//------------------------------//
// No More Lyin' 
// Story: Ruined for Pun 
// by TheMessenger 
//------------------------------//


No More Lyin'


"I've worked here for the last thirty years, son. I don't need an escort."

The young pegasus fidgeted nervously with the buttons on his uniform. "I'm sorry doctor," he told the older stallion, "but the higher-ups deemed a guard escort necessary to make sure you left the facility safely and soundly, especially given recent events."

"For my safety eh?" the unicorn snorted, running a hoof through his gray mane. "Right, sure." He set down the cardboard box he held in with his magic and opened the door in front of him. In bold golden letters, it read Dr. Axon, Ph.D. The unicorn led the way inside, placing the empty box on the polished wooden desk cluttered with stacks of paper and knick-knacks. "Well, I know I have at least an hour and a half before you can literally kick me out, and by the celestial bodies, I plan to use every minute." The old pony smirked as he watched the youngster's countenance fall, shoulders sink, and feathers droop.

It's amazing how easy young pegasi are to read Dr. Axon thought as he began to shift through the desk drawers. 

"Is that your granddaughter?"

Axon looked up. "Oh, you're still here," he said, frowning. 

The guard threw his hooves into the air. "Just doing my job, that's all."

"Well, I wasn't aware part of your job was being a busybody. I thought that was my job." He followed the young stallion's gaze toward the framed picture at the edge of the desk, surrounded by loose leaves of notes. "Daughter," Axon answered, grabbing the photo of a young yellow filly in a sundress and tossing it into the box. 

"O-oh, oh, o-okay," the guard sputtered. He swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Something wrong?" Dr. Axon asked, narrowing his eyes.

"N-no, of course n-not," the young stallion said quickly. "I guess you're younger than you look, sir." He laughed weakly.

"It's an old photo," Axon said as he shifted through a folder of documents before throwing the entire bundle into a waste bin. Speaks quickly and without thinking when nervous, likely a coping mechanism, symptoms of possible mild logorrhea... The old unicorn sighed.

"So..."

Oh, shut up already.

"...how old is she now?"

Axon pursed his lips. "Older," he answered curtly. 

"Well, how much older?" the pegasus tried again.

"Much older."

The guard shook his head. "Wow, testy much?" he muttered. Axon heard, and he lost his grip on the box as his hooves shook, spilling the contents onto the floor. A visible bulge in his neck could be seen as the vein swelled. He glared at the younger pony and opened his mouth to scream.

"Well Runner, once you lose your job, I'm sure you'll be just as irritable," came a cheerful voice from the office entrance. Axon and his guard turned toward the source and found a brown earth pony wearing a checkered tie around a white collar. His mane was colored like gold, but even from this distance, Axon could see specks of gray peppered in his hair and beard. A pair of spectacles hung over his nose.

"Director," Axon greeted shortly. He lowered himself and began to repack the objects that had fallen and were littering the floor. "Come to say good bye, have you?"

The newcomer grimaced. "Runner, I think we could all use a little coffee. I prefer mine without cream. Dr. Axon, how do you take yours?"

"Black."

Runner began to play with his buttons again under the director's expecting gaze. "Sir, I can't just leave the doctor unattended," he protested. "I mean, protocol dictates--"

"I know what protocol dictates," the director said, with an exasperated roll of his eyes. "But I think we can trust Dr. Axon to not do anything rash. Remember, one coffee with sugar and no cream and one black."

The guard chewed his lip. With a hesitant salute, he left the two older stallions alone.

The director slowly approached the desk Axon was behind. "So, how are you holding up?" he asked.

"How do you think?" Axon replied coldly, dropping the cardboard box onto the desk. "Thirty plus years, gone and wasted."

"Hey, think of it as an early retirement. Heaven knows you deserve it."

Axon snorted as he brushed past the blond stallion and made his way to the file cabinets in the corner. "Is there something you wanted, director?"

There was a soft clink from behind. Axon's attention was drawn to the tall brown bottle the director has set on the table. Two more clinks followed as he produced a pair of glasses. "Thought we could share a drink," the stallion said, pouring out a generous portion of amber liquid into both cups. "After everything that's happened this week, I'm sure you could use one."

"I don't drink," Axon said, returning to rummaging through the file cabinets. "There are few things in this world sadder than a psychologist-psychiatrist drinking his problems away."

