Twilight and the others stepped off the Friendship Express as it came to a halt at the Crystal Empire. Celestia was still wearing shades to avoid wincing at her own sunlight, and Luna was poorly hiding mirth at her sister's expense. Everyone had heard out the tales of Twilight's adventures, though she'd only gotten as far as the revelation of the Dimensionator. As soon as she'd finished explaining what it did, Celestia had started chugging whole barrels of cider, and the reunion had devolved into the sort of party one expected to be attended by members of a fraternity, rather than royal dignitaries...mostly because dignity was nowhere in sight.
When the day dawned bright and clear, Celestia had looked out at the world, mumbled, "Still here...guess we're gonna be okay," and started talking about what would need to be done now that Twilight was a Princess. The conversation had been...enlightening.
"We really should make our way to Canterlot," Celestia observed as she put shades on to shield her eyes - sensitive as they were at the moment - from the light of her sun. "There is the coronation to plan-"
"Pass," Twilight responded immediately. "Mom and Dad aren't in Canterlot at the moment, so I'm going to head to the Crystal Empire to see Shining and Cadence."
Celestia blinked in surprise. "Well, there is a Princess Summit being hosted there soon, but the nobles will throw a fit if a new Princess appears and isn't coronated properly, with all the surrounding pomp and circumstance."
"Let them, the spoiled upstarts," Luna grumbled irritably.
"Really, Luna-"
"I'm with Luna on this one," Twilight interrupted Celestia. "I don't recall liking any of them - save Fancy Pants and Fleur - so why should I want to let them make a fuss over me? If they feel I'm snubbing them and want to complain, then they can kiss my well-toned flanks." She smirked to herself. "I've been told by trusted sources that they are quite kissable."
Celestia wondered how long it would take before she got used to being gobsmacked by Twilight's changes. She wasn't sure which caught her by greater surprise here: that she interrupted her; that she voiced disagreement with her; or that she spoke so calmly of sexual matters. 'Whatever happened to the sweet little filly who blushed prettily at the mere discussion of kissing?' she thought silently to herself.
'She grew up,' her wiser self observed.
'And how!' a different part of her mind observed.
'Shush!' she scolded herself.
"While I can't disagree with your assessment," Luna spoke up, "it is hardly the best start to your reign. It won't do much to warm you to your subjects-"
"Spike, take a letter to Fancy Pants," Twilight spoke up. Spike immediately pulled out scroll and quill. "Lord Fancy Pants, this is Twilight Sparkle. I am certain you remember me, both from my time in Canterlot as Princess Celestia's student and from that time my birthday party and your garden party intersected. If nothing else, my dancing was hard to forget." She flushed a bit as that brought several giggles from listeners. "I am certain rumor will have reached you before this letter...and it is true that I am now a newly ascended Princess. As you knew me personally from before, I can trust you to deliver this message to the nobles of the Court. Please inform them that my exact words are that I can't make time for an official coronation as I am too busy becoming accustomed to the duties and responsibility being a Princess bring with it to take time to let anyone treat me like one. Thank you for this favor. Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Spike smiled as he finished the letter, sending it off on a plume of dragonfire. Celestia stared, once more completely gobsmacked.
"And now you know why she made such a good VP!" Qwark spoke up happily.
And now the group was in the Crystal Empire, looking forward to a quiet reunion with Cadence and Shining Armor so Twilight could explain to even more of her family what had happened to her. From the way things had been going, Celestia wouldn't be surprised if it ended the same way yesterday's gathering had.
As she saw Twilight and Cadence perform their ladybug greeting, followed by Shining and Cadence' stunned reactions to the new members of the family, Celestia wondered what the state of the Crystal Empire wine cellar was.
Sunset Shimmer paused as she stepped out of the mirror portal, once more a unicorn. She kept her cloak up to hide her features, as the last thing she wanted was to be recognized by Princess Celestia when she was stealing the Element of Magic. Carefully, she made her way through the halls towards the room where she could feel the Element from. However, her dedication to stealth quickly seemed fruitless as she saw something she'd never thought she'd see.
