Shipping made easy.
“Twilight, the magical toilet exploded… again,” Spike said as he stepped out of the basement, completely damp and covered in materials with a description that would bump this story’s rating considerably. “Can you fix it?”
Twilight’s head poked out from a pile of books in the middle of the library, her eyes bloodshot and eyelids drooping. “Ugh… can it wait, Spike?”
“But Twilight! Can’t you use your magic to fix it like you do for everything else?” Spike said , picking up an emergency towel he had hung on the basement door and proceeded to dry himself. Instead of an answer, Twilight burrowed through the book pile and plopped onto the ground. She groaned and rolled onto her back, as if she had stayed up all night reading fanfiction again.
“Twilight, did you stay up all night reading fanfiction again?” Spike crossed his arms and stared down at her.
“No, of course not!” Twilight said as she nonchalantly kicked Fifty Shades of Lavender back to the pile, never to be seen again.
“Twilight, we’ve talked about this!” Spike paced in circles around Twilight, resisting the urge to expose her to Rainbow Dash’s horrid Daring Do fanfiction which featured OCs such as Velocity Prism, Distortion Hyphen, and Dainbow Rash who were all the fastest pegasi in Equestria except for the mysterious villain shrouded in shadows with ultimate power and sexiness with a dark and tragic past. He would never do something so malicious and evil. Mostly because Twilight would like it.
“Aw, but Spike…! I found this really well-written fanfic with Daring Do and Dainbow Dash…”
Spike shuddered, but said no more.
The two finished their literary banter and proceeded to clean up the library. The books and fanfics were put away, and the magical toilet was disposed of like the very waste it was sworn to destroy. Not a word was exchanged between the towel-burdened dragon and the exhausted librarian.
“Hey Spike, can I ask you something?” Twilight asked as she activated the self-destruct sequence of her secret underground book fort with a prod of a book on the bookshelf. Just before Spike turned around, the large book pile underneath the book pile they were cleaning dissolved, diminishing the size of the overall pile considerably.
Spike rubbed his eye as a drop of water got into it. “Er, yeah. What’s up?”
“What’s shipping?”
Spike’s blood turned to ice, which immediately sent him into a hibernation sleep since he’s a reptile and therefore cold-blooded.
Warm water splashed over him and Spike woke up from his nap. Twilight grasped his shoulders and began flailing him about, screaming into his face with spit flying from her mouth.
“Spike, I have to know! WHAT IS SHIPPING?!”
“O-o-o-o-o-o-okay!” Spike said, shoving Twilight off him before he’d lose consciousness for a second time. The particular-shade-of-purple pony-race-characterized-by-use-of-magic-via-bonelike-appendage shook her head, slouched into a seating position, and gave Spike the most adorable puppy-dog eyes that would give Tirek adorabeetus.
Spike sighed.
“Shipping… is, well, er…” Spike held out his two claws in front of him and bumped them together. “It’s when you take two ponies that could love each other very much, put them together, and… er, ship them!”
“You ship them.” Twilight cocked her head.
Spike nodded as he clenched his fists at his side. “Yeah. You ship them. Together.”
“Okay.” Twilight nodded. She stood up and trotted to the door, opening it with her magic. She turned back to Spike and nodded. “Alright, I’m just going to go out for awhile… By the way, have you seen Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy anywhere? Or Applejack and Rarity?”
“Uh, yeah!” Spike said as he gave Twilight incredibly specific directions to their current locations, despite the fact that it was morning and he had literally woken up twenty minutes ago to use the potty. Twilight cackled and rubbed her hooves as lightning struck outside in the clear and blue morning skies.
Spike yawned and stretched as he climbed out of bed, having just awoken from the most beautiful nap in all of his short, yet vibrant existence. A steamy dream of a particular beautiful unicorn with a white, winter coat haunted his consciousness. The blue, sapphire eyes stared into his soul, the magnificent, luscious mane still flowed in his mind’s eye. It was a beautiful dream that sung to his very soul.
“Oh, my love…” Spike whispered as he clutched his chest, feeling the aching pangs of love from one that would never notice him. “I’ll always love you, Fancy Pants—”
“SPIKE!” Twilight called from downstairs with her screechy, bossy voice that rustled Spike’s jimmies. Spike spent the next twelve point thirty-four seconds debating on whether he should walk downstairs to help Twilight with the latest chore, or jump out the window and hope dragon puberty kicks in and gives him wings.
He glanced at the nightstand, a single empty can lying on its side. Crap, I’m out of Red Bull.
“Spike!”
“Coming!”
Spike hopped down the stairs and tripped on the very last one and landed on his face. Twilight ignored her number one assistant’s obvious injury, as usual, and threw him some duct tape.
