing.

And if you ever breathe a word of this, or I catch you doing this again, not even a mortician will be able to recognize your face from your ass when I’m done with you!

Despite being in text form I could feel the intimidating aura coming from her and I shivered in dread.

I won’t, I wrote simply, and she didn’t respond back.

Cautiously I got up and closed and locked my door, just in case she changed her mind about killing me. I then lay down on my bed and turned out the light.

That was too close. If she wanted to, she could ruin me with this. Who would believe that I wasn’t intentionally looking at a pretty half naked girl? No one that’s who!

These thoughts of dread and worry filled my mind, but so too did the image of just how tightly that towel had clung to her wet form and emphasized certain assets.

Suffice to say, I had a hard time falling asleep that night for a number of reasons.








MONDAY


The rest of the weekend passed in an awkward, groggy state as I attempted to not be near any windows or doorways in my house. Thankfully there weren’t any other incidents between me and Sunset and neither of us tried to contact the other. On the plus side, this did help with the whole, staying out of the spotlight plan while the DJ girl’s video gained views.

Really, aside from the check up texts from Pinkie, Rainbow and Twilight, the only other communication I received was from Mr. Distorted. All he sent me was a selfie of him smiling brightly with his cheek pressed against Vice Principal Luna’s, who looked absolutely miserable.

Justice has been served Mr. Sauce. Come Monday, prepare to laugh.

I dared not respond to his cryptic post because 1. I was a bit apprehensive by what he had planned, and 2. I’d never given him my contact info.

How the hell do people keep getting my number? I had grumbled.

But with no answers to be gained, I powered through the weekend, avoiding all other social media until it was finally time to go to school again.

The bus ride to school on Monday was anything but quiet, and no one was really trying to be subtle with what they were talking about, which made sense considering they were all talking about the same thing.

"Hey, did you watch Vinyl's stream?"

"You’re kidding right? Practically anyone who’s anyone has seen it. You'd have to be a real sad sack to miss a stream like that."

"I thought it was going to be a drag since it was some lame art show, but damn was it worth waiting till the end!"

Now normally I would have been annoyed by such loud gossiping early in the morning after two nights of troubled sleep, but this morning was an exception. Behind my manga I was pretending to read, and if they’d looked, they’d have seen a grin on my face to rival Pinkie’s.

"I knew those Crystal Prep jerks were trouble, but I can't believe they would go so far as to mess with our mascot like that!"

"I know right!? Those jerks take their school pranks way too far, but this time takes the cake!"

Vinyl's stream went above and beyond my expectations and the outcome couldn't be any better than I hoped. Jet Set's frame job was out for all to hear, and hearing him get dissed by those around me was like music to my ears.

"I wish I was there to see that snob Jet's face in person when he got busted!”

"Man I totally made his shocked face my screen saver! I can't stop laughing every time I open my phone!"

"With how pale he was I thought he was going to pass out for sure, but I guess running with his tail between his legs like the coward he is was pretty funny too."

He wasn’t pale for long, he had a nice shade of red and yellow last I saw, I thought with a slightly sadistic grin as I continued to eavesdrop on those around me. But the fact that they aren’t saying anything about that means he didn’t come forth with it…

Of course, even with this satisfactory good news, there were some that just took the fun out of it.

"I can't believe Shimmer and her boyfriend didn't do it! I thought for sure those jerks were behind everything."

"I knew those two...well I knew Bacon was innocent from the start. You guys should really listen to me more often."

"I feel awful for blaming them so quickly. You think we should apologize to them?”

“Maybe? I mean, they may be mean, but they are still apart of Canterlot, and an attack on them is still an attack on us.”

Bunch of hypocritical mindless sheep. Ready to claim they were on our side the minute it benefits them so they can look better than everyone. Screw you and your meaningless apologies! I thought heatedly as my grin disappeared. My thoughts were interrupted though as the one sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder.

“Hey, I know they might be a bit crass, but the plan did work Mikey. You’re a free man now,” Pinkie said in a rather calm manner.

“Yeah, no duh,” I deadpanned as I looked back at my manga. “And really I don’t care what they think, it just pisses me off when they pretend that they thought something was up. Fricken flip floppers.”

“Well the key thing to take away is that they believe you now,” she encouraged. “So things are looking up for you for sure.”

“Uh huh, keep telling yourself that,” I dismissed. “Their ire is just on someone else. If they really cared they wouldn’t gossip about me while I’m right next to them.”

Pinkie frowned at that and took a look around the bus to all our chattering classmates before looking back to me.

“I kinda think that many of them don’t even realize you ride this bus,” she said plainly and I looked at her incredulously.

“Seriously?”

“Well, for the most part you’ve always got your face in a book and don’t talk to anyone, and while this whole thing was going down, you either walked home or left with Sunset,” she explained.

“…Okay, I guess I could see that,” I relented.

“Want me to announce that you ride this bus?”

“Don’t you dare!” I grunted, giving her the stink eye and she giggled.

“Just joking,” she laughed. “But come now Mikey, there’s no need to frown, this is a good day for you. And I know you’re always on the fence about them, but I have a party idea that-“

“No party,” I said plainly and went back to 'reading.'

“Aw, but it’d be a great one,” she pouted. “I even came up with a name. It’d be the ‘Proven Innocent and Free of All Charges While Showing That Crystal Prep Jerk Who’s Boss' party! We could make it a jail break theme and make a Jet Set piñata!"

To that I just lowered my book and looked at her.

"Seriously Pinkie, you need to work on your naming skills. Would that even all fit in one banner?"

"Of course silly! Its all about proper text size usage and finding the right font for the job!"

Somehow I highly doubt that. I thought snarkily with a shake of my head.

"Besides it distracted you from whatever was making you frown, so it doesn't really matter how long the name is!"

"Say what now?"

"I didn’t say anything," was the overly happy response I got from the crazy pink girl which caused my eyes to roll.

“Okay, whatever. No matter the theme, still no parties for me,” I waved off.

“Okie dokie lokie,” she sighed. “I guess knowing that you were happy the night of is good enough for now.”

“Thank you,” I nodded. She was then silent for a spell while I continued to eavesdrop on the gossipers, but then she decided to break that blessed silence like she always did.

“So, are you and Sunset closer now?”

I about choked on my own tongue as she brought that out of the blue.

“What?! No! What did you hear?! Because it’s not true!” I sputtered as the impromptu peep show flashed through my mind. Pinkie flinched back at my response and said,

“Wait, really? Dashie said that the two of you were laughing and high fiving and stuff when she drove you away.”

“Oh, that!” I chuckled nervously. “Yeah, we did do that. But that doesn’t mean anything. It was all just post victory bliss.”

“Oh…really?” Pinkie asked, sounding disappointed as her hair seemed to droop.

“Yup! That’s all it was. We still hate each other and are glad to not stare at-I mean see one another,” I explained while coughing into my fist.

To that, she looked even more disappointed and just sighed.

“That’s a shame. The way Dashie described it, it sounded like Sunset was like how she used to be. Back before…” she trailed off and her eyes looked sad and distant, which unnerved me.

Oh right, that incident when she made you cry that Hindsight was talking about, I thought as she blinked rapidly and shook her head.

“But I guess that was just wishful thinking,” she said solemnly. Just like when she called me after ‘The Party’ her tone just felt all kinds of wrong to me. She was supposed to be annoyingly optimistic, not gloomy. It made me feel all kinds of awkward.

“Y-Yeah, well, Condiment Head isn’t exactly built for friendship,” I said trying to end that conversation.

“I guess so,” she sighed again before glancing at me. “But I guess in her own way she was happy too to be let off the hook.”

“Yeah…she was,” I nodded, remembering how all the laughter she’d done that night had been the natural sounding variety. I must have sounded strange with how I said that because Pinkie gave me a quizzical glance, but thankfully something else caught her gaze. Leaning over me, she pressed her face against the window so hard I thought she would crack the glass.

"What the hell you pink psycho! How many times do we need to go over what 'personal space' means!" I growled out with my face red in anger and embarrassment as she was practically in my lap.

As expected my words merely flew through Pinkie's ears as she excitedly pointed rapidly at something outside the bus window and started giggling like a loon.

"Oh Mikey, *giggle*, you have got to see this!"

Before I could get a chance to respond, she grabbed my head and forced me to look through the window. Any words of rebuttal or anger I had died as my jaw dropped.

We had arrived at the bus stop at school, and once again there was a crowd of students surrounding the Wondercolt statue. This time however, it wasn’t because of any damage done to the evil cannibalistic horse, but rather to the stage in front of it.

A banner above the stage read “Volunteers Wanted For Renaissance Festival.” Sitting on a prop throne in the middle of the stage was Mr. Distorted, dressed like a king and holding a scepter, and below him was Vice Principal Luna. She was handing out flyers dressed in a baggy jester’s outfit that was every color of a disgusting neon rainbow. Even her face had been painted up, and though there was a drawn smile on her face, she looked absolutely miserable.

As everyone else on the bus began to notice the spectacle, my slack jaw morphed into a manic grin and I began to laugh in genuine glee.

Oh Mr. D, you crazy crafty bastard you. Justice indeed, I thought as I remembered his cryptic text.

“Oh boy! The Renaissance Festival! I love those jousting tournaments!” Pinkie chirped excitedly. “One time Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy got picked to do the guest joust and Dashie absolutely destroyed her, but then we all bought her a spinach dip bread bowl so it was all good in the end.”

“That’s nice,” I said having not really listened as I made my way off the bus and towards the stage.

As I got closer, I could make out Distorted’s words.

“Come now you peasant children, your lord and master King Discord needs plenty of volunteers for the upcoming festival!” he announced holding aloft a bag of popcorn. “I know some of you desperately need that extra credit after the last tests. And let’s be fair, any volunteers will be a lot more competent than Grand Court Jester Lunapop here!”

Many students laughed at that as the painted clown of a Vice Principal just took a deep breath and continued to hand out fliers. Around her neck was a sign that said,

'Discord Rulez, Luna Drools.’

“Isn’t that right Lulu? Isn’t your head just empty of all rationality?” he teased.

“My Lord Discord speaks the truth, I am highly incompetent and can’t even read,” she monotoned as a vein pulsed on her forehead.

“Yeesh, and she can’t even do comedy justice either,” Distorted cat called and everyone laughed again.

“I should see if the girls wanna sign up. Fluttershy and Applejack would be great in helping out for the pony and camel rides,” Pinkie said conversationally.

“You go do that,” I told her as I continued to watch the spectacle as that elation from the other night stopped by to say hello once again.

“Okie Dokie Lokie! See ya later Mikey!” Pinkie said as she bounced off to her friends, and I just absentmindedly waved at her.

Distorted on his high throne spotted my beaming form and he held his bag of popcorn towards me as if toasting with a wine glass and gave me a wink. I merely looked at him with my grateful grin and just nodded slightly in appreciation, before giving him a two finger salute and making my way inside the building.

“Come on you unwashed masses! Do you want those Crystal Prep Snobs to out due us this year? Step right up to the painted nincompoop and sign up!” he continued to chant.








LATER, HISTORY CLASS


Thanks to that wonderful display I saw that morning my mood was pretty chipper during my first class. I'm pretty sure Ms. Harshwhinny thought I was on something since the shit eating grin stayed plastered on me. Rainbow for her part let me bask in my smugness, knowing full well why I was happy, but everyone else nervously thought I had something planned and avoided eye contact.

That just honestly increased my mood as it kept them from talking about me above a whisper and made them think I hadn’t forgiven them (which I most certainly hadn’t.) After all the best revenge is to not do anything at all. If you let their paranoia and fear be their downfall, then you’ll never have to lift a finger.

So yeah, first period was a breeze and the student body avoided me like I was a ticking time bomb. Rainbow even got held back by Harshwhinny over one of her assignments, so I was walking hassle free. Then the cherry on top, the History class was completely empty, so I was able to get to my desk and get a little reading in before the rest of the leeches showed up.

"Mr. Bac-Michael, we need to talk."

Or at least I would have if Twilight hadn’t also decided to show up early and make her way towards me.

Well this can only end well, I thought in annoyance before responding dryly,

"Look Purplesmart I’m in a good mood right now, so before you ask, the answer’s Berserk.”

“Berserk?” she asked, looking thrown for a loop.

“Yup,” I nodded. “Since you’ve really gotten into Bloodborne and the other Souls games, read Berserk. It’s the main inspiration for most of those games anyway, but just be warned, it’s a pretty brutal manga.”

“Oh…uh, well I wasn’t coming to ask you about that actually,” she explained after composing herself.

“I’m pretty sure you were, otherwise my good mood might just evaporate,” I warned before sitting down and pulling my books out.

“I…” she trailed, blinking owlishly before coughing and standing up straighter. “Be that as it may, I’m still going to speak with you.”

“Oh joy,” I grumbled and sure enough the elation started scattering. She flinched at my tone before taking a deep breath and powering through it.

"I wanted to apologize for allowing myself to believe those Dazzling's rumors about you and Sunset. I should have known better, and I should have had more faith in my friend even if he can be a bit too abrasive sometimes."

Twilight's tone was eerily similar to both Pinkie's and Rainbow's when they ambush ‘apologized’ to me at Sunset’s place. She certainly sounded regretful and that got me to look up at her. "I know you won't accept my apology easily, or at all really, but I just want you to know as your friend that I-"

“Yeah, yeah, I already heard the same spiel from Pinkie and Dash a few days ago, so you can save your breath,” I cut her off and she went rigid in surprise.

“What do you mean by th-“

“Pinkie’s your little ringleader, so she already covered you and the others. Her apology counts as yours so you don’t have to go through the motions, it doesn’t really matter,” I waved her off.

"It means something to me,” she said so softly that I almost confused her for Flubber. Honestly, I was surprised I even heard it. I looked back up at her again and saw some wetness around her eyes.

Oh god, not this again! Your whole group is nothing but actors in the Overdramatic Theatre! I mentally grumbled as she leaned closer to me.

"Michael, I didn't have that many friends, real friends, before I met Pinkie and the others." Twilight started to say with a soft, yet determined tone, "Ever since then I've been absolutely terrified of losing them, or any of my friends.”

