• Member Since 21st Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 30th, 2020


Comments ( 1441 )

Interesting. Let's see where this goes.

Oh, and the second 'half' of the chapter is in italics all the way.

2377895 Thanks, That should do it.

Slight problem, it suddenly turns to the rest of the chapter being in itallics!

Apart from the error of ittalics, the story strucure itself is awesome! =)

2377919 Really? Mind if I ask where and what part?

The chemistry between these two is brilliant!

sexy times:pinkiehappy:

Well, it 'was' there on Chapter 1 but apparnelt fixed now?! o-O

Da faq brain!??! o_e

2377953 Lol No worries, someone said something earlier and I just wanted to make sure.:twilightsmile:

Love it! Can't wait for more

WOOHOO! It's up!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

That's happened to me before too...

sorren! Where are you and your opinions on this!:pinkiecrazy:
Only joking but in all seriousness Let us wait and see how this turns out.

I have to say....This should not be in 2nd person. that or have some more editing.

I mean isn't the point that "I" can't know what is going on it Trixie's head? the only writing person that allows this is 3rd person Omniscient.

When you make 1st and 2nd person stories your supped to give an experience from one character's point of view. So unless you're saying "I" can hear Trixie's thoughts this is against everything there is to such a story.

The story itself though is good, and I hope future installment fix this problem from now on. Heck the scene where Trixie finds the blood could have been handled by describing how you ended up leaving the bathroom and then just her speaking her apology and realizing "you" were injured. The fact it was done twice here is even worse.

Please try to fix this at some point. for now You have a fav and a down vote.

Ah, so your new story is up! I'll have to check it out! I'm growing quite fond of Trixie. BTW, grats on getting featured! You're getting better all the time! :scootangel:

I edited like, the first 500 words. I shouldn't be on the editors list. Maybe on... writing assistance or something? Because there's a bunch of errors and I don't want my grammar Nazi card revoked.

EDIT: Just re-read the beginning, and you changed a bunch of stuff. Can't even say that I edited anything at all.

2378347 Psh! Sorren knows my name now so he may avoid this like the plague. Lol

2378429 Yeah, I'll look through it some more.:twilightblush::rainbowlaugh: Thanks for taking the time to telling me.

2378509 This is a completely different take then usual. For me at least. Lol And thanks a lot!

2378615 B-but if it weren't for you I'd still be writing like a monkey!... But fine, I'll change it up so people don't get the wrong impression.

2378903 so long as you realize I mean how you did a scene. Not using "I" instead of "you". At no point in the fic should we know 100% what Trixie is thinking outside what she expresses to this character.

If it is truly needed, you should write this in 3rd person since I like the character. Being an even more sarky Saito works for me.

2378984 Thanks again, I will try to find them all the next time when I do go through it. Also, upvote merely on the Zero no Tsukaima video!:heart:

Edit: Alright, either I'm being an idiot or blind; mind pointing out a couple of incidents for me so I can fully grasp what you mean?

can't help but wonder if shes wearing panties or no panties in that pic,

You have a pretty good concept here. Though I think I've read a story where a human becomes a Familiar to Trixie before, this one looks really good. One question though, is this in cannon to what happened after Magical Duel?

2379252 Possible, I would imagine someone else had to of thought if it before. And I guess, but Twilight won't be mentioned in this story.

Transported from your world while walking down the road? By a "girl" who fails spellcasting?
I can't get Zero no Tsukaima out of my head.

2379269 Ikr? wtf is up with this crap? Also, I will end up re reading again most likely as well. Lol

2379259 Okay then. Just a good old romantic clop fic. :twilightsmile:

Congrats on the #2 feature slot!

I would like to see where this goes. Its pretty funny as well.

2379395 Thanks, I tried to make it somewhat comical.

This is getting real good. There's a good concept here and you managed to make Trixie not seem like an overbearing bitch. Good job.

not bad my firend

While this story is quite interesting, it seems a bit fast paced. Also, while I actually enjoy the switch from Second person you to third person Trixie perspectives, you need to give some sign that it has happened, a visual cue.

When I perspective shift, I personally give a line of dashes between paragraphs, like this:


It also works great for scene changes.

I am interested. Please, do continue.

I must admit, the grammar is kind of annoying. Mostly because of how, at times, you accidentally swap between present and past tense. That was mostly in the first chapter, though. Also, the overuse of spacing kind of makes the dialogue a bit rough. But that's not what matters: what matters is that I'm invested in it. It's a good story, and I hope you get chapter three out soon.

Brony19 enjoys this.

There's still a few grammar quirks your editors need to catch, like capitalizing letters after quotes where it isn't linked to the dialogue. Shown here:
“Of course I don’t wish to kill you. Trixie has taken every precaution to insure your safety. Besides, you, as my familiar, are supposed to do as I command since you’re spellbound to me.” she crosses her arms in an attempt to appear superior..

'She' should have a capital S.

Also, you don't need to pair every bit of dialogue with 'reply' or 'said'. You can, but sometimes it flows better to put that aside.

May the bonding begin... :rainbowkiss:

I'm not interested in this story! :trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright: needs more tsundere.

I can't really say this story is doing it for me.... yet. I mean its not done so it could certainly change.

And I'm back to read another one of these by you...

My response to this story...


What's this witchcraft?

A GOOD second-person clop?


These 2nd person clopfics have been getting featured a lot lately.
Is that normal?

Now the story begins, good job on getting featured again. I'm guessing your stories will get featured no matter what you do now huh?

2379514 Thanks, I tried my best.

2379549 The idea behind that 'fast paced' relationship is, Trixie, to me seems like the type that wouldn't of even thought of friendship/relationship unless it was pressed onto her like so in the 2nd chapter(You getting injured). Otherwise she never would have learned her lesson etc.

2379571 I shall do so when I can.

2379655 Haha, sorry for the quarks. I am nowhere near perfect when it comes to grammar so it is difficult for me. But I will try my best to to better as I go.


2379812 That's a rule I didn't know, Thank you for giving your helpful advise and I will be sure to try harder as I go. Of course I can never claim perfection.

2379988 Hey that's fine, If you like it you like it if not, then you don't. I'm just glad you gave it a shot. Thank you.


2380123 But there isn't any more, and there won't be for the rest of existence.(All lies)

2380209 Witchcraft...

2380225 Um, that just means a lot of people like'em I think.

2380274 lol Idk about that. I know people with more follower and don't featured.

Congrats on the feature. You deserve it.

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