II: Quadratus
II
Quadratus
“You shouldn’t be here,” Luna said in a hurried whisper. “Leave now, Twilight Sparkle. There is nothing for us to discuss.”
“You owe both me and them a debt many times over,” Twilight answered in an icy voice. She hopped off Luna’s balcony railing and looked up into her ancient eyes. “I’m giving you a chance to repay that debt. I’ll ask you again: will you help me?”
Luna’s eyes softened. She looked around to make sure they were alone before answering. “You think I don’t want to? You think I wouldn’t have already brought them back if I could? Such things are beyond me, my friend. They always have been, and they always will be.”
“I didn’t ask you whether or not you could resurrect them,” Twilight said. “I know full well that you can’t. What I’m asking for is your help.”
“Help?” Luna raised an eyebrow. “In doing what?”
“Research,” Twilight answered. “Experiments. Brainstorming. Anything and everything to try and figure out a way to—”
“I can save you some time,” Luna said in a tired voice. “I’ve spent millennia researching the secrets of life and death, all in vain. Countless avenues explored, innumerable trials failed, every single idea exhausted. I’ve worked with the best and brightest minds of over a hundred generations, and none of them have even come close to retrieving a soul from beyond the Veil. I’d truly hoped there was some other way to do it, but I—”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Other way’? You mean you knew of one all along?! What was it? How’s it done? Tell me!”
Luna shook her head. “It’s irrelevant. The process would—”
“I’ll decide what’s irrelevant or not!” Twilight snapped. “There’s never just one way to do anything! You KNOW how good I am at figuring things out! I just need you to know where to start!”
Luna bit her lip. She sized Twilight up for a few seconds before her eyes briefly flicked to the north. She opened her mouth to say something, but then, she sighed and shook her head.
“No. Not even for them. I’m sorry, Twilight, but after they’ve saving Equestria so many times, it would be an insult to your friends’ memory if I were to put it into jeopardy once more.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. She spluttered for a few seconds, but then the rage bubbled up inside her again. She dropped her paper-thin visage of politeness and spoke in a low growl.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me.”
“Yes, you are,” Luna replied without pause. “Because I will alert my sister to your presence if you don’t. Do you wish to face Celestia again when you can’t use a megaton explosion to cover your escape? Oh! And perhaps I should notify your mother, as well. She’s been very worried about you, you know. Would you care to explain your actions as of late to her?”
Twilight seethed. There was a line here she wasn’t willing to cross, and they both knew it. They stared silent daggers at each other for almost a full minute, but then Twilight scoffed and turned away. As she prepared to leave, though, she couldn’t help but say one final thing.
“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.” Twilight looked back at her with cold, bitter eyes. “Betrayal is something that runs in your family, after all. You just happened to exhibit it early.”
And then she teleported away.
Twilight’s unconscious form lay sprawled out on the floor of the Shrine of Worship. Her breathing was deep and steady, and her body was unharmed and whole. Strangely, standing right above her was one of the ghostly, bipedal shades from when she’d first placed the urns on the altar, but it didn’t seem to be doing anything. It just stood there, unmoving, staring down at Twilight for no discernible reason.
Twilight came to with a groan. She blearily opened her eyes, but immediately regretted it as the merciless sun assaulted her retinas. She shielded her face with a wing and unsteadily rose to her hooves.
“Ugh.” Twilight rubbed her head and gingerly opened her eyes a crack. “What the… did I pass out? What the hay for? I didn’t over—”
She stopped once she’d realized where she was. She lowered her wing and looked all around with parted lips.
“Buh?”
She had a moment to wonder if she was still dreaming before her eyes fell on the urns. She rushed to them to make sure if spells she’d cast on them were intact.
“Thank Heavens…” she breathed a sigh of relief. “Maybe I shouldn’t leave them here. I could probably find a safer place—”
There was an ominous grating sound behind her. She turned and found that the idol closest to her was emitting a pure, white light. The grating sound grew louder and louder, and then all at once, the statue exploded to pieces with a thunderous crack.
Twilight wrinkled her brow as the dust and debris settled. ‘“Huh. Okay, then.”
The shrine rumbled and quaked. The sunlight from the hole above grew bright as Dormin’s dissonant voice filtered down to address Twilight once more.
