After rising to stardom following Rarity's first, poorly received fashion show, Vinyl Scratch struggles to adapt to the higher class of life celebrity status bestows. Her personality and own moral values do not mix with the fake, corporate ideals of her agent, and her sponsors are only interested in her as long as she conforms to their expectations. Her life is barely her own and soon she will have to decide what's more important; her existing relationships, her fame and fortune, or perhaps something unexpected in the form of a refreshingly grounded Canterlot Elite who just invited her to breakfast during the Canterlot Music Convention.
A Vinyl Scratch x Octavia story where the two Ponies involved don't instantly form a romantic relationship the moment they meet, and instead allows it to grow over time with good old character development.
All criticism is welcome, and of course some spoilers follow in the comments below so please read cautiously.
Mega thanks go to Cruel September for her fantastic cover art for the story. Go show her lots of love, she's an amazing artist. http://cruelseptember.deviantart.com/
This is fun. Can't wait to see more.
bugh, too tired to properly compliment (or type). Anyhow, now for critique time
The only real issue I had with this was the really long exposition period. I mean, I know exposition is important, but half the fix was Vinyl walking and thinking, with very little prompting (bumping into the noble was better, as she had a reason to be on that train of thought). There were also several portions which seemed downright unnecessary, notably the portions on Luna, the venue, and hotel accommodations. I can see that luna might be important later or something, but that part seemed a little forced. As for the hotel, I can’t really imagine why the crowdedness of rooming conditions would matter. Even if it does, it would be better if it were prompted by something so that it felt more relevant. Even the part about her rise to fame seemed a little shoehorned.
All of these things are fine to discuss, and many of them are necessary, but in their current form they all seem rather mashed together in a rambling exposition. Trying to give some prompts so that Vinyl has reason to think them, or, better yet, try to stick them in a conversation or something (even doing this later would be fine, as none of this info has been relevant yet).
Also, during the exposition, your sentences seemed to get a bit repetitive and lengthy at times. That isn’t a really bad thing, but it got a little annoying.
Again, great fic. I’m enjoying your characterizations all ready, and I can't wait to see more.
Quite funny and well written especially for a scratch story. I can't wait to see where you take this watching.
Closer inspection reveals that Vinyl has drooled on her table. You have earned a track.
You have my attention. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Brilliant, brilliant start shadow, absolutely loving it so far.
However, I will agree with Drake on the point that the Luna 'exposition' did seem to drag on more than was necessary. Yes, it was a nice little bit, but I don't really see the importance of describing her nature in court and starting an academy and the like. Also, you may want to watch your ellipses, you're missing a space after a few of them.
Everything else though, spectacular. I love the idea of a musical convention, I really like the scene it puts in my mind, all the stalls and booths with crowds walking about, and Vinyl getting semi-mobbed. I'm liking the idea, and I'm excited to see how you have the story play out.
Moving on, I enjoy the character personalities you have set up here, mainly Lyra's (I do like Vinyl's, but I'm sure you already know my stance on her character portrayed like that). The thought of Lyra being sort of Tomboy (colt?) is really appealing, and the fact that Bon Bon is exactly the opposite amuses me. Can't wait to see develop her further - even though she isn't the focus - it'd be nice to see.
Finally, the character interaction between the two and your over all dialog is wonderful. It flows well and is easily visualized, I had a stupid grin on my face the entire time I read it. It's great to see a relationship like that, it is always kind of heart warming, just friends being friends. Good Job
Overall, great start, can't wait to read more!
Well since Therizzen did a great with his explanation I shall not do it myself. I have really enjoyed this chapter and plan on tracking this and reading future chapters.
At the end though when she kept listening problems. It made me think of this images.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9142437.jpg
very good. Normally i find a little thing or two to point aout about a story. But yours is just good. Nice work!
heh, i know juuuuuust how vinyl feels at the end of this chapter.
Stuck at a crowded con? Been there. Consider me interested.
Right now I feel like racing against RD, soo I'll just track this one. I'm a fan of OctaScratch so that's why.
Please sir can I have some more? ~Oliver!
Hehe. Mmmm, I can't wait for the "official" Vinyl meets Octavia moment, when it's formal, awkward and cute.
I was really happy when I saw that this story updated. If I have any complaints at all it is that the next chapter is not out already. I desire more <.<
“Fine,” she called out as she began to follow. “But you can bet your last bit that I’m going to see you in that sweater I found.”
Lyra’s step faltered.
Vinyl smiled.
L.O.L.
and it keeps being awesome
mooaaaar
Can't wait for the next chapter!
I love the whole dynamic you have going on between Vinyl, Lyra and Bonbon
And of course the sneaky Octavia cameo in the elevator!
I'll be waiting (impatiently) for the next chapter with Octavia and more antics!
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/peter_griffin_-_go_on_____2918.jpg
It's great to see that Octavia doesn't immediately hate on Vinyl.
You have my attention.
Oh Vinyl, I do believe you know exactly what happened
Also, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh at the mention of the pony opening the doors for them. His Cutie Mark being a set of double doors. Can you imagine that being a special talent? The thought that every time he opens the door a wave of self purpose washes over him just makes me laugh. The little things, I tell yah.
Oh yes, and Bon-Bon, she was perfect. I really enjoy her character, and I don't know what this says about me, but even more so when she's drunk. That awkward elevator ride. Marvelous, just wonderful. I was smiling the whole time.
