It used to be a strange sensation, waking up in a different bed. Vinyl remembered when she first began to tour that she found it difficult falling asleep in strange, unfamiliar locations. It took her a long time to be able to adapt to the different noises and atmospheres of each town or city where she lay down her head but she’d never manage to get a perfect night’s sleep anywhere but her own bed. When she cracked one of her eyelids open in the bed provided to her by Octavia however, she found that she’d rested quite well.
The curtains had already been closed before she’d fallen asleep the night before, which she was thankful for as she hadn’t given them a moment’s notice when she got in bed. The room was cast in a merciful twilight which did very little to aggravate the dull throb that Vinyl could feel in the back of her head. She rolled over onto her back, opening her other eye as she did so and stared at the ceiling, her tongue running over the roof of her mouth in an attempt to alleviate the dryness she felt.
Her thoughts drifted to the night before and she smiled. She’d had fun, more fun than she’d had in a long time. It’d had been several months since she was able to visit the night scene without having to watch her appearance or perform for a crowd, she only had to worry about the mare she was with. Her ears flicked, trying to determine whether or not Octavia had already awoken and left her room but aside from the pump of her pulse coursing through her head she couldn’t hear a thing.
She lifted her head off the ridiculously comfortable pillow and gazed around the room, trying to find a clock but there was nothing on the walls or dressers to be able to tell the time with. She knew it was morning from the simple fact she could see, but it could still be quite early; or much later than she thought. Figuring she should try and find out whether she’d need to make up an excuse for why she didn’t turn up to see Opal or get another few hours sleep, the DJ got up.
The bed didn’t make a noise as she rolled onto the edge of the bed and dropped her hooves on to the plush carpeted floor, the fluff muffling her hoof steps as she took a few steps forwards. Curiosity got the better of her for a moment, and she decided to have a quick look around the room, wondering if Octavia kept anything of interest in it for storage. She’d been told it was a guest room but if she didn’t get many guests then she could have kept anything in there.
She was soon disappointed however when a quick investigation into the contents of the chest of drawers opposite the bed, the wardrobes against the wall opposite the window, and the two bedside tables on either side of the bed revealed them to be empty. Curiosity unsatisfied she grumbled to herself and quietly opened the bedroom door, eyes squinting a little as light filled the room through the opening.
As she had suspected, Octavia was nowhere to be seen in the living room. The couches and chairs were empty and popping her head out into the room and looking at the grey mare’s bedroom door revealed it to be as closed as it was last night. Exiting her room, Vinyl placed her ear gently against the closed door, trying to hear if the mare within was still home. She didn’t think Octavia would have left Vinyl alone in her home but the unicorn couldn’t hear anything so it was a conclusion she’d have come to if she didn’t get a look inside.
Using that as her excuse, and with a bit of a grin, the DJ lit up her horn and with a soft click, the door opened. Almost immediately Vinyl could see that the room was darker than the one she’d been using, and as the door opened wide enough to stick her head in the gap she saw that that was due to their being much thicker, black curtains covering the window in the room. Through the gloom she could make out a few furnishings; a desk in the corner, a single wardrobe, what appeared to be a couple of picture frames on the bedside table, and finally the bed.
Vinyl pushed the door open a little further, casting light from the living room onto the bed and saw what could only be described as a lump in the middle of the mattress. The duvet had been pulled away from the corners of the bed and bunched together into a pile and only the splayed out mass of hair belonging to a black tail - spread out from under the duvet and hanging over the bed - revealed that the occupant of the room was taking up residence in the middle of it all, seemingly snoozing soundly.
Under normal circumstances Vinyl would have been chuckling to herself and contemplating jumping on the bed, or having a quick snoop around the room. She could see that there were plenty of personal items for her to nosy at and learn more about the passed out pony from, but she did feel somewhat hesitant to actually do so.
Although she was typically an invasive pony there was something about somepony’s bedroom that was so... intimate, and with Octavia being as hung-over as Vinyl thought she might be she probably wouldn’t have been too keen to be woken up in such a way. The rest of the apartment, however, was fair game, and so with a silent smile she shut the door once more, turning on the spot to gaze at the living room.