“Your next foe is…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Twilight held up a hoof and looked all around the great hall. “How’d I get back here, Dormin? One minute I’m stabbing old Two-Legs in the head, and the next I’m laid out here on the floor!”
“You will be returned to this place each time you slay a colossus,” Dormin said. “It is part of the magic that governs this land…”
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” Twilight warily eyed the shattered idol. “Aren’t you were the one that governs this land? Who’s calling the shots around here?”
“We only hold dominion over life and the light.” The sunlight flickered and pulsed for emphasis. “Nothing more...”
“Gee, whaddya know?” Twilight said with rolled eyes. “There’s another thing that would’ve been nice to know from the start! Right along with details on what the colossi can do, the Element beam-sword, and a mother-bucking disjunction aura! Did the giant LASER BEAM I shot when I got here not clue you in to what I’m the Goddess of?! Did you not think that not being able to use magic wouldn’t change my tactics?”
“You are an immortal Goddess,” Dormin said without any hint of concern. “Even with their defenses, the colossi pose little challenge to you...”
“Just because I’m immortal doesn’t mean I’m invincible!” Twilight said with a scowl. “I still get tired, I still feel pain, and I can still be knocked out! Having limitations on my magic is a major handicap, and it doesn’t help that I also having to deal with—”
Her voice died in her throat. Her hoof strayed unconsciously towards her necklace, but she caught it and put it back down.
“Having to deal with...?” Dormin said expectantly.
“Never mind,” Twilight muttered. She regained her composure with a sigh and looked back at the urns. “Look, I’ve been trying to bring my friends back for a while now. I’m not in the mood for games, cryptic hints, over-elaborate plans, evil schemes, betrayals, setbacks, or distractions of any kind. I’ve had enough of those to last me the rest of eternity, and I’m while willing to play ball with you here, you’ve gotta know that it’s not in your best interests to withhold information from me. You seem like a smart… whatever you are, can’t you see that keeping me in the dark is only gonna drag this out?”
“The process of retrieving of five souls is both lengthy and arduous,” Dormin said. “Your task does serve as payment, but it is also a test.”
Twilight cocked her head. “Test? In what way?’
“Each time you kill a colossus, the rest will become resistant to whatever method you used to best them.” Dormin paused a moment to let that sink in. “You must use your versatility, adaptability, and tenacity to succeed, but surely such qualities are no issue for a Goddess…”
Twilight ground her teeth. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, trying hard not to cast one of the fifty spells that were currently at the forefront of her mind. She didn’t say anything for a long while, but when she finally did, it was in a voice that betrayed no emotion.
“Does that count striking their weak points with the Element sword?”
“Nay,” Dormin said. “That will always work. We refer to whatever other strategies or abilities you use before delivering the final blow…”
“So they’re all resistant to being hit with rocks.” Twilight ran a hoof down her face. “Great. And I take it you’re not gonna be dissuaded on this?”
“Correct…”
“Which means I’m basically on my own here aside from a few vague hints here and there.”
“The challenge will keep you occupied while we grant your wish…”
Twilight’s eye twitched at that, but she kept her voice level. “And these are your terms for upholding your end of the bargain?”
“Destroy the colossi, and your friends will live once more.”
Twilight exhaled out her nose. “Fine, but let me give you one word of warning in return, Dormin. There have been many times in the past where I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn’t have, and if there’s one thing I hate more than anything else, it’s those who try to use others for their own gain. Tyrants and beggars alike have made the mistake of confusing my kindness and trust for weakness and naivety, and I’ve made each and every one of them regret their actions a million times over.”
Twilight looked up at the ceiling, her eyes sparkling and crackling with electricity.
“Don’t think I won’t do the same to you.”
She teleported away before Dormin could reply, re-appearing outside in midair high above the Shrine. She circled around the mighty building once while focusing on her Element, and after finding that her next target was to the north, she adjusted her course accordingly and headed on her way.
Twilight discovered that her next quarry wasn’t far away at all. She followed the great stone bridge for only ten minutes before her Element pointed down towards a canyon dividing the great plains. At the bottom was a winding body of water leading to the sea, and she could see that a long-abandoned path led down the cliffside to a white, sandy beach. The ruins were plentiful along the road as she descended, with eroded guardrails and crumbling cobblestones that would’ve made traversing it a nightmare.
“Ah, wings,” Twilight said with the hint of a smile. “I do love you so.”
