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A simple, run-of-the-mill field trip. Cheerilee had been there last year (and the year before that), so bored she could fall asleep... but knowing it was her students first time was enough to perpetuate her through the trip and not just through the motions. Now that it's wrapping up...
What happens when a couple of Cheerilee's students are in trouble and she's forced to make a tough decision?
Under Teen for dark themes and mild violence.
Cover art by Smudge Proof.
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Hmm, well written. It grabbed my attention, and I am excited for the other chapters. My only thing is:
Aside from that, great job!
Nitpick enabled:
Missing a quotation Mark.
That's all I saw here. Good job!
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Thank you for your time proof reading. The minor issue you pointed out has been fixed. Thanks again
"The office sat back, glancing over at his partner leaning against the outer wall of the Boutique."
Either that's a type-o or this story features a sentient office. Either way, that brought a strange image to my mind.
Enjoying the new story, by the way.
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Sentient Office... that does bring all sorts of strange images to mind. Fixed it.
Thanks for the kind words
So sad...
beautifully written
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Domo
Interesting so far. I shall be keeping an eye on this one.
Very good reading, you write the emotions well. Congratulations. Looking foward to read more.
Interesting chapter! Who doesn't love a Luna?
Couple things: shouldn't it be 'delude' instead of 'dilute'?
also "in a better spirits" seems like a typeo.
I really enjoy your writing, and genuinely hope you continue soon!
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Thanks! I'll apply those changes in a bit
May I ask how "in better spirits" seems like a typo?
Hopefully next chapter won't as long.
Peace
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"In better spirits" would be fine, but you put "in *a* better spirits". So, either "in better spirits" or "in a better spirit", but not both in one!
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Wow, I can't believe I didn't see that. Thanks
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Maybe Equestrian grammar is different
Aren't most predators silent when they're stalking prey?
Anyway, this definitely piqued my curiosity. The bird (a roc, maybe?) was a great hook, but the part about colour-blindness was interesting, too. Looking forward to the next chapters!
So Equestria is a very litigious society? I wouldn't have guessed it as such, considering how many disasters take place in Ponyville with few repercussions. It does sound like the cops have something up their sleeves, though.
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Thank ya
You make a good point about the predators line. There are few predators that (I think) are indifferent to the noises they make -- wolves, Tasmanian devils, hyenas (though one could argue they're more scavengers). Point it, you might hear some coming, but from what I read a long time ago ,if you do your chances are already pretty slim.
Glad you're enjoying it pardner. Peace
This is deep and emotional, I like this
Well, its been a while hasn't it?
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Indeed it has. Between other projects, promotions at work, and some family stuff I've been pretty busy. All the same, thanks for the interest . Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long
Also, couldn't help reading that in the voice of Solidus Snake. It's been a while, hasn't it... Jack the Ripper? Awesome character, if not a little bit too comic book.
You know. If Luna came to me like this after this happened to me?
Telling me I made the right decision to save the smart kid over the other? Because 'smart people are more deserving of life than dumb ones'? All while smiling like nothing bad happened?
I'd not be comforted. In fact, I'd be very tempted to punch her in the face. And hang myself afterwards.
I couldn't live with myself. A random decision, I could accept. But not this. That'd be too much for me.
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It's interesting you should see it that way.
Cheerilee and Luna both find the situation pretty horrifying, but having existed for thousands of years Luna's had to do it before. It's not a matter of saying "it's okay to have done what you've done," but rather, "you feel horrible for what you've had to do and that's okay, I will help you through understanding your choice and seeing it for what it really is. As a leader sometimes we have to make these decisions." Cheerilee made the decision, Luna does not critique that but rather how Cheerilee came to that choice and why.
This is stupid. Her emotions got in the way of her work? Cheerilee was a stone cold, iron willed, foal saving machine. She saved the lives of three foals with her quick thinking, who wouldn't have otherwise been able to find cover in time. She sat there defending them against a bird ten times her size with a rock, and she's getting fined for pulling on Scootaloo's tail? Why not write up a citation for Scootaloo while you're at it, for breaking her own damn tail by refusing to back up, in a blind panic, when she blocked herself and two others from getting to safety.
What exactly was Cheerilee's work? Bird feeding? Because that's the only thing her emotions got in the way of! Was he going to award her a medal if she left Dinky to die and saved Snails instead? Where was the point at which Cheerilee made an error? Do her responsibilities as a teacher include being in more than one place at the same time?
This isn't justice. It's downright criminal! These officers are mafia goons dressed up in blue. They're the ones who should be fed to the roc, for approaching a grieving and traumatized mare, and using their authority to break her emotionally, just so they could get more citations written out. Made me feel sick just to read about it!
This is kind of iffy too. I don't think Cheerilee was exactly reviewing their academic record as she considered which ones to save. She saved Dinky because Dinky looked at her. If Snails had done that, and Dinky was out of it and probably brain damaged, she'd have saved him instead. It was rather un-called-for that Luna would bring up Snails's mental deficiencies, because there was no time for that to play a factor, and all it did was make Cheerilee feel like she made the choice based on those things. Luna's not exactly the most socially well adjusted though, so I suppose it makes sense she'd comfort Cheerilee by telling her that she wilfully sacrificed the stupid one.