"Suit yourself," the blond stallion said with a shrug. He picked up his own glass and took a sip. "I'll just leave this bottle here, just in case."

Axon grunted, sending sheets of paper scattering across the floor as he threw them aside.

"Are you actually looking for anything or just making a mess?"

"A little of both," the doctor admitted. "That won't be a problem, will it, director?"

"No, no, that's fine, I suppose," The director rubbed the back of his head. "Listen, Axon, I wish this could have ended differently," he said carefully. His eyes refused to lift up from his half-emptied glass. "You're bitter, I get it, but try to understand it from the organization's view. After what happened, with the press now on our case, well..." 

"The higher-ups needed a scapegoat to keep public off their backs," Axon finished, his voice calm and steady. The earth pony flinched as the doctor slammed the cabinet shut and moved on to the next drawer. "Of course, the most obvious choice would be the one in charge of the patient. I understand the reasons, we're a business," said Axon as he read through one of the documents littering the floor. "Doesn't mean I like the decision."

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I...we've been preparing your pension." The bespectacled stallion tried to smile. "We've taken all you've done into account, and at the very least you'll live comfortably without us. I'm sure you'll be pleased."

Slowly, Axon raised his gray head. The director's half-smile withered under the unicorn's glare. 

"I'll, uh, leave," the earth pony mumbled, looking away. "You want your privacy, I'm sure."

Axon watched the director back away toward the exit. He waited until the earth pony had closed the door behind him before releasing a sigh. He walked over toward the large wooden desk and removed the crystal bottle's cap. As he continued to examine the file in front of him, he filled the glass the director had left behind. He shut his eyes and lifted the glass to his lips, choking as the amber liquid traveled down his throat. With watering eyes, he finished the drink and poured himself another. 

With drink in his magical grasp, the doctor walked over toward the window behind him. The sky was painted gold as the sun struggled to remain in the sky. As Axon prepared to take another sip, he spotted his reflection in the window glass. 

"Hey, as of today, I'm no longer a psychologist-psychiatrist," he said to his image. He shook his head. "Heh, talking to myself already," Axon muttered, a mirthless grin growing on his face. He kicked at some of the papers that were on the ground before draining the rest of the glass. He returned to the desk and to the bottle.

Axon stumbled forward, nearly dropping his cup. The doctor looked down and found his hoof on top of a small red notebook. Curious, he bent down and retrieved the book. He brushed its cover and note a lack of clinging dust; this was recent. 

"Funny," Axon said to himself, "I don't remember using this one." He flipped it over and read the printed label glued to the back. 1-5-11-12 it read.

Axon frowned. "Oh, it's you," he hissed. "How'd you get here? Shouldn't you--"

The unicorn paused and looked around, his eyes darting rapidly from one side of the room to the next. Placing the book on the messy desk, he made his way to the door, opened it, and stuck his head out, checking both ends of the hallway. Nopony was in sight. Axon closed the door behind him and hurried back to the notebook.

Well, what's the worst they can do to me now? Axon thought as he turned on the lamp in the corner. Fire me? He reached for the bottle and refilled his glass, cracked open the book to the first page with writing and began to read:


So that quack got me writing in this lame thing now. Apparently recording my thoughts'll help me somehow. Something about reducing stress and resolving issues, don't know, don't care. Serious, he's making me write in a freaking diary. How is that supposed to help? Well, I guess the sooner I play their little game, the sooner I'll get to leave this crazy house.

I don't care what all these "psycho-trists" say or what that dumb judge ruled, I know I shouldn't be here. There's nothing wrong with me. Stupid ponies.


Axon sighed. She had been a difficult patient, perhaps his most uncooperative. She had constantly fought against treatment, asserting that she was perfectly fine and demanding that they would let her go. His thoughts drifted to the first arguments they had:


*


"I told you doc, I don't need any treatment! Geez, you deaf? I'm leaving, you hear me?"

"Ms. Gilda, you know that until we can confirm your mental stability--"

"You calling me unstable, punk?"

"Well, according the the initial tests--"

"Screw you, horn-head! I'm perfectly fine!"

"You leapt off a bridge without any safety gear. Usually, attempted suicide is a sign of instability."

