• Member Since 7th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

TheMessenger


Amateur fanfic writer and reader. Sometimes I get dreams, dreams of ponies, and wish that someone would write a story based off them. So why not me?

Sequels1

T

The lowest tier of literature meets the lowest form of wit.

Five simple but delightful stories, all independent and separate from each other, connected only by one single, overarching similarity: a punch line.

Feels will be felt, tears will be shed, groans will be heard.

A Million Bits - Applejack discovers Big Macintosh's secret hobby and an old promise he made long ago to somepony very dear.

Life's a Drag On - A messenger must try to convince his princess to return to her duties, unaware of the suffering she struggles with.

No More Lyin' - An old psychiatrist looks through the journal of one of his former patients.

A Little Bolder - Cloudy Quartz and her daughters wait eagerly for Igneous Rock's return, only to learn that the wounds he suffered cut deeper than flesh.

Astronaut - Something fell from the sky and into the Everfree. Twilight and the gang decide to investigate and find far more than they would have ever expected.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 34 )

great stories I especially like how tied Twiligth sounds nad how loyal she is to her friends.
Thanks for writting this stories.
Keep up the good work and take care.

Earlier in the story, it's strongly implied that Applejack does not like coffee. However later on, she drinks coffee

Also vermillion isn't isn't a number, it's a color.

4783865
It's never said that she actually drinks the coffee, she simply smells it and puts the cup down.

Also, that's the joke.:facehoof:

:pinkiegasp::pinkiesad2::pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile::heart: This phrase, this phrase is going to mark in the trademarket from Twilight.

Just so you know, a long story to build up to a single joke, often a really REALLY bad pun, is usually called a "Feghoot". :D Yes, there really is a name for it. :rainbowlaugh:

4783865

Applejack tossed the cup of cold coffee in a nearby trash bin and approached the platform's end.

She just humored the porter by accepting the coffee

What happened to Gilda? Great story,really drawn in. 'twas a bitter ending though.

4886564
Hmm, what do you suppose the last line meant?

You sir, are brilliant.

4886638
Actually, I was already thinking what you were implying. After all, one psychiatrist does not lose his job easily unless something happens to his patient.

Brilliant story though, will definitely follow this.

DAMN IT.

That's what I love/hate about these stories. The writing is so good, and the story so compelling, that you forget about the whole pun thing, and then at the end it's just... DAMN IT. Truly genius though.

There were some problems with missing words, and it goes on a bit too long for most people to enjoy the joke fully, but I think it's a delightful slice of life. Have an upvote and a review later.

5715850
I think you may have missed the purpose of the punch line. The story is meant to be excessively long so that the reader gets lost in the narrative, only for the ending to come out of seemingly nowhere. The surprise is the true joke, or rather, the joke's on the reader who forgot they were reading a joke.

I would recommend reading the other stories in this collection as well.

5715850

it goes on a bit too long for most people to enjoy the joke fully

I'm pretty sure that's the point. If you remember from the description:

five unnecessarily long jokes with extremely lame punch lines

Pinkamena raised a hoof. "What's a business day?" she asked.

"A day for business," Maud whispered. "Duh."

That's Maud all over.

ruined a couple of rummage sales by releasing fleas

What? They were flea markets. Their actions were completely appropriate!

5716005
5718894

I probably shouldn't write comments when I'm tired as I have a tendency to omit things. Alas I'm in a rush to get to work but I want to share some of my thoughts as I genuinely enjoyed these stories and don't want you to feel I'm being denigrating. What I was trying to get across is that the little joke at the end makes the work MORE, not less, tragic. I'm pretty sure we've all heard the "joke" about pagliucci. This reminds me of that over and over again. Of course it may not have been your desire at all to write some really powerful tragedies (after all you didn't use the tag) but that's how they've come across to me. Hence my comment was meant to say, among other things, that what the author intended and what I got from the story may be wildly different and I wanted the author to be aware of that. On the other hand, I'm an academic and reading too far into things is something of a job requirement which may be exactly what happened here. I should also warn that like others I'm going to use some terms most people find from TV tropes, I know that annoys plenty of people as the deeper you go into TV tropes the more the lingo seems to be used to obfuscate, instead of clarify, intent. That is not my purpose here, I just don't want to have to add extra paragraphs to explain a concept already encapsulated by a single word that's easy to find on a famous site which a number of people here may already be familiar with.

I especially want to point out that I'm not trying to attack the author's style here. While I enjoy a good Feghoot or even a well executed "Tomato Surprise" these stories stand VERY well on their own as Slice of Life. Frankly when I was reading them I was worried that the jokes would be too corny and thus would actually ruin that pathos of each of these tales but the jokes were so subtle (which is rare enough on this site) that they enhanced my willing suspension of disbelief instead of broke it. I did up vote these as, excepting repeated omission of certain words (mostly prepositions and articles), it was very well executed.

"Life's A Drag On" is easily the most recognizable as tragic as everything in the world seems so bleak, yet I'ld argue that even "A Million Bits" with its lost opportunities, deferred dreams, and especially lack of trust betwixt the characters is pretty sad despite the ending. Odysseus eventually returned home to his wife and family, but only after YEARS of tragedy and sacrifice. We don't even have to imagine Big Mac's sacrifice here as you have a scene he pointedly explains that he must do this foolish thing right now while he still has a chance, as if he puts it off a bad sales year or a bad harvest could put it off indefinitely again. Maybe it's because I'm older and have had to decide which of my dreams I must sacrifice to achieve others, but I find that scene to be terribly powerful ... and something of a punch to the gut. I don't want to ruin the surprise of "No more Lyin," but I think it's more of people don't WANT to accept what happened instead of not actually understanding it. As 4888936 points out the obvious implication was there. Yet I'ld argue that you made GILDA of all people so vulnerable that you actually start to feel bad for her, maybe even root for her a little.

To summarize since I'm going to be late enough for work as is (and kindly forgive the errors herein as I'm trying to be speedy), I don't know if you meant to or not (after all you didn't to use the tag) but these stories were cathartic and the punchlines only made them more sad to me. I was actually going to use these stories as an example of how comedy and tragedy intertwine but as I'm getting the idea that wasn't your purpose at all I'm afraid that it might come across as insulting.

5720777
Fair enough, it's an interesting view I hadn't considered, and I'm glad you found it interesting.

I'm not sure if I should be mad or impressed.

I don't know what hurts more. The story or the pun.

9399883
Porque no las dos?

This joke is 15352 words long.

The joke on this website (officially the longest joke in the world) is 10854 words long.
This joke is officially the longest joke in the world, that we know of.

It is 1.414 times longer, even.
That’s 41.4% longer. Well done!

I screamed. The sound I made was not human.

9432251
I mean, these ones are longer in both senses of the word on mobile.

But the real jokes are the receipts themselves.

This wasnt worth the read. you should feel bad

Man, that's some pretty sharp mood whiplash, ending a story like that with a dumb pun. :twilightoops:

Fantastic pacing, building suspense, drama. You got me hooked. Then I read the last line. I hate you.

"A vermillion bits."

There are no words to describe the white hot inferno of hatred I feel towards you at this very instant.

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