It’s like talking to a brick wall with you girls! Why won’t you stop harping on that?! I’m not your therapist!

"I know you won't accept my apology, and there's nothing I can really say to make you believe I mean it." Twilight continued on, oblivious to my thoughts. "That's why I decided to do this, as a way of showing just how sorry I am for doubting you." And with that, she reached into her bag.

"Look Twilight, you don’t have to do this. I mean, I don’t normally turn down cash, but it’s unnecessary to-“

“It’s not money! Friends don’t just throw checks at each other during apologies,” she cut me off before pulling out her quarry and holding it out to me. “They do meaningful gestures.”

In her hands was what looked like a pristine looking volume one of My Hero Academia.

"Um...buying gifts is the same as just giving money,” I pointed out. “Also, I kind of already own this copy, remember? I lent it to you not that long ago.”

A copy that I hadn’t asked to be returned, I suddenly realized. Though to be fair I’d been dealing with a bunch of BS since lending it out.

"Um...this is your copy Michael,” she emphasized while pushing it closer to me.

“I don’t think so, mine’s all worn and stuff and…wait, did you spill water on it and buy a replacement?!" I accused and she looked at me incredulously.

“Of course not,” she said with a roll of her eyes as she opened the cover and pointed to the corner where my signature was scrawled in black sharpie.

“Wait, what?!” I exclaimed as I snatched the book from her hands and looked at the signature more closely, and sure enough, it looked identical to mine.

“And because I know you’re thinking it, no I didn’t forge your signature,” Twilight said definitively with her hands on her hips.

Yeah, I mean, why would you? If you had and it was this great, you could’ve signed out a credit card in my name or something, I thought mesmerized as I began flipping through the pages. The spine, the pages and the cover all looked clean. Every crease, wrinkle, and minor damage that I’d put it through was seemingly gone. Though the one meat stain along the bottom was still there, it was faded and less noticeable.

"Wha...how...this is...what!?" I couldn't keep the awe out of my voice, nor keep it off my face as I stared at Twilight like she was some oasis in a desert.

Twilight blushed at that and started twiddling with her fingers nervously,

"Well...I knew how much you cared about your literature, and since you let me borrow it for so long I figured the best way to apologize to you would be to return it to you as good as new."

"I...how did you do this? I’d had that thing for years?"

"Well...I guess I just applied the same techniques I learned from my grandmother,” she explained while scratching at her ear. “She has a few family secrets when it comes to book restoration and they work just as well with your literature."

“Well your grandma must be a freaking wizard, this is amazing!” I proclaimed. “I’ve got a bunch of other books that could use this treatment, how long does it take?”

“Oh, depending on the size of the book, it could take a few days to a week. Luckily I pulled a few all nighters to restore this one so quickly,” she boasted before I raised a brow at her.

“All nighters?” I inquired and her eyes widened.

“No, no, they weren’t all for that, I’m not that obsessive!” she denied while waving her hands back and forth. “I was already pulling all nighters anyway for class projects, so I just added it onto the pile.”

“Oh…well still, this is pretty awesome Twilight,” I said truthfully.

“Thank you very much,” she said proudly.

“No really, is it like a secret family technique, or can anyone know it?” I inquired and she smiled.

“I could show you my process if you’d like,” she offered and I beamed.

Hell ya! My book shelf is gonna look pristine and clean and-No wait! She’s suckering me in! I realized as my eyes went wide before frowning. You got distracted by the big display, but don’t fall for it!

Coughing into my hand I looked back at her and said,

“Nah, you don’t have to show me. If you wrote it down I’m sure I’d be able to pick it up.” She looked a little crestfallen at that, but my cold gaze didn’t warm.

“Oh…okay then,” she said in a hollow tone. “Though you may have to find some chemicals that are hard to get your hands on, and you’ll need plenty of safety devices and-“

“Am I restoring books or making drugs?” I asked a bit disturbed and she frowned.

“Don’t even joke about that. My brother’s had to deal with lots of criminals like that,” she scolded.

“Wait, what?”

“He’s a detective. So the last thing I’d ever do is become a criminal,” she pouted and crossed her arms.

Her brother’s a cop? I thought in surprise. Or maybe she’s bluffing. Usually family of coppers bring it up all the time to threaten you into doing what they want.

“Okay, fine, you’re not a drug kingpin,” I placated.

“Thank you!” she huffed and I rolled my eyes.

Well your grand gesture is just falling on it’s face now Sparkle, I thought vindictively. The drones like big flashy ‘apologies’ but not when you start huffing and stomping your…wait, where is everyone?

The absence of anybody else in the classroom finally stood out to me. Sure I’d been early, but there was usually a small trickle of people coming in.

And wait, if there’s no one around to see her grand gesture apology then… I thought in bafflement. If Twilight doesn’t have an audience, then why go this far?

Before I could parse the reason why, someone finally entered.

“Hey! The class has…”

And that person just so happened to be Sunset who trailed off when she spotted me. The both of us went rigid, having not seen each other since the incident.

“Bacon,” she said tersely.

“Shimmer,” I responded with a clumsy glare and wished to be anywhere else.

Get a hold of yourself dude! You’ve seen a lot more skin on the internet! Quit being an idiot! I scolded myself, only partially succeeding in gathering my thoughts.

“W-well, what do you need Condiment Head?” I asked stiltedly, not making eye contact. “Lurking around trying to strike fear or something?”

She frowned at that, but didn’t look directly at me either.

“Oh please Chicken Sauce, like I need to resort to lurking to show these idiots who’s in charge,” she said stiltedly as well. “I was just doing some last minute clean up and was heading by and-“

“Oh, so, you’re like a janitor now?” I interrupted hastily. “Didn’t know your financial situation was that bad.”

She just looked at me deadpanned and shook her head.

“I’m not even gonna comment on how bad that was,” she said pityingly.

“Yeah…” I admitted and things got quiet again.

Seriously! I didn’t even see anything major! Calm down brain! I mentally scolded as I still found it difficult to look at her. And what did she mean by clean up? Is she already telling people that the Rejects knew about the sabotage?

"Sunset?" the silence was broken by Twilight’s soft voice, which distracted the both of us thankfully. For a moment, I’d actually forgotten she’d been there.

"What do you want Sparkle?" Sunset growled out, voicing my own thoughts for me though in a much harsher way.

Expectedly, Twilight flinched at Sunset's tone and took a step back from her. I thought for sure she was going to try and hide behind me, but she steeled herself and looked the other girl in the eye.

"Sunset...I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and thinking you were behind the Wondercolt vandalism. It was wrong of me to assume that just because we've had our problems in the past."

Let’s just say that neither the bully or I expected that from the bookworm.

Why are you apologizing to her? She’s not one of your friends, and I’m pretty sure she hates your guts, I thought in utter bewilderment.

Sunset’s shock was quickly replaced by a suspicious glare, but before she could ask anything, Twilight continued.

"I know how much you care about the school and should have known better. Even you wouldn’t deface the Wondercolt over something as petty as revenge against Michael, and I’m sorry I doubted you,” she said, her eyes never wavering from the befuddled bully.

There were a few moments of tense silence between the two before Sunset turned away with a scoff and made her way back towards the classroom door.

"Whatever Sparkle, just remember your place and don't speak so causally to me again," she grumbled not even looking back at us. As soon as she was gone, Twilight practically collapsed to her knees with a long exhale.

"Oh geeze that was so nerve wracking, I thought she was going throttle me the moment I spoke up!" she squeaked, holding her head like a neurotic mess.

“Yeah, well, she always kind of has that vibe,” I said while looking down at the pitiful girl. “I’m just more surprised you actually said anything with all the lectures you’ve given me.”

“I understand the irony Mr. Bacon,” she said while wiping a sweat bead away. “But the key difference is I was apologizing, not antagonizing.”

“Some bullies don’t know the difference,” I muttered as I pondered over Twilight’s actions. I still couldn’t understand what she had to gain for saying that to Sunset, the girl she’d essentially replaced in Pinkie’s group.

My curiosity would go unanswered as I was not about to open that can of worms, especially when she was still panting on the floor. Sighing, I got up and offered my hand to the bundle of nerves.

“Get up already, you’re gonna make people think I did something to you,” I grunted impatiently. She looked between my hand and my face in shock for a moment before giving a small smile and taking it.

“Thank you Michael.”

“Stop with the thanks already, geeze,” I said uncomfortably as I pulled my hand back. “Now look, I just want to make some things perfectly straight here, are you listening?”

She flinched at my tone but nodded so I continued.

“I can tell from what you were saying earlier that Pinkie or Dash told you about my view on apologies, so there’s really no need for me to accept it,” I told her plainly.

“I thought as much,” she said with a sad frown.

“But…” I continued and she looked at me curiously as I struggled to finish my thought. “But even I’m not that much of a dick to not appreciate what you did for my manga. In fact it’s a pretty cool thing you did, so…”

With a sigh of defeat I held out my hand to her again.

"What I'm trying to say is...thanks. And I guess we're cool...for now at least."

Once more, she smiled pleasantly at me before she took my hand and we shook on it.

"I appreciate that Michael, I really do,” she said before she began to smirk. “But weren’t you the one who just said to stop with all the thanks?”

“I don’t give mine out too often egghead,” I explained as I took my hand back and wiped it on my jeans. “Unlike you and your friends, I don’t throw them out like they’re going out of style.”

Rolling her eyes good naturedly she just shook her head.

“Whatever you say Michael,” she giggled and I immediately regret giving an olive branch.

Things would be so much easier if I could just be a full on asshole all the time, I thought with regret.

"Right, so we can put this behind us and move on right?” I asked hopefully.

“Well…there is one more thing, and I swear that’s it,” she said reluctantly and I sighed.

“Alright, spit it out.”

“I was just wondering if it would be okay to come over to your place sometime this week?"

"Just...why?" I groaned as I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

“I still don’t have a gaming console…and I’ve looked up some other bosses that are in Bloodborne and I kind of want to fight them,” she explained sheepishly.

I stared at her in abject terror as my jaw dropped.

“You…you spoiled yourself?” I asked offended.

“N-Not very much! I was just curious about what came next,” she said tapping her fingers together.

“…How far ahead did you look?” I all but threatened and she shrank back.

“Just up to Lady Maria.”

“Oh my god! That’s a DLC boss!” I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But once I started learning the lore, I couldn’t stop!”

“Oh come on!”

“I only looked at a bit of the story for some bosses, I don’t know how their attack patterns or anything!” she tried to placate, but I still felt very disappointed in her.

“Don’t go ruining surprises for yourself Sparkle! Don’t look anything else up till you’ve beaten the game. I won’t allow it!”

“That was the plan,” she pouted. “And I figure I can get in at least 3 days a week ranging from 4-6 hours and still be able to get my assignments done. Which days work for you?”

I stopped shouting as I realized how effectively she’d just cornered me.

You sneaky chess master! I thought both angrily, and a bit impressed.

But before I could tell Twilight to buy her own Playstation and not mooch off of mine, Sunset suddenly poked her head back in the door.

“Hey nerds, quit your squabbling already,” she ordered.

“Ugh, why are you back?” I grumbled uneasily and she suddenly smiled maliciously.

“Well, the two of you babbling earlier made me forget to mention that the Doc moved class over to room 212 today,” she said in a sing songy voice and my eyes widened.

“What?!” both me and Twilight exclaimed.

“Yup. He gave me a pass to go grab any stragglers who didn’t see his message this morning. So if I were you, I’d get a move on,” she said smugly before ducking back out of the door, followed by her hurried steps.

Both me and Twilight just stared at where Sunset had been in shocked silence as her words slowly registered in our heads, and we finally realized why no one else was in the classroom. And that there was only one minute left till the bell rang.

…

"Every man for himself Sparkle!" I yelped as I grabbed my bag and began pushing her out of my way.

"Wha-!? Wait I need to grab my textbooks!"

"Forget the textbooks and move your ass bookworm!"

"*Gasp* you did not just tell me to abandon my textbooks! And language Michael! MICHAEL!"








Chemistry


It was a miracle that me and Twilight managed to get to class on time, and seeing Sunset's smug look as we burst through the door panting did not make it any better. Thankfully the Doc was not a stick in the mud like Ms. Harshwhinny, and just told us plainly to take our seats, despite Twilight profusely apologizing since that was the closest she’d ever been to being tardy. It would have been funny if it weren't for the fact that it looked like she would legit breakdown crying the longer she apologized.

But anyway, after that awkwardness, class just flew by in the blink of an eye, as it always did in his class. And just like in the class before, the others were reluctant to speak with me, though that didn’t stop them from giving short glances whenever they could. It wasn’t just me either, Sunset was getting the same treatment, and from how she carried herself, I knew she was enjoying it just as much as I was.

In no time at all, the bell rang and I scurried on out the door, trying to avoid both Sunset and Twilight for different reasons. Twilight had all but gotten me to allow her access to my house, so I didn’t want to cement it so I could still have some plausible deniability if she still decided to come over, and thus a reason to complain.

Luckily she was caught up with the Doc asking about the project due at the end of the month, and I made my way to the boring mire known as Geometry.

Rarity didn’t say anything to me, but every now and then she would give me a conspiratorially/expectant look throughout class and I realized what she wanted.

She’s really the star of the video that got me off the hook, and one of the only reasons I’m not being hung out to dry so…

I sent her a quick text, thanking her for what she’d done. The minute she read it, she smirked and looked back at me, gave me a thumbs up, then went back to listening to the droning math teacher.

You know, besides maybe Flubber, you are surprisingly one of the more simpler girls of the Pinkie Brigade to deal with, I thought in gratitude. You also pay me when you get up to shenanigans, so there’s that too.

After escaping Math Hell, I entered the Chemistry class, the final period before lunch, and was disappointed to see Applejack already there, and of course, she was glaring at me.

"Alright Jackie, what's on your mind?" I snarked as I sat at the table we were forced to share.

"Oh, nothin' much. Just wanderin if yer happy with what you've done?” she grilled as her scowl deepened.

“You’re asking how I feel?” I asked with a raised brow. “I didn’t know you cared about little ol’ me.”

"You know what ah meant," she growled before crossing her arms in huff..

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today huh?

