The Third Time's the Charm
“Hey AJ! What’s up?” Rainbow asked as she landed on a nice, thick branch sitting a good ten feet above the farm pony. She stretched, and after a short yawn, she lounged back against the trunk of the tree, letting her legs dangle over the sides of the branch.
“Nothin’ much, Sugarcube,” Applejack replied, a bit peeved at the fact that Rainbow had just decided to take a nap in the tree that she was just about to harvest. How does she not notice all of the empty bins below her? “So, um… Anything I can help you with today?”
“Nah, I just wanted to take a nap in one of your awesome trees…” Rainbow replied with another yawn. She shifted positions, scooting forward until she was able to prop her head up on the trunk. “I was gonna just use a cloud like always, but since it’s so noisy around town today, I figured it’d be nice of me to drop by and say hey.”
“Yeah… you know I was just about to work on harvesting these here apples from the tree you want to take a nap in, right?” Applejack asked. “Would you mind moving over to one of the trees that I’ve already done?”
“Hm…” Rainbow sat up as she thought about it. “Nah, I like this one here just fine! Come back to this one when I’m done with my nap, ‘kay?” Propping her head up on her hooves behind her, Rainbow smiled and closed her eyes, letting her tail flick about lazily as she tried to drift off to a nice, peaceful nap.
Little did she know was that Applejack had other plans for her.
“Alright Applebloom, I’m gonna teach ya an old Apple family tradition, something that’s been passed down from generation to generation. It’s something called…” Applejack trailed off as she pointed a hoof at the sleeping rainbow-maned pegasus, an evil-looking grin slowly forming on her muzzle. “Knock the rude sleeping pegasus from the tree!”
“Hehe, this sounds like fun!” Applebloom said happily, jumping up and down from excitement. “So… what do you want me to do?” she asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between her target and a bin stuffed full of rotten apples beside them.
“First, I want you to practice on this here tree over yonder,” Applejack said, pointing to another tree with an empty bin perched on its side, sitting on a branch about the same height of the one that Rainbow was on. “While you do that, I’m gonna go and get something a little… soft for our friend to fall into so she doesn’t get hurt when we hit ‘er!”
“Sounds good to me!” Applebloom said, her tail flicking back and forth in excitement. “So how do you do it?”
“Oh, it’s pretty dern easy! All you have to do is grab it like this in yer hoof, stand up on your back legs, and as you fall forward, chuck the apple as hard as you can! See? Just like this…” Applejack grabbed an apple from the bin next to them and hefted it. Standing up on her back legs, she raised the leg with the apple in it, and as she fell forward, she threw the apple as hard as she could, smiling as it splattered all across the center of the empty bucket.
“Wow, nice shot, sis!” Applebloom exclaimed, giving her sister a loving nuzzle. “Lemme try!”
“Heh, alright, just keep yer voice down, ya hear? We don’t wanna go and wake up ‘ol Rainbow Dash there…” As her little sister started getting her form down, Applejack couldn’t help but let a chuckle escape her as a devious idea popped into her mind. Instead of grabbing a few hay bales for Rainbow to land on, she decided to switch to a big ole stinking pile of fertilizer.
Also known as cow poo and a ton of other decomposing organic matter that she’d rather not think about.
No longer trying to keep the sly smile from her face, Applejack bit down on one of the ropes attached to the big, smelly bucket and dragged it out from the barn, trying to keep the noise level down. She quietly closed the big barn doors, wincing whenever they squeaked. Breathing a sigh of relief when they shut with a click, Applejack grabbed the rope again and dragged the bucket to where her sister was still throwing apples, moaning and groaning at how horrid their fertilizer smelled the entire time.
“Oh, hey, whatcha got there, sis?” Applebloom asked, deciding to munch on the apple in her hoof.
“Oh, nothing special, just our special reserve fertilizer that we use on the really unhealthy fields. I think it’d be soft enough for Dash, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yep! Although she might need to take a bath afterwards…” she said, pinching her nose shut as the wind’s direction changed, giving her a full whiff of its awful stench. “Ugh… heavens to Betsy, what’s all in there?”
“Well, I know we got some cow dung, maybe some of Winona’s droppings… who knows? All I know is that it’s good enough to break Rainbow’s fall!” Applejack said with a chuckle. Looking up, she saw that most of the practice bucket was filled with partially splattered apple cores. “Hey, it looks like you’ve got it down pat! Wanna show your older sis real quick?”
“Sure!” Applebloom tossed her half-eaten apple away and grabbed a new one. She wound herself up and then hurled the apple dead center at the bucket, smiling as it hit it with a resounding smack. “See! Nothing to it!”
“That’s right, Applebloom!” Applejack said. “Now gimme a minute to get this here bucket in a good position, okay?” She grabbed the rope in her mouth again and gently pulled it into position on the far side of the branch, hopefully where Rainbow would land. Trotting back to where her sister stood ready with an apple in her hoof, she said, “Alright, try to hit ‘er right on the noggin! That’s the way to do it, got it?”
“Got it!” Applebloom said confidently. Eyeing the sleeping pegasus, she reared back and threw the first apple, frowning as it fell an entire foot short of her mark.
“Hey, that’s alright, Sugarcube. Try again!” Applejack whispered, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She couldn’t wait to see Rainbow fall into the disgusting pile of crap. Hehehe, this’ll teach ya not to mess with me… She watched in breathless anticipation as her sister reared back once more, her eyes never leaving the apple as it flew through the air. This time, Applebloom threw it so hard it flew right over Rainbow’s head, only missing it by a few mere inches. Almost there…
Applebloom grabbed one last apple and before she threw it, she said, “Ya know, I’ve got a good feeling about this one…” At that, she chucked the apple as hard as she could right at Rainbow’s head. A moment later, it hit her smack dab right just under her ear. As her older sister cheered, Applebloom giggled as she watched Rainbow wake up with a start before she quickly lost her balance, falling right into the bucket of crap that had been so expertly placed under her.