Princess Celestia and a dark blue alicorn she didn't recognize were swaying together down the hall, bottles of fine wine held precariously in their wings as they staggered along singing a song they'd obviously learned from Canterlot Castle's head chef, a Scottish Highland ram.
"Now the scotsram woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees..."
Sunset Shimmer quickly went the other direction, torn between being enraged at seeing Celestia celebrating something that eagerly, confused at the identity of the other alicorn, and scandalized at seeing Princess Celestia inebriated.
Eventually, she reached the room she was searching for, seeing the crown she wanted on the nightstand. She carefully made her way over, reaching into her saddlebags to fish out the fake she was swapping it with. The swap happened without problems as she pocketed the Element and turned to leave-
"Zurkon the Bearded thinks you should put the crown back, squishy pony."
That robotic voice caused Sunset Shimmer to yelp, backpedaling away from the floating robot. "What the fuck?"
"Who the hell are you?" another stranger alicorn demanded from the bed as she sat up, armor spreading out over her body as she yanked out something that resembled a long, technical tube.
"Is that an anti-tank rifle?" Sunset screamed in fear, before ducking as a shot rang out. The charged particles punched a hole through the crystal wall of the castle and kept going. "Shit, that's an anti-tank sniper rifle!" Sunset yelped before taking to her hooves.
"GET BACK HERE!" the lavender alicorn screamed as she pursued, hauling out a different weapon that resembled a futuristic rocket launcher before discharging its payload towards Sunset Shimmer.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" Sunset screamed as she ran back towards the mirror, nearly tripping over Celestia as she lay sprawled across the hallway.
Celestia let out a loud snort. "Naw, Sunset..." she mumbled somewhere between drunkenly and sleepily. "I dun' do that wit my students...I'm not Starswirl..."
This brought both Sunset and the lavender alicorn to a screeching halt. "...wow," Sunset murmured in stunned amazement. "You think you know a legendary unicorn after studying him for years..."
"So many questions..." the lavender alicorn murmured. She then blinked. "Hey! That's my Element in your bag!" She swung the rocket launcher towards Sunset.
Sunset screamed in terror and teleported away, only for the explosion of the rocket to knock her flat, sending the crown through the portal. Sunset quickly scrambled after it.
As the chaos finally brought everyone there, Twilight turned to Celestia. "So...what's this mirror-portal thing, and who's Sunset?"
Author, you have some splainin to do here.
heh..that last bit reminds me of hellsing abridged..and now i cant help but think gokus "ima deck u in the snoze" line is going to crop up when twi meets sunset in the mirror
Ok this is running farther then I thought it would, are we going to do the Equestria Girl's bit with this or what?
Twilight with Ratchet and Clank weaponry in Equestria Girls? Oh boy, this is going to be interesting.
can anypony say PTSD....sunset sure can now..:)
Here Twilight goes again: leaving Equestria for a 'Land Without Magic'.... but this time she has some 'Friendship With Explosions'.
BITCHES LOVE CANNONS!
Love it... I wonder if that goat was given "first prize" ribbon form Celestia herself.
Ah~ the anti-tank rifle gag. Thank you Hellsing abridged for that gem.
7813958
Sheep, not goat.
Oh ho~ gonna love seeing a genre savvy Sunset in this story.
THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!!!
CANTERLOT HIGH SCHOOL, HERE WE COOOOMMEEEEEE!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!
... TFS Luke Valentine doesn't quite fit here, as none of the weapons from the series could be classified as 'anti-tank'.
They tend to better fit the term 'anti-everything'.
Also, you missed your shot at "Bitches love cannons."
You'd have been better off going for a TFS line from the Android saga.
In the immortal words of one of my favorite authors...
Yoink!
Real comedy would be sending Qwark through the portal.
