• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Twinkletail


I write poni. I am easily distracted. I like Oreos.


E

Daring Do is on a quest to recover the Ruby of Raksamakesh! As always, she's prepared for every situation she could think of as she approaches the labyrinth where it is located. That doesn't help when she comes up across something she couldn't have expected; a monster who's...slightly more inept than what she's used to.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 23 )

Dear Princess Celestia,
I have found a friend who is totally incompetent at anything he tries, and is now unemployed. Could you help him find a job?
-- Daring

Dear Daring Do,
Of course I can. I run the government. We have hundreds of job positions that will fit your friend perfectly. Bring him by whenever you want, and he can start the same day.
-- Celestia
P.S. As long as you're still sneaking me the early release copies of your books, that is.

I'm not used to cuteness from a Daring Do fic, but it was executed quite well here. Good work. :twilightsmile:

The world needs more treasure-guarding monsters with fanny packs.

Nicely done.

Congratulations, you made me feel like I'm not the most incompetent supposedly evil creature in the world.

Now I'm sad that I'm not the absolute most incompetent supposedly evil creature in the world. While the goldfish were a nice touch, I personally use rabid sea monkeys myself. Hasn't exactly stopped heroes from trying to put a sword through my eye, but the minor itching and chafing is horrible while it lasts.

Why is this not an episode?!:raritystarry:

This is really charming. Sweetly and simply told, it feels like a missing episode of the show itself. Great stuff!

7569225 I find myself enjoying your story comments almost as much as I enjoy your stories :rainbowlaugh:

Good job on this; it feels like something out of the show. Almost reminds me of the CMC becoming friends with Troubleshoes.

Comment posted by VanillaWaffle deleted April 25th

That could easily have passed Fanfiction and gone straight to "storybook".

7569225
Dear Daring Do,
Thank you so much for recommending me for this job in Canterlot! It's strange work, though. Snooty ponies in fancy clothes keep coming to me and asking for favors. I try my hardest to help, but somehow it always ends up with something on fire and the snooty ponies yelling at me. But every time I tell Princess Celestia about this, she smiles and tells me I'm doing a great. Still, this is the best job I've ever had.
Friends forever,
Incompetaur

My dearest Incompetaur,
Your letter to Daring Do came to me by mistake. How, exactly, did you send that letter? I thought this particular address could only be reached via dragon fire. In any case, I forwarded your letter to Daring's correct address.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

7572053
To: Celestia
From: Ender
C, this is an Incompetaur. Enough said.

Fun story...but...um...

It drags right around when she meets Ahuizitol. The problem is, past that point, you've reached the effective 'climax' of the arc. The rest is just a relatively well done 'beat the bad guy'. Think of it like the obligatory action sequence in a Cartoon show. Lots of stock footage, lots of banging around, but not a TON of meaning. You know the hero's gonna get out, so unless it's VERY well done, it's kinda cliche.

Really, the momentt he agreed to be her friend, the story was over. Unless you put in a final subversion or something....well, that was it.

(And, I saw the ropes actually holding).

7572710

OH GOD! I've become the guy who can't enjoy action anymore because he's seen too much! NOOOOO!!!!

7572713
Haha, well I appreciate the criticism either way! Everything beginning with meeting Ahuizotl felt harder to get down than the first half, so that could probably be why. I knew where I wanted to get; it was just a matter of nailing the details and hoping it came out acceptable.

7572925
I think what Mitchell is saying is that he can't appreciate it from the comedy perspective.
This fic has the bare essentials to classify it as an adventure fic, but the main highlight is the comedy! Please don't be swayed by mitchells cynicism, the story is great!
The traps are hilarious, and while I feel the Incompetaur's pity party was a bit forced, you accented it with Daring Do actually calling that out and still deciding to help him. This is a concept I haven't seen before, so I wouldn't call it cliche at all! The only part where that even came close to cliche, you went in a completely different direction! I expected the Incompetaur to confront Ahuizotl with his aforementioned strength and save the day. This is a common pitfall a lot of writers fall in. The "meek, incompetent character with a heart of gold has insane strength and learns to get violent when protecting those close to him" has been done a thousand times.

Instead, you went the "meek incompetent character with a heart of gold and insane strength gets clever and gets stronger through wit to outsmart his opponents by trusting in a good friend." The main selling point for me is that you took his brawn not brains approach and turned it into him getting smarter by trusting his new friend. Even more than that I believe it worked out because it fit in with his naive trusting nature and really showed how a good friendship can take someone's weakness and turn it into a great strength, rather than a bad friendship hurting everyone involved. That alone made this fic not only totally interesting, but actually makes me want a series based off of these two's shenanigans. Great potential for either a rom-com or an adventure comedy series depending on your cup of tea.

You, sir, have received a like, fav and a follow. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. :pinkiesmile:

very clever ending!

the title reminded me of an old story, somebody "and the Boring Beast"...no, the beast didn't make holes in things, it talked about boring things in a boring voice that made everyone fall asleep-including the head villain!

7572925

I understand. It's less that I couldn't appreciate it from a comedy perspective, and more that it felt like, well...Tacked on. The "Climax" of the story is when it reaches a dramatic resolution.

TO describe my feelings...if you cut out Aza...what's his name ou entirely...the story would actually still be satisfying. You'd have fun comedy, Daring Do would have made a new friend, and everyone could still go home happy. Instead, the entire second half feels like it becomes a different fic. And, honestly? A less interesting one. That said...

You've made a great, fun character. And I love the fic for that. Faved and liked. :)

7579014 I'm not sure you can have a Daring Do adventure that doesn't have Ahuizotl in it, though. It's like a law of the universe.

7805925

You keep him offscreen. :) The story ends when she goes to confront Aziwhatsit.

This was cute and heartwarming. Only thing missing is budding romance in a sequel. Daring does seem the kind to appreciate a nice, strong and deodorant using minotaur :ajsmug:

Login or register to comment