"Well to tell ya the truth cowgirl, I am pretty freaking happy!" I responded truthfully, if a little smugly. "Things that were wrong were set right, but I’m guessing since you’re all pissed, you think I shouldn’t be?”

"So yer happy about getting out of some mess you caused, is that right?" she insinuated and my smirk vanished at her tone.

“The hell’s that mean?” I asked and she shrugged nonchalantly.

"All ah'm saying is, that none of this mess would have happened if a certain somebody kept his head down,” she said passive aggressively.

Oh this bitch is not doing what I think she's doing! I thought angrily before taking a deep breath and responding with my own passive-aggressive tone,

"Well maybe if a certain party of petty individuals didn't try to mess with a certain somebody for something they started, then maybe this certain person may not have had to do anything."

"Well maybe if a certain somebody wasn't stirring the pot around here, then maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand!?" Applejack replied more heatedly.

"That probably wouldn't have happened if everyone just left this person alone like they've wanted since the very beginning!"

"If that person just kept their stubborn head down and stopped confronting everyone, then maybe they'd finally be left alone after they finished whining about it all!"

Our heads were practically butting against each other as we continued our 'talk.’

I can’t believe the audacity of this bitch! Did she just want me to get suspended and take it like a good little scapegoat?! Screw that noise!

The both of us were glowering with murder in our eyes, but before I could say anything more, a gloved hand separated us.

"Now now students, I may love some nice reactions but no need to start any volatile ones...at least not before I get my camera up!" Doctor Test Tube's obnoxiously cheerful voice interrupted, somewhat breaking the tension.

Both me and Applejack sent a quick snarl at each other before looking at the teacher and apologizing while ignoring the whispering audience we’d gained.

Great, just what I need. More obnoxious rumors about me, and right after my name was cleared. Thanks you stupid redneck! I thought bitterly while Dr. Test Tube, oblivious to my thoughts, just nodded her head happily as she clapped her hands together in delight,

"Good! Now let’s get today's class started. I know it’s a bit early but hey, you can never be too early for the excitement that is SCIENCE!" And with that, she maneuvered her way to the front and began the roll call.

With her out of the way, Applejack continued where we’d started, though this time she whispered.

"Look Bacon, all I'm trying ta say is that ever since you transferred over you've managed to stir up things that are best left alone. I'm just worried about how this all affects my friends. After last year ah don't think they can handle something that big again..."

With a soft sigh I whispered back to Applejack in a slightly calmer tone,

"And I respect that, I mean it. But I'm not just going to let some jerk or Rejects walk all over me so you and your friends can have the 'perfect' high school experience! I won't be some stepping stone for you and your friends to walk over!"

Applejack was silent at that for a bit before she whispered back,

"And Ah'm not trying to say you should! Ah just don't want ma friends getting mixed up with your little war with those Dazzling varmints or whoever else you decide to rub your horns against."

"Look, I didn't want them involved either but they wouldn't take no for an answer! What do you want me to do!? If they want to help me for some illusion of friendship then you need to show them the light like you told me you would!"

I felt Applejack giving me an offended glare at that shift of blame, but I chose to ignore it to try and make it look like I was focusing on Dr. Test Tube's lecture.

"Dangnabbit, don't you think I've tried?!” she cursed. “They won’t listen to reason no matter how hard I try to hammer common sense into their thick skulls.”

“Well they are your friends, so it’s not that surprising,” I insulted and she grit her teeth. “And sure, I used their help so that I wouldn’t get tossed under the bus. I don’t think even you’re that frigid to let me go down for something I didn’t do.”

“…Ah guess I’m not,” she said after a moment. “But until two days ago, I was certain you had been behind it, despite what they all said.”

“You and the hundreds of other brainless masses here,” I grumbled and she shot me a dirty look. “But hey, if it makes ya feel better, Rarity had to be goaded into helping through vanity, and Flubber is just too scared to do anything, so maybe start with them.”

“Flubber?” she asked in a confused tone. “Who in the sam hill is-”

“Look, it doesn’t matter who you start with,” I interrupted her impatiently. “Just do what you gotta do. And for the love of god, don’t get pissy at me for being me. I’m trying to scare them off from dragging me into the Cult of Pie, so don’t harp on how I go about it. Okay? End of discussion!”

With that said our 'conversation' came to an end for the rest of the class time, though Applejack continued to give me small glares of anger and for some reason concern throughout the class. I, of course, ignored these looks as I put all my attention on the lecture before me.

Let's just hope there's not another pop quiz or else I'm screwed and it'll totally be Jackie's fault! I thought in slight dread as I tried to write as many notes as I could from the white broad before Dr. Test Tube could erase them forever.








Lunch


With Chemistry finally over I left the classroom as fast and as subtly as possible, leaving the now suffocating levels of tension courtesy of one crossed farmer girl behind. My hunger for food was only secondary though, as I truly sought sustenance from more information, especially in regards to the Rejects.

Outside of the internet, a High School lunch room is the prime hub for rumors and gossip, and as I made my way to the lunch line, I made sure to keep my ears open. And boy was I rewarded for my efforts!

"Did you hear? The girlfriend of the guy who trashed the Wondercolt totally just broke up with him!" A girl with green hair said excitedly to her two friends just ahead of me in the line.

The blonde gave an overdramatic gasp of shock at the news, while the one with a rose in her hair just raised a skeptical brow at that.

"And just how do you know that Daisy?" she asked as said girl rolled her eyes as if it was obvious before shoving her phone in their faces.

"Apparently there are rumors going around that she helped him with the Wondercolt, so I looked her up online and her relationship status is set to 'it’s complicated.' What more proof do you need!?"

The blonde girl once gain gasped overdramatically at that while the other girl just gave her friend a deadpanned stare.

"Or, and hear me out here, it’s because he was flirting with Rarity and is unsure if she wants to stay with the guy or not."

"Oh you poor poor girl, don't you know that 'it's complicated' is just another way of saying a relationship is over?” the blonde said with a sad sigh. “It’s just, like, common sense!"

"Or maybe you two are just over thinking someone else's relationship...again."

"See Rose, this is why you don't have a boyfriend. Your lack of social understanding is really killing your chances," Daisy said with a pitying tone towards the now named Rose.

"Wha-! What does anything about this have to do with me lacking a boyfriend!?"

As the three gossips descended into some back and forth nonsense I couldn't help but give a small smirk at the news of Jet's romantic situation.

And his suffering continues. Take that you cheating prick, I thought with malicious glee and suddenly my soured mood from talking with Applejack disappeared.

As I inched closer to the front, I noticed that the old lunch lady was giving me a small smile.

Well that’s an improvement at least, I thought in relief. Maybe now I can choose my fruit instead of just getting an orange every day.

When I got to the front and held out my tray, the old lady held up a finger, reached under the counter and then plopped something I wasn’t expecting onto my tray.

…Okay, that’s a definite improvement, I thought taken aback.

While everyone else had the standard school food that ranked in quality between prison slop and 3rd world country scraps, I had a freshly baked apple pie in the tin, and cooked potato wedges.

I looked back at the old woman in shock who just gave me that apologetic smile again, before setting a carton of juice next to it.

“Uh…thanks,” I said unsurely and she just nodded and waved for the next person behind me.

With my kingly feast in hand, I began my trek towards the door to mine and Ditzy’s hang out spot. Along the way, I saw the different clicks and factions giving me glances, but no one had the balls to say anything to me, which is just how I liked it. Even better, I finally heard what I’d truly wished to hear.

“Betrayal.”

“How could they hide that?”

“Trying to let the snobs get away with it?”

The rumor mill was in full swing and everyone was whispering about the Rejects and looking sourly in their direction.

Just from body language alone, I could tell they were not having a good time. Adagio was stiff and fuming, Aria was twitchy and looking around, and Sonata just seemed generally uncomfortable with all the negative attention they were getting.

Their misery was just the cherry on top of the good day, and not even Applejack’s bitchiness could ruin it.

Dang Sunset, you really work quick don’t you? I thought impressed as the news spread like wildfire. Speaking of her, I spotted her chilling and enjoying the fireworks with the most relaxed and smug smile I’d seen yet. Adagio glanced her way every now and then, but Sunset didn’t reveal anything to her. I sure hope you didn’t throw Hindsight under the bus, those three will eat him alive.

As if hearing my thoughts, Sunset looked over at me and gave me a conspiratorial grin, which I couldn’t help but nod at. Then I guessed she remembered who she was looking at and she quickly and clumsily sent a glare my way before looking back towards the Rejects.

You know, if we can keep the awkwardness going, then maybe we’ll never even speak to one another again, I thought, trying to find a silver lining. That aside, I looked back to the suffering of the Dazzlings and immediately cheered up again, which is how I locked eyes with Adagio.

I wasn’t trying to hide my smile, and that ruffled her feathers something awful as she looked at me with murderous intent. My smile only widened at her outrage…and then I did something cocky.

Maybe I was riding off the high, or maybe I just wanted to get back at Applejack’s pissy mood, or maybe I just liked poking bears. Whatever the reason, I made my way towards their table. In the corner of my vision, I saw Sunset stiffen and her eyes go wide, and some of the whispers hushed, but I kept my main focus on Adagio and her stupid hair.

All three of them seemed rather perturbed that I was approaching, but I kept plowing through until I was five feet from their table. The queen bee began to open her mouth to speak, but I beat her to it.

“Enjoying the front row seats? I heard they’re non-refundable,” I mocked, bringing up her previous gloating about me getting expelled and throwing it back in her face. She clenched her teeth at that, while Aria frowned and Sonata looked uneasy. I then smiled maliciously as I looked Adagio straight in the eye and said, “Your move, Disco Dance.”

The look of outrage on her face was glorious, but before she could make a scene, I gave her a mock salute and went on my way. Sunset was looking at me incredulously, and so were a few others, wondering what I’d said, but I didn’t give them the time of day as I made my way outside. I gave one last glance to Adagio, and her murderous aura had not dissipated in the slightest, so I smiled again just to get to her.

Closing the door behind me, I felt ten feet tall and exhaled in content.

Watching them squirm like this is nice and all, but... my grin slowly became less manic, this isn't nearly enough to make up for your little 'prank'. Prepare yourselves you Disco Rejects, this is only the beginning!

People treating them like traitors was nowhere near the levels of vengeance I still had planned. When the time came, I swore that they would be wallowing and crying in the dirt for the pain they’d caused me.

Even you Sonata. Even though you nudged Sunset and I in the right direction, it still doesn’t erase your sin, I thought in contempt. As I’d approached their table, she had almost raised her hand to wave at me, before looking at the other two and thinking better of it.

I still didn’t understand her angle, but in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter. She’d cry along with the rest of them.

“Hey Michael, what’s with the evil look?”

“Huh?!” I gasped, snapping out of my plans of vengeance to see I’d arrived to Ditzy “Derpy” Do, who was sitting with Hindsight at our spot.

“I said why do you look like you’re planning something bad?” she asked and I pursed my lips.

“I’m not planning something 'Bad.' I’m planning future vengeance, there’s a difference.”

“Um…future vengeance on whom?” Hindsight asked somewhat nervously and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re in the clear poindexter,” I reassured. “But your precious Blaze and friends, not so much.”

“Ugh, do you have to keep bringing that up?” he bemoaned as I sat down.

“Yes. Yes I do,” I said plainly and he sighed. The wall eyed girl had mentioned, or rather demanded that when we completed our mission and things got back to 'Normal' then the tech geek should be allowed to eat with us. Having had more important fish to fry at the time, I had just relented to her request and now here he sat in our quiet place. But truthfully, there could have been worse options.

“Oh knock it off you two, now’s not the time for vengeance. It’s food time,” Derpy said with a bubbly smile as she took a sandwich out of her lunch box.

“Truer words have never been spoken,” I said as I picked up the pie.

“They were serving pie today?!” Hindsight asked in surprise.

“For me apparently,” I shrugged as I took a scoop out of it. “Guess it’s the lunch lady’s idea of a bribe for trying to fatten me up on oranges or something.”

“If that’s an apple pie, then Mrs. Smith made it herself, you’re so lucky,” Derpy said somewhat enviously.

“It’s just a pie guys. Sure it’s better than the usual fair but…” I trailed off as I actually took a bite, and heavenly flavor danced across my tongue.

Wha…what is this? Is this laced with drugs? How could something be so delicious? I thought as I was taken to dessert nirvana.

“…Yup, definitely an Apple Family pie,” Hindsight said in relation to my frozen form.

“Does she have a bakery?! I must know!” I shouted, as I started shoveling pieces of heaven into my maw. “This is by far the best pie I’ve ever had!”

“No, unfortunately they don’t have a bakery, but sometimes they’ll sell baked goods at the farmer’s market,” Derpy explained.

“Well I know what I’m doing one of these weekends!” I said with my mouth full.

“Heh, if you think that’s good, wait till Cider Season starts. It’s to die for,” Hindsight said with a nostalgic look on his face.

“Cider huh? Well if it’s as good as this then sign me the hell up,” I said with glee.

“Will do!” Derpy said with a sweet smile. “Oh, and speaking of signing up, did you see Ms. Luna this morning?”

I nearly choked on the glorious pie as I laughed in remembrance.

“That sure was a sight to behold,” Hindsight nodded. “The Ren-Fair sure is going to be interesting this year.”

“I’ll say. I’m always amazed about what Mr. D can do,” Derpy responded.

“Well, when you’re sleeping with the principal, I guess you have a little more leeway on things, like humiliating her sister,” I chuckled which got Hindsight going.

“That’s one way to put it,” Derpy said, rolling her eyes at my crassness. “Oh, and before I forget, Ms. Luna wanted to see you and Sunset after school.

And just like that, I nearly choked on pie again.

“Oh she does, does she?” I inquired.

“Yup. Mr. D gave me a text and let me know to tell you two, so I did,” she explained.

“Perhaps she’s going to apologize then,” Hindsight theorized and I smirked.

“You know, I would very much enjoy that…even with Sunset there.”

“Speaking of her…has she been hovering near you guys in the background all day?” Hindsight asked and I looked at him incredulously.

“Huh?”

“It’s just that I kept seeing her as I was walking between classes, glancing at me every so often,” he continued.