"Hello? Griffin?"

"You had your wings tied down."

"There was water."

"You were tied to a heavy rock."

"Why you..."

"And then there're your violent tendencies."

"Oh, I'll show you violent!"

"Guards!"


*


Axon chuckled at the memory, in spite himself. It was a wonder they hadn't had to restrain her with a straitjacket. It would have been a pain to get her in one in the first place, Axon decided. Still, maybe all this wouldn't have happened if... The former psychiatrist shook his head furiously. He returned his attention to the patient's journal:


How the heck did a quack like him get a degree? If anything, he should be the one stuck in this place, not me, the lousy, stupid...


The rest of the page was filled with insults and obscenities. The next was similar, though Axon had to marveled at his former patient's extensive vocabulary. A few pages were filled with doodles and a few games of tic-tac-toe, though how she managed to lose to herself was beyond the old stallion's comprehension. Quickly, however, Axon's interest waned. It was clear as water that the patient hadn't taken this exercise seriously at all, and Axon was swiftly growing tired of reading her many complaints. He turned to a random page, silently praying for some variety.


June 12

Doc's been bugging me about my past again. You'd think he'd get bored after we talked about my parents and childhood. What a freaking busybody, and can you think of a lamer, more cliche topic? Still, I guess that was nice, being able to rant about that old cock. It felt real good, shouting like that.

Man, I'm glad this journal's confidential.

This time the quack kept asking about my time at flight camp. I let some stuff about the Junior Speedsters slip out...



*


"Junior Speedsters? What is that?"

"Tch, it's nothing, none of your business."

"It sounds awfully impressive. I must confess, I'm not entirely versed with griffin culture. What are the Junior Speedsters?"

"It's not...ugh, wow, the Junior Speedsters was just a camp parents dumped their kids at so they could do whatever without them. Seriously, ask any pegasus around here, they'll tell you everything about it."

"I'd much rather hear it from you, Ms. Gilda. So this was a flight camp. Is this where you learned to fly?"

"Pft, no. How old did you think I was? All the Junior Speedsters knew how to fly. We were there to race."

"So I take you are a fast flyer then?"

"You better believe it. Fastest flyer there was, there is, and there ever will be. Accept no substitutes. Heh, there wasn't a single flyer at camp that could keep up with me."

"Interesting. Were there many other griffins?"

"Eh, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I was the only one there."

"So you were surrounded mostly by ponies?"

"Most ponies kept away from me, if they knew what was good for them."

"Did you find flight camp lonely then?"

"Well, no. There was...this one pegasus. She was pretty awesome, almost as fast as me, almost as cool. We hung out, raced each other, messed around and played pranks on dweebs. She made that entire lame experience bearable."

"This pegasus, was she your friend?"


*



I don't know why, but after Doc asked me that, I wanted to punch him harder than usual.  He must have noticed because he left in a hurry. Remembering the good times me and Rainbow Dash had back then made me sick. It still makes me sick, remembering how cool she was, how she was before.

I feel like hitting something right now. I wonder if I can call the doc over.


Axon nodded as he recalled his own notes from this certain session. He looked up from the journal and toward the file cabinet in the corner. His report were somewhere in there, probably. It didn't really matter, Axon decided, flipping to the next date.


June 14

We talked more about flight camp today, but Doc kept trying to focus on Rainbow Dash. He kept asking about what we did together and what she was like. I accidentally said her name, so now he's got that from me. 

I need to be more careful. It still feels kinda weird to think about her. I just hope he doesn't try to bring her up again.

June 17

Doc made me draw Rainbow Dash for him. Seriously. I had a lot of fun breaking his crayons. 

They let me keep the picture. I guess they trust me enough to let me hold paper, so that's one step closer to freedom, maybe. I asked Doc when I could leave, and he gave me the usual BS about having to confirm sanity and make sure I'm not a danger to myself and society and blah blah blah. 

So now I have a crappy drawing of Rainbow Dash. Not sure what I'm going to do with it. Couldn't bring myself to tear it up. Weird.

June 19

Been bugging the quack about my release again. The pony seemed awfully stressed today, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity. 

There was no dessert with my lunch. I blame him.

June 20

Today's session was outside today. It would have been nice to fly, but this stupid thing they make me wear covers my wings, not to mention the cuffs and leash. 

