Greetings, guest. Welcome to the Velvet Room.
My, you are certainly an unusual guest! I can't say I've ever seen one such as you enter this room before. However, every meeting in this place has a purpose. You have my full cooperation.
I will be brief. In mere days--perhaps less--your life will change radically. Your being here is one sign of that. Though I cannot say how it will change, I can say this: This room can only be entered by those bound in a contract, or those who soon will be. It is bound to your fate. We will be here as you travel down your path towards the truth, and we will guide you as much as we are able.
I look forward to working with you, Princess Sparkle. This will certainly be a fascinating turn of events.
Apparently I got featured on or near 11/2/2014! I can honestly say I never expected this to happen! Thank you to everyone who made this possible!
I'm going to be honest... the long and short description tell me nothing about what this story is about beyond a MLP x Persona crossover.
4069908 Yyyeah, that's a good point...wasn't sure what else to put there that wouldn't spoil anything, honestly.
4070030 What's it about? Who's the main character? You need to tell us something.
As a fan of Persona, it really didn't interest me. The Velvet Room scene felt... mediocre at best. It didn't grab my attention and make me actually want to know what's going to happen next, it only made me think about how there was something happening next.
If you're planning on making this story really well done like the Persona series (i.e.: adding in tons of social interaction, adding in Tartarus/The Midnight Channel/whatever you're going to use, having the date/time system), then I highly suggest you wait off on this. Taking into account the fact that you've only just made an account within the past one and a half weeks and that this is your first story -- or, at least, on this site -- you really wouldn't be ready for the level of complexity an excellent Persona crossover requires. I even tried making one a few months ago, and after some writing and well-said advice from fellow writers, I decided to call it quits because it was way too hard, and I've been writing for a few years. Even the guy who told me how massive an undertaking like that had been writing for around twenty years. Then again, different people have different skill levels, so it could go either way.
Ninetempest currently has a great Persona crossover up on his account (you can go to it here) that you can read to help yourself understand what you'll be needing to do (sort of) to write a great Persona crossover.
Hope I've been of some help!
4070211 Thank you very much for your honesty, for starters, as well as linking me to the other crossover (I think it'll help a lot). I'm not the best writer, but I do have some experience. As it so happens, I'm just not very good with beginnings--which may just seem like a convenient cover-up, but it's just something I've learned to accept and try to work on. Either way, though, I'd still like to make the effort. It may not be any good, but I just want to tell this story more than anything, no matter how awkwardly I tell it. I have a few chapters written out that I just haven't posted here, and I'd like to think that it picks up. We'll just see what happens.
4073080
I can already tell, you're going to go places.
Looks interesting, I'll read it later.
Ok. You've caught my interest. Let's see where this goes.
As mysterious as ever, Igor. And Filthy Rich dead? Damn, poor Diamond Tiara. I wonder if the CMC will try to help her someway. Knowing her, they'll try and get rejected on some sort of "i don't need pity from blank-flanks" premise. Maybe Silver Spoon can help bridge the gap.
Ah, but look at me spitballing. I wait patiently for the next chapter.
Merlin as Twilight's Persona is fitting... but him being of the Fool Arcana doesn't feel quite right.
4083270 Actually, he's Magician. It may seem a bit too convenient, but after researching all of the Arcana, I figured Magician fit Twilight the best.
4083374 Huh, usually only Fools can enter the Velvet Room. Or at least that's what we've seen in the games.
Not bad, not bad. No Wild card, huh? I suppose the Magician works for her, as it represents both power but also immaturity. Twilight may be smart, but she's got a lot to learn before being wise.
Feel free to call me if you need help working on the others. I've done plenty of research as I'm doing my own Persona fic now.
4083392 Actually in Persona 1 and 2 all the teammates could enter the Velvet Room. In addition any character could use many Persona's of many Aracanas, but they worked best when they matched the same Arcana of the user. The system changed with P3.
This is nice, i was expecting something else than a Persona 4 setting though, but i like it. And the idea of the Magician Arcana for Twilight is really nice, i like it so far
Now that's weird. If the book was found in Canterlot, how did Filthy Rich get inside? There must be another book.
Also, once again, poor Diamond Tiara. I wonder if she'll be a social link. The Hanged Man sounds about right.
