Edits and Sequel Information
Went and polished up the first chapter. No drastic story changes so you won't miss anything if you don't want to go back and read it over again, just a quick polishing to bring it a bit closer to par with the later chapters. It was my first stab at writing, so it lagged a bit behind the others in quality. I had been meaning to do it forever, but somehow procrastinated for months.
In more exciting news, I do sorta kinda have a VERY rough idea for a sequel. No idea when such a thing would become a reality though. There are some major snarls I'd have to plan out (I have no idea how I would actually resolve it) and I'm extremely lazy on top being in school again and possibly landing an actual job soon. In the mean time however, the talented SerenityViewer has started an unofficial sequel called Where the Gentle Wing Rests with my full blessing and support. He's been nearly obsessive with running everything by me for final approval to make sure the feel and characterization matches up with my vision from Tomorrow, and I've had a heavy hand in the editing process so every chapter has my seal of approval. If you like Tomorrow, you'll probably like this. My own sequel, if and when it ever gets written, is going to go in a very different direction, but I'm perfectly happy to accept Where the Gentle Wing Rests as an alternate scenario (I'm actually glad they're taking different routes because then I'd be worried mine would have some serious competition). So yeah, you guys should check it out and give feedback. Authors love feedback. Also feel free to demand I get off my lazy ass and writing with shouts of "MOAR!" When the guilt gets strong enough, it does occasionally motivate me to get stuff done.
(03/20/2015) Finally went back to this fic and reformatted it, breaking all those walls of text into more bite size paragraphs and removing the worst of the Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Nothing changed story wise, so you don't have to reread everything. Don't know what happened to Where The Gentle Wing rests, but it appears to be disappeared and abandoned. The official sequel Heart of Loyalty is still going strong at over 50k words.
(02/16/2020) Heart of Loyalty is now officially finished after a shamefully long time of repeatedly disappearing for over a year.
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Ahem. "MOAR!!!!!!!!"
I just hope you continue to deal with the morally ambiguous situations like you have been.
So yes, MOAR indeed.
1461688
I can indeed promise more moral ambiguity along with some slightly OP Twilight.
seeing a sequel to this story would be truly awesome. this was one of those rare fanfics that actually got me to think. like, i had to put some thought into the moral choices of twilight here. i still can't make up my mind completely on it either. it's a really good story and i would love to see where a sequel would take it.
and so now i say, oh please for the love of every fuck i can give MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like a sadist cuz i like the parts in romance stories when they are in a self-pity state, when they get brutally rejected, ect. I should go kill myself now
Hmm... a sequel you say? To one of the most thought provoking stories here on FimFic (at least on my case) and perhaps the only story where I approve TwiDash?
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Guess I've got something to look upon in near future. Or how long do you think it'll take you to get off from your lazy ass?
Very well,
i496.photobucket.com/albums/rr328/Dzaster_Must_Die/moar.jpg
Wunderbar!
I love stories like this. Thanks man!
a polishing was necessary but i appreciate the the effort given.
not wanting to knock you down but that sequel of yours is desperately needed. the actual "ending" to TTC isn't really much of an ending. it's an eternal place holder, it puts the story on pause because while you solved the main conflict, you opened up a treasure trove of questions that i would have desperately liked to have seen answered.
ESPECIALLY since i love your story to pieces. i consider it one of the best written fanfic's i've ever seen and i had tremendous amount of fun reading it. so much so that only two weeks ago i descided i needed to enjoy myself so i reread your story a second time and i still found it near faultless.
i'm going, right now, to read what you've done with chapter 1; to see if you've done the impossible and improved on it's original ability to quickly draw me into your gorgeous story
MOAR!
I just have to say...
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1491728
I suppose I see it from a different light. I manipulate the emotions of those around me all the time. Instead of magic, though, I use lies. Does the lie I tell a person make that person feel that emotion any less? I don't believe so. Does it make their emotions any less valid? I don't think so.
Did the spell Twilight cast on RD make Rainbow feel that emotion any less? Did it make her emotions less valid?
1491728
Have not yet read? Do you usually peek at the ending?
"If Twi truly loved RD, she should of let her go instead of forcing her to love her."
Except one of the major points was that's not just something one can just choose to do. If it were a simple choice to move on, Twilight would have made it. Also, to play devil's advocate, if you love something shouldn't you hold onto it no matter what? Love isn't all altruism, there's selfishness and obsession too. If you're so easily able to give something up, does that mean you just didn't want it enough to begin with? What does it say about your commitment and the depth of your feelings if you can just cut them loose?
Ya know I'm really torn here. On the one hand what Twilight did is really wrong in a lot of ways morally, if not legally. But on the other she wasn't malicious about any of what she did and even tried to live with misery. For two years no less. I guess the biggest thing is she's trapped Dash. And even if Dash is "happy" is it fully real?
1514501
Oh it is VERY illegal.
I agree.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*hem hem*
1581636 I agree on the speed of the last chapter. If she took a month to fully develop, understand, then accept her new feelings *cough*mild brainwash*cough* then i would think it would be a perfect ending. Personally, I dont look down to Twilight for it.
