This Beautiful Darkness Shall Protect Me...

by Timemaster

23-The Dry, Merciless Air.

The air in the room is stale, for a boulder had fallen into the hole used for ventilation. Many of the council member's faces were frozen and deadlocked on me. I look over to Trixie, who had made the basic plan with Shining Armor and me this morning. I vaguely remember planning, for Luna did not just ruin my dreams... she woke me up for no reason at all. If only I knew how to use that magic stuff Allen used, though I would not want to meet him anytime soon.

"Attention, council members!" I say, my voice cracking from the immense heat that came from the neighboring volcano. I turn towards the right side, and motion for Trixie and Shining Armor to the podium that Gerald set for us this morning, but has a migraine so he can't join us for this important day.

"As we all know, our team consisting of Trixie, Shining, Gerald, and I have founded an unbeatable plan to defeat the zebra kingdom."

Stomping ensued, but I quiet it down by raising my hoof. "There is a cost, though, and that is to send somepony to the Dragon kingdom as an emissary, and only I can convince such an intellectual group of eons-old to helping us."

They look at me strangely, but listen.

"You all know that I am the best negotiator and interrogator, though none of you shall learn my tricks. My tricks, I shall say, are of manipulation," I look at Princess Celestia, "I always use what I know about my listener against them, making them blindly support me. I know I can not control you ponies, for you are highly intelligent, but dragons? With my info?" I lean on the podium,"They will undoubtedly say yes to whatever I say."

I hear light stomping of those who agree with that sentiment, and silence from others.

"But, I digress, while you guys think of letting me to the Dragon's Nest as emissary, listen to Trixie and Shining Armor, who will show the battle plans if what I do goes wrong," i get off the podium and walk down the small stairs,"If anypony needs me, I will be packing."

I trot fast to the new side-exit that somepony made a day ago. The door is not complete, so it is just covered with a blue fabric. I listen to the loud sounds of the battle plans as I am walking to my home.

"Well," said Trixie, "If Wright fails at leaning the dragons to our side, we have several plans of what to do."

"Yes." Shining said, sound of paper rubbing on his mic.

"The first plan, for the many militias of the land, will be that 'They will be shipped to the small island that we sold to the Griffons, and they sold to the Zebras, which truthfully holds a small bay inside a cliff that only powerful unicorns can enter. We lied about emptying it, for we had anticipated a small quarrel to happen in the Zebra Kingdom and we'd have to lend out aid," she pauses, "but is seems we have to smash them with our hooves instea—"

I shut my door, going into my bedroom. A suitcase lays on it, packed with clothes and goods. A tag lays on it, reading 'Trix'. I smile, laying down on my bed. I look to my light bulb, concentrating on what has happened so far. I make a mental checklist:

1)Something in the human world.

2)Be manipulated by the Changelings and their queen... who may still control me.

3)Somehow have the pendent break into a bomb.

4)Reveal myself to the Princesses.

5)Be manipulated by the ponies.

I think for a second, laughing at my own circumstances.

2.5)Learned about myself and met somepony to love.

"Better," I say to myself, feeling drowsy. I curl into a ball and sleep in the bed that smells like love.

---

I have just graduated the Magic Academy, majoring in History. History in M.A. is highly different, though, for you learn spells from long ago. I memorized almost every single battle from the ancient shamans vs the voodoo priests to the modern mage vs well, the modern mage. I walk outside, getting a psychic call from Penny's parents, thinking it would be of a congratulations, and it was, just not for me. Ecstatic about learning that my best friends, Lenny and Tracy, have become united in law. Even though they are both older than me, it is still surprising that they are already married at twenty—especially because they always acted like they hated each other. I smile as I am driven home by my parents, who congratulate me on being valedictorian and head mage (for a year,at least).

While my parents are congratulating me, I am psychically communicating with Lenny, who is laughing as he answers.

"Congratulations!" we say to each other, laughing inwardly.

"So, what are you guy's plans?" I say, pretending to listen to my parents.

"Well, we were thinking of having a child in a year or two, but we have decided that we'll be living in Texas."

"Texas as in the Independent country, or the Texas they put on the moon to save the US's land-mass?"

"Texas the country of course! The taxes in the other Texas are insane!"

I laugh a bit, my parents leaving the car at a pit-stop, "So, what will the kid's name be?"

"We haven't decided, but you can throw suggestions."

"Leopolt?" I jest.

"Nothing so silly-fancy my friend," He laughs a bit.

"How about Justin?"

"Not since the Double-10's, 'bro'," He jests back.

"you know that phrase has not been used since the Double-20's, my friend!" I laugh a bit, realizing I laughed out loud. My parents are, safely, out the car.

"Also, we want a boy, so no girly names like yours."

"Yeah, how is Allen girly?"

"No offense, but your name just sounds like a part of a woman."

"Didn't you fail human physiology, Lenny the Tranny?"

"Hey! That was a stage, friend!" he laughs lightly.

"Well... how about Patrick?"

"ugh, nothing from that show that's somehow still alive."

"Its still on?" I say, a bit happier.

"Why?"

I stay silent for a second, "How about Jake?"

"A J- name sounds good, but will it blend with our pretty blandly-named family?"

"Hmmm...." I think, my parents entering the car and handing me a large Texas Ice Tea.

"How about Joshua?"

He shouts something in my ear, "OH you just gave me an idea!"

"What is it?"

"How about John!"

"Just John?"

"Yeah! I can see him now, a fellow mage, John Right!"

My parents caught me at that moment, and snapped their fingers, knowing any loud noise disrupts the communication.

"That sounds fine, but for some reason it doe— gotta go!"

And go I did, right back home...

