Yorkshireman and tea drinker.
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There's a new student at CHS and the girls are eager to welcome the new arrival.
He refuses to disclose any personal information about himself and shuns any attempt at making friends with 'bloody teenagers'.
What, if anything, is he hiding?
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I’ve been looking for a story like this for so long! Thank you so much for making my dream come true.
Poor Sunset!
I like this.
Would you tell me in which direction you are planning to go with this?, I'm kind of expecting the main six to pester him no matter if he should want to be their friend or not, that they don't respect his privacy and either guilt-trip or force him to change.
I just have seen to many ways for something like this to go south (or how you say it).
If you want to answer that I would like a short PM about it.
I also like it if the main char has a strong personality, you know where the main six don't act as his sensei/ upperclassman. (if you know what I mean).
Okay, I'm sorry, but I cannot, and I repeat cannot get into this story. The lead character's a dick for no obvious reason, and he's hugely disrespectful. I personally would rather see Sunset kick his ass into kingdom come than welcome him into her group and probably hook up with him given the direction I can see this story going.
9216055
While not common, I've seen expulsions from public schools before, but generally, it takes more than a brawl. Unless that's changed within the last decade.
I love how much of a douche this guy is
9216173
Hey, you're probably right. When I went to high school, they preferred sending unruly students to "Alternative School" and using the main school as bus shuttling rather than expelling them.
He's so bad, man! An outsider nobody understands!
9216125
What's there to love, he keeps on insulting anyone and everyone for no obvious reason. Now, if they had insulted or demeaned him first yes his remarks could be called for, but right now the lead is just an unlikeable ass.
9216386 It's a nice change of pace.
9216431
I beg to differ. Seriously, if this guy came to my school he'd be earning a punch to the face. He has earned nothing but understandable scorn with all the shit he's pulled throughout the story.
9216439
There will be more details that reveals why he's acting like he is. I do have a character background set out for him.
9216468
Yeah, I'd suggest you reveal it soon, like next chapter soon as your lead's current attitude is a real turn off and he has really no excuses right now to even back up his dickish actions.
9216439 Maybe, but it's still better than all the goodie good beta males that kiss all ponies' asses that are prominent in these kind of fics.
Added lol growing
9216579
I fail to see how acting like a complete dick is any better.
9216474
Maybe let the author do what he wants with the story
Except for blatantly insulting their band, I was mostly on Axle's side. The going home, because I live there comment is the kind of thing I might have said. Heck it's something I could see Dash saying if she was feeling snarky, yet they jumped down his throat over it. Then their status as the popular girls means they had the whole school turned against him. And the homeroom seating thing was all on Sunset too.
While Axel is a little too confrontational. I definitely like where this story is going. His attitude is understandable though since we've got a pretty good idea of the situation he's in. I'm really curious to see what Shining and SciTwi roles are in Axel's life. Consider this followed.
Also, does anyone know if there are any more "Human in Equestria Girls" stories out there?
You need to stop misleading with the summaries.
Ok this is starting to approach the toxic message of Cranky Doodle where Sunset seems to think if she pesters Axle enough she can be friends with him. Especially bad when she borderline blackmailed him with the soccer team thing. Honestly, between that and Rainbow's near constant jabs I wouldn't be inclined to hang out with them either.
I like Axle.
9523888 And yet now it's slowly working.
This is gut jaa.
Busty?
Oh fuck you.
Did anyone hear a clock chiming when they read the tittle chapter?
Ok. I see why Axle is pissed about the Sun. I share his sentiment for those poor people who perished that foul day.
Wait a minute!
media.giphy.com/media/13GaHvHijqFS0M/source.gif
Considering what happened the last time someone was forced into feminine clothing on the grounds of a promise and his "keep my word" phase used against him, I'll keep my expectations for retribution on all time low.
9996033
Oh diddly fuck I am running away now.
:)
I’m looking forward to the next chapter. When’s it going to be?
9997263 I skimmed through the whole chapter because of that reason. See, this guy gets it.
Can we expect the next chapter anytime soon? This seems to be really getting good!
10044112
I'm not sure. I'm working every day at the moment with little time to properly rest. My last day off was New Year's Day. I more of less know where the next few chapters are going so it should be a little easier getting something down though.
