ZAKARI
Joined 5th Dec, 2013 ·
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1000 likes in one day? Even though it's March 4th? This must be a glitch
11522067
Or just a very good first chapter.
Been looking at the site statistics, we have 1000 people on the site at the moment. I find it amusing that the number of new users since the pandemic blows the number of new users during the first few seasons away.
11522067
It was originally published in 2014, I happen to put it on some bookshelf years ago after reading some of it but I don't really remember anything about it. The author must have deleted all the old chapters and then published a new one in an effort to start rewriting it, rather than canceling the existing story and starting a new one. And I guess either all the comment history on the original chapters got lost too, or commenting had been disabled before now. I personally would prefer when the old one is left up for reference, especially since rewrite projects don't always get finished and we lose the history of the earlier story.
11522067
It was actually uploaded in 2014. Guess the author's going through a rewrite.
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Yeah, same. I can't see why an author wouldn't just leave a "sequel link" at the end of the story and simply start a new rewrite. Given the current hiatus status, I just feel like a story got removed.
Edit: Ah, an accidental post. Well, I hope to see the rewrite of this story. I enjoyed the original.
I've haven't read your stories before, but I'm liking this one so far.👍
So just to be clear, is this a rewrite of Three Years?
11525499
Yes.
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Looking forward to it!
Well, welcome back. I vaguely remember the original, I think. Something something Bonbon was a bit frosty at the idea of a human in her relationship with Lyra? I’ll read your reboot.
Never read the old story, but this looks pretty great!
This got potential I think I'ma love it
i.pinimg.com/originals/cf/5e/a2/cf5ea230b518ee3849f0c2c057599a29.jpg
it is clear that Lyra, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and maybe even Fluttershy all have a crush on him. Not sure about Pinkie Pie or Twilight feelings toward him yet.
Though I have my suspicions about if Rarity truly hates him or is literally a very Tsundere pony when it comes to insulting Jayden. I think she puts too much venom in her insults. In fact i believe she wants him to "dominate" her because he was the only one too call out her bulls**t and it turned her on now she does it because she wants him to get pissed and act on his urge to "put her in her place" she might be this world's "lil miss rarity" minus the blood and gore or torture porn. She just wants Jayden to "dominate" her.
But that is my guess until the author confirms or denies my theory on the real reason Rarity acts like this to Jayden.
Also the "Aliens" joke you did i laughed hard at the punchline "Good you know your A's now lets try the B's can you say banana"
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Just Rainbow and Lyra are infatuated. Though, with Lyra, it goes a bit beyond a crush. And yes, Rarity and Jayden despise each other. Though, they might warm up to each other just a little with what's coming later. Kinda hard to keep fighting with someone when you're part of a group going out in a crazy, ominous forest to find magical jewelry that can save the world.
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Yup.
I had the previous version of the story saved in my library. I had forgotten it existed. till it popped up today at the top of the list. I look forward to it's continuation. :)
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touche ok let's see how this plays out. I look forward to the next chapter
*led
It's a shame to see you've deleted the original version. But, for anyone curious, FIMFetch has it. No comments, though
And, welcome back. The ride never ends
11548278
Thank you for pointing out the the incorrect wording. I'll fix it right now.
Also, as stated in the author's note, anyone who wants the old version can just DM me for it.
*etc.
You'd think the local Nightmare Nights would have taught him, if nothing else
This is missing a space after the closing quotation mark
*pegasus's
There is an extra space after the opening quotation mark
Please inform Rarity that the correct spelling is "fleas", not "flees"
He forgot to say "what"
The second sentence is incorrect in a way that I do not know the technical terminology to describe. Just read it out loud and you'll see. There are a few ways to fix this; I'll leave the decision up to you
I noticed that you normally write this kind of thing with a period before the closing quotation mark, but this time, I guess you forgot
According to lookin' online, Hayseed Turnip Truck is 3 words, not 2. Also, Ponyville should be capitalized
11548291
ur welcum
I wouldn't say "just", there. Someone would need to have an account on FIMFiction, then they'd need to be willing to send a message to you, they'd need to type that message, and then they'd need to wait for a reply that may or may not come, and if it does, is likely nowhere near instant. Compare that to simply clicking a link. If you want to share something, just share it. Don't invite people to PM you for it. I've seen this many times on various forums, and it never works well.
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Fair enough. Though, I didn't know that there was a place like Fimfetch.
