- Member Since 26th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 2nd, 2023
Tomsketchit
I am a writer dabbling in many genres. I only write what I love, and can only hope for others to love it the same. This is usually no the case.
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Not a fan of humanxpony, but this was pretty good!
for you!
3449461
Me neither, honestly. But there's a good reason that this fic was written as one.
Namely, someone on a forum showed me that image up there, and mentioned how she might need someone's hands to help with those back pockets. That got the wheels turning in my head, and...
Well, you've just seen for yourself how that turned out.
Thank you!
Wow...great story dude...you get the slow clap for this great story and a fave. Keep up the good work.
I will be the first to shamefully admit that I liked this story.
YES! I was hoping someone would write something like this, with a pony wearing jeans and the pockets thing. So thank you very much for writing this!
I saw the title and instantly had this stuck in my head.
3449516 3449528 3449645
Thanks! It means a lot to me to hear that!
duuuude. such romance, much story, wow. Seriously, fuckin loved it.
You know, for a couple of words and an image acting as a guide, you made a real good story!
3.bp.blogspot.com/-2EpV6N_s9Ec/T3WVDUviMTI/AAAAAAAAANw/h97YMMAwbCg/s1600/Fluttershy%2Bseal%2Bof%2Bapproval.png
3450806
Heh, first time I've ever gotten an anything of approval. Thanks!
It says incomplete up there is it done or will there be more?
Stupid detail-obsessed mind... I can't stop thinking how utterly useless back pockets would be for a pony...
3451279
Whoops! Sorry about that! Fixed now. Thanks!
I liked the story and the build-up, but sadly, the clop wasn't all that great. It felt far too rushed and bland, but other than that, good job.
Also, during the clop scene where the MC gets to take action, you misspelled, "plump" and made it "plumb."
You began to pump deeper, thrust harder, and as you fucked her, you reached down and gave those plumb ass cheeks a squeezed, making her moan once more.
3451744
Thanks for the critique and the correction! I'll fix that right away.
Also, sorry about the clop. The focus was of the story was more on the romance, and I am frankly still pretty new to writing clop scenes.
Woo hoo! Feature box. Way to go, man!
There's a little bit of switching from second-person perspective to first-person perspective: "when it was obvious we weren't splitting up, she conceded that the love we shared was true". Also, there's no way in hell I'm giving up meat entirely since the pigs and the chickens don't talk. Other than that, it was a fun read.
3452020
Fixed, thanks!
3452008
I know, right? Couldn't have done it without you, of course!
3451542
You kidding? This story illustrates the one and only good use for them.
Having an excuse to grab dat ass.
3451838 In that case why not write just a romance story? The buildup was quite decent and I wouldn't have missed the clop, to be honest. However, if you tag your story 'sex' and 'mature' people expect things to get steamy. Then, when the steam dissipates after a few sentences, people will be disappointed and you won't get as many favs as you deserve.
wtf did i just read
3452219
narwhaler.com/original/dr/r/its-so-true-discord-my-little-pony-DRr2Uc.jpg
I made it about a quarter of the way down and lost interest. Its like a carbon copy of any other Dash/Human clop story...
3452219
Honestly, that was the initial plan. But once I started working on the groping scene... well, lets just say my imagination began to get the better of me, and I changed the "Teen" tag to "Mature".
3452258
The product of me getting turned on by a picture of a pony with a large plot in tight jeans.
3452277
Yeah... In my defense, I've never only read one HumanXDash fic, and it was pure clop. I have never actually read a romantic ship between them. Also, this was just a 'fun' (read, stressful) little experiment that turned out decent in the end, and apparently people thought it was good. So there's that.
3452267 was there ever any doubt?
3452315 I can certainly understand that. Chubby poneh butt is da bes...
Honestly though, I think the scene had potential, it's just unusual to skip foreplay. Also, since the plot was the focus of the plot, ziiiing, you could have been a bit more descriptive when the action started. And if all else fails there is always anal... allthough for some reason Applejack is always the anal fetishist in my headcanon. I wonder why.
3452390
I dunno... I guess in my headcannon, Dash tends to rush these sort of things, preferring to dive right into it and bang it out as fast as possible. I only say this because this is the second time I written her in a sex scene where she sort of rushed through it rather forcefully. Ah well, maybe if more people comment on that, I'll change it, but for now I have other matters to attend to.
(Also, perhaps your headcannon stems from the fact that AJ uses her hindlegs a lot more, giving her rear a heavier work out and thus... I don't know... making her like her butt? Meh, that's all I got!)
EDIT: Also, I still have a limited experience when it comes to clop writing, so I'm just working with it the best that I know how really.
3452390 This was actually the second story I've read (though I haven't read it yet, I plan to) that had a really interesting prologue to the sex, then skipped foreplay and went straight to the action, the first one being this.
Is this some sort of new trend? Wonderful writing that goes into an out-of-place clop scene?
3452746
To my knowledge, it isn't a trend. If you'll look to the response directly below your comment, I believe I sum up what was going through my head at that point.
EDIT: I've actually read that story before. My guess is that it is popular to portray Dash as wanting to get right into the action. Or maybe that's just me in this fic. I dunno, I just did what felt appropriate.