“Huh, yeah, now that you mention it, she was doing the same to me,” Derpy added.

“I mean…I wasn’t really looking, but we did have History class,” I said, perturbed by her unusual behavior.

“Well, she did say she would look out for you during the interrogation remember?” Derpy pointed out and Hindsight flinched backward.

“Please let’s not bring that up,” he pleaded, causing Derpy to look sheepish.

“Right, right. But yeah, she and Michael offered protection remember?”

“Oh yeah, we did do that,” I said remembering the good cop, bad cop routine. “And she was going around letting people know that the Rejects knew about the Crystal Prepper’s involvement…”

“She did?” he asked, his face going pale.

“Yup. You should’ve seen them squirm,” I said with glee, but his eyes suddenly became shifty.

“Oh man, I thought I’d have more time. Even if she didn’t say I was involved, Adagio might figure it out!” he panicked, suddenly acting eerily similar to Twilight.

“Well, nothing you can do about it now,” I shrugged. “Just hope that Condiment Head is true to her word in acting like the mob.”

And while Derpy comforted and calmed down the other neurotic mess invading my life, I enjoyed the best school lunch I’d had since I was a carefree and idiotically optimistic grade schooler. And I suppose I was still riding that high, because Ditzy was even able to talk me into sharing a piece of my pie with both of them.

And really, I supposed a piece of pie was more than enough payment for services rendered.








GYM


P.E. had been just as hellish as it ever was, and a belly full of pie didn’t exactly adhere to a workout regimen, but I’d be damned if I was gonna upchuck something so beautiful!

So I took it easy…relatively speaking. Thankfully with Flubber around, I was able to slack off on some pushups and sit ups while Spitfire had her back turned. Flubber herself hadn’t looked all that enthused by the workouts, even if she was still able to leave me in the dust for any physical activity, and she looked like she had something on her mind. She never spoke up though, like usual, and I didn’t try to pry.

Us being quiet around each other was par the norm, aside from that night during the thunderstorm, and I felt no need to change that.

But after awhile of taking it easy, I still started to feel queasy. Luckily, at that moment, Coach got a call on her cell and walked away with only a few minutes left in the period.

“Alright Flubber, I’m making a break for it. If I go any further, I’m losing my lunch. Literally,” I said as I crept towards the locker room.

“Th-that isn’t my-“ she started, but I ignored her as I crept past all the others diligently doing their exercises.

Once in the locker room, I changed back into my regular clothes, and took a few deep breaths to settle my stomach.

Alright, next time no baked goods before gym, I thought pensively, as I grabbed my bag and made a break for the exit and into the hallway.

"And just where do you think you're going private?!"

My body reflexively stopped, turned around and straightened out to attention as the insane coach caught me.

"Ma’am! I was just on my way to my locker then to the Vice Principal’s office ma’am!” I bellowed out truthfully to the stern woman standing by the door.

"Oh really?” she said with an unamused look behind her shades. “You thought you’d skip out early without finishing all your exercises?”

"Ma’am, I did finish all my exercises for the day ma’am!" I lied, which was a mistake. She merely shook her head and made a tsking noise which made me break out in a cold sweat.

"Private…" Spitfire began in a sickeningly-sweat tone, "I could have sworn I mentioned how I would know if one of you maggots skipped out. Didn't I say that Bulk?"

"YEAH!" Yelled an overly buff guy as he exited the locker room behind me and made his way down the hall.

"Thank you Bulk," she nodded her head in his direction before leaning closer to me till I was reflected in her sunglasses. "Now since you knew I would know, what dumbass idea did you get to think you could trick me and then lie to my face solider?"

Oh god I can't feel my legs! How can someone smaller then me be so fricking scary!? I thought in terror, my voice lost to me as the pie threatened to come up again.

She must have taken my silence as her answer as she leaned back away from me with a smug grin.

"Well congratulations Bacon, today's your lucky day!"

"...Huh?" I blubbered and she chuckled grimly.

“Well normally I’d have made a deserter like you run laps around the school with weighted ankle bracelets I got in Japan until I’d felt you learned your lesson,” she threatened, and I knew then and there that she was the devil incarnate. “But I know you’re just feeling too big for your britches since you narrowly got vindicated over what those Crystal Prep Scumbags did, so I’ll go easy on you just this once.”

Why am I still not reassured? I thought with dread.

“Wha…what do I have to do ma’am?” I asked, my tongue feeling dry as a bone.

"Well as you know the town's annual Running of the Leaves marathon is this week, which you are required to participate in I might add," she said in a jovial tone and my face paled.

I’d actually forgotten about that! Great! Just great! I mentally grumbled as she continued.

“But this year’s gonna be special,” she said with wild glee. “Everyone’s all riled up to take down the Preppers after what they did, so much so that we might even be able to take the gold from the Changelings as well.”

What is it with these schools and making everything a freaking competition? Not even my old school district had this much spirit at our football games!

"And because of that, two of my best seem to be more pumped up than usual and are even competing against each other!” she said sounding wistful, right before she gave me that horrifying grin again. “And that's where you come in."

“M-ma’am?” I stuttered.

“Privates Dash and Applejack showed so much spirit and aggression in class today that it couldn’t be contained in one hour, so I gave them permission to use the track field for a little competition. It’s good to keep that fire burning bright!”

“W-wait, Applejack and Dash?” I asked apprehensively.

“That’s right private,” she nodded. “They’re my top recruits, and they need an impartial judge to rate their performances.”

My jaw dropped as I understood exactly what she was getting at.

“Me? But why? I suck at sports stuff!” I complained and she smirked.

“Exactly, which makes you the best to rate them from a layman’s perspective,” she pointed out.

“R-Really? I’m the best?” I asked in disbelief.

“Well, the best I can get within five minutes anyway,” she shrugged. “I was gonna oversee their little trials myself, but my boyfriend called needing my help down at the air force base, so I’ve got to run.”

Air Force Base? Wait, you really are in the military?! I thought in shocked realization.

"But of course I wasn't going to force you into it if you had plans. But seeing as how you skipped out on finishing your exercises…” she trailed off in insulation and I gulped.

“W-Well I do have to go see Vice Principal Luna right now and…” I stammered, never happier to have a reason to go to the office. Or at least I was happy until she got up in my face again.

“And is that going to take all evening private?!” she chided.

“No Ma’am!” I shouted on reflex as others left the locker room and gave us a wide berth.

“Then I don’t see what the problem is,” she said in a dangerous tone and the sweat began to fall. “The VP is just gonna say how very sorry she was for the misunderstanding and send you on your way. But when that’s done, you know exactly where you’re headed right?”

“To…to the track field ma’am?” I guessed and she smiled and nodded.

“Very good private,” she said before leaning back and crossing her arms. “But if I hear that you skipped out, well…those ankle weights go up to 50 lbs…”

The pie remnants were right at the bottom of my throat as dread filled me.

“I won’t Ma’am! I’ll be there!” I shouted and she nodded.

“Damn right you will. Now carry on,” she dismissed.

“Yes Ma’am!” I saluted and hurried down the hallway.

I hate this school. I hate this town. I just...hate everything...soooo much right now! I grumbled as I made my way to Luna’s office, dreading whatever Dash and Applejack had in store.

Well whatever the case, I’ll just declare Rainbow the winner of everything because screw that judgmental hick!

And with that, I went to go seek my final piece of satisfaction from a groveling adult before having to deal with more idiocy.

And since Sunset’s gonna be there too, just avoid eye contact or Mr. D is gonna make a joke about it!
> Episode 19: A Sore Winner and Sore Loser Walk into a Contest....
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was nothing more I wanted to do than to just get home, speed through my homework, and then shut my brain off for some therapeutic violence that only video games could provide. But, much to my disappointment, I couldn’t exactly do that.

Stupid Coach Spitfire, stupid ankle weights of death… I mentally grumbled out as I got closer to the back entrance of the school.

I wasn’t about to push my luck by trying to dip out of judging whatever lame contest Rainbow and Applejack were doing. Earning any more of the scary PE teacher’s ire was sure to be a death sentence. Seriously, that woman scares the crap out of me, and pissing her off any more was pretty high on my list of ‘Things to Never, Ever do if I Valued My Continued Existence.’ It was right there above going to Pinkie’s house (where no doubt only madness lied) and just below mentioning the Iguana Incident around my cousin.

Sticky tongues…sticky tongues everywhere, I thought in horror with as my eyes glazed over slightly before I snapped myself out of it. Alright, that’s enough of that!

I pushed the unwanted memory back where it belongs in the depths of my subconscious, and continued on. Thankfully, the walk to the track field was mostly silent with barely any sheep mumbling about or staring. The one bright side of staying after school is the lack of idiots to bother me with their mob mentality and failure to mind their own businesses. And by some saving grace, the few who remained were caught up in their own gossip to even look my way.

"I can't believe those three! How could they betray the school like that!?"

"You're telling me, I knew Adagio could be a bit abrasive, but this was just crossing the line."

"If she thinks I'm still going to vote for her for Princess of the Fall Formal this year she's got another thing coming!"

A smug grin started to form as I heard the gossip surrounding the Dazzlings. Adagio’s outraged face earlier was still satisfying, and hearing the fallout from my vengeance was just icing on the cake.

“But didn’t you hear? The trust fund kid blackmailed them. Surely they wouldn’t have willingly let the Wondercolt get defaced right?” some other girl suggested, causing me to scowl.

“Did they? What dirt could they possibly have on those three?”

“Shimmer and the new guy almost got kicked, and we wouldn’t have known better, so who knows? With deep pockets, anything’s possible.”

“Well if they were getting blackmailed, they should’ve reached out to someone! Two of our own almost got put to pasture.”

I sighed as the herd continued baaing and kept walking.

Gotta give Adagio some credit, she works fast when her reputation is on the line, I mused darkly.

It didn't surprise me in the least that the Dazzlings were already doing damage control over their role in the whole statue mess. Queen bees like Adagio rarely stayed in charge for so long without being able to handle a social crisis or two, and I seriously doubted this was the first time she had to cover her ass from some bad press. And with how cultish the school spirit was, it would have been social suicide if she didn't try and dig her way out of this mess.

They’ve lost the support of a good chunk of the masses thanks to that school spirit, but they’ll still have their loyal simps to defend them, I thought in annoyance as I heard more of the blackmail rumor swirling about. At least for now they won’t try anything over for payback, not while their pride is wounded.

And speaking of wounded pride, my little meeting with Vice Principal Luna had also been extremely satisfying. Enough so that even with the rumor mill whispering about, my spirits didn’t go completely into the dumps. Even still, while the confrontation had been vindictively glorious…it had also gotten a bit weird.

Sunset and I had been sat down beside each other in front of Luna’s desk once again, and let’s just say, the awkwardness between us hadn’t faded. You’d think a whole day of actively avoiding the other’s existence would do the trick of clearing the air, but you’d be wrong! We couldn’t look each other in the eye without scowling and looking away, and even speaking to each other felt stilted, so we sort of gave up on doing so. I still couldn’t wrap my head around why I was acting like such an idiot. I hadn’t intentionally peeped on her, so why was my brain feeling guilty and stupid?!

Thankfully Luna was still dressed up like a Jester and was looking absolutely miserable, so we had an excuse to focus on her instead of each other, but Mr. D was also there, recording the whole thing on his phone, smiling like a loon.

And as apologies went, Luna did seem sincere in her groveling for our forgiveness, as much as adult apologizing to a kid could be. I knew deep down that if we had been hung out to dry like she’d almost allowed, then she would never have thought twice about us, but her utter humiliation thanks to Mr. D felt like I could call it even. So even though it was a formality, I “accepted” her apology, as did Sunset.

To sweeten the deal, the VP even gave us an apology token, or a bribe as I like to call them. Her hush money was two coupon booklets full of free vouchers at many local businesses, something that was usually awarded to the honors students. I happily accepted mine, and was delighted to see that inside were quite a few passes to the Storm King Theater. Bad movie night had just gotten a whole lot better in my opinion, but then my traitorous brain had remembered my last outing with Sunset and I glanced at her. She too had her booklet opened to the theater tickets and had glanced my way. Almost simultaneously, we closed our books and hurriedly looked away from each other, back to our clown of a VP, saying our thanks.

I don’t think Luna noticed our little interaction, but I knew Distorted did, since he turned that mischievous grin towards us. Before I’d even had time to dread that look, Mr. D decided to wrap up Luna’s apology as he brought a pie out of seemingly nowhere and pushed it into her face.

The absurdness of it all left three of us laughing, and one us shaking in pure rage as she ordered us all out. Course that’s when I realized Sunset was laughing naturally again, which led me to clamming up, and in turn caused her to do so as well.

Mr. D took that opportunity to usher us both out while our VP wiped her face off with her own coat, and once we were out in the hallway, he brought out a camera that looked straight from the 80’s and took a picture of us. The flash was brighter than either of us had expected, and left us blinking.

In the midst of our blindness, Distorted mumbled something about ‘sending this to Cady for her blog,’ and then congratulated us once more, before disappearing before our sight returned. When we could both see again, Sunset and I both silently, yet awkwardly went our separate ways, which led to my march towards Coach Spitfire’s indentured servitude.

“Shimmer and her boyfriend are enemies of the Dazzlings, so I don’t know if I buy the blackmail angle,” some girl muttered to her friend, which caused me to groan. This caused both of them to look my way and clam up, but I kept trudging forward.

It was just team-up to avoid mutual destruction, nothing more or less dang it! I mentally complained in embarrassment. I swear, this whole incident better not add more fuel to that rumor!

With my mood quickly souring, I picked up the pace towards my stupid favor owed. My spirits wouldn’t be lifted in the slightest, but a least I’d keep my limbs intact.

Let’s just get this over with, make Rainbow win everything to piss the redneck off, and then get home, I thought bitterly as I finally exited the building and reluctantly headed to every nerd’s bane, the track field.


AT THE TRACK FIELD


“You have got to be kidding me…” I muttered in exasperation as I looked at the sight before me.