“Ugh… what the hay is all this crap?” Rainbow asked as she shook her head, an old and rotten banana peel lying right in between her eyes. She looked down in disgust as a horrible, putrid smell suddenly slammed into her nostrils, making her reel back in horror. “Oh hay no… AJ?” She glared at her friend who was now laughing uncontrollably, rolling around on her back. “This isn’t a big pile of cow crap, is it?” As Applejack started laughing harder, Rainbow shifted her gaze to Applebloom. “Did you have anything to do with this?” she asked her as she climbed out of the bucket.
“Uh… no?” Applebloom said as she pointed at her sister, trying to hide her grin with a hoof. “It was all her plan, honest!”
“What?” Applejack asked, taking a break from laughing. She fearfully locked eyes with Rainbow, who was scraping her hoof against the ground much like a bull would who was about to charge.
“Funny thing, AJ; I guess honesty runs in the family, eh?” Rainbow said with a chuckle, shaking her wings to dislodge as much of the gunk as she could. “Now, you wanna see what it’s like to be covered in crap? C’mere you!”
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Oh my god, the moment you posted this story, I thought it had something to deal with bukakke.
IT WAS AMBIGUOUSLY WORDED AND YOU WRITE THOSE KIND OF THINGS. THE CHAPTER TITLE DOESN'T HELP. Sorry, playing too much Borderlands 2.
My one complaint is that it ended too soon.
That was a fun read. I'll upvote and favorite this!
Hi, I'm Applejack. And welcome to Jackass!
All I could think of while reading this.
Hehe, cute.
On a side note, do expletives bump the rating up any? Just wondering.
Loved it!
You my good sir get a mustache
"Apple Bloom" is two words. At least you were consistent.
What an awesome way to make a living, selling your own dung. Also, this may be a little vulgar for an everyone rated story.
This was cute and funny. I shall favorite and like.
KBO.
Somepony needs a bath.
4817356 Eh, true, I took the word shit out.
4817370 NOOO!!! PROFANITY IS GOOD!!
Dash's vengeance shall be absolute.
In regards to the cover art, is it just me or does anyone else just LOVE AJ with that scarf?
Oh wow. Someone is being a massive dick and down voting everyones comments... Wait, I take that back; they are being a little worthless dick since that is both what they are and have for doing that. Calling them a massive one would be a compliment they do not deserve and would probably like.
This was pretty good. I liked it.
*Reads AJ's idea*
You evil mare! That's brilliant!
4817579
It happens. Don't let it get to you.
Woo! Night owls for the win!
Did someone seriously go in the comments and dislike 14 of them in a row? >.<
Lmao! That was fantastic!
Haven't read it yet and it already sounds hilarious.
4817356 It can be spelled either way. Even Hasbro has used both (though they use 'Apple Bloom' more).
4817227 Lol you didn't look at the rating? Silly pone.
4817305 Haha, yeah, that'd be pretty funny, especially if someone wrote a story like that.
4817310 That's a good question. To be honest, I'm gonna say no, primarily because the moderator approved it without saying anything about it, and on top of that, the characters from the show use their own expletives, like ponyfeathers and horseapples.
4817313 Great!
4817357 Yeah, and a good one at that!
4817473 And smelly.
4817513 Aj does look pretty smashing with that scarf
4817579 Lol they can waste their time downvoting comments. It just shows that they have nothing better or more productive to do than to hit a tiny little button that doesn't mean anything.
but ... Eeeewww!!
"Huh, that sounds like something to read."
*clicks, then shuffles to blog updates tab*
"Oh, the Abyss posted two new stories--"
*realizes one of them is this*
*clicks Read Later*
That was great!
The work of Applejack will not be overlooked!
You get a favorite and a like from me my good sir.
It's all right, I guess. I don't think the payoff at the end is really worth the story, though. For me, it wasn't funny enough to be a comedy. It wasn't a slice-of-life, either. It was just kinda blah.
4817305 That actually reminds me of the Poo Cocktail Supreme.
4818168
Yes, yes they did.
4821225
That's exactly what I was thinking of!
A like and follow for the story.
looking forward to the update of I'll and the new twidash
You kind of gave away the punchline in the summary.
4821542
4822718 Lol thanks for the heads up. I guess that's what I get for writing, editing, and publishing this all in one go haha.
4817579
4818168
>TFW it is secretly Abyss downvoting comments
4830294
While it could be possible, it isn't since you can't downvote yourself
4830369
4830294
I have better things to do than hit a button that means nothing.
I love the interactions these two have. They have so much chemistry.
I'd have rather broken my back than fallen into cow crap, though...
4830514
Yeah, I know. But imagine those people that really do spend their time doing that. Pretty meaningless life, really.
Oh Celestia, Rainbow!!!
The only words I have for this story: holy crap!
4818168 Serial comment-downvoting jerks have been plaguing the site for a while now. Since downvoting comments is meaningless, well...they're just proving how empty and meaningless their lives are.
4834078 True that lol. So, like what, they have absolutely nothing better to do other than disliking comments on some my little pony fanfiction? hahaha
4834082 Sad and awkward, isn't it? The worst part is, there are so many people on this site with pointless, empty lives that the trolls breed like parasprites.
4834089 Yeah, it is kinda sad when I know for a fact that any of them could easily write, draw, or create something, anything really. Hell, everyone has the ability to do something, so yeah, it is kinda sad to see them waste their lives in such a pointless manner.
4817305 *giggles like an idiot*
You, sir, get a