11548301
Thank you again for pointing those out. I was originally using some writing software to help, but about 80% of the way through I was disappointed with it and decided to go looking for a new one.
Also, on the subject of Nightmare Night and why Jayden doesn't know about Nightmare Moon. It's because there isn't going to be a Nightmare Night in this timeline. It always sort of bothered me that Celestia allowed for a holiday to be set up that essentially does nothing but bring up her sister at her darkest moments, one she knew might be considered insulting to Luna, seeing as Celestia always intended for her to be redeemed. At least, I think she always intended it.
800 views 1100 likes... wut?
Okay so far
Lyra wants to bang him
Rainbow wants to date him
Applejack likes having him around
And Rarity wants to scream at him.
Huh, wonder how Pinkie and Fluttershy are reacting.
11548341
Old story from 2014 that's being remade.
love the story.
So this is a fix fic. Ok. The writing quality is good, but I offer you the usual caution for this sort of story: it can be come an absolute drag to read a story that follows along with the original episodes that we've all seen. Nobody wants to read "everything happened exactly like it did, except oh-by-the-way my OC was there too." If you ever find yourself watching through episodes transcribing dialogue, or looking up scripts so you can copy and paste, that's a generally a bad sign.
Usually the solution here is to diverge from canon. An alien showing up could very easily derail events. He's acting like a friend, and he's offered to help her with Nightmare Moon. Does that change her making friends with the rest of the mane cast? For that matter, you've established that Twilight knows that Lyra is in Ponyville. If she's here to make friends, wouldn't it make an awful lot of sense for her to reconnect with Lyra rather than ignoring her good friend from the past and hanging out with totally different ponies instead?
Spike was told that Rarity as awful before meeting her. If you were given a warning about how awful somebody was, might that bias you towards liking them less? And yet you have Spike following down exactly the same path with Rarity as in the show. Why? What about the fact that Applejack has apparently already "learned the lesson" of being willing to ask for help? Does that now mean that the events of Applebuck Season never happen? Or are you going to single-mindedly rehash that episode even though you've already established that she know better?
We're only on chapter 2. Do you see how the butterfly effect is going to multiply over time?
"Everything happened exactly the same, except my OC was there," is a bad formula. Nobody likes it.
This being a fix fic however...might make divergences harder. After all, your goal isn't just to tell an entertaining story, right? It's to go through every episode and say "this is how it should have happened," right? If that's really the plan, that kind of locks you into following the show, even if it's boring, and even if events no longer make sense. Again, given what you have here, why would Applebuck Season ever happen? That problem is likely to multiply over time.
If you're really determined to stick to the "fix fic" formula, logic be damned...the only way I've ever seen it work is to have tremendous amounts of comedy and snark, enough that readers are unbothered by nonsensical inconsistencies. But from your writing style and the story you've presented so far...I don't get the impression that that's where you going with this.
So I would simply like to offer my caution: this story presents well so far. But there's a huge pitfall waiting for you if you're not careful to avoid it.
So that's the most important thing I have to say. Now a few unimportant things:
* If you're "fixing" things, the show didn't actually call the Royal Sisters alicorns. That was a fan invention. Re-watch episode one, and you'll find that they were referred to as unicorns. An "alicorn" is a unicorn horn.
* Jayden probably has no way to know this, but there's absolutely no reason for Twilight to blink over him being from a different dimension. If anything, him being an "alien" in the sense of being from a different planet would probably be more shocking to her. Interdimensional travel is known in the verse. Inter-planetary travel doesn't seem to be. Walking through a mirror to a different dimension isn't a big deal. Covering dozens of light years might be. You could very easily justify Twilight being disappointed when her misunderstanding is correct, rather than shocked liek Jayden may expect. Especially with the further clarification that dimensional travel is very justifiably easier/less energy intensive when the dimensions involved are more similar, because it's extra distance to cover in that extra dimension to get to more dissimilar realities.
* If your story picture shows accurate proportions, Lyra's ambitions might be...anatomically difficult.
* I'm unsure why you've chosen to have Jayden and Rarity be so antagonistic with each other. My best guess is that you personally dislike Rarity. If so, that's....unfortunate, but to skip to the problem...if you're planning to follow the episodes with your OC tagging along, it's not going to be easy to have Jayden calling Rarity a cunt in front of "her friends" and have "her friends" just be ok with that so you can bash a character you dislike. Or for Spike to ignore it for that matter, since you've apparently decided to have him crushing on her despite the perfectly good excuse you had to change that. And your readers probably aren't going to be thrilled to listen to Jayden being a constant jerk to her, in a situation where she has no recourse for it, because "the story demands" that everything happen the way it was in the show except with your OC tagging along. So, what...all she can do is tag along and take it, because the story premise demands that she be present? And her friends are just going to let that stand? That's not going to work. One way or another, if the plan is to follow along with every episode to fix it without significantly diverging...this is a conflict that you're probably going to have to resolve somehow.