When you come to a track competition, you expect the usual fair with lots of boring running, jumping and maybe a pole vault or throwing a metal ball or frisbee to break up the monotony. What you wouldn’t expect is what I was seeing at that moment. An entire menu of literal circus games spread throughout the entire field. Not only that, but there were quite a few students filling the bleachers, and in front of it all was a platform with an announcer’s table, complete with microphone and comically large scoreboard. And speaking of the scoreboard, there were even portraits of Rainbow and the hick just in case you couldn’t figure out who was winning.

I signed on for watching two girls run around in some sort of pissing contest, what the hell’s up with this Olympics BS? I thought in bewilderment before shaking my head. Fricken Spitfire! I should’ve known it couldn’t have been that simple. But seriously, this isn’t even an official sports thing! Where’d they get all this junk?

Of course nobody answered my unspoken grumbling, so I reluctantly trudged my way towards the judging platform.

Guess I can’t just one-sidedly give this to Rainbow, there’s too many witnesses that will cry shenanigans, I thought glumly looking at all crowd waiting for a show. Seriously, do you people have nothing better to do? Or homework to finish? They could have done something simple, but noooo, they just had to make this a whole event! Why do you morons worship school spirit like a god?!

There were still quite a few students making their way towards the bleachers, that my trek wasn’t noticed, but it would only be a matter of time. As I placed my backpack under the judge’s table, I noticed that there was only one chair.

“Oh you-Really? They want to add public speaking to this whole farce too?” I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. I’d dreaded that possibility upon first seeing the table, but I’d foolishly held out hope that some other moron would be handling the talking. “The scoreboard’s there for a reason, why do I have to call out the numbers too?”

“Yo Mike, whatcha doing here man?” a familiar raspy voice called out to me, and I had to force myself not to flinch. Looking up, sure enough was my one time get away driver walking towards me, and hot on her heels was the blonde inbred who hated my guts.

Both girls were still wearing their gym uniforms, and if the sweat stains around their collars and pits were anything to go by, the two had been doing some warm ups before I showed up. That or they were like the feral hogs in the guy’s locker room who seldom washed their clothes and thought a can of deodorant was a shower. But judging from the lack of funk and flies, I’d put my money on the former.

“Hey Dash,” I lazily called out as the two got closer. “And I’m sure even you can see the obvious about what I’m doing.”

Ignoring my sarcasm, Rainbow gave my shoulder a ‘playful’ punch in greeting while Jackie just leveled a distrustful glare my way.

“Oh, it’s that obvious huh?” Rainbow struck an exaggerated thoughtful look before snapping her fingers with eyes wide in realization, “I know, you’re here to cheer me on huh?! I appreciate the loyalty bro!”

“First off, ow,” I began dryly while rubbing my shoulder before continuing, “Second off, if I wasn’t being forced to be here I’d be home right now not caring who wins this…thing!”

At my words Rainbow deflated slightly, which in turn caused AJ’s glare to grow more intense, but any witty retort I had for that look was cut off by Rainbow chuckling.

“Okay yeah, that makes more sense for you. Good to see that even after pulling one over those Dazzle Jerks you’re still as cranky as ever.”

“You know, most people would hope I wouldn’t still be ‘cranky’ as you put it after all that,” I responded with a raised brow.

“Eh, you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t a jerk. If you got too overconfident, I would have had to take ya down a peg or two after all,” Rainbow grinned with a noncommittal shrug.

That’s…I don’t know what to make of that, I thought to myself slightly dumbfounded before the rest of what she said occurred to me.

“Whatever you say, though I doubt anything you could do would do much to me.” I said with a glare. A glare with no effort behind it for some reason.

“Oh, is that a challenge I hear?” she asked with a smirk. “I should warn you, my technique in the art of pranking is second to none.”

“Lady, you haven’t seen anything yet,” I challenged back as a feeling of competition rose within me. “My pranks will make whatever you pull off look like amateur hour, and I guarantee you won’t see them coming till it’s too late.”

“I don’t know, my eyes are pretty perceptive,” she shot back leaning towards me authoritatively.

“If you know what you’re looking for noobie,” I grunted back, giving my own posture of defiance till the point where our foreheads were nearly butting.

Wait…the hell am I doing!? Why am I acting like some shonen protagonist facing off against his rival?

Just as I had that realization a familiar orange arm pushed me back as Jackie got between us looking unamused.

“All right all right, that’s enough outta the both of ya,” she grumbled out before fixing me with a glare, “Ah don’t know why yer getting so gung hoe about pranking of all things, but ah’d appreciate if ya didn’t try and drag Rainbow into whatever tomfoolery yer brand of ‘pranks’ could spice up.”

I wish I knew, I thought earnestly over my behavior. Maybe my victory high is making me overconfident or something? Also, who the hell still says ‘tomfoolery’ nowadays?

“Ah come on AJ, don’t be such a killjoy! Can’t me and my pal here enjoy a bit of pre-prankage banter before the pies fly?” As Rainbow said this she tried to sling her arm around my shoulders, but I thankfully managed to move out of the way before she could.

Ignoring the pseudo-pout she sent my way I rolled my eyes in annoyance before saying,

“First off, not your pal. Secondly, there's no such thing as ‘pre-prankage banter,’ if anything I was just shrugging off that pathetic attempt of intimidation you were trying to pull off.”

Much to my annoyance Rainbow chuckled, not taking my attempt to walk back my earlier posturing seriously.

“You sure are quick to deny being her friend fer someone who’d’ve been hung up ta dry without her help the other day,” Applejack interrupted, sounding offended.

And just like that, my mood soured even more as the earlier conversation with this judgey bitch resurfaced.

“We worked together Jackie, because we had a common enemy, nothing more, nothing less,” I growled back and her scowl deepened. “With how much this school hates Crystal Prep, literally anyone could have helped, but since Rainbow had the fastest car and loosest morals on road safety, we went with her. If anything, you should be thanking me that we made her the getaway driver, cause I’m pretty sure she’d have gotten charged with assault on that rich prick.”

The blonde clearly didn’t like my tone, but any biting comments from her were interrupted.

“Oh yeah, I totally would have, that rich jerk had it coming, and then some!” Rainbow said with no hint of reluctance, causing both me and Applejack to look at her in surprise, which confused her. “…What?”

“Dang it Rainbow,” AJ sighed tiredly.

“What!? It’s true! I know karate after all!” she defended her hypothetical violence.

…why does Sunset’s steel toed vengeance seem more like a mercy now than anything else? I thought apprehensively. I’d only said that to get under the blonde’s skin, but for Rainbow to so readily own it was disturbing. Clearly not liking this conversation just as much, Applejack turned to me.

“Alright look, ah don’t want to chat with ya any longer than ah have to. Now get your bag out from coach’s table and get up in the stands already, and don’t you dare be snide to Pinkie,” she ordered tersely.

Quickly glancing up into the stands, I caught a glimpse of poofy pink hair, before quickly turning back to avoid eye contact.

Of course she’d be here as well. Which means the other three are up there too, I mentally sighed.

“I would if I could Jackie, but sadly the tyrant of the gym gods has demanded my continued presence here.”

“…Huh?” she asked in slack jawed ignorance.

“Yeah, huh?” Rainbow added.

“I swear my wit is wasted on you people,” I grumbled before laying it out clearly. “Coach Spitfire is making me judge this stupid thing so this stupid table is my station, alright?”

At my explanation the two girls just continued to give me blank looks for a few moments before Jackie finally decided to speak up.

“Yer kidding, right?” The doubt and disbelief practically dived out of her mouth as she said that, while the corner of Rainbow’s mouth started to twitch upwards slightly.

“I wish I was cowgirl, truly I do.”

“Yer the judge?”

A snicker escaped Rainbow.

“Apparently,” I said, trying to convey just how much I hated being there.

“Coach Spitfire chose you, of all people, to judge an athletic contest?”

Rainbow began full on guffawing at that.

“Being completely disinterested in physical activity automatically makes me the most impartial. Her words, not mine.” I’m pretty sure a dead fish would’ve sound more enthusiastic than I did.

“...THAT’S COMPLETE HORSEAPPLES!” she bellowed, which echoed across the field and caused everyone else to take interest. Rainbow lost it at that point and rolled on the ground laughing, literally. I on the other hand was rubbing at my ear, not having expected the even-toned girl to suddenly shout like that.

Damn! I didn’t know farming gave you super screeching! What are you a banshee? I thought as my ear did that annoying ringing thing. As my hearing returned, I heard as the audience began to whisper and gossip now that I was once again the center of attention, and that irked me.

“I just cannot believe this!” Applejack continued to rant, her anger fueled by Rainbow’s laughing and I held up my hands in surrender.

“Look, I don’t like it either, I was forced into this you know?” I defended and she shook her head fiercely.

“I thought you were just being an ass and talking about Pinkie forcing you to come, not this!” she growled. “Why didn’t you say no?”

“Really? Say no to the scary lady who can and will torture me with inhumane exercises?” I countered and she paused at that.

“Okay, I’ll give ya that one, but why ain’t she here? She’s the one who helped us set up in the first place?!”

“She got a call from her air force boyfriend or something and was in a hurry. Probably a booty call for all I know, but the point is, she caught me trying to leave class early and forced this whole thing, so don’t get angry at me!” I retorted over Rainbow’s laughing, which was starting to grate on me.

The chatter from the crowd was a dull drone against the tomboy’s laughing, but I could only guess what they were thinking as they tried to figure out what the three of us were doing.

Great, just what I needed. Fuel to reignite the Bacon rumor mill, and my break only just started!

Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one who noticed the attention the three of us were drawing. AJ took a few calming breaths once she noticed the crowd and after a few seconds she fixed me with her usual glare.

“Alright, as much as I don’t trust a varmint like you ah do trust the coach’s judgment. Even if ah think she should have gotten someone better fer the job.”

“Varmint? Really? I know you have the whole cowgirl thing going on but don’t you think that’s kinda pushing the stereotype a bit?” I quipped back, ruffling her feathers.

Also way to contradict yourself in the same sentence. Really showcasing the best of your character there, I silently judged.

“Oh whatever. Point is, ah don’t trust ya as far as ah could throw ya. Which would likely be a lot given yer as skinny as a toothpick.”

“Oh right where it hurts, my weight!” I mock gasped, clutching my heart.

“Yuck it up all ya want, but ah’m serious. If it weren’t fer Coach Spitfire picking ya ah’d be looking for a replacement judge faster than a stampede going downhill in the mud.”

“There’s an image,” I quipped. “But you sound resolved, so I guess you don’t want to get on her bad side either?”

“Ah heck no, who would?” she said truthfully. “Going against her orders, even if ya don’t agree with them is not the key to a healthy school career. Ya do not want to end up like Jimmy.” That last line was said with an ounce of dread which worried me.

“I, uh, take it Jimmy was never heard from again?” I asked hesitantly as my curiosity got the better of me.

“What? No, are ya crazy or something? He’s the school janitor,” she clarified.

“Oh…cause the way you said that made me think th-“

“But they say that when he was a student, he’d had a promising basketball career, until he crossed coach, and all his scholarships dried up,” she interrupted, shuddering at the implications.

“…She has that kind of power?” I asked, only somewhat in disbelief.

“Ah wouldn’t want to risk finding out,” Applejack said definitively.

“…Good point,” I nodded, feeling disturbed. I didn’t have a sports future to worry about, but if the coach truly did have the connections to ruin a student’s life, an academic future would be well within her power.

The military wouldn’t give you that much power, she’s got to be connected to the mob or something, I theorized before coughing into my hand.

“But we’re in agreement, none of us want me here, but it’s all in our best interest to see this through so we can all go home safely.”

“Agreed. Just judge everything fairly and we should all be good,” she insinuated and I had to force myself to look offended.

“Yeah, yeah, like I would fudge this stupid thing,” I lied as I absolutely abandoned my plan to make Rainbow win.

The hick still looked at me suspiciously, adding credence to my theory about her being a living lie detector, but at that moment, Dash stopped rolling around like a fool and wrapped her arm around my shoulder before I could stop her.

“Hey!” I protested, but she held me in place.

“Come on Applejack, Mike here may be a jerk but he ain’t no cheat. He’s got this whole code of honor thing that stops him from doing anything cheating,” Rainbow said, coming to my ‘defense’ with a slightly cocky tone.

“Oh does he now?” Jackie questioned in clear disbelief.

“The Gamer’s Code of Honor only applies to video games and tabletop rpgs, not sports Skittle brain!” I argued as I tried to wriggle out of her grasp. “And for the last time, personal space! Let me go already yo-oof!”

My line of insults was cut short as Rainbow finally let me go, through sadly it ended with me eating a face full of dirt. Grumbling, and ignoring the giggles from the stand, I stood up, dusted myself off and glared at a smirking Rainbow.

“How many times do I need to explain to you Pinkie associates what a ‘personal bubble’ is?!” I growled out, which only made Rainbow chuckle much to my annoyance.

“Come on Mike, bubbles are meant to be popped,” she countered and I felt my blood start to boil.

“So are tires,” I threatened, which actually caught her off guard, but I turned to the hillbilly to cut off that conversation. “Look, we’ve wasted enough time as it is. Let’s just get this dog and pony show started so we can all go home? My code doesn’t apply to sports, but I’m not dumb enough to cross Spitfire, alright?”

“Alright fine, ah ain’t too stubborn enough to keep harping on this. Ah’ve got my eye on you though, so watch yerself pardner!”

With her piece said she turned around and made her way to what I could only guess was the starting event for the contest.

“ ‘Ah’ve got my eye on you,’” I muttered sarcastically, with a mock southern drawl when she was out of earshot. “Why don’t you get an eye on that giant stick up you’re a-OW!”

My back felt tingly where Rainbow had slapped it and I turned to scowl at her.

“Quit grumbling, this is gonna be fun Mike,” she encouraged.

“I highly doubt that. And don’t act all chummy thinking I’m gonna rig the system for you,” I threatened and she rolled her eyes playfully.

“Its all good man, I trust ya to keep things fair. Just wanted to wish you luck with the judging. Make sure to really emphasize how awesome I am in the play-by-play alright?! And maybe then I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that thing about my tires.”

