(This story is sci-fi, and somewhat different to regular FIM stories.)
Aneki's world was small. It was spherical, and it only took a day to gallop from one side to the other. She had been taught nothing existed outside the sphere, but she wasn't so sure about that. Perhaps her world was a bottle, a container in which ponies had fled to live. A time would come when she gained the opportunity to investigate these things first hoof, if she lived that long.
Wow this is very interstng I like were this story is going, that an it really has got me wanting more. keep up the good work friend
Parkour pony?
No pegasi, and... no magic either? Woah. And apparently she's some kind of cyberpony, since she has "fingers" in her hooves... This is getting more bizarre (and intriguing) by the minute!
Buh. No cyber. Some kind of genetic manipulation? Definitely intriguing...
And now, telepathy... huh. Does that mean they don't speak out loud at all?
...please tell me that's just the metal groaning under the stress of higher levels
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Only between the comms device and the wearer. Pony to pony remains vocal.
3782013 Ah.
Could you conjure up some kind of schematic or model of the Mane Way and the structure of the world? It's not quite clear from the description... I'm having trouble visualizing it
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The center section of the Mane Way. Also added above.
3783657 No, I mean, you say it's a sphere... but are they standing on a sphere, like, a small planet, with downwards gravity towards the center? Or is their 'surface' a flat disk, with a half-sphere of air above it and a half-sphere of "ground" below it? The whole structure of the world isn't clear to me. And that Mane Way seems like something to cover a flat disk surface...
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That was the Mane Way. Yes, it is a flat disk. Structure drawing is there now too.
Remember the title. Life IN a bottle. Aneki also comments on them living in a container that may be inside yet another container.
They are living inside a sphere, with a flat disk about half way up. That is their ground level reference. For a lack of a better comparison, they are an ants nest in a tennis ball, or a snow dome, or even The Truman Show. Whatever is causing gravity has it facing in a single direction, from the top of the dome, down to the very bottom of the underlevels. The diameter is under 20 miles (?). At the edge, their city creeps up the outer walls a few miles up, but not so high as to cause pressure/extreme cold problems for the ponies. In fact the temperature is very well regulated whatever height you are at. The disk itself is mostly covered by buildings stacked upon more buildings.
I have not mentioned a sun because there isn't one. Below ground level are the underlevels - effectively 10 miles of them, going straight down. The upper layers contain the typical under city workings, as well as evidence of old residential areas. The lower portions? Who knows, as no pony has been down there in living memory. The water must come from somewhere, Something is generating heat. Perhaps something is generating gravity too.
Being a sphere, the width directly affects the height, so sometimes I wonder if an egg shaped world or a cylinder would be better, or if I should just reduce the diameter, but I do want it BIG, and somewhat crowded. It is the mofo of all vaults/stables.
I added some clarification within the story itself (as well as found about a dozen @#$% errors that had somehow evaded the spelling detector).
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An ants nest in a tennis ball... I see. That explains nicely
Heehee. This kind of things is exactly what I love about your writing style
Reminds me of looking for caves in Minecraft by digging towards the sounds of moaning zombies, heh
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I've not played Minecraft, so any similarity is merely coincidental!
This story is good. It has my approval and guarantee of continued readership.
Ooh, intriguing!
And I'm pretty sure all of these hits were the reason you never reached very-terminal velocity, and in fact survived, hmm?
Ah, she's in shock. Yup, that's about how that feels.
Yup, clearly in shock. That fun state in which the pain in your body is dulled by dulling everything that goes through your mind. Been there, done that. Could pull myself out of it enough to think more clearly, but with that, the pain came back too. Not a fun experience
I see what you did there
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Indeed. Unintentional Parkour.
It would be more of a shock if she wasn't in shock.
I love that feel of coming back to the internet after not being able to access it for a while and finding one of your favourite stories has updated
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I love it when someone calls a story of mine one of their favorites
Well, that's a sobering thought
Actually, just a dome generally works pretty well... and that's still pretty much what it would be, with that description, no?
Wait, what? She isn't unstrapped already? That's.... kinda worrying, if you already got what is supposed to be his message urging you to escape?
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That is one of the two possibilities she must consider. Going that she thinks that the outside of H'ven could be vacuum (i.e. nothing) or possibly high pressure, the flat surface of a dome would be a major weakness. She's considering explosion or implosion as two reasons for the design to be spherical. They also know the walls curve inwards below ground level.
The message was to escape when given the opportunity.
My reasons behind this:
-4J2 was covering his ass from as many angles as he could. Arguably once given her final sedative injection, it wouldn't matter, but there are procedures to follow, as in all bureaucratic institutions.
-As the door still required unsealing before she could make a run, having her get up before it was opened would blow any chance she had.
