(Some ships sail themselves. This is not one of them.)
After the Grand Galloping Gala, a certain snobbish prince is stricken with amnesia, with no recollection of what he has been doing with his life up till now. He only remembers two things: the golden-maned mare who rescued him from the chaos of the ballroom, and that she called him a "prince".
(BluebloodxApplejack. Written way back between seasons one and two, so obviously not quite canon. This shipping started as a bit of a joke, but I grew attached and wrote this for fun.)
(Beautiful cover art by the beautiful PandaWolfArt of dA. See it here!))
Chapters (10)
I read this on DeviantArt. This is one of the very few stories I have read there. I'm glad to see it here.
This honestly looks interesting. I will read it when I am less dead.
Not a good writer my ass. This is... Decent. But short so far. More words would help.
This... Is not a long chapter. This is a good length for a chapter, plenty happened though you told more than was shown, most of my chapters are around 2000 words. Makes for a nice break from your day, without eating up all of your time or for a short read before bed.
Pfft... Oh my gosh... The logic... I mean, it's child-like in its simplicity, but at the same time, if he seriously has such complete amnesia as that, then it kinda makes sense. Guess I'll keep reading.
5347766 Yo, newsflash. This is about the longest chapter in the story. Maybe you're a decent author, and can write decent-length chapters, but guess what? Not everyone can, and being condescending and insulting like this isn't going to help them get better. So if you don't have anything constructive to say for advice, like you did when you said they told more than showed, then you can sod off. They've already said they're not a great writer. They know they can improve, and are looking to do so, so try to keep that in mind, okay? Not all of us can be RainbowBobs and WandererDs and ShortSkirtsandExplosions.
That said, this is about what a chapter should be for a minimum, in general. Aim for at least one-thousand words, because that's the minimum length for a story to be accepted, so if that's the shortest a one-shot should be, then that's about the minimum length you should aim for in a chapter. Two to three thousand word chapters are usually considered solid chapters, as it's enough to get some stuff done, while not being overwhelming.
Unless I'm remembering my Psych class wrong, your logic is faulty. If it were as seriously damaged as you say it is, then he wouldn't be able to form NEW memories, and would wake up every day remembering nothing of the previous day. As it is, it SHOULD be healing, as he's retaining memory from previous days.
I mean, it's a good reason for why he lost his memories to begin with, sure, but there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to heal the horn. That would, after all, only heal the actual injury. It would not mend his memories.
In general... You're just rushing far too much. You're so eager to get to the end that you aren't exploring options and whatnot that you could be. I mean, we still don't really know why Blueblood is doing what he's doing, or what he's thinking, or anything. He said he was going to try to figure out what a prince 'should be', but we haven't really seen... well, anything. And with only two chapters left, no matter the ending, it's going to be rushed. I can tell you that right now without having read them. In the future, you need to SLOW DOWN. Show what characters are doing, what they're thinking whenever there's a lull in the story, stuff like that.
.. Yeah. Rushed. It's been maybe a few days since the Gala? A week? In general, you don't go from severe dislike of someone to that great a like that quickly, even if they HAVE made a big a change as Blueblood. At a guess... Have you taken the Meyers-Briggs personality test? I'm going to guess you're an ENFP.
5347796 that wasn't condescending. Or insulting. That was giving reasons as to why an author would make the chapters at that length. It was constructive criticism. It was giving them a reason to take some more time on each chapter and write more. IF I had wanted to be insulting... They would never want to write again. As It was I was giving my opinion and trying to be helpful when I see something that can be improved. I was keeping in mind that they are trying to improve. That is why I comment on new stories with new authors. When I see potential, I do my best to help in any way I can. But then you came here and decided that I wasn't NICE enough about it. I was matter of fact in how I said it, and usually I don't read stories that go under 1000 word chapters. I am with this one. Because again I saw potential. Now, please bear that in mind in the future instead of becoming inflammatory. Thanks. Hopefully we can put this behind us and try to help the newbie together?
It doesn't really feel complete. It was too rushed, and too many unanswered questions. Why didn't Celestia or Luna notice he was mostly missing while wandering around Canterlot, or when he left for Ponyville? That was a long time for them not to give a * what happened to him, and I find that odd.
You didn't mess up enough for a dislike, but there's too many problems for me to give it a like, sorry. Good luck on your next story, though! If you ever need advice or someone to go over something, I might be able to help if I have the time.
Never had a younger sister to look after. I had an older sister but she went crazy and fled the country to become a pygmy. I don't get it either... Ahem. Anywhoo, this is a prime example of what I was talking about earlier. You haven't really explored the depths of what this could be. Example, with the nightmare, you had that point where Applejack realized her family was gone. Imagine how that would feel for a moment. Now, write it down. Then imagine the thoughts of dispair and loss the hopelessness that would be felt in that situation. Now, write them down. That is one example. Then take Applejack's thoughts about her brother and all of the questions that she would have about why he would bother with Blueblood, when she hasn't shown any interest in him.
This is an interesting story, you have some great ideas and I like that you choose Applejack, as she is pretty much Rarity's opposite. I think you should take more time with it though, perhaps create longer chapters which are more in depth, instead of just trying to get to the climax a.s.a.p. Perhaps write one chapter per week, which is long and keeps us wanting more. It's a decent idea though so I will fave and follow as I think you have potential :)
Interesting. I would have thought though that Blueblood wold have regained is memories by end. Good job writing this story.
Ahh, I remember this story! It goes fast alright, but I like to think of it as short and sweet.
Huh. Very interesting, mate... You have caught my attention.
Your fanfiction actually isn't that bad--you may need a proofreader to check for grammar mistakes, but your story still has a pretty interesting premise.