* Since this is a fix fic, how do you plan to deal with the fact that logically, Luna should instantly recognize Jaden as human? The mirror exists. It's from her era. Don't try to tell me a interdimensional portal was built and nobody ever used it and came back to tell the tale. Luna herself has probably visited Earth. Not only that, you've established in this story that Lyra has a fixation with humans. Humans are a known creature, they've probably been to Equestria in the past, probably through that same mirror. Even if they might be believed in the current day to be mythology, Luna would know better. And so would Celestia. How do you plan to deal with that?
* What's going on with this: "There were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her alicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn. You appear to be establishing that Twilight already knows Luna is Celestia's sister. My hope is that you're pre-emptively fixing retcons that happened during season 2. In season 1, nobody seemed to have any idea who Nightmare Moon was, and didn't believe Twilight. And Celestia, who was confronted by Twilight about her, was able to convinceably play it off like even she didn't know who Nightmare Moon was...which implies that Twilight had never heard of her either until finding that mention in the book. Nightmare Moon was clearly a forgotten name, and yet in season 2, suddenly she was the central character of a popular holiday celebrated by foals across Equesrtia. In chapter 2 you have Twilight explicitly reading about the sister of the alicorn who raises the sun and rules the land...and she has no reaction to it. Does Twilight already know all the backstory? Or was this a mistake?
Anyway, my thoughts on reading the chapters. The quality of the writing is good. I just hope that the thought going into the story can keep pace.
Jayden strikes me as the kinda guy who'd have watched the Wright brothers' first flight saying 'They'll never get that thing off the ground.' Then when it flew past he'd say 'They'll crash it for sure.' or complain that it didn't go high enough to count.
11548691
Fics based on season 1 episodes with no creative input try to be interesting challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
11548691
That was a lot to read.
To answer only a few questions:
I'm not going to be redoing every episode, mostly just very plot heavy ones, and I do plan to diverge from canon in quite a considerable way. The next chapter, which won't be for a while, will not just be rehashing the episode but with an oc. There will be major changes.
Luna will know of humans, but not because of that god-awful mirror.
Rarity and Jayden will eventually have to learn to work together. It's not going to be instant. Also, remember that the mane six weren't really friends at the start. They seemed to barely know about each other, with Rainbow and Applejack being the only ones with some connection.
When it comes to replacing the 'unicorn powers' from the story with 'alicorn', that was done intentionally.
And finally, don't focus on it being a fix-fic that much. It's really not going to play that big of a role. I just wanted to let people know in the author's note that things may not go exactly as they did in the show, and what I do instead may not be to their liking.
11548971
Ok, great! In that case, half of the stuff I said can instantly stop being a problem.
Looking forward to it.
Obligatory Rarity smile, darling. -->
Ok Ill bite I wanna know what happens next.
11550084
Tansfer student shows up with even bigger hair bangs! Humungous curlhongahoogas...
(Hmmm, so I'm not normally crazy about COMPLETE rewrites, however this is interesting so far. I'll give it a look.
Also, Rainbow Dash's part made me smirk and chuckle, and Rarity's made me raise my eyebrows. Also, those were some pretty crude insults from her, so I'm guessing they're on the same 'hate' wavelength.)
It's amazing how a common, overdone pile of tropes can do a 180 and be... enjoyable, interesting, curiosity-inspiring, and making this reader eager to see where the journey goes despite the well trodden path. Story telling skills are not to be underestimated!
Also, it's never too late to join the party. Fixfic? More like Favfic.
11548228
Kinda funny that Rainbow's got a crush on him. Mut be the hands. Mares are crazy about the hands because... human magic. (Cue up the Barry Manalow and a montage of a deep manual massage)
...actually, I call a few stories with the human MC being employed at the spa because of those ten magical digits.
Are we getting anything else?
11828957
Yes. I'm getting very close to finishing the next chapter. I would have been done a fair bit sooner, but I lost internet for about a month and only recently got it back. I'm currently working on it as I speak. I'm hoping to have it complete by the end of the month, and if not that, hopefully the first of the next.