Chapter 1
Chapter 1
Twilight Sparkle had never considered herself much of a romantic. Not in the sense that she lacked an appreciation of aesthetics or the beauty of nature (to the contrary she had actually penned a few poems during her long nights of studying the stars), rather, it was the concept of romantic love that she thought not worth her time. Of course, being the studious pony she was, she had attempted a fair investigation into the subject. She made observations on the antics of the Canterlot ponies her age, smitten with their first schoolyard crushes, and poured through stacks of romance novels, plays, and love songs. The bits about “love at first sight” seemed horrifically shallow, and the talk of “undying eternal love” and “soulmates” seemed needlessly hyperbolic and unrealistic.
Her parents claimed to love each other and they had always gotten along well together, but it seemed more like a quiet, peaceful thing between two ponies with compatible personalities. Twilight had concluded that the condition most ponies commonly referred to as love was in fact a small bit of compatibility mixed with hormones and dressed up in fancy language until it was mistaken for something profound. Furthermore, it was a condition she was in no hurry to be afflicted with.
From what she could tell, this 'love' tended to turn even previously reasonable ponies into simpering heaps of irrationality. If the colts and fillies weren’t taking idiotic actions to win, hold onto, or win back affections, then they were staring into each other’s eyes being nauseating. One of the plays she had read, a widely renowned classic by Shakespony, involved a first meeting, a marriage, and a pointless double suicide in the span of four days. Avid bibliophile that she was, she would never intentionally harm any book, but sweet Celestia had she been tempted to chuck that trash out of her tower window.
Twilight Sparkle had spent her life refining her intellect and shaping her mind into a paragon of logic and rationality. The thought of anything destroying her judgment in such a way was enough to send shivers down her spine. Yes, Twilight Sparkle would have been quite happy to live the rest of her life without suffering the debilitating effects of the disease called love. Unfortunately for her, the universe had other plans, all starting with a particularly vivid dream that struck one summer night.
***
Twilight pushed through the crowd of ponies. Where was she? Some kind of party. The Gala? A quick glance at the formally dressed ponies around her and at her own fancy dress confirmed it. There was something that she needed to find. No. Somepony she desperately needed to find for some reason.
She continued to search through the endless crowd, not sure exactly who she was looking for until she spotted a flash of color disappear through a door. Yes. It was definitely Rainbow Dash. She had to catch up to her and tell her . . . something . . . something important. She made her way through the door and found herself in the palace hedge maze. She charged ahead, a sense of urgency and dread growing in her stomach. She didn’t know why she was chasing after Rainbow Dash. Driven by some instinctive need, she just knew that she had to find Rainbow Dash soon or she might lose her chance forever.
As she ran deeper and deeper into the maze with no sign of Dash in sight, the feeling of unease and tension in her stomach blossomed into a cold panic as she broke into a full gallop. Shadows closed in around her vision and the walls seemed to fall away, leaving her in a pitch black void with only a small light off in the distance. Underneath that faint light she saw an unmistakable splash of rainbow colored mane.
Twilight galloped toward the light as fast as she could. She ran with mad desperation, as though she were drowning and the single speck of light and its occupant were the surface, taunting her with their promise of oxygen to fill her burning lungs. She tried to call out, but found she could make only the tiniest of inaudible squeaks. No matter how much she ran, the small island of light didn’t seem to be getting any closer. In fact, the only change she noticed was that everything seemed to be fading and blurring, as if someone had twisted the focus on one of her telescopes. Tears stung her eyes. Her pulse pounded in her ears like a malevolent timer counting down to a missed deadline. She saw the blurred form of the pegasus vanish before her eyes and gave a final cry of loss and despair before snapping her eyes open to a pleasant summer morning.
***
Twilight continued to lay in bed for a while, waiting for the adrenaline to work its way out of her system and for her heart rate to settle down. Already the details of the dream were blurring, the sequence of events becoming lost in the haze of memory, but the emotional impact, that feeling of desperation remained crystal clear. Pieces fell into place in her mind.