She’d briefly taken a look around when she arrived the night before, but in the darkness and distorted sense of awareness due to the alcohol she hadn’t really paid attention. The first thing that she noticed was that Octavia loved symmetry. Every piece of furniture was evenly spaced out and had a matching item on the opposite side of the room, two armchairs and a couch making up the centrepiece of the room surrounding a glass coffee table.
Various paintings and wall hangings decorated the walls of the room, some of them looking rather expensive. Vinyl wasn’t much for art but she recognised that some of the paintings must have cost a princely sum of bits, providing they weren’t replicas. And to go along with the paintings there were rows upon rows of books stacked into book cases alongside an entire wall of the room.
“I could see her as an evil villain,” Vinyl muttered to herself, a silly smile on her face, “one of these books must hide a switch to a secret laboratory or something, why else would she have so many?” She paused for a moment in front of the cases and studied the book spines and their titles but soon grew bored. None of them looked like she’d be interested in reading them and when she found a distinct lack of any Daring Do novels she decided to find the kitchen to quench her thirst.
As expected, the kitchen was impeccably clean. There wasn’t a single dirty dish in the sink, all the cutlery was put away – and in correct order in the drawer when Vinyl checked – and not even a smudge on the counter tops. The tiled floor was gleaming and the DJ found herself wondering if Octavia used the room at all. Shrugging it off she began her search for a glass and once found she filled it with water.
Her throat accepted the water far too easily, however - eager to sooth the dryness with the refreshing liquid - and she swallowed and breathed at the same time. She choked on it, gasping and coughing as she hacked the water out of her lungs and with her concentration broken, her horn let go of the glass.
The musical chime of fine glass cracking and smashing into dozens of little pieces upon a tiled floor echoed throughout the room and Vinyl flinched, panting somewhat from her coughing fit. She quickly scooped up the pieces with her magic, holding them aloft whilst she checked the floor for any she might have missed before placing them in the bin, the pieces jingling as they clattered against one another.
Once she mopped up the left over water on the floor with a cloth she found next to the sink she hazarded a look out of the kitchen door, and gulped at what she saw. The door to the dark abyss that was Octavia’s room was wide open and light pouring out on to the bed revealed its occupant was missing. Vinyl hoped that the cellist wasn’t too angry at being woken up, especially by the destruction of her property, but she was relieved that she was no longer alone.
She stepped out of the kitchen, wondering where the mare had dragged herself off to as she wasn’t sat on one of the chairs or seats in the living room. Deciding it was worth the risk, Vinyl approached Octavia’s bedroom and stood at the threshold to peer inside. “Octy, you in here?” she asked before stepping in, taking the opportunity to have a glance into the cellist’s inner sanctum.
The first thing that she noticed that there was a stark contrast between how Octavia treated the public space of her home and the private space of her bedroom; it was a mess. Now not concealed in the partially opened door she was peering through earlier, Vinyl could see that there was very little about the room that was considered neat.
The bed was still unmade, sheets and duvets scattered around the mattress with a pillow lying on the floor beside it. The bowtie Octavia had been wearing the night before had been casually dropped to the floor, and as the DJ scanned the room she found several more bowties littering the area. The desk in the corner was covered with music sheets from whatever composition Octavia had been working on and the few areas of the desk she could see were coffee ringed and stained with the long nights it had undoubtedly experienced.
It was quite a shock to Vinyl to see the room in such a state when all the other rooms in the apartment seemed meticulously maintained to such a high standard. It wasn’t until the sharp intake of breath and the sudden exclamation behind her did she discover that the reason was probably because no pony was allowed in Octavia’s room. “What are you doing in my bedroom?!”
The unicorn whipped around on the spot, a guilty expression on her face as she clapped eyes on the grey mare standing in the doorway to the bathroom. The cellist was staring with a heavy blush on her face, a bottle of painkillers lying on the floor in front of her where she had obviously dropped them when she saw Vinyl.