At least we didn't really do anything, just wondering how I was adjusting around here, that kind of stuff. It was real boring, but at least I finally got some fresh air. 

June 22

I can't believe I've already been here for so long. I'm surprised I haven't already gone crazy. Then I'd really belong in this place. I asked Doc again about how much longer I'd needed to be here. Still haven't gotten an answer yet.

Kind of wish I hadn't thrown the cake he brought in his face. As funny as that was, I could have  really use some cake. The rest of the food here sucks.

June 23

That stupid doctor found that stupid drawing under my stupid pillow. Not sure why he was looking there, bet he's some sort of pervert...



*


"I'm very surprised you didn't throw this out."

"What I do with my trash is none of your business, doc."

"Were you aware that hoarding can be considered a symptom of obsessive compulsion disorder? It is also often associated with being unable to move on from a certain event or letting go of a certain thing or being. Either case makes this my business...Ms. Gilda, I understand you are reluctant in receiving treatment--"

"I don't need any treatment! I'm perfectly fine! Get it through that thick skull of yours! How long do I gotta be here before you realize that, huh?"

"As long as you continue acting so damned stubborned and continue to foolishly ignore these  issues of yours that are obvious to everyone else but you! I've been very patient with you, Ms. Gilda, very patient. I have stood here and accept insult after insult after insult, and I have not said a word. I have found that a civilized approach is the best approach, but you've proven to be quite the exception. Then let me be frank: You. Are. Sick."

"I'm not--"

"Your explosive temper, inclination toward violence, and seemingly utter antisocial, not unsocial or asocial mind you, but antisocial, personality says otherwise. You want to know when you're clear for release or how much longer you have to be here? You're better off not knowing, since I'm sure you don't want to add depression on your growing list of disorders!"

"I...you can't...I..."

"And...oh, oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. M-Ms. Gilda, no, please, I didn't mean...I shouldn't have said that, I am so sorry. Ms. Gilda, please stop crying."

"I'm not c-crying! Give me that!"

"Hold on, you'll rip--"

"J-just get out! Leave alone!"


*


"I really messed up that day," Axon muttered, rubbing his forehead. "Probably should have lost my job right then and there if anyone had seen that." He chuckled dully. "Can't say whether I'm lucky or unlucky." 

The unicorn lifted the loose shredded sheet that sat adjacent to the journal entry he had been reading. He could still see the faded blue and the lines of red, yellow, and green. Half of the drawing was still missing, rendering the image unrecognizable to an outsider. Axon knew what, and who, this portrayal was supposed to be. The other half was in the filing cabinet in the corner.

Either that or rotting away in some dump. Axon couldn't remember what he did with that torn piece of paper that day. He could have thrown it away, that was surely possible.

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter," Axon said. He turned to the next entry.


June 27

Doc came back...



*


"I brought some more crayons and paper. I noticed that you seemed to enjoy this activity the last time we did this so you can draw whatever you like today...or you can just break my crayons, like you're doing now."

"What do you want, doc?"

"You don't like me."

"No? What the heck ticked you off?"

"It doesn't really matter. I prefer having amicable relationships with my patients, it simplifies things."

"And I'm the difficult one. I complicate things, sue me."

"Yes, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that you dislike me, I'm here to help. Listen to me, I see you're suffering, you're hurting."

"I'm not."

"Please stop lying to yourself. It's painful, isn't it, holding everything inside. You've just locked everything up and hidden it all away from everyone. It pushing back now, isn't it, everything you've tried to suppress?"

"I-I..."

"Listen to me, I want to help. I can help you."

"...you can't help me. No one can."

"I know I'm not your first psychiatrist."

"Everyone else gave up. They just...left me."

"I won't leave you, Gilda. I'm here to help you, but you have to let me. You're going to have to trust me."

"How?"

"Let's begin with some introductions. How do you do? My name is Dr. Axon, PhD, a psychologist working at the Sundale Psychiatric Hospital and Research Institute. You may call me Axon, if you wish."

"...Gilda. I'm Gilda."

"A pleasure to finally meet you, Gilda."


*



...I feel like such a lame dweeb. At least Axon let me keep the crayons. Wish I hadn't broken them now.