Bonus points of Rainbow Dash has played Ratchet and Clank and recognizes everyone. Didn't Twilight watch MLP at some point in the Dreadzone?
just go into that portal guns blazing and blow everything up
Oh, i can see it now! First meeting with Sunset in human world will be on the gunpoint. Literaly!
What will her guns turn into on the other side? Because even in America, spilling a bag of high powered weapons all over the ground is considered bad form.
Please put me down on Twilight adopting Sunset after all of this. I suddenly get the feeling that she may also end up adopting the Dazzlings as well. I feel like Celestia is going to be in a coma for a while after all of this.
Oh, so this is now going EQG. Let the chaos ensue, cause now Twilight can surely change things up. While magic might not make it's way with her, her tech surely can.
Am I the only one contemplating the idea of Twilight reverse-engineering the magic of the mirror solely to acquire a method by which she could transform for Nefarious the way Nefarious transforms for her?
It WOULD be a very nice surprise for the evil robot mastermind.
7814234 nope, I thought of that too when I realized he was doing the Equestria girls thing
loving this
7814048 No, she watched the events of FortressShy.
Wait are you now gonna do a eqg arc with this
I wonder if they will find Quark's parents over there.
7814268 I'm predicting he'll just do either a sort of highlights reel showing what changed, or we skip forward to Twilight coming back through the mirror and giving a quick recap.
So Equestria Girls is happening here. I love it!
7814152 This needs to happen, there's comedic gold in them there hills.
Oh, the anti-tank rifle gag. I just love it!
And thus we have our first PWNY foray beyond the mirror... this is going to be EPIC. Loved the Hellsing Abridged reference there, by the way.
Drunklestia is very amusing. I love Twilight's letter to Fancy Pants, can't wait to see the reaction. And Sunset's reactions to Twilight's weapons.. pure genius!!!!
7814152 I like this idea, it has much potential.
7814234 Another good idea.
Well...at least we don't have to worry about Flash Sentry...
7814324 hope he does a eqg one would be sooo cool to see twilight beat up demonshimmer
well now. I do believe that celestia has drank enough to down 10 dragons at once. also....
7814152
I agree fully with you're idea. that needs to happen to not only make her family bigger but also to get sun flank drunk on the floor.
Everyone is pointing out the hellsing abridged stuff but I remember this song
"Now the scotsram woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees..."
And now you can too. Merry Christmas
...Reference to Merlin?
So Celestia even trolls herself...
7814835 I remembered it to. Such a classic.
Always makes me laugh.
This will be one heck of a Fall Formal...
There is so much here that I love! Can I give this another fave/thumbs up? No? Well, shit. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
Zurkon the Bearded! He will save the day and be crowned Fall Formal King Zurkon the Bearded.
Though, he will not make friends. Just holes. Many, many holes.
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7815569
Actually, it was implying that Starswirl's Teacher/Student relationship with Clover was less than professional after hours, and that's one teaching habit Celestia refused to emulate.
7815666 ...In reality* most likely (and in Changelings too most likely, curiously enough).
*: kinda like an insane villain, with the dimensinator, but worse
P.S.
7815599
dude Ratchet and clank are my alltime heros RYNO god the wording for that makes me laugh
rip ya a new one
I DO so hope Canterlot High has some GREAT Insurance on its building... IT WILL NEED IT
Anti-tank sniper rifle....
RUN SHIMMY RUNNNN!!!
7815738 Is there an implication to Twilight's ancestry in here perhaps...?
7817793
No references whatsoever. Just a joke that apparently went over everyone's head.
7817819 Oh, it was funny, but kinda in a Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick way for us, and a Too Much Information way for Sunset (Because Twilight seems to subvert it.).
7815745 Can you read your comment aloud, please? I have not the slightest idea of what you are saying.
"P.S."? P.S. What? Just seeing that hang there is like an incomplete high five. Or worse, a cliffhanger.