Really, it was obvious in hindsight. The extra bit of cheer she had when talking to a certain somepony, the bit of melancholy when having to part ways, the slightly greater than average disappointment when plans involving them had to be canceled or delayed. They all seemed to have been brought into focus by this one random dream. The haze of confusing emotions and sensations had crystallized into one inescapable truth. She was in love with Rainbow Dash.
“This is ridiculous.” Twilight muttered to herself as she jumped out of bed and began to pace back and forth across her bedroom. “This kind of thing isn’t supposed to happen to me. No. I am a rational, level headed pony, and I refuse to allow this.” Twilight stopped pacing to give a determined shake of her head, the matter now resolved.
“Yes. Rainbow is only a friend. A good platonic friend, with strictly platonic grace and beauty, who platonically brings joy to the room with her presence, whose platonic shapely flank-” this was going to be harder than she thought. A smell drifting up from downstairs caught her attention and elicited a growl from her stomach. Breakfast. Yes, breakfast would make the world make sense again.
Aside from less hungry, Twilight Sparkle did not feel any different after finishing her breakfast. She spent the rest of the day thinking about Dash, or rather trying not to think about Dash, which was much the same thing.
“No need to rush into hasty conclusions. Maybe there's another explanation. A perfectly reasonable explanation. I was hanging out with Rarity yesterday and she was going on and on about one of her silly romance novels. I've also been spending a lot of time with Dash this past week. My recent activities are just blending together in my subconscious and being formed into a loose narrative structure. Yep, perfectly reasonable explanation. Problem solved."
If you overlook the reason why you've been so adamant about spending so much time with Dash recently. Contrast how you practically run when on your way to meet with her with your lingering slow crawl away when saying goodbye. Then there's that tingling feeling that sweeps over your body whenever you're less than two meters away, always starting from the side closest to Dash. Yes, aside from all that, problem solved.
They say that the easiest pony to fool is yourself. Twilight disagreed. She had spent her life honing her analytical skills, training herself to separate out emotional arguments and personal biases so she could cut through to the underlying facts and logic. From her studies of cognitive science, she had read that even the smartest of ponies could easily have their personal judgement clouded. Since then, she had rigorously practiced deep introspection. Carefully picking apart what she knew and how she knew it. Viciously tearing apart her own arguments until she was sure they were solid. Twilight Sparkle, if anything, was the hardest pony for Twilight Sparkle to fool.
Yes I enjoy spending time with Rainbow Dash. As a friend. I enjoy spending time with all of my friends.
So I suppose you'd be just as happy if your plans to spend the day with Dash were canceled and replaced with Rarity or Pinkie instead?
Okay, fine. There's a bit of a difference. I really enjoy spending time with Rainbow Dash. We get along very well. And I tend to think about her fairly frequently when she's not around. And I might . . . maybe . . . find her a bit attractive. But that's it! I'm not in love!
Right. So you're just physically attracted to her and obsess over spending time with her to the point that your thoughts keep straying back at random times?
Yes.
Okay. So you're not in love. You're just in a state that's categorically indistinguishable from love, yet somehow completely different. By the way, I recently discovered this fascinating new species of bird. It looks and behaves exactly like a duck, follows the same diet, can even interbreed with regular ducks! I plan to submit a report to the Canterlot Zoological society right away!
OH SHUT UP!
By the end of the day, Twilight Sparkle had come to accept the inevitable conclusion. She was smitten and smitten hard. She hoped this wouldn't spell the end of her existence as a rational being. She still felt mostly the same, just with a slight reordering of priorities. Up with the drives to eat and sleep, was a new addition of 'be around Rainbow Dash'. For the moment she could still hold coherent thoughts. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She would just have to wait and see.
***Three months later***
Twilight carefully mixed the acrid smelling powders in the small bowls in front of her, careful to keep them dry and away from any possible source of moisture. She also wore a small band around her right hoof to avoid any unwanted static discharge. Blowing the library into tiny flaming pieces wasn't how she wanted to start her day. Despite the slow, methodical caution in her movements, she was brimming with energy. Today was an important day. After 3 months, today was the day she acted on her feelings. Today was the day she confessed her love to Rainbow Dash.
