• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Zaid ValRoa


"Fanfic [has] been on the decline since the Aeneid." --Anonymous poster 18/03/15

Sequels1

Comments ( 103 )

I guess I should note that the Prologue and the first three paragraphs were written by other Anons.
The rest is pure me, though.

I should also note that from this point, the story will take on a more "serious" tone.
It'll still be a clop story, but it will focus a bit more on the story, and hopefully it'll be of your liking.
:twilightsmile:

She's selected moi? :twilightblush:

She wants a foal inside her, now.

...wait how the fuck would this work

in an odd state detween sleep and awake.

*between

I might find more if I look properly.

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It's quite simple, really: she wants to be pregnant. I found it to be quite obvious.

Oh-lá-lá, it is some quality going around here! Haha, I love this story.
However, I cannot help but notice, Ms. Harshwhinny is always displayed as a mare in heat, either that or being a sexual-agressive near-dominatrix. Eh.
Well, this story is fantastic anyway, I'm waiting for the next chapter keep going!

-Zeph

Yes! Just how I would imagine her. Direct and to the point. She doesn't have time to pussyfoot around. She's got work to do.

Hmm, they are getting closer, I see.
This twist in the story, with the training to the Derby placed closer, is a nice one.
However, I found a few typos and a name misplacement, I suggest a proofreading.
Well, carry on, give us more!

-Zeph

Wow, a new chapter already!
Things are getting even more serious, hah!
Poor bastard is screwing up everything now, I just wonder, how will all of these come out?..

Only one way to find it out, I guess.

-Zeph

And that concludes Ms. Harshwhinny's Wish.
Leave a comment if you liked my only foray into clop.
I hope you enjoyed it.
:twilightsmile:

Kyah is not a word I'd use out of actual manga :derpytongue2:

Well that was... short. :rainbowderp:

Damn, Harshwhinny, you scary.

Ahh, sweet relief after the last day's chapter, a nice ending, great job!
I suppose it looks stupid how I commented in chain, but whatever, this story deserves attention!

Anyway, I found some typos, just like in the last chapters, easy to fix.
About the story itself: this was a greatly executed short story, lacking all the sap but rich in actual quality and good clop too!
Bravo, dear author, well done!
I wonder... will there be more of this? A sequel, possibly?...

-Zeph

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Huh. I was wondering where the change in detail came from. For a moment, I just thought you'd started out nervous and then got more into it halfway through this chapter.

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Life finds a way
:eeyup:


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Yeah, I'm adapting this from what I wrote on /mlp/ back in December. Several mistakes slipped through.
Still, I hope you liked the story.


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It was the heat of the moment. :twilightblush:

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Would I comment five times if I disliked it? :D
Do a proofreading, fix the typos and such, that's all you need, I told you.

O.O

I reeeaallly hope that this doesn't disappoint me when I read it later. Few enough Harshwhinny clop as it is

I've enjoyed this, like a nice cup of tea.

This was nice, I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

As far as clop goes, this one was pretty good. the orgasm scenes didn't really shine to me, but i think that's because you focused more on fluffy puff stuff instead of the sexiness. Which is all well and good. I'm just kinda surprised anybody could write Ms. Harshwhinny as emotional as this was.

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I just had to.

Awwww!

Now we have to find out if she's going to have his foal and where things go from there.

I DEMAND SEQUEL!!!

Mostly focused on the story elements and not the clop ones, but this is a good story. And this has already been said, BUT I WANT A SEQUEL!:flutterrage:

Well that was a quick read.
Not bad you might wanted to do more with the story and I do not mean the clop side.
Not bad though.

Thanks:twilightsmile:

Pretty good story Zaid. I'll keep an eye out for other releases soon.

Clop with a plot

If it were actually me, I'd let her know sooner. Business before pleasure, you know :trixieshiftright:

Let's see where this goes...

Right in the feels...:ajsleepy:

I'm really liking this story. That being said, I found some things you may want to edit.

You leave the white bag on the table and start looking for glasses on the cabinets.

For this first one, I will admit I could be totally wrong because I don't know much about this sort of thing, but shouldn't it be "in" the cabinets?

"Fancying something to drink? I hate to break it to you, but the drinks from the minibar ar lousy."

Ms. Harshwhinny lays silently, hugging you, while you tryto catch your breath.

Space needed.

It goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining (and then some :rainbowkiss:).

This was perhaps the most stimulating clop piece with a gripping plotline since Apples at Sunset.

A pity SmutAnon is not among us no longer...:ajsleepy:

Found some things you may want to edit.

She lets her panties slide of her leg and trots towards the bathroom.

"I think i do know."

"Its reaaa~dy!" A singing voice announces from the bathroom.

You can feel her tightening, an your hoof squeezes her flank in an attempt to prolong the inevitable. Ms. harshwhinny pressed her rear legs, pulling you closer, and you feel her squirming against the wall.

"You're staying until Thursday, right? Then you'll leave for Hoovingtown?."

"You too" She whispers, before closing the door."

Found some things you may want to edit.

She spoke in a different tone, with a different feeling, that was also present in the parkle in her eyes.

She keeps stroking her abdome, and silence reings over you once more.

Ms. Harshwhinny startS, but you stop her before she continued.

Loved it, there's just one minor thing you may want to edit.

“We’re going to a show on Filly’ after this, right?”

I think that should be "in".

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Thanks for catching those.
I only adapted the text from what I wrote on the /mlp/ board back then, so there are a lot of mistakes.
Either way, they're fixed, and I hope you liked the story. :twilightsmile:

Both of you get lost in the kiss. Lips pressing against lips, and tongues that timidly made their way into each others mouse, were they began dancing with one another and a mix of flavors invaded your senses.

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media.tumblr.com/7750072ca22ea0600dae8959b4c566a1/tumblr_inline_mpd4jadw4a1qz4rgp.gif

4817385 :rainbowderp:
How the hell did that happen?

Well that was a weird rollercoaster ride between sexy and feels and sexy again.

Dang, Ms Harshwhinny is best pony!

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This. I would love to read more!

Well, this story was certainly a... feel good

Ba dum tuss! :pinkiehappy:

Normally, I avoid clop stories but I decided to give this story a shot and I don't regret it one bit whatsoever. Have a like and a fav:pinkiehappy:

"I didn't thought you'd appreciate the classics

Didn't think

Other than a few vocalizations that I don't agree with, I quite enjoyed this.

Now to read your other writings.

It takes a great deal more effort to manage an adequate presentation of second person perspective than any other perspective, and you have managed to convey it in a brilliant fashion. Kudos to you, you derserve it.

I quite enjoyed this. Upvoted and faved. Keep up the good work.

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You sure it isn't Cheese Sandwich? At least he's canonly had a mouse in there.

After all that happy time Mz Harshwhinney finally gets, youd almost expect her to be like Pinkie Pie and AJ, what with the balloon and swelling. :pinkiegasp:

And now, fillies and gentlecolts, its Humdrum, in Enter The Dragon. :moustache:

:moustache:Well, I would be but Harshwhinney keeps running off. :trollestia:

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