With that she winked and then jogged after Applejack before I could get a word in edge wise. Not that I would have said anything though, because I was feeling speechless. The sincerity of her words had taken me aback, as if she really, truly did trust me to keep things fair. That trust left an uncomfortable yet familiar…warmth to flare up in my chest. But just as quickly as it came, it was replaced by the much more comfortable annoyance and apprehension.

Whatever, like I said earlier, there are too many witnesses to actually tweak things. Like I need your trust for that…

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I took my seat behind the table, which got a few conversations going in the stands behind me.

Yeah, yeah, chat it up, I don’t owe you lot any explanations, I though in annoyance, before something Rainbow said registered with me.

“Wait a second, she said play-by-play…They’re not expecting me to do sports commentary for the whole thing are they?!”

“YEAH!!!” a sudden shout answered me, nearly knocking me out of my chair in shock.

“The hell?!” I gasped as I looked to the walking steroid factory that had somehow snuck up behind me. I’d seen the blonde behemoth before in several classes, but never bothered to learn his name. Even if I’d been curious enough to ask, I’d felt he’d try to eat me or something.

Without saying another word, the brute shoved a stack of index cards into my chest, which nearly bowled me over.

“Oof!” I grunted, grasping the cards and rebalancing my chair. The walking mass of muscles then gave me a thumbs up, before turning around and walking back into the stands.

“…What was that about?” I asked, just as another guy from gym class walked up.

“Coach told Bulk to hand those off for her and make sure you had some sort of guidance since you don’t know jack about sports, and I’m here to make sure you actually read em,” said the obvious athlete in front of me with a hint of reluctance. He wasn’t built like Roid Rage, but he was pretty fit. His mohawk on the other hand, was kind of tacky in my opinion.

Drawing my eyes away from his hair do, I flipped through the cards, which had the names of the various events about to unfold, as well as bullet points for “Talking Points.”

So yes, as the Incredible Hulk had just answered, Yes. Yes they did expect me to do commentary.

“Oh GOD DAMN-”


—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“SON OF A BITCH!”

My shout was followed by unwanted laughter from those in the stands as I ducked before the speeding football could take my head off.

She only kicked it! How the hell was it moving that fast?! I wondered as I tried to get my heart rate under control. Ignoring the giggles from the unsympathetic audience who didn’t care that I was almost a victim of sports homicide, I grasped the mic and pulled myself up from my squatting position and stared daggers at the redneck.

She in turn whistled innocently like a cartoon character, just to drive home that she’d done it on purpose.

Oh you slimy little hick! I growled mentally, having half a mind to deny her the point to spite her, even if she was able to kick the football farther than Rainbow. I guess my desires were clear as day in that regard, because the mohawk gym rat gave a fake little cough to get my attention. Turning to him, he rolled his hand at me to get on with it.

“I got it, I got it! Just give me a chance to breathe, God!” I complained, which was picked up by the microphone, causing the audience to laugh at my misery again.

Apparently Jackie’s little worries about me rigging the game were all for naught, since Spitfire had taken extra precautions. Mohawk wasn’t just there to make sure I read the cards, I could tell he was acting as referee for me, the referee!



On one hand, I was impressed that she’d thought that far ahead with how much of a hurry she’d been to get to her boyfriend, but on the other hand, it was kind of screwed up that she held that little faith in me. Of course, it was warranted, but still.

On the plus side, at least Mohawk didn’t seem to be enjoying being a warden any more than I enjoyed him looking over my shoulder.

Can’t really blame the guy, I know better than to ignore that scary lady’s orders, I reckoned. Heck, he probably pissed her off in gym today as well, and that’s why he’s here.

Having finally gotten back into my seat, and my adrenaline under control, I spoke into the microphone.

“With great reluctance I have to give Applejack the point for this round, boy howdy does that cowgirl know how to kick em good! Ugh…” I groaned in disgust at the phrase as the crowd cheered for my attempted murderer.

Not only did the notecards roid rage gave me have instructions for what each of the events were and how to introduce them/judge them, they also had a list of phrases to say when either Rainbow or the hick won a specific event. And as expected from this crazy school, the phrases were all disgustingly optimistic and corny, to the point they brought physical pain to me. Everyone else though, ate it up like it was a buffet.

Morons, the whole lot of you, I thought maliciously as I went to change the scores and give the bitch her blood point, but to my surprise, her points had already changed. Confused, I looked at Mohawk who just shrugged and pointed to the ground at the football that’d almost beaned me. Looking back at AJ, she had gloating smirk on her face as she basked in the cheers.

“…You know, I’d be more impressed at the cartoon logic if I wasn’t so pissed,” I said aloud, this time blocking the mic with my hand. Mohawk, thinking I was talking to him just grunted and shrugged. “Also, she’s part of the Pinkie Brigade, so it’s not as surprising as it should be.”

Speaking of the pink menace

“MIKEY!!! You’re blocking the microphone, we can’t hear you!!!”

Sighing I looked back up into the crowd at Pinkie who was jumping up and down like the usual spazz she was.

“Mikey! Your hands blocking!” she called out again. “Mikey! Mikey! Mi-“

“I Know!” I said into the microphone a little forcefully, but she smiled at that.

“Okay! Just making sure!” And with that said, she sat back down amongst the rest of her friends as everyone else shared another aggravating giggle.

When the competition started, and everyone around realized I was the announcer, Pinkie had tried to jump up on stage with me so that she could help and provide witty banter. I’d been saved unexpectedly by Flubber who’d used her freakishly hidden strength to pull the sugar junkie back and began explaining my situation. She had been my gym partner earlier before I’d tried to duck out and gotten in trouble, so I wasn’t too surprised that she knew I was here under duress. The second Pinkie realized I was under Spitfire’s thumb, she looked at me sympathetically before saluting and shouting,

“You’re gonna do a great job Mikey! I’ll cheer for you just as much as for Dashie and Applejack!”

“Please don’t,” I’d pleaded, but of course that had been in vain. Every once in awhile she would shout words of “encouragement” since I wasn’t enthusiastically reading the cards, and if I ever looked up and caught her eye, she’d wave excitedly.

The other girls at least had the decency to watch the actual match and not make my job more tumultuous. Well, at least Flubber and Rarity did, Twilight was multitasking watching and reading some manga I couldn’t identify from this distance.

Even now, I still felt envious that she was reading something she wanted while I was reading off some painfully cheesy crap by force.

With Pinkie now sitting down, and to avoid getting hurried along by Mr. 80’s haircut, I cleared my throat and lifted the next card.

“Alright folks, next up in the Iron Pony Competition,” my eye twitched every time I read the ridiculous name. “It's a fan favorite for all. Stretch those arms and hope you have good equilibrium, it's time for a push-up off.”

Pushing the microphone away I grumbled to myself as everyone cheered.

“Seriously? Push-up off? That doesn’t even roll of the tongue well. And what’s up with this school’s infatuation with horses? Was the founder a perpetual 9 year old girl?”

The two competitors made their way closer to my podium, and there was visible tension between them. Applejack was basking in her recent victory, while Rainbow grit her teeth and made an effort to stretch her arms intensely.

Ever since the third event, which was a literal hammer game from a carnival, the two had started trash talking each other, with jabs and ribbing and the like, but it had gotten more intense and serious after each subsequent event. This was no longer a ‘friendly competition’ as far as I could tell, because the two looked like they could snap at any moment and this would turn into a cat fight.

Applejack’s bragging and playing to the crowd was a mock of how Rainbow would showboat and play to her ego every time she won, and now the hick was throwing it back in her face. It was clearly effective, because Dash was practically snarling. It didn’t help that she’d had a tremendous lead in the beginning, but was now tied with the southerner and was probably running on fumes because her endurance wasn’t as good as someone who lived and breathed farm life.

And because she was falling behind, the tomboy was trying to make up for it with style, which had led to some funny failures. I’d actually chuckled when she’d somehow tied herself to a fence post, but with that came another point for my enemy, so it was tempered.

But yeah, with the way things were going, Rainbow was either gonna pass out soon from exhaustion, or from a right hook. Either way, that would be an end to this whole thing.

“Right,” I began, once again making sure my tone was as unenthusiastic as possible, “The rules of this one are pretty simple, but I still need to explain things because apparently the concept of a push-up is hard to grasp for you lot.”

A few folks, including Jackie took offense to that and I heard some boos behind me, but it gave me satisfaction. I was still reading the cards, so I was still following the rules, but no one said getting some jabs in was illegal. Smirking, I continued my commentary.

“Basically, both of you are going to start at the same time. First one to reach a hundred or last longer than the other wins. No trying to interfere with each other or that's an automatic loss for you. We clear?”

The blonde simply nodded at this, but Rainbow got an idiotic, cocky grin on her face before asking,

“Crystal clear, but I gotta know. Is there any rules against doing the whole thing with one arm?”

Yep, I knew she was going to say something stupid, I thought looking at her incredulously.

“Uh Rainbow, ya sure that’s a good i-”

“Of course it's a good idea!” Rainbow interrupted the redneck’s concern with a dismissive wave. “Gotta give my adoring public something to be amazed by after all, and what better way to do that then by beating you with one arm behind my back?”

“Look, ah git that yer confident Dash but ah just don’t think its ah good idea to strain yerself,” she responded, clearly annoyed by her friend’s cocky tone. “Ah don’t want to win cause ya got too cocky for yer own good.”

Apparently those were the wrong choice of words as Rainbow’s eyes blazed with fury.

“And what’s that supposed to mean!?” she challenged, and the hick met that rage with her own.

“Oh nothing, just that I’d rather win fair and square and not cause ya bit off more than ya could chew like usual!”

“I could beat you with both arms tied behind my back!” Rainbow argued.

“Right, and ah suppose ya can defy gravity now? Ya kinda need yer arms to do a push up Dash.”

“Wait! I-You know what I meant!” Rainbow sputtered in embarrassment. “You’re just afraid because you know I’m right!”

For two supposed best friends, I’m not seeing any ‘friendly’ energy between you right now, I thought tiredly as I looked up to the stands. Instead of being apprehensive or shocked, the crowd just seemed to be even more invested now that the two were practically butting heads. Even the Pinkie Brigade didn’t seem surprised by this behavior.

Hell, if that’s how they treat their friends, no wonder Pinkie thinks she can convert me! They probably think my assholishness is normal! I thought apprehensively.

Looking back to the squabble, their foreheads were nearly touching, and their teeth were on full display. If this were an anime, there’d probably be a lightning clash between them.

“I think they’ve wasted enough time, right?” I asked to my warden. When he didn’t respond, I looked to him and realized he was paying me no mind. In fact, his only focus was on the two girls near their breaking point…and he looked excited to the point that his face was flushed.

The hell? Do you want them to fight? I thought a bit creeped out. Deciding not to waste my time on whatever problems he had, I turned back to the screaming toddlers.

“Hey! HEY!” I shouted, which caused both of them to turn their ire to me.

“What!?” they shouted in unison.

"Unless the two of you want to change the event to 'who can best beat the shit out of who', I'd advise you shut up and actually get into position for the push-ups already!"

This caused both of them to look dumbfounded, especially since I’d directly said that into the microphone, letting everyone in on the conversation. There were a few gasps in the crowd, but more than enough laughs to make up for them.

"On second thought, just go ahead and brawl already. The least you can do is let me finally go home instead of wasting my time by bickering like idiots."

My insults seemed to finally snap the two out of it, with Jackie giving me her usual glare while Rainbow...looked embarrassed for some reason?

Huh, figured she was always gung-ho about fighting, I pondered as the hick lay into me.

"Now what kinda of malarky are you spewing? Ah ain't gonna throw down with ma best friend just cause you want to be a layabout faster!"

"Easy there Dolly Parton, I'm just doing my job here,” I said snidely, holding my hands up in mock defense. “Not my fault you two looked like rabid cage fighting dogs about to pounce."

To her credit, the blonde had the decency to look a bit embarrassed at that as she made more excuses.

"We weren't fighting Bacon, just...having a slight disagreement is all."

"Right, and I'm here willingly because I enjoy the rich school spirit seeping from the crowd,” I deadpanned, which she did not appreciate. Turning to other problem child I asked, "Now do you have anything to say that isn't some pathetic trash talk or can we get this over with?"

Giving one last glare to her ‘friend’, Rainbow turned towards me with eyes burning with determination and cockiness.

“I’m doing this one handed, got that Mike?”

Sighing, I asked redundantly,

“If I say no will you actually listen to me or just do it anyway?” In response, she only raised a brow as if it were obvious and I threw my hands up in defeat. "Fine, go ahead. Just don't blame me when you pass out from exhaustion."

“Oh come on! Not you too! This is child’s play for me Mike, just you wait and see!” she whined as she got onto her knees and placed only her right hand on the ground and placed her left arm behind her back. “Ready when you are AJ!”

Looking to the redneck she just sighed and looked at me in frustration.

“I hate when you and I agree on something,” she told me plainly as she too got down on the ground.

“Ditto. Now get ready for whatever way you do your pushups,” I said dismissively as I sat back down and picked up the microphone.

“In a shocking turn of events that will literally shock nobody, your precious soccer star is going to be doing all the push ups one handed, yay,” I said unenthusiastically, which still got everyone cheering. “And for the record, this is her idea, and not mine for when this ends badly and you all want to blame someone!”

“Ahem,” Mohawk urged, interrupting my trash talking and I just shook my head at him.

“I’m reading it, I’m reading it!” I placated as I picked up the next card and nearly threw up from the stupidity written on it.

“Oh you’ve got to be…*Sigh* Alright, ladies and gentle-colts,” I winced so hard my brain hurt, “Our contestants are ready to show us the power of the upper body. Who’s ready for some pushups?”

Despite my lackluster tone the herd exploded in cheers for both girls, the loudest of course being a certain pink bane of my life.

"THAT'S RIGHT MIKEY, YOU SHOW THAT MIC WHOSE BOSS! LET LOOSE THE HYPE LIKE YOU WERE BORN TO!" she yelled, earning more mocking laughter for my expense.

"Thank you Pinkie for that unneeded cheer,” I growled out in embarrassment over the loudspeaker, “But I think our competitors need your cheers more than me!"

"OF COURSE THEY DO! WOO-HOOO! GO DASHIE! GO AJ! SHOW GRAVITY WHO’S THE BOSS! YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!"