4086097 I think you're thinking of the wrong castle. The book is in the ancient castle--y'know, the one in the Everfree Forest.
4086124 Ah. My mistake. I must've missed that.
Whoa, two in one day, and this one even longer than the previous one? You are on a roll! Just one minor correction, you wrote "Sphinges" when you must've meant "Sphinxes". Just one tiny error.
So is Peregrine based off of one of the Catholic Saints, or is it just the falcon?
Chariot is definitely appropriate for Dash. If I may, I'd like to give my own thoughts on what the others of the Mane 6 would be:
Applejack could be Strength, as that Arcana symbolizes power but with restraint and reason.
Fluttershy would be good either for the Priestess, symbolizing femininity and hidden power, or the Empress, which is motherliness.
Rarity I think could work as the Devil, as it symbolizes temptation and either giving into it too much or not enough, or perhaps the Moon, deceit.
Pinkie might work as the Star, hope, or the Sun, joy.
And I wonder if Spike will get his wish… the hard way.
Anyway, eagerly awaiting more, not to mention just what roll Igor and Margaret will play seeing as they're no compendium to work with.
4087289 Actually, I recently found out that Sphinges and Sphinxes both work as plurals for Sphinx. I think Sphinges is actually the "formal" plural.
Peregrine is indeed just based on the falcon. It was actually pretty tough for me to find names of legendary birds for later use.
4087329 Garuda? Then again, if you're trying not to use personas that have come up in the series yet, then forget it. Besides, just the name Peregrine itself is cool.
Oh, now this is interesting. For once letting in those that don't know about the Personas, and this Dominant link sounds interesting. However, does it have limitations? If I understand it correctly if the one she's bonding with has a persona, Merlin will permanently gain a new ability, but the increase in stats only works when one Dominant Link is asserted, is that correct? If she can only assert one link at a time, that's fine, but if she can do multiple ones at once then it's a bit OP.
4093290 Yeah, she can only assert one bond at a time. Asserting a new bond automatically reverts the bonus of the old one while still allowing Merlin to keep the new skills.
4093513 Ok then, yeah, that doesn't sound too OP. Also, can she switch them on the fly or does she have to do it in the Velvet Room?
And Rarity is the Moon, huh?
4093556 Eeeeeeyup. Originally I was going to go with Empress, but the motherly attitude that's more dominant in that Arcana doesn't apply to Rarity as much as it would with others.
Jack of Clubs? You're really deviating from the norm of the whole Gods, demons, and myths aren't you? Still, looks like you're handling it well so far.
I sense Shadow Yukiko inspiration here, as well as a bit of Mitsuru if I'm not mistaken. I'm expecting Spike to get a Persona as well, seeing as how he's sort of the Teddie of the group. And dear lord, you killed Lotus too? There isn't going to be a death at every stage here, is there?
And that pony you keep describing has to have something to do with this. One would guess that this character is the killer, but then again this is a Persona inspired fic, so that could be a red herring.
This fic caught my attention and, I have to say that I am impressed with how your writing style absorbed me in the fic. Though I haven't played a Persona game myself, I do know enough of the series to not be locked out on what is happening, so that is a plus.
Good on you author, and I hope you continue writing for the time to come
Okay I can see Spike summoning Bahamut as his Persona.
This chapter was just beautiful. I loved how the children interacted with Twilight in this chapter.
Damn, I was afraid you were going make Cherilee the next victim. Thank goodness that's not the case. Since I didn't comment on the previous I'll comment about both here.
Looks like Twilight's got quite a few Social Links in the bag already. Seeing as they are OC's I'm really looking for forward to learning about Ruby, Looking Glass, and Siren. I also like how the whole class is the Fool, and also that Twilight is making a connection with them. Will these links rank up?
Let's see, what we've got filled in that leaves The High Priestess (possibly Fluttershy), The Empress (also a likely candidate), Emperor, Lovers, Hermit (Zecora?), Strength (Applejack maybe), Death, Tower, Star (Pinkie Pie?), Sun (also a likely candidate), Judgement and World. Really looking forward to how these fill out, especially the more ominous ones like Death and Tower.
Poor Spike. "Baja Blast" is going to stay with me for a while.
