- Member Since 30th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 21st, 2019
ambion
Work hard. Learn. And use your skills to better Equestria. That's a worthy goal for anypony!
ambion
Joined 30th Mar, 2012 ·
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Interesting. Very interesting.
That's one of nice clopfics with a bit of plot, fun interactions, flirting and overall cuteness of everything, including sex scenes. I like those. Faved :3
Hawt.
Have a moustache.
Wow, that was amazing. So well written! I love it. Although oooh, I do wish Mint had gotten those two to kiss. Fortunately I can continue the scenario on in my own imagination wherein next time she gets them to kiss and then they begin to turn it into making out and...mmm, yes, I love this story very, very much. Great work!
I have to say I don't usually like stories with the main focus on M/M, but I truly did enjoy reading this piece of work.
Keep on writing :thumbemoticongoeshere:
I love it! I don't know why this isn't getting more heat; it's well written and has a lot of fun characters. The sexy is honest and Mint is a really fun, horny OC. I would highly encourage continuing this.
I have a few things to say. First, I hate when people downvote without giving a reason; that's the reason for this comment. Second, there were good things in here that I appreciated. The dialogue was, for the most part, well-written. The clop scenes were pretty hot.
However, there were things that seriously detracted from the overall experience for me. This fic was pretty much everything stereotypical about bisexuality that I hate. I came here because I heard some good things about it in a Skype chat — I would have never approached it otherwise — and I was pretty disappointed. Maybe I missed something, but Mint's character seemed to be pretty much hornyness. That's forgivable — I suppose — because the main focus is really on the stallions. However, that's where the really damning issue crops up. It is a personal bias, yes, but them being dishonest with themselves about what they are, a practicing bisexual in Caramel's case and — for all we know — a practicing homosexual in Thunderlane's case, is something which I can't tolerate. If the story were longer and they eventually admitted to themselves what they are, that would be different, but it's not what happened.
Somewhat less importantly (to most people but not me) was the overall lack of grammar. In particular, you and/or your editor (whom you should replace if you have one) need to learn how to punctuate dependent clauses correctly. More damaging was your misuse of some words; "breath" as opposed to "breathe" and "who's" where it ought to be "whose" were particularly egregious examples.
Then there's this:
In any fic where you plan to address the reader directly, it ought to be a constant stylistic choice. Not only is it oversimplifying the male mind to a degree I find insulting, it is also incredibly jarring to read.
Another particularly bad example is this:
The tense shift completely broke me from the story.
I could get into dialogue tagging and emotional exposition, but this is already running way longer than I had planned.
4459596
Let me begin by saying that this is my most beloved of comment types; accordingly, I want to really reply for my salt's worth here. I never would have expected to get such a comment on a story such as this, of all my stories Good Times is one that typically should be more distracting than anything. Fun, messy, and none-too-serious about itself. And it's a comedy, and not many people whould deconstruct either genre in the fashion you have, let a story that is both.
You do say that what gets you is that it is everything stereotypical about bisexuality that I hate; that is, you seem to default to an opinion that the characters exist as a fixed point on our handy-dandy Kinsey Scale. It's an odd look to consider, since I had never considered it myself while writing. I never would have said (indeed, the story never does say) if any given character has any given amount of relative gayness or straightness.
I never would have thought of it so seriously at all; however, now that I am I feel I can reasonable contest some of your stipulations in the spirit of good clean fun debate
There's a lot of presumption on your part when you say this. You do admit right there that it's personal bias. What the story says for certain is rather limited; although, what is said actually contradicts most of what you're suggesting here.
Let's start with Caramel's 'dishonesty'. I simply don't see how you came to this conclusion. Thourought the story, particularily the most heated of bits, Caramel is consistently honest, with himself and the others, about his comfort zone and what he's willing to do, precepts of orientation be damned.
The only thing he's dishonest about is choice in revealing the buddy arrangement to Mint, not the nature of the boys' activities themselves, though he does question this briefly when confronted by Mint.
Of all the conjectures, Thunderlane being a practicing homosexual is, to not to put too fine a word on it, bizarre.
I really don't know how you came to this conclusion, I mean really, I've got ample evidence to throw at you like snowballs to contest this.
Now, I'm sure you'll be looking to the fact that, yes, the entire fic is basically one big mixed masturbation and experimentation experience for Thunderlane and at face value this could be mistaken for 'practicisng homosexual'. I'm not going to contest that, because I don't need to.