“Er... looking for you?” the DJ offered, trying her best to look as innocent as possible; though the way she shuffled on her hooves didn’t help her position very much.
--
Octavia couldn’t believe that she’d left her bedroom door open. She knew that she had company, and it was her company that had woke her up, yet she had still made the mistake. It was only the incessant throbbing in the back of her skull that made her forget to close the door behind her in her effort to find adequate pain relief. And now the frustrating source of her restless and fitful slumber was standing in full view of one of her most guarded secrets.
“If you tell anypony about this then I’ll make sure you regret it,” the cellist warned, knowing it was far too late to change what had happened. “You probably think I’m a slob...”
“Who am I going to tell, it’s not like I can go to the press to reveal Octavia’s dirty little secrets, can I?” Vinyl asked, casually stepping out from Octavia’s bedroom and joining her in the living room. When she noticed Octavia did not look amused at all she continued. “And besides, it’s your room, do what you like with it. All I’m wondering is why the rest of this place is so spotless compared to it.”
“No pony goes into my room... so I just don’t bother keeping it tidy,” the earth pony mare answered, leaning down to pick up the painkillers and twist the cap with a practiced hoof. “I do clean it... just not very often; I find it helps me think a little more clearly when I don’t have to worry about how neat everything is.”
“Well I think you over compensate for it in the rest of your home,” Vinyl mused, making her way towards the couch and taking up position on it, “there’s not even any dust in here.” She then grew interested in the pair of glasses that sat atop a book on a side table. She levitated them towards herself before Octavia could protest and slipped them on to her head, her vision becoming alarmingly unfocused. “Wow, Octy... your eyesight is really bad.”
“Thank you for stating the obvious,” the cellist grumbled before retreating into the kitchen, Vinyl’s unfocused gaze following her as she left.
As Octavia retrieved a glass from her cupboard - noticing one missing from her neatly arranged lines - and filled it with tap water, she began to let her mind wander. She was annoyed with herself, her thoughts having coalesced into Vinyl the moment she had woken. The shatter of glass would normally lead her to believe her home had been intruded upon, yet that hadn’t even occurred to her as she left her bed.
Clearly I’m still under the influence, she thought to herself as she popped two painkillers into her mouth and took several large gulps of water, I guess hangovers don’t make it easy for my thoughts to clear. Under normal circumstances she’d have cleaned her glass, dried it and returned it to the cupboard she’d taken it from. But with her having company she simply left it in the sink and made her way back to the living room, only to meet Vinyl’s gaze from the doorway.
“If you don’t take them off you’ll damage your eyes,” the cellist said with a stern tone, though the slight smile on her face did little to reinforce it.
“I just can’t get over how bad it is, how do you wear these things?” the DJ asked, looking away and waving her hoof in front of her face, eliciting a mild laugh from Octavia.
“I don’t. I told you, they’re my emergency pair of glasses. I wear contact lenses all the time. Unless I don’t plan to go anywhere for a day or two, I’d rather save the bits and wear the glasses around the place.” The grey mare paused for a moment, trying not to laugh at the magnified eyes of the unicorn before continuing. “Besides, they’re not exactly the most fashionable piece of eyewear to be seen in.”
“Well you’re not that fashionable to begin with,” Vinyl retorted, giving a quiet chuckle at her joke until she noticed Octavia’s blurry form walking back into the kitchen.
“I take it you don’t want breakfast then.”
“Wait, I’m sorry, you’re fashionable!” the DJ then exclaimed, getting up in a panic and trying to follow her, worried about the loss of breakfast. Octavia smiled triumphantly as she heard the scrabble and then winced as she heard a bang followed by the thump of a pony hitting the floor.
Turning around and looking back into the living room, the cellist looked down to see Vinyl sprawled out on her back, a hoof rubbing furiously at her forehead where she’d smacked it against the doorway into the kitchen. “My eyesight is not that bad,” Octavia quickly defended, already realising what had happened and pre-empting any witty remark the unicorn may have had. “You must have been able to see the door...”