I like how you're breaking the Persona conventions, telling those who haven't even been to the book world about the Personas, not to mention telling Spike about Igor and Margaret, while still keeping everything intact. However, by far your biggest and most impressive feat is making me want to actually drop everything and give Diamond Tiara a hug. Kudos for that.
4112558 I'm actually debating whether or not to include every major Arcana. I'm fully aware that every official game has done it (as far as I know, anyway), but seeing as Twilight doesn't necessarily need to establish Social Links with every Arcana due to only having one Persona, I'm considering just keeping it to these and maybe a few more--that way, I can focus on making the ones that I DO include more deep and meaningful.
4087329
Horus and Ra from Egyptian myth, Roc from Persia, Ziz from Jewish.
4114499 That could be very interesting. Still, the gamer in me wants to see every link come up, but if you do it well (and so far I have no reason to believe you can't) I won't make a fuss.
I'll still bear with you.
Really going into the obscure here, huh? I had no idea there were individual Sphinxes.
And yay, we finally have our first rescued victim! Which of course leaves Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and perhaps even Spike to be kidnapped too. Anyway, can't wait to see what Fluttershy will tell them, even if it's not much.
I will eagerly await, no matter how long it takes.
4118229 To be honest, Naravirala is just the word "man-cat" (or something along those lines) in...Sanskrit, I believe? Even so, it is associated with the Sphinx.
aaand Twilight Sparkle and Bright Side are going to hang out more often. I don't want to say any more in fear of causing you to have to find a new idea to work with.
Now this is interesting. Forging a link with the same Arcana the user is? I'd really like to see where this goes. And Bright Side's cutie mark is just a black dot? I'll be honest, I'm a bit afraid of what that might mean.
So basically someone mind raped Fluttershy?
4145204
Sounds like it, which suggests either a unicorn or a changeling is the one responsible, unless there's someone that's figured out how to cast spells without a horn. Unfortunately the information doesn't really narrow the suspect field that much, though if this is like Persona 4, I'd imagine anyone Twilight forms a bond with is unlikely to be the one they're looking for so it's probably not a named character.
4146874
Well, unless we take Golden into account.
I like the Idea of the Dominant Link. It would be awesome if they did that for Persona 5, cause I like the idea of keeping your starting persona and it just gaining more power and abilities based on your bonds.
Maybe you have already thought of this, but there is a hole in this story concept that I feel I have to point out.
Unlike the game Persona 4 that takes place in something resembling the real world where any kind of magic or supernatural occurrence will never be accepted as reality. Your fic is taking place in a magical land that already has things weirder than portals to other worlds. This story does not do enough to cover this or explain why Twilight feels she can't just tell Celestia or the detective everything she knows. Given the setting Celestia would probably believe her.
4175868 You have a point, but the nature of the forces at work in the other world are very different from the magic that Equestria is used to. In addition, the knowledge of other worlds as a whole isn't shown to be public knowledge. While it is true that Celestia would probably believe Twilight, the odds of someone who isn't in on government secrets--i.e. Looking Glass--believing something like that are much lower. As for Celestia...well, in my opinion, no novel-length MLP fanfiction is truly complete without at least one visit to the princesses, so I'm going to address it eventually.
Cherilee is next victim. Calling it now.
Well, I must say, this is the biggest plot twist yet! Another entrance to the world, and Shining Armor already has a Persona? This could be extremely interesting. Also, nice job mentioning Flash Sentry. I think most of the fandom either snubs him or forgets about him completely, and I'll be honest I kinda fell into the latter category. Also, nice to see Daimond Tiara doing better. Little filly needs it.
I liked the little touch you brought in with the Shadow Fluttershy fight. If I didn't know better, I'd say you took a page out of the Shrooboid Brat fight from Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time.
4192367 Let me ask you something...are you psychic?
I admit that I loved the whole "audience participation" aspect of that boss, and considering the location of the Shadow Fluttershy fight, I figured it wouldn't hurt to throw it in.
Shining Armor facing his Shadow and getting his Persona is quite startling actually. I especially love the Persona of Choice that you gave him. Would that make him of the Emperor Arcana then?
I'm enjoying this fic so much so far.
I suppose I'm the only one that sees the irony in Shining's Persona and Twilight's. King Arthur and Merlin.
4195710 PURE COINCIDENCE, I TELL YOU