• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
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Flashgen


Struggling to edit and write, and starting to read.

T

After a few days of business, Twilight goes to the Canterlot library to unwind and study, but as she prepares to leave, she finds herself locked inside of a reading room. At first she assumes it is the act of an aspiring prankster, but as stranger and stranger things happen, she begins to question the likelihood.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 23 )

Nice, the build up was good and the use of ink over blood was a good choice, more important since it was Twilight. The end was a little bit dry, though. Too many try to be creepy with the end by writing "I hoped it would end soon/ I hoped it wouldn't hurt" etc, and that's become a cliche. Perhaps if you had ended it with the blackness actually being a load of ink that slowly gloobed down onto Twilight and sucked her in as we watch her strangled attempts to move as the thick ink invades her throat and mushes her coat, the air being forced deeper into her own body as the ink traps it causing her to bloat despite the vast pressure around her, pulling, pushing, grabbing, killing...

Huh, I don't remember painting my ceiling black.

Creepy yo. I liked it though.

3351973

To be honest, I'd considered an ending similar to that, but something just drew me to the idea of leaving the end a little more open.

3351973 Oh, don't worry, it's probably Fernando painting again.

Hopefully, he's finished moving the piano...

Hmm, perhaps a bit too linear in some places, but otherwise an innovative story. An ambiguous ending is fine, in my opinion, although I agree with Lolsternater's comment: the last line is somewhat of a let down. But that's more of a question concerning taste than an actual weak point.
I was expecting that Twilight would find herself trapped in one of the books in the end, although I guess that interpetation could be valid as it is.

On a more general point, I was hoping more descriptions about Twilight's feelings and thoughts. Just making Twilight talk to herself leaves that side of the story's atmosphere a bit poor, although staying true to the charachter is fine, too. Also, I noticed how the majority of your sentences were quite conventionally structured (they usually begin with the subject), which gives a monotonous impression, at least to me. But, on the other hoof, my sentences in English usually are incomprehensible because of the structure I'm trying to impose on them, so perhaps you should just ignore what I'm saying on that regard...

Anyhow, all around a well written horror fic. Nice touch with the letters saying "Hello". Good luck with the competition!

I'm just going to nod and say yes...yes:facehoof:

I just read the first one and it already made me scared.
Good one!
And I like the idea that some higher being trapped Twilight inside there to examine her.
Something happening like that is the perfect personal horror for Twilight, it fit's perfect!

Creeeeepy...

3354407 i liked this one,, lthough the whole, traped in a room is not my thing, i did enjoy it. so yeah! thanks for sharing it :)

also, the ending leave me thinking... maybe the eldritch thing, was twilight herself?
after going alicorn, and in time she goes mad and gets corrupted and she becomes something like discord and fucks up everything.
and say, she "reworked" star swilr's time travel spell, to fuck up the past as well? and she starts whit herself because why not? it would fit whit the selection of the reading-room of all other places.

i mean, it would suit a omnipotent deranged twilight to disect herself out of curiosity.

Reminds me of 1408. :twilightblush:

2

Looks like I won't be visiting any libraries for a while.

:twilightoops: Oh, dear lord... I'm never going to a library again.












































...tHe DaRkNeSs AwAiTs. ThE dArKnEsS hUnGeRs. ThE dArKnEsS cRaVeS yOuR sOuL. tHe DaRkNeSs Is ThE tRuE mAsTeR oF aLl...

3354407

Why did you add me in this fic? Though good use of me as a omnipresent darkness that traps the afflicted inside a room they feel comfort in until the time comes to show them that they are truly and wholly dominated but still.

Why did you use my steam form?

Is a joke.

But lately I've been told on steam whilst playing horror games that I can be a truly horrific experience to deal with when I pop out of a doorway 3 feet infront of you and you just shit yourself cause you keep thinking I was a zombie or something what with all the scrabling around and crap I do just to set people's nerves off.

Very well done, it was taking on a creepy horror tone at the beginning/middle, but just gently enough that, depending on one's perceptions, could go unnoticed and render this not very scary or incredibly creepy along the lines of which you would never want to go near in a thousand years.

It seemed to start to lack this as it entered the final paragraphs, in my opinion, and seemed to get a bit rushed. .. That or I started skimming again to see what happens.

Regardless, it was an excellent read! Very creepy, very worthy of the horror/thriller genre.

tH3 v01D




iTS
watching meeeeeeeeEEEEE EE3EEE3EEE3EEE3E333E3E33E-E333E-33~*
~ERROR-ERROR 6TH643WJHGDTG -PR1M4RY C0R3 DR1V3 F41LUR3- G6788864D67G4ECXSE C00L4NT T4NKS F41L1NG- H74JN238DN2238NEU.EXE -3XE-PR0GR4MS 4R3 3SC4P1NG QU4R1NT1NE- HGUR7E -C0R3 0V3RH34T M3LTD0WN 1N 10... 9... 8... SSKKRRTTTCCHH~





*MUFFLED EXPLOSION*

I knew I avoided libraries for a reason.

The Library is perfectly safe they said
You'll be fine they said.

Someone call the Ghostbusters! Or at least someone who can clean all this sticky ink...

Creepy concept.

Getting some serious Twilight Zone vibes from this. Good job!

This seems like the work of a pre-reform Discord.

Great story, can I do a reading of this story?

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