This was painful to read. Not because of the writing, it was great writing. It was because I was drowning in feels the entire time
MOAAR
Alright, I'm divided on this one, on one hand its well written, good action, in character(even stressed out sparkle).
on the other, well, she just did bad things, really bad things, with no hint of remorse.
I guess about halfway through I forgot about the dark tag. can't real blame it for being dark.
I look forward to the sequal and how this pans out, she cold lose everything, and probably already has.
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Fantastic, beautiful, believable.
An overall outstanding fic.
really really good, exept one thing;
well done!
i got bored of hearing about how she deafted the timber wolves/dragon/hydra, so i just skipped that bit.
Action scenes are only good if they're relitively short, i think so anyway.
But believable and well written,
God dammit, I finished reading this story on the morning and throughout the day I keep remembering the ending along with a feeling of uneasiness. Stupid sexy grimdark, I need some happy twidash now.
All in all, good story, especially for your first one!
I've been thinking about that scene with Cadance and the "Lesson Zero" scene... And the more I think about them the more I realize that those scenes serve to cast a pall over the ENTIRE series.
Celestial looks less like a loving mentor now and more like a chess master trying to make herself a new Queen... And finding herself dangerously out of her depth. Several episodes now seem more like Tia trying to appease her little tool and keep her on a relatively even keel.
This, if deliberate, is almost ART.
2401927
Sadly accidental. Kinda wishing it was intentional though.
Ok, now I feel stupid.
HOWEVER THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS I'VE EVER READ.
As much as I secretly love depression and heart-break, I am glad there was a happy ending.
I want to go through my usual banter of a review now I am at the end, but it is two am, and I don't think I could find anything to say at all. I might have some realisation in the night, but for now I'm going to get a sleepless night dreaming about a romantic relationship with Fluttershy.... Wait what?
I really liked the darkness of the ending. The amount of torment everypony was put through in this story was exhilarating, particularly poor Fluttershy. The scene with Twilight after she gets RD's letter was also very strong. Twilight's final plan was nice and dark and well-foreshadowed, although the actual implementation of it--while very well thought out--wasn't as interesting because it was so different and took a while. Still, even those chapters were very good.
This has got to be one of my favorite "TwiDash" stories ever, partly because it takes such a different tack than most of them and actually has some interesting stuff to think about (namely the ethics of the whole situation.) And all the science touches were rather fun. Bravo
2484044
Thanks. It was a lot of fun to write. I love working in bits of science here and there. Of course, then I have to make sure I don't say anything inaccurate so suddenly I'm researching thermal conductivities, steel quenching, optics, and neurology for a Twidash ship fic.
Whelp, that story was brutal. I was expecting a heart wrenching ending, instead I get something so much worse. (In a good way). An ending that shakes me to my very core, where every fiber of my being screamed "NO THIS IS WRONG! BAD TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
. But, a desperate mare will go through any possible means to get what she desires (I may or may not know from experience). It's also quite disturbing when one sees themselves in the deranged main characters spot before, especially having been with someone where there was no spark and loving another. It all felt.. So painfully familiar. Except for the ending, albeit, I'm sure many (Including myself) Would commit that atrocity to the laws of love if we had the means. Brilliant, also.
MOAR
Please? 
Until then I'll have to read the non-cannon version. Which is the one that caught my attention in the first place and thus showed me to this piece of brilliance! Goodie goodie.. I get to watch ponies suffer and thus make myself suffer in the process.
I have issues.
Edit: Unless of course the sequel is staring at me in the face and literally says "Sequel to Then Tomorrow Came" and- I'm not a smart pony. Now I have a non cannon version to read and a cannon version! AWAY WITH ME.
Ok, that was awesome!!
It was well developed, its was grounded enough that I didn't lose focus and most of all, it was dark done right!! I have a guilty love for dark shipfics because everyone is obsessed over "Yay, sunshine and rainbows and happy ponies."
Fuck that, give me dark, depressing and turmoil any day!
You did good man, I had a blast reading this and I can only hope you enjoyed it as much when you wrote it. Science and details and spell forms and details and more details and, and, and ... SQUEE!!
Btw, did you actually get a sequel out? I know I got redirected to here from a fic but Ive had to load and reload my computer more times than I care to count. Thanks, man. Cheers!
PS, -clears throat- MOARRR!!!
2519353
Sequel is "Heart of Loyalty" and is in production (very slowly). Prologue and chapter 1 are available here.
2519935 Awesome-sauce. That and, this damn story has stuck with me. Its now 5am, I got out of work about a half hour ago and this has been the only thing on my mind all night. That cheerful ending was just riddled with sadness, torment and darkness. She basically magically turned Dash into a Stockholm syndrome victim, and shes fucking giddy about it. I said it before, Ill say it again. This is dark done right.
Damn this was good! Will definitely read the sequel.
2373602 Right? No. No, just... no.
No.
