Trigger_Finger
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Right. Small correction.
He.. you haven't met her before, but sudden realizations are amazing.
I like this story so far, the part with the movie in it was interesting, even though the actual movie itself was horrible...
Keep up the fine work my friend. Condemned.
Great now I want to watch Terminator
This fic is pretty good.
Can't wait for the next chap.
The moment you brought up camo and the human being a soldier-type you lost me as a reader.
3218602
If you managed to get past that, he starts calling every other thing 'gay'. So you stopped at a good point.
needs more chrissyXhuman
3218602 Thanks for the heads up, will avoid now.
Who the heck went and thumbed down everyone?
I am unsure of this main character and this fic in general at the moment...
But, I know i've judged fics far too harshly in the past. I'll continue reading to see if this can improve.
Wow, didn't know Twilight's into sodomy
3219071
That is indeed what I was thinking...
Welp... Time to thumb everyone up to restore peace
3219169 I'll help too.
Well i am curious about this story, myeah i would like to see how this goes.
As for the people not liking the character, well opinions, you can't like them all.
3219203
(In the most cheesiest voice ever)
See guys? "There's no problem that friendship can't solve!"
(SWAG.MOV
)
^this^
also, you should try a little more variety in your characters.
like, all of your characters are military(ish) macho men.
i'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, it's just... a little variety never hurt anyone?
Was that a misspelling from you or is he trying to troll "Princess Sparkles"?
Well, Twilight's going to have a nice time with you...
(said quickly)
I haven't even read your second chapter and I already have some VERY negative things to say about this review. Prepare to have your anus ripped a new hole.
You don't make a FUCKING CHAPTER dedicated to 2 mediocre paragraphs describing someone. Just include it in the first chapter and add a line to separate the description of your character and the opening paragraph in chapter 1. And even then its idiotic! And even the even the second paragraph of the description is stupid!
coqdiddles.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Oh-Boy-here-we-go-again.jpg
Let me guess, he is going to have a 'dark and troubled past' that will be snuck in between the BDSM/femdom moments. No offense, but the whole 'Human soldier in Equestria' cliche has been done to death to the point of which the pile of ash of where it once was is fucking gone do to overusage. The only thing older than that has been the 'Anon goes to X's house/cave/etc and has sex with X' which has been in every single thing with a shred of popularity EVER.
Thirdly,
You say that you were 17, but you also say he's a soldier. That is impossible! You literally cannot have a 17 year old in the military! He can apply, but don't even think for a second that means he gets a gun and 'M81 camouflage jacket'. Another problem with this. The Army, Marines, and Air Force all don't use M81 camo anymore, and the Navy barely uses them! So unless this guy is in the National Guard or is a Navy SEAL, which I doubt if the fic is about him be dominated by a unicorn half his size, I doubt he'd be using it. Unless this is 2006, he wouldn't have it. Completely trivial, yes, but if someone is going to specify what camo he is wearing, he should atleast be accurate with the details.
And here comes the bit where I stopped:
2 things:
What American soldier, because M81 camo is American, uses a RUSSIAN gun? That makes no sense.
You named the gun Applebloom.....
HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU SURE GOT ME WITH THAT DRAMATIC IRONY!! OH THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY!
Yeah no.
Remember when I said this the only possible solution he would have M81 camo is because this was atleast during or before 2006?
What American soldier, during the policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, names their gun APPLEBLOOM. You know how fast his ass could get kicked out if he told someone? And if it wasn't during DADT, and before 1993? His ass would have been kicked out FASTER.
Finally:
You take, A LOADED GUN. PUT IT AGAINST YOUR BODY WHERE CAN EASILY BE DROPPED. AND LET THE FUCKING BARREL TOUCH YOUR FACE?! Have you ever handled a gun?! I doubt you have, because you treat every gun as if its loaded, and in this case IT WAS because all you did was slam back the bolt! And you let the assault rifle aim point blank at the most lethal spot in human anatomy! What the serious fuck!?
At this point I just stopped reading. How the serious fuck did this get featured? I know its clop, but still! I didn't even get to the clop yet, and I probably don't want to read it. HOW THE SERIOUS FUCK DID THIS GET FEATURED?!
*Tsk
Doubt it.
3219096 Trixie the Pony Troll (AlexS)
I'll be honest and admit you didn't have me at first. Still not quite on par with Burdy and the overall story, but I don't see it as being hideous enough for me to just leave a vile comment and walk away from it. I'll be favoriting this to view future chapters; best of luck to you.
3219984
What does that have to do with my post?
how'd this get featured?
3220252 Exactly what I asked
3220252
Dat cover art. Look at the view stats. Being featured is an auto process for views. See? I even contributed because I wanted to see if image had source.
3220306 same here.
The feature box runs on a words-to-views to 100 likes ratio, then?
3219981 His rifle is named Applebloom
where the hell are you getting bally tipped 7.62x39? and where can I get some.
*edit*
are you a canadabro?
3220557
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RFZrzg62Zj0
hmmmm must read later when the right side of my skull doesn't feel like it is on fire
holy shit, are you my long lost twin brother?
I liked it :P
At first I was like OH MY CELESTIA! HE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT THE PONIES!
Then the real Apple Bloom came up and was like..
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8255-32211.gif
And then I realized he was talking about a gun.
Anyways I think this story should use some work, I mean I could't even get past the first chapter. Will consider reading later, and consider getting an editor (if you don't have one). Sure has potential though. Oh, and by the way.......Please dont hate me
this was good I rather enjoyed it, favd and liked.
That's it, where is the fucking porn
... CoDiE?
3220664
Something like that, wynaut.
3222007 Wonderful. So a story posted at midnight has no fucking chance.
Ugh, fuck...
3222017
Meh. My first success(es) were posted in the middle of the fucking night, and they both went on to snag the featured board for a week. I'm sure the BraeMac will make it.
I was going to post a big long thing about why I think this is terrible. I even typed it up and used examples from the story to illustrate my point.
Then I realized that it wasn't really worth it.
Congratulations author. You sound like a literate thirteen year old. My god! Your characters feel like you took them right out of a Call of Duty game.
I see no reason why people keep bitching about things like this, reaching the feature box. I thought we all accepted that the feature box isn't that trust worthy?
No offense, author, but being serious, the story you have right now just doesn't quite cut it. I know that it's not your fault that your story have reached the box, but you could have at least polished it a bit. You have an editor, yes, but he seems like he can't do it alone.
Again, not hating on you, but could you please revise the story a bit, so you know... less problems...? Your story is in the feature box, so at least turn this into something worth reading. Thank you in advance.
3220557 I would have to agree with everything you've said, except for the last part.
First chapter and it is already awesome.
An Applebloom rifle.
A Cadence truck.
THIS IS EPIC!!!!!!