She followed the ancient path down and landed near the sandy shore. The place was abandoned as far as she could tell, without so much as a bird or a crab or a even a fish visible to her eyes. Twilight looked up and saw that a sliver of land connected the northern and southern plains at the far edge of the canyon, and the pillars of the great bridge were spaced out in a straight line before and behind her.
“Gonna try and surprise me again, I see.” A quick check of her Element told Twilight that she needed to go to the opposite end of the beach. Before she did, though, she took another brief look at her surroundings.
“Not exactly much to work with, here. I can’t use rocks again, and I gotta be careful about what I try or this is gonna get tricky before long. Hmm…”
A dull rumbling in the ground jolted Twilight out of her thoughts. She looked all around in alarm, but couldn’t identify the source of it. She jumped into the air and began to ascend.
“I seriously doubt that was an earthquake.” Twilight turned her gaze to where her Element had pointed. There was a cave at the far end with a weathered mural carved into the rock. She had a moment of indecision, but then angled her wings and flew over to perch just above the carving.
“Yoohoo!” She raised her hoof to her lips and whistled. “Oh, mister colosssssssuuuussss! Come on out! The pretty purple pony princess would like to have a word with you!”
The mural below her shuddered. The rocks all around jittered and jolted, and all of a sudden, a gigantic, four-legged beast smashed its way through the mural as if it were nothing. It was much larger than the first colossus—standing at around one hundred feet tall and one-and-a-half times as long. Its body was covered in shaggy brown fur, with bits of stone architecture sticking out of its legs and back. Its face was covered with a mask that was reminiscent of a portcullis gate, and a pair of curved horns stuck out from either side of its head.
The colossus finished breaking its way through the cliffside and ran down the beach. Each step it took made Twilight’s teeth rattle in her skull. The beast ran some ways before turning around, and it looked up at Twilight with eerie blue eyes, gauging her with a shrewdness that hadn’t been present in the first. It stomped at the ground and let out an ear-splitting bellow.
Twilight leapt off the ledge and dove at the beast, her voice rising into a shrill scream.
“AND THAT WORD IS DIE!”
The colossus charged as well. The waters of the inlet shivered as they they rushed each other full-bore. Five hundred feet. One hundred feet. Fifty. Twenty-five. Ten. The colossus’ visage filled Twilight’s vision. Her magic was useless while this close. She was a gnat to this creature, smaller than one of its eyes, yet still she charged on with her teeth bared in a snarl.
But at the last second, that snarl turned into a smirk.
“Gotcha.”
Twilight turned in midair, cocked both her legs, and bucked the charging colossus square between the eyes.
CRACK
The very air around them rippled from the force of Twilight’s strike. A great shockwave emanated from her hooves upon hitting, causing the sand around them to blow away with such magnitude that a great dust cloud rose up out of the canyon and into the sky. The massive colossus was not only knocked back from Twilight’s kick, it was sent flying off the beach and clear across the inlet to crash into the far wall. Its trajectory was such that it smashed through two of the pillars of the great bridge, and with an ominous rumbling, a portion collapsed and fell tumbling into the canyon below.
“Uh-oh.” Twilight teleported to dodge the falling masonry. She reappeared up on the edge of the southern plain, rubbing at her eyes and coughing to clear the sand from her lungs. The entire crevasse was now obscured by the cloud, and she was unable to see any sign of the colossus.
Another roar sounded from below, this one considerably more enraged than the first. There was a disturbance on the far side, and suddenly, several chunks of the fallen bridge came sailing straight at Twilight.
Each one of them was enshrouded in an eerie blue aura.
Twilight’s eyes widened. She teleported again to dodge, but the rocks homed in on her again. She tried a second time, but they followed her without fail. She realized she couldn’t shake them after the third time, and so she took wing with a curse and fled, scanning the canyon for her foe as she did.
“It’s copying my telekinesis,” Twilight muttered. She abruptly veered right avoid being smashed to a pulp. “But how the heck is it able to see me?! Is it able to sense my—wait. Why the hay am I running?”
She slowed down and faced the pursuing rocks. They sped to collide with her, but she responded with a devastating flurry of punches. There was a cacophony of cracks as the boulders were shattered to smithereens, and a deluge of pebbles fell down to the plains below.
“Sorry, pal,” Twilight said with a chuckle. “Divinity comes with a few perks.”