Everyone started cheering more at this, and I questioned why Spitfire didn’t just have the walking migraine be the announcer.

Just to torture me no doubt. Why didn't I let that football kill me? I thought, rubbing my temple, before finishing the card text.

"Now folks, make sure to count along so our contestants know just how close to victory they are." The volume from the raving crowd increased so much at that declaration that I wondered if the next town over would issue noise complaints. Not knowing if they would even hear me, I asked the two athletes, "You two ready to start?"

“Ah’m definitely ready to put this braggart in her place, if that’s what yer asking,” the cowpoke said confidently.

"I'm ready to show this cowgirl what a real athlete can do!" Rainbow retorted.

"Lovely, looks like they're ready. Now three two one go," I announced over the roar. Almost immediately the two began flexing their arms as the crowd counted their progress.

"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!-"

And as I tuned the crowd out to white noise in the background, I kept a close watch on the two girls to ensure that no foul play could occur. With Rainbow only having one arm on the ground, all the hick would have to do is quickly nudge her competition and it would all be over. Truthfully, I felt like Applejack would rather hug me and call me her best buddy before she would resort to cheating, but with both of their tempers flaring, I had to make sure. Not by choice mind you, but if I didn’t catch it then I would be a dead man come next gym class.

So yes, I kept my gaze mostly on the farmer, because even without her self chosen disadvantage, I just didn’t peg Rainbow as a cheater. She may have been a loud, obnoxious moron who was gullible enough to believe rumors from people she hated, but when it came to sports, something told me she held them sacred.

It wasn’t so much blind trust, nor was it logical reasoning, because I knew Rainbow wasn’t going to win anyway with only one arm. It was just my inability to truly be impartial. Maybe some of Pinkie’s pinkieness rubbed off on me over the weekend, or more likely it fueled my pettiness, because I still preferred the annoying getaway driver over Ms. Hillbitchy.

That was a pipe dream though, because Rainbow was bright red and her arm started shaking with effort, while the redneck was still going steady.

"SIXTY-SEVEN! SIXTY-EIGHT! SIXTY-NINE!"

“Nice…” my warden whispered behind me, causing me to roll my eyes.

“Really?” I groaned at the immaturity as I took my gaze from the two and glared at him. He didn’t notice, nor hear me though as his attention was…elsewhere. Technically he was still watching the two girls like everyone else in the stands, but his gaze was a little further down and to the back. I was so shocked and surprised by the flushed, stupid, slack jawed look on his face, that I was momentarily speechless. He was literally drooling, and he’d bent himself forward to hide his “excitement.”

“Dude!” I chastised the pervert, covering the microphone. That managed to break his leering and he turned to me, looking like a kid who got their hands caught in the cookie jar. “Are you for real?”

“Wh-what? No! I was just, tying my shoe!” he yelped as he crouched further, trying to mimic his lie. “Just tying my shoe, heh heh.” As his shoelaces were both clearly not untied, he haphazardly undid them, just to retie them before sitting cross legged.

“Uh-huh, and why are you sitting on the ground?” I monotoned, not buying his excuses.

“…It’s comfy?” he guessed, while his eyes twitched and he laughed nervously.

I wonder if Spitfire will be more lenient towards me if I rat him out for perving on her supposed star athletes? I wondered maliciously. The look on my face must have telegraphed my thoughts, because he started to sweat and look pitiful. Nah, better to use it to my advantage instead.

“Alright peeping tom, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll overlook this, but you get off my ass over the cards and report to Spitfire that I did a good job,” I negotiated.

“Yup! Sounds good,” he nodded too quickly.

“Good. And quit leering so obviously! Those girls can and will send you to the hospital,” I warned, and he had the decency to flinch in shame. With that, I turned back to my judging duties, and I knew I wouldn’t have to be their much longer.

Looks like that's another loss for Rainbow, should have stopped the showboating when you had the chance, I thought, feeling somewhat resentful that Jackie was gonna win. As anyone with a brain stem could have predicted, doing one armed push-ups after countless other exhausting exercises was not smart. She’d done well enough to keep pace with Jackie, but she was now at her limit and was one pushup behind. Her face was redder than a tomato, her teeth were bared, and her whole body shook from effort, and there was no chance of her catching up now.

“NINETY-FOUR! NINETY-FIVE! NINETY-SIX!” the crowd chanted as Applejack cruised down the metaphorical finish line.

At least this stupid thing is over now, I thought hopefully as I pulled up the card and started pre-emptively reading the hick’s victory text at the 98th pushup.

"And with that, the winner is the ever stalwart-"

"Ah! *thud*"

"...Rainbow?" I finished in utter confusion as I stared at the scene before me.

Right at push-up 99, Applejack had suddenly collapsed, and began rubbing at her eyes with both hands while coughing. At that exact moment, Dash had also wobbled like crazy and nearly fallen, with her arm shooting out to the side, but with some herculean effort, she’d been able to stick the landing, and successfully gained her 99th.

The crowd did not expect this upset, and cheered in both surprise and excitement as I confusedly called Rainbow the victor. And while the crowd was hooting and hollering, I tried to analyze what I’d seen, and what was happening then and now.

Applejack was cursing to herself and rubbing at her watery eyes, but they weren’t tears of sorrow, but tears of irritation. Specifically, from dirt as the tears left slight tracks of mud on her cheeks.

Wait, did Dash really just cheat? I wondered in bafflement, trying to figure out the logistics of her throwing dirt in the hick’s eyes from her position. That train of thought was squashed however when I looked at saw her face. She looked utterly gobsmacked looking at her friend lying on the ground, and at the crowd cheering her name. Or maybe not.

I’d seen enough people get caught doing something wrong to tell the difference between genuine shock and a façade, and I knew for a fact she wasn’t a better actor than Mohawk. She hadn’t expected this any more than the crowd or I had. Her shock and surprise was quickly masked though by elation as she put her knees down and shakily raised both hands in the air and cheered.

"Aw-yeah! Who’s awesome? I'm awesome! Take that Applejack! I told you I could beat you with only one hand!" Rainbow exclaimed cockily while pointing at her downed foe. Said hand did have dirt on it, but that wasn’t surprising as both of them had been competing in the dirt between the track and stands. My best guess was that when she’d lost her balance and wobbled about, she’d kicked up some dirt trying to regain her balance, and Jackie had just had the misfortune of leaning her face down into it.

Shrugging, I put the stupid card down while sending a smirk at Mowhawk, who’d “recovered” himself enough to stand, and went off script.

“Well folks, either through sheer fluke or an act of God, Rainbow Dash wins at push-ups,” I announced, flipping the point card, to which the crowd all whooped.

“Hell yeah!” Rainbow cheered and wobbled to her feet.

Deciding to move on, and finally finish this whole thing, I cleared my throat and began to announce the next event.

"Now wait just a gosh darn second!"

Or at least I would have if Jackie didn't storm over to me like a pissed off rodeo bull. Rainbow, and her screeching adoring public failed to notice the farm girl’s shout, so in a way, it was just her and me.

Well this should be fun, I thought dryly.

"And what seems to be the problem cowgirl?" I mocked, feigning ignorance. To my surprise though, she did not rise to my insult and just pointed at the showboating Dash menacingly.

"Mah problem is ya gave that win to that cheating cheat!"

"Wow a bit quick to point fingers at your friend there. I never took you for a sore loser."

"Oh please!" she huffed in annoyance, "Ah may be stubborn but ah ain't no sore loser. Ah was gonna win that and ya know it, but then Rainbow over there threw dirt in mah eyes and made me lose mah balance!

“Alright look, I can see why you think that,” I relented trying to ease her down. “But Rainbow didn’t do that on purpose.”

“You’ve gotta be kiddin me?!” she growled in disbelief.

“It’s true! I know you were in the zone with your push-ups, but she was struggling during that last stretch and wobbled like top, and that’s how the dirt got kicked up. It was an unfortunate accident, but nothing premeditated,” I stated confidently, and that only caused her jaw to clench tighter.

"And how am I supposed to know if yer telling the truth?" she countered, her voice laden with skepticism.

“Well if my imminent torture via Spitfire hanging over my head isn’t enough for you, then how about the friggen logistics it would take for Rainbow to do what you claimed she did?” I huffed. “She almost ate it back there, so you really think she would have risked that just to pull something that dirty?”

“High risk, high reward,” she countered stubbornly and I just threw my hands up.

“Fine, believe what you want, it doesn’t change the truth Jackie!” I grunted in frustration. “But I’m not playing favorites, because I have no favorites here! And you damn well know that’s the truth.”

She frowned at that declaration and squinted her eyes at me before accusing,

“I ain’t too sure on that one anymore.”

“What?!” I exclaimed before shaking my head. “Look, I ain’t drinking the kool aid, I’m not becoming Rainbow’s buddy!”

“Or so you claim,” she argued like the brick wall she was. “But whatever the case, I know you hate me more than you find my friend annoying…”

And with that she stomped away, heading to the next event with a chip on her shoulder and a stick up her ass.

…As if you’re being a good friend to her right now, I thought bitterly as she got further away. Being in the court of Pie, she and the rest treat friendship like it’s the friggen gospel, but a little bit of annoyance and you’re all at each other’s throats! Hypocrites! It’s always the same, no matter where you go! Behind closed doors your true colors shine and you backstab those who trusted you for no god damned reas-

"Geez, what did you do to piss off AJ this time Mike?" Rainbow questioned while looking at the cowgirl, pulling me out of my thoughts. I hadn’t even noticed her walking up.

Quit thinking about that stuff! It’s dead and buried!

“…Mike?” Rainbow asked, looking towards my silence.

"Who knows, maybe I looked at her funny and she didn't like it?" I lied through my teeth, pushing unpleasant memories down where they belonged.

"Hehehe yeah that sounds right,” she chuckled, thankfully oblivious to my thoughts. “Truth be told, I’d be upset too if I’d lost to her the same way. But them’s the breaks.”

“Yeah, well, some people just can’t handle ridiculously good luck,” I responded.

“What do you mean luck, that was all skill,” she boasted cockily and I rolled my eyes.

“Sure, yeah, let’s call it that.”

“I will. Now if you’ll excuse me, I've got a competition to win!"

With that hearty declaration Rainbow jogged towards her sulking “friend”, waving and showing off to the crowd as she did so. That cocksure attitude almost made me change my mind about not telling her about the hick’s accusations. Almost. I didn’t want to drag this crap out any longer with their arguing, so I decided to let it go. Also, I didn’t want to risk anymore introspection.

Three more events Bacon, just three more and you’re home free.

“You, uh, you didn’t say anything to them did you?” asked my chaperone nervously and I just gave him a reproachful look.

“No. Why? You want me to?” I baited.

“Oh heck no,” he said fearfully.

“Then shut up and keep your end of the bargain Mohawk,” I grunted as I pulled out the next card and skimmed through it.

“Um, my name is Thun-“

“I don’t care,” I cut him off before speaking back into the mic. “Alright, there’s only three things left, and it’s getting late so let’s wrap this up without incident!”

“YEAH!!!” the steroid abuser called from the crowd.

Without incident? Ha! One can only hope, I thought pessimistically as I saw the tension between Rainbow and Applejack boiling over.


—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"AH KNOW YOU WERE CHEATING!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T CHEAT!"

I hate it when I'm right.

Through some sort of twisted form of karma for being such a nag, Applejack ended up losing the last three events to Rainbow Dash, allowing the exhausted soccer player to win the entire competition. Which would have been just fine, if the hick didn’t insist on collusion and foul play.

“I was all just accidents and coincidences Applejack!”

“Four times ain’t coincidence, it’s conspiracy!”

Normally I would have had to agree with the hick, but having seen it with my own eyes, I knew the bad luck that befell her was just that, bad luck. I don’t know if she walked under a ladder and stepped on a black cat, because nothing went right for her.

“Mah shoes were tied before you knelt down on the ground!”

“I was stretching!!!”

During the long jump, one of her shoes had somehow come undone, which caused her to faceplant into the sand. Already fuming after the push-ups, she’d gotten worse after Dash started laughing. That anger had seemingly worked against her during the next event.

“Ah own chickens! I know how to handle them! But mine run off while you gather yerrs so easily?!”

“Fluttershy said you were scaring them!”

I guess some sort of agriculture club or something had class chickens on site, because they loosed them onto the field and had the girls chase them for the Chicken Capture. Dash, being faster was able to scoop up her poultry, but the redneck’s chickens must have feared her rage more, because they evaded capture as if their lives depended on it. In the end, her birds had escaped the field, and a few hippie looking folks, including Flubber went to track them down.

“Ya could barely even hold the rope after the push-ups! Who’d ya have throw that ball at me?!”

“Nobody!!! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!”

During the tug of war match, which was something everyone banked Jackie on winning, a rogue tennis ball from one of the nearby courts smacked her in the ear, causing her to stumble and for the severely weaker Rainbow to tug her across the line.

With these three misfortunes right after the push-ups, and my declaring Rainbow Dash the winner of everything, she’d glared me down as if I’d had something to do with it. Her suspicions she’d accused to me before had cemented themselves as fact, and she was on a warpath.

Thankfully for small mercies the cowgirl had the decency to wait till after the crowd left to confront Rainbow instead of causing a big fuss in front of them. Unfortunately, I wasn’t among those cleared out and instead had front row seats to the shouting match.

"Are you sure you didn't do anything to set her off Darling? Heaven knows you can be a bit of a button pusher for dear Applejack."

"For the last time Rarity, I didn't do anything! Jackie is just being a sore loser and Rainbow a sore winner, it’s as plain and simple as that!" I grunted out as I continued in my efforts to slip my arm from Pinkie’s death grip.

“Hehehe, that tickles Mikey, stop it,” the pink menace giggled as my efforts were in vain.

And I thought Flubber beating me out in gym was a blow to my self-esteem. Why is everyone so freakishly strong here!?

While Rainbow and Applejack argued, the rest of the Pinkie Brigade stood awkwardly to the side watching, somewhat anxiously, but not surprised. From some remarks grumbled by Twilight, I got the impression that this wasn’t the first time these two butted heads.
As for how I got roped into that sideline, I’d gone to retrieve the prop trophy that Rainbow had won so I could return it to Spitfire’s office. The pictures she took with it would be posted on the school site, but the stupid thing was still my responsibility. When the shouting started, Pinkie had latched onto my arm and not let go.