“That wasn’t the problem,” Vinyl retorted, one eye closed as she slowly rolled herself back to her feet, “I couldn’t tell where the door frame ended and the doorway began.” Her horn lit up and removed the offending piece of eyewear, the lenses shakily floating towards a table to dispose of them. With her vision restored and a reasonably sized lump having formed on her head the DJ smiled and trotted into the kitchen. “So, what’s for breakfast?”
“I don’t know yet,” Octavia replied after a moment’s careful observation, wondering whether or not Vinyl was going to bump into anything else in a dazed stumble. “But first I’m getting you some ice for your head.”
“And some orange juice too,” Vinyl added, taking a seat at the table by the far wall, grinning. “It’s the least you can do for having such a dangerous apartment. I’m your guest; you’re supposed to make sure hazardous equipment is kept out of reach.”
“I wouldn’t have thought glasses were hazardous equipment, Vinyl...” Octavia replied before retrieving a frozen bag of alfalfa sprouts from the freezer.
“Eww... we are not having alfalfa for breakfast,” the DJ was quick to speak up, earning a light chuckle from the cellist who ignored her protest and brought them over to the table.
“It’s for your clumsy head. I’m afraid I don’t have any real ice packs.”
“Oh... that’s alright then...” A blue aura enveloped the sprouts and the bag was soon pressed against Vinyl’s forehead, the lump stinging for a moment before it became a dull throb. “So... Pancakes?”
--
Octavia’s music room was exactly how Vinyl had expected it to be; neat and tidy and everything in its own place. They had retreated to the room after a light breakfast of oats and milk, Octavia having complained about their unhealthy and borderline disgusting choice of late night meal and wanting to compensate for it. Vinyl objected at first but backed down when Octavia broached on the subject of Opal’s diet plan, though the high-class mare did promise that she’d make her pancakes one day, which cheered her up to no end.
The DJ had eventually discovered the time of day, being very late morning - early afternoon by the time they’d finished breakfast. She wasn’t expected to meet Opal until three so Octavia had kindly offered to house Vinyl until she needed to leave, especially so after the unicorn had mentioned fears of imposing.
“I told you that you could see Ponyville from here, look.” The cellist pointed her hoof against the window pane, the light from the autumn sun casting her shadow behind her despite it being close to noon. Out in the distance the picturesque town of Ponyville sat nestled between the backdrop of the Everfree forest and the immense apple orchards that stretched beyond sight.
The earth pony was about to comment on how she could imagine wanting to live there, the temptation of a peaceful and quiet existence strong, but the twang of off key strings distracted her and she quickly darted her head towards Vinyl’s direction.
“Why do you have so many?” The unicorn asked as she strummed her hoof over another set of strings belonging to a violin.
“Don’t do that!” Octavia snapped, darting over to prevent Vinyl from touching any more of her instruments in such a brutish manner. “You’re not supposed to just pull at the strings with your clumsy hooves.” She shooed the startled unicorn away and it was only after she inspected the violin and determined that it hadn’t been damaged did she realise her rudeness. “Oh... I’m sorry... It’s just-”
“You’re protective of your instruments,” Vinyl interrupted with a wave of her hoof, “it’s alright, I get it. Same reason no pony touches my turntables but me.” She failed to notice the blush adorning Octavia’s face and instead browsed the assortments of instruments about the room. “You still have a lot though. You don’t really play them all, do you?”
“Some more than others,” the other mare admitted, eyeing Vinyl warily as the DJ looked up and down the various types of instruments on offer. Many of the string instruments lay against or on stands, some valuable pieces locked away in glass cases but others obviously worn with the signs of heavy usage. Horns and woodwinds of numerous types were also available from tubas to clarinets. “As you may have already surmised, I favour the cello, but I can play most string instruments. A few brass and I can dabble in the piano. I guess my talent is instruments in general.