The dust in the canyon had now settled. She could now see that the colossus was standing knee-deep in the inlet a short ways away from where she’d kicked it. The fallen remains of the collapsed bridge section were scattered all around it, and as Twilight looked on, its horns glowed with the same blue aura as the rocks she’d just smashed. Another, much larger chunk lifted up at the colossus’ command and was launched at Twilight with impressive speed.
“Ooooh, tennis!” Her horn glowed as the rock came close. “I can’t even remember the last time I played!”
Twilight easily overpowered the colossus’ magic and altered the path of the giant stone. It flew around her in an arc, then shot back down with terrifying velocity. It struck the colossus square on the top of the head, but strangely, it didn’t seem to have much effect at all.
“Yeah, figured that wouldn’t work.” Twilight cracked her neck and touched her Element. “May as well go with what did before.”
She now saw that the colossus had two sigils: The first was on its rump, and the second was the top of its head. She decided to go for the latter and dove straight down for an attack. The colossus shot a few more rocks at her as she descended, but Twilight just either dodged or smashed straight through them. She stretched out her forehoof and summoned the Element sword.
“Take thi—”
The colossus reared. It avoided her attack with surprising ease and then swatted her with one of its gargantuan hooves. Twilight’s body crumpled under the strike and ragdolled through the air, landing in the churning waters with the force of a depth charge.
Twilight had time to chide herself about getting cocky again while her body healed. It’d been a while since she’d run into anything that could actually hurt her, and she was beginning to realize that her over-reliance on magic had made her grow complacent. This was the second time she’d taken a would-be-fatal hit, which, as far as she was concerned, was two times too many. She wouldn’t be able to make mistakes like this once she wasn’t working alone anymore, so she really needed to wise up.
A bright light illuminated Twilight’s features. She looked up and saw that the colossus’ hoof was swiftly descending through the waters to crush her. It’s underside glowed with a strange brilliance that was oddly distorted beneath the choppy waves.
Twilight panicked. She wasn’t able to get out of the way due to still being injured, so she did the only thing she could do: she braced herself and stuck her horn straight up to meet it.
The colossus’ hoof impaled itself on the foot-long spike of keratin. An echoing cry of pain echoed through the water, and there was a great disturbance in the water as the beast fell forward and to its knees. Twilight was taken along for the ride, as she was still stuck on the underside of the creature’s hoof.
It took a few seconds for her to wrench herself free. When she did, though, she swam up as fast as her mended legs would allow. She surfaced with a gasp and saw that the colossus was stunned and unmoving. She jumped free of the water and awkwardly flapped up onto its back, focusing on her Element as she did. The glowing weak spot on its rump was only a few dozen feet away, and she pounced on it before it could recover.
“No more messing around,” she said. She brought her hoof back and sunk the enchanted sword deep into the colossus’ flesh.
The colossus screeched. It jumped back up and kicked its back hooves out to try and dislodge her, but Twilight held fast and stabbed again. The sigil flickered as black mist sprayed out like a geyser, covering her coat in a greasy, oily film. She turned her head away to avoid getting it in her mouth this time, and once the sigil had faded away, she turned and started to make for the head.
The colossus had gone berserk. It now ran all over the canyon in an erratic fashion, bucking, twisting, shaking, jumping, all in an effort to knock Twilight off. The entire canyon shook from the beast’s frenzied movements, but she held on regardless. The wind whipped past her as she crawled across the colossus’ back bit by bit, carefully making her way over and past the various chunks of stone sticking out of its back. Her progress was slow due to many of the chunks being more than twice her size, and she had to wait for lulls in the colossus’ movements before clambering over them.
Twilight reached the head. The second sigil was only a few feet away, clearly visible through the dark brown fur. She prepared to give the final blow, but as she did, the colossus’ horns glowed. Twilight paused at the sudden light and looked up to see several more boulders zooming towards her from all directions.
“Oh, no you don’t!” Twilight rushed to the right horn and punched it as hard as she could.
SNAP
The horn broke off like it was made of chalk. The boulders abruptly lost their magic and fell back down to the ground. The colossus’ screams of agony were lost to Twilight’s ears as she turned her attention back to the sigil, Element blade in hoof.
“Nothing personal,” she whispered.
