• Member Since 17th May, 2012
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unleashedtwilight


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T

Time had passed for the hero Yu Narukami, and it was already summer vacation. He remembered making a promise to all of his friends in Inaba that he would visit them whenever he got the chance. Ever since he and his friends defeated Izanami and dispelled the fog from both the real world and the T.V. world, things have been peaceful during his visits. His friends always welcomed him with open arms (or in Rise-chans way of it, a neverending embrace… her and Teddie). Everything in Inaba was perfect…

But the fog of lies do not simply fade away in one world… it moves on to another.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 113 )
zel

kind of way too fast. Also the long bare dialogues are very painful to read.

“...” Kanji said to Chie. “...”
“...” Yukiko exclaimed. “...”
“...” Yosuke exclaimed. “...”
“...” Chie exclaimed.
“...” Yosuke exclaimed.

-cracks hands-

Persona....Persona....Persona....

To be fair never watched the full palythrough -le blush- however what i saw was really good!

Which ties into this one word FANTASTIC! I want moar! Loads! The reason for my love of this is not just because two great things have been rolled into one no no no no its because I just have a feeling that this is heading in the right direction. Again I may not know everything about Persona 4 but I know what the characters act like and you nailed it. Hold on wait....wait for it.....YEP the ball is out of the park!

5/5 moustaches

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

And for the heck of it a big mac

:eeyup:

5197472

Thanks!:twilightblush:
it's actually a mix between the game and the animation. The T.V. Series is great and funny.

http://www.dubbedcrazy.net/watch/dubbed/anime/persona-4-the-animation

have a link to the series. English Dubbed as well

5197516

Right now im following you passenger - let her go you'll have to wait, my little dashie on hold, a gurad and a princess nopey time to watch some good anime!

5197612

yeah, but their persona's will be the same

I just thought of something, if the Investigation Team become ponified would this affect their Personas? Also please use this during the boss fights.

5197672

Personas will be the same form

Time had past

Aaaand an error within the first three words of the story summary. It should be "Time had passed".

No offense, but if I'm already encountering obvious errors this early, It doesn't exactly bode well for the writing quality of the rest of the story. Methinks you might want to do some proofreading.

I love the idea of Persona/MLP crossovers, though, so you definitely win points for that. ^_^

5197806
No problem, happy to help. ^_^

It's fixed in the story itself, but the error still exists in the story summary, though.

I'm sorry but... jesus Kanji is scary in the coverart.

While the descrip has slight spoilets for the villain (You don't reveal who is the culprit) this is awesome! This and Persona EQG! NARUKAMI!

Opinion question you guys... Who do you think should be Narukami's girlfriend in this story. Or who thinks he shouldn't have one at all?

5198238 Well first off this is an interesting premise, haven't seen one based off of P4 yet. Just keep an eye out for your proper noun capitalization.

As for who should be paired with Yu? Well it seems the canon ship would be with Rise... However I'd also say possibly Yukiko. Can't decide between the two.

Color me, uh... Blue(?), though, I'm already Blue so ... don't. I'm really excited for this. The first chapter was a lot of interactions that, to me, felt really believable with the characters. That being said, I do have to agree with the very first comment. Everything is rather ... fast. It felt rather bare bones (to me, at least), to be exact. It's like, you went to the point, captured the point, and held the point, but failed to do anything else with said point. I could understand that being the case for the first opening chapter, with how you wrote it. But, it definitely felt like it was lacking substance. Right now, this story has a lot of potential, so I'll definitely fave it, can't wait to see how you follow it up. I'd highly suggest getting an editor/proofreader and a personality maintainer. Maintaining all eight from the investigation team and the six from the Mane6 plus any other characters that may become main (or minor) characters could get messy, fairly complicated, and very very messy (hence being mentioned twice). All that being said, I am really looking forward to more! (Cuz Persona is amazing, and there aren't many/any lengthy and well written stories, and this definitely has potential!) If you need any help, I'm able and willing (for once, I see that much potential, and I love Persona) to help out! All that being said, again, I gotta ask. Are you going to include Marie? Kaguya is my favorite Persona of all time, and because of the new Ultimax game, Kaguya is Marie's persona. And did I mention Kaguya is super awesome? I mean, look at how awesome she is! >v or just > http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140724141237/megamitensei/images/d/d8/P4AU_Kaguya.png

5198238 When it comes to Yu's gf, I say it 'has' to be either Yukiko (more so) or Rise, I felt in the game that one of those were the -canon- choice. Chie feels like a match for Yosuke. Naoto and Kanji fit together well as well. That being said (Yes, I know, I like to say that a lot...), I'd suggest keeping Yu single. It just feels right, though if you 'had' to have a gf for Yu, I'd pick Yukiko. Yu and Yukiko just seem like a match together. At least, that's my opinion, don't need to go spreading it around though.