The last letters were all written in different colors. Some had been smudged and were an unreadable mess of color. The sides of Axon's lips edged upward.


June 29...



*


"I thought we'd discuss this friend of yours one more time."

"Again? Come on, I already told you everything about flight camp."

"Yes, you've told me all about the pranks the two of you used to pull, but we've never really talked about the mare herself."

"Why? I mean, it's not like she has anything to do with anything."

"Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling she might be a little more important than you think. Or rather, more important than you let on."

"I don't know...I mean..."

"If the subject makes you too uncomfortable, I suppose we could always talk about something else, perhaps your parents again."

"Do you really think it'll help? Talking about Rainbow Dash, I mean?"

"I believe so."

"Well, what do you want to know?"


*



I told him about how great of a flyer she was, how she was the only pony I could stand being around. I told him about how cool she was, how she didn't really seem to care about what other ponies said behind her back. I told him about how confident she was in herself and how confident she was in other ponies, in me. She was the kind of mare that'd fight for her friends. I remember how many times she got in trouble because she jumped some suicidal idiot who made a chicken statement toward me. If there was anypony, no, anyone I could really trust, it was Rainbow Dash. 

When did she change? Why did Rainbow change? How did she end up so lame? 

Axon and I just talked for the entire session. It was kind of boring, doing nothing but talking, but I got to admit, it was sort of refreshing, not having to play to those stupid mind games with inkblots and stuff. The session felt shorter than usual today, I wonder if they've changing the schedule.


"Short than usual?" Axon snorted. "We went an hour overtime." He reached for his glass as he went to the next date. He underestimated the distance, overextending his hoof and knocking over the glass. With a panicked cry, Axon flung the journal away as the split liquid spread across the desk, ruining several other, less interesting documents. 

Axon did his best to dry the table with the few thin tissues he managed to find. Once he had succeeded in clearing at least a small portion of the desk, Axon left his seat and retrieved the thrown book. He turned to a random page, hoping to find some clue that would direct him to his previous place. His eyes stopped scanning the page as they came across a certain entry.


July 5

Well, we finally made it to Ponyville...



*


"...and then she tells me I should just go find some new friends. I mean, what kind of friend says that kind of thing, even as a joke?"

"Uh huh."

"It's like she was a totally different pony! One moment she was that awesome mare I knew her from flight camp, and the next she's this lame-o that just brushed me off!"

"Hmm."

"I mean, sure I haven't seen her in years, but I didn't think she'd change so much. I thought she had my back, man. I thought the two of us were tight. I thought she was cool. Guess I was wrong."

"Hmm."

"You're been awfully quiet."

"Aren't I always? Normally, you dislike it when I interrupt."

"Yeah, but you've just been taking notes this whole time."

"Well, that is my job, after all."

"So is asking a bunch of annoying questions that make me feel uncomfortable. That's what you usually do, anyways."

"You want me to ask invasive questions?"

"Better than talking to a wall for an entire hour and a half, yeah."

"Hmm, sorry about that. I was just, well, I was just in a lot of thought. You've given a lot to process after all. So let's start with an easy question: how does this event make you feel?"

"Weren't you paying attention? Ticked off, duh."

"Even to this day? After all these years?"

"Yeah! She turned her back on me, that's not something I'm forgetting any time soon."

"And why do you feel this way, hmm?"

"Hello? Because she freaking flip-flopped and left me hanging like that. She wasn't supposed to do that, not the Rainbow Dash I knew."

"So you really believe she changed?"

"Of course! I told you, Rainbow Dash was the kind of mare that fought for her friends. If she was the same awesome mare I knew, she would have jumped in and defended me in ten seconds flat."

"You say Rainbow Dash was the type of pony that would defend her friends. Wouldn't that apply to her new friends from Ponyville?"

"Wait, what?"

"Just something to consider, please sit back down, Gilda."

"W-why I--"

"Take a deep breath, like we practiced. In, out. Like that, good job."

"That makes me sound like I'm the bad guy here. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You mean other than the shouting, the stealing, and the bullying? But that's besides the point. From an outsider's perspective, it doesn't look like Rainbow Dash has changed at all. Just as the two of you fought off hectors at flight camp, it simply appears she's defending her friends from a bully."

"Oh, so I'm a bully now?"

"Do you disagree?"