The strike was quick and clean. The colossus immediately ceased its cries and stopped thrashing about. It went completely limp mid-stride and crashed into the sandy beach, the impact tossing Twilight free and sending her flying through the air. She opened her wings in time and glided gracefully down to the ground a hundred feet away, and upon coming to a stop, she turned and looked back at the colossus to make sure it was really dead.
“Two down. Good.” She sat back on her haunches and looked up at the sky. “Fourteen to go, then? Ergggh, this is gonna take a while...”
Silence gradually returned to the canyon as the echoes died out and the waters calmed. Twilight stared over at the enormous corpse, lost in her thoughts and feelings. She glanced down at her hoof, which was still tingling from summoning the sword.
“Sixteen lives for five… pretty crummy deal, all things considered. Though I can’t actually tell if these things are really alive or not. They’re pretty advanced for constructs, but it’s hard to say much without performing an autopsy on them. Maybe I can do some experiments after I finish my business here.”
She then took a proper look at herself and curled her lip. “But I may not bother if it means getting covered in more of this black gunk. I hope it doesn’t stain… ew, it’s all greasy. I need a wash.”
She made her way over to the water to clean herself. As she did, though, the colossus’ corpse became enveloped in a seeping darkness from head to toe.
Twilight stopped. “What the…”
A multitude of black tendrils suddenly burst out of the head wound. They streaked towards Twilight faster than a bullet and speared her body with a crunchy, organic sound.
“Hrk!”
Twilight spasmed and fell to her side, doubling over in pain as the tendrils forced her way into her body. She tried to do something, anything, to defend herself, but it was hard to think when she was so tired. Her vision dimmed, and she felt herself slipping away…
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This... is weird. I'm not following you, but I got a notification of this updating
(In the description.)
This game.... This.... Damn game.... and its feels.... also really loving this so far.
Love it! Loved the game as well. Like and favorite from me!
Great game though I don't often see crossovers for it. Really awesome story so far, can't wait to see more of it.
*sighs* That... black ribbon or whatever it is... that's part of the "price" for the resurrection Dormin mentioned, isn't it.
This is probably gonna suck...!
Let us feast upon this glorious morsel!
I really hope you don't just replace Wander with Twilight for this story.
I don't know Shadows of the Colossus, but I'm guessing resurrecting the Mane 6 will have consequences on Equestria as a whole.
There are two kinds of stories I really like; OP Twilight, and Badass Twilight. This story has both of them and a bit more.
this should be of interest to anyone with an internet connection: Roar of the Earth, Extended
Tragedy and Sad, Tragedy and Sad, abandon ship-
Oh wait, I don't bitch about things like that
lucky you.
Story was entertaining, definitely enjoyed it
You may continue.
3975966
There is more to the Colossi than meets the eye.
3975828
You have no idea.
Excelent story so far. What Twilight said in the flashback *shivers*, man was that cold. Can't wait to see how this story will go.
Such a good game. I will be watching this story closely.
OH SHIT YES. A CROSSOVER OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES?
YOU BETTER SEE THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
3976729
Well, none can say Dormin isn´t true to his/her word. He merely omitted... a few details.
I wonder... was Discord the one who told Twi about the Forbidden Land? I imagine he would be interested in sending the young alicorn there, either for revenge for Fluttershy´s death or for the chaos Twilight´s wish would generate.
Noooo... ! I want to read this, but I don't want to read this because I can feel the feels-storm coming...
Sad + Tragedy
You can't believe how nonsensical that sounds.
Oh my god........ I LOVE SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS!!!!! SUCH A GOOD GAME! MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The writing is very dull (lots of tell-y narration and blunt delivery of details), but I think the bigger disappointment is the fact that you used Colossi identical to the ones in the games.
A good crossover should not simply rehash half its donors with characters from the other half. It should explore them in a new way, reinterpret both in order to make them match each other. This story doesn't do that, it just takes all the colossi from the original games and replaces Wander with Twilight. This is especially evident in the way you describe everything; the introduction of each colossus is more like a checklist than the ponderous reveal in the game. It's clear that this was written with people who already played Shadow of the Colossus in mind--if I hadn't played the game already, I wouldn't even recognize the colossi, and anyone who hasn't will not get the same sense of awe and terror from writing so flat.
SoTC?
Damn, Dormin is gonna fave fuuuun.....
I love MLP and Shadow of the Collossus. I will read this.