“My ensemble occasionally practices here when it’s just a small group of us, there are five of us in total but usually we play as a foursome. We’re kept quite busy most of the time.” The ever cautious host continued to watch Vinyl but it was clear that she wasn’t going to do any more touching without permission. “Do you play anything?” Octavia then asked, a hopeful tone hidden in her voice as brief daydreams of playing into the night alongside Vinyl in front of the window ran through her head. Together... gazing out at Ponyville, the moon lighting up Vinyl’s wonderful eyes..., Octavia shook her head, reprimanding herself once more for her traitorous imagination.
“Nope, never really had the knack for it; I much prefer electronics.”
Octavia almost thanked Celestia at that revelation. Now there’s no temptation... unless I offer to teach her...
“Hey, do you have an accordion?” Vinyl suddenly asked, startling Octavia and causing her to stutter as a response. “I’ve always loved the accordion, it’s so... weird. And fun. Me and Lyra used to go down to the park when we were foals and there was this unicorn who played it. We’d sit there for ages listening... but then Lyra sort of stopped. I never told her where I used to disappear to every now and then, thought she might laugh if she found out I still went to listen to him.”
“No, I’m afraid I don’t,” the cellist eventually replied, holding back her distaste for the instrument in lieu of the fact Vinyl seemed so fond of it. “There are many instruments I don’t own, which is probably for the best. I’d soon run out of space to put them all.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Vinyl once again, nonchalantly replied, turning a few pages in a music book, “I was just wondering is all. Haven’t seen one in a few years, thought maybe you’d have one considering your collection.” Under normal circumstances, or in her small circle of friends, Octavia would have given a snide remark at that statement, but she found that she couldn’t bring one to boil in the presence of the DJ, through fear of offending her.
“I know that I said I didn’t want to impose earlier,” Vinyl then began, causing Octavia’s ears to prick forwards with attentiveness, “but could I use your shower. Opal won’t be too impressed if I turn up with evidence of last night’s escapades out on the town on my coat.”
The two ponies were a little worse for wear. Of the two, Octavia certainly showed the signs that she had just gotten out of bed. The usually well kept mare had creases under her eyelids, and her mane and tail was frayed and frizzy. Vinyl on the other hand looked just as she usually did at first glance. Her wild hair gave nothing away but if one looked closely they would be able to make out the drink spills and the tiniest splotch of ketchup from their late night meal upon her white coat.
“Of course. You have to look presentable when speaking with your agent.” Octavia had absolutely no intention of refusing the unicorn; she was in fact trying to think up a way to broach the subject without implying that Vinyl was in need of a wash. “You remember where the bathroom is? There are towels in the cupboard behind the bath, use as many as you like.” She began to make her way out of the room, opening the door to the doorway and motioning for Vinyl to take the lead.
“I’ll try not to make too much of a mess,” the DJ grinned, trotting ahead of Octavia and giving her a playful bump with her hips as she moved past. The cellist stumbled but was sure to let her indignation known with a hearty ‘hmph’ afterwards. Yet she couldn’t help the slight smile that crept on to her face.
A short while later and the grey earth pony was alone in the living room, the sound of Vinyl wandering around in the bathroom the only thing to break the silence. She was debating on whether to take a seat on the couch and wait or return to her room and possibly make her bed when another sound graced her ears. She cringed as the familiar tone of her doorbell rung in her ears, followed by the harsh rap of a hoof on the wooden door.
With a sigh of frustration and a mumble under her breath, Octavia trotted out into the hallway just as she heard Vinyl switch on the shower. The sound of the water hitting the tub grew quieter as she approached her front door and the bell was rung again.
“I’m coming,” she called out, an air of sophistication creeping into her voice despite the dull throb of a head ache persisting through the pills she’d taken. “Hello,” she began after she opened the door, gazing out into the corridor. She then gasped, her heart skipping a beat.
“Octavia, you’re looking... dishevelled.” Beauty Brass smiled. “May I come in?”
(A.N:- Took me a while but I got through my stumbling blocks. Should be plain sailing from here on in. Let me know if there's any obvious mistakes or if you don't like a part of this chapter, I obviously struggled with it.)
Oh, that's just EVIL stopping it there!
Regardless, an excellent chapter. Good to see Octy developing a bit of a soft spot for our favourite DJ.
