wayward_pony
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I remember liking that story and now that I think about it I felt the appledash was just shoehorned in its fine though. It just happens way too often with dark fanfics the author puts appledash in there why appledash? why that ship? there are millions of other rainbow dash ships you can use in dark fiction but yet people use freakin appledash? why!? whats so fucking dark about appledash that other ships don't have!
appledash in dark fics are not any special then other ships any ship can work in grimdark.
5398927
I don't know how to respond to that, except to say I like Appledash
5398989
Sounds fair enough to me. liking something is one thing but bandwagon hopping is another ya know? I still like the story and I am still creeped out by it so that part has not changed at all. *shudders* your OC is creepy as hell you know that? she is a thing of nightmares!
5399020
Thanks
5399117
You're welcome.
I typically don't like darker stories, but I loved Obsession and Regression and was eager to give this one a try. It did not disappoint in the slightest.
By the way, just curious, do you have any pictures of Miss Buttercup? I'm curious to what exactly she looks like. I know descriptions were given, but if there's any art of her, that would be pretty cool.
5399159
Thanks for the kind words
I don't have any pictures yet, but I'll probably commission Smudge Proof to draw me a cover with her on it eventually.
I picture a pegasus similar in age and build to Mrs. Cake, more pudgy and round than actually fat. Blue piercing eyes, welcoming like Rarity's, very relaxed yet intense-looking. Minimal to no make-up, long flowing mane, golden and gamboge. Confidence and welcoming glow like Applejack's, don't mess around posture of Miss Harshwhinny.
Diapers and stuff isn't my thing I am more for story and that aside this had great story. I hope for a sequel but this bittersweet ending although not content was a good close for the story. Kind of similar to Fallout Equestria. You don't have to like the ending as long as it works. Great job!
Buttercup is the creepiest type of villain I can imagine and you portrayed her perfectly.
She's what I call the "ethylene glycol villain", sweet but with a dark edge. Explanation: Ethylene glycol is reported to be sweet, cloyingly so, but it is toxic, destroying the victim's kidneys.
Damn.
That is just the first word that comes to mind when I read something like this. I like dark fics, but that's for the light at the end of the tunnel as it were, such as Fallout Equestria. There is a 'light' so to speak in this story as well, but it is heavily casted in shadows and grays. However, it does work and the ending does make sense. The ending even has the ability to either stand on it's own or lead into a sequel, either route has the same plausibility, which can be a difficult thing to do in writing.
The way that Scootaloo was broken down was very tragic, since it felt like there was nothing that could be done. The happiness that Ironhoof and Buttercup achieved came at the expense of a filly's mind and freedom. You could even tell that there was still a part of Scootaloo left, but nothing could really be done at that point. Plus, the downward spiral of Dash was just brutal, to find out how she took the misery of Scootaloo disappearing and falling into a heavy case of depression.
I want to say that I enjoy your writing style and I also enjoyed the writing(in the strictest sense, descriptions, scene building, characterizations) in this story, but I did not, in a strict sense, enjoy this story. This story had me engaged though, and that is a far better feat to have achieved. This story achieved a sense of dread, anguish, and a version of fear inside of me, similar to how Silent Hill 2, or Alien(during the bits where everyone was trying to figure out what the hell was going on), has done to me as well. This was not a story that I would recommend to read if someone is looking for joy or straight up happiness in a tale. This is a story that you read to evoke dread, to remember that not everything ends in sunshine and rainbows. To remember that poison honey may taste sweet, but it is still poisoned and will cause your downfall.
5448269
Domo
great story, is there going to be an other related story?
5586937
Most likely
I love love LOVVEEE the oringal cant wait to read this
Well never care for the shippings but..I liked tje fic none the less . I mean yeah scoots is brainwashed bit hey she got a mom . Though jhonestlu hate that - scootaloo orphan thing - Just utter nonsense
Well.. That actually creeped me out abit.
Wow. This is incredible. I didn't get my permission slip signed for this feel trip tho
While the original just left me uncomfortable simply due to the themes involved, at least it ended happily.