Great chapter, and now that you're out of your Mass Effect 3 slump, I do hope we see them coming more frequently. Not that you should rush, mind you, take your time - all the time in the world. Just make it fast
images.wikia.com/assassinscreed/images/9/9b/Joker-clap.gif twentypercentcooler.net/data/04/2e/042ec9a742c3df7b07025da533863257.gif
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I thought this deserved a small round of applause...
glad to see this update. I was beginning to get worried.
And I really do enjoy your portrayal of Lyra and BonBon. They often get treated a bit too generically, so its good to see someone write them so well.
509808
and of course she doesn't. Vinyl is all dressed up and without her usual look :P
As usual a perfect dynamic between the three with bonbon being a hilarious drunk! Aww poor octavia needs some friends. The breakfast scene should be really great with the four of them
510540 And her DJ look automatically causes Octavia to recoil in horror?
That would be EXCELLENT.
511843
and she can hardly say no to joining them. She's way to polite for that
512842 But doesn't she invite herself along?
511843
uhm she already saw Vinyl in her DJ-outfit. Remember when Vinyl stopped the elevator for Octy? It's even referenced here 'One good deed deserves another, right?'
512880
well yeah. And if Vinyl walks up in the morning, she can't just unnvite herself
513485 Oh yeah...fail.
513519 That's true.
513485
bah, how dare you ruin our fun with your logic
514937
I dare because I'm a brony.
I dare because i have the knowlegde.
I DARE BECAUSE I'M SUPERIOR!
any questions?
Great Story, glad to so its updating again!
Perfect pacing and perfect character dynamics. Glad it wasnt a generic 'classical is boring. No dubstep is worthless' conversation. I feel you displayed their differences more subtly and of course the vitriolic best buds relationship between Vinyl and Lyra is seriously entertaining.
Now I cant wait to see how Vinyl and Octy's big day together turns out!
Love it, the story is getting better every chapter!
As DaMagiks said: "Perfect pacing and perfect character dynamics."
I'm loving this story and it's getting better every chapter.
Your Tavi makes me happy. That is all.
"Touché."
Octy, or Tavi? I vote Tavi.
It sounds nicer to me.
550379
I second this. Tavi flows better and sounds more natural.
This story is great, can't wait for the next chapter.
Looks like the bow-tie stays. Which is good.
Because bow-ties are awesome.
Also, well done.
You know what I have had it. I have gone on long enough without saying it. And this story is the straw that finally breaks the camels back. It is authors like YOU that are the reason I keep reading and writing. I mean seriously, do you have to be consistently awesome? With your plot hooks and your cliffhangers. Back in my grandpas day they wrote mediocre stories and by golly they liked it. That being said I eagerly await the next chapter.
562357
every time I read your lovely words.
You genuinely made me chuckle with that, I'm glad you took the time to comment, haha. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank not only you but also everyone else who has commented so far, and also the readers who haven't. I know I haven't replied or thanked anyone who has gone out of their way to leave comments but I do appreciate them all and I will start replying to some of the ones that I feel need a response, like questions and such.
Makes me feel like this
Silly Vinyl, letting your secret get into a gossip magazine that Bon-Bon read.
You should know better than that.
Thats why i love Stories with Vinyl and Tavi. Its just too much fun to see how VInyl drives Tavi crazy. And the Stories dont even need romance, but when, then its even better.
Lul, I can't wait for the article to be published and see how Snapshot distorted the interview. And for Vinyl's gig. Octavia is going to have an interesting culture shock.
582412
One of the reasons why I love them too, it's incredibly fun trying to think of all the scenarios they can end up in. I can't wait until I get to the romance later in the story, the scenarios will get ten times better. I have one idea which is just absolutely fantastic... at least I think so at least. But I won't spoil it here, you'll just have to wait
582464
Will be a little bit before that article comes out, but yeah, that'll be fun too.
579344
Thanks for the comments, much appreciated.
Must fight temptation for hot chocolate.. must do something to take my mind of the chocolaty goodness..
I know I'll make my self a drink that should do the trick
Really great story by the way cant wait for the next chapter ... wait how did i get this hot choc ... Damn it temptation you win again this time
Damn it! Now I feel the need to make hot chocolate (luckily I have amazing white hot chocolate powder I can make)
But seriously this was great and Snapshot was so cute with his little wings fluttering on his first big story
Of course Vinyl annoying Octavia was hilariously awesome
Now write more or I'll sacrifice you to the ancient Lunar gods
Congrats on EQD! I love it when stories that need more recognition finally get what they deserve.
A well deserved feature on Equestria Daily!
I appreciate that the caliber of writing in this story is higher than the average fanfic, but it also accentuates the few small errors I saw. I'm not all that into line-by-line reconstructions and analysis, so I'll just mention a few errors I repeatedly saw.
First off: commas. In your effort to use more elaborate sentence structure, you use a lot of commas. Many of these are accurately placed and well-used but there are also a plethora of comma splices. Semicolons or even periods would be more appropriate in these situations.
Second: 'I' vs. 'we'. I applaud your effort to use these pronouns in the proper context, but you have overcorrected the common mistake in a few situations. Yes, 'we' has its place in proper grammar as well. The instance I remember in which you used 'I' when you should have used 'we' is when Lyra is speaking to Vinyl.
Third: This one is simple. You used 'wears' instead of 'wares'. Most people probably wouldn't notice a mistake such as this, but if you're going for the higher level of writing, you might as well catch all the little details.
Overall, I am enjoying this story very much, but I would just like to comment that you should not sacrifice the flow of a sentence just to use more complicated phrases and structure. Keep up the good work!
(This is all just from reading the first chapter, by the way)