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I like being evil But really that was a place to stop that will help me write Chapter 11, if I'd carried on then I'd have to find a whole new starting point for the next chapter. This cliffhanger felt... right. Thanks for the comment.
Excellent chapter as always, and it's good to heat you made it past the writer's block. Keep up the fantastic work!
- Couldn't detect any mistakes.
- The chapter fits well with the rest of the story.
Awesome as always!
Its fine, but don't leave us for over a month again and all will be good.
Now THAT is how you snare someone into reading your next chapter! I can't wait!
......No, I'm serious. I can't wait. Get to it!
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Cliffhangers are always a good way to end a chapter, Mate. Dice-rolling, Dungeon-crawling, loot-gathering adventurers like myself love a good cliffhanger between sessions of gaming. The chapter was brilliant, despite your struggles with it.
agreed very evil but I think her friend is just coming to check up on her and will be happy to hear that octy "let her hair down" at least for one night.
A good intermission chapter and a bit of character building for Octavia. I'm thankful I still have most of my vision.
I can tell the next chapter's going to be a beauty.
Don't suppose that part about the accordion was a reference to The Vinyl Scratch Tabes?
i love the vinyl scratch TABES! But seriously I am looking forward to the next chapterdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png
Would you look at that, you updated right as I got on. How nice, thank you
Anyway, it's been awhile! I was wondering if you were struggling with the story seeing as it was taking you a bit longer than normal. For not asking you about it on skype, I am sorry...
Moving on, the chapter was good. It's not your best, I will admit that, but it was decent. I felt it picked up in the latter half, when Vinyl dawned Octy's glasses and had her little run in with the evil door. That was fun. The beginning just felt too slow and monotonous. Overall it was good though, and congratulations on getting over the difficult bits.
Great work, as usual. All very good, but that ending...
ramparts360.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/cliff-hanger1.gif
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but, but, but more....... I didn't want to be done reading yet.
I think I read too many Vinyl x Octavia fics. It took me a minute to remember which fic the accordion was an homage too.
Anyway, good job. Hopefully the next chapter will be done sooner? Please?
Yay!~~
We're one step closer to shipping!
There were no major mistakes, but there were quite a few missing commas in the common places (e.g. Before and(or, but, so, yet, etc.)(when applicable) and after introductory phrases/clauses.) More so in the beginning of the chapter.
You wanna know something? When I saw "Changes" updated, I put everything down, muted the IRC and broke my face from smiling too hard. You're welcome.
My only real comments for the chapters are these.
How dare you stop with the door. How dare you!
I really hope the daydream of Octavia's is a clever foreshadowing. That scene would be beautiful.
Now, if you break your promise of at most every two weeks, I might just have to do something drastic. *steps back until he is on the edge of a very large waterfall that ends with pointy rocks* Don't make me do it.
Damn you and your ability to write a good stopping point~
!!!!!!!! NEW CHAPTER!? OH MAH CELESTIA! Dude I love your writing, in fact this is my fav story all time! keep it up...and uhm...update a little faster please? if that's not too much trouble cause seriously...love the story and the wait is sooooooooo horrible! but still...excellent as well
Update, .
Everything looked good to me, and the next chapter should be...interesting.
Great story. My final impression on the last scene? "Oh, damn."
Just got through catching up from the beginning,it was amazing and finally free of the Dub/Classical fight, though I can see one major problem with this fic.
There is a sever lack of Narwhals.
Oh, wait, I meant I can't find the next chapter.
Could you help me find it please? I'll give you a cookie (with a free lifetime membership to the Dark Side).
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/3/25/129140217428640300.jpg
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first off, we should be sure to note that my comment was only ever in regards to the first chapter. The writing picked up really fast and you won't see me trying to complain now.