Firstly - Thunderlane never makes any mention of having any sexual experience beyond that of what he's had with Caramel in their mutual masturbation moments And, of course, his own hoof. What we do know is that Thunderlane favours heterosexual pornography (page seventeen, anyone?), is aroused by Mint's flirting (table tennis, anyone?), and hesitates -downright using the all-mighty 'no' at one point- about doing certain acts.
I think the crux of the issue here is that you are looking to label the characters when the characters themselves don't want to, nor readily can be, labelled. What they boys here have developed is, fundamentally an unusual yet not uncommon new aspect of their friendship. I'm pretty sure Thunderlane even gets a small speech on exactly this point somewhere...
ah, yes:
Please note the use of the word 'friends'. That is what they see themselves as, first and foremost.
Now, I believe I have been very with this (and having a great deal of enjoyment, I would add) but as such we come to something a little...sharper.
You can see why I very nearly took this the wrong way. Only on a more cautious reading does your sentiment reveal itself:
This is how I'm chossing to read that sentence, rather than the inflammatory and passive-agressively nasty interpretation. A poor choice of wording, I'll say, and we'll leave it at that.
I feel I've more or less covered the relevant areas of your comment; furthermore, has my use of the ever-tricksy semi-colon througouht this reply been satisfactory?
I greatly enjoyed our little talk. If it interests you, you might try my other story, Helping Hooves, which I feel is better suited to what your were looking for.
AH! P.S. as I've forgotten to address one other thing. The occasional narrative breaking. It's a comedy, don't take it so seriously. You either find it funny or ye don't. I'm not going to apologize for a rather tame joke about the male psyche. I mean really, the 'guys think about sex all the time' joke is one of the truly ancient ones, and it's everywhere. If boys can't laugh at themselves and their own overarching, recurring cliches well, their loss.
Kind of comes across as a bit insecure, really.
This was hot is what it was!
Only thing is that I cant tell what turns me on more, the pretty gay relationship between Thunderlane and Caramel, or that Mint is completely into this. Actually, fuck it I'm bisexual and I can say this was pretty much wish fulfillment to me.
Usually I would say to keep up the good work to great stories, but this is the first time I've ever complimented a clopfic with zero problems, is it ethically/morally wrong for me to ask you to write more like this?
P.S. I shall now look through your other stories to contemplate a follow.
4460387
First, I feel I should address the issue of near miscommunication. Perhaps I should have used parenthesis for my parenthetical, something not typically necessary, in order to be more clear. How about a direct statement to clear the air? I have absolutely no issue with homosexuals, bisexuals, or pansexuals. In fact, I have a good deal of respect for them.
In any case, if you’re familiar with PBS Idea Channel, you may have heard that “everything is worth deconstruction”. I agree with this sentiment. Besides, between the grammatical issues and some of the lines, I found it difficult to remain immersed for more than a few hundred words at a stretch, so I had time to think about what was going on in the story while reading it.
I don’t actually think that the characters exist as fixed points on the Kinsey Scale; I would definitely say that both Caramel and Thunderlane slide up the scale over the course of the story, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I can entirely relate. Over the past few months, I have been doing the same. It’s not the apparent bisexuality that I dislike; it’s the fact that this story lends credence to the stereotype (at least the one I know) that bisexuals are prone to threesomes. Even if this is actually true, I hate the whole concept. I’m aware that this is a product of my upbringing.
While the story never explicitly states how the characters identify, it does very heavily imply how at least Caramel doesn’t.
This ties directly into my issue with dishonesty. He resisted the urge he had for some reason, and we readers can only assume that it’s because he wanted to preserve his view of his sexuality against the mounting evidence to the contrary. You say that they don’t seek to label themselves, but at least Caramel actively avoids accepting “gay” as a label on himself.
As for Thunderlane, the reason I called him a “practicing homosexual” was for the very reason of having no further information than what was presented in the story. Lacking any more evidence on which to base my claim, I acted on what I knew. He likes heterosexual pornography, yes, but it’s also stated that:
From this and the lack of anything else on which to base a judgment, my solidest guess was “practicing homosexual”. I do think that them not talking about Thunderlane having a girlfriend is also telling, but he could just be between relationships.
Really, what I should stress here is that a dislike is just that, a subjective evaluation of my feelings on the story. There were parts I really liked, but the framing they were set in was more distasteful to me than those could counteract. I’m not saying that I think the story or the characters are bad; I’m saying it’s not something I can support.
In fact, to anyone who reads comments before the story, go ahead and read it. You’ll probably enjoy it a lot.
Responding to your post script, as a comedy, this seemed to be one that’s comedic on account of the situation portrayed as opposed to the narrator’s approach, so the few places it happened seemed mostly at odds with the rest of the story. It seems to be the sort of thing one should play up more or avoid entirely; the middle ground didn’t seem to work nearly as well as the extremes.
