• Member Since 26th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen July 30th

Tomsketchit


I am a writer dabbling in many genres. I only write what I love, and can only hope for others to love it the same. This is usually no the case.

T

One year ago, Pinkie Pie made a terrible discovery about Ponyville's Hospital. In its basement, anypony who was deemed 'mentally unwell' by the staff were locked up, beaten, and basically ensured to never see the outside world again. And for knowing too much, Pinkie soon joined these patients. However, thanks to the efforts of her friends and an enigmatic brown Earth pony, she and the other victims of the "Mentally Unstable Wing" were released to rejoin society.

Now, Princess Celestia has offered Pinkie an opportunity to further help this medical field. Massive reforms had gone through the mental health profession following the discovery of these heinous actions in peaceful Ponyville, and Celestia wants Pinkie, as one of the survivors who are still a) available and b) mentally suitable/unscarred enough for the job. A new asylum has opened in Canterlot, hoping to cure the surprisingly many ponies whose mental issues are too great for normal psychiatry to fix, and Celestia wants Pinkie to go through and review the place to ensure that what happened to her and her new friends doesn't happen here.

At first, all seems satisfactory. But then she takes a step into the part of the building where they kept the... dangerous patients. Not dangerous to themselves... dangerous to others. There, she meets a strange stallion. The guards call him "The Canterlot Ripper". The doctors call him "Soup Kitchen". He... he calls himself Straight Razor. And he has a second opinion on how things are run around here.

Made as a sequel to an interesting fic called The Mentally Unstable Wing of Ponyville Hospital by TwistedSkittles.

My Little Ponies and all related characters belong to Hasbro. Mind Twist is an OC of TwistedSkittles from her stories. Straight Razor is my OC from here.

Cover art by myself.

(10/7: Changed Sad tag to Comedy. With how many jokes I put in this, I figured it would be more fitting.)

Note: This version is cancelled. HOWEVER, I'm planning on doing a reboot of it, one that is a standalone instead of a sequel.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 25 )

That description... omg. :fluttercry:

Thank you for your comment. Would you care to elaborate on what you mean? I'm just curious is all.

This seems good, for taking two chapters just as the introduction. Might want to change things around, see if you can make the intro and exposition just a liiiittle bit shorter? I'm not seeing, for example, a good reason to not skip straight to the beginning of Pinkie Pie's part.
(edit: Obviously this is something to do AFTER you've banged out most or all of the story. Writing first, revision second.)

The story premise seems neat, though, and is generally written pretty well (aside from a small number of homophone errors, e.g. their/there/they're). Fave'd to see what you do with this. Liked because I do. :twilightsmile:

3306844
Thanks for the comment and such.

For the revisions, I'm not completely sure what you're referring to. I mean I think I get that you're saying that the Prologue doesn't add much or something, but...

I don't know. I think I might be missing what it is you're trying to say, unfortunately. Which sucks because I have a tendency to get a bit neurotic over that sort of stuff...

As for the mention of homophones, I've found and fixed exactly one. I only mention this because I can't stand poor grammar, and the idea that I would mess up... I already mentioned neurotic, yes? :twilightblush: I pride myself on that I don't have an editor or proofreader (unless you count myself), and I'd hate to have to eat that pride...

Anyway, thanks! Always looking for feedback on this stuff.

Once she gets near that Razor dude, Imma be blasting this:[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=wCfWHqrYUqo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwCfWHqrYUqo]

3316226
Now now...
Save that for later.
There will come a time and place for that!
More appropriate for what I have next chapter would be this:

(Note: This wasn't actually what I was looking for, but it works pretty well all the same. Not actually sure what I was looking for to be honest...)

Just imagine that cat is a grinning psychopathic pony.

Clementine gives this a hoof-up!

3369649
Good to hear! And good to see you here as well.

....Damnit,Did Sheogorath get at the mortals again.......God damnit....Want me to go get the dragonborn?.....Actually....I think the dragonborn is on the potential re-incarnations of Sheogorath list.....So they might be a bit unsuited.......Welp,Any OTHER God tier adventurers willing to work for shiny unique trinkets and bobbles?

3458823
'Bout time someone got that reference!

3459505 ...It aint a very obscure one,I think people just didnt bother mentioning it

3460487
There were a few other references (at least two, I think) in here so far.
I really like dropping references, if you can't tell. :twilightsheepish:

3460541 I could tell......Though admittedly most of them tend to be rather mainstream......also i have no shame,So Have a Visual Novel

3460550
Oh? What ones did you notice?

3460621 Its been a day or two since i read,And honestly i just tend to notice the big ones....Maybe most of them are obscure but theres just so many that they seem to all be mainstream.....Hell if i know

3460625
There are only three references I recall putting in:
1. You've already pointed it out.
2.

straight jacket wearing stallion yelling out "IƤ! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!"

And
3.

This is the Celestia Ward. We aren't sure if it's the truth in all cases, but some ponies try so hard to be like Celestia that they end up convincing themselves they truly are Celestia.

3460762
I do hope you plan on continuing.

4468175 I do, although at the moment I'm not feeling inspired enough to work on it. I'm focusing more on the blog it's based off of than it itself.

This is awesome so far. Hopefully, you'll continue on it.

5226786
I'm actually considering rebooting it.
The character in this story has changed a lot since the last time I worked on it, and I don't think I like the idea of having Pinkie as the main character any more.

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