She had been pleasantly surprised to find that her new found feelings hadn't degraded her cognitive capabilities as she feared they would. She still felt as sharp as she had before. She still ran the library efficiently and kept up with her studies and private experiments. Even her interactions with Dash hadn't fundamentally changed, she had just become aware of certain things she had been doing for a while. Little efforts to catch Dash's attention. How she steered the conversation either towards little things she had accomplished that day, in an attempt to make herself look impressive, or towards flight and aeronautics if she though Dash might be losing interest in the conversation.
At first, Twilight had been content to simply spend time around Rainbow Dash in any social situation, but over time, the small itch began to grow. First she simply wanted more time with Dash. Then more time with her alone. She wanted her undivided attention. She wanted Dash to look at her, hold her, kiss her. She had started to develop difficulties falling asleep at night. Action needed to be taken, so Twilight had turned her brilliant mind to the task of finding the perfect way to woo Rainbow Dash.
Now the day had finally come for her plans to bear fruit. She had agonized over the perfect way to declare her feelings, and had come up with something that fit Rainbow Dash perfectly. Surprisingly, she had gotten the idea from Trixie of all ponies. Twilight mixed another cup of copper sulfate into the large bowl of black powder in front of her.
First she would head over to the party at Sugarcube Corner. Dash had some kind of big announcement to share with all of them. The fact that it was to be followed with a party indicated that it was good news. She would tell Dash that she wanted to talk to her about something important after the party. After a fun evening with friends, the two of them would head out. She'd tell her that there was something she needed her opinion on and they would drop by the library to pick up her packages before heading out to the perfect secluded hill she had found for the occasion.
Then the air would be filled with technicolor explosions. A fiery version of Rainbow Dash would swoop around the sky doing tricks before crashing into an image of herself, recreating their first meeting. A little montage of the two ponies laughing and playing together would follow, with little hearts forming above the sky Twilight's head. Finally, it would end with a big explosion spelling out “I LOVE YOU” in big rainbow letters. It sure wasn't subtle, but subtlety and Rainbow Dash had never been on good terms.
It had taken a week of reading up on chemistry, pyrotechnics, and the necessary magic to make these enchanted fireworks, but it would all be worth it. Twilight couldn't help fidgeting a little in excitement as she poured the powder into the last of her paper wrapped packages, secured the fuse, and placed it next to the others.
“Alright. Operation Procure Paramour with Polychromatic Pyrotechnic Performance is a go.”
Twilight lightly giggled to herself as she skipped out the door on her way to Sugarcube Corner. She was vaguely aware of a grin plastered across her face as she thought about what kind of stunned expressions might run across Dash's face that night. A part of her mind tried to preach caution over getting her hopes up prematurely, but it wasn't having much success. Even if Dash didn't fall for her on the spot (or confess to secretly harboring the same feelings for her all along) it would make a good first step in the wooing process.
At worst she could say she actually tried. Her most likely predicted scenario involved a stunned Rainbow Dash tentatively agreeing to a trial first date. Her best case scenario . . . well, she had made sure to send Spike away for a sleepover with the crusaders for the weekend. It was at Rarity's place so he had no objections. Not that she expected things to go THAT well, but it was better to be prepared.
Practically floating, Twilight finally arrived at Sugarcube Corner to find Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie already helping themselves to refreshments while music played in the background. In typical Pinkie Pie fashion, balloons and streamers hung off of every surface. There also seemed to be a cord running up to a large canvas on the ceiling that looked heavily loaded with what Twilight assumed was more balloons and confetti. Pinkie looked like she was barely restraining herself from pulling the cord. It seemed they were just waiting for Fluttershy to arrive so the big announcement could be made. She quickly found Dash by the punch bowl and trotted over next to her.
“What's up Twilight? How's it going?” Rainbow Dash asked, completely unaware of the effect even a simple greeting had on Twilight's knees when uttered by that heavenly voice.