Your use of semicolons throughout your response was better than average. There were still instances where you missed them, causing comma splices.
Lastly, I didn’t appreciate how you implied that I’m insecure. I’m just going to assume that your text didn’t convey the emotion behind the words accurately and it wasn’t intended in quite the way I read it.
4461476 dude, way to overanalyze
4468842
Dude, way to forget those are the author's "most beloved of comment types".
This was a pretty good clopfic. Silly and sexy. I will echo a bit of what 4459596 said here though; I feel that Caramel (and perhaps Thunderlane?) is being dishonest about his sexuality in this story, particularly here:
It just reminds me of all those "no homo" jokes. I mean... I'm not going to tell other people what they should call themselves, but frotting/sucking/rubbing another dude and claiming you are straight is like a self-declared vegetarian eating a prime rib. Egypt, rivers, you know...
Not that it bothers me on some level that prevented me from enjoying the story; I enjoyed it for what it is. Just thought that little bit was a bit odd, though perhaps that's part of the comedic value. "No homo," they whispered, wiping their mouths clean of each others' semen. Something like that.
Anyway, good story. Have a fav!
4469526
You've got the nail on the head here. MMmm, yeah, work that nail.
At the way things are going, I really am going to have to write that sequel. And this was supposed to be my story that didn't have characterisation or plot
4470507
You say it like it's a bad thing. I know I wouldn't mind.
It's nice to finally see a story where the characters just go with the flow and aren't forced into predefined categories. Awesome.
Lovely story!
Not only is it a wonderful voyeurism/exhibitionism story, but I enjoy the story and emotion you took the time to put into the characters. The characters feel real and the stress they experience, the dialogue they exchange feels quite real.
A lot of love went into this story and I appreciate the effort! Good work!
Not a bad clopfic
I thoroughly enjoyed the characterization and would love to see this story continue.
You ever watch home improvement shows? Notice how fast everything goes, how nobody ever misses a nail or breaks something or swears or gets confused? Everything just works flawlessly and instantly without having to discuss anything or read the instructions, and the guy doing the renovation looks like some kind of hammer magician while he drones placid instructions between star wipes to the next scene?
That's not how it works in real life. I guarantee everything they're filming has multiple takes. If something doesn't fail spectacularly in the course of your renovation then you might want to make sure you're not asleep, dreaming about work or something.
I think that's the state of most clopfics, too. Two folks who have no idea about one another's likes or dislikes just dive on one another and go to town, and not once does something get messed up or require discussion or planning or does anyone's mind change. The folks just do things without a word of permission and somehow it turns out extra super hot.
When I think about it, that's the general state of affairs in sex scenes in all types of media. Like the home improvement show, they just want to show the best most unrealistically lucky side of things, and jump right to the awesome stuff and sweep all the boring planning bits under the rug, which is a shame, because those are the bits that show you who the characters are, and what they're feeling, and what keeps it from being mindless porn that you could get anywhere.
It's nice to see a story that's so dedicated to bucking that trope as this one. Even the very first kiss between Caramel and Mint, if I recall, had them awkwardly failing to connect lips. There was conversation, spoken and unspoken limitations to their activities, awkward discomfort, accidents and other imperfections.
It was really nice seeing this story turn off the spotlight, and turn up the house lights on what could have easily been just a juvenile myopic sex fantasy.
That said, I really wish more had changed. Ambion, my friend, I know how much you love your slice of life stories, and I saw the tag there. I was fully warned, but it always makes me sad when nothing truly significant comes along to drive the characters into hard choices or big changes, despite all these vibrant characters who each have their own, possibly conflicting motivations. Sometimes I feel like your stories are perfectly gas filled rooms just waiting for some crazy spark to explode it all.
And, yeah, I know, the other tags are that it's a comedy clopfic. Drama is the last thing I should have expected.
Oh well, it is what it is, and I enjoyed it.
This is so sweet! What cute colts.
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor throughout the story, too.
Why am I drawn back to this one particular story? I keep NEEDING to read it... Am... Am I broken?
I CANT STOP LAUGHING
What a peculiar clopfic. Don't really get what the comedy tag was there for, unless it was to excuse the cringe-worthy dialogue. Also really lacking in descriptive visuals, which is disappointing for a clopfic (in which most people want to have detailed descriptions of sex). It got a little better at the end, but there was so much interruption between the actions, it was difficult to keep up with what was happening. That and the dialogue and narrative feels awkward and fumbling, like it's held together with tape.
Good try.
Loved this, if you'd continue this... I'd be a willing reader and a terribly happy guy.