Anyway, sorry for the long lengthy comment. I could go into detail about my gripes and reasoning and all that fun stuff, but #NBA (Go Cavs! Go! Even though they aren't playing as I write this! Or tonight at all!) and I got to get up early tomorrow. SO... I think I'll shut up now.

Feel's a bit rushed, but I like the idea and I think you got the characters down, especially Yosuke, that guy can ever catch a break. So yeah, Favorited and liked, can't wait to see what happens.

wat


I was literally just listening to Reach Out to the Truth before looking at my feed. Definitely going to check this out when I can. o.o

5200794

One of my favorite songs from the ost

That and I'll Face Myself (battle)

I am interested. Just that if Yu still has Izangi-no-Okami, make sure he is OP as fuck. Cause basically all he has to do is Megidolan everything they come across. Or use Myriad Truths.

5201405 Both I'll Face Myself versions are awesome. The Reincarnation version's definitely the best, though; it really seems to capture the idea of an internal struggle and is a perfect blending of the two original versions.

To this day, I don't know exactly why I like Reach Out to the Truth. But still, I love it.

Who could be in the castle, I wonder...:trixieshiftright:

You know thinking back I've always wondered who was driving the limo in P4.

No offense, but the pacing here seems...rushed. Like you're just trying to get on with it. I dunno, maybe it's just me.

Wow. This opening chapter is fantastic. The Investigation Team is so in character I found myself reading it aloud with the voices, ommiting Yu's dialogue in place of simple explanations of mannerisms.

Very interesting. I'll be following this story.

“Your studies is the reason why you never made any friends in the first place.”

Should be "your studies are"
Sincerely,
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111012154908/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/a/a7/Grammarnazilogo.png/180px-Grammarnazilogo.png

I hope you put in more music as the story goes on. That made the chapter feel so alive.

So, what's Twilight's Persona and Arcana?

I loke how well written this is. Make sure you write it all, or I'll throw YOU into the TV :pinkiecrazy:

“Nice one partner!” Yosuke exclaimed giving Yu a thumbs up quickly getting back into the focus of the battle at hand. 

^How does one give a thumbs up with HOOVES? XD

I'd like to advise that you keep an eye on the proper nouns again. Keep in mind attack names and character names need to be capitalized. You've got most of em down but I did catch a couple. Otherwise this was a good chapter. I liked what you made Twilight's shadow embody and the fight was pretty good as well. Keep it up!

5206261 Obviously her Arcana is the Magician.

5211008 Not necessarily. Arcana is based on personality, and her personality doesn't fully match the magician, unless I missed something. I feel she'd be more Fortune or hell, even the Empress. Magician feels more like Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash.

lol Sunset dont question Narukami's calmness.

Sunset, after you fight a freaking god and come away alive... very little will phase you.

5227325 I was about to basically say the same thing "He's beaten 3 or 4 god-like entities, nothing can phase the guy anymore."

Edit:We have Izanami in the human world!!

It's much bigger than that:rainbowdetermined2:
Get ready for a serious final battle at the end. I already have it planned out

“Okay, but in seriousness…” Sunset Started. “How the hell are you so freaking calm about all this?” Sunset asked Narukami.

Main character/silent protagonist logic, Sunset Shimmer. Don't question it.

This chapter was great for so many reasons. I had to reread the first part to understand what happened, and when I did I fangasmed quite a bit. Once again, the characters are so in character it's hilarious. I'm actually a little mad that you got the concept before I did, because now I want too write a story like this.

Oh well. That just means you have to finish yours.

5231314

Well I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I thank you for your input. :twilightsmile:

5232437 You're welcome.

But in all seriousness, the part with Sunset Shimmer gave me a bit of an idea. If I gave you credit for inspiring the idea, could I write my own Persona like story taking place in the Equestrian Girls world? I'd try to tell it completely different.

5234120

Well, actually in this story, equestria girls is a pretty big part too

Edit: But if you want, I suppose it's ok

5234297 Thanks. It'll be a while before I can get to it, but when I do, I'll let you know.

Gotta Love the Wild Card.

oh crap, i forgot to add the music links :facehoof:

I'll add them when I get out of school...

cool so both Narukami and Sunset Shimmer can use any kind of persona :pinkiehappy:

i wager Twilight gonna get a tiny bit jealous maybe.

if Trixie shows up then i know she is gonna be jealous.

also if she do shows up then dont let her die but have her join the team:fluttershysad:

Sunset is a Wild Card, awesome! Funny enough, I'm listening to Reach out to the Truth while reading this.

Sunset shivered getting close to Twilight. “Jesus, this place gives me chills…”

Why would a pony know about Jesus?
Oh wait, she was a human for a while.

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