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Thanks for pointing out the error and the critique. Means a lot that people’re enjoying my stuff.
I don’t know why but Fimfiction didn’t inform me of those. Either that or I was away long enough XD
Thanks again
Whoa... I felt my heart sink a number of times as everything happened. The way you put the reader into Cheerilee’s mind is astounding! I felt her pain, frustration, sorrow, regret, and overwhelment from all that happened over a very short period of time.
What has been most impactful is how you conveyed all this without putting a whole lot into how Snails was taken to his doom. Cheerilee’s emotions did all the work there. Snails’ dad also put in a very good bang to the soul with his attempt to remain as civil as one could given the news he had received.
The total barrage that Cheerilee was put through from so many stimuli genuinely put you in the thick of all of this. I honestly would keep reading if I didn’t have something else I need to do at this very moment. I want to know how she continues to process all of this. Especially after Princess Luna through in an extra trauma from her implying that there was a degree of personal choice in who Cheerilee chose to protect. That’s harsh. Spirit crushing. I don’t know if anyone could ever go back to their job as an educator after having all that is on Cheerilee’s plate at this point in this tale.
I shall look forward to when next I can pick this up. This would certainly make for a great movie. The emotional ride as you are put so close to Cheerilee’s emotions just grip you as you can only hope something of similar nature would never happen to you.
Definitely an emotional roller coaster ride. This story certainly shows you how much can come of one traumatic event. It took a very short period of time for it all to happen but the ripple effect of outcomes ever widens until, with luck, it fades away. Unfortunately the source of the ripple is still there like a stone tossed into the water. Not seen but definitely still there.
Due to being blind, along with the recent site update, it is very hard for me to tell when chapters are added. Could I ask your kindness is telling me through a note when you update this story? This way I can keep reading it as you find time to complete it.
As always you present a lot of food for thought on how impactful traumas in life can be. It’s kind of like if more was done after “Lesson Zero” as a result of Twilight losing her marbles over sending a note while she felt her friends weren’t taking her concern seriously. That particular episode showed that it was Spike who took the iniative to intervene before things got even more out of hand. However it still did not address Twilight’s feelings about being timely to potentially detrimental effect. This is why, in my opinion, the events of “Princess Spike” took place. Twilight was allowed to run herself ragged with Celestia, Cadance, and Luna doing nothing to make her rest. this put Spike in the awkward position that made him befall a lot of trouble just to make up for an unresolved issue that Twilight has had and, quite honestly, still has. Take “Flurry of Emotions” as yet another example. Spike, again, tries to help get Twilight in line but can’t do it alone. Twilight tries to take on too much, this results in issues for others, and yet still no resolution to her ongoing “Must do everything without thought of side effects”.
It's like that episode of Voyager where the EMH wonders why he saved the main character instead of Ensign Rikki.
Why isn't there a Scootaloo tag?
Very nicely done. Princess Celestia definitely would have a great insight on what it is like to live with the ghosts of your decisions along with seeing how such decisions are viewed / interpreted by all those who have a glimpse into them.
I like how you present Luna using 'labels' to make things more concrete. Sometimes putting a label to something does make it easier to understand. I know, from personal experience, once I knew I 'belonged' somewhere it made me feel better. Having the 'label' of something like "Brony" does allow a sense of community / connection over isolation and worry.
Labels have their downside, too. You did well in allowing Celestia to point this out without her diminishing her sister's ways of processing the world. Some things really are 'just you' and must be treated as so. Giving others power to define you when only you truly can barely grasp what something is can lead to shame, fear, and definitely anxiety coupled with depression. This is why you need to do all you can to have self-power over such matters. As Cheerilee is told here it is really she who is the one who most needs answered to regarding the events that transpired. If she can't forgive herself than she'll never be able to move on. She'll always feel judged and diminished so long as she holds on to that she is trapped in this traumatic place in her mind. She needs not forget what happened but live knowing she did all she could and will take that knowledge to honor Snails' life through carrying on for all those who were spared the monsters' wrath thanks to her actions.
Nice to see more of the story. As I said before, you have a gift for bringing out a lot more character in the characters of the show. You use them as vehicles to go from simple "TV Y" lives to handling deeper scenarios that most of us have to go through at least once. To never have experienced a major trauma in one's life is nearly impossible. Most of us have multiple. It is how we get through the traumas, as your characters do, which makes the story along with builds our own character. :)
Uh oh
Oh, goody! Another chapter in this very emotional tale.
What got me the most here is how Cheerilee clearly is heading to the memorial expecting some pony, likely Mollusk, to say something that would serve as a fierce jab at Cheerilee's actions on that day. Or maybe the mayor will try to get Cheerilee to come down and speak on behalf of Snails' memory?
Having Derpy and Dinky seek her out is a plus but, I think, Cheerilee is worried their presence will further illustrate the perceived favoritism towards Dinky over Snails.
No doubt it is taking a lot for Cheerilee to stay 'grounded' in this, potentially hostile environment. And, more importantly, would any Mares and/or Stallions feel safe sending her kids to the school she teaches at.