3452783 You really shouldn't just let your imagination run wild when it comes to writing clop from a sensual story, though.
What would have been better is keeping it "Teen", and instead of an outright clop-scene, it could've been some sensual foreplay, with emphasis on dialogue and physical sensations, before one of them stops before things go "too far". For stories with well-written prologues, there's a disturbing lack of foreplay, when truth be told, sometimes it can be more erotic than actual clop, depending on how well-written it is.
3452845
Interesting...
So, what you are suggesting is that I cut out that whole clop scene - leaving only the groping, foreplay-ish scene before that - and then change it so that instead of having them going inside, I find someway to cut it off there (or perhaps just reference that they may have gotten in bed with each other, I've seen plenty of fics do that) and adjust accordingly?
If so, then that does sound doable, though I'm somewhat hesitant to make such a change after it has already gathered this amount of attention.
Perhaps I will go through with that if more people voice similar opinions. So far only about three or four people have, the majority being fine with it the way it is.
I just don't know.
3452882 Well, keeping it sensual is the key for a well-written scene. The transition needs to feel seamless, natural in execution as a sign of the professionalism of the author.
Does that mean I'm saying "Give up on the clop"? No, of course not! If I said that, that would go against what I stand for in authors improving their craft (that they should always strive to improve). Instead, look at a few stories with sensual clop in them and see how they're written, then come back in a second chapter with your newfound knowledge. Heck, you could even utilize another means of sensual foreplay to start things off, or explain how nervous either individual would likely be at the idea of "going further".
This sounds an awful lot like I'm trying to "push a notion", but here's the question I'll ask: Do you want this to be "a clopfic", or do you want this to be "a story"? Ask yourself that, and when you have your answer, you'll know what to do.
3452955
I...
I'll have to think on that. Now I definitely want to change that scene.
Problem for me is that I have tried reading stuff like that, and I just can never quite seem to get it.
Of course, a big issue for me is a lack of experience.
But still, I'll be working on this... not soon, probably, because this story was enough of a headache as is, and I have other projects that need attention, but yeah... thanks for the feedback and advice.
3452994 Well, hey, if you've got the time, I once worked as an editor for a second-person story featuring sensual clop, so if you want some inspiration on buildup, you could always try this...
Even if you don't seek to change this, you could always try a story with a "similar premise", and give it your all, as if allowing your followers, and yourself, to compare the two styles side by side. Worst case scenario, you come to an early conclusion, best case scenario, your writing style improves vastly, and you become all the more inspired and experienced as an author.
Either way, what've 'ya got to lose?
And I'll provide a proper proofread and review sometime in the future. Bank on it.
You do realize that Fluttershy takes care of carnivores, and feeds them meat, right? God, if there is anything that is out of character for Flutters, it would be that trope. If anything, Fluttershy would be the most sensitive and probably offer to supply you with meat.
How I felt about this fic:
/5
myfacewhen.net/uploads/4767-dat-ass.jpg
3454027
Sorry. As I've said before, focus was more on the romance and the plot (in more ways than one) than the clop. Sorry to disappoint.
3454170
Thanks!
Never before have I had a story receive so much attention and likes in such a short period of time.
It's extremely flattering, and I can't help but feel a little amount of pride in this.
But... (WARNING: Rant incoming!)
Really people? Really?
I mean, yes, this fic is decent, but it's far from deserving the Feature Box.
I should know. I wrote it.
And I wrote it just as a fun little experiment to see if I could.
And now that I'm done, I'm never doing a story like this again.
Second-person is a bitch, it took me way too long to write this (I spent probably half a month writing this), and the clop scene is sub-standard for me (not that I write good clop in the first place, but still).
The only thing I liked a lot about this fic was the groping scene. That was hot. And that was supposed to be the main focus of the story, I just decided that I should throw all that other stuff in there because I should.
Anyway, self-deprecating rant over, return to your normal fanfic viewing. Nothing to see here.
3454330
Your story sucked.
HAPPY NOW!?
You were going to touch her butt!
Sorry, had to do it
This was hawt and fun
3454369
Give me a reason why so I can improve, then maybe I will be.
Unless of course you were being sarcastic. In which case, I did say nothing to see here.
Just wanted to get that out of my system and move on to the next piece of
trashclop I write.3454430
First... I was being sarcastic. Sorry if I offend.
Second... there's ALWAYS something to see...
3454330
If it makes you feel any better, I only read it for the plot.
The thick, resilient, yet yeilding plot.
I avoid Human pony romance, but the plot was interesting...
This... was amazing.
"It took all your self control not to cop a feel at that gloriously magnificent rear."
9/10, dude, this was amazing for a 2nd person story.
3454675
No no, it's fine. I just have a bad habit of taking things literally. Makes reading comments like that awkward for me.
3454747
And that's the way it was intended!
3454988
Same here to be honest.
3455320
Thanks!
(Also, as an aside, I've never had to respond in bulk before this story. Neat!)
3455477
Thanks. It was a real pain in the ass to write, but apparently I wrote about that ass just right.