Rarity
July 11th, 2012
Midnight
Rain
Twilight from Equestria and Twilight from Canterlot High were both getting things prepared for the midnight Channel. “Are you sure the midnight channel will appear here?” Twilight asked.
“I’m almost positive.” Narukami answered.
“This seriously defies all scientific logic…” This world’s Twilight sighed. “But so is magical talking ponies from another world.”
“Quiet… it’s about to come on.” Narukami said sternly. The three of them waited with the T.V. off as midnight finally struck. Eventually the screen started to flash and a shadowy figure could be seen from the screen. It was difficult to make out however. The figure was female, that much they could tell. Another thing that looked familiar though was her hair.
“Wait a second… that looked like…” Twilight started slowly going wide-eyed. She tried to put her hand in the T.V. screen to see if she could reach the figure. But the image soon disappeared and she pulled her hand back out. “Rarity… RARITY!!” she exclaimed running toward the nearest phone she could find.
“Twilight, wait a second!” Narukami exclaimed.
“No! I have to!” She quickly grabbed the cordless phone and dialed Rarity’s cell phone number that she had memorized by heart since the last time she arrived at Canterlot high. The phone rang multiple times waiting for someone to answer. “Please… please…”
Eventually, to her surprise, she heard someone answer the phone. “Hello…?” a groggy yet familiar voice answered.
“Oh thank goodness… you’re still there…” Twilight sighed in relief.
“Uh… is this Twilight from class?... I’m sorry but, how did you get this number and… for that matter, what in the world are you doing calling me at midnight?”
“Rarity it’s me! Princess Twilight!”
“W-what!?” Rarity could be heard from everyone in the room. “Oh my goodness, is it really you!?”
“Yeah, it’s me…”
“Oh goodness! I have to tell all the girls about this! Sunset Shimmer--” Rarity paused. “Wait, have you seen Sunset Shimmer!? All she left was a note telling us that she was going back to Equestria and we got worried!”
Twilight smiled. “Don’t worry, she’s fine… She’s in Equestria right now.”
“Oh thank god…” Rarity let out a sigh of relief. “Uh darling, forgive me for asking but where are you calling me from?”
“Oh uh… well funny story. You see I actually met the Twilight of this world…”
There was a pause.
“You’re in her house right now?” she asked.
“Well, actually her lab.”
“Why…??”
“Listen to me Rarity. Bad things have been happening between this world and Equestria. You know about the murder of Carrot Top right?”
“Yes, but she went missing first… Wait, you heard about that??”
“I didn’t just hear about it. A Carrot Top in Equestria was murdered as well. We think that these two cases are linked somehow.”
“Am I the first you’re telling about this?”
“Yes because… we feel like you might be in danger Rarity.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Whatever you do, you have to be careful no matter what. Don’t trust anyone!”
Rarity sighed not knowing how to really respond. “I’ll try to warn the others about this… meet us in front of the school, in the afternoon Twilight.”
“Understood.” Twilight hung up the phone.
“Twilight remember...” Narukami started. “When the image on the midnight channel is fuzzy like that, it means that that person isn’t in that world yet. If the image was clear, that would be a different story.”
“R-right...” Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry for jumping the gun like that, I just got really worried!”
“I understand Twilight. I know how you feel.” They both looked at the other Twilight who was just taking down many notes from her laptop. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” the other Twilight asked with a tone of annoyance.
Narukami sighed. “Tomorrow, let’s get some more practice in Twilight.”
Twilight nodded.
“Practice? With what exactly...?” The other Twilight asked.
“You’ll see.”
------------------------------------------------------------
July 12th, 2012 (Saturday)
Morning
Cloudy
Both Twilights and Narukami were all getting ready to go into the T.V. for Twilight to get some more practice. “Um, is all of this really necessary?” The other Twilight asked.
“If you want to stay alive, then yes.” Narukami answered and turned to Twilight. “Here.” he said handing one of his swords to her. “You won’t have your magic, so you’ll need this for physical attacks.”
“R-right…” Twilight said hesitantly.
Narukami held out another one of his blades out to the other Twilight. “Wait, you expect ME to fight??”
“You’re our back up, alright? Besides, you need to at least have something to protect yourself with.” Narukami said sternly.
The other Twilight sighed and grabbed the blade. “What the hell did I get myself into…?”
“Oh, and you’ll need these.” Twilight said handing the other Twilight a pair of glasses.
“How did you get those?” Narukami asked.
“Oh, Teddie made an extra for me. I guess he thought something might happen to my pair.” She said putting on her glasses.
“Forgive me but, What good do glasses do? Plus I already have a working pair.” The other Twilight said still lost in confusion.
“They’ll help you see better in the other world.” Narukami answered grabbing the other Twilight’s hand. “Now let’s go.”
“W-wait a--” she was cut off as both her and Narukami went through.
