Tired, But Trying (Taking Hope In G5)
Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,758 stories ·3,959 members
The Hero... Queen Chrysalis???378 stories ·1,733 members
Changelings Need Love Too1,539 stories ·2,333 members
“But there is something you should know, Queen of the Changelings. You haven’t hurt me or my people half as much as you’ve hurt your own.”
"So the question you must ask yourself now," The princess concluded, "Is what you intend to do about it?"
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Reading now, but I suggest you switch it from center alignment, it's distracting unless its for poetry.
746980
B... but... I always use center align!
A promising start. You've made me care about Chrysalis. And your take on Luna is interesting.
747020 Thank you!
hmmm....Not bad!
Nice concept, characters still feel believable, overall, this deserves my thumbs.
747060Thank you! One of the big things I worried about when writing this was making Chrysalis too likable. XD
Intriguing take on this subject... very interested to see where you'll take this.
The concept of Chrysalis redemption is interesting. Hopefully, you are able to remove her from the 3-step Zuko style of insta-redemption after a long period of conflict. This shall be followed.
That is all.
Well, this is worth an extended look. Your characters are relatable and have decent depth. I like the approach you're taking in questioning the logic of the changeling invasion and the potential repercussions. Keep it up.
747142 Thank you!
747195 Zuko? But yeah, this is going to be far from quick and/or easy for anypony (anychangeling?) involved.
747256 If there's one thing I've learned in storytelling, (and in real life!) it's that actions always have some sort of consequence, whether it be good, bad, or a bit of both, and Chrysalis took a lot of actions. Thank you, and shall do!
I like Chysalis. But it's one thing to feed your people, and another entirely to revel in the destruction and suffering that the act causes. Still, an excellent first chapter worthy of a track.
This is interesting, I shall follow this and await the next chapter eagerly.
747428 Yeah, I'll touch on that more in the next chapter. Chrysalis's motivations were a bit of both, though the latter stems a bit from resentment over the problems she was having with the former. This hardly excuses her, but It's a better reason, I think, than simply doing it for the evlulz.
747432 Much thanks!
The description was very reminiscent of the description for Terry Pratchett's Discworld book Going Postal, did you get some inspiration from there? or if you havent read it you should, it might give you some ideas
747536 Huh, I never thought of that. I've read it, but it's been at least a year since I did. Heh.
I'm going to keep an eye on this. Seems I've been intellectually craving what you're starting here.
747579 Thank you! Love the username, by the way; shame the series ended like it did...
747597
I've got some silly scraps in my scrapbook along the lines, maybe you can tweak some inspiration from them. (See ATC's Scrapbook and the entries for 'Change is Good'
747612 Okay!
I've said it before, but I'll say it again for the whole world, what I truly like most about this story is the descriptive tones and expressions, as well as mental asides, that surround all the dialog. The dialog itself is good enough to progress the story, but it's all that extra detail surrounding it that truly brings these characters to life. I find it all too easy to lose myself within the narrative as the faces and postures of both Luna and Chrysalis are painted across the canvas of my mind's eye.
That said I'm still hesitant about the nature of this story. Villain redemption fics are a tricky business. Many have tried, most have failed. So far this one is off to a promising start, but I can't really say for sure until the story gets to what kind of actions will be expected of Chrysalis. Notably though, the notion that in this story the changeling invasion seems to have been chiefly motivated by starvation sends up a warning flag in my head, but I'm willing to wait and see how that backstory gets expanded upon. Keep up the good work, both here and in your other fic.
Oh, and thanks for the shout-out.
Hm, I'll keep an eye on this.
748481 Thank you! I think I can safely say that conversation is among some of my better writing as of late, and I'm glad I succeeded in other people's eyes as well; I was afraid it might come across as 'talking heads.'
As I've said before, The next few chapters in particular will concern the specifics of those motivations, though if I do things right, it'll be something quite consistent across the whole story arc. Also, just to give everyone a slight teaser, I'll say that one seemingly minor throw-away line relatively early in Day One is going to come back with a vengeance. Thank you again, and I shall!
And no sweat, it's the least I can do for your help!
748535 Denke!
747020 And Vulcan!Luna is a fun Luna to write.
Interesting ... i will track this to see where it goes
This is goood
But let's see can you keep it up!
749324 Thanks!
753497 I guess we'll have to see!
and no one comments on the "five time canterlot palace drinking contest winner"? either luna can hold her booze well or she had a lot of practice over the thousand years shes been gone
757508 THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THAT! Yep, she can hold her booze better than even Shining Armor! And practice? Not just over the absence, but from well before that, too.
758344 i am seriously surprised no one noticed it. and shining armor can hold his booze as well? dont remember reading anything like that but if its another of your fics i might be tempted to read it.
759844 It's just my own thing, and while it's not in any other fics of mine, it'll be in here a lot.
I am going to be keeping an eye on this. It seems like it's going in a very interesting direction. I also like how the Changeling Invasion is said to have far more lasting consequences than what the episode showed us.
This looks good, really good. I hope to see a chapter 2.
844245 Thank you! And that was pretty much the idea behind this, so I must be doing my job right!
847647 Thank you as well! And there definitely will be!
..eventually.
Next chapter naow D:
875999 I'ma working on it! Sorry if it's taking too long, I'm a slow writer at the best of times.
876966 Nah its good to know u dont abadon it :)
877273
877297 i was just curious because of time when u post it :p
877303 I suppose that would be somewhat worrying. I've been working on some other things as well, but I have certainly not abandoned this one.
You have provided a very good start to tempt my interests using only two very compelling characters.
I am interested.
948511 I am glad, and hope I will render your interest worthwhile!
No chapter 2? Awwwwwwww....
1322883 There will be. Eventually.
Thanks for the comment earlier, sir Cold. Enjoy reading your fanfics and hope to see you continue this one soon.
so, i read your very confusing and out of context NMM/twi fic ("The Test"), then i looked up your other stories, which lead me here. this has potential, ill be following this...and you...
i don't really have any real criticism for you, everything was great as far as i saw, granted; i didn't thoroughly analyze it, which means "everything was great" amounts too; the flow of the first chapter was good. now, as i said, not much critisism, but you did mention "rude personal attacks and insults are all appreciated"; i could give that a shot if you like? although, i should warn you; im absolutely horrible at that. im might not be able to come up with anything at all...
1343560 Comment earlier?
And thank you!
1486605 Well, it wasn't really a shipping thing, but whatever.
And thank you!
1488853
np, but where did i say something about shipping?
1488891
1488909
ah, i wrote that as i was unsure as to who the story pointed towards, granted, it featured twi mostly, but i didn't want to leave NMM out of it. if i was trying to imply shipping i would have written "moonlight shipping" or something alike
1488926 Ach so; I saw your profile earlier and jumped to conclusions, I guess.