I'm... just not feeling it. Having played the game all the way through, this is hardly what I'd call a Shadow of the Colossus story. The game focused entirely on its melancholy, its epic loneliness, and the unfolding tragedy you get only hints of. Most of all, the fights with the colossi were desperate, mythical, and felt extremely one-sided since they could smash you with just their finger.
Here, Twilight is yelling in all caps (no), screeching and hollering with little regard to her characterization even after such a tragedy (no no), and kind of acting like a teenager with a raging addiction to Call of Duty (bleh). Don't even get me started on how random the whole "Celestia straight up murdered all her friends" angle is.
Basically, it doesn't feel anything at all like the source material, especially when Twilight is magically smashing them down to size with boulders and yelling corny one-liners. I would reconsider the direction you're going here. Maybe play the game again to get a good feel for the atmosphere, and also adapting the worlds so they mesh better, telling us how and why the Colossi are there and why there's this forgotten land.
Because this, right now, feels like both settings have been put into a blender and forced to grind together awkwardly like so many ravers who suddenly realize how weird they look.
3976916 Judging from the rhymes in the prologue, I assume it was Zecora who told Twilight about this land.
Following this story because SotC is awesomely difficult.
Alright. One thing. Twilight is to damn badass. Shes over powered! Theres very little tension in the fights if your main protagonist just smashes and bashes their way through everthing. I understand this was probably the goal but Shadow of the Colossus isn't about that. The reason Shadow of the Colossus was so great was because your protagonist was a simple mortal who had everthing to lose, you can clearly see him(her?) struggle along the way in more than one occasion. You give the character the ability to fly AND the power levels to stand hoof to toe with even the toughest colossi and my point makes itself. There are other universes much more suited for this writing style than this one: IE. [Prototype], MG Rising, God of War, and even Dragon Ball.
Scratch that. Two thing. You botched Twilight's personality. Shes way to cocky and self asured. She doesn't fear anything, she doesn't feel remorse (at the ruthless killing of the colossi), and shes way to evil. You have her acting more like Rainbow Dash than Twilight Sparkle. Now when I say evil I say that with the greyscale viewpoint in mind. She isn't the Devil-and shes DEFINITELY not Twilight-but her actions are far to impulsive and she has already put ponies lives in jeapardy with her plan. This is so far outside Twilights character tree you might as well plug in your Dark Blade OC and have him be the protagonist.
community.us.playstation.com/t5/image/serverpage/image-id/111393i47B06C0837F85463/image-size/original?v=mpbl-1&px=-1
Note that I will follow this story as I still have high hopes.
Still kicking well.
Now it seems even Luna is looking to turn her back on her and her own flesh and blood sister sealed her away for a thousand years without looking for any alternative to her Nightmare Moon enigma. 
Looks like they both have to pay now. Twilight's parents too if they had anything negative to say about that moron Sun Goddess sacrificing their lives out of nowhere like that.
........I think I ranted again.
>Shadow of the Colossus
Insta fave
3977303
Rather common these days
so well the next chapter have discord telling her about dormin and warning her it's not an option or soemthing?
Oh, thank you so much. I've been waiting for a proper crossover between MLP and Shadow of the Colossus for a long time now, and this is brilliant.
I just can't wait to see when Twilight begins feeling remorseful for killing these beautiful creatures. I'm guessing when she gets to Phalanx; it doesn't even actually try to fight the player in the game. It just sort of wants to be left alone. Plus it is by far the most majestic Colossus.
3977969
Mmmm... I agree. The author may:
-Making the death of the Elements more ambiguous. Even if Twilight blames Celestia for the tragedy, the later can be showed apologetic yet unreadable in Twi´s recalls. The readers should make their own conclusions about the event, or Celestia´s grade of responsability.
-Depowering Twilight. As you pointed, Wander didn´t have wings or D&D magic to his call, and climbing over the colossus´ bodies to reach their weak spots was an integral part of the game. Canon Twilight the unicorn, even with limited teleportation (which consumes a lot of her energies, leaving her vulnerable) is a more fitting protagonist.
-Taking Scale as an example: the protagonist doesn´t talk, but shows; all her expressions, like her emotional state, is non verbal, based on her actions and reactions.
Elaborated, deep monologues are another option.
-Describing the apparitions and shapes of each colossus in all of their majestic, terrible glory. Each of one must be a deadly challenge where one single mistake equals death.