---

Dirty air, flowing fast into my mouth, makes me cough viciously.

I wake up in a carriage, a note on my stomach, reading, 'Try your best, Trix, Gerald, and Shining!'. I smile, looking at the one guiding my carriage. It is Elda's brother, but I don't know him enough to speak to him, and some other griffon. I look in my carriage and pick up my suitcase, opening it. I pull out the eye-covers and put them on, letting the moving wind be my music and my world.

...

I feel pushing on my body as I wake up from my dream. elda's brother is looking at me, motioning me to follow.

To my left I see a giant crater, full of dragons and their nests, and they all look intriguing. I see one ginormous dragon rising up, seeing us. Unlike the others, he seems to be very young, but very intelligent.

"Royal guards? Why have you,"he looks at me, "Who are you?" His voice booms, pointing at me.

I turn on the radio on my vest.

"My name [KZRRK], oh, sorry," I cough,"My name is Wright Scribe, and I have something to ask of your kind."

"We are not partaking in your war, that is final."

"Even if they were using an undead dragon for their attack on our city?"

"What does that have to do with us?"

I put my hoof on my face, "So, not only do you allow a nation that probably kills dragons to live, but you allow them to play puppetmaster with their corpses," I pause, "And do you even know how necromancy works?"

"No, but it doesn't concern us."

"It should, for necromancy is when you grab the soul of an ex-living thing, ripping it from where ever it went, and force it back into a body it cannot even control."

The dragon rubs his chin, thinking about it.

"It means that, when you finally die, you are torn from paradise and forced to live in torment as someone's slave."

"No!" he said, screaming it across the crater, "We will not be slaves again!"

"Then fight with us, or be killed by the corpses of your friends by those who you let live!"

He looks at me, "How are you even sure that dragon was killed? What if it was just—"

"Found? That would be much worse, for that would mean they dug up its grave and rip it from its rest for torment and a murder spree!"

The dragon began to realize something.

"But... We worked our whole lives for the permenent peace between all nations!"

"Yeah, it did not seem to stop the Zebra Kingdom from digging up your corpses." I say, my voice stern as possible.

He looks over to his people, his wife, and back to me.

"We will think about this... so follow me."

I start to walk to him, "Can I just ride you? You are giant compared to- woahAH!" He picks me up, flying to the center of the crater.

"When we land, you must be in your hut for a few days, for our meetings last more than just an hour." He says, his face thinking hard.

We land, and he shows me a small hut. I immediately enter and plunge into the bed, falling asleep once more...

Author's Note:

If you hadn't figured it out yet, he keeps on wanting to have visions of his past, so he sleeps a lot now. I promise that action will happen very soon. This is a lot more words than I thought, for I wrote this in school!

Comments

[Mister Meowmerz]

Hey! Here from the Decent Writer's group. =w= Heard you wanted some feedback, so I'm here to give my two cents.

I'll start with what I liked. I have to say, I really liked the first chapter; the feeling of surrealism and mystery had a certain quality that kept me wanting to read more, and I feel like it was very well written. It reminded me of those old stream-of-consciousness works, and it works well as an introduction.

That said, there are also some things that I didn't like. Well, that's a bit harsh, more like they threw me off. Although the surrealism of the first chapter worked for the first chapter, it doesn't really work for the second or the third (which was the farthest I got to at the moment), as I'm pretty sure you're writing this as a story-based work. That kind of requires the reader to have some background knowledge on what the heck is going on. I can say that I had no idea what the heck was going on. :(

For example, when 'Christopher' went up to make his speech, I had no idea what he was talking about, because I had no idea whether or not he knew what he was talking about. I mean, first he has no memories and almost no idea what was happening to him, and then suddenly he's up making rousing speeches to an entire species? The reader can only know what the narrator chooses to divulge to them, and though it seems like Chris picks up a little on what's going on around him, he makes no effort to enlighten the reader. All I read is that he just suddenly figured out everything there was to know about the changeling's situation, and could suddenly inspire them all to act on their feelings. That takes understanding, and I didn't feel like Chris could have come to such an understanding based on what was written. Like, it didn't even just outright tell me he suddenly understood; he just suddenly understood, and I'm left to say around the middle of my reading, "Oh, I guess he does know what he's talking about."

I understand that you might have used that as a framing device to give some exposition as to what was going on, but I don't believe that Chris, who doesn't seem like he would know what was going on, should be the one to give said exposition. I would've understood if it was Chrysalis who explained what happened, or heck, even just one of the other changelings, but having the guy who just kind of wakes up not knowing what happened to him make the speech seems kind of odd (though it would've made sense if it were explained to him beforehand, but there wasn't any indication that that happened, either). To sum it up, it needs to make more sense, at least where the story starts.

Sorry. That was just one of my major beefs. xD Other than that... Grammer seems okay, a few mistakes here and there. Dialogue also seems a little forced at times, I would suggest reading them back to yourself aloud to see if it sounds natural. I feel as if your minimalistic style would work better if this was all like a series of dream sequences, but as it is now, it's like the first chapter is the dream, and then the second chapter starts the plot, but the feeling of being in a dream doesn't end.

Er, what else... This is a really long fucking comment. Well, keep in mind that I've only read the first three chapters, so I have no idea if anything I just criticized gets better or not. Take it as a critique of 1/8 of your story. xD I can't give a complete judgement until I've read more, so I'll take another look at it tomorrow and see if there's anything else to say. Other than that, pay me no mind and keep writing. =w=

[Timemaster]

3298709 Thank you, sir, for when I am at ch.25 I will start editing. Thank you for commenting beforehoof!

(Short reply to Loong comment!)