I realize that this has been out for 3 years now, so it's likely not going to happen, but I feel like this one should get a sequel where RD and the others SOMEHOW find out what Butterscotch did and SOMEHOW rescue Scootaloo.
Either that, or give this "what-if" scenario it's own "what-if" scenario where they find Scoots before she gets broken.
Heck, that's actually why I felt the need to downvote it, because it ended THAT depressingly.
Again, I realize this probably won't get that kind of happy alternate ending/sequel, but this is one of those times where I have a thought about a story that I HAVE to say, or else it'll keep bugging me until I do so.
8125584
For starters thank you for your thoughts and feedback concerning Doppelganger. I respect the opinions you've shared, and appreciate you telling me what's on your mind, however the only direction I'd want to take a sequel in would be darker.
The story is a bit about giving Buttercup what she wants. She's not healthy, neither is her Butler, and they both view others as things, so whatever happiness they might find could involve tearing down others and they don't care.
A sequel would probably be exploring what could happen over time. What your describing doesn't feel like a good fit to me, but I understand where it's coming from.
Peace
8127909
I don't really see how things could get darker than how this one ended. Heck, this might just be my bias towards Scootaloo talking, since she IS my favorite filly, if Scoots were to somehow DIE, I think that would actually be merciful, because then she'd have an escape from this kind of torment.
Then again, I probably shouldn't say things like that (at least not that first sentence). I mean, for a while I thought Cupcakes was the darkest fic to come out of the fandom. Now, however,I've realized that while it IS the most famous MLP grimdark fic (and probably the first based on the show), it's not the DARKEST, neither in themes nor in the amount of gore.
Makes sense.
There is a question I have:
Were they always like this, or was it the loss of her foal that drove Buttercup and her butler to insanity?
Because if it's the former, then nothing can really be done about that, other than using some kind of mind control or drugs to literally rewrite their personality.
If it's the latter, however, then there IS a way to not only give Buttercup what she wants, but makes sure that nopony else gets hurt in the process: Time travel.
I'm not really sure what else COULD be explored, but then again, I'm not a fanfic writer, and I don't like thinking about this kind of stuff in general.
Understandable.
Like I said, that comment was more to clear my own conscience than anything else.
It IS your story, so the events of the sequel (if one were to ever happen) are entirely up to you, and while I probably won't read it (at least not until the final chapter gets posted so if the mood strikes me, I could just plow through the whole thing at once and not have a story that makes me uncomfortable in my tracking list), you ARE free to write whatever you feel would be best.
(And this has nothing to do with your comment, but something I thought of while typing this reply, so I decided to add it in just to get it out of my head)
I wonder what it says about me that I'd rather reread fics like "Forever Mine", "A Dash of Ego", "The Element of...Lust", and "Love Me", over this and the original.
And those fics are mainly about one character raping another, specifically:
1. Scoots, having turned into a colt prior to the story as a result of RD being into stallions and Scoots having a crush on her, breaking RD until the latter agrees to become his broodmare.
2. RD, having been controlled by her ego since Mysterious Mare-Do-Well though hiding it, first raping a drunk/asleep Berry Punch, then breaking Scoots (mostly through rape) until the latter thinks of herself as nothing more than the former's pet/sex slave.
3. RD raping Flutters for no real reason other than "clop".
4. Fluttershy, after having been rejected by RD, tying the latter up and forcing her to return her affection through rape.
All four fics also have elements of BDSM in them (especially the latter 3), which is something I'm not into.
8127978
Fair enough. It can, however, even with Scootaloo still alive
That's a good question, and to be truthful I'm not sure I can answer and not BS it.
When someone starts doing awful things to others if something bad happens in that person's life he or she can't move on from, I'd like to think that person always at least had the potential to do bad things. Buttercup doesn't have to worry about anything, as she's rich, and I think that adds to a theme of disconnect from others problems I was going for. Others are just things to her. Her Butler doesn't care, either, and his happiness is routed in paying her back for taking him in and giving him direction and structure, and somepony to care about, when he was down on his luck. These are both things could be good attributes, but it depends on the individual. I think when interpreting the actions of others we use our own language, so there's even that disconnect between the two of them, but their relationship still works because of dependency, and when that wears away it will be replaced by something else unhealthy because they'll feed each other's egos and provide each other non-judgemental company.