Interesting concept but I just couldn't continue the story past chapter 1. The pacing needs work and it felt rushed like you wanted to get straight to the point with how Twilight was in love with RD. It didn't exactly make sense to why she fell in love and the points she brought up didn't convince me; the random encounters, meetings, small moments together, after a dream it suddenly means she's in love?? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, just giving my honest opinion here and thought it reasonable to provide why I give it a downvote rather than give no feedback as to why :)
Why the hell isn't this story more popular? This is what got me into realistic Twidash!
This was a fascinating read! For your first piece of fanfic, it was really damn good! You really have a talent for twisting the characters (and by extension, the readers) hearts in every direction imaginable...then crushing it a bit, just because.
Seriously, though, this was a very well done story, and the 'unofficial' sequel is doing it justice, so far!
2765548
Those feelings are about the only thing rushed in the whole fic, though. Everything else plays as slow as Hamlet, and it's a really good progression to the ending, IMO.
This really is a story about the lengths one feels driven to go to for the object of their obsession, and it draws the reader into the villain's viewpoint skillfully.
I can't even begin to describe how much I love this story.
I love the description of how desperate Twilight's situation is, how she drags herself on without any hope. All those little sarcastic quips just make it all the more horrible. It's really painful how her obsession just refuses to go away and how it becomes an integral part of her life. Your internal monologues are great, and the "little dialogue" style fit the atmosphere of the story rather nicely.
I loved the Twishy interlude, especially the cruel attitude Twilight develops towards Fluttershy - the description of the kisses was horribly mean. Also nice job on the confrontation with angry Dash.
I like the ending for what it is, as it is consistent with the slightly dark Twilight throughout the story. And for the record, I consider it a really really bad ending. I'm looking forward to the sequel (I don't read unfinished stories, so I'm gonna wait).
TL;DR: soul-crushing and depressing and probably my favourite Twidash.
3464817 magic is actually just dozens of tiny nanobots the colour of the pony that enact code, and the coding is done by the nanobots reading signals from the brain.Spells are simply different codes.
The sequel looks to be in hiatus, but even if it never happens this fic is brilliant without it. I was totally hooked from start to finish, and was continually impressed with the increasingly gut-wrenchingly horrible situations you put Twilight through. So much so that it was actually believable when Twilight's obsession took the incredibly dark turn it took.
Fantastic story.
I LOVED THIS STORY SO MUCH! I became very sad when I had to go to school that kept me from reading this. This is one of the best stories on FimFiction and I DEMAND MOAR! Great job!
I saw flaws in this story. Some of those include the formatting (some of the paragraphs are just massive), Twilight being really OOC in parts, and the whole part where she is attacked by everything being kinda unbelievable, as well as some serious pacing issues.
However, the central idea and plotline of this story completely made up for all of that. The way Twilight slowly went insane over her love for Dash, to the point where she would do anything to have her, even if that meant manipulating her was done very well.
Considering this was your first story, and that you didn't see yourself as much of a writer at the time, you did awesome. Really enjoyed it.
DJRD
4294626
How do you know when the interesting parts start again? Is it skipping to the next paragraph break? This was back when I wrote massive walls of text and only did a line break when the topic/train of thought changed (to used to writing academic essays instead of fiction).
Not really offended, but more wondering how you do that?
4294626
I support Pinkie Shy Myself, and TwiDash.
4315055
Saw the story in the sidebar and poked in to take a look. Haven't read it yet, but caught this comment without really a reply, so thought I'd chime in.
I speak only for myself, but I do this in two ways, and suspect a lot of people do it similarly.
First and foremost is dialogue. Granting some hiccups, most interpersonal scenes are so driven by dialogue that they can be stripped of everything non-dialogue and still make sense. Incidentally, this is also how I tend to read dialogue scenes, especially when the author fills them in with extremely long speech tags.
Likewise, dialogue will often serve as the point where one action has concluded and another begins. As such, skipping to the next dialogue section (or section break, depending) will often just conclude the current action and bring the character to where the other conversationalist is.
IE: Gotten bored of Rarity beating herself up over sudden feelings for Spike.
(skip a page's worth to the next dialogue)
"Yes?"
"Fluttershy, darling, I'm sorry to trouble you, but do you have a moment?"
More often than not, you've missed Rarity hitting an impasse, deciding to go see Fluttershy, then going to see Fluttershy. You may miss nuance, yes.
The other way, and done in less dialogue heavy stuff, is to scan the first part of sentences, or more often paragraphs, looking for tone or action shifts.
In a scene with Dash and Pinkie playing, say, volley ball.
Pinkie leapt high...
Dash folded her wings and slid...
With a twist of her hoof...
Dash kicked off and cleared the net...
The explosion tore at Dash's wings, knocking her to the ground...
(Wait, back up, something happened... go back a paragraph or two to see.)
Hope that answered your questions.
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4644038
Oh god I want to use that as a cover pic so badly!
Checking with artist.
4788185
4788197
Aaand... that's pretty much the exact reader response I was going for.
Me reading these comments:
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