Twilight just sighed putting her hand to her face following them.
They all entered falling to the ground; all of them slowly getting back up. “What. Is. This. Place!?!” the other Twilight exclaimed looking around.
“Calm down.” Narukami said. “Let’s go Twilight.”
Twilight nodded and followed Narukami. “Hey wait! Don’t leave me standing here…!” The other Twilight exclaimed quickly following them, but was quickly stopped by Narukami’s hand.
“Stay back.” he turned back to Twilight. “One on One like last time?”
Twilight nodded as a card appeared floating above her hand. “Persona!”
She exclaimed crushing the card in her hand, releasing her persona in front of her. It looked exactly the same as when they were in Equestria.
“Izanagi!”
Narukami exclaimed doing the same thing summoning his own persona. The other Twilight just looked at both persona’s in awe. “Let’s do a little test. How do you counteract a status increase?” He said as his persona used Tarukaja on himself, raising his attack.
“Persona!” Twilight exclaimed as her persona used Dekaja, nullifying the stat change.
Narukami smiled at her. “Good. Now, lower my defense.”
Twilight nodded and had her persona use Tarunda on Narukami. “Persona!” she exclaimed extending her arm, unleashing Agidyne on Narukami as well, causing him to fall back a bit. “How was that?”
“Very good…” he groaned getting to his feet. “You remembered to act quickly when it comes to using stat decreases on your enemy. Stat increases on yourself at the same time might be a little more work, but it’s enough to drive your enemy down. Don’t forget that.” Twilight nodded with a smile. Narukami used Dekunda, nullifying the stat decrease. “How about we test you with a real battle.”
“Huh? A real battle…?”
“Based on what you learned so far, you’re going to fight me for real.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea…?”
“Don’t worry, I have some medicine with me in case we really need it.”
“Alright… then I’m ready.” Twilight said getting into fighting position.
“Then let’s begin.” Yu said doing the same. “Persona!” He exclaimed using Tarukaja on himself.
“Persona!” Twilight exclaimed following with Rakukaja, increasing her own defense. “I won’t hold back just because you’re my friend Yu!” she exclaimed as her persona used Bufudyne, pushing both Izanagi and Narukami back a bit.
“Then I won’t either.” Yu smirked using Tarunda, lowering Twilight’s defense, following it up with a Ziodyne, causing great damage to Twilight knocking her back as well.
Twilight groaned getting back up. “Persona!” She exclaimed using Garudyne against Izanagi, making them both fall back hard. Without hesitation, she then used Dekaja, nullifying Narukami’s attack like when they practiced.
“Change!” Narukami exclaimed as Izanagi disappeared from sight, and a different persona took its place: Black Frost.
“I remember this one.” Twilight said with a determined look on her face. “Persona!” She exclaimed having her persona use Ziodyne on Black frost, knowing full well what would happen if she used an ice or fire attack. They continued fighting, going all out in their battle. Until finally… Twilight fell to the ground panting heavily. “N-no more…” She looked up to see Yu extending his hand to help her up. Still panting heavily, she grabbed his hand, getting back to her feet. “Thanks…”
“You did great. You really are improving quickly.”
“Yeah but you still beat me…”
“Don’t feel so bad, Twilight. I’ve used personas longer than you. I just have more experience that’s all.” he said handing Twilight a medicine.
“Thanks…” she sighed and took it. “I need to get better… I can’t let everyone down if I’m not strong enough to beat this threat…”
“Then let’s start practicing with shadows. And don’t worry, I’ll have your back.”
Twilight nodded. “Alright, I trust you.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back in Equestria…
Sunset Shimmer sighed as she stood before the two big doors in front of her.
“Are you alright darling…?” Rarity asked standing next to her.
“No… I’m not alright…!” Sunset let out. “What if she doesn’t forgive me!?”
“I doubt she would be like that dear… after all you’ve changed for the better now.”
“But I never came back. I stole her students crown and element of harmony…!” Sunset felt a hoof on top of her.
“You were her student as well you know…”
“Yeah, and a horrible one…” Sunset started letting tears of guilt and anguish fall.
“I’m here with you, alright…?”
Sunset smiled at Rarity slightly. “Thanks Rarity…” she sighed and looked back at the door. “I came here to make things right again… and that’s just what I’m going to do. But Rarity?”
“Yes dear?”
“Do you think maybe you could go in first? I’m still feeling nervous…”
Rarity nodded and slowly opened the door to Princess Celestia’s room with her magic. Sunset stayed behind her to stay hidden at first, out of fear. Princess Celestia looked a bit surprised to see Rarity. “Rarity? Is something the matter?”
“Well… um…” Rarity stammered. “There’s somepony who would like to see you.”
“Is it the pony standing behind you…?”
“Y-yes…” Rarity answered starting to feel worried herself.