And my problem was that the way the thoughts rambled were not particularly like how actual thoughts work. You bring up My roommate is a Vampire (which I was fortunate to read a few days ago). The thoughts in that fic, thought they do ramble, ramble in such a way that it makes sense, seems like how thoughts work, and are easy to read and follow. The first chapter of this fic used thoughts in order to provide exposition on the setting, which meant that the Vinyls thoughts seemed to wander all over the place and include a number of seemingly random things with no prompting or logical thought progression in between. The problem isn't so much the tendency of thoughts to ramble, but the necessity of some sort of logical progression of them, or at the very least a faster feel, which I think the first chapter lacked. (again, it was very, very, good, and that was just a minor complaint meant to share my own feelings)
LOL FUCK.....
I know that feel...
Just recently updated my fic too...and boy howdy was it hard to pump out that chapter...sooo much stuff and feels that are just...yeah...
keep up the good work!
i aint seeing nothin wrong with this :P except for the fact that i might have to reread the previous 2 chapters because of the gap, but that is more because im following so many fics and taviscratch fics specifically to keep remembering whats what
have a moustache for getting over writers-block
Just one word misuse that bugs me - "holding back her distaste for the instrument in lieu of the fact Vinyl seemed so fond of it."
That means, more or less, "instead of" rather than "because of." You could just use view.
I'll write a full response to this story after work...
Cliffhangers... the life blood of all good stories
Damn...THIS'LL BE FUN!
Thank you for your work, I enjoyed it as it was.
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You like being evil?
Well that's not a surprise, your an author! We are all evil bastards.
I quite enjoyed this chapter. :) It was a simplistic one, which I know a lot of writer's struggle with; it's not easy to keep things entertaining when the chapter is devoted to introducing a single location, but you managed to pull it off nicely.
I especially liked the scene with Vinyl messing with Octavia's glasses.
Only one thing that slightly bothered me: why didn't Octavia ever call Vinyl out on breaking her glass? I mean, I'm glad you didn't turn it into a big deal as it would've been a fairly weak focal point. But at the same time, the lack of recognition was a little strange.
But either way, minor gripe aside, it was a very well-done chapter. Looking forward to the next installment.
All righty. I love ScratchxTavi (And I vastly prefer 'Tavi to Octy, though I seem to be in the minority), and this is a pretty entertaining yarn so far. My only real criticism is the handling of 'Tavi's point of view. In some ways I feel I'd feel better about 'Tavi's role if she had no perspective writing at all - if everything was 'Scratch-restricted, Tavi's motivations and thoughts would be more mysterious, the story would be about Vinyl's internal responses and changes, and you dodge the issues of having to completely define the inside of Tavi's head.
Alternately, if Tavi's head were more thoroughly explored, I'd feel we had a good second POV character for this back-and-forthing that it takes to build up romance (and I'm gratified that you are building up, and not just going "There's luv and that's the end" like is so often done), but at the moment it doesn't feel like we get the internal justification for the judgement calls she's made that seem to be counter to her habitual way of life. It just seems right now you're at a level where you raise more questions than you satisfy.
I think you're setting up some really good character dynamics here, and there's just that tiny bit of an off-note for me. But it might only be me that thinks that way.
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I've almost got the story exactly where I want it to be in terms of structure. Don't worry about the perspectives, things should become much more stable and clearer in the next chapter or two. If I'd made this chapter longer and continued rather than given a cliffhanger then your off-note (Not sure whether you were using a music pun there or not) would have been addressed.
Hmm... I don't want to give anything away, so I won't say any more but rest assured that your comment has already been considered and taken into account before you even wrote it
(I also prefer Tavi, to Octy. Tavia is my favourite though.)
Flowed well and excellent as always.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png
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It's not just this chapter though, it's the viewpoint snippets throughout. If I had to provide a completely unhelpful pinpointing of what I mean, it's that I feel I know what attitudes and goals drive Vinyl through life. The same is not true for Tavi. Admittedly it may be just because I've read this in fits and starts, so it's not all in my head as well.
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Octavia has had to be introduced as a character and developed as she wasn't there from the start. If she were just a background character like Lyra and Bon-Bon then she wouldn't have been given any POV snippets, but as she's a main character I have to give her some focus gradually. Ultimately the story is about Vinyl, though I'm trying to slowly change it so that the story is split half and half between Vinyl and Tavi's point of views. Expect much more in depth scenes from Octavia's POV soon. I haven't even scraped the surface of my imagined personality for her; she hasn't even been seen interacting with her own friends yet.