“Quit crying just because I’m a better athlete than you!” Rainbow shouted, holding the trophy aloft.

“Ah ain’t crying! And you ain’t better if you got it dishonestly!” Applejack roared back, their argument becoming even more intense.

"I had a feeling this competition was a bad idea. Oh, why didn't I try and stop them!" Twilight muttered loudly, her neurotic nature taking center stage as she started to pace back and forth in worry.

"Oh darling relax, we both know those two would have done this regardless of what anyone said," Rarity said with a comforting tone, placing a hand on Twilight's shoulder as she continued, "Besides, those two will tire each other out sooner or later and it'll be the same as usual in no time."

Yeah, because that totally sounds like something that happens in a healthy friendship! I thought dourly.

"Yeah Twilight, just relaxxxxxxx," Pinkie rolled out with a chill tone, for some reason using me as a wall as she leaned on me in an exaggerated fashion, "AJ and Dashie are just getting into the competitive spirit is all! They'll calm down in no time, you'll see!"

While Pinkie’s words managed to somehow calm down the nerdy girl, I couldn’t help but eye her skeptically. Because while she put on airs about relaxing, every time her two friends shouted, I could feel her grip on me tense. She was probably just as anxious as Twilight over the whole thing, if not more so, and the last thing I wanted was to be her support pillar.

"Pinkie," I said tersely.

"Yes Mikey?" she asked, actually managing to sound innocent as she looked at me.

"Get off me. Now."

At my angry tone Pinkie giggled sheepishly and quickly stopped leaning on me. Her arm still stayed interlocked with mine however, though the grip was noticeably lessened.

"Oops, sorry Mikey!" she said, keeping up her carefree façade.

"If you were really sorry, you'd let go!" I grumbled out, though I stopped trying to pull my arm from her. With how anxious she was, and with how tense the arguing was making the atmosphere, the last thing I needed was her crying and somehow having this all come down on my head again. Along with that unneeded headache…I guess I just didn’t want to see her get to that state again. Having heard her over the phone had been bad enough after the party disaster…

And really the only reason she was latching onto me was because Twilight wasn’t someone to lean on, and Rarity was too busy having Flubber haphazardly hiding behind her.

“Oh, this is starting to sound really bad though…” she said nervously, peeking around the fashionista. “It’s like when Sunset…”

“It’s nothing like The Incident darling!” Rarity said rather too quickly.

There’s that Incident talk again, I thought curiously as I felt Pinkie’s hold spasm slightly. Looking over I saw as Rarity took the meek girl’s hand and gave it a squeeze, and tried to put on a brave face.

“Rainbow and Applejack won’t get to that point, not over something as silly as this,” she tried to placate…but I noticed that her own eyes looked rather apprehensive. Flubber however, didn’t see what I saw.

“Y-You’re right. No matter how tense this is, it’ll all work out in the end,” she said to herself with a small smile.

“Until they start choking one another Flubber,” I said, being the realist of the group, which earned me a glare from Twilight and Rarity. “Are you lot sure this is the best method? Not group hugging and singing kumbaya like you normally do?”

“We have never once sang that,” Rarity huffed.

“We have done group hugs before, but now’s not the time for that Mikey,” Pinkie lectured.

“And they won’t get physical with one another, their track record wouldn’t support that,” Twilight admonished.

“There’s a first time for everything, especially if someone’s whining and calling you a cheater,” I countered. Surprisingly, it was Flubber who argued against that.

“D-don’t worry Mr. Bacon, there have been arguments like this before. They won’t hurt each other physically. Even now their yelling is lessening,” she pointed out. Sure enough, the screaming had dwindled to more room level bickering.

Maybe not physically, but emotional damage is still on the table.

"A-also I’ve told you before, my name isn’t Flub-“

"ARE YA OUT OF YER MIND?!"

Whatever my gym partner was about to say was cut off as the hillbilly decided to pump up the volume once more, and Pinkie clung to me more.

“And there they go again,” Twilight sighed while Rarity facepalmed. Flubber on the other hand looked more upset over being proven wrong and interrupted as she puffed out her cheeks and frowned.

Huh, guess even she has a breaking point, I observed as she pouted in a rather adorable way.

“Don’t worry girls, I’m sure that was just one last little hiccup,” Pinkie announced, trying to get everyone’s spirits back up. And even as she said that, both of the arguing jocks started to talk in hushed tones. Whatever they were discussing was obviously getting on Jackie's nerves going by her expression, while Rainbow on the other hand only looked extremely smug and confident about what they were talking about.

"Anyone else more concerned with this then the arguing?" I couldn't help but ask, and was surprised to get nods of agreement from the others.

Eventually the hushed conversation ceased between the two as they spit into their hands and shook, much to mine and Rarity's disgust. Her disgust was much more vocal than mine of course.

"Oh that is simply dreadful! All those germs and the saliva and, ewwwww!" she whined, squinting her eyes shut and gagging.

“Yeah, just…why?” I agreed.

Despite our grossed out feelings, once the two were done shaking hands, they stalked off in separate directions, faces steepened in anger and determination.

“Aw, glad that’s all over with,” Pinkie sighed, finally letting my arm go.

“I don’t think so Pinkie, whatever they agreed to, they’re still clearly frustrated,” Twilight observed.

“Mmhmm,” Flubber agreed with a slight nod.

“Well as long as it’s done now, I can finally go home and-Oh wait!” I suddenly realized and jogged towards the soccer star. “Rainbow! I need the trophy back for Spitfire!”

She paused at that and half turned to me.

“Oh right, here ya go,” she said plainly and underhand tossed the trophy towards me.

“Agh!” I shouted in alarm as I dove forward to ensure the trophy did not fall and break. Thankfully I caught the hunk of junk.

“Nice catch Mike, and good job on judging today,” she congratulated giving me a thumbs up. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

And with that she continued her exit.

“Don’t just toss things around that will get me tortured Rainbow!” I called out after her, but she didn’t respond further.

“What are you going on about torture for?” Rarity inquired as the rest caught up with me.

“Coach Spitfire,” I said plainly.

“Oh,” she said in understanding.

“But that shouldn’t be an issue now, I did her stupid duties, Mohawk is for sure giving me a passing recommendation, and her trophy is…” I trailed off as something wet on the hunk of metal smeared my palm. Pulling back, a strand of saliva connected my hand and the trophy.

“Oh my-urp!” Rarity covered her mouth and gagged as everyone else cringed at the sight.

“…” I said nothing as disgust and rage filled my body.

“Mikey?” Pinkie ventured. I didn’t respond for a good few seconds before I looked up and said.

“I’m done with today. I am going to wash this and my hands thoroughly, and then I’m going home. No one contact me, okay?”

None of them said anything for a moment, before Twilight said,

“That’s fair.”

Nodding in agreement, I trudged off from the Pinkie Brigade and towards the locker room, cursing Spitfire in my mind, and wondering if either girl had any pathogens I had to worry about.


THREE DAYS LATER, AFTER SCHOOL


I’d just gotten home and booted up Bloodborne to game the rest of my Thursday away, when my phone went off in my hand. I’d just been about to put it on silent so that no one, mainly Pinkie, could bug me, but the universe runs on comedic timing I suppose.

Fortunately the text wasn’t from Pinkie or any of her crowd, but from someone far less annoying. Derpy. Raising an eyebrow, I opened the message curiously, as she hardly sent me texts without good reason. Unfortunately, today was not a reasonable day.


Hi Michael,



I heard Lilly and Rose talking on the bus that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are fighting over you. I told them it wasn’t true. Don’t know if they believed me.



Thought you should know.


Groaning, I sent back a quick thanks to the cross eyed girl and slumped into my chair, the onset of a headache forming.

“If it’s not one thing, it’s another braindead take,” I sighed as I reflected on the last three days.

After the Iron Pony Competition, people had obviously noted the bad blood between Applejack and Rainbow Dash, which hadn’t simply disappeared, much to the Pinkie Brigade’s discomfort. Even if they hadn’t seen the argument, the herd knew something happened because both of them avoided one another like the plague. When others tried to inquire, they’d only answer in dismissive grunts. That was especially true between me and Jackie during Chemistry class. Whatever grudge she held against me was obviously more important than getting a passing grade.

Seriously, it’s damn near impossible to do a lab assignment when your partner refuses to use more than two syllables at a time! Needless to say, I barely got those assignments done in time thanks to her unhelpfulness.

But anyway, with their attitudes on everyone’s minds, the rumor mill started doing their rounds, and there were some that felt like I had something to do with it, because of course they did! And as rumors went and devolved, my involvement in this little spat ranged from me tricking them into hating one another, to me being the center of a love triangle. If I’d had my choice, I’d rather the former be in circulation than the latter.

“I swear, if one more nerd asks me which one I’m taking to the Fall Formal, I’m going to snap!” I growled and rubbed my eyes. “Seriously, how many braincells do you have to lose to think either of them would want to date me or vice versa? The redneck and I hate each other, and even if I didn’t find her annoying, I’m fairly certain Rainbow bats for the other team!”

I had no doubt that the one fanning these flames was Adagio. In a crisis of public popularity, she would definitely hype up any distractions that would make people forget the Dazzling’s role in my frame up. And stupidly, the Dazzling’s simps were already doing just that.

As I’d predicted, there were those that ate up their damage control. Some now believed that Adagio and the rest were just as much victims of Crystal Prep as Sunset and I. I’d heard some claiming that they too were blackmailed into compliance. Not everyone bought it of course, but enough did to send my blood boiling.

It will never not amaze or dumbfound me that, despite most of the school knowing the Dazzling’s true nature, they are still so spineless as to support them regardless of the facts involved. Common sense would tell you that they'd take anyone but their side when it comes to a conflict, but common sense is not exactly this school's strong suit. So with enough of them placated, they decided to move onto the next, most juicy gossip to spread.

“Hell, it was much more believable a lie that Sunset and I were together compared to this bullcrap,” I thought with a sigh.

Speaking of Sunset, she and I hadn’t spoken to each other since the meeting with Luna. We’d seen each other of course during our shared classes, but we both avoided actual conversation, almost as bad as Rainbow and Applejack. I guess we both felt that time would lessen whatever awkwardness was between us, and hopefully we could just never interact again. But she herself was making that easier said than done.

Despite me having dismissed her promises from our forced partnership, the last few days showed she was a woman of her word. According to Hindsight and Derpy, Sunset had been keeping her eyes on both of them, and any teasing done against them had started to dwindle. But it hadn’t just been them she’d been watchdog for. Several times I’d caught her out of the corner of my eye, keeping watch over me in the hallways. I hadn’t had any direct retaliation from Adagio yet, but whether it was too soon, or Sunset’s presence, I couldn’t tell.

Then again, nothing really makes sense with that girl does it? I thought as my gaze wandered to her house through my patio window. The blinds on her bedroom door were still drawn tight as they’d been since that night. And because I thought that I started thinking about said night, so I slapped my cheeks and turned away. Stop, Stop! Just forget that already! Jeeze!

But yeah, ignoring the weirdness that was Sunset and the rumors spawning from Rainbow and Jackie's quarrel, the last three days had been relatively peaceful. Having Mohawk under my thumb really did pay off as Spitfire did not make me run with ankle weights, in fact she commended me for doing a good job. No other reward, but lack of torture was fine by me. And I was sure that whatever emergency the Air Force had was solved by her and her boyfriend. I certainly wasn’t going to pry for details. Still, even if I wasn’t on her bad side anymore, I dreaded tomorrow afternoon.

Friday was going to be a half day for not only Canterlot High, but all the other schools in our district. The reason being a traditional city marathon they called The Running of the Leaves, and we students were being forced to run in it. Well, I say forced, but in reality Spitfire highly encouraged everyone to attend, so it was practically coercion.

The one silver lining, aside from the half day, was that this run had no time limit, and walking didn’t seem to be off the table since even old folks could participate. If no one was going to enforce it, I was just going to take my time.

“Maybe I should stick with Hindsight and Derpy, they don’t seem the athletic type, and walking with them would be preferable over the others,” I reckoned, as I made a mental note to ask the two of them tomorrow. “But that’s tomorrow me’s problem. Now is the time to finally kill the Orphan!”

I always ended up rage quitting on that cheap ass boss on subsequent playthroughs, but tonight would be different!

*Knock knock knock knock*
*Ding ding ding ding*

Or it would have been if someone hadn’t started attacking my front door.

“Oh for the love of God,” I groaned before shouting. “Pinkie if that’s you go away! I’m saving my energy for the leaf run thing tomorrow!"

*Knock knock knock knock*
*Ding ding ding ding*

"UGH! Enough!" I shouted as I got up and threw open the door. “Quit making so much-Rainbow?”

I was momentarily surprised as I saw my pissed off former getaway driver instead of Little Ms. Sugar Rush.

“Took you long enough!” she grunted impatiently and pushed past me.

“Hey! What are you-“ I protested as she stomped off towards my kitchen. “I didn’t say you could come in here you-*SLAM* BITCH! Owwww."

My pain came as a result of my own front door slamming into the side of my head as I’d started to close it and yell at Rainbow.

“Oh My Gosh! I’m sorry Michael! Are you okay?!” Twilight’s voice asked in concern as I held my cheek, which was sure to bruise.

“Do I look alright?!” I snapped as I now beheld her and Flubber standing in my entranceway uninvited. At least they had the decency to look guilty.

“I’m sorry, we were chasing after Rainbow and…” she trailed off as she saw Rainbow in the kitchen. “Rainbow Dash! You can’t just barge into people’s houses, look what happened!”

“She’s not the one who hit me Twilight!” I yelped and slammed the door angrily, causing her and Flubber to flinch. “And since we’ve had this song and dance before, what the hell do you all want? Because I know you won’t leave till you have some “oh so serious” discussion!”

They both looked down in shame at that, and I knew whatever they had to say was going to be nonsensical and stupid. I was right of course, and it ended up making my weekend tedious.

“Well out with it! And stay out of my fridge Dash! You fricken free-loader!”