It probably says you like what you like, no worries. I haven't read any of those fics yet, but I'll probably look at 'em sometime out of curiosity at least.
8129081
Prior to getting this reply, I had already thought of one possibility.
Don't know if you've thought of it yet (I'll spoiler it in case you'd rather think of possibilities on your own):
The mane 6 end up somehow attempting to rescue Scoots, but one by one they all end up somehow getting permanently regressed themselves, with AJ being the second to last to fall, and RD being the last.
Or to make it even darker, RD ends up being the only one NOT regressed, and Buttercup forces her to live with the knowledge of her failure
Makes sense, because everyone has the potential to do bad things in them, and it just requires the right circumstances to bring that out.
Again, that makes sense, and, it's definitely the kind of relationship that SEEMS adorable, but is just disturbing thanks to the other details behind everything.
8129200
Should I ever write a sequel, that's not quite the direction I wanted to take the story in, but I can see some elements in there that I like. Thanks for sharing!
8129374 You're welcome.
I'd ask the direction you'd want to take it in, but that's one of those questions that I simultaneously want answered and would rather not know.
That, and you probably wouldn't want to say it anyways to avoid spoiling it.
8129412
I can PM you, if you'd like. It's just a few thoughts.
8129445 Go ahead.
At this point I'm curious enough to at least see those ideas, regardless of any misgivings I might have.
No sooner did I finish what you had done with "Bubbly Mare" did a friend of mine coincidently recommend this story of yours to me. So, loving your style, I delved right in.
This definitely is an immense rollercoaster of emotions and heartbreaking situations. An initial reaction would be to say this is a tragedy beyond all possible tragedies. However it also shows how cruel people can be.
For Buttercup it was originally meant to get revenge. Her butler, having long desired her, was willing to do anything. Anything. These combined mindsets set into motion a most serious series of very unfortunate events.
What makes the story an even greater tragedy is it actually made Buttercup and Iron Hoof grow closer and, dare I say, less inclined to delight in tormenting others. It's arguable that they delight in tormenting Scoots but it genuinely appears that they fell in love with their ruse. True the last major event was a final dig at Dash but the malice initially shown by Buttercup and Iron Hoof were definitely not as intense. I'd dare say Buttercup's last action was more for her own closure than to spite Dash.
The story really makes you think about how much your decisions do impact others. Buttercup and Iron Hoof are unstable. Even the Mane 6 knew that from the start. However Dash kept to her stubborn streak. So stubborn that she never even thought to check in at Buttercup's after the near coincidental correlation between Scoots disappearance and her standing up Buttercup. The others never even asked questions due to having a naivity of believing someone like that would never go so low to get back for being burned like that.
So, if I took a moral, it is to definitely not allow yourself to naively believe others aren't impacted by your decisions. Some may take a hurtful gesture with a grain of salt while others may turn out to be Buttercups. If you are thoughtful you stand less a chance of causing serious traumas and misfortunes through your actions be them big or small.
As a side note I can't help but to be astounded by your ability to describe special needs and how they are seen by others. Iron Hoof identified Scoots' wings quite well while Buttercup easily made her ruse work through tossing in what society has come to know of individuals with disabilities. The ignorance shown by the Mane 6 when meeting 'Honey' was sadly all too expected. They just took Buttercup at her full word and felt pity on the drugged scoots after simply being told how the false foal was often seen as a lost cause and how Buttercup was the savior to want to be there for her.
Certainly a lot one can take from this story. Life does go on but at what expense? You get what you want but at what expense?
8129445
to be honest I'd be curious to hear those ideas too.
Now, I know this might be considerred a necropost, but where can I officially apply for permission to murder a mare?
Not a.... not a big fan of that ending. That was just.... evil and not even in a "not bad" way but in a "you gotta be shitting me" way. I don't typically mind sad endings but this one just.... no I just plain don't like it.