3785280 I thought about a similar world some time ago, but ponies lived on the inward surface of the sphere, there was a sun in the center which generated heat (which was both sun/moon as it rotated), cold was coming from outside the sphere (radius was smaller where mountains were so it was hot in mountain areas), and everything was grey.
Typo?
Shouldn't that be "decent"?
Oh, and yay adventure!
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It would be. Apparently I played the game Descent too much.
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I started my original version of this 17 years ago. Aneki was an anthro pony, a go-between between humans and ponies. In that version, they lived on a small globe that rotated in a larger globe that formed the sky. It was a spaceship, with the engine inside the globe also forming gravity. That story concentrated more on "religious" politics though. The moon ran across the sky on rails! It was also a many times larger than H'ven - big enough to have countries.
This time the world is somewhat different.
This is the original Aneki:
https://www.deviantart.com/otherunicorn/art/Pony-Chronicles-80539539
3821932 The more the worlds, the better. There can be worlds where 3D space is a projection of abstract spaces, worlds with discreet coordinates, worlds where sun is driven by friendship... Worlds where Sun is a pony, where ponies can randomly divide or converge, worlds where there is no ground but clouds, worlds where ponies grow on trees, worlds where nets made of rainbows hang in the sky, or where multiple planets are attached to each other... worlds where objects are intelligent and ponies are not, worlds where each pony lives in three spaces and talks to ponies in each of them simultaneously...
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If we boil it right down, each and every one of us describes a different world, even when we think we are describing the same one simply because our imaginations are unique.
Besides, it would be boring if we all wrote about the same world all the time!
D'aww, Aneki's too cute/pretty/adorkable to die!
Wow! This is great. Reminds me of Ergo Proxy among other things. I hope the world won't be too OC-centered, but even if, Aneki is a good character. Onto the next chapter!
Fallout: Equestria
I really love this story.
Hah!
Oh boy, this is really sucking me in. If this was all posted at once, it'd be one of those tales I'd do an all-nighter for, 6 o'clock alarm clock for going to work be damned.
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I had a look at a bit of Ergo Proxy yesterday. I'd never heard of it before, but I can see what you mean!
She might need more things... I guess... something against nothing, something against something that likes something in the underground, something for not having to explain to her boss, and something against that something?..
I'm definitely liking the direction this is going and eagerly await future chapters!
Although two things in particular made me kinda stop and read them again:
slightly put me off, was that intended to be worded like that?
Also, you did the "descent"/"decent" thing again,
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No, that was a wording blunder! And elevators and spelling appear to not mix, as I spell decent wrong every time my character is near one!
Thanks.
Yay for parkour pony!
"Ann(e)", huh?
Huh, only noticed that now... they know Luna?
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To make it worse, the word "descent" doesn't even appear in the chapter
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Just short for Aneki. Yes, the similarity didn't go unnoticed by me.
That is what they call their artificial moon. The association is obvious. That there is no corresponding Celestia is of concern.
No, but an elevator does!
Aww, poor unicorns!
Scientists have eliminated one problem (probably, inability to evaluate durability of their project because of magic) by adding unpredictable technology. At least there weren't accidents like chimera outbreak from FOE...
If they're not yet afraid of that underground they have in the underground?
Strange that they haven't given them lots of other types of means of manipulation... fingers... why fingers?..
Huh? Why would there be other open doors leading straight into the elevator shaft?
By the way... why doesn't Aneki have a horn on the cover image?
Because she doesn't have a horn, she has a lump. By the sounds of it, the growth of the horn was stunted by the modifiers.
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She opened them. She propped them open with a bin. She jumped through the gap. They are still open.
I figured her horn would be small, and as she is embarrassed by it, she hides it in her mane.
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3911451
Ah. Makes sense
Heh heh, noooooo , not the fancy hat
Didn't see any glaring errors... I greatly enjoy your story.
I'm enjoying this quite a bit so far. I think my favorite thing (besides the spunky protagonist) is the way they have no incoming resources in the city, on account of being in a bottle. So they have to just re-purpose old paper and old recording tapes and such, over and over, forever. It's a cool rationale for why they don't have a running history.
I like this. I really do.
It's rather hard to focus people on OCs when writing fanfiction, but you've managed.
One has to wonder how they got systems that can pinpoint her position without pinging any external sources...
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One would presume the usual methods for the mapper/comms unit to work would be something like combined GPS and cell-phone repeaters. When power was off when Aneki was down on sub level 15, she was forced to use a direct connection as the comms system was not working. The mapper itself did continue to work. The GPS "satellites" are be built into the structure of H'ven itself.
That warrants clarification in the story itself:
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Hee. Yeah, that helps
It's a very interesting scenario/world you've created here; I'm quite looking forward to finding out what the answers are to the mysteries you've set up.
OMG YESSSS!!! UPDATES!!! Now to go read the awesomeness...