"...well, fine, maybe I am a bit rough. That doesn't mean Rainbow should have taken their side instead of mine! I mean, she's my friend too!"

"Which brings me to my latest observation; you seem to be having a hard time accepting that your old buddy from flight camp found a few new friends."

"What, no! I have nothing against Rainbow making new friends, it's just how she left me for them."

"I've noticed something else as well. The only other being we've ever been able to discuss, besides your family, is Rainbow Dash."

"Well, that's because you always seem to want to talk about her."

"Very well, new subject. Let's talk about a different friend of yours. It could be recent one or someone in the past."

"Well, there's...there's...I mean, there's, uh..."

"Oh, and I don't count."

"Of course you don't, you lousy shrink! Just, argh, give me a second."

"Take your time, Gilda. We're out of time for today anyways. We'll pick up on where we left off next session. Oh, and here's today's newspaper, as promised. If there is anything else you'd like, let me know."

"Just...just leave me alone right now."


*



...still haven't be able to think of anyone else, it really bites. I'm beginning to hate Axon. Seriously, who does he think he is? What does he know? Of course it's all Rainbow's fault. She's the one who left me for a bunch of lame ponies. I was on her side the entire time, but it didn't mean anything to her. Well, screw her, and screw Axon too, I don't need them.


The next few lines were completely crossed out, rendering them unreadable. The slashes the writer had made dug through the paper, leaving small gashes that tore the page behind. Axon continued onward, working past the physical interruptions. 


July 11

It was nice to know a griffin won something at the Equestria Games for once. The rest of news and the rest of my day was garbage. Most of this week was. You know what Axon had the nerve of calling me a few days ago? That quack said I was...



*


"Possessive? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"As I've mentioned before, it seems that you're having a hard time accepting that Rainbow Dash made a few new friends in your absence, as demonstrated by your outburst in Ponyville."

"What, no! I wasn't mad that she had new friends, that's not the problem, just that she decide to choose them over me."

"Ah, yes, but you made every attempt to separate her from that one pink mare you mentioned before."

"Well, yeah, she was freaking annoying! Let's see you last a second with that freak."

"Hmm."

"Okay, enough jerking me around, what's your point?"

"Very well, I've noticed a pattern during our sessions. Usually our discussions consist of angry rants and shouts, especially when dealing with your family--"

"Yeah, fine, maybe I've got some daddy issues. Is that all that's wrong?"

"I'm not finished yet. You had a similar, ill-tempered attitude when we dealt with events that occurred after you left Ponyville. And not just directly following, you haven't said a single good thing about the past five years, right up to the incident on the bridge. Your records seem to reflect this as well. In fact, the only times you've ever appeared content were when we talked about your time at the Junior Speedsters flight camp with Rainbow Dash, or, which I find rather interesting, when we discuss Rainbow Dash in general."

"I don't get it."

"The only instances in which you were happy were when Rainbow Dash was involved. It's an odd dependence, perhaps even close to obsessiveness." 

"Wait, first I'm possessive, and now I'm obsessive?"

"The two are linked together. Rainbow Dash wasn't just a friend, or somepony that makes you happy, she's the only thing in the world that makes you happy. She was the first friend you made, and because of your social anxiety, which I contribute to be a major part in your violent tendencies, you clung to her. You made her your only friend. And once you realized you weren't her only friend, that she didn't solely belong to you, you tried to push the others away, tried to keep her to yourself."

"H-hold on, that's not true."

"And when you learned that you couldn't possess her, it hurt. That's why you entered that state of depression following the trip to Ponyville. That's why the suddenly spike on your criminal record, because you were struggling to accept this."

"T-that's not it!"

"And you're still obsessed with her. You refuse to move on. That's why you've been so antisocial, why you've been so aggressive toward others. I know this is all hard to take in right now--"

"Because it's not true! What are you trying to pull?"

"I'm trying to help, Gilda. This is going to be difficult to accept, but that's where we need to start. Knowing what your issues are is the first step."

"I don't have those kind of issues!"

"This isn't something to be ashamed of. Yours isn't an unique case. We've helped others get over their obsessions and helped them move on, we can help you too."

"Shut up, you're lying! I'm not obsessed!"

"Please, Gilda, I'm trying-- Gilda, stop! Calm yourself, please!"