Happens that I was about to finish reading chapter four when I noticed there was a new chapter uploaded. I feel guilty for not having to wait :P
I look forward to the next chapter. Cheers, mate!
10540297
Not to mention having to be saved by a girl instead of punching Dumbell in the nose, I'm dropping this story. All my interest from the beginning is all gone now.
10540297
Me too. It's like it's a theme where the girls can't take even the simplest of criticism. Anyway, you forgot one.
While I am annoyed at a smug Sunset who will use her victory to corner Axle and manipulate him to slowly becoming friends with her and the girls, it was on Axle for making the bet in the first place and giving her a chance to be able to do it. Given what the girls managed to corner him to do in the next chapter, using a little girl mind you, was the worst example of manipulation yet. Not to mention sunset's crush, which came out of nowhere and seems like a convenient explanation for her behavior. I hope at the very least if Axle does crack completely and befriend the girls, he doesn't return Sunset's feelings. She and the girls really need to learn you aren't entitled to something and there are somethings you won't get it no matter what you do.
Here is my first major issue with this fic. The girls completely overreacting to a simple non-insulting snarky response. Hell even the whole school turn on him for it. A simple fix would be to make Axle more of an asshole and actually insult them all, if you wanted to have this pointless nonsensical conflict between the two that never leads anywhere and ends up getting resolved in the most asinine way, but I am getting ahead of myself and will comment on that when they "reconcile"
If you can't handle a little snarky comment you don't deserve to be friends with anyone. Like I said this brief conflict is completely forced in the worst possible way, which is terrible since like I said there is a simple fix in making his comment actually insulting. It might not completely fix it, but it would still be much better than this.
Wasted potential in having Axle befriend Trixie instead, but sadly, as of now, this moment doesn't really lead or go anywhere with that. That could change in the future and I for one hope it does.
No, you girls and everyone in the entire school took a simple snarky comment that no one in their right mind would take offense to the point of holding a grudge that lasts about a week.
That's another issue. The girls fail to realize that friendship is a two way street and you can't force another to do it. Notice instead of calling Rainbow out on this and explaining how wrong it is to do that, Sunset only objects since "it didn't work", despite that not being true, since they weren't trying to force him the first time, so I don't know what the hell she is even talking about, meaning she is ok with it. Forshadowing their more subtle ways of doing it.
A good idea from Fluttershy. Sadly, despite agreeing to it, Sunset and even Fluttershy goes against it during lunch, despite not being shown to change their minds. An inconsistency there. They both go from agreeing to leave him alone, to the group thinking to get advice form Twilight, to Fluttershy saying they can help him, to them reaching out to him during lunch. What changed their minds?
How blind the girls are to their actions and behavior and acting like he is the problem pisses me off. I so want them to get called out on their behavior here, but no that doesn't happen. The closest we get is Sunset down playing it with not even an apology.
Another thing is how two face the girls feel. They are angry and are in a conflict with him, that they caused and yet they still have the nerve to be concerned for him and want to help him out. You really need to work on your characterizing. That self-righteous behavior really gets on my nerves.
You held this grudge for a week for something asinine. If that's isn't a sign of hatred, I don't know what is.
You self-righteous cunt! You and the girls started this and instead of apologizing and doing whatever to make up for it, you have the nerve to down play it and act like you are above it by asking for it to stop, when you and the rest of the school has held this week long grudge.
Who's fault is that? I am not saying they intentionally turned the whole school against them, but given how popular they are, naturally everyone would turn against him like blind sheep, regardless how stupid the reason was.
Here we are, the first sign of the girls being completely hypocritical. This whole conflict started when they couldn't handle a simple snarky response that wasn't insulting and yet Rainbow can and will actually give insulting jabs. Don't try to justified it as her being playful. Axle is clearly bothered by them, as we will see and he has more reason to than they did.
The only time someone in the group actually controls Rainbow. Sadly, someone actually giving Axle freedom to not have to do something, doesn't last long and even worst he ends up getting cornered to do this very thing. Fluttershy stands up for him here, but not later. I know because of the bet, but he ends up getting cornered to join the band, despite not wanting to. Seriously, Fluttershy. Now he doesn't have to, but later he not only has to, but he must join the band.
