And that concludes Ms. Harshwhinny's Wish.
Leave a comment if you liked my only foray into clop.
I hope you enjoyed it.

Ahh, sweet relief after the last day's chapter, a nice ending, great job!
I suppose it looks stupid how I commented in chain, but whatever, this story deserves attention!

Anyway, I found some typos, just like in the last chapters, easy to fix.
About the story itself: this was a greatly executed short story, lacking all the sap but rich in actual quality and good clop too!
Bravo, dear author, well done!
I wonder... will there be more of this? A sequel, possibly?...

-Zeph

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Would I comment five times if I disliked it? :D
Do a proofreading, fix the typos and such, that's all you need, I told you.

static2.businessinsider.com/image/50256350eab8ea481100000b/wall-street-on-aols-earnings-meh.jpg

O.O

I reeeaallly hope that this doesn't disappoint me when I read it later. Few enough Harshwhinny clop as it is

I've enjoyed this, like a nice cup of tea.

This was nice, I enjoyed it.

As far as clop goes, this one was pretty good. the orgasm scenes didn't really shine to me, but i think that's because you focused more on fluffy puff stuff instead of the sexiness. Which is all well and good. I'm just kinda surprised anybody could write Ms. Harshwhinny as emotional as this was.

Awwww!

Now we have to find out if she's going to have his foal and where things go from there.

I DEMAND SEQUEL!!!

Mostly focused on the story elements and not the clop ones, but this is a good story. And this has already been said, BUT I WANT A SEQUEL!

Well that was a quick read.
Not bad you might wanted to do more with the story and I do not mean the clop side.
Not bad though.

Thanks

Pretty good story Zaid. I'll keep an eye out for other releases soon.

Clop with a plot

It goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining (and then some ).

This was perhaps the most stimulating clop piece with a gripping plotline since Apples at Sunset.

A pity SmutAnon is not among us no longer...

Loved it, there's just one minor thing you may want to edit.

“We’re going to a show on Filly’ after this, right?”

I think that should be "in".

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Thanks for catching those.
I only adapted the text from what I wrote on the /mlp/ board back then, so there are a lot of mistakes.
Either way, they're fixed, and I hope you liked the story.

Well that was a weird rollercoaster ride between sexy and feels and sexy again.

4815641
This. I would love to read more!

Well, this story was certainly a... feel good

Ba dum tuss!

Normally, I avoid clop stories but I decided to give this story a shot and I don't regret it one bit whatsoever. Have a like and a fav

Other than a few vocalizations that I don't agree with, I quite enjoyed this.

Now to read your other writings.

It takes a great deal more effort to manage an adequate presentation of second person perspective than any other perspective, and you have managed to convey it in a brilliant fashion. Kudos to you, you derserve it.

I quite enjoyed this. Upvoted and faved. Keep up the good work.

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You sure it isn't Cheese Sandwich? At least he's canonly had a mouse in there.

After all that happy time Mz Harshwhinney finally gets, youd almost expect her to be like Pinkie Pie and AJ, what with the balloon and swelling.

And now, fillies and gentlecolts, its Humdrum, in Enter The Dragon.

Well, I would be but Harshwhinney keeps running off.

"Mature" tag.

Heh.

I do like this story, but from the first time I read this, especially with the epilogue, they hardly made any mention of the Sarah's (or Ms. Harshwhinney) upcoming foal. Couldn't the second-person protagonist deal with thoughts/issues/feelings on how he may want to not only spend more time with Sarah, but to also raise their foal alongside with her as well? From the story's description, this should just be about the foal as much as about the relationship between the anonymous protagonist and Sarah Harshwhinney.

I really think this story needs to have sequel. There's a lot of potential with this kind of relationship.

Do another one of this! I wish to see how it plays out further.

That was actually a sweet story. I liked it though I wouldn't really call it clop. Maybe erotica since the focus seemed to be on the story and not the sex. Semantics perhaps, but enjoyable either way.

4819964 Agreed. The only time it was mentioned was in chapter 1 I think.

4818071 Ponify everything!

This was actually surprisingly sweet

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That ending had one hell of left hook!
Can't truly call it clop but it really has a sensual flow despite the silly flirting.
Well done.

this is quite a decent story, i enjoyed it very much. my only issue with it is that sometimes the story's clop scenes felt somewhat rushed (pacing was a tad fast) and could use some more... depth. but the story's romance element is pretty good - loved how you developed their relationship.

liked

Awesome job! Great story in every way!

Proofread would be good.
But, everything else is on the money!

It's been read aloud in two parts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjYdRSozwsI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4qSRXWnFHI

4893090 o.O

4893090 I saw.

Well... that was something. A few feels and some casual sex leading to a doomed romance? Have a like (and possibly a few tears)

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Thanks for the catch, it seems that there are five errors for every two that I fix.
Once I have the time, I'll go back to this one and do some serious editing.
I hope you still enjoyed my story.

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Oh, awesome!
I didn't know someone did this.

I like this... I think it needed more clop though.

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The reason this is narrated in second person is because this was prompted by a small greentext in /mlp/ a while back, and that was written in second person.
Personally, I'm not a fan, but it gave me the chance to do something different than what I normally do.

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No, Rapidfire is a real Wonderbolt, and was mentioned in the show at some point.

Fancy Pants: I'll be rooting for Rapidfire, of course. He's sure to take home the grand prize.

I wanted to use more Wonderbolts to make the story feel a tad more real. That, and the wiki identifies him as a stallion, and that fit the spot I needed in the story.

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Yeah, in hindsight the rookie character is very bland and underdeveloped. Since he's supposed to be a blank slate for the reader to project themselves. It was probably not the best choice aside from the second person narration, but it was how the story was prompted, so I rolled with it.
If I ever write clop again, I'd probably make it either first, or third person.

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It's funny, when I wrote this a year and a half ago (how can time fly so fast?) I hadn't actually read clop at all, I was just winging it. There are many things I would have done in a different way.
Like I said, If I ever write clop again, I'll probably focus more on the clop itself, while also amping up the character development.

Anyway, thanks for reading, my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

6136659 It was nice... thanks!

wonderful story! many feels for it nearly cried when the argument came up but man was it good!

Sequel!
I have to know if they ever finished that box of chocolates!
Oh...and knowing if she got that foal would be nice too...

Damn that was tasty. Needs a sequel.

7564572 I agree, while it somehow felt a bit weird and gave me a sad feeling, I still enjoyed the story.

-----------------------------------------------

I would love it if the sequel isn't just about the sex and filled with a bit more story and the world around them too, maybe that is part of the reason why I feel about the story the way I do.

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Hi! I'm glad you liked this story. This is actually the very first fanfic I ever wrote, back in December '13, and I'd be lying if I said this isn't something I'd want to revisit. (Ms. Harshwhinny deserves more love)

Right now I'm working in another story that hopefully has a better integration between plot and lovemaking, so let's see if I've polished myself enough to come back to this story at some point.

Onca again, thanks for reading.