Is it just me, or does "Well, now you can start your life over!" seem like the wrong response to hearing that someone's got amnesia?
Maybe "Let's get you to the hospital" would be more appropriate?
5347820 Maybe that's why it'll recover eventually. Get enough new memories in his head and the magic has enough of a conduit to flow through to fix his horn and unlock the rest.
I'm both a younger and older brother, and I gotta tell you that you're not missing anything all that great. Worrying about what some newcomer is going to do to someone precious to you is hardly enjoyable. It's usually frustrating, anxiety inducing, maddening, and has the lovely bit of making you feel powerless when the one precious to you gets hurt anyway leaving no way to for you to do anything about it beyond trying to be a comfort.
The reason you go through with all that heartache that makes you feel so impotent is because of how much you care about those you love. You can't help it.
This was a really good story, I hope we can see a continuation for this, but until then I will watch and wait
At first, I was a bit shocked that this was an actual pairing
! My sis, Original Usermane, is (trying to) creating a BlueJack fanfic. It was reading what she had so far that got me into this shipping
. I am very excited to see where this is going to go! 
So many yesses! And I only started reading!
I amz so excitedz!
I LOVE THIS ALREADY!
I laughed so hard, I started to cough!
It's OK, I'm not dead (yet).
I can't believe Rarity assumed that. As if the old Blueblood would crash a Ponyville party. It would be way below his very high standards.
I'm not critisizing your story, I'm critisizing Rarity. She should know better.
I love this SOOO much!
You get a like!
I do feel it was a bit rushed, but, since the whole thing was rushed, it was oddly natural. To me, at least.
5347744 I always thought that good writing means using less words as possible; long enough to show what's happening but not so long that it ends up as filler where nothing happens - like use of redundant telling or describing emotions poetically.
This alright as it is, with the possible exception of This jerk had treated Rarity like a personal servant, and worse, insulted her food!, since it feels out of place in this context because it doesn't paint a scenario that she's actually thinking about unless she was shown to be thinking about it.....
Either that or I'm an uneducated fool who doesn't know how to read properly.
Would you care for a review of this chapter?
There are men and women in Equestria?
5347766 Why does length even matter if we already know what's happening? But yes, chapter two does more telling than showing.
5456444 because if you explain a characters thoughts motives feelings it makes a reader attach to a story better.
The Kelpie Prince sounds like a cool story.
This story is very sweet!
My only critique is the part where Blueblood was wandering the castle and no body paid him any attention even though he was injured.
a bit late, but you could always just number them. people have done that for thousands of years, it's a perfectly serviceable solution
Well it looks like so-called best night ever became a disaster so the others had to make a run for it while the chaos is continuing but Applejack stop and saw unconscious Pony so she dragged him out of the danger but it looks like it turns out to be Prince Blueblood the one who insulted her apples and her best friend that was really bad but it looks like there's something wrong with him I think he has an amnesia very interesting start
The Kelpie Prince. Wanting to know what a prince was, he had read it. The prince had been mean and selfish, then turned into a kelpie by an evil witch unicorn. After a while he met a princess unicorn, who had come to love him in spite of his appearance. His attitude changed to “that of a true prince; kind, brave, and loyal,” and he had changed back into a regular pony after the princess kissed him. He and the princess married and lived happily ever after.
It almost sounds like Beauty and the Beast well sort of
So it looks like Prince Blueblood really you don't understand why people treat him so badly because he doesn't know his reputation is not the best especially to Rarity and the others what she told them about but it looks like he's trying to look at the fairy tale buck and wanted to know what is a Prince is and I remember the Cutie Mark Crusader did for Big Mac when they try to hook up with sugar belle with Fairy Tail sometimes it doesn't work it's real life man but maybe this will change his attitude even though that's his Amnesia talking again this story is pretty interesting so far
Classic Pinkie pie sense
It looks like Pinkie Pie senses is pretty much right on the nose once again and it looks like Applejack got an unexpected visit this is going to be interesting how this Goes
yep like in the video at least in the beginning part not everything has to go what the fairy tales does
So apparently Prince Blueblood is still in his Gala clothes and he looks really a mess but the only thing he only concentrate is finding Applejack which he did and unfortunately she had some dealings with him especially how what he said back at the party was not nice at all but Applejack sees him differently he's not like the one at the party he looks like a lost Pony who doesn't know what to do anymore and Big Mac even offering him to stay this is going to be something else
Of course Pinkie Pie really done herself pretty well setting up everything on the last minute and it looks like Prince Blueblood enjoys it as well he even told stories to the little ones which that's nice of him but right now Rarity was not too happy to see him again but Applejack told her about his situation but Prince Blueblood so apologize for what he did and Rarity accepted it even though she still kind of mix still
Twilight
Do you mean please
So it looks like Twilight trying to help Blue Blood to regain his memory but unfortunately it doesn't seem to work at least not right now so now they're just had to do a waiting game and the Cutie Mark Crusaders of course they were pretty excited to see what is his cutie mark and what sort of talent he has which that never really explained what is his talent when we first saw this dude
So it looks like Applejack and blue blood return to Apple acre and she needs to finish Apple bucking but Blue Blood wanted to help her even though he had no idea how to do this but he wants to try nevertheless and I noticed something your store is a little bit short are you try to finish your story quickly or something
Dang Applejack really is having bad nightmares about what happened at the gala huh but it looks like Prince Blueblood wanted to check on her if she's okay but a fast reflex Applejack hugged him and he hugged back but tripping both of them on the floor and Big Mac what's not too Keen on what's going on here I guess when it comes to protecting your own family you get overprotective
10860962
It's short for "I come in peace" or "Be at peace." He's telling Spike he means no harm.