- Member Since 13th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 26th, 2017
Spell 25
I write stories about the sexual experiences of small, multicolored equines. That's literally my contribution to the world.
Spell 25
Joined 13th Mar, 2013 ·
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Spell 25 · 2k words · 140 4 · 2.5k views
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Well, it's a few days late, but here it is. That's four for four. The Clopmas in July exercise is finished.
Ugggghhh, this one was painful. And I don't even know why! I adore Lyrabon. I think the premise is fun. And I'm reasonably happy with the humor and characterization (though I could've done better). The biggest problem is that the original version of the story just didn't work at all. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until the day it was due. So I had to start from the beginning and completely re-work it, and by the time I was done, I was so sick of it that I didn't even bother editing it before slapping it up here.
Meh. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself, as usual. Let me know what you guys think.
P.S. - I apologize for the scene in the restroom. I was tired when I wrote it, and feeling a little whimsical.
I love it. That picture makes me want to go out and punch a small child. But don't worry, that's my fetish.
All and all, I give this a rating of: "Better than me". Good work.
This is SO me and my wife. :)
“What in Tartarus are you smiling about?” Bon Bon growled.
“You haven’t asked me to stop.”
I sniggered so hard. Great fun lil story, thanks for sharing!
This felt like an episode of a mature sitcom... nicely done!
This made me laugh a few times- I'm a fan of mischevious Lyra, and when I read the description, I thought what the hay if it is clop, this'll be good.
It was.
Why apologise for the restroom scene? It was brilliant! All of this was. Lyra's always a sneaky mare like this, and somehow, this seems like the sort of thing she'd do.
I'll admit, when I first read the description, I thought it would have been futa and out in the park or sometihng. Gotta say, I was surprised.
Love this. You & tittysparkles are my favorite writers.
Well, exept myself
*Slap claps* Never read a story like this before. It was, ok.
I like to think it was Sweetie Drops on the other side of the mirror.
I would question why Lyra keeps a marker in the couch, but you know, Lyra.
I smell a feature
What a wonderful, funny as hell story!
This story makes me want to see a Lyra and Bon Bon sitcom. I give it 50 out of 10.
Oh, dear. I think that I've found the first story to add to my favorites.
Amusing, to a degree. I did enjoy the scene in the bathroom the most, but honestly a thought that popped up a few times was "Wow, Lyra's kind of an asshole."
Pretty good overall, but this felt more like an Octavia and Vinyl fic than a Bon-Bon and Lyra one. Eh, that's probably just me though.
Lyra should have used the magic at the end while a Bonnie was sleeping.
You do realize that you missed the perfect opportunity to steal a joke from When Harry Met Sally here, right?
I got another story idea for you but it's complicated.
The restaurant scene reminded me of this:
4768004
Yes you're being too hard on yourself *says the guy who's always hard on himself*
Posting this before editing was a little problem, just a "little" problem. The writing is good but a few simple mistakes here and there broke the immersion, but after getting past those I was quickly re-immersed up to the point I ran into another which was always a paragraph or two away–aaaand breathe.
Other than that this was fantastic read and compared to the third person shit I write it's far better than what I can do. Now excuse me while I return to the realms of 1st person narrative.
bytecrunch.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/squidwerd.png
4770411 What's the joke?
4771642
"I'll have what she's having."
See 4771143's video, below.
4771642 The joke is, "I'll have what she's having!" It's basically the exact same set up, minus the actual orgasms. And . . . y'know . . . the technicolored ponies.
M'lady.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/133/f/2/princess_molestia_seal_of_approval_by_pablo09042-d4zoerv.png
This part made me die laughing:
HILARIOUS!
That ending was evil.
wow thats was so funny i nearly couldn't finsh reading it good job. Oh such a lovly story anyways peace.
Lyra: "Oh yeah! Who's awesome?"
Bon Bon: *facehoof*
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/202/6/c/at_the_carnival_by_killryde-d582w87.png
(Source)
Mortifying butt fun.
ÔuÔ
Am I the only one who hears the servant/reservation guy in Spy's voice?
Nice
Wow! I hadn't expected this one to do so well. I guess I should just learn to chill and have a smidgen of confidence for once. Thank you all for your time and feedback.
4770411
4771143
That actually did occur to me as I was writing it, and I toyed with the idea of including a reference. Ultimately I decided against it, for reasons that are a little hazy to me now (like I said, I was pretty tired when I wrote the second half of this). Maybe I thought it would be a little too on the nose. Now I wish I'd done it.
And then the restaurant had to burn the chair.
I'm calling bull-crap on this false advertising! Bull-crap and shenanigans, I say!
Seriously though, I loved this story. And that bathroom scene was actually really funny and just - added something to the story that I can't quite put a finger on.
Keep up the good work!
4773579 You're welcome and great story!
This is hilarious, good job.
This.
This was fucking brilliant.
fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/1495490_10152082954068563_443771700_n.jpg
That final line
Lol... Nice
so much fucking fun to read.
and eerily reminiscent of several conversations and oddly things me and my wife have done.
A fucking plus for the best lyra/bon bon.
4776826
Don't you have a wife... and child...
I hope I never patron a restaurant you guys frequent.
-Ebony
4777160 two children,7 restaurants kicked out of two of them and don't knock it till you try it. having an audience is a blast and unknowing audiences is even better. and no the kids aren't there for the fun.
best of all no presses charged.
4775974 whelp if Dean approves I know it's great
HEY LOOK!!!!!
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/197029__safe_animated_scootaloo_apple-bloom_sweetie-belle_diamond-tiara_babs-seed_silver-spoon_faic_anime_sweetie-derelle_50e04d63a4c72d66170021f2.gif.gif
Lyra is the kinkiest marefriend EVER! Love that girl.