• Member Since 20th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 6th, 2019

Timemaster


Aerospace Engineer that sacrificed his writing for education. Worth it, but I want to continue writing again! Da pacem domine.

T
Source

A dusty mirror, reflecting light from someplace unknown, was all I could see in this dark room. Little did I know, a beautiful being, pure black and full of contempt, would rescue me...


Made for the fun, pleasure, and enjoyment of (me) my audience!

Current Status: Break over, but sickly. Will continue writing! ☺

Chapters (40)
Comments ( 78 )

3016945 Thanks! This is my first time writing without my unnamed partner. he was able to make my lines last longer because of his dictionary powers :pinkiesmile:

The chapters will not be daily during school-time, but more of a (Every other day) basis. So I will try to put as much as possible before then! I will correct grammar and stuff during my weekends. Enjoy :pinkiehappy:

Beat 1K words by one :pinkiesmile:

I wish more people would post comments or something, I need some criticism, please!

Great chapters and nobody complains so.......

3085879 Buy a better Modern or something, so you can enjoy the internet at 100% potential :pinkiesmile:

very good story so far. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3162092 Thanks, I will start writing the next chapter tommorow, for homework is mean :pinkiesick:

What is your favorite part so far? (Put a spoiler alert just in case for other people)

3162302 i don't just like one part, i like the hole story. :pinkiehappy:

Q: What music, if any, do you listen to while reading this?

another good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

can't wait for the next. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3227437 I am happy to tell you that the chapters are going steadily at the moment (Turns out, I can use computers at school to write fanfic when done with work:raritystarry:)

another, very good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

another very good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

can't wait to read the next chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3239035 (Listens to jazz, writing next chapter... will be done by Monday or so...)

As long as the amount of words (total) is more than 1000X the chapter number, I am happy for my writing. I hope you guys are, too :pinkiesmile:

another good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

i can't wait to read the next chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3268797 Well, I have become accustomed to my new school, so they will be pumped out faster.

With love,

Younger Timemaster.:twilightsmile:

Flames- all I got to say to you is... wow.:rainbowhuh: Great story.:twilightsmile: I am honored you posted your story in my group.

another good chapter. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

can't wait to read the next chapter. :pinkiehappy:

what happened your english just took a nose dive straight into the crapper. And you drink shakes not sundaes even if they are aparently meat based.....

3283850 I am sorry, but the sundae was based off one I occasionally drink around here in Texas... it was usually melted,s o I thought all sundaes were.. correcting now.

3283890 Thank you, but I feel very dumb for not knowing sundaes were supposed to be solid :pinkiegasp:

This chapter felt a bit rushed to me, but I guess I may expand upon it by adding more words to slow it down... I have no time right now, though, and I may not have time tomorrow (tests). I guess... read slowly? :trollestia:

Okay, I read your blog post asking if you should submit this to EqD. As a guy who has gotten on the site twice, I'll give you my perspective on it.

There are a few grammatical errors that are pretty glaring. Double spacing, no spacing, that kind of thing. Also, you use ellipses far too frequently when you really shouldn't.

The biggest issue? I have no idea what's going on, which means that I have no emotional involvement with the character, which also means that I have no reason to keep reading. Who is Christopher? What the heck is the mirror thing? Why did he smash it? Where did Chrysalis come from? Why is she calling him her son? Why does he seem to be okay with this? You can't say 'it'll be explained in later chapters,' because these are important questions that need to be addressed now. The first one especially. Christopher is our guide through the story, and if we know nothing about him, we aren't going to be emotionally involved with what is going on. This chapter isn't even 2000 words, when really it should be 5000. Set up your character, set up what's happening. I think we just got dumped into what's happening without any attempt at exposition.

That's my take on it. So you asked if EqD would take this? No. They would not. I don't mean to be mean or anything, I'm just answering your question.

3290865 I feel that I will complete every task you will say. I will postpone next chapter and attempt to explain Christpoher's backstory... though I had hoped to do that later. I am just not good at planning :twilightsheepish:

Hey! Here from the Decent Writer's group. =w= Heard you wanted some feedback, so I'm here to give my two cents.

I'll start with what I liked. I have to say, I really liked the first chapter; the feeling of surrealism and mystery had a certain quality that kept me wanting to read more, and I feel like it was very well written. It reminded me of those old stream-of-consciousness works, and it works well as an introduction.

That said, there are also some things that I didn't like. Well, that's a bit harsh, more like they threw me off. Although the surrealism of the first chapter worked for the first chapter, it doesn't really work for the second or the third (which was the farthest I got to at the moment), as I'm pretty sure you're writing this as a story-based work. That kind of requires the reader to have some background knowledge on what the heck is going on. I can say that I had no idea what the heck was going on. :(

For example, when 'Christopher' went up to make his speech, I had no idea what he was talking about, because I had no idea whether or not he knew what he was talking about. I mean, first he has no memories and almost no idea what was happening to him, and then suddenly he's up making rousing speeches to an entire species? The reader can only know what the narrator chooses to divulge to them, and though it seems like Chris picks up a little on what's going on around him, he makes no effort to enlighten the reader. All I read is that he just suddenly figured out everything there was to know about the changeling's situation, and could suddenly inspire them all to act on their feelings. That takes understanding, and I didn't feel like Chris could have come to such an understanding based on what was written. Like, it didn't even just outright tell me he suddenly understood; he just suddenly understood, and I'm left to say around the middle of my reading, "Oh, I guess he does know what he's talking about."

I understand that you might have used that as a framing device to give some exposition as to what was going on, but I don't believe that Chris, who doesn't seem like he would know what was going on, should be the one to give said exposition. I would've understood if it was Chrysalis who explained what happened, or heck, even just one of the other changelings, but having the guy who just kind of wakes up not knowing what happened to him make the speech seems kind of odd (though it would've made sense if it were explained to him beforehand, but there wasn't any indication that that happened, either). To sum it up, it needs to make more sense, at least where the story starts.

Sorry. That was just one of my major beefs. xD Other than that... Grammer seems okay, a few mistakes here and there. Dialogue also seems a little forced at times, I would suggest reading them back to yourself aloud to see if it sounds natural. I feel as if your minimalistic style would work better if this was all like a series of dream sequences, but as it is now, it's like the first chapter is the dream, and then the second chapter starts the plot, but the feeling of being in a dream doesn't end.

Er, what else... This is a really long fucking comment. Well, keep in mind that I've only read the first three chapters, so I have no idea if anything I just criticized gets better or not. Take it as a critique of 1/8 of your story. xD I can't give a complete judgement until I've read more, so I'll take another look at it tomorrow and see if there's anything else to say. Other than that, pay me no mind and keep writing. =w=

3298709 Thank you, sir, for when I am at ch.25 I will start editing. Thank you for commenting beforehoof! :heart:


(Short reply to Loong comment!)

Do you guys have spinny chairs or normal chairs?

During this editing phase, I will just be extending the chapter as much as I can. I can't see a way to expand the first one, but I am done with the second one, if your up for it.:scootangel:

Why is no one responding :raritydespair:

Oh dick nuggets, almost 40 likes :rainbowderp:

NO comments? This is starting to disturb me.

3333168 That gif has made me so hungry.

Kind of wonder when my comment section will get lively again.

3345243 WHOO YEA!!! AWESOME!! LOVED IT. BEST CHAPTER AND STORYY EVER!!!! GREAT JOB!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Was that lively enough?:raritywink:

3345297 that was...interesting to say the least.
but for real, your a good writer

3345305 thank you:pinkiehappy:

I really cannot wait to have some freetime to proof read this, though.

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