"You take it back! I'm not obsessed! I don't care about Rainbow Dash anymore! I don't--"

"Guards!"

"--love her!"


*


Axon blinked in surprise as he noticed his hoof rubbing against the sides of his neck. He shivered and forced his foreleg down, ignoring the sudden 	soreness b	elow his head. He coughed harshly and tried to clear his twisting throat. 


...he's wrong. That quack Axon is wrong. I'm not obsessed with Rainbow Dash. I'm not. There's nothing wrong with me. I don't care what he said, he's wrong about everything. I should have never trusted him. 

They finally let me out of solitary. One of the guards gave m	e a bunch of newspapers, said they were from Axon. Don't care, I'm not touching them. I hope I never have to see that jerk ever again.

July 12

No session today. Caught up on the sports section, only thing interesting was a segment on a couple of Wonderbolt recruits. Everything else was lame, but I was so bored, I ended up going through the business sections for the entire week. I even tried a crossword puzzle, immediately regretted it. As long as this thing stays confidential, no one can prove it. 

Nuts. I bet that whole outburst the other day's going to knock back my release date by a bit. Who knows how long I'll be stuck here now? Maybe I should try escaping, like a prison break or something like that.

July 13

I didn't see that quack Axon, but he left today's paper. Nothing interesting happened today, and there wasn't anything worth read	ing in the news. Figure Axon isn't going to show his stupid face today, so I guess I'll just go to sleep. 

There's one good thing I have to say about the Sundale Psychiatric Hospital that's it has some pretty comfortable beds, almost as nice as a cloud. Almost. I'd still rather be outside right now.

July 14

Well, Axon's back. The guard he brought stayed outside. Either he's really brave or stupid to the point of suicidal. I'm surprised he even came back here, maybe even a little bit impressed.


"Humph, like I really had a choice," Axon muttered with a smirk. "You scared everypony else off."


I still hate him, he and his dumb stupid face and his lame stupid theories and his giant ugly nose. 

Today's meeting was thankfully short. He just wanted to make sure I was all right. Just as he was leaving though, that quack told me to think about what he said during our last session, about my so-called obsession. I would have jumped him then and there, but the door was already closed. Smart move, doc. 

July 15

Axon's stupid theories are getting to me. I had a horrible dream where I was pushing Rainbow Dash in a baby carriage. He definitely doesn't need to know that, don't need to give him more fuel. 

I know I'm not obsessed, Axon's talks are just beginning to get into my head. I bet it's some sort of psychological mind trick. Well I'm not going to let him win.

July 16

Axon tried starting the conversation this time, asking about if there was anything interesting in the paper or if I was doing alright. For the most part, I just ignored him. There was a piece on the new princess and her friends being awarded for freeing an entire city and discovering a new population of ponies that was alright, but besides that there wasn't anything else interesting in the news today.

He got my attention when he told me we could finish the session outside in the garden. I almost fell for it too. I could seriously go for some fresh air right now, but I'm not going to play Axon's game anymore.

July 17

It rained today, one of those dumb summer rains the pegasus weather teams always schedule for some reason. I remember how they'd used to tick us off. Like, why would they ruin perfectly good flying weather with rain? It was a surprise to learn that Rainbow actually join the weather team, but maybe she just did it to mess with the schedule. I wouldn't pass it by her. 

Rain's even more annoying when you're inside. It's so freaking loud, I couldn't take my nap. And that tapping, it's driving me insane. At least it'll probably end pretty soon. 

July 18

Axon's back. He said that until I accept his theory, they can't begin the planned treatment. What kind of system is that? That's complete bogus. I don't have an obsession problem, I don't need treatment for that sort of thing. 

Well, until I finally agree with him, there won't be any real meaning in continuing these sessions at this point. So much helping me out. He's just giving up, just like everyone else did. I bet I won't be seeing him next time.

July 19

Axon dropped by to give me the newspaper in person. He tried to convince me again, the whole I have a problem and keeping everything locked inside is only going to hurt spiel. I get it, I got it awhile ago. That's the reason why I tolerated you for so long, because I wanted help, but if you're just going to try and tell me I've got a problem I know I don't have, then I don't need you. 

It would be nice to be able to talk somepony though. I'm beginning to miss our discussions. At least I have this journal. I mean, it's kind of like talking to another thing, right?