“Come on, Spike! We have to get these boxes ready!” Twilight shouted as she finished sealing one of the large cardboard boxes, of which there was two (no more, no less), in the middle of the library. The other box was currently being supervised by a particular cross-eyed mailmare, of whose wings were covered in silver duct tape as she carried it in her mouth with a smile.
“Uh, Twilight…?” Spike poked one of the boxes, which quivered to the touch. “What is this?”
“Oh, I’m shipping!” Twilight said as she pulled out a folder of Canterlot stamps from home.
Spike facepalmed. “Please tell me you didn’t…”
“No. What are you talking about?” Twilight licked a few stamps and placed them on the box. She took a step back, admired the vast prism of cardboard, and rubbed her chin in deep thought as Derpy trotted to her side. “Think I should poke a few holes, just in case?”
The boxes whimpered.
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Never thought I'd see the day that a fic, or any story for that matter, would open up with that line. The whole story got some chuckles out of me, especially the references to Rainbow Dash, so it's worthy of an upvote.
4648931 I've always wanted to open a story with that line.
Truly the best OC names ever.
This. This is comedy gold.
4648972 This is the epitome of the learning of shipping.
loved it.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/8/25/82471/medium.jpg
missing a "by"
.
.
.
You sick monster.
Somepony call a doctor! I can't breath! Laughing too hard!
I can sadly relate to this...
I have a headache from the number of times I've facepalmed through this story.
Yes. Otherwise this might happen:
i.imgur.com/iJIW89B.gif
And so it was!
This freaking line.
... *Upvotes this story*
He would lose unconsciousness. So he would wake up. Even though he was already conscious.
Got it.
I'm totally okay with this as long as Twilight stuffs Spike into the same box AJ and Rarity are already in. Or into a box with Trixie, if she happens to stop by for a fight.
4649030 They've got nothing on porn star Mr. Jizz.
I'm glad you did this Flint, I haven't seen a lavender unicorn joke this good in a while.
You would think that with all of the fanfics Twilight reads she would at least know what shipping was, but it's permissible in a story this short. However, looking back on the show, there were definitely times where Twilight missed something obvious. Also, bringing up Spike's role as comedic relief in the show and demonstrating the crap he has to deal with was a nice touch.
In terms of things that could be improved, the end became dark very fast, and it was a shift that was pretty jarring to be honest. However, it was the end of the story, and things that are dark to some may not be to others. In any case, this is about as quality as you can get in just over 1000 words, and the story wasn't bad by any means.
Well...that was certainly unexpected
This story is a shipwreck. Appropriate!
This was, just utter perfect
well done! Indeed we must ship everything, no one shall be safe form our hands-ER-hooves! 
prepare for war Shippers! We launch or boats now!
...I can be a idiot sometimes
don't mind me a woman rambling on 
.
I started reading this fully prepared to sue you for plagiarizing my idea, Flint. Glad to see that won't be necessary.
This story is going in my group.
4651028
4651031 good story, but I feel it could have blossomed into something more... And being successful.
4651101 Just something I pumped out at a fanfiction chillout at Everfree Northwest. Just something fun.
...
I refuse to even. Nope.
Damnit Flint, you made me laugh again!
An obvious lie, otherwise she'd have known her name was Dainbow Rash instead. Uh, not- not that I would know anything about something like that!
Also, I noticed a long line of comments with exactly 2 likes and 2 dislikes. Either a strange coincidence, or several people have been bored recently.
The ships are coming together!
newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45451000/jpg/_45451441_ship.jpg
4651613 you mean Bronycon?!
I'd love to go, but it's quite expensive 
I hope you had a great time though!
An enjoyable little diversion in a very silly Equestria. Thank you for it.
Also, Prismatic Flatline is best Daring Do sidekick.
I-I don't...
I can't even.. 
I mean, she just... 
I just... 
Why..
just, why...
Wait! You forgot your moustache!
Class.
I probably shouldn't have.... but I lol'd. Good job.
I can´t stop laughing
Official RFC review
Rating: 95%
Reason: to be honest, when I saw the title of this fic, I thought that this was going to bomb. To be fair, the topic alone is very hard to pull off without having something going wrong. And to my pleasant surprise, it didn't just pass, but pass with flying colors. While a few jokes here and there didn't get a laugh out of me, most of them did. I really liked the Red Bull joke, and the stinger at the end. And yes, I do feel like Twilight is in character here. Peace
-bestrfcplayer
I'm laughing so hard XD
4648919 Twi was probably shipping them WITH FedEx...
(Facepalm)!
The boxes whimpered priceless!
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