“Who--”
“P-Princess Celestia…” a voice hesitantly said. A voice that rung in Celestia’s head, bringing back many memories. Sunset Shimmer walked up from behind Rarity, keeping her head down.
Celestia’s eyes widened as the sound of a dropped scroll and quill could be heard in the room. “S...Sunset Shimmer…”
“I know that you must have mixed feelings about seeing me here…”
“You could say that…”
“And I know that sorry isn’t even close to enough for you to forgive me for what I’ve done…” Sunset said as the floodgates holding her tears finally burst letting down streams on her face. “But I swear, I want to change for you…” Sunset choked. “I’ve been the absolute worst student you have ever taught, and Twilight really was the better choice… I’m so sorry for hurting so many other ponies… and more importantly, I’m sorry for hurting you…” she closed her eyes hanging her head down again. But quickly opened her eyes feeling the embrace of somepony… she looked to see that it was Celestia holding on to her tight, also in tears.
“Sunset Shimmer… Of course I forgive you…” Celestia sniffled. “I’ve just been waiting so long for you to say those words, I started to lose hope… And it was my fault as well, you can’t take all the blame.”
That was the time to respond. Sunset Shimmer immediately returned the embrace crying more heavily. “No Princess, I was being selfish… All I did was think about gaining more power and I never even focused on friendship at the time…” she sobbed. "All I did in that other world, before Twilight came, was tear everyone else's friendships apart..."
“Yet here you are… asking for a friend to help you.”
Sunset Shimmer looked back to see her friend. “Wait a second… where’d she go?”
“What?” Celestia asked looking around. She let go of Sunset. “Rarity??” They both ran out together to look for the white unicorn. “Where could she have gone?”
“HALT!!” The voice of a guard exclaimed.
“This way!” Sunset Exclaimed running toward the source of the voice, as Celestia followed. Eventually, they spotted one of Celestia’s guards on the ground. “What happened??”
“T-there was a cloaked pony… he was carrying one of Princess Twilight’s friends on his back. I think she was unconscious…”
“Where did he run off to!?” Celestia exclaimed. The guard slowly pointed toward the direction with little strength. “Let’s go!” Sunset nodded and followed. As they ran, they then saw the cloaked pony running as well. “HALT!!”
Of course, he kept on going but at a faster pace. “Get back here you son of a bitch!!” Sunset exclaimed. “Where the hell is he even going??”
“It looks like he’s headed towards the private… No!!”
“What!? What is it!?”
“He’s headed towards the private theater room! How could he possibly know about it though!?”
“Damn it, he’s going to escape through the screen!!”
“Escape through the screen…?” Celestia asked. “You know about what happened??” They ran into the room panting, and he was already gone.
“It’s more complicated than that…” Sunset said still panting, slowly sticking her hoof into the theater screen.
Celestia looked at Sunset wide-eyed. “H-how…?”
“Look, it’s hard to explain, but right now I need to call Twilight and Narukami for help.” Sunset Shimmer started. “Do you think you can teleport both of us to Twilight’s castle?”
“Of course.” Celestia nodded as her horn quickly glowed brightly and in an instant, they were both gone.
College.. College... College... I'M GOING INSANE HERE!!! 
Help... me...
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*pats on the back* There there. Another great chapter and some much needed rest
Tell us what the personas are for the ponies do not just say his or her persona
As a preface, I'm not saying this story is horrible, but I tend to pick up on the negative better than the positive, and this story does need a lot of work. With that said, here are my thoughts:
You need an editor, badly. This story is rife with grammatical errors ranging from understandable to ones that simply should not exist if you had proofread.
Everything just kinda reads as bland. A rule of storytelling is show, don't tell, something this story struggles with. When I read it, there just doesn't seem to be any emotion there; it's just dry. Take the first Shadow battle, for example.
That's great and all, but you seem to be assuming that everyone reading this is familiar with what exactly a Slipping Halberie is, and there is absolutely no other description given that I can see. On a similar note, the ponified Investigation Team may be on the cover image, but that doesn't excuse you from giving a description of them. In particular, since they're wearing clothing in the image and some of them are blocked by others, making it hard to be certain which race each member belongs to. Also, a description of their cutie marks, or a lack thereof.
The pacing needs work. It feels like you go over things way too quickly. I still don't think Twilight's Arcana has been revealed, let alone the actual names of Twilight and Sunset's Personas. The individual scenes as a whole just feel kind of shallow. Also, the Investigation Team, Yu in particular, is kinda a walking Deus Ex Machina with his experience and Wild Card power. It can work, but do have a care not to overuse it.
The exception to that is the battle scenes, which veer into the "too much detail" side of things. You don't need to say the name of every stat-affecting spell every single time, y'know. On a related note, you don't have to follow the game's version of the rules; those are only there because they need to be. You can freeform combat a bit more, like in the animation.
