• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen May 5th

DEI Caboose


At some point you must have thought to yourself "I could break into that house and nobody would know it was me."

T

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I woke up today to find that everypony I have ever known has vanished. I'm alone in the world.


Help me.


Audio reading by Crafty Arts.
Audio reading by Monanniverse.
Audio reading by GutiuSerenade.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 46 )

Liked + favorited. Very eerie and unsettling. Good job! :twilightsmile:

Nifty!

To make a suggestion, I may have added one last entry where whatever it was manages to get through, Twilight screams, and then gets cut off. Also, I'd just stick to the horror and mystery tags and leave the other two out.

Otherwise, a good bit of horror here that leaves plenty to the imagination.

7048019 I just felt like it was a case of less is more, plus I wanted to leave it up to the reader to determine if whatever it was got in or not.

7048005 Thanks to you both.

7048019 I prefer the story to cutoff to be where it was, as it opens up a few options:

1) It's a monster (sorta like Chuthulu) and kills Twilight. End of Story.
2a) It's simply the other ponies, but invisible to Twilight. Would explain everything just as well.
2b) Same as 2a), but instead it's meerly Twilight's head messing with her, and everypony else are in another dimention. This one would be most logical, as it would explain the "madness" of Twilight, as well as why she feels she's "being watched"

Anywho, great story. Have a like and a favorite

7048279 I'll tell you, one of those is my interpretation, if a bit more unsound.

The first half of the story, I was thinking this was sort of a reverse Langoliers scenario where the world fell through a time rift, and Twilight was for whatever reason the only one unaffected.

Maybe make a mention of the actual animals as well. I'm assuming they disappeared too but something to point out.

7048301 Forgot one more:

3) It's another pony, but Twilight didn't notice him/her until now :pinkiehappy:

Noo Pimkie No Rann

lh3.googleusercontent.com/-riMIyClAjQU/UVOPZhn6_sI/AAAAAAAAAMk/tZjUxO25A2Q/w426-h459/tumblr_inline_mh78felAqb1ru5g9k.png

I did notice in Canterlot a lot of discarded items on the streets; wallets, the occasional top hat, all things ponies usually carry around with them, all just lying in the street like litter.

Either it's the Rapture, or we're on the set of the Langoliers.

What's accomplished by leaving me behind?

Maybe you're the one displaced?

but seeing as I'm alone that shouldn't be a problem.

orig05.deviantart.net/cb79/f/2011/079/3/9/tempting___fate_by_andarion-d3c2qdg.jpg

Really liked this story. Also really unsettling, as it is creeping up my nerves. Great job on this!!

So, uh, did Twilight forget that she can teleport? Along with all her other abilities?

I like it. Don't change a thing.

For the 'You Are Mine', did you make that yourself, or use a specific font?

Creepy story. Have a Like. :twilightsmile:

Oooh, creepy! Very well done despite a few grammatical nitpicks - which, on a second pass, I'm not convinced aren't intentional. Ia, Ia, Zalgo Fthagn, and all that :P

Just one thing: the sun and moon are still moving? So if Celestia and Luna are still around, and so is Twilight, didn't she spot the thread? Why did she not think to look for Cadance?

Unless, of course, that's all part of the [REDACTED]...

7048019

Or if you want to go for an even creepier feel, have Twilight make an eerily calm entry about everything being fine, and saying goodbye.

Interesting read nonetheless, though...

Noo Pimkie No Rann

You may want to fix that. :twilightsheepish:

7053240

Pimkie and rann was intentional, I didn't write it, Twilight did.

7053344

aahhh, clever. alright.

This is terrifying. I really wonder what the hell happened, and who is outside waiting for Twilight.

You did a very good job with this.

This story reminds me of Lovecraft in a good way. The horror isn't stated. Rather, its implied.

That's far more effective. This story was incredible.

Shivers A great, terrifying story! Absolutely great :pinkiehappy: Keep getting better:ajsmug:

I am too use to ruckus

You might wanna change that to "used to":twilightsheepish: Just saying >3<

7048051 Mind if I write a sequel that is my interpretation of what happens next and bring some sort of solution to this mystery?

7059411 Go right ahead! Quite flattered honestly. I can't wait to read it.

7059543 It won't be in first person though :twilightsmile:

7059556 No problem, do you mind PMing me when you publish it? Just so I know so I can read it myself.

7051376 For that, I literally just googled "scary font" or something like that and got lucky.

I rarely come across good horror on this site. The only other examples I can think of are A Haunting Nightmare and In the Corner of Our Eyes.

Yikes! That was scary!:twilightoops: Get a like, fav and...DAMMIT! You triggered my imagination now I am afraid of everything...For the next hour..Well good job!

This was intresting. Will there be a sequel by yourself some time?

7303443 Probably not, I prefer the story being left in mystery and up to interpretation, I feel like any sort of continuation would ruin that.

Maybe a side story about another character? But at the moment I have no plans for this.

7306056

Maybe this other character find Twilight´s records? ;-)

This story has so much potential for a sequel! Twilight have enough supplies to survive some time , and if the 'Thing' goes away at sunrise or something else , there will be so much space for explore more of the surrounding area.

in my small opinion , this story was less scary but so interesting because of the things that may happen. If you worry about ruin the mystery , whats about a sequel that create more questions then answers?

Why does everyone always assume that everyone has vanished when the more likely scenario is that you have been vanished?

This was good. I've always wanted to write a good dark horror story. This gives me an idea...

Okay so what the hell was it and why was everyone missing? I really hate when folks leave stories with such an asinine ending and no questions answered.

The more questions left unanswered, the better.

wlam #35 · Sep 9th, 2016 · · 4 ·

Hopefully it's not too frustratingly ambiguous.

It's too short to really be anything else. "A thing happens because. *random spooky phrase*" isn't really scary in the proper sense. You need to hint at what's really going on enough that people's imagination can start filling in the blanks. This is all blank, though, and as written, it might be either the apocalypse, a dream, an alien abduction or an elaborate prank. That this is all pretty much equally possible and likely makes it have no real emotional impact.

7551445 To be fair, it is written from Twilight's perspective so the ambiguity is completely intention seeing as she has no idea what going on either. To me, there's more horror in what you don't or can't know than if it all became clear by the end. But then again I wrote this ages ago so maybe I'm just trying to justify poor writing.

7656584 Don't know how but I completely missed this comment. I'll be sure to add it to the description.

Thanks a lot!

*sigh and shivers*

Liked it. Good softcore Horror.

Very nice short story. Reminded me of something you’d see in an episode of Doctor Who actually.

It comes in, and it gives her cuddles. Twilight's happiness restores everypony to the world.

Why in the living hell did I imagine Gaster being the dude taking everyone away, and the video with screamed dude, I imagined Gaster at the freaking door to the basement. I play too Mach undertale.:pinkiecrazy:

Would you care if I used this for a fanfic involving my oc? It would be mainly my idea, but in your setting.

ARRRGGHHH I NEED TO KBOW WHO WAS TRYING TO BREAK IN PLEASE

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