An Alternative Path: Lamentation for a Villain
An Alternative Path: Lamentation for a Villain
"Gonna have to try harder than that!" the mare laughed as she leaped to the side. The arrow flew harmlessly into the wall and clattered onto the floor.
"What's the matter, Ahuizotl?" Daring Do mocked as she tore open a small pouch hanging from her neck and split its contents. Formidable painted stallions armed with bows and spears found themselves dancing around the chamber as marbles rolled underhoof. "No death trap today? Or was that big pit in the other room suppose to be your big huzzah?"
The blue creature before her hissed and clutched the silver idol in his hands closer. "Stop her, you fools!" he screamed at his disoriented guards struggling to their feet. "Stop her, or you shall all suffer my wrath. The idol must not leave this place until the stars align!"
"Sorry, Ahuizotl-"
The creature had enough time to blink before the Pegasus appeared in front of him and placed a painful kick into his gut. The silver statue fell out of his grip and into Daring's outstretched hoof. She immediately deposited the statue into her pith helmet for safekeeping and set it back upon her head.
"-but I've got a schedule to keep. We'll have to stargaze on some other date."
Daring Do's smile grew as Ahuizotl knuckles paled as he tightened his fists. His entire body seem to quiver in rage. Ah, the teasing moments were her favorite part of these little adventures. A pity she rarely had time to enjoy them, Daring thought, noting the guards creeping up from behind her.
She sprung into the air, and with a few strokes of her powerful wings, she was hovering well above the reach of the thugs. Her exit in the form of a large ritualistic hole in the fortress ceiling caught her eye, and she sped towards it.
The warriors rushed forward, trying the best to stop or at least delay Daring's escape. Spears and knives and rocks were thrown haphazardly into the air. A particularly large stone crashed against the giant stone pillar in the center of the chamber. It wobbled for a minute before collapsing, and soon the rest of the mighty fortress began to shake. The guards looked to each other nervously, no longer concerned of their master's shrill orders to capture the escaping Pegasus.
Fresh air. Daring took a deep breath of the cool evening air as she hovered over the crumbling temple. "Another day, another dungeon," she whispered to herself. Landing on a cliff overlooking the temple, she allowed herself a brief rest and watched as Ahuizotl's fortress disappeared, leaving behind a ruin.
"Better luck next time, Ahuizoti!" she called, waving toward the giant pile of rubble and waiting for her last bit of reward. If it were anyone else beside Ahuizotl, Daring might have felt some guilt from taking so much pleasure in another's misfortune. Oh, but hearing the mad creature's screams of frustration, and his tantrums felt too good to be a sin. It was so hilarious, hearing his empty threats and useless rage.
It was adorable really, how hard the villain tried. Maybe one day she'd let the poor thing have a small victory. Nah.
Daring suddenly leaped into the air and spun around, her hooves up and ready. The ambush she had expected was not there. There were no tigers or panthers or leopards or kittens with switch-knives. Daring quickly scanned the treetops; perhaps an aerial assault. No, nothing there either.
Confused, she settle back down. Why did she feel so on edge then, she wondered. She wasn't in any immediate danger. She wasn't in any potential danger. What could possibly be the problem? Daring looked back to the ruins. Odd, Ahuizotl should have sworn revenge by now...
Ah, that was it. The silence, the lack of embittered wailing, the absence of enraged screams. What was taking Ahuizotl so long? What was he planning?
"Hey, honey? Are you alright?" Daring called toward the rubble. "Need a hoof?"
She expected to see a weak wave of a fist, to hear a groan. She received no answer.
"Tch, if you're not going to do anything, I'm going home!" she yelled. "No, serious. Say something funny otherwise this next book's gonna flop," she added a little quieter.
Daring began to pace, a universal sign of deep thought. Her pacing was interrupt every so often by a quick glance toward the former fortress.
"Okay, on one hoof this idea is total stupid," she muttered. "This is a trap and you know it. On the other hoof, I can't end a story like this. That's boring. Though I could always make something up, I guess," Daring considered, rubbing her chin. A second later she shook her head. "Nah, I can't make this stuff up. Ahuizotl's rants are a classic. They're too precious. No author could copy his style correctly." She sighed. "It's a trap. I know it's a trap. I'm falling into an obvious trap."
Daring took to the air and flew towards the ruined temple. She landed on one of the larger pieces. If a hand suddenly burst from beneath all the debris to grab at her, she would not have been surprised.
"Alright, Ally, you wanna play hide and seek, huh? This couldn't wait 'til morning?"
Silence answered her.
"Are you seriously playing hard to get? I'm telling you, that doesn't work for me."
Silence answered her.
Daring released a groan and began to shift rocks. "Stupid lazy monkey-cat-monster-thingy, making me dig him out..."
The small pile of rubble she had pushed aside grew. Pile became piles as Daring Do left her first dig site to another. And another.
"Archeology is very delicate work," Daring muttered in a high pitched mockery of her old professor. "You must always be careful, least you risk damaging valuable ancient artifacts." Another stone was tossed unceremoniously to the side. "Delicate my flank."
