destroyer-of-pineapples
Joined 3rd Nov, 2012 ·
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How have i not favourited this yet!!??
Oh will there be sex?
Besides the grammar errors, my biggest problem with this story is the overuse of profanity. I like to limit my use of such words, even "Damn", restricting them to such instances when I really want to convey a character's passion for something. I feel that you've kind of just thrown profanity in here at places for dramatic effect, but the overuse has turned it into melodramatic effect.
Also Rainbow Dash's and Spike's emotions felt kind of rush. I barely had time to fully understand how and why they were feeling the way they were before the scene skipped and their emotions had changed.
Nevertheless, this was a fun read, and I'm glad to see users participating in B_25's competition.
That said, how is this not rated mature?
Teen's reserved for innuendo only. I think you might want to change that before users start complaining.
4133881
Thanks for your opinion. As usual criticism is welcomed
4133848
I would like to add some juicy stuff but I don't want to rush anything... Maybe another dream
4133842
Thank you so much. I will do my best to deserve your fave
4133902
Shit, you're right. It was supposed to be teen but as you can see it went too far. Thanks.
good idea, it just needs to be fleshed out and 'polished' more
Awesome!
Could use a little spit and polish but this is an interesting story. Just be careful about the cursing, I don't mind it but others might so go a bit easier on them.
What the hell were you thinking!
Like the fic so far!
I'm going to give this a honest read and review, because I Daww'ed out loud at your cover art.
- - -
Spikes alienation totally baffles me. I'm kinda with you during the argument, but the makeup startlingly sudden. You have multiple scene changes that are so abrupt, I'm left asking why I needed to read the previous scene.
It's a fun idea. Keep writing.
Great so far. I was seriously tricked, thinking it was actually happening CX
4134346
But seriously thanks for catching it
Grammar... The greatest enemy of mine
4137002
No problem, mine is typing and spelling.
Huh.....
oh right.
You have a seriously weird and awkward way of phrasing things, both in dialogue and narration. Is English your native language?
Also Rainbow Dash lives in a cloud home. Or at least used to.
4137930
Well, you've got me. English's not my native language. I'm trying my best to improve my writing.
About Rainbow's house, I think cloud houses are made of normal materials like wood or stone. Clouds are sorounding them and, thanks to magic, let them fly. In "Read it and weep" we saw Rainbow's bedroom and it was quite ...normal
Since I'm not really one for SpikeDash, I will not be reading this. But I do wish you luck and hope it goes well for you.
4138122
Thank you very much
I also wish you a lot of luck. Take care.
I loves me a
story!
In the description, (the one you see scrolling through stories) I think you spelled fellings instead of feelings.
Anyway good luck!
4138037 My point is more that I'm unclear on how Spike got up there.
DANMAT! RETURN TO YOUR WORK NOW, WRITTER! Or you will into in a world of pain!
4140109
... Well... He... Stairs! Rainbow made stairs fo her friends!
4140109 Well this is clearly set in the future, and spike is a dragon, so he must have grown his wings
4141489 I maintain that Spike is an earth dragon
4141962 Or a sea dragon...since...fins for ears.
4141962
4143006 This is of course implying that Equestrian dragons follow the same standards as dragons in mythology.
4143915 Not really. It's mainly a reference to the fact that they're called earth ponies in Equestria.
I really hope you will finish the story i wanna knoe what happens next
This cover photo..... IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!
is this a troll or is there more coming?
4282041
But right now I'm too busy with my school
As soon as I will be done with everything I will finish it
There is more coming! Don't worry!
4288000
Three words, my friend: Take. Your. Time.
Wow wow wow she having wet dreams of him, awesome
uh... i... no comment...
5041161 is it that bad
5045611 as i said... no comment...
Oh dam it's ded
… hello???
Would love to see this continue