Another thing that bugs me is that there isn't really a reconciliation with axle and the girls. No apologies for overreacting and turning the whole school against him. The girls hardly learned how wrong they were and don't even bother to make up for them. They held this grudge over nonsense and escalate it into much worse, when if they weren't so completely triggered over nothing, things would have went more smoothly easily. They continue to think Axle is the whole problem and must do anything to help, with ways that are questionable and sadly as of now they don't realize that isn't the way to actually do it.
Don't you mean like Axle instead of his friend. Wasn't expecting to find a typo during my critique of your fic, but figured I should point it out.
Oh you mean like you should do for his insults you fucking hypocrite. Look in the mirror Sunset. He gets punished, but he must ignore Rainbow's jabs. Wow, what toxic friends. Am I supposed to side with the girls and their attempts to forcibly befriend Axle and get him to open up about something that shouldn't be their business anyway, because they self appointed themselves as such and even manipulate him into things he clearly doesn't want and instead of respecting that, they corner him to and still have the nerve to act concern about him like self righteous cunts?
Piss off is enough for Rarity to consider a swear? Geez, what a cunt.
You have some nerve showing concern when you are forcing him to do this just for calling this event crap.
She says that after they got done cornering him to wear an outfit he completely made clear he doesn't want to be seen in public in and instead of giving a snarky response saying so, he just gives a typical I won't response. Then again the girls would over react since they can dish it out, but can't take it.
More hypocritical Rainbow. There's a way to do hypocritical heartwarming, but this isn't it.
Wow, the girls cornered and forced his hand in joining the band despite not wanting to and you are portraying it as a heartwarming moment. gag me. If Axle was smart he would realize that he doesn't really have to join. Not like Twinkle Star will likely see him again or know, but I feel he won't do that.
All in all this fic has potential, but suffers from issues with the girls doing terrible toxic things, but getting away with them. The characters at times seem two face, inconsistent, or even nonsensical. The girls overreact to the simplest insults and hold grudges, but have the nerve to act like they care or are concerned for Axle. They do questionable things to corner him to be friends and so far haven't learned that isn't the way to do it, despite Fluttershy calling Rainbow out for that earlier. Now it's fine apparently. Despite the girls' behavior, not apologizing and barely admitting fault, Axle doesn't see the red flags and stay away from them. They cornered him into things he doesn't want to do and despite getting initially angry, doesn't hold any grudge or bitterness. In short, If you are doing a fic where the girls are trying to befriend and get a bitter OC to open up, in questionable and even forceful ways and you have the OC be abrasive, which is one way to do this kind of thing right, but still managed to have the girls come across as much worse than the OC, you are doing it wrong.
¿Porqué hacen esto?, ¿Es siquiera necesario?
Sunset Shimmer tiene casa propia, ¿Cómo la consiguió?, Ni idea, pero la tiene, desconozco la razón de hacer que Sunset Shimmer viva en un lugar abandonado y con pésimas condiciones de vida, ¿Para qué?, No es necesario y nunca lo será debido a que no tener casa propia iría en contra del canon, y si vas a hacer una historia que no va a seguir el canon, explicarlo como mínimo sería bueno ya que pueden suceder muchos malentendidos. Desconozco ese afán de hacer a Sunset Shimmer una indigente porqué si, y si esto es necesario para que tu historia funcione, mínimo plantea de forma creíble la situación para que este en dichosa situación y que siga así aun cuando han pasado varíos años desde su llegada a CHS, sino eres capaz de hacer eso, simplemente vete con el canon y ya está, para que hacer tantas molestias para hacer esto que ni siquiera es necesarío.
Why do they do this? Is it even necessary?
Sunset Shimmer has her own house, how did she get it? I have no idea, but she does, I don't know the reason for making Sunset Shimmer live in an abandoned place with terrible living conditions, for what? It's not necessary and I'll never It will be because not having your own house would go against the canon, and if you are going to make a story that is not going to follow the canon, explaining it at least would be good since many misunderstandings can happen. I do not know that desire to make Sunset Shimmer homeless because yes, and if this is necessary for your story to work, at least credibly raise the situation so that she is in a happy situation and that she continues like this even when several years have passed since her arrival to CHS, if you're not able to do that, just go with the canon and that's it, why go to so much trouble to do this that it's not even necessary.
Translated by Google.
Isn't Shim in 30-ies? Because Twilight in 20-ies.