The characters feel... off. I won't say "out of character", because their actions are still believable, but something about them just doesn't feel quite right.
On a related note, the dialogue comes off as particularly stilted. I suspect this is partially because of the grammar errors, and partially because of how you describe the dialogue.
Finally, there are several idiosyncrasies with the Persona series (Or at least from what I know of it, having played 3 and 4). In the Persona series, every Shadow is absolutely rife with symbolism, but for Twilight's, I can't think of anything beyond a generic "Evil/Holy" split. If you could elaborate on it, that'd be fantastic. Also in regards to the battle with Shadow Twilight:
I'm going to assume you meant "Maragidyne" here. How is that spell new to those two? Yukiko learns it at level 68. And in regards to Shadow Twilight's defeat, in both the animation and the game, it's quite clear that enough damage has to be dealt to the Shadow that's managed to split from the actual person (i.e. beat their boss form). Except, this clearly didn't happen with Shadow Twilight; she may have taken a few hits, but she definitely wasn't defeated, so the whole fight feels like a cop-out.
Sunset's friendship with Yu wouldn't give her either the Fool or the World Arcanas, the former being reserved for after major story events (which I interpret as the Wild Card's personal growth), and the latter used for the collective social links in P4. It is worth noting that the Arcana of a Persona wielder does not necessarily have to match the Arcana they wield; Aegis' Persona is of the Chariot Arcana, but her Social Link in Persona 3 Portable grants the Aeon Arcana. In addition, after the events of P3, Aegis becomes of the Fool Arcana as well.
Why does I'm also confused as to why Sweetie Belle is of the Justice Arcana. If you're going for parallels with Nanako, it's true that their situations have similarities, but there is a staggering personality difference between Nanako and Sweetie Belle.
Truth be told, I'm also a little iffy on the whole "Izanami got bored" bit, with her simply choosing to try the same thing in a different world as best as I can tell, but for the sake of the plot existing I'll let that one slide.
Finally, while this one isn't particularly important, when will you introduce Sunset's battle support? And if you're going to say it's Human!Twilight, I'd urge you to either reconsider or think very carefully about how you go about introducing that; Teddie got away with being support for the first part of P4 because he lives in the TV world, but all the others have needed Personas, and Human!Twilight in particular (as you've shown her) is so unfamiliar with things like magic that I'd have a hard time thinking she'd understand the Shadows all that well without a Persona of her own.
Actually, while typing that last sentence, I realized something. I like how there seems to be a link between the Equestria Girls world and Equestria proper. However, I'm a bit confused. As far as I can tell from what I've read so far, either both variants have to be tossed in by different people at roughly the same time, or tossing one version in seems to affect the other's version. If it's the latter, that raises all sorts of interesting questions, such as whether you have to rescue both versions, and if rescuing one saves the other, how any Personas gained might affect the version who didn't face their Shadow?
...Sorry, went on a bit of a tangent there. One last thing. Aside from the link I mentioned, I also enjoyed the essence of the dialogue between Twilight and her Shadow.
DUDE!!!! This is BRILLIANT!! This just inspired me to write my own P4/MLP fic!
The dialogue is fairly well written and, while a bit off in places, is certainly something I could see coming from these characters—especially the characters from Persona. Implementation is a bit clunky though. Describe the character's expressions and actions in a way that conveys their emotions rather than outright stating them. To use the old adage: show, don't tell.
Also, I would recommend looking into the Major Arcana before going too far. While I can see Justice working for Sweetie Belle, it feels like your decision is more because she's a good Nanako parallel than because of Sweetie's character.
okay i like the story so far, but i am affraid that it could be to much if you involve the Human and the Equestria main six and Persona 4 Ponies, i think i wait for now and see how you do it.
Question!
Is this story dead? It better not... I'm loving it!
5648892 Okay what about Sunset and Twilight's Persona?
5648907 .... I have no idea. I didn't write this.
I wonder who will be the Adachi in this world. or the Taro. Or-
*Muffled*
HELLLLPPPPP!!!!!
*Gone*
5648936 Sorry, I'm a bit tired right now so I didn't notice, I just thought that the person that would reply to me would be the author.
5648962 It's ok.
5648872 i think i watched it, didn´t he punched him in the face and talked afterwards? I am not sure anymore, but i watched it.
I think Twilight only talked i think, it was somehow weird.
aside from the mildly misleading title and minor grammar errors i really like this fic.
Is this canceled, or are you going to make more
6591240
Been busy lately.
6614145 ok
I love this story I hope to see the next chapter soon!
I hope this amazing fic is continued
7242472 Yay
AHH SHIT!! whelp this is gonna be a hard one to beat XD
6614145
So, how are things going in regards to this? Just curious if I should have it on Tracking or not.
This like the best persona 4 crossover, please come back to this
hey is this gonna continue? im kinda invested now.