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This transition is probably what I'm having issues with. I think what I expected was, when Octavia's POV came around, it'd be more robust to start, like an entire chapter. Considering it that way, I'm wonder if tweaking it to have no POV prior to this chapter, then doing this entire chapter from Tavi's POV, wouldn't work better. And do forgive this back-and-forth but I adore talking theme and structure of stories. It's astounding how delicate it can be.
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I've no qualms with back and forth, how else do stories evolve without talking to people who read what you're writing?
I always intended for Octavia's apartment to be the place where the POV transitions were strongest. If I'd continued with the scene then the entire second half of the chapter (Chapter 11) would have been from Octavia's perspective. It's done intentionally because I have a set theme I want incorporated that I unfortunately can't discuss here due to spoilers. Granted, no POV from Octavia prior to this chapter and then a complete shift to her perspective would have had quite an impact on the story and how it read, but I feel subtlety is more key to what I want to achieve.
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Hmm. It seems to me though that it comes off more incomplete than subtle; it is of course not necessary to ever go inside a character's head to characterize them, and building Tavi's characterization by both her behavior explicit observations from Vinyl's viewpoint - especially remarking on puzzlements, inconsistancies, and oddities - and then doing the same from Octavia's point of view would function as a parallax perspective on both of them. Since there's not a symmetry in their introductions, it seems to me that the gradual bridge is more tenuous than an abrupt transition. Ch.10 seems the perfect place to start, too - the only thing you gain from Vinyl's POV is the dichotomy between the messy bedroom and the OCD-neat rest of the house, and I think Vinyl bringing that up to Tavi, and Tavi's feelings of being intruded upon (and the intimacy of someone else being in her set-aside space) more strongly examined would provide a really strong introduction to the inside of her head.
An altogether excellent fic. I feel it flows at a good pace and leaves just enough mystery to keep readers intrigued. I definitely can't wait for the next chapter. I'm vastly curious as to how Octy's conversation with Beauty Brass is going to unfold. Keep up the good work.
And as much as I want you to hurry to finish the next chapter, take your time and keep the amazing quality. It's worth the wait.
Well it was worth the wait, I'd say. The next chapter ought to be interesting...
My only complaint(?) is that a few sentences lacked a comma or two that would have made them a bit less jarring. But maybe that's just me
Ah, an accordion eh? Now that's gotta be a Vinyl Scratch Tapes reference. Although, she doesn't seem nearly as defensive about it in this incarnation, heh.
Nice chapter! I love this story.
I love this story. Most of this ship that I read has them leading off into a relationship instantly, I like that this didn't. Also, I love that Snapshot bit, a little afraid for the newfounf friendship if something really goes wrong, and I loved where you end it. It just makes me want to read more, and I keep thinking of mots of things that could happen with where you ledt it. Such an amazing story. Ease, keep up the awesome work, I love it. Here's to a swift update.
Loved it!
It took it's time, but it's great that you finally finished the chapter
One last thing: COME ON, why did you stop it there, now i'm way to exited to wait for the next chapter. You make it to exiting to be able hold it.
keep up the good work
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That's why I love doing cliffhangers. I was told I was quite good at when I first started writing fanfiction; always encouraged reader's to stick with it and come back for more
I don't really mind the cliffhangers personally. This site does tend toward the episodic though, like the old seasons of Doctor Who.
Or Doctor Hooves for that matter.
Other than that, excellent work i'm looking forward to your updates.
Cant wait for the next chapter
Great work on the chapter! I don't personally think you had any major fails in the chapter. It seemed to flow pretty much just as well as the others. I will start hounding again if it takes more than a week to even hear anything about it. You are lucky I didn't say anything for a long time. I was being patient. You have made my number one favourite Octy/Scratch story and I need updates mister! You are lucky I respect the British highly! lol Just kidding. I just really like your story.
'her mane and tail was disheveled... should be were.
But nice chapter.