“Fine. I'm doing fine. Listen, there's something important I need to talk to you about when-”
“Hang on, Fluttershy just arrived. Do you mind if we pick this up after the announcement? I wanna get this outta the way as soon as possible.”
“Sure, no problem.” Twilight patiently responded as she gathered with her friends in front of an impromptu stage (really just some plywood on top of some cinderblocks). She guessed this news involved Applejack too, seeing as how she was standing next to Dash on the stage. As Pinkie turned off the music, Twilight leaned forward, eagerly awaiting the news.
“Well as y'all can probably guess, this bit ah news involves the both of us, but Rainbow was mighty insistent that she be the one to tell ya.”
“Thanks AJ. Well first of all, it's actually been going on for a while now. Pinkie already found out but we made her promise to keep quiet in exchange for letting her organize the party when we were ready.” Pinkie could be seen in the corner pantomiming locking her lips with a key, burying it, then building a house on top of it. “Anyway, I don't want to bore you with the whole story, so the short of it is, AJ and I are together. We're dating!”
Then Rainbow Dash turned and gave Applejack a long and passionate kiss, to the cheering of their friends, as Twilight Sparkle's world shattered and fell around her like the thousands of pieces of confetti falling past her head.
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When describing a number in a story, try not to use "3," it's really better if it is spelled out as "three" as it does not disrupt the story.
Other than that, looks good.
"whose PLATONIC shapely flank-"
Sweet Celestia, so MUCH lol.
Good story but end of the chapter seems to be rushed. Whole thing could been split in two chapters. Anyway looking foward for more.
I demand an epilogue.
It is a necessity!
421562 i agree. and the ending was like hitting a brick wall but nice wrok anyway.
Damn. I don't think I've seen this kind of thing happen in any fictions I've read. Good job.
Nice work, better than a lot of the crap I've seen. Happy ending, please?
MY TWO FAVORITES IN A SHIPFIC! NOOOO!!!
this better be good, im going to give it a read, but I will never forgive you!!
I saw it coming. My favorite ship is MoonLight, but, Twidash is like my 4th favorite. Appledash is like my worst favorite ship, mostly because I just don't like Applejack as a character that much. Okay not really at all.
Oh, and lets be thankful Twilight got interupted or the hill thing would of been too akward.
An excellent start! This may be your first fanfic, but it certainly doesn't look to be your first bit of writing. "Not a writer," indeed.
There are a couple of technical recommendations I feel I must make, however.
The first has already been addressed by the first comment, I'm pleased to see, but it bears repeating: Type out your numbers. "Three months," never "3 months."
The second is your use of ALL CAPITALS for emphasis. Consider italicizing instead. It looks neater, and reads less like you're shouting the word. In the case of words already italicized, bold them.
The curse of smooth-sailing shipfics is at least a comfortable one, but I applaud you for realizing a need to roil the waters. You have my eye.
OMG I'm so sorry for Twilight.
AJxRD is my OTP but i wish this will (after many tears I love sadficks) end up with TwiDash
>Writer is not an author.
>Writes a shipfic as first fanfic.
>Everybody loves it.
Of fucking course! that makes sense. But I'm not that bad of a person so I'll give you a like anyways.
"One of the plays she had read, a widely renowned classic by shakespony, involved a first meeting, a marriage, and a pointless double suicide in the span of 4 days." - I see a name that doesn't have a capital letter, and a double space!
"That was until, about 3 months ago." - Your comma is in the wrong spot
"It was essentially, exactly the same thing she had been doing in the past, but now she was aware that she was doing it and why." - There should be a comma between "was" and "essentially"
"Operation procure paramour with polychromatic pyrotechnic performance is a go" -
422200 a.deviantart.net/avatars/o/h/ohaiplz.png
421561
Noted.
421942
Thanks. I've never written before, but I do read a lot. I was hoping something about good storytelling would rub off.
Of course, bolding. I knew there was a better way to place emphasis. I'm going to blame writing at ridiculous hours of the night for that oversight.