-Alicorns aren´t goddesses. Dormin is the closest thing of a deity around, and even he/she is intentionally ambiguous, distant and cryptic.
3979306 Yes, indeed.
3975928
it depends on what you mean by replacing him. In the sense that they're undergoing the same quest, yes. In the sense that they're going to go about it the same way, no.
3977375
It's funny. On the one hand, you've got people that want a crossover to remain as true to the source material as possible. On the other, you've got people that want as much originality as possible. I'm not really sure whether or not one approach is better than the other, as in either case you're going to alienate one portion of your prospective audience, but I chose to go with the original colossi here because of their significance to the story, and because of how attached the fans of the series are to them. Just one look at the SotC wiki will give you an idea of how much information there is on each one of the colossi, and I thought people would appreciate it more if I went with the tried-and-true ones rather than trying to make up my own.
You also need to understand that the creation of 16 completely new and unique enemies that, at the same time, are reminiscent of the originals would have been a massive undertaking. I would've had to come up with some kind of idea for each one, which more than likely would have involved research on various mythologies and sketches to determine their proportions. I also would have had to come up with their abilities, the location of their weak points, how they were going to react to Twilight, what order she would face them in, and how she would to defeat them.
All of that for 16 creatures.
The bottom line was that I was intimidated by that. I also wasn't confident that anything I could come up with would come close to being as cool as what's in the original game, so I just decided not to mess with it. Was that lazy of me? Maybe, but I also saw it as safer.
3979745 Remaining true to the inspiration and being original are not mutually exclusive. There's a fine line between importing the tone of a story into a different setting, and merely regurgitating its plot/characters. This story does the latter, when it should be doing the former. I can't really elaborate on this without rehashing my previous comment, but 3977969, 3978279, and 3975928 also elaborated on this complaint.
I treat fanfiction as an avenue to practice writing. Worldbuilding, plotting, and character creation are important skills for any writer to practice. I really don't want to sound rude, but good writing is a lot of work, and assuming otherwise is rather naive.
No one expects perfection, especially from amateur pursuits like fanfiction. If you (or any writer) had made a bunch of original colossi, I would at least be able to appreciate the effort that went into such an endeavor. And whether it turned out well or not, you would have at least grown as a writer. Choosing the "safe" option of recycled lore and a flat plot means that as a reader, this story just makes me feel disappointed, and that, as a writer, you are cheating yourself out of opportunities to improve.
*stares at the title*
Wow, that's a stupid title— OHHHHH I GET IT!
I'll be honest, I won't read this. It doesn't interest me at all because of things I've seen in the comments. But I hope you do something with this. It's a good idea if you did something with it.
3980351 If you base every story off the comments of others, does that not mean you lack the ability to make an opinion for yourself and rely completely on others to decide things for you?
3977206
She's made a deal with Dormin. This will not end well for her. Of that I am certain.
3980351
You're basing your reading off of what other people think of it?
Willow c'mooon!
Okay. I've read the first two chapters and the prologue and I just want to say this:
I love it.
Even though the protagonist doesn't talk in the game, you captured the look and feel of the world perfectly. Twilight may be a bit ooc but so are all ponies in sad/darkfics.
Simply put, I love this. Please, continue.
3980757
That...was kind of uncalled for doncha think?
No one needs to worry. The five will be ressurected and twilight will live on because adventure
Before this, I read a fic called "Pinkie of the Colossus." It was just as silly as you think it would be.
3980134 I have to ask; do you know who cyborgSamurai is? He at first canceled his biggest story, the powers of harmony, because it would take up too much of his time and he wants to do well at college. He was eventually convenience to put it on hiatus by his readers. Check out this blog post and its comments for more info.
Anyway, I like it so far, despite never having actually played the game. I kinda agree that twilight seems ooc and over powered, but from what I can gather, this is set decades after the series and after celestia "betrayed" her, instead of listening for a full explanation due to the shock, she just assumed the worst and has yet to change her mind. She may very well be in the wrong, but we/she doesn't know that yet. As for the opness, it seems like the fights will just get harder since she can never use the same tactic twice, as evidenced by the boulder.
Also, I've noticed a few small grammatical errors. Here,
should be "and while I'm willing"
3982205 That doesn't invalidate or change any of my criticisms.