What is wrong with me?

July 20

I barely noticed Axon today, I was too sleepy. Had this really bad dream last night. It was that party at Ponyville, almost the same exact memory. I relived every prank and every humiliation again, but when Rainbow told me I should go find new friends to hang with, the ground opened underneath me. I think something cut my wings off because I started to fall and I saw a bunch of my feathers fly off.

I don't know anymore, maybe Axon's right. Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived. Yeah, that's it, I'm just really tired. A good night sleep is all I need.

July 21

The Wonderbolts have a new co-captain. That's pretty cool. 

When was the last time really I flew? A couple of months? Six? No, I don't think I've actually flown for the last five years. Plenty of gliding between places, but just stretching out my wings and riding the wind for fun? Flying for the sake of flying? Racing? Not since I left Ponyville.

July 22

Today's meeting was outside. It was nice, finally being able to smell fresh air and touch grass and dirt. They even let me glide a bit to keep my wings healthy. I guess I have been here for awhile.

Axon brought up the subject again, you know, the one about my apparent obsession with a Rainbow Dash. I was too tired to argue this time. 

July 24

That dream's back. This time, I managed to grab hold of a ledge as I fell, but I couldn't pull myself up. I saw Rainbow Dash trying to reach for me, but something kept pulling her back. I woke up just as I let go and began to fall. Anyways, that's why I'm up and writing instead of sleeping like a sane griffin or pony. Then again, I'm not entirely sane, am I? I'm in this place after all. 

I wish someone would get me out of here. I wish somepony could help me.

July 26

Dreams are getting worse. This time, Rainbow's the one who cut my wings off and pushed me off the edge. The scary thing is, I can't be mad at her. It's crazy, but I just can't. I keep trying, I keep telling myself that Rainbow Dash betrayed me, that I shouldn't care about her anymore. Just forget about that mare and move on. There are plenty of ponies and griffins out there for me, probably twenty times cooler than her.

It's not working anymore. 

July 27

No newspaper today, I guess Axon forgot. Oh well, at least no nightmares last night. There was still a dream, but it was way nicer than the other ones. In it, I was in my room at the hospital, when suddenly the roof disappears. I saw Rainbow waving above me, and she tossed a pair of wings to me. She helped me out of that place just as Axon and a bunch of guards burst in. We laughed at their stupid faces.

We flew for miles, just the two of us, like old times. We raced for what felt like hours, arguing over who was the fastest, just like it should have been.

July 29

I was wrong. I miss her. I want her, to be by her side. It really did hurt watching her take the side of her new friends. I didn't care how unfair I was being, I didn't even see myself as unfair. All that didn't matter because she had been by me, until she wasn't, because I forced her away.

I regret what happened Ponyville. I wish I hadn't done those things. I was just happy to finally see her again after all that time, I just wanted to be with her and just her, just like old times.

I guess I was a bit possessive. Maybe I am still obsessed with her. Maybe I'm still in love with her. I guess it doesn't matter because she'll never love me back, not after what I did. I don't want to find a new griffin or pony, even if they're a thousand times cooler than her. If it's not her, then what's the point?

I don't want a cure. I just want Rainbow Dash.


The next page was blank, but Axon found a folded newspaper clipping wedged into the spine. Carefully, he took it out and unfolded the yellowing paper. It was clipping was an article from the life section, with a majority of the space taken up by the fading picture of a pair of pegasi. Axon could still make out the many colors of the pegasus mare's mane. She wore a short white dress that left plenty of space for her wings and a confident grin. The stallion beside her was wearing a dark blue suit and a tie. Both had a small golden pendant shaped like a pair of wings on their chests, directly on top of their heart.

"'A Wonderbolt Wedding'," Axon read. "'Standing veteran Soarin' and rising super star co-captain Rainbow Dash married at last'." The old unicorn sighed, refolding the paper and shoving it back into the journal. He shut the book and threw it into the box before pouring the rest of the bottle's contents into his glass.

"Well, at least in the end, she was honest to herself," Axon said softly. He took a small sip from his glass, licked his lips, then forced down the rest in a single gulp, shaking as the drink burned through his throat. The old psychiatrist all but slammed the glass down on the table and smiled bitterly. 

"That's right, no more lion."