421562
Yeah, I was originally going make this two chapters (break right after waking up from the dream). But I thought it left them a bit too short. For some reason it bugs me when a chapter is under 1000 words. I'm gonna have to balance natural break points with my weird sense of appropriate length. Hopefully it doesn't result in padding for padding's sake.
I'm a sad pony now =(.
Must have TwiDash!!
Excellent first attempt:) You clearly have some writing skills, a little polish and editing can smooth out grammar and suchlike, not a big deal. What I think you really need to do is work on expanding your ideas, there are a lot of fantastic scenes I can see in the works that are just passed over in a sentence. Not to mention that, especially with that granddaddy of cliffhangers you have there, that with proper build up could be just devastating, you have set yourself up for a very true to life representation of dealing with a first love. So I guess what I'm trying to say, in my roundabout way is that this almost reads like an outline to me, with just a little bit of expanding at a few points of interest. If you should have the inclination and motivation I honestly think you could turn this into the first part of one of the best stories on this site.
Keep up the good work
MOAR
woooo!!! awesome dewd!!!
You're a writer now.
unless i dont understand the term correctly but this seems more like a love angle then a love triangle (unless i hovered over the wrong story i got that from short desc)
647765
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TriangRelations
All of these relationships are referred to rather unhelpfully as love triangles. The story at this point would be a type 4.
All i know is, i want to see twi and dash together plz?
I thought i was ready, but i wasn´t.
I predict lots of crushed, devasted and humilated Twi scenes in the coming chapter. And i gonna cry over all of them.
Oh, this is gonna hurt...
Actually while you may not be a writer you have a fantastic creative mind. I love how Twilight argues with herself. It seems very in character :3
And I must say, I don't like TwiDash, and I love AppleDash, so unfortunately for poor Twilight, I sorta love this xD
awesome first chapter!!!!!
I never thought I'd see this day. The day where I have to choose between Twidash or Appledash. Half of me is saying Twidash, half of me is saying Appledash.
You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention
I´m back and this time i´m ready. i have steeled myself and shall read this without crying one tear.
LET`S DO THIS!
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMEESSS! RYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!
I really hope that the Midsummer Night's Dream reference (another Shakespearean romance) I found in there was intentional, rather than a complete coincidence.
If it was intentional, bra-fucking-vo!
I've been putting off reading it for a while, but just started chap.1 and this is a really interesting story.
I like that Twilight actually figures out she has a crush on Dash right at the beginning even though set up the way a lot of stories draw it out. And I LOVE that Twi's first response is "This is ridiculous."
Nice lantern hanging--"It sure wasn't subtle, but subtlety and Rainbow Dash had never been on good terms."
Nice to see some variation on the "I love her, declare my love and everything is good. The End."
Heh, that walks like a duck part made me chuckle. Haven't heard that line in a good long while. I like that you made Twilight try to logic love. This will be a good fic.
*Gets to this part*
NOPE.avi
That's what happens when you wait THREE MONTHS!
Well that's certain a new and exciting (dark and surprisingly depressing) way of looking at it. I can already tell I'm going to like this.
4991409 i think that constantly, and i am fine
2373249 LEEEROOOYYY JEEEEENKIIINNNSS
On this, you and I agree, Twilight Sparkle. On this, and only this. I was forced to read that piece of *^*# in school. I HATED every single second of it.
6293952 oh God. That's the next book we have to read after "To Kill a Mockingbird"
6496114
How did it go? Tears and sadness for you, if it went anywhere near as bad as it did for me and Twilight.
Love how you wrote Twi in the story! That's is how I'd picture her analytical nature.
Well shit. Thankyou for destroying part of my soul. I feel really bad for Twilight now. I can predict with seventy percent certainty Twi is gonna lose her mind over this new development and continue to do drastic things to woo dash away completely ignoring her analytical state of mind.
This is amazing
For someone who isn't an author, you wrote 2 of my favorite stories of all time. At least in the category of suspenseful drama with criminal elements, this and heart of loyalty beat out breaking bad and Death Note. You are a genius.
11785065
Thanks. I've grown significantly more confident in my writing since first starting this way back.