She wiped off the sweat from her brow and considered removing her soaked vest. The pith helmet would stay on however, especially considering how bright the sun was shining.
Wait, sun?
Daring looked up. There it was, that bright yellow orb.
"Huh, how long have I been out here?" She stifled a yawn and kicked at the debris. "Heh, too long, I know that mu-"
There! A dusty blue hand! Daring's eyes flew open and she jumped back. The hand did not reach for her neck or curl into a fist or even wave. It simply sat there, amidst the rocks.
Daring Do hesitated. She started forward, then immediately pulled back. "Come on, girl," she growl to herself. "You've come this far. I'm ready for anything. You hear that, Ahuizotl?" Daring shouted. "I'm ready for anything you try to pull!"
She began her task slowly at first, with all the finesse of a surgeon, carefully shifting debris to the side. Her patience soon wore thin, however, and rocks quickly filled the air as Daring threw them away in every direction, until, finally, the rest of Ahuizotl's curious blue body had been excavated.
"Well...well..." Daring huffed, catching her breath. "Well...what do you have to say for yourself, hmm? Making me do all this work before breakfast?"
Apparently nothing; Ahuizotl didn't even stir.
"Oh, the silent treatment now? Real mature."
A finger twitched! Daring leaped into the air, ready for action, just as the passing breeze died away, as did the movement she thought she saw.
"H-hey, Ally? You sleeping?" Cautiously, she approached. "You know, you kinda look like a large stuffed animal when you sleep. Did you know that? Well, anything to say?"
Daring took another tentative step closer. "Still nothing? Did this idol really mean that much?"
She stood right next to the unmoving creature now. Again, she began to pace, muttering to herself.
"If you wake up right now, we'll both be starting some awful days," she said, leaning forward. None to gently she push Ahuizotl's unmoving body onto his back and set an ear on his chest. She blinked and rubbed the inside of her ear, trying to banish any obstructing wax. She lean forward again.
"This is where your heart is, right? 'Cause I can't hear...well..."
Daring lifted her head and moved closer, dangerously closer, to Ahuizotl's face and listened.
"No breathing...no heartbeat...diagnosis..."
Daring pushed away and closed her eyes. She sighed. "Well, you can probably guess the diagnosis, huh?"
Her lips twisted into a small, humorless smile. "Never thought it'd end like this. Call me naive but I was kinda hoping for a happy ending. You know, hero saves the world, gets the boy, yadda yadda yadda. Man, and I had this entire redemption arc planned out. Heh, guess it was never meant to be.
"I have no idea what I'm going to tell my publisher. Can't exactly say, oh the villain's dead so no more adventures oh and by the way it was all real." Daring sat back down, next to her most dreaded foe. "Don't worry, I'll think of something.
"I don't think I'll stop writing. Maybe I'll start a new series, sci-fi or mystery or..." Daring suddenly grinned devilish at the body next to her. "How does erotica sound?"
She laughed, a short barking sound. "Ha, me, write romance. Well, it definitely won't be based off my own experiences, so you've got nothing to worry about."
The laughter faded. A shadow fell over Daring's features, and she grew solemn. "I'm going to miss Daring Do," she said. "I'll miss the adventures, the danger..." She set a hoof in the limp hand of her most hated enemy.
"I think I'm going to miss you most of all," Daring whispered, blinking away tears before they could grow heavy and fall. "I'm not the kind of pony who lives in the past, not after...well, our first tango...but I'll never forget you, our time together, I promise.
"Thanks, Ahuizotl, for making this all possible."
Daring Do brushed her lips against her villain's wide forehead, then pressed her lips against his.
"Good bye."
The End
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3770482
Who?
And now we see how it would have been if he had died...
Dang...
But this chapter was just...
25.media.tumblr.com/3b1a88765c2e38b7b3d221e4fdf7e9a8/tumblr_mo9djh3cgt1qeb7kho4_500.gif
3792953
Was it really that horrible?
3794196 It was sad not horrible.
Oh dear, I think this got to me more than the first chapter.
Both are so sad!
Even so, it's still well written!
Noooooo! I want more but I realize there's nothing more to write!
3770482 Don't insult this author by mentioning Paulo Coelho! I'm from the country this maggot of a "writer" comes from. His ego-stroking is stuff of legends and his schizotypia should have him locked for life!
3966239
3770482
I've only read The Alchemist so I don't know too much about the author and his works but I honestly have no idea how why I'm being compared to him.
3770482
Wait, oh, now I get it. Yeah, that was a reference to The Alchemist.
[youtube=fUcqoX4WDtM]
Very nice,
You did a great job with Daring and Auitozuli's love hate relationship.
Need a chapter three where they get married and live as a bickering couple.
"...suffer my wraith?"
3968184
Thanks for catching that.
The feels they burn!
I think I like the Ahuizotl ending better, it gives me hope.
3967565 I guess that works. I just really like the idea of Ahuizotal planning traps for Daring Do, imagining how she would get past them, imagining the snappy taunts and composing a suitable rant then writing it all down to publish it under her name to keep her memory alive.
3968029
I love the idea that they still fight over ancient relics despite being married.
"CURSE YOU, DARING DOOO! ...We're still going to that restaurant tomorrow night, right?"
Don't worry. The followers will find a way to resurrect one or the other.
Not bad. Both kinda fall apart toward the end, the alternative path more so than the original. I could chalk up the conclusion of the latter to Ahuizotl going insane from the sight and the thought of his nemesis lying dead before him (and it works really well in that regard), but the former feels more like an inferior "mirror image" and doesn't explore the premise quite as well.
Still, this was a good read. Well done!
The original path is much better I think but I would be really interested in a story about Ahuizoti's quest for those things to resurrect her.
3969513 I... third a chapter three, now.
Wow ...
this was good.
this has been sitting in my read later queue for awhile and i finally got around to reading it. it was an enjoyable read, very well written
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
I have such a deep desire for a happy ending to this. Man I don't read sad stories often but this was so good.
What!? Two sad endings, but not an in-between ending that ends up with a more cliche/positive ending? Ah, what I'd give for a "both Daring and Ahui are gravely injured and verbally fight as they lay dying" ending...
...basically, a converging of the two chapters, lol.
3998242
A friend of mine is actually writing a fic where Azzie and Daring give it up, that all the death traps and temples was their idea of romance, and it was time to settle down.
3761411
3998233
I feel heat hearing this in a faux Hispanic accent might ruin the atmosphere of the story, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Weird. But fun.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5331266
Yep.
This is a really good story. I found it looking for The Writing on the Wall.
Now, for the copy-editing:
There is a double space between these sentences.
I liked this. (Yep, detailed comment there, Logan.) The first chapter more than the second, though I can see why you put them both together. Fits surprisingly well with the feel of (the better parts of) the G. M. Berrow Daring Do books, actually.
The feels man!!!
Why doesn't this have a 'Tragedy' tag? I mean there's no happy ending and two deaths, TWO!
3968184 Wraith?
Wraith?
What do the blasted space vampires of the Pegasus Galaxy have to do with this?
Fantastic story, thanks for writing
Know what I would've loved? An interval chapter, depicting Ahuizotl's journey to bring her back, as was implied in the first chapter. And then him discovering the only way he can do that is by *gasp* sacrificing himself! Unthinkable!
And then this one. That would've made it perfect for me.
Is this a ponified, slightly different version of your typical afternoon at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated? Except that Ahuizotl is Dr. D, and Daring is Perry. ‘Darry/ Agent D’
A semi aerial, pegasus pony of action fighting a draconequus thingy. With the monologue and everything!
Dang even on the next chapter Daring was also devastated that her greatest foe is dead she felt empty so in a nutshell both of them are pretty sad for each other going to the fact that one is dead dang that's pretty sad that this was a pretty good story keep up the good work
11604270
Doesn't matter. Is this AU? I don't see Alternate Universe tag. And with this comes a question. How do you LOVE your freacking enemy?! "Curse you, Daring Do! I will have my REVENGE!" Leaving her on a wall, with rising water and piranhas. Or just generally many times they fight before that.
Maybe you wanted to say something about that:
That's BANTER. I severly DOUBT that they ACTUALLY love each other. If they did - they would not tried to KILL each other through all the encounters. The "Daring Doubt" is SUCH BULLSHIT. Because it goes AGAINSt the 800 years of heat in EARLIER episodes!!! Writers are DIPSH*TS, for trying to make this blue ape a GOOD guy.
11604311
late reply because i only saw this after rereading
jesus christ dude, calm the fuck down, this is FAN FICTION; it is not made to be taken as canon to MLP
the lack of the AU tag is because it's only made for fics that heavily deviate from canon; eg: advanced or modern human technology like phones, R63, RGRE and so on
even if you really do have a point, do you have to shit on the author like that for it? there are lots of stories i dislike due to it being OOC, but i dont harass their authors over it
if you cant get over things like this, you must really hate a lot of stories here
also i love how you censored dipshit while you left bullshit
11676068
I SHIT on the author - because canon is already bullsh*t enought. How is Ahuizotle a GOOD guy? Don't continue this line. I mean, have you MISSED his ESTABLISHING CHARACTER moments? 800 years of heat, revenge... Ahuizotle was MADE a BAD guy, how is he GOOD?
11676090
i never said that he is a morally good character, just that theres nothing wrong with the fact that he can be in fanfiction
i wont try forcing you to like it, its your opinion after all; but christ, dont go this ballistic over this; its only just a fanfic about two characters from a fucking kids show
(yes, i am aware i am on a website about said kids show, i am also weird)
11676198
The problem here, the one thing I can't let go, is when he is SHOWN to be GOOD.
He SAID, OUT LOUD, that he would BURN the JUNGLE. 300 hundred years of "unrelenting, sweltering heat". "I will have my revenge". What kind of MORON decided that he can be good after that?!
I liked another take on that, one that he PLAYED the villain. I can link it